How to Talk to Mares

by Derping Doo

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Romance, Comedy
Length: 8809

If you're having trouble with relationships, watch what Spike, Blueblood, and the Doctor are put through.

Has your luck with the mares been horrible lately? Do your attempts at flirting usually end up with a visit to the police station, or a spray of mace in the face? Well your in luck. This guide will teach you how to hold a steady conversation with the ladies, score a date, and , if your super lucky, an invitation to their house. My name's Scorching Stripes, and I'm here to help you with your lady problems.
———————————————————————————————————————————-

So this is my first story ever on fimfiction, and I thought a romantic comedy might help break the ice. The story follows my OC helping three guys get through their problems, so it'll have a lot of chapters with them talking, like flashbacks.
Criticism is appreciated.

Rated Teen for future chapter dialogue; hitting on mares.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-03-12 01:12:51 UTC

Prologue

         I needed something to eat. After all, I was on my way to a very big meeting that I'm hosting. The first "How to talk to mares" class is happening tonight. In fact, its happe- oh buck. OH BUCK! IT ALREADY STARTED!!! How am I late for my very own meeting? I'm usually so focused. I'm just not myself when I'm hungry. See, this is why I need to eat a hearty meal every day.

Anyway, I stopped at the closest shack with food. It had apple tarts, pies, fritters, candied apples, caramel apples, basically, any apple treat you could think of. An orange mare seemed to be running the shack."Howdy partner, what can I do ya for?", she asked in a country accent.

With just apple flavored foods on the menu, it wasn't very hard to choose what to eat."Uh......gimme an apple fritter".

"Sure thing, that'll be two bits.", she said. I handed her the money and gobbled it up as soon as she gave it to me, not noticing the weird look she gave me.

"Oh sweet Celestia, this is good! I'll have another, please! In fact, I'll have 6 more!"

"Uh, sure. That's twelve bits.", she said, looking a bit baffled. I handed her the money, took the fritters, and began eating.

As I was eating, I asked the mare her name.

"Applejack." Huh, Applejack. That explained the apple foods.  These fritters were delicious, almost as if they came from the place with the best baked goods in Ponyville; Sugarcube Corner. I even have a friend there who gives me discounts every other day.Hmm........Sugarube Corner.......wasn't there something big going on there tonight? .......Oh yeah!! The meeting that's happening now-

"OH BUCK!!!! I'M STILL LATE! GOTTA GO! NICE MEETING YOU APPLEJACK!!!!" I yelled.

"Uh, bye?", I heard her say as I left.

"Sweet Celestia, he could be related to Pinkie."

Lets Get Started

I ran into Sugarcube Corner panting and sweating like a madman, where two colts, a baby dragon, and my friend who I was talking about earlier were sitting in a circle, the former munching on a cupcake.

"Oh! Your here!!” she said.

"It's about time! Do you know how long we've been waiting?” said one of the colts. He had a blonde mane, a white coat, and sported a tuxedo. He was, apparently, Canterlot royalty.

"Hey, I'm sure it’s not his fault he's late. Who knows, something strange might've happened to him on his way here.” the other colt stated, this one with dark brown hair, a tan coat, and a tie.

"Oh, enough with your whole supernatural time master act!! It's getting really annoying!"

"Actually, it’s time lor-"

"I DON'T CARE!!"

"Hey, stop arguing with Mr. Hooves, you jerk! Besides, it was nice to get to know each other and talk with Pinkie while waiting for him!” the dragon said.

"Riiigghht.’Cuz being introduced to a wimpy dragon, a delusional pony, and having to listen to an annoying pink pony yap on about blah blah sweets and blah blah parties is such a nice time! This was a stupid idea! I'm getting the buck outta here!"

"That's not such a good idea" I told him.

"Why?"

"Do I need to remind you why you considered taking this class? Remember the dinner party? Your 'flirting failure'?" That made the dragon and Pinkie giggle, while the other colt held his hoof to his mouth, trying his best to keep himself from laughing. This made the blonde colt grow red with embarrassment.

"Oh, that."

"Yeah. Also, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't be so rude. To pass this class, you have to get along with everypony, no matter what."

"You expect me to show regal kindness to these common peasants!? I'm Canterlot royalty!!"

"Take that title away, and what are you? A pony. Just like the rest of us, albeit, besides the dragon."

"Oh, don't worry mister, I don't care whether people call me a dragon or a pony. For me, it’s the same!"

"Well, then I guess it’s 'just like the rest of us'. What's your name, dragon?"

"Spike."

"Well, Spike, that kind of spirit is what I like to see! Anyway, we're all the same, no matter what class we are. We can all find friendship in one another. Haven't you ever read the mare's tail 'The Pony and the Pauper'? Just be kind to other ponies, especially the mares, and maybe you can make more friends. And to help you guys with this lesson, I have assisting me one of the friendliest mares in all of Equestria. Pinkie, I think we should get this class started, agreed?" I asked her.

She giggled a bit (I could've sworn I saw her blush) and said "Yup! Now the first lesson is to greet everypony you see with a great big smile! See, like this!" Her smile was really bright, almost sparkling, if that were possible.

"You heard the mare! Give us your best smile!!" I yelled at my three students. Man, its fun to give people instructions.

Spike gave us a really big smile, like he was trying his hardest. A little too hard. "Uh, Spike?" I said.

"Yesh?” he said through clenched teeth.

"Your smile seems a bit awkward. Try toning it down a bi-......a lot." I said.

His smile became small, but firm.

"That's better!” I complimented." Okay.....I'm sorry, I didn't get your full name Mr. ...Hooves?” I asked the tan colt.

"Oh! I'm The Doctor.", he replied.

"The Doctor ..........................of?"

"No, just The Doctor"

".....Uh.....okkaaaayyyy. So your name is The Doctor Hooves?" I asked, very confused.

