dolan goes to equastreaugh

by loldongs

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Other, Nightmare Moon, Princess Luna, Comedy
Length: 1634

Poni, pls.

dolan goes on th gratst addventr n equastreaugh

Published 2012-09-16 10:24:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-16 10:24:02 UTC

Chapter 1

dolan goes to equastreaugh

Bi Lawldawngz

Dolan, Gooby, and Bogs were hanging out in their horribly drawn world of Dolan.

“ge it shur is boring aournd her” Dolan sighed lustfully.

“mh boi, this pecae is wht all true pnies strive for” Gooby said in response. “wait a sec ar u tryin to refrenc cdi again”

“gooby pls”

And Gooby hung himself. Bogs ran away in fright, because he’s a fucking pussy. “BY CELESTIA’S MANE!!! You can’t say that!!!1!” FiMFiction user #1337 shrieked at the top of their lungs.

“user pls”

And the user hung himself. However, he did not die, as his neckbeard protected him so he did not actually lose any circulation whatsoever.

“Hello there, my little creations,” a familiar, deep voice said as he popped into existence, revealing the draconequus none other than Discord.

“hwo da fak r u,” Dolan said, looking at the weird snake-dragon thing.

“I’m the one who created your sorry asses, Discord,” the draconequus said.

“discrd pls,” Dolan said.

Discord smacked himself. “Sweet Celestia, why did I even create you?”

“y”

“I have no idea...” Discord sighed. “Alright, cause some chaos, you little horribly drawn bastard.” He then teleported Dolan to Equestria. Suddenly, Discord realized he had trapped himself in the world of Dolan. “Oh shit...” He looked around and saw that everything looked horrible. “Why did I make this?!” And Discord hung himself.

Dolan woke up in the colorfully drawn world of Equestria. “weher the fak am i” he said, looking around. “and y the fak is evryting drwn good” He looked around, seeing that there were a wide range of colors instead of bland black-and-white. He then decided to explore this new land. He waddled very horridly into a small village nearby and looked around. He saw many ponies, from earth pony to pegasus to unicorn and the occasional black-and-red alicorn. Suddenly, a pink earth pony walked up to him.

“Hello, who are you?” she asked. She then gasped and floated into the air. “You’re new!” She then ran off into the distance.

“wat” Dolan said. He then saw a tree and walked inside it because it had a door.

“Hello?” a female voice called out inside the tree. “Who’s there?” A lavender unicorn walked down some stairs. She said to Dolan, “Who are you? I’ve never seen anything like you before.”

“weher am i” he asked.

“You’re in Equestria,” she replied.

“hwo r u” he asked her again.

“I’m Twilight Sparkle.”

“wat r u”

“I’m in the Equine species,” she said, slightly annoyed by the questions.

“wat”

“A pony,” she replied in monotone.

“ponus pls,” he said.

“What?”

“fak u”

“Please don’t use that language around here.”

“fak u ponus” he then waddled back out the door.

“What just happened?” She went silent for a moment. “I should contact Princess Celestia. It appears to be some kind of duck that speaks broken Equestrian...”

Dolan then walked around the small town, which you obviously know the name of unless you’re an idiot. He walked towards a small farm on the outskirts of the town. He saw an orange pony by the nearby house and walked to her. “Howdy there,” the pony said. “Who are you? Are you lost?”

“fak u” he said.

“What?” she said, confused. “Look, mister, those kind of words aren’t aloud around here. Got it?”

“ponus pls” Dolan said. He then waddled away.

“Um...” the pony said.

Dolan then walked to a boutique and went inside; he saw a unicorn with a purple mane. “Hm?” she said. “A duck? Why, what are you doing in my boutique? You should be with Fluttershy.”

“flutrshi pls,” he said.

“Hm? My name isn’t Fluttershy, my friend is Fluttershy. I’m Rarity.”

“rriti pls.”

“Wait, what?” Rarity said. Dolan then shat all over Rarity’s mane, shit covering her whole, previously purple mane.

“My mane!” she screeched. “You monster!” She then ran out the door.

“ponus pls.” He then walked out the door. He went to a cottage by a forest and went to a yellow pegasus with a pink mane.

“Hello,” she said in a tiny voice. “Did you get lost from the other ducks?” She looked closely at him. “Wait, you don’t look like any other kind of duck. What species are you?”

“ponus pls”

“Oh, and you talk. But... Wait, what do you mean?”

“fak u rrti”

“B-But... Oh... Um... I-I’m not Rari- um... Please, don’t use that language around here... If-if that’s alright with you...”

“fak u ponus”

He then made Fluttershy cry. A bunny politely told Dolan to GTFO.

“angle pls” Dolan said.

Fluttershy looked up from within her hooves. How... how did this... thing... know her little bunny’s name?

She continued crying as her world fell apart around her quite literally - because at that moment, a light blue pegasus entered from the clouds.

“Hey!” the blue pegasus yelled. “Nopony around here makes Fluttershy sad! That’s my job!”

