Cupcakes, Tamed

by Shieldmaiden of Luna

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Spike, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2031

Pinkie knew she was going to be possessed. So, she told somepony! Now what will Twilight do?

This is a very strange, very humorous fic roughly based off Sergeant Sprinkles' legendary badfic, Cupcakes. Pinkie discovers that she will be possessed in three days, so she goes a little bit nuts and tells Twilight. Will Twilight be able to find a way to break the possession before Rainbow Dash gets hurt? Find out in the coming pages.

Published 2015-01-09 00:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-01-09 00:50:01 UTC

The Taming of the Badfic

Disclaimer: I do not own My Little Pony, and I did not write Cupcakes. MLP is owned by Hasbro, and Cupcakes is a travesty committed upon it by Sergeant Sprinkles.

Day P-3: Pinkie Pie was baking in Sugarcube Corner and happily humming a tune, when all of a sudden, that doozy happened upon her. She got the mother of all Pinkie Senses. Her eyes bugged out, she gasped and held her breath in horror, and the most horrified open mouthed frown appeared on her face. When her mouth clamped down, her tongue, still lolling in shock, gained an impressive set of tooth marks.

The cupcakes can wait, thought Pinkie as she ran screeching into Ponyville, running at least two laps around Ponyville before she reached her intended destination. I've got to get to Twilight, and fast!

She busted in the door of the library, tripped over a rug, and went flying into a book case. Legible materials went everywhere, and it was not pretty. She sat upside down, back on the floor, with her legs against book shelves as her eyes spun in her head.

“Pinkie,” said Twilight, who had popped into the room with a very bewildered and worried look. “What's the matter?”

“My Pinkie Sense told me that I'm going to be possessed by something really icky in three days, and you would be the only one able to make sure I got stopped from doing something horrible to Rainbow Dash!”

Spike heard this as he came in from the kitchen. He dashed over to them, and started paying attention.

“Wow,” said Twilight. “That's oddly specific. Any more details? Any idea why this knowledge would suddenly pop into your head?”

“Yeah,” said Pinkie. “It says I'm going to be possessed by the spirit of a bad writer. Or something like that. There are ponies that aren't ponies fighting over who gets to get into my head on the other side of some wall. I'm getting dizzy and it's all fading oooout, noooooow,” she finished, eyes spinning round in her head, as she collapsed and fainted.

“Oh, dear,” said Twilight. "I'm going to use a spell on her in an attempt to determine if she's developed something to make her actually lose more sanity than usual."

Twilight cast the spell to determine or uncover loss of sanity points and general brain disorder. According to the spell readout, Pinkie didn't lack much being as normal as she always was. Okay, time to pull out the big magics. As a student of Princess Celestia, she knew more than what was normal about the sun, and it's symbolism. The sun drove back the shadows, permitted sight and banished minor madnesses through warmth. She would be drawing on a technique that would allow her to see if Pinkie had any risk of possession. Hey, even though she knew that Pinkie's Pinkie sense was right most of the time, this was the sort of thing you at least tried to verify.

She cast the spell. As Pinkie lay slumped on the floor, an oppressively darkened and sinister aura came over her. As the aura bled into the light, Twilight could see the shape of a quill, twisted, bent out of shape and broken in the air above her. Okay, then.

“Spike, see if you can find a book on bad writing and possession. I'm going to take Pinkie to Nurse Redheart.”

“Poor girl's exhausted,” said Nurse Redheart. “You say she had a Pinkie sense, and dashed straight to see you in the Library?”

“No,” said Twilight. “She probably zigzagged, ran circles around Ponyville and came screeching. When she'd ran in and had her accident in the Library, she was probably already half spent. She also resembled having a panic attack, and I know how exhausting those can be.”

“Well, I'll keep an eye on her,” the Nurse said. “She's lucky to have a good friend like you, Twilight.”

“Possession, bad writing, possession, bad writing,” Spike said, searching through rows upon stacks of books. “There's gotta be something here!”

He found a book dealing with possession, but it didn't seem to have anything on possession by bad writing. It had things on demonic possession, possession by elder beings from the depths of space, the earth and sea, and even getting possessed by beings from beyond the fourth wall--what was that!? However, there was apparently nothing on bad writing.

“I tried, Twilight, I really tried,” said Spike. “But I couldn't find a single book that referenced getting possessed by bad writing.”

“That's okay, Spike, said Twilight glumly. “Oh! But what about the Canterlot Library? We can look there!” She said, gladly.

“Good idea,” said Spike. “We can go to Canterlot today, and we'll figure out how to stop Pinky from getting possessed, and we'll be back in no time!”

“Books, books, books,” said Twilight, in the Literature section of the Royal Library in Canterlot. “And not a single one dealing with possession from bad writing!”

The pony's nerves were on the fritz, and her hair, like her thoughts, was a frazzled mess due to her brain chemistry and magic. She was actually starting to develop hero-colt hair... The greatest testament to her efforts was the dark circles about her eyes.

She was tired from a long day of fruitless searching through the archives. If she stayed up much longer, she would certainly be looking at the light of Celestia's new day. And Celestia will surely send me to bed like a filly if I do this much longer...

“Twi,” slurred Spike, who had gotten hissing tired a few hours ago. “Maybe we'd better call it a night, huh? I can't imagine we'll have any luck tomorrow if we can't even focus t' read the titles, right? Right?”