"Well, you can just call me Doctor, or Doctor Hooves, or even Mr. Hooves!"

"Right...well....Doctor, let's see your smile."

His smile looked neat and centered. "Wow, your smile's good. It could help in the next lesson. Okay......name please?"

"Prince Basel Larry Umir Ed Brendan Luis Otis Omar Darren the 2nd, but you can call me Blueblood."

"What kind of......okay, Blueblood, show us your smile." When he showed his smile he wriggled his eyebrows with a rose in his mouth, and a breeze that seemed to come out of nowhere moved his mane.

"Well, what do you think? Spectacular, isn't it?"

"It’s too......self-absorbed." I said plainly.

"What? How?"

"Look at Spike's and The Doctor's smiles. They don't have roses in their mouths or mysterious wind blowing their mane."

"I see nothing wrong with these things."

I sighed. "Oh boy, we have a long way to go."

Private Sessions and Cherrychangas

Day three of my HTM classes. Ponies say time flies by when you don’t pay attention to it. For me, it’s hard not to pay attention to how much longer you have to wait until you can go home and away from the day’s work, or more specifically, an arrogant, snobby, uptight pri- it’s Blueblood. We should already be practicing in the field if it weren’t for me having to stop and tell him to stop being or doing something and more time to get him to realize that he is!

Well, it could be worse ….right? Oh, I hope things get better soon. Otherwise, I’ll have to break out the secret wea-

-Beep- -Beep- -Beep-

Oh, time for classes.

~~~~~~~~~~

“But can I just-“

“No.”

“But what abou-“

“No!”

“Why??”

“I already told you, Blueblood, your “moves” need serious improvement. I could be able to help you more if you admitted this. We would be able to get by lessons faster, and so much easier. Just let me help you. It’ll be a relief for both of us.”

Silence. Just silence. I guess he needs time to think. He’s taking a while, though, and the private session is gonna end soon, before real class for the day begin. I would take this long to order some food. There are just so many varieties to choose from.  Like cake, or hay sandwiches, or even that new cherrychanga thing Pinkie made. Or was it a chimmycherry? Eh, I dunno. Wait, wasn’t I doing some-

“…..F-fine”

-thing? That’s right!! I was waiting for an answer from Blu-

…wait….

……………..

“…What?”

“I said…fine.”

“…Really??”

“Y…yes. Are you gonna keep making me say it? It’s bad enough already.”

“W-wow! Um…o-ok! Sweet Celestia that was easier that I thought. …Ok then!! We’ll work harder now! We’ll fix you! We’ll turn you into a real kind, charming prince, and not a pain in the-“

“This feels more like you’re insulting me than helping me…”

“Nonsense! Now let’s start on how you shou-“

-Beep- -Beep- -Beep-

“Oh! Your private session’s over! Sorry, but I gotta set things up for today’s lesson.”

“But we didn’t even start my lesson!”

“Sorry Blueblood, but I only have so much free time! I’m amazed how I get so much done these days!”

“Ugh, fine. I guess I’ll have to wait ‘till tomorrow.”

“Hey Pinkie!! Could you help me make some cupcakes for today’s meeting?” I yelled into the kitchen. Baking cupcakes is always fun with Pinkie.

“Couldn’t you make something else? I swear if I eat another cupcake I’ll-“

“Calm down Blueblood. Hey Pinkie!! Scratch that, could you help me make some cherrychun…chimmycher…..cherry burritos?”

“Oh, okay!!”

“Thanks! Well Blueblood, I guess you’re stuck with setting up the tables so….good luck with that!”

“Hey wait, I’m not doing this!”

“Oh come on. It’s not much, plus you agreed to do what I say for the lessons.”

“Yeah, but not to these terms! I didn’t think I’d be cleaning and moving furniture around!”

“Well, you are now! Good day to you sir, and I will see you in a few hours.”

“But-“

“Bye!!”

~~~~~~~~~~

“Okay, so now that we’ve put the fires out, our chimmycherrychangas are ready to eat!”

“I dunno Pinkie, they seem a little….burnt”

“We’ll just have to fight through it! There’s no need to waste good food!”

“Well, you’re the chief!”

Pinkie giggled, “You mean, the chief chef!”

“Hey yeah! That’s pretty clever!Good one, Pinkie!”

Another giggle, this time with a snort. I know Pinkie is a giggly pony, but she kinda seemed to laugh around me more. Also, it feels good to make her laugh. I don't know why, though. Weird.

“Well, I guess we should set up the food now.”

“Heh, yeah. C’mon, Spike and Doc are coming soon. Blueblood should be done with the tables by now-“

What we saw when we opened the kitchen door was pure horror. Or at least, organized chaos.

“Wha-how-whe-BLUEBLOOD!!”

“Huh? Oh, heeeey Scorch! Umm…..w-what’s up??”

“What’s up? Why are all the tables piled on top of you???”

“Oh…that. Well, you see….uh…ok. I was trying to do what you told me to do, when I realized, I don’t know how to unfold a table. I thought if I used my magic to unfold them, it would be easier to do and, well, this happened.”

“….Fair enough, I guess.” I used my magic to remove the tables from Blueblood. Then, I set them up. Did I mention that I hate using my magic? I don’t like to talk about it much. Anyway, Pinkie and I set up the food, and about ten minutes later, Spike and Doc showed up.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Okay class, today we’re gonna learn about trust. To do that, we can’t have any secrets between us. So, as a trust exercise, you guys will take turns telling why you’re here, then I’ll tell you guys why I decided to make H.T.T.T.M., okay?”

“Uh, okay.” said Doc, but with a hint of nervousness in his voice.

Spike swung his feet in his chair. “Sure!”

“Blueblood, are you ready? Remember what we talked about.”

“F-fine.”

