Ok so… this is my first attempt at a troll fic/ a MLP fanfic in general so…. I didn’t really try that hard with this one so… BE AFRAID!!!!
The Time When the Grape Pony and the Owl-Thingy made Sexy-time!
Written by Pinkie Pie after another cupcakes, root beer, and cheese-it fest
Ok so, this one time, there was this little purple horsey thingy who lived in a tree, and her name was Twilight Sparkle ‘cus she’s a vampire pony and she wanted to make sex with a werewolf from Antarctica. One day she was all pissed off because Fluttershy turned into a tree and crapped acorns in her hay fries, what the hell are hay fries? Are they any different then sweet potato fries, cus I ate those once and I puked all over my grandma’s wig, and then she beat my head with a penguin.
But back to me ruining childrens’ dreams, one day Sparkley Horse was all like “Spike, get the fook out, I’m gonna go fook a aminal-thingy!” and then she threw the little dragon thingy out the window and it landed on a glass porcupine. Then Twinkle started running around the room screaming “ME IS SO FOOKING HORNBY” like a little school girl in a hentai who got stood up by the tentacle monster. Then she farted and an antelope popped out and ran out screaming “I IS FREE FROM THE PURPLE DIMENSION!!!!” then her eyes turned into oreos as she looked over at the little owl sitting on a perch like a boss looking for a burrito to do the tango with.
So Twixlepoof did the thing where she makes the things go all floaty and brought the owl close to her face, which looked like a pug dog staring at the sun. then she looked at the hooting thing and yelled through a megaphone “I GONNA RAPE YOU IS!!!!”
“Who?” said Owlicious, an entire candy store shooting out of his beak and then flying towards outer space! Twinkerbell then stuffed the whole owl in her mouth, swished it around for a while, and opened her mouth revealing…. A feathery cucumber. “por eso que para que me convierta en un pepino de plumas?” queried the cucumber, now speaking Spanish for some reason. Spaghetti Twoofle then proceeded to lick the cucumber like one of those big ass rainbow lollipops you see on TV, seriously those things are huge! Are they even that good? But anyways, I digress.
“Don’t worry Mr. Owlicious lollipop thing, I is just gonna stick you in my honey pot” said Tarkle Spwilight, as she proceeded to stick the cucumber in a literal honey pot, that she stole from Winnie the Pooh after beating him in a poker game and feeding him to Pinkie Pie after she got turned into a shark for spring break. Then Spookle-Tink opened up her moistened Purley Gates, and prepared to shove the cucumbery torpedo through the chamber of secrets. But then… THE CUCUMBER EMXPLODED, and turned into a Doc Brown from Back to the Future pony.
“Great Scottish brown Ms. Spackle!!!!” exclaimed the Doc Brown pony. “If you had put the feathery cucumber into your happy bag, THE UNIVERSE WOULD HAVE EXPLODED INTO A MILLION CACTUS JUICES!!!! AND THEN WE’D HAVE TO BUY MAPLE SYRUP FROM BANDIT GERMAN KANGAROOS!!!!!!” Twieedle Spee just stood there making a whaaaa face, when suddenly… A HOT AIR BALOON POPPED OUT OF HER BUTT, AND CARRIED HER OFF TO THE SKY, AND THEN THE BALOON AND GRAPEY PONY EXPLODED, COVERING EVERYONE IN MINI BALOONS AND HAMBURGERS!!!!!! The Doc Brown pony then proceeded to dance the thriller on the moon, which woke up the Gorgonzola cheese peoples, WHO THEN TURNED THE EARTH INTO A GIANT MOZZARELLA STICK AND THROWED IT INTO THE SUN!!!! and that’s how the ponies became mozzarella sticks.
The end… ?
After Twilight finished reading the story that Pinkie Pie gave to her, Twilight just looked at Pinkie Pie in utter confusion, "Um.... Pinkie? What did you just give me? Why would you right something so.... stupid? And why turn Owlicious into a lollipop? Why a glass porcupine? Why'd you turn into a shark? And why mozzarella sticks?!"
Pinkie just sighed in content, "Oh Twilight, when you've been up until midnight drinking root beer, cupcakes, and cheese-its, you'll understand." And with that, Pinkie bounced out of the library, leaving a very confused Twilight standing there in confusion.
