Author's Note
Hello, dear reader! This is my first fan fiction. English is not my native language, I don't know it well enough and use an online translator, so the quality of fan fiction may not be high. I ask you to treat this with understanding. I will welcome any constructive criticism. If you find a mistake in the text, please let me know.
I wish you a pleasant reading!
An old dream
The sun was slowly approaching the horizon; the clear, clear sky was gradually turning into cinnabar colors. A weak cool wind was walking through the streets of Ponyville, which was gradually emptying. Only lonely tramps and belated travelers wandered through the emptying streets. It was a quiet, peaceful evening, one of many that were observed in a small town. For many residents, it was the same evening as the rest.
But not for one young dragon. He was sitting in his basket with his hands folded on his feet. His head was on his hands. He usually went to bed at this time, but not this time. His mood was far from calm and happy. He felt frustrated and depressed. He was thinking about his relationship with Twilight.
I will never be what I want to be for her. All her life she calls me her assistant and friend, and at the same time says that I am her family. It can't be like that. Family is not just friends or helpers, it is something more. It's like the relationship of brothers and sisters, mothers and sons, and so on. In the family, everyone occupies a special place, a special title, a special attitude.
What place do I hold for her? What do I mean to her? How does she feel about me? Most importantly, who am I to her? I always dreamed that I was her son and she was my mom. But which of these is real? Which of these is true? What do I mean to her?
I don't know. All I know is that she is my world, my protector. To say that she means a lot to me is not to say anything, not to convey in words how valuable she is to me. I am eternally grateful to her for everything she does for me. No matter how strong her mistakes towards me would be, no matter how unfair she would not treat me, no matter how many unpleasant words she would not say, I will still love her. Of course, all this was rare, but would it affect anything? I love her anyway. I've always considered her my mom and I love her like a mom. But what about her?
I remember as a child I sometimes called her that, but in response I received only misunderstanding and reproaches. I don't know if she considered herself my mom when I was very young. I don't think I'll ever find out. Once she even yelled at me for calling her that at a ball where some significant Equestria ponies gathered. After that incident, she made it clear that I should not dare to call her that. It was a blow to the heart; it was a severe wound, which I still clearly remember. It seemed to me that I should not consider her a mom even in my soul. But how can I change what is considered to be the truth? She literally hatched me, raised me, cared for me and protected me. She really is considered my mom. But... maybe it's just me who thinks so? Maybe it's just my truth and nobody else's? Perhaps these are just my hopes.
I can't stop loving her the way I was meant to, the way I want to. I want to love her like a mom, no matter what. Even if she forbade it to me.
She was always happy to spend her free time with me. I appreciate it, I will never forget a single moment spent with her.
I will either have to suffer with these thoughts all my life, or try to change it. Perhaps I will receive an angry tirade that I do not deserve her maternal love, and I have no reason or reason to think that our relationship is anything more than friendly. At best, she'll call me brother, but that's not what I'd like at all. Our relationship is not at all similar to the ones I observe between her and Shining. This is different, and dramatically. Sometimes I get the feeling that she is more attached to him and treats him more warmly. This is understandable. And with her parents, everything is clear. They are all one family, they grew up together.
What about me? For me, the relationship with Twilight is more important than with the rest of my family. I am concerned about my relationship with her.
The dragon had been sitting like this for about an hour. He scrolled through his thoughts several times, thinking over all the things that were bothering him. It didn't get any easier for him. On the contrary, he felt depressed and forgotten. Tears were streaming down his face, his eyes were red, and his body was trembling slightly. The desire to ask who he is for her has not disappeared.
Spike was looking out the window over Twilight's bed. He wanted... no, he desired to know how she really felt about him. Is he just an assistant who means nothing to her anymore, except to help and support in any business? Does he not deserve the love that a mother feels for her son? He intended to find out today–right now. Living on with thoughts of the unknown becomes more difficult and unbearable. The uncertainty was frightening: would she reject him, or would his feelings and desire be accepted? It is unlikely that this will happen at all, but it is definitely worth getting rid of the unknown.
Hoping for the best and preparing for the worst, he got to his feet. Wiping away the last tears, he got out of the basket and headed for the stairs leading to the first floor. He tried not to cry and to be more confident in his intention.
His whole appearance was unhealthy: a wet face, reddened eyes, a trembling body and a slight pallor. He had little strength left, but he was not going to delay the moment, his determination did not allow him to give up.