“Okay then, who’s going first? Anyone? Anyone?” Spike swung his feet while staring at the ground, Doc brushed his hoof through his mane, sweat trickling down his forehead, and Blueblood just stared in the opposite direction.

“Okay then, I guess I’ll have to choose somepony. Ahem, eenie meenie minie- its Blueblood."

Fifty Bits Worth of Failure (Revised)

“…What?”

“You heard me. I’ve totally-not-on-purposely chosen you to be the first to tell us why you’re here.”

“…I knew the deal was a bad idea.” He sighed. “Well, I guess I have no choice then, do I?”

“Not really.” I glanced over at Pinkie. “Pinkie, I’m gonna need you to step out. We don’t want you ruining the story for us.”

“Aw no fair!”

“Sorry, but since you’re the one who found and recruited these guys, you already know their stories, and we don’t want you spoiling it.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. But it still seems pretty unfair to me.”

“It’s completely fair. Trust me. And don’t worry; you’ll only be gone for about three chapters.” Oh wait…I’m not supposed to break the fourth wall in front of them. I Pinkie promised.

Spike’s just staring at me with a confused look. “Three more chapters? But we’re not in a book… right?”

Pinkie’s now glaring at me. “You… broke… you’re… Pinkie… promise…”

“Look Pinkie, I’m really sorry for breaking my Pinkie promise, and I’m sure we can work this out, but I have some stories to listen to right now so…yeah…” I must have a seriously nervous look on my face right now.

She began to step backwards. “…Fine. I’ll just wait three cha- hours.” She walked into the shadows and disappeared.

I’m blank right now, I can feel it. It’s not good to anger Pinkie Pie. Sometimes, she’ll go easy on you and shoot you out of her party cannon. “Phew, well I guess we should move o-“

“But you better be prepared! I’ll come when you least expect it!!”

“OHMYCELESTIA! Pinkie?” I’ve never been more scared in my entire life.

“Just you wait…” She was practically gritting her teeth.

“Um… let’s move on, shall we?” My voice cracked. I’m not giving a good example in the show no fear to your mare lesson. Well, wait… was Pinkie even my mare? I mean, yeah, we hang out a lot, and yes, I make her laugh a lot, but who doesn’t? And sure, I go to her place more often than her other friends, but that doesn’t mean I like her… do I? I mean, all things considered, I guess we coul-

“Um, Scorch? Can we get on with my story?”

“…Huh? Oh yeah, uh, right. Way to show your eagerness!”

“I’m just trying to get rid of my stress” Blueblood said dryly.

“Yeah, okay. Anyway, let’s get to it. Blueblood, tell us why you’re here.”

