Version: 2

Derpy Hooves finished off her coffee and washed down a last bite of muffin. That was it for breakfast. It was time for this gray pegasus to go to work.

The naked mare put down her mug with an unusually large clunk on top of the warehouse roof where the rest of her dishes were. Her... employees? Partners? Friends? They had yet to agree how to describe their relationship, but Derpy personally preferred the term "friends". Anyway, the mare could trust that one of her "friends" would clean them for her while she completed her route. Just the thought of the day ahead made the pegasus yawn. Oh how she missed her old job. Delivering mail was so much more interesting than delivering... ads.

Derpy's hooves left deep depressions in the soil as she stepped away from the warehouse and towards the dry dock nearby. Though this dry dock was not sunk into the ground or connected to a water source. The gray pegasus stepped between two almost free standing walls that were just taller than herself. The walls were lined with doors and walkways that were all much smaller than herself.

She sighed. "Derpy Hooves is in position," she reported dutifully.

Almost immediately two ponies emerged from one of the doors and stepped out onto the walkway just in front of Derpy and to her left. Looking down on her "friends" was a painful reminder of her condition after the accident. How she was stuck being large enough to hold as many as six ponies in one hoof. It made living her normal life impossible. Even paying for her meals was very difficult. But with some help from one of her "friends", a true entrepreneur earth pony named Quick Bit, they had found a way to make a living. Advertising.

"Good morning Derpy!" the unicorn on the walkway greeted her cheerfully. "How are you this morning?"

Derpy smiled down at the smaller mare, her eyes both managing to focus on her. "I'm good. What about you?"

The unicorn, Neon, grinned back. "I'm having a pretty good morning myself. Ready to get suited up?"

Derpy looked away and gave a bored shrug. She wasn't as excited as Neon. "Yeah, I'm ready." Oh how she missed her old uniform. The new one wasn't as comfortable.

Neon's horn glowed with multiple rapidly shifting colors as she opened a door in the wall that was short but very long. A seemingly endless sea of cloth emerged. A pure white body suit that was meant to tightly hug every curve on Derpy's now very large body. With the unicorn's magic and the pegasus's obedient movements, she was quickly suited up. She looked ridiculous and it was only going to get worse. From a much bigger door down near the ground emerged a pair of pony sneakers, also pure white except for their thick black treads. The shoes were meant to minimize damage to roads and grass as she walked.

Only Derpy's head and neck were free of the ugly white cloth. Though she had to respect this uniform because there was a good reason for the fashion disaster.

The earth pony, Quick Bit, had been staring at a clipboard the whole time. He was completely lost admiring his design. Only when Neon was done tying Derpy's mane and tale back did she loudly cough to get his attention. The stallion was startled for a moment. Then took in the fact the huge pegasus was now ready for him. He cleared his throat and stepped forward.

"Today's going to be a big day Derpy. We got us a great new sponsor this week whose looking forward to your services." His grin was filled with... greed. He wasn't a bad pony, but he was terrible at reading the room. Sometimes it seemed like he didn't care that Derpy didn't like being a walking billboard.

However, his words got Derpy to raise a brow, even as her lazy eye gazed off somewhere else. "Who did we pick up this time?"

"Princess Celestia's Royal Solar Guard!" Quick announced.

Neon and Derpy gasped. A military ad?! The earth pony continued to grin.

Quick pointed to another bay door on the opposite side of Derpy for Neon to open and retrieve the ads. They were all huge stickers designed to adhere to the pale cloth that now covered Derpy. It wouldn't be as white in a moment. Neon looked back and forth between the huge mare's body and Quick's outline to make sure she put each ad where it should be. The largest stickers, the military ads, were carefully stuck to both sides of Derpy's barrel. The prime real-estate that only the highest paying customers got. The other ads were then distributed based on payment across her shoulders, legs, and chest.

There was an ad for roofing on her front just below her neck.

There was an ad for shoes that was creatively placed right above each of her boots facing outward.

The toothpaste ad went on Derpy's right shoulder.

The pet hairbrush ad went on Derpy's left shoulder.

The exotic mare lingerie ad was discretely placed beside the huge mare's tail.

Finally, the uniform was complete. Derpy was thoroughly decorated in advertisements ready to parade by the roads and around the three closest cities. Derpy was a walking, living billboard. Quick Bit grinned with excitement. Neon tried to look happy, but couldn't help noticing Derpy's uncomfortable glances at the many stickers. Sure, this made a lot more money than using Derpy to pull huge amounts of cargo, but it wasn't her dream. Neon glanced at Quick and considered telling him, but she didn't yet have the heart to ruin this business venture, his big money making scheme.

Neon sighed, put on a big forced smile, and began encouraging Derpy for her day.

Author's Note

Based on an image of a giant Derpy (I think) who took up a job as a living billboard. However, as soon as I started writing this short I began thinking, "would Derpy WANT to be a living billboard?" She's supposed to be a mailmare and love her job, right? I didn't want to say she was just a miserable wreck because I myself don't regularly enjoy stories whose only purpose is to take beloved characters and torture them, but I couldn't honestly see Derpy as "happy". So I aimed for a more somber tone. Like she is unhappy, but not necessarily miserable. Then I threw in some other original characters to be ambiguously her "friends".

Overall, I don't entirely like how this one came out. I seriously considered going back and just making Derpy her classic bubbly self, "realism" be damned. But... I don't know. I myself have been in a dark mood lately and... I don't really want to change this.

Also, the trio in this story could loosely be called a reference to the original trio I was going to have for Macro Mare Modeling Agency. In my first plans for that story I was going to have three ponies, one from each of the main types: an earth pony, a pegasus, and a unicorn. Though I never did come up with names for that original trio before scrapping them.