The whole world seemed to have left him. When Spike approached the stairs, his perception of the world changed: the walls, floor and ceiling of the library turned to stone, and all the furniture and things in it disappeared. The dragon seemed to be in a dark cave deep in the bowels of a huge mountain. There were no sounds; no smells-there was anything. Only the dark vaults of the cave and the unknown in the darkness ahead.
The state of detachment left Spike when he descended. The real outside world surged in as abruptly as it disappeared. There was the smell of coffee, the sounds of scratching a pen on parchment and the rustle of turning the pages of a book.
The lavender unicorn was lying on the sofa, reading a book and drinking coffee. Twilight did not immediately notice Spike. When he came close to her, she turned in his direction when she noticed the movement.
"Spike, I told you to go to bed, you need to go to bed on time to get a good night's sleep," she said in a cold voice.
"I want to talk," the dragon answered.
"It can wait until tomorrow, go to bed!" She said again in the same cold and unemotional voice.
The dragon understood that she was very busy and would not leave the book until she had read it in full, but on the other hand, he did not want another restless and nightmarish nights that occasionally happened to him because of his experiences. If he doesn't ask now, he's unlikely to decide in the near future. It took him a long time to gather his strength. It was not easy to cope with emotions, and it was even more difficult to hold back tears.
As luck would have it, small droplets were going to treacherously leak out. He felt that his voice would most likely falter when he spoke again. Anxiety was beginning to overwhelm him, but he tried to restrain himself.
"Please, Twi, don't banish me!" I really want to talk to you! he said hesitantly as he touched her front left hoof with the claws of his right hand.
The unicorn looked at him, finally. Her expression changed from tense and cold to restless. She saw a slightly pale and visibly trembling dragon in front of her. His eyes were covered with blood, the scales on his head and even in some places glistened; he held his tail in his hand and tugged. It seems that he was very worried about something, and very much.
"Spike, what happened? Did you have nightmares again? You look really bad!" She exclaimed, putting the book aside. She sat down and magically lifted him up next to her. Taking him by the shoulders, and looking at him attentively, she continued: "don't be afraid, tell me everything that bothers you. I know that sometimes you don't say something. Tell me everything; I won't be mad at you."
"Even if it changes my life and yours?" dragon asked.
"Of course," she replied, running her left hoof over his cheeks, wiping the tears from them.
He looked at her, preparing to say the cherished words, he wanted to be sure that she treated him differently. Not the way he thought, but the way he wanted.
"Twi, who am I to you? Just your assistant and friend?" He asked, hesitating slightly.
"Of course, Spike, you are my best friend and assistant, never doubt it."
"That's not what I wanted to hear. There is something I would like to know."
She was intrigued and stunned. He always accepted with pride and special joy how she called him and how she treated him, but lately he reacted to it in a different way. As if he wasn't happy about it. It bothered her.
"Am I not part of your family?" He asked.
"What? Of course you're my family, Spike, how can you doubt that?"
"Friends and family are different things," he began to explain, excitement began to increase, "you can't treat friends like family. Family is something more, something special. Something more than friends. I... I doubt who I am to you. You call me a helper and a friend, but at the same time you call me family. It confuses me." He paused, trying to recover and calm down, his heart was pounding wildly, he was about to say those most cherished words. He needs to say it. Whatever the answer was, he had to find out. "If I'm your family, then who am I to you? I can't just be your friend."
She began to guess what he was driving at. She wasn't sure of her answer, but something inside her told her that she had no right to make a mistake. She had to give the only correct answer that had been tossing around inside her for a long time. She knew that the answer was deep in her mind, the answer that would reveal to her the cherished truth that the dragon needed to know. She was lost in herself for a couple of minutes, after which she spoke.
"Well, you've always been like a brother to me... I..." she cut herself off, noticing how the dragon shuddered. He turned slightly pale, a new stream of tears gushed down his face, which the dragon could not restrain.
Twilight was surprised by his reaction. Isn't that what he wanted to hear? She was confused.
"Spike, is something wrong? Why are you crying? I thought you wanted to..."
"Why?" He asked, "I..." he began to cry even harder.
"I always knew who you were to me when I was very young. I remember how you took care of me, I wanted our former relationship to be preserved forever, I always believed and saw in you..." the flow of tears intensified, it became harder for him to speak, "I wanted to... To know... I want to ask, Twi."