He sighed. “At least I don’t have to worry about nerves later. Well, like you guys may’ve heard before, it all started at yet another Canterlot dinner party. I, of course, was invited to attend…”

~~~~~~~~~~

Prince Blueblood was socializing with another Posh Canterlot character, yet losing focus, answering most of his questions with ‘uh huh’ and ‘oh really?’ He was just bored out of his mind, tempted to just bang his head on the table. But being Canterlot royalty, you always have to remain polite.

“Are you even listening to me?”

“Huh? Oh! Sorry Change, I’m just getting a bit drowsy. Socializing with celebrities takes a lot out of you, don’t you agree?”

“Hm, well I can’t really disagree. Why just last night, I almost fell into my dinner from restlessness! Ah, the life of Canterlot celebrities does have its faults, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. You?”

“Well, it does have its rewards.” They both let out a small chuckle.

Blueblood’s eyes wandered to the side. There, he spotted a nicely shaped mare, who looked like she was in need to release …‘stress’.

“Speaking of rewards...”

His friend, Spare Change, gazed at what he was looking at. “Oh, you can’t actually be considering to try and get with her. I know that you’re a prince, but she has a very specific taste in stallions, and I don’t think you fit the description.  She’ll never go for you.”

“Oh, come now. You don’t think I have a few tricks up my sleeve? By the end of the night, I can guarantee you that mare will be begging for more.”

“I warned you. You can go ahead and try, while I stay back here and watch your plan unfold. I ask only this; if you fail to win the heart of any mare and have to leave the party out of humiliation and embarrassment, I wish to stay. I don’t want to have to give up this opportunity for an excellent evening because of your actions.”

Blueblood now began to feel insulted. “Oh, you don’t think I can do it?”

“I’m not saying that. It’s just that the likelihood of this actually happening is very slim, even for you.”

Now Blueblood felt anger. “I’ll prove to you that I can woo any mare’s heart. I’ll tell you what, I’ll even bet on this.”

“If you feel so confident, then who am I to stop you? How much would you like to wager?”

“Fifty. Bits.” Blueblood knew this was a hefty amount of money for a bet, but if somepony chooses to insult Prince Blueblood, then they better know what they’re getting themselves into.

“You must be extremely confident to wager that many bits. Lucky for us we’re rich. Well then, place your bits on the table. I need physical proof to bet. I’ll do it first.” Spare Change put a heavy bag of coins onto their table. “Now, where are your bits?”

Blueblood placed two medium sized bags of bits on the table. “Here are my bits.” Blueblood put them back in his vest pockets. “You don’t think I’m dumb enough to leave fifty bits unattended while I go win the bet, do you?”

“Aw, the fact that you don’t trust me with money hurts me right here.” He said, pointing at his heart.

“Whatever. Now if you excuse me, I have a bet to win.”

“Ha, I’m so sure of it.” Sarcasm. One of blueblood’s pet peeves.

“Just watch.” He began trotting toward the mare he had spotted. “Excuse me, I don’t mean to interrupt your conversation, but I was wondering if we could get to know each other. I feel like you’re different than these other mares, and I’d like to see if that’s true. Would you care to talk somewhere quiet?”

The mare didn’t seem so impressed. “I don’t think you noticed, but I’m kind of in the middle of a conversation. No thanks.”

“Oh come now I insist.”

“I said no thanks. I said it kindly, too. Now please, leave me alone.”

“Hm. Alright then. I hope you know that you just missed out on a good time.” Blueblood knew when to throw in the towel, and he didn’t want to cause a scene. But he also knew that he’d be out fifty bits. Unless…

“Ha. Didn’t work out did it? I do believe you owe me fifty bits. Now pay up.”

“Always a hasty one when it comes to money. Change, listen. I don’t think that was so fair. How about we change the bet?”

“Oh no you don’t. I’m not about to risk losing an easy fifty bits.”

“We can double the bits.”

“Deal. Now what do you want to change about the bet?”

“I did say I can win any mare’s heart, correct?”

“Yeah.”

“So, How about we change the bet to win not just any particular mare, but any mare here. Better yet, at least one mare.”

“So let me get this straight. You want me to bet one-hundred bits to see if you can get at least one mare to sleep with you by the end of the night? No way in Tartarus am I betting on tha-“

“I’ll double my end to two-hundred.”

“Deal. Good luck getting laid. Oh, before I go and get another drink, you don’t mind if I add my own touch on the bet, do you?”

“Fine. What are your calls?”

“It has to be a beautiful mare, you need to get her name, and it has to be before midnight.”

“Why midnight?”

“Everything ends at midnight. Plus, I’m bored.”

“Let’s see, it’s ten-thirty right now, so that gives me an hour and a half? Ok then. Let the newly revised bet begin!”

And so, the prince went through the crowds of ponies to find a suitable mare. He wasn’t having the best of luck. By eleven o’ clock, He had been shut down by at least two other mares. He caught up with Spare Change, who looked like he was the life of the party. “Oh, hey Blueblood! Listen, I’ve been thinking it over, and even though I like to have extra money lying around, how about we forget this whole bet and enjoy the rest of the party?”

As much as Blueblood wanted to, his pride was too big for him to give up. “No. I have to prove to you that I can woo at least one mare by the end of the night. I only have one hour left, and I’m not going to waste it talking to you.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to embarrass yourself?”

“Yes. I’m sure.”

“Well, I can see that you’re stubbornness knows no bounds, so I’ll leave you to it. Good luck, my friend.”

“Whatever.” Spare Change left him to continue the bet. Blueblood needed options. He needed to win this stupid bet and prove that he’s still got it.

He just needed to get one mare. Just one. His eyes searched for a suitable one. There had to be one somewhere… there!

He spotted a grey mare with lavender eyes on the stage for the quartet, perhaps a member. After all, she had a treble clef cutie mark.

“Excuse me, miss…?”

“Octavia.” The mare responded.

“Excuse me, Octavia. I noticed you from a distance. This happened because you caught my eye. I can tell that you’re different from the other mares here, and I’d like to get to know you better. Could we have a chat in a more… private place?”

“That’s very nice of you, but I’m afraid I’ll have to decline. You see, I already have a special somepony, but my somepony wasn’t able to come with me tonight.” Octavia answered.

“I see. Well, I bet you’re special somepony isn’t a prince. Wouldn’t it be nice to relax and have a nice time with me? I don’t think he’ll know. He won’t have to either.” Blueblood felt a little wrong about doing this, but he was beginning to get desperate. Besides, if you’re gonna’ let your mare go to a Canterlot party alone, you should really expect things to happen. What mare wouldn’t want to hook up with hotshots in Canterlot? In Canterlot, if he has a bigger wallet, he’s a better stallion. It’s a little wrong, but Canterlot is just like that.

“I’ll have you know that I’m not that kind of mare. I’m loyal to my ma- excuse me, stallion. My answer is no, so please go away now.” Great, he ticked off the music mare. Now what was he supposed to do?

He still hadn’t gotten a single mare, and now, it was eleven-forty-seven. Thirteen more minutes. Guess he had no choice but to give up.

“No! I’m not giving up. These mares don’t seem to be interested in the fact that I’m a prince. So I’ll have to ditch that pick-up. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Now, which one of these mares would Blueblood ultimately conquer? His eyes searched the crowds for a mare who looked attractive, and who didn’t have anyone to talk to. This was relevantly hard to do, since most of the attractive mares drew a crowd. Let’s see… no… not that one… there! Now time for phase two.

The prince approached the mare. “Excuse me, but I couldn’t help but see that you’re not talking to anypony. I was wondering if we could have a conversation over a drink. I’ll pay.”

