Seeking

by Fillyfoolish

Rating: teen
Tags: Drama, Equestria Girls, Profanity, Sex, Sunset Shimmer, Main 7 (EqG)
Length: 16603

Sunset Shimmer knows Equestrian religion is false. She has her doubts about human religions, too. As always, she turns to her friends for help. Unfortunately for Sunset, her six friends have six rather different ideas about what lies above.

Sunset Shimmer knows Equestrian religion is false. She has her doubts about human religions, too. As always, she turns to her friends for help.

Unfortunately for Sunset, her six friends have six rather different ideas about what lies above.

Fic updates daily until completion.

Please keep the comments civil and on topic.

Published 2022-04-29 22:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-05-05 23:53:17 UTC

Friday

“Shabbat Shalom, Twilight!”

A man with a small black cloth balanced on his head waves. Next to me, Twilight Sparkle fiddles with a pair of bobby pins, attempting to attach a rainbow cap to her head. She pauses to wave at the man and reply in kind, “Shabbat Shalom, Mr. Brown.”

“Please, Winter’s fine. ‘Mr. Brown’ just makes me feel old.” He chuckles at his own joke, while Twilight’s lips curl politely. As he speaks, it dawns on me that his deep, scratchy voice reflects years of vocal damage. Cigarettes, most likely. “I see you’ve brought a friend.”

Satisfied that the cap will stay on, Twilight gestures between the man and me with her newly free hand. “Sunset, this is Winter Brown, a congregant at Beth Chaim. Winter, this is Sunset Shimmer, my girlfriend.” I grow pink at the introduction. A little knot twists in my stomach. Twilight and I still share the daily butterflies of young love, but I’ve heard human religions don’t look kindly upon same-gender relationships, let alone interfaith ones. Simply entering the synagogue beside Twilight tempts fate. To hear her introduce us so casually to an elderly religious gentleman?

Let’s just say I’m grateful my motorcycle is parked outside for a quick getaway for two.

Winter Brown turns to me. “Shabbat Shalom, Sunset. Twilight’s told me a lot about you.” Judging by Twilight’s sudden blush, those conversations were not intended for my ears.

Ignoring my better judgement, I mirror his smile. “Good evening, Winter.”

Winter nudges Twilight. He whispers all too loudly, “Twilight, you never told me she was a goy.”

“Mr. Brown!” Twilight chides. I don’t need to speak Yiddish to spot gossip, the unflattering sort judging by Twilight’s reaction. I glance at the door, clench my jaw, and suck in a breath.

“Pah.” Winter swats his hand. Twilight’s glare doesn’t budge. Winter smiles at me. “Welcome to Beth Chaim. Any friend of Twilight’s is a friend of mine.”

Although Twilight relaxes, my eyebrows raise through the ceiling. “We’re not just friends. That train left the station months ago.”

“Sunset!” Twilight’s gaze pierces mine, and the expansions and contractions of her chest grow more pronounced to my immediate regret.

Oblivious, Winter laughs. “Oh, I know that.” He winks at me. “I already have a suit picked out for the wedding.” I open my mouth, but before I can object, he adds, “Don’t say you’re too young. You’re both well over Bat Mitzvah age. You girls just need to pick out rings and a date.”

Let’s blame the flames in my cheeks for my inability to think of a retort. Twilight surely has that excuse: she is now preoccupied running her fingers across the spines of books on a nearby cart. Twilight selects two books but keeps her back turned away from the conversation.

Winter’s teasing grin softens to a genuine smile. “All I’m saying, if you were looking for a nice Jewish girl, you made a great choice.”

I steal a glance at Twilight’s back, tack on a confident grin, and drop the blush. “I wasn’t looking, but I certainly found one. Isn’t that right, Twi?”

Twilight squeaks, turning towards the conversation and shoving an upside-down book at my chest. Or maybe a backwards book? She looks like she might burn up if Winter and I keep chatting. “How about we find our seats?” She flashes an all-too-wide grin at Winter. “Good to catch up with you! I… I need to show Sunset the siddur before the service starts. Okay! Thank you!” She throws her head towards the room’s interior.