The poor dragon boy was understandably exhausted, Twilight could see, and his words made sense. Surely the princesses wouldn't mind putting up with her and Spike for another day? She dashed around the castle like a mad hen, as the nuttiness that so often comes with sleep deprivation well and truly set in.

“Princess Luna?” Twilight blearily addressed the blue coloured diarch. “Do you mind if I stay the night in my old rooms? I'm trying to research something important, and I can't find it.”

“You are welcome in our court, most faithful student of my royal sister,” said Princess Luna. “I will endeavor to assist you in whatever you research. May I ask what topic you're researching?”

“Mmm, Possessions,” said Twilight as she waggled her head from tiredness, to the shock of the Princess. “Possessions from bad writing.”

“We will lend you our aid as soon as you are refreshed from the day's troubles.”

“Thank you, Princess Luna. Good night.”

When Twilight and Spike woke the next day, it was to the bright rays of Celestia's sun.

“Good morning, my faithful pupil,” Princess Celestia said, poking her head in the door with a smile. “My sister told me that you were here, and why.”

“Princess Celestia!” addressed Twilight. “It's nice to see you again! Say, did Princess Luna tell you what I was researching?”

“She did,” said Princess Celestia. “That sort of thing can be found in the Fireberry Pie wing.”

They searched again, all day, in the Fireberry Pie wing. Twilight was getting tired, and Spike himself was pooped once more. There was little to show for their efforts, save a single scroll clutched tightly in Spike's claw.

“Okay. We'd better call it an early night, so we can get up extra early and look for a cure!”

“Mmmkay,” Spike mumbled.

“Spike! Get up! We have to hurry,” said Twilight in the wee hours before the sunrise of the next day. “It's not too long before the day Pinkie said she'd be possessed! We have to find it!”

“No problem,” said Spike. “I found this the other day. I was going to give it to you, but I figured that you'd probably be running out of steam. Here,” he said, handing her the scroll.

“A spell to search for what you need most, even if it's something you don't know,” read Twilight. “Well, can't hurt,” she said, her horn starting to shine.

What appeared before them next looked a bit like a gold spinning top with a detached round disk between it and the handle. There were inset gems in it, and carved runes in it.

“Is this what'll save Pinkie and Rainbow Dash?” was Spike's query.

“Hopefully,” answered Twilight. “But we're out of time,” she said, stuffing the thing in a saddle-bag of holding. “We need to go straight to the Princesses and ask them what they know about this, and how it can help us.”

“Yes, I know of that object and what it does,” Princess Luna informed Twilight and Spike. “It is a weapon of great power. You will need my help after my sister arises, if you wish to free your friends. The runes clearly state that only the power of one who has been warned of trouble with one who has been a traitor and then redeemed can operate this plot device. In the strength of the magics of the two of them can the device free a pony who has been possessed by the spirit of bad writing.”

“That's really interesting, Princess. Can you tell us why that is?”

“I believe it is called 'The Law of Irony'.”

The air was warm, and Celestia's sun shined brightly as Princess Luna, Twilight, and Spike made their way back to Ponyville. All of Ponyville seemed joyfully busy as they bustled about their business. There was a single rainbow haired pegasus zipping through the skies; she too seemed joyful, but it was an aimless joy derived from simply enjoyment of life.

“We should visit Sugarcube Corner,” said Twilight. “The further the day wears on, the more likely this possession is to cause damage.”

Luna groaned in the sun's heat. It was late for the nocturnal Princess; the sun on her dark fur wouldn't be much fun for her, the rest of the group realized.

“Agreed,” she said. “The sooner that I can get out of my royal sister's might, the more cheerful I will be.”

The group came into Sugarcube Corner. As soon as they found Pinkie Pie, the disk started whirring and humming from it's saddlebag. Pinkie had an excuse as to why we needed to be elsewhere, but we would not be deterred.

“I'm having a private, two person party with Rainbow Dash at three today. She's the only pony invited, and I need to get ready for her!”

“We will only be a short time,” said Princess Luna. “This is a matter of grave importance.”

Somehow, Pinkie, or rather something that taken said pony's form, sensed the group's intent.

“Nooooo,” screamed the anti-Pinkie as she made to run away. Twilight's telekinesis scooped her up, and presented her to Luna. The battle was almost won.

“Let's do this thing,” said Twilight grimly as she removed the Plot Device from her bag.

“Let us wield it together now,” said Princess Luna, taking the object from Twilight.

Princess Luna held the spinning top in her hooves, pointy end towards Pinkie Pie. She cast a spell that caused the wheel to spin, and the pointy part itself started to spin in opposition to it. Twilight cast a spell of light upon the disk part while it was still spinning. The jewels refracted the sun's light, and the runes began glowing! The area of Sugarcube Corner was filled with a bright glow, and the struggling Pinkie collapsed into a normal, if funny looking sleep. Pinkie Pie, and thus Rainbow Dash, had been spared the horrors of the spirit of badfic.

“Dear Princess Celestia,” writes Twilight. “Over the past few days, I learned that some ponies will go to any lengths to protect the ones they love. Love can conquer anything, even the boundaries of time and space as we know them. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.”

Author's Note

My word, this was silly. But it was my first pony fic, and it was fun to edit.