“Oh that’s very nice of you, but no thanks.” The mare seemed a bit shy.

Blueblood saw that she needed a little nudge. “Oh, come now. I insist.”

“No, it’s alright. You don’t have to. I’m just waiting for a friend.”

“Please miss, as a gentlecolt, I insist I buy you that drink.”

“No thank you.”

“Nonsense! Waiter, one of your best specialties. No wait, two of your best specialties.”

“Please stop. I already declined politely, so please leave me alone.” Huh, déjà vu.

Blueblood was so desperate to win the bet and keep his pride, he didn’t get the hint, even though she flat-out told him no.

“Let me buy you a drink.”

“No. I don’t want a drink. I already said no. Now leave me alone.”

“I offer you a drink, and you decline. That’s not how it works. I offer you a drink, and you accept. That’s how it works. You

see the problem here? Accept my offer on the drink.” Now Blueblood didn’t care. He was fed up with the events of the night, and was determined to get this mare to accept his drink.

“Please, I would appreciate it if you didn’t talk to me like that. I already said no. It’s as simple as that. I don’t know how

oblivious you are, but I’ll tell you if you still don’t get it. I don’t want your drink. I just want you to leave me alone.”

By now, a crowd began to form around them, with Spare Change in it.

“Well, I didn’t realize that I was wasting my breath, and possibly my money, on such a stuck up, little bit-“

“Okay folks, I think we’ve all had one drink too many. Why don’t we forget this whole thing and move on with the party?”

Spare Change interrupted Blueblood before his words could get crude.

“She probably hasn’t had any drinks. She’s just like that.”

“Go away, and leave me alone.” The mare was still able to keep her calm, not something that could be said for the prince.

“He’ll be on his way.” Spare Change nudged Blueblood away from the crowd, right before the 12 strokes of midnight

occurred. “Guess you lose the bet.” He muttered under his breath.”

As soon as they got to an empty table, Spare Change reminded Blueblood of his doubled price.

The prince sighed. “Are you really doing this?”

“Hey, I’m not the one that wanted to raise the bet. You could’ve just stopped at fifty bits, but your pride was just too valuable,

wasn’t it? Well, now you have to pay the price.”

“Fair enough. Here, take the money. I don’t care anymore.” Blueblood tossed the bags at Spare Change.

“Are you alright, Blueblood? You mad because you found out that you can’t really win the heart of any mare?”

“It’s not like it’s my fault! These mares are all crazy.” The prince said with anger.

Spare Change looked at him. “Or, maybe, you’re not that much of a charmer anymore. Maybe the mares don’t really have

dreams of a prince coming in to sweep them off their hooves anymore.”

“What are you saying?” Blueblood asked.

“Eh, I’m not really sure. But I guess that I’m trying to say that you need serious improvement.” said Change.

“Ooh, I know where you can get help!”

“GAH!” The prince fell out of his chair due to shock, because a certain pink poofy pony… materialized…in front of him? She

came out of nowhere, basically.

“Who are you?” The prince asked, not even trying to hide the annoyance in his voice.

“I’m Pinkie Pie! And you must be the colt Rarity was with at the Gala. Based on what she said about you, you kinda… really

need help. It wasn’t very nice to use Rarity as a cake shield.”

Blueblood recalled what she was talking about. Then he remembered the rest of the night, like how it… ended. “Wait, I think I

remember you. Aren’t you the pony who did a stage dive, which set off those chain events that destroyed the Gala?” He

remembered her all too well.

“Well, yeah, I guess. But the Gala is supposed to be fun, and everypony wasn’t having any. I saw it as my mission to make

the Gala super fun! Plus, how was I supposed to know that the ponies wouldn’t catch me!”

“Maybe because they didn’t like you? They didn’t appreciate what you were doing to the Gala?” he retorted.

“You’re not very nice. Oh, wait! Forget about that! Like I was saying, I know where you can get help! My friend Scorching

Stripes is going to make a class for colts who need help with relationships, so he wanted me to look around Ponyville to find some! I didn’t really find a lot who actually wanted the help, so I thought I should expand my search to Canterlot! And I found you!” the pink mare told him.

“What makes you think I want help from anypony, let alone a pony from Ponyville? I can solve my own problems just fine!”

Blueblood said with annoyance.

“Actually, judging from what I know and have just now heard, you need all the help you can ge-“

“SHUT UP!!!” Blueblood yelled at his so-called friend. He forgot that they were still at a party, and a few ponies stopped what

they were doing to look at the prince. Growing red from embarrassment, he hissed at Pinkie. “Just get out of here. I don’t

need your help, and I don’t want your help.”

“Well then… okay. Just trying to help you out.”

“I’ve had enough. I’m going home.” The prince was too humiliated to go on with the night. He began walking toward the exit.

“Okaaay, but just don’t flirt again! We don’t want you to make another scene!” Pinkie shouted towards Blueblood.

He stopped cold in his tracks. Gritting his teeth, he slowly walked backwards toward Pinkie. “Just… Leave… Me… Alone!”

“I’m just saying. First with Rarity, then with that mare. I’m not trying to be mean, but you really need help.”

“Face it, Blueblood, every mare you go out with ends up hating your guts after just an hour with you. Don’t you think it’s

about time that you wake up and accept the fact that you’re doing something wrong and you need help? You should really

take up this mare’s offer, even if it is a pony from Ponyville.” Spare Change said to his friend.

He only got angrier. He grabbed his head, slowly running his hooves down his face. He was mad at her, yes, but he was

even more so since he knew she was right. He hated admitting he was wrong. But his pride was still important. “No. I don’t

care how bad I’ve become with mares, I will not accept help from a small town. I’m sure I can find a professional in

relationships to help me out.”

“Aw, that’s too bad. Well, if your mind’s made up, I guess I’ll have to look elsewhere.” Pinkie said.

“Are you sure, Blueblood?” Change asked him.

“I’ve never been more certain about something in my entire life.” The prince said.

“Ok then. Hey… Pinkie was it? How did you even get in here? Didn’t you say you were from Ponyville?”

“Oh, one of my friends is the pupil of Princess Celestia. So, she has connections around Canterlot. She asked Princess

Celestia to get me an invite to this party.” Pinkie explained.

“Really? That makes sense.”

“Yeah! And my other friends…”

Blueblood left Pinkie and Change to talk while he headed towards the exit. On his way there, though, he noticed that most, if

not all, of the ponies there were coupled. Mares and stallions were chatting, drinking, or just embracing the night away.

Blueblood felt worse and worse the more closer he got to the exit. He finally made it to the exit, but was then confronted by

even more couples outside. “This is some kind of sign, isn’t it?” he said to himself. He sighed, and thought to himself. I’m

supposed to take that path, right? But I can’t just go and accept help from simple Ponyville ponies. For Celestia’s sake they

don’t even wear clothes! But… just look around you. Everypony else is in a couple while you’re all alone. Your moves don’t

work anymore; they’re old. I… don’t see anything else to do. I can’t hire a professional; I’m out two-hundred bits! They’re

already pricy. I’ll just take the first lesson, see how it works out. Hopefully, it won’t cost much.

Blueblood made his way back to his table, where Pinkie and Change were still chatting.

“Oh, hey Blueblood!” Pinkie said with enthusiasm.

“Back so soon?” Spare Change added.

“Pinkie, was it? I’ve thought about your offer, and… I’ll… accept it.” The prince said.

“Really? You will??” said Pinkie.

“Y-yes.” Blueblood said with hesitation.

“Great! The first class is in three days! Don’t be laaate!” Pinkie said before leaving the party.

Blueblood sighed, “This better be worth it."