“ponus pls” Dolan said.

“Wait, what?” the blue pegasus said, tilting her head.

“ronbo dsh pls”

“Wait, how do you know my name?”

“fak u ponus” He then waddled away. (Waddle waddle.)

“What?” Rainbow Dash said, confused. She then went to comfort Fluttershy. (Nothing sexual happened. I promise. Well, this is a Dolan story, so I guess I’m lying a bit...)

Then he met Pinkie Pie. Dolan then said “fak u” and walked away after being offered a party. “That little bitch...” Pinkie Pie said.

Nobody liked Pinkie Pie anyway, so she killed herself because she had the shortest paragraph, and the reason she had the shortest paragraph was because nobody liked her. Not even a duck.

Dolan then killed Derpy (“y r u doin this” Derpy said as she was about to die. “drpy pls” Dolan said, finishing her) and walked around Ponyville in her skin. Eventually, Bogs, who somehow got to Equestria, figured out it wasn’t Derpy. “acculy is dolan” Dolan said, jumping out of the skin.

“dolan y u do this” Bogs asked, tears coming out of his eyes.

“bogs pls” Dolan said. Then Bogs hung himself.

“There he is!” the voice of Twilight Sparkle rang out. Dolan turned around to see the six ponies he met running towards him. “Catch him!”

“ponus pls” Dolan said, just standing there. He was then caught by a net and thrown into a fishing box.

“We’re bringing you to Canterlot,” Twilight said.

“shite”

A few minutes later, they ended up in Canterlot and went straight to Princess Celestia; the hall had a few guards, and next to Celestia was Princess Luna. “Princess,” Twilight said. “We have discovered a new species of duck. I appears to speak broken Equestrian, though it seems to make no sense and is very disrespectful.”

“Well,” Luna said. “That reminds me of something, but it can’t be-” Twilight opened the box and revealed Dolan. “AAAHHHHH AH AH AH AH AH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Luna then jumped out the window. However, Luna - being too preoccupied with all of her useless items she has experimented with, including an Oreo and a toaster - forgot that she had wings, fell to the ground, and died a clumsy, painful death.

“YES, NOW I CAN BE THE BEST PRINCESS!!” Princess Celestia exclaimed. “I mean...” (“Nope,” Princess Cadance said from the other room, her neck extending to insane lengths) “What a tragic death. Anyway...” She closely examined the duck. “HOLY SHIT, THIS IS DOLAN!! NO WONDER LUNA KILLED HERSELF!! EVERYPONY RUN!!” She jumped out the wall and fell to her death, right next to Luna.

Dolan suddenly ran out of the castle, escaping from the ponies.

“Boy, that escalated quickly,” Pinkie said. “And so did something else!”

“wat”

“Wait,” Twilight said. “‘Dolan’... I think I’ve heard of it before. It’s not from a book, though... It’s from the most evil thing in existence...”

“What is it from, sugarcube?” Applejack asked.

“...The internet... It’s a meme,” Twilight said, staring off into the distance. Everypony else except Pinkie just looked at her, confused, while Pinkie seemed like she was going to pass out.

“Not the internet!” Pinkie yelled. “One meme does not simply die!”

“Um...” Fluttershy said quietly. “I don’t understand...”

“Wait,” Pinkie said. “We’re memes, too! We can’t die, also! Plus, we’re from a television show, so we can die times two! Take that, YOLO!” Everypony just stared at her, since she made absolutely no sense.

“...Um, okay!” Twilight exclaimed. “Since we can't die, and Dolan can’t die, how can we defeat him?”

“How about we take Dolan,” Pinkie said. “And push him back to the land of Dolan!”

“...You know,” Twilight said. “That might actually work. I can maybe use a spell to send him back to his world.”

“Or we could use the Elements of Harmony instead,” Pinkie said.

“...That might work, also.”

“Then let’s get our necklaces and tiara thingy and go find that sick and twisted, poorly-drawn duck!”

*one getting of the Elements of Harmony and search for Dolan later*

“I found him!” Pinkie exclaimed, getting her friends to come nearby.

They found Dolan inside the broken castle where they found Nightmare Moon. “Let’s go!” Twilight yelled and broke down the already-broken door that led into the castle. “We have found you! And now we-” She interrupted herself when she was awestruck, looking at what was previously Dolan.

The duck wore (poorly-drawn) purple armor, and had darkness circling around him. “i am nitmar dolan. fer me” he said.

“We shall defeat you!” Twilight yelled, and made Dolan taste the rainbow, motherfucker.

He was then sent back to Dolan world.

“We defeated him!” Twilight yelled, happily. “Great job everypon-” She then got a scared look on her face.

“twalot pls” a poorly-drawn Pinkie Pie said.

“NOOOOOOO!!” Twilight yelled. “PINKIE!!”

Teh Edn??????

A/N: tahnkz 4 reding it rly menes a lot to me <3<3<3<3<3