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The hardest part about living in Equestria was the sheer innocence of ponies. The naive way they went about life. They were so... dumb.

Their "Friendship Problems"? Every time they came up Anon wanted to role his eyes so hard he'd pull a muscle. The solutions couldn't have been more blunt if a brick had fallen from the sky. No doubt after Pinkie Pie's tail started twitching.

But the human was dedicated to a simple personal mission: to interfere as little as possible.

Did it matter? It was impossible to know. But Anon felt like he shouldn't ruin their cute pony lives with his dark humor and critical perspective of events. He was a being from a world where life wasn't fair and morality wasn't so black and white. In a way he agreed with Celestia's initial assessment of him. "He had the potential to change the world," though what she meant by those words was probably very different from how he quickly came to understand them. He chose to stand back and serve as a mere observer, only contributing when one of his friends directly came to him for advice. He sort of became the sagely mentor character whose wisdom no one understood until it didn't matter anymore.

There was a certain loneliness to Anon's life. He couldn't express his true thoughts or share with anyone how he saw this strange colorful utopia. He was sure that doing so would only hurt the friends he'd made.

Then Eris came into his life.

The details were unimportant. Something about "reforming her" or some nonsense. Anon was sure this was the dumbest plan ever concocted. Another example of the ponies being too naive for their own good. The first time he'd met Eris had been thankfully brief because she was busy tearing reality apart. What could have possibly convinced Celestia to even try "reforming" her? Then he and the Goddess of Chaos hit it off. Maybe this is what Celestia had meant when she first met Anon. She had realized his unpredictable nature was much like Eris's chaotic personality and therefor the man had an in to connect with and tame her wild urges. The plan worked if that's what it had always been. Though Celestia probably wouldn't like how the two of them clicked.

Eris understood that everyone in this world was an idiot except for her.

She could see the overwhelming simplicity of everything. How every problem could be solved with barely any effort. How stupid all this world's "villains" were. How childish the populace was. Eris was both frustrated and amused by it. So she toyed with it. She poked at the edges of the world's innocence. Eris purposefully antagonized the black and white nature of things. It was how she coped with the loneliness she felt.

Then Anon made one of his subtle jokes about Applejack and Rainbow Dash being a couple and Eris couldn't stop laughing. It was that moment that launched their friendship and the Goddess of Chaos "reformed".

Slowly the two probed the other's ability to see the "truth" about the world and those around them. And they both quickly realized just how in-sync they were. So it became a regular thing for Eris and Anon to crack increasingly inappropriate jokes when the naive ponies weren't around and to discuss how the various "friendship problems" could have been solved so much faster and easier. It was their game and they loved it. However their bond started to stir feelings, and a question, in Anon. Did he love Eris?

Not wanting to beat around the bush, he confessed.

Instant friend-zone.

However, Eris did really like him and felt bad turning him down. So she began asking a different set of inappropriate questions. She wasn't interested in being his lover, but she was determined to make it up to him by unleashing a little chaos tuned to his desires. In other words, she wanted to know his fetishes so she could prank the unsuspecting ponies with them.

Anon had never told anyone he was a macrophile. He liked women who were much larger than himself. Eris didn't criticize or mock. She quirked a curious brow, but otherwise nodded along. Then she grinned. Then she cracked her knuckles and got to work.

Poor Ponyville never knew what hit it as random size-related shenanigans began to plague the clueless citizens. Anon felt a little guilty for the confusion and terror some of their hi-jinks caused, but this was Ponyville. They were supposed to be used to weirdness.

Eris made a great genie and she granted as many wishes as he wanted. The only thing she asked for in return was his company. Not to mention she also came to enjoy the random panicking when a pony was suddenly turned into a giant as they entered the market. Though Anon soon discovered an unfortunate side-effect of regularly seeing his fetish was a constant boner.

Eris had become a relentless teaser...

Author's Note

Originally this was going to be a quick of Anon asking Eris to be his girlfriend and her turning him down gently while offering him a fetish inspired wish. He'd ask for a random pony to be giant and the story would briefly follow that madness.

Then I realized that was just too much for a flash fic and I really didn't want to write a whole story, one-shot or not, about this right now. So instead I took more of an exposition dump / world building thing that sets up a running narrative the reader can simply imagine. I think it's a great starting point for many wacky flash fics. The only problem is how condescending I think I made Eris and Anon come across. They almost seem like assholes, but I couldn't think of another quick way to explore the perspective of two "mature" characters trapped in the world of a little girl's cartoon show.