~~~~~~~~~~

“That was…interesting. Well, at least we know that you didn’t regret it!” I like to see the positive side of things.

Blueblood had his head down. “I’m still debating on whether or not that’s true.”

“Wait, so you’re the colt that left Rarity covered in frosting?” Spike seemed agitated.

“Well you didn’t expect me to get my coat dirty, did you?” He answered. “Besides, she was being completely rude to be

during the entire night!”

“That’s because you were being a royal pain!” Now Spike was getting angry.

“Look, Spike, I’m not sure if you’re accustomed to Canterlot ways, but if you were pampered for most of your life, then I’m

sure you would’ve done the same!”

“Not to someone as beautiful as Rarity! That makes me seem like a jerk! A prince is meant to have manners, and be a

gentlecolt. You’re just spoiled!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, everypony just stay calm. Spike, I can see that you have an eye for Rarity. Why don’t you go next? Tell

us why you’re here.” At this, The Doctor wiped his forehead. He really seemed anxious about going.

“Well, okay." Spike cleared his throat, "It happened when I was helping Rarity out with an order…”

Rolling With the Punches

"Spike, could you be a dear and get me the box of jewels over there?"

"Sure thing Rarity!"

"And please don’t eat any. I can’t afford to spend time going out to get more."

"Don’t worry, I won’t!" The purple dragon grabbed a chair and reached for a shelf that had the jewels Rarity pointed out.

Spike quickly ran over to Rarity and handed her the box, trying his best to resist eating one. He skipped breakfast to help the fashionista. A small price to pay to spend the day with Rarity, even if it meant doing backbreaking work. Spike had been helping Rarity out for quite a long time, hoping it would help win the affection of the beautiful mare. He’d also give her gifts, like a ruby he prepared for himself. Spike would do anything for her.

"Thank you dear. Now let’s see. I’ll need three emeralds, some rubies… Oh these pearls are absolutely magnificent! Don’t you agree Spike?"

"Uh huh. They’d look wonderful on you." Spike replied, hearts forming in his eyes.

"Yes, yes. Too bad it’s not for me. Now I’ll need some more topaz… There we are! Let’s see, what else? Hmm… It needs some more blac-" The white mare gasped. "Oh no! This is terrible, absolutely terrible!"

"What is it?" Spike ran to her as fast as he could.

"I’m all out of black fabric! I swear I had at least half a roll left this morning. Not only that, but my green and red fabrics have disappeared as well! I don’t have time to spend getting more fabrics, and with no more black, green, or red, I won’t be able to finish the orders by tonight! Those ponies expected their outfits to be finished first thing in the morning. Oh they relied on me to make them suitable attire for that party in Canterlot tomorrow night. Now what am I going to do?" Rarity wailed.

"Don't worry. I can get it for you!" Spike said.

"Oh thank you so much! What would I ever do without you, my little Spikey-Wikey?" Rarity raised Spike’s chin up with her hoof, making him blush red as a tomato.

"It’s no big deal. So what do you need?" Spike took out a parchment and a quill.

"Let’s see, I’ll need another roll of black, red, and green fabric. Let me get some bits for you." Rarity began to walk up her stairs.

"Okay, I’ll just wait here." Spike called. He sat in silence as he waited for Rarity to get him the bits for the fabrics. Spike heard the front door open.

"Oh, hey Spike!"

He turned around to see who greeted him. "Huh? Oh, hey Sweetie Belle! What’s up?" Spike greeted the crusader.

"Not much. Just came back from some crusading."

"Oh cool. What’d you guys do?" He asked.

"We tried… getting our cutie marks in …designing clothes." She said staring at the ground.

"Wait, what? Is that what happened to Rarity’s fabrics?" The baby dragon asked.

"Yeah…" She moved her hoof along the floor.

"But I thought you already tried that by making you, Applebloom, and Scootaloo costumes."

"I know, but I figured if we all tried together, then we’d have a better chance of doing a great job. Guess I was wrong. Oh please don’t tell Rarity!" She asked with pleading eyes.

Spike sighed, "Okay, but you owe me one."

The little filly jumped up. "Thanks Spike!"

"Oh, hello Sweetie Belle. When did you get here?" Rarity asked as she came down the stairs.

"Hey sis! I came home a while ago. I’m gonna’ go take a nap. Been a really long day of crusading." She said as she yawned. "See ya’ later, Spike!" Sweetie Belle ran up her stairs, into her room.

"See ya’, Sweetie Belle." Spike waved goodbye.

"Now, I’m giving you enough bits for three rolls. I need them by 3:00, no later. Can I trust you with the task at hand?" The mare asked.

"Of course! You can count on me, Rarity!"

"Okay, she said one roll of red, black, and green fabric." Spike muttered to himself as he walked to the fabric store.

"Hey Spike!"

"Oh, hey Pinkie." Spike greeted his friend Pinkie Pie briefly, focusing on what Rarity told him.

"Whatcha’ doin’?" She asked.

The dragon was hit with a sense of déjà vu. "I’m helping Rarity with an order. Gonna’ get some more fabrics for her."

"Still giving Rarity a helping hand? That’s good to see you being generous to her, especially since she’s the element of generosity! Being a generous dragon to the most generous pony we know!" Pinkie laughed.