She looked at him with even more concern, holding him tightly by the shoulders. She still had no idea what the dragon was trying to achieve. The answer was on the surface, but it eluded her, no matter how much she wanted to catch it. As if something was bothering her, some thoughts were blocking her from answering.
"I... may I... may... to call and consider you mine... mine... you're my..."
Twilight began to understand what he wanted. For some unknown reason, she was afraid of the words he would say.
"But why?" She asked herself. A bolt of lightning seemed to open in her head, causing her head to twitch slightly. The answer she was looking for flooded her consciousness with a stream of cold water. Old thoughts, which she preferred to forget long ago, opened up to the gaze of her mind.
Earlier, when he was a baby, she sometimes could not cope with the role that he saw in her. She knew that Spike considered her his parent, and treated it with great joy and responsibility. But since then, when he learned to speak and often called her by the title she was proud of, something has changed in her. It seemed strange and inappropriate to the Unicorn. She wished the little dragon would stop doing that. Whether it was her studies or herself, she didn't know. Now Twilight was sure that the problem was in the wrong prioritization. She was proud of her role as a student of the princess, and sometimes treated the role of a parent with disdain. She sometimes forgot who she was in the first place. And it was wrong. It was Spike who made her what she is. She was responsible for him. He deserves better treatment.
When Twilight was a filly, she was happy with what he called her, but over time, the title of parent she adored and dearly loved was forgotten, forgotten because of her, because of her mistakes. She blamed herself for the way she sometimes treated him when he didn't deserve it. These were her grossest mistakes. Now she can no longer remember everything she said and did to him in the heat of her indignation. She did not bring up the topic of the old dear relationship, because she was afraid that it would alienate them from each other. Gradually, she forgot about it, and it became another mistake that could cause the dragon to have deep and intense experiences, and then nightmares.
The time to correct old mistakes had come, it should have been done much earlier, but she was afraid. Now she is firmly convinced of her intentions. To begin with, the dragon must confess to her what he wants from her, he must pronounce the most cherished word.
"Yes, Spike?" She said encouragingly in a soft, warm voice after a moment of thought.
"I am... I want... may... sorry... forgive me! I shouldn't have... it's my fault!.." He turned away, hunched over and buried his face in the sofa cushion.
She immediately lifted him up with magic, turned him around and pressed him to her, hugging him tightly and not letting him escape, but this only increased his anxiety.
Spike looked at her with frightened eyes. The flow of tears did not stop, his lips trembled, and a dance of fear appeared in his eyes.
"M-m-m... n-n-n... I-I..." he groaned.
"Come on, Spike, don't be afraid, it's all right."
Does she know what I wanted to say? Or is she trying to instill false hope? I'm afraid! I'm afraid to tell her! What if she gets angry? Will she get angry and kick me out? I don't want to be far away from her, I don't want to leave. I must, I must confess! The dragon thought to himself.
He was even more frightened, which only intensified his unstoppable crying, turning into hysterical sobs. Unable to restrain himself any longer, he buried his face into her chest, burrowing into her fur. The lavender unicorn began stroking his head, trying to calm him down somehow. She wanted him to say what was bothering him so much. She and he needed it.
After crying on her chest for at least five minutes, Spike broke away from her and tried to speak again. It was difficult for him.
"T-t-tw-wi, I... m-m-can-w-but m-me... I want... n-n-n... p-p-please..." his voice was trembling, his lips were trembling, it was incredibly difficult to say it, "p-p-pl-le-e-ease... me..." she was still looking at him warmly, waiting for him to say those cherished words.
The dragon took a deep breath and exhaled noisily. After a minute's pause, he spoke, barely overcoming tears:
"You are my world... You have a family... I didn't have a family like you... there never was... same... you're my family... I'm dreaming... dreaming... I've always wanted and dreamed... that you..." he spoke through sobs and noisy breathing.
"Can I count and call you my m-m-mommy?" He looked at her with trepidation, now his whole body was trembling, he could not breathe normally, snot in his nose made his breathing noisy and uneven.
Now it's Twilight's turn to take the lead in the situation.
She hugged him even tighter. With magic, she picked up a handkerchief from the shelf and forced the dragon to blow his nose. After that, she began to stroke his head with one hoof, and continued to hug him with the other.