I wave to Winter. “It was great meeting you.” He returns the gesture with an amused smile, but before I can comment, Twilight tugs the side of my shirt, taking me with her to some empty seats in front of a raised platform. Once we approach the farthest seats in the row, she sits down and exhales.

I sit beside her. “I’m sorry for embarrassing you.” I click my tongue, and she seems to forgive me, until I continue, “Okay, I’m not that sorry. Please understand how hard it is to resist. You’re so cute when you’re flustered.” True to my word, she turns adorable. “Wait, should I not be flirting with you in a synagogue? Is that bad?”

She giggles. “I mean, it’s not great. Probably a little sacrilegious, but nobody’s going to call you on it.”

I bite my lip. “Sacrilegious because we’re both girls?”

“No.” She kisses me on the cheek. “Because we’re in a place of worship.”

I throw up my hands in defeat. “Fair enough.”

She holds my hand. “I know you’re worried about being seen with me here, but I promise, nobody minds. And if they do, they’ll have Winter to deal with. You do not want to cross that man.”

“No?” I squeeze her hand.

“He served in the army.” Twilight shivers. “Super scary stuff.”

I glance over to the octogenarian in question, who is now greeting another congregant. “Uh-huh. Terrifying.”

Another giggle. “You’re teasing me.”

“Always.” I cup my hands over my head, forming a little halo.

She swats my hands away and kisses me on the lips.

I kiss back.

“I…” She extracts herself out of the situation. “I admit that more observant Jews might object to us. But sapphism isn’t outright condemned in the Torah, so I’m happy for our story to be a midrash snuck into a little loophole between two letters in Leviticus.”

“What’s a midrash?”

“Midrashim are rabbinic stories that fill in the gaps of the scripture, or raise questions about it. ‘Midrash’ is Hebrew for ‘study’. Indeed, the reading and writing of midrashim is a component of Jewish religious study.” She blinks and rephrases in a dull nasal, “It’s rabbis writing fanfiction.”

“Gotcha.” I form my hand into an okay sign.

After a moment of silence, Twilight sighs dramatically. “On further thought, I’m sorry, but I don’t think me dating you is kosher.”

I droop. “Why not?”

She leans over to nibble on my hair, and whispers in my ear, “It’s prohibited to eat bacon. It’s treif.”

I bonk her head with mine. “Very funny, Twilight.”

She grins.

“Okay, joking aside…” I glance at her prayer book. “Do you believe in God?”

She nods. “Yes, but not in the way you expect. Are you familiar with deism?”

I shake my head.

“So, imagine you understood every law of physics – even the laws governing Equestrian magic – and they turn out to be deterministic.”

“Sure.”

“That means at every instant, what happens is a pure function of what happened an instant prior. By extension, the world today is determined by the initial state of the universe during the Big Bang. That means there’s no room for miracles, no room for free will, probably no real consciousness.”

I frown. “That seems bleak, and a bit unlikely.”

“Maybe.” She shrugs. “Determinism is admittedly challenged by new findings in quantum mechanics. I’m not an expert, but it seems that some interpretations of quantum mechanics imply there really is randomness in the world.”

“Is that good or bad?”

She shrugs again. “Neither. It just is. At any rate, the key idea – that the universe is a self-driving system – still holds. The universe doesn’t need God to call the shots. After the Big Bang, the laws of physics have reigned supreme. The universe becomes a machine, a computer, integrating equations over time. The evolution of intelligent life is a happy accident.”

“I don’t know if I buy that.” I bring my hand to my chin. “What created the universe? Or the laws it obeys? What caused the Big Bang? Physics says that energy is conserved, so what put in all that energy?”

“Whatever did,” Twilight replies, “you may as well call God. It’s easy for me to believe in. It’s not a useful belief, though. There’s no sense dwelling on it.”

I frown. “What do you mean?”

She pauses. “Acknowledging a Creator doesn’t affect my daily life. It doesn’t change how I live. Creating the universe doesn’t grant a being moral authority over its inhabitants, you know?”

“Uh, no, I don’t know.” I’m not sure what I expected her to answer, but it wasn’t that.