"Uh, yeah…" The dragon replied, trying to process what his friend just said. "But we both know why I’m really doing it, right?" Spike asked.

"Huh? Oh right! About that, how’s it going between you and Rarity?"

"Good, I guess." Spike said.

"You guess? Well how come?"

"I mean, I can tell she really appreciates me doing all these things for her, but it stops at just that. She tells me thanks or she hugs me. If I’m really lucky, she’ll give me a quick peck on the cheek, but it’s like, I need more than that." Spike began to droop.

"Aw, don’t feel bad. I’m sure she cares for you deeply. She's just not showing it like you’d want her to. Rarity is always busy with her boutique, and when she’s not, she’s having fun with us, you included. She has so many things going on in her life, especially now that Sweetie Belle is living with her. She has to watch out for her sister. I’m sure if you wait long enough, she’ll really see how much you care for her. You just have to wait until she realizes that. Then, you can finally receive the affection of the mare you love so much." Pinkie told the young dragon.

Spike seemed confused that he got such a serious response from Pinkie, but soon processed what she told him. "That’s just it. I have to wait for it to happen, but I don’t know if I can. I'm keeping my crush on Rarity as controlled as I possibly can, but sometimes, the feelings are just too much. I just… I don’t know!!" Spike hollered. Pinkie gazed at him with tear-ridden eyes.

"I hate to see my friends sad, especially when there’s nothing I can do about it. I promise I'll think of something to cheer you up.” She sniffed. "I gotta’ go. Talk to ya’ later, ‘kay Spike?" She gave him a small smile.

"Okay. Thanks for the advice, I guess." Spike muttered.

Pinkie Pie trotted away to wherever she needed to be. Spike kept on walking to the store, lost in deep thought. He sighed,

"What am I going to do?" Spike walked in silence all the way to the store. A posh-looking unicorn was arranging some flowers in a vase near the entrance, spotting Spike.

"Why, hello there young dragon! How may I be of assistance to you today?" He greeted him with a peppy smile. Spike found annoyance in this, but put up with it. No matter what, he was going to get the rolls for Rarity.

"Uh, yeah. I need…um…oh! I need three rolls of fabric; one red, one green, and one… black. Can you get that for me?" He asked.

"But of course! Just let me look in my inventory, and you can be on your way." He said as he went to a room in the back.

"Okay." Spike's mind traveled to his conversation with Pinkie earlier. His brain began to replay what she said to him. I’m sure if you wait long enough, she’ll really see how much you care for her. You just have to wait until she realizes that. He sighed, and began to think. How am I supposed to wait? More importantly, how long am I supposed to wait? I love her. "I don't care what everyone else says, I do. It's not just some puppy love. I really love Rarity. So why doesn't she love me back?" Spike began to form tears in his eyes. He fought them back as hard as he could. A few seconds later, the pony returned with two rolls of fabric; one red and one green.

"Here you are! Using his magic, he handed Spike the two rolls. Spike grabbed them and handed the unicorn the bits Rarity gave him to pay with. The unicorn waved bye to him as Spike left the store. After a while of carrying the rolls, Spike grew tired. He set the rolls down, grunting. They seemed much lighter when the unicorn was handing them to him. Spike inhaled, and dug his claws into the rolls.

"C'mon Spike, you can do this! You've carried stacks of books way heavier than this!" He grunted, "For Rarityy!" Using all his might, he lifted the rolls over his shoulders and began to walk cautiously, trying to make sure the rolls didn't throw him off balance. He took step after step, each one draining him of his energy. Spike was in pain, caused by the overwhelming weight of the rolls, but every time he felt like giving up, he remembered why he even embarked on this mission in the first place: for Rarity. "For Rarity..." He began to let the rolls sink below his eyes. "For... Rari..ty..." Suddenly, the dragon collapsed, overwhelmed by the weight of the rolls. Spike's best wasn't enough. He tried his best to get back up, but his body wouldn't let him. He pushed himself too hard. As he began to drift off into unconsciousness, he saw a shadow gloom over him. "Who... Who's that?..."

"Huh?... Huh!? Rarity!!" Spike sprang up, only to recoil in pain.

"Please, don't push yourself. You already did a lot of damage to your muscles by carrying those rolls of fabric."

"Who said that? Where am I?" Spike asked, puzzled.

"I said that. And you're in the Ponyville Hospital." Spike turned to see a familiar face. He'd seen her before, during the baked bads incident.

"Nurse Redheart?" He was still puzzled. "How'd I get here?"

"Your friend brought you here. She said something about finding you on the ground and becoming alarmed when you weren't making a sound, or something like that. Anyway, the important thing is that she brought you here before your injuries got worse. Why were you doing that?" Nurse Redheart asked.

"Doing what?" Spike responded, still in a slight daze.

"Carrying those three heavy rolls of fabric? You strained your muscles because of that. Thankfully, the injuries weren't severe. You're lucky that your friend found you when she did. Let me finish writing my report and you'll be able to leave. Just don't push yourself too hard, okay?" She asked.

Spike sighed with relief, "Thank goodness. For a moment there, I thought I wouldn't be able to leave the hospital for a week."

"Well you will if you try to carry anything heavy for about a week. Relax for the week. Don't do any backbreaking work, okay?" Nurse Redheart asked with concern.

"Got it!" Spike said. Nurse Redheart continued to write for a while, until she told Spike he could leave. Spike got off of the bed he was lying in and headed out the door. In the main lobby, there was a pony waiting for him. Well, a zebra, actually.

"Zecora?" Spike asked.

"Ah, it looks like you are not harmed. When I found you, I was quite alarmed." The rhyming zebra said.

"Thanks for taking me here. Spike suddenly felt nervous. "Hey, do you know where those rolls of fabric I had with me are? They're really important."

"Do you mean these rolls of red, green, and black? You might not want to carry them, since you've already hurt your back." Zecora told Spike.

"Nah, it's okay. Ouch." Spike recoiled as a slight jolt of pain surged through his back. "Maybe not… Could you help me? I really need to get these back to Rarity."

"I would be happy to assist, and on the way, you can tell me what I've missed." Zecora said.

"You mean, tell you why I was carrying these?" Spike asked.

"Yes. Certainly, they were not for you, as using fabrics is not what you do." Zecora gave Spike a questioning look.

"Yeah... Okay. I guess I can tell you..." As they walked towards the Carousel Boutique, Spike told Zecora why he went to get the rolls, and what happened while he was getting them. Zecora listened, and began to think.

"Based on what I've heard, it seems to me, that you would do anything for this pony." Zecora said.

"Yeah... spending time with Rarity is worth doing some dumb tasks." Spike began to think about Rarity.

"But it also appears that she doesn't see, the love you have for your Rarity."

"...Yeah." Spike stopped and stared at the ground.

Zecora put a hoof on his shoulder. Spike looked up at her. "I believe you should take your friend's advice, and wait until her affection can become suffice. Wait for the right time to tell her how you feel, and the love you dream of can become real." She told him.

Spike sighed, "I was kind of hoping you had something for me that could help Rarity fall in love with me, but I guess not, huh?"

"Spike, love cannot be rushed. That can only lead to feelings being crushed." Zecora told him.

Spike sighed, "Yeah… okay." They arrived at Carousel Boutique, stopping at the front of the door. "Thanks for helping me. I hope you're not hurt." Spike said.

"Not at all. Now watch your step, and don't fall." Zecora smiled at Spike as she set the rolls down. She waved goodbye and began to walk down the road.

"Okay, good job Spike." The little dragon told himself. "You got the rolls here safely. Now, to complete the job..." Spike opened the door to the Boutique and brought the rolls inside. "Rarity?" He called out.

"Spike, is that you?" Rarity asked.

"Yeah! I got the rolls of fabric for you!" Spike said, leaving out the details of his blackout.

Rarity let out a sigh of relief. "Oh thank goodness. Now I can completely finish those outfits. I knew I could count on you!"

Spike looked around. "Um... Where are you?"

"Oh, I'm upstairs. I decided to relax for a bit in my room. Could you please just set the fabrics down near the mannequins? Thanks Spike." Rarity told him.

"Sure thing!" Spike dragged the rolls to some mannequins near him. "Need me to do anything else?" Spike asked.

"Oh no, you've done enough today. Again, thank you Spike. You've helped me so much today." Rarity said.

"No problem!" Spike said. "Anything for you, my sweet..." He said under his breath. Spike walked back to the door, taking another look around. He sighed, "If only you felt the same..." Spike closed the door.

"SPIKE!"

"Gah!!" He fell over. "What the... Pinkie?" Spike asked, clenching one of his ears.

"Yup! Spike, I figured out a way to help you smile!" She exclaimed, bubbling with excitement.

"Really? How?" He asked, suddenly filled with hope.

"Okay, so you know how I said you need to wait for her to notice your love for her?" She asked.

"Yeah? What about it?" Spike said.

"Well, I think I found a way to make it easier for her to notice!" She handed him a slip of paper.

Spike skimmed through it. "Need help with mares?... New class opening... For stallions who need help with mares? What's this all about?"

"My friend is making this class for stallions in need of improving their 'skills', as he said, with getting mares. He asked me to recruit stallions that look like they could use the help." Pinkie said.

"Doesn't that seem kinda' shallow?" Spike asked.

"If you think about it, not really. He just wants to offer his help for stallions who need it. Anyway, that's where I went after I talked with you, and when I remembered how sad you were because of your feelings for Rarity, I thought you could take the class, learn a few things, and use it with Rarity." Pinkie smiled.

"What kind of things?" Spike asked.

"You know, like talking to her, being able to compliment her well, and he says the 'final exam' is to get a date with a mare of your choice! And I think I know who you'd pick." Pinkie pointed a hoof at Spike.

"I thought you said I had to wait for the right time to do that..." Spike looked at her, confused.

"Even if you don't take the final exam, you could still learn things that you can do to help build up her feelings for you! So even if you don't ask Rarity out, you still get something out of it." Pinkie said.

"Wow… That actually sounds like a good idea. Thanks Pinkie, I'll join the class." Spike said, feelings of confidence forming in him.

"Great! The first class in is four days. Don't be late!" Pinkie said as she hopped away.

"Okay!" Spike said. "Four days... I'll learn how to win Rarity's heart!" Spike quickly clenched his mouth, completely forgetting that he was still in front of the Carousel Boutique. Hoping Rarity or Sweetie Belle didn't hear, Spike said less loudly, "I'll learn how to win her heart."

~~~~~~~~~~

"So that's why I'm here." Spike said.

"That's it? Well it sounds to me like you didn't go through as much embarrassment as I did!" Blueblood said. I could hear the annoyance in his voice.

I shot a look at him. "Blueblood, what did we discuss earlier?"

"Oh... Right. Sorry, Spike..." Blueblood said, looking away. At least I stopped things from getting worse.

"Thanks..." Spike said. Now I could hear the annoyance in his voice.

"It's good to see that you're very dedicated. It seems that you would go through Tartarus and back for Rarity."

"Yeah, whatever that is. I'd do anything for her." Spike said, with a type of fire in his eyes. This kid was determined to woo Rarity.

"I hope that my lessons can help you to make Rarity yours. Someone like you deserves to have a special somepony." I told Spike.

"Thanks, I hope so too." Spike replied.

"Okay, so that's two down, one to go." I glanced at my last student. "Doctor? Please tell us why you're here."

"Right..." He swiped sweat off his forehead. "Why I'm here..."