I stared down at the pale green tea in my cup. A gentle swirl sent the bits of tea leaves in a circular dance at the bottom. One could almost imagine them at some grand ball… laughing and twirling to unheard music.
I gazed at my friend sitting across the table. She studied a newspaper held in her magic and idly traced the rim of her teacup. She glanced up at me, smiled, and returned to her paper. Her brow furrowed for a moment. She folded the paper, set it on the table, crossed her hooves in front of her, and watched me.
"What?"
"Go on. Trixie is listening."
"I don't know what you mean."
She sighed with a soft smile. "The Great and Powerful Trixie's performances are dependent on her ability to read the audience. Do they enjoy the illusions, laugh at the jokes, engage with the patter? Right now, your body language is screaming that you have something to say. Trixie will wait patiently until you are ready."
Suddenly, the dance at the bottom of my teacup was fascinating. As I stared at it, I mumbled, "Trixie, I'm afraid."
"Hmm..." She took a dainty sip of tea. “You led a small team, without magic, into the depths of the changeling hive to defeat the queen. What could such a mare possibly be afraid of?"
I sagged in my chair. "Friendship. Ever since my village–”
“Stop,” she spat out. “Trixie is so tired of that. If you whine about your village one more time Trixie shall cast a mute spell on you until you apologize.”
“I can’t apologize if I’m mute.”
“See? Trixie’s plan is foolproof.” I opened my mouth to object, but her horn lit up. “Ready to cast…” I closed my mouth with an audible pop.
“Trixie is curious about one thing though. What did you see the last time you visited that village?”
“Well, the ponies there were–”
“Ponies?” she interrupted. “The ponies you hegemonized for your perfect society did not flee the moment you were gone?
I arched an eyebrow. “Hegemonized?”
She shrugged. “Trixie is well-read and knows a plethora of pretentious locutions.” After a saccharine smile, she continued. “While your methods were wrong, perhaps your vision was not. You accidentally created a community where all are equal and able to embrace the talents that make them unique. That’s a good thing.”
“Well, what about when I almost destroyed Equestria?” I spread my hooves out. “I mean mistakes don’t get much bigger than that.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, time travel, the end of Equestria, blah, blah, blah. Can we have some new material to obsess over? Please?” I was livid at her for being… right.
I sighed as I leaned back in the chair. “I try to make friends. I really do. But it’s so hard. And if I do make a connection, I’m afraid I’ll just mess it up.”
“Aren’t you friends with Twilight’s entourage?”
“They're only my friends because Twilight forced them. None of them would have reached out to me otherwise. And even that I messed up. Twilight assigned me to spend time with her friends… my friends. I fell into my old ways of trying to control the situation. That was a disaster." I rubbed my forehead as I felt the first signs of a migraine. “Sometimes I don’t know if I’ve really changed.”
“Of course you’ve changed. You even have a different mane-cut. If that doesn’t prove you’ve reformed, I don’t know what would.” I couldn’t suppress a small snicker.
“That said, Trixie knows these ponies. With the possible exception of that unicorn fashionista, none of them could put on a convincing performance of friendship. Trixie does not believe they are the problem here."
“Well, what about us? That time I suppressed my anger towards you. When the bottle broke, half the town turned against you.”
She nodded. “True, true. But as Trixie recalls, once you opened up to your friend about what was bothering you, the anger vanished. You learned a valuable friendship lesson that day.” She shifted in her chair resting her elbows on the table. “Trixie has considered this carefully and reached an inescapable conclusion. You're an idiot.”
“You… what?” I sat up straight from the slap of her words.
“Instead of obsessing about your failures, let’s consider your successes.”
I shook my head. “I’m not sure I have any.”
“All your mistakes are rooted in a hurt you experienced as a foal. The perceived loss of your friend Sunburst. Yet, when you looked, you found the friendship was still there. Who knows? Perhaps one day, more than friends..."
I nervously cleared my throat as I felt a hot flush in my cheeks. “Still, that’s no excuse–” I saw her horn light up. “Nevermind.”
"And are you forgetting the Pony of Shadows? Out of Twilight, her friends, and the Pillars of Old Equestria, you were the only one to see the truth and reach out a hoof of friendship to Stygian, freeing him from that curse. If that's not a win for you, Trixie doesn't know what would be. He is a friend, correct?"
“Yeah… I guess.”
“And we know Maud Pie is your friend. Trixie has seen you two flying kites together. Not all friendships must involve epic adventures to save a bunch of lame alicorns. Some can just be spent flying kites and talking about interesting rocks. Although, Trixie is hard pressed to understand what is interesting about rocks.”
“Okay, I see where you’re going. And I guess I have made some friends since…” I glanced up at her horn. “Since then.”
“Exactly!” She exclaimed with a laugh. "Believe Trixie when she says that she knows how hard friendship can be. The path is full of pitfalls and traps. Sometimes the path disappears entirely and you must rely solely on your instincts to find your way." She rested her hoof on mine. "But it's worth it."
She levitated the teapot. “More tea?”