"I've always been your mom. I think I should be proud of this title and carry it with honor. I didn't deserve to wear it before, when you were just a little dragon. I should have spent more time with you, not punished for nothing and not scolded for what you didn't want to do. I was a bad mom, the days I regret were lost time. I'm sorry, son. I tried to be the best mom for you, even though I didn't know it and didn't always cope. You mean a lot to me, no less than the rest of our family." Now Twilight herself began to cry, her phrases became shorter, "I love you no less. Just know it. I want to be with you always. I've always been your mom, and I'll stay that way no matter what. I don't want to be the cause of your tears; I want to be the cause of your happiness and joy."
The dragon calmed down a little, but still continued to cry.
She took him in her front paws. With one hand she held him behind his back, with the other she supported and hugged his head. To finally comfort the sobbing dragon, she brought her head close to his head and began showering the top of his head with a series of short kisses. Gently kissing his comb on his head and on both sides of him, she gradually approached his face. The dragon's crying gradually subsided. She kissed his forehead, the taste of his scales was pleasant, she always liked him. Very rare moments of tenderness between them she considered wrong and wanted to fix it. Everyday hugs and a few motherly kisses should fix a lot.
"And why did I rarely kiss him? He has very tasty scales. He must not think that he means little to me. I don't want to see him sad." She thought to herself.
Continuing to kiss his forehead, she went to his right eye. He closed it, she slowly and gently barely touched her lips to his eyelid, not wanting to cause even the slightest pain to the dragon. As gently as possible, she caressed him, stroking the scales on his face with her lips. She switched to the left eye and repeated all the manipulations with it.
Not wanting to stop, she remembered what she had done to him as a filly. When she had free time, she had fun with him in every possible way, inventing various moments of tenderness.
Right now, she didn't care how much her beloved dragon had grown. She wanted to pamper him with such moments as much as her imagination would allow. She rubbed her nose against his. By this time, the dragon had completely calmed down. He smiled at her and her caresses. She wanted to babysit him for as long as possible.
Before she continued, she wanted to hear her most valuable position again, for her it was more important than the position of protégé and pupil of the princess. It was much more valuable than that rank.
"Spike, so who am I to you?" She asked, looking at him lovingly.
"You are my beloved mommy," he replied, a charming smile floated across his parent's face.
She felt nicer and warmer. She forgot about the rest of the world, there was only her, her dragon and their blossoming relationship that was once long forgotten.
She closed the book and extinguished the candle. The room was pitching black. Twilight lit her horn, magic enveloped the dragon. Spike looked at her with interest. Together with him, she ran up the stairs to her bedroom. She wanted to do one more thing with her son before she fell asleep.
She lay down on the bed, put her beloved son next to her, intercepted his body and laid him on top of her. His head was on her chest, and the rest of his body was lying on her stomach and hind legs. Her muzzle came close to his left ear. Gently rubbing against the dragon's cheek, the lavender unicorn whispered in his ear:
"No matter what happens, no matter where I am, no matter what I experience, I want you to know that you have always been and will always be my favorite little dragon, a sweet adorable baby." She stroked his stomach with one hoof, and stroked his head with the other, "you are my sweet little pie, my delicious bun, my beloved child, the most valuable thing I have…"
"Mommy, that's enough, I feel weird, I..."
"Sh-h-h! Don't interrupt! I have rarely said something like that to you and not so often told you how much I appreciate you and how important you are to me. I want you to know who you are to me and how valuable you are."
The dragon, who was pretty reddened by her warm words, resigned himself to his fate, comfortably settling on her chest. He could hear her heartbeat; the sound was soothing and relaxing for him.
"You are my treasure, the best thing I have. I'm glad I'm your mom, I'm glad you're my precious son. My beloved and sweet son. I'm sorry if you missed these words before, I just want you to know it and remember it forever. I will not exchange you for anyone; you will forever remain my most beloved creation, my creation."
The dragon blushed more and more, it was the first time he had heard so many words at once, but he did not stop his mother from saying what she wanted. Her confessions and revelations made the dragon feel more valued and loved.
The inhabitants of the library did not notice how the rain and thunder began. The dragon's fears, fears and nightmares seemed to have escaped from him and turned into inclement weather. Deafening lightning usually caused the dragon to cower in a dark corner and tremble with fear, but not this time. This will not happen today or in the future. There is no reason for this anymore.