She chuckles. “Earth is the teensiest speck of a massive universe. The solar system is a rounding error compared to all that exists. From what I understand, Equestria is even smaller. Do you think the Creator of everything gives a damn about humans and ponies?” I wince. “Human ethics are questions for humans to work out. My ancestors did their best to provide answers when they wrote the Torah, the holy scripture.” She glances around and lowers her voice. “The first five books of what Christians call the ‘Old Testament’ of the Bible.”

I try to process her answer and find myself gesturing my hands around the synagogue. “Are these traditional Jewish beliefs?”

“Not at all, but that doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t make me less Jewish. Judaism cares more about doing the right thing than believing the right thing.” She adds with a giggle, “And even if I do the wrong thing, a Jew is a Jew. Speaking of, do you know how conversion to Judaism works?”

I shake my head. “If Judaism is about practice, not belief? I guess you have to observe the Jewish laws and then you’re a Jew.”

“If only!” She laughs. “Traditional Judaism is hard. There are over six hundred laws that Jews are supposed to follow. Non-Jews have just seven, and they’re pretty basic. If a person isn’t Jewish, it’s better that they stay that way. That’s why we don’t proselytize Judaism. It’s not like someone converting to Judaism helps us.”

“Huh. What if you want to convert anyway? You know, someone like me, full of hubris and never satisfied with anything less than perfection.”

She beams and leans in against me. “Then you have to ask a rabbi very nicely, and hope they say yes.”

“Will they?”

“According to tradition? Probably not.” She laughs. “But you can come back later and ask again.”

“So you have to ask twice?”

“Eh, they’ll say no the second time too.”

“This system is ridiculous.”

“Hey, it’s not all bad,” she says. “By the fourth time or so you ask, they’ll say yes. Then you have a mikveh, a ritual bath, and you’re a Jew.”

“Wow. Why do you bring all this up?”

“Well, there’s this joke.” She bites her lip then repeats it quietly. “Other religions make it easy to join. Judaism makes it hard to join… but impossible to leave.”

“Got it.” I laugh. “Your family is Jewish, though. You didn’t go through all that, right?”

“No, I can’t say I did.”

“So, I realize you don’t have much choice, but… Do you like being Jewish?”

She scrunches up her face adorably. “That’s a bit of a weird question. Do you like being Equestrian?”

“Hmm, do I like being a literal magical unicorn? Yeah, I think so. What’s your excuse?”

“Eh, tradition?” She waves around her hand. “Look, the Torah is an excellent work of literature, featuring great allegories, compelling characters, and a clear moral. What’s not to like?”

“Fair, fair.” My mind drifts as I process her unorthodox theology. “Okay, this is unrelated, but can I ask a dumb question?”

Twilight bites her creased lip. “It isn’t dumb if you ask it.”

I exhale an airy laugh. “Why are our books upside-down?”

She perks up at the opportunity to infodump. “Oh, the prayers are written in Hebrew, plus a bit of Aramaic. Semitic languages – Hebrew, Aramaic, and Arabic – are written from right-to-left. As such the book is read from right-to-left. That means the orientation of the binding is reversed from English-language books.” She opens her book to a random page and points at the page numbers, which indeed increase from right-to-left.

“You can read Hebrew, then?”

Twilight nods. “Your book has transliterations, so you don’t have to, but yeah. Growing up, Bubbe Sparkle took me to shul every Saturday. That stopped when Bubbe and Zayde moved to Miami. But for a while, every week, I used the time as an educational opportunity to study Hebrew linguistics.”

“Worth it?”

“Probably not.” She giggles. “In high school I did email an Israeli physics professor at Technion in his native language, so that must count for something.”

“Sure.” I mull over the implications of Twilight’s connection to her religion hinging on understanding a foreign language and wonder how deep the multilingualism goes. “What about your name?”

She tilts her head at me. “What about it?”

“Why don’t you have a Hebrew name?”

“Actually, I do.”

I raise an eyebrow. “‘Twilight Sparkle’ sounds pretty Equestrian to me.”

“But does Dimdum bat Or V’ketifa?”

I blink. “No?”

“Ah.” She sticks out her hand expectantly. “Sh’mee Dimdum. Pleased to meet you.”

I laugh. “Enchantée.”

She scoots closer to me in her seat, letting her arm touch mine, a fact I try to ignore even without nosy onlookers to worry about. “Hebrew names are useful for religious purposes. But you’re right, ‘Twilight Sparkle’ isn’t a traditional Jewish name. My parents lived in Canterlot their whole lives; the influence isn’t so strong. But if you look at someone like Winter, it’s a different story.”

It’s my turn to tilt my head. “‘Winter Brown’ is a Jewish name?”

Her face turns downcast. “He was born Braun, not Brown. His mother changed their last name when he was an infant, when they immigrated after the Shoah.”

“The…?”

She looks at her feet, and every trace of warmth disappears. “The Holocaust.”

I choke on my breath. “Oh.”

I will never understand the extent of human cruelty, let alone over something as trivial as religion.

Maybe I should keep that triviality in mind the next time I start stressing.

Whatever else Twilight might have said on the subject is cut off by chanting from the front of the sanctuary.

“Hinei mah-tov uma-na’im…”

Chanting along, Twilight opens her prayer book to a page in the back – rather, in the front, from the right. She places her open book on her lap, opens mine to the same page, and points to a spot on the page for me.

“Shevet achim gam-yachad.”

Her fingers hover over Hebrew letters that bear no resemblance to my native alphabet. To the left of the Hebrew I see gibberish, but at least it’s gibberish in letters I recognize.

Twilight – and the congregation – repeat the sentence.

“Hinei mah-tov uma-na’im, shevet achim gam-yachad.”

I think I catch onto the pattern, but the rhythm changes, slowing down to emphasize each vowel.

“Hi… nei… mah tov…”

…and I try my luck, mumbling out with the crowd,

“Shevet achim gam-yachad. Hi.. nei… mah tov, shevet achim gam-yachad”

I don’t sound like much, barely whispering in case I mess up. Although her gaze remains fixed on the leader at the podium at the front of the room, Twilight’s lips curl up, and she nuzzles up against me.

Underneath the Hebrew is a single line of translation.

How good it is, and how pleasant when we dwell together in unity.

I curl up against Twilight.

Good and pleasant indeed.

Saturday

“Are you ready, darling?”

Rarity waits for me in her driveway, standing beside a small sedan. I nod. “Are you sure you don’t want me to take the motorcycle there?”

“Psh, of course not, you’re my guest. I still attend the church from the neighborhood in which I grew up, so it’ll be a bit of drive for us. Not that I couldn’t find a Catholic church closer to home, but still.”

“It’s special to you, then?”

Rarity nods. “It’s the church my father went to with my grandparents, when he was my age. That building has quite a bit of history with my family.”

“Long drive it is, then.”

“But isn’t it lovely? We have plenty of time together before the service.” She reaches into her pocket to produce a key chain, clicks a button, and the locks on the car doors pop up. She then grabs the handle, swings open the passenger door beside us, and gestures me in. As I crawl in to the cramped space, she walks in front of the vehicle and takes the driver’s seat. “Truly, I find the long drives a bit, ah, repetitive. It will be lovely to have you here for company for a change.”

I smile. “I’m glad to be here. I’ve never been to a church before.”

She gasps as she locks the doors and ignites the engine. “Not even once? Sunset, have you been living under a rock your whole life?”

“No, last time I checked, Equestria isn’t a rock.”

“Equestrian religion, then?” She wrinkles her forehead, rubbing it with a displeased hand. “Please, for the love of God, tell me this isn’t your first time in a place of worship. There is etiquette, you see.” She glances at her rear view mirror and backs out of the driveway.

“Eh heh,” I feign a chuckle, and she throws a bemused glance of pity at me. “My parents were Solarists, which is pretty common in Equestria. But even growing up, I never took part.”

Rarity frowns. “But why not?”

I snort. “For starters, I knew for a fact every fundamental tenet of their religion was false.”

She scoffs. “Sunset! How can you say such a thing about your traditions?”

“What, do you believe that your childhood teacher and stand-in mother is actually the goddess who created the universe? Oh, and that she trapped the angel of death in the moon with the souls of the deceased?”

Without missing a beat, Rarity grins playfully. “Of course. And you don’t?”

I tap my chin. “Hmm, no, I’m afraid I don’t. Princess Celestia is just a pony. I hear Princess Luna is pretty nice these days, too, not that I ever– Watch it!” Rarity swerves the car, narrowly avoiding debris on the road. I mumble under my breath, “Maybe the ponies are right, and I’ll meet Luna today after all.” A bit louder I say, still more to myself than Rarity, “Sorry. That was rude.”

Rarity drives, quiet for a moment. My lips are more than content to dispel the uncomfortable silence filling the vehicle. “I admit, I’ve never met a Catholic who’s also a Solarist.” I raised my eyebrows cheekily. “Are you sure they’re theologically compatible?”

“Er, theologically?” She tilts her head, eyes transfixed on the road, humour giving way to accident avoidance. “That mythology is, of course, incompatible with my traditions. And the human experience, I suppose.” A quick sigh. “I am quite sorry for raising my voice. I was just surprised with how quickly you spoke ill of something you grew up with, that’s all.” Before I could respond, she tripped over her words again, speeding up as she added, “Not that there’s anything wrong with thinking for yourself, or finding another path, of course.”

“Relax, Rarity.” I smile, not that she sees.

She clears her throat. “Do tell me more about your parents’ religion. Quite a bit of the, ah, charm of Catholicism is the magic of it.” She lets out a breathy laugh. “I imagine that doesn’t hold much weight in a world where magic is commonplace.”

“Eh, you’d be surprised. I mean, in Equestria, most magic isn’t especially ‘magical’. It’s not in itself worthy of worship. It doesn’t usually interact with religious claims.”

“I’m not sure I follow.”

“Hmm. How does gravity affect your Catholic beliefs?”

“Err, gravity as in gravitas?” Rarity asks.

“No.” I shake my head. “The force of gravity. Oh, while you’re at it, what role does electromagnetism play in your religion? How about the nuclear forces?”

A playful frown. “Darling, you know I love you both, but I think you and Twilight have been spending far too much time together.”

I chuckle. “I’m serious, Rarity. Are you saying that gravity doesn’t play a big role in Catholicism? Or electromagnetism?”

“Oh, stars, you’re serious.” Rarity blinks. “No, I don’t think any of those forces directly play a large role in my religious practice. Certainly if the world didn’t have gravity, most of the details of the religion would change. It does sound rather tricky to do communion in outer space. But the beliefs would be the same – faith in charity – and the practice would adapt.”

“Bingo.” I smile. “Everyday magic is like that in Equestria. It’s just part of the environment. If a unicorn went around Canterlot turning stuff into wine, it wouldn’t be a miracle. Most gifted unicorns can perform transfiguration.”

“I see.” Rarity’s face bunches up. “Are you implying the Bible was humans encountering Equestrian magic?”

“What? No.” I bring my hand to my forehead. “Actually, now that you mention it, that is plausible. Wait, no. That doesn’t make sense historically. Or does it? I’m getting sidetracked, aren’t I?”

“My bad. You were saying about Solarism?”

“Right. In Equestria, for something to register as a miracle to the average pony, it has to be grand. Something so magical no unicorn could accomplish it.” I roll my eyes. “Like raise and lower the sun.”

Rarity blinks. “Beg your pardon? The sun?”

“Yeah.” I bite my tongue idly. “With all the power of an alicorn. A princess with the magic of earth ponies, pegasi, and unicorns together.” I lower my head. “Princess Celestia. My teacher.”

Rarity’s eyes look like they might pop out of her head if they bulge any further. “How much of Equestria are you hiding from me, Sunset?”

I chuckle, a little embarrassment lacing my voice. “I try not to dwell on the past. My home is here now.”

“Right.”

“So, my parents were Solarists, believers in the Sun. That’s why they named me Sunset.”

“I suppose that’s understandable.”

“Maybe for most Solarists. But my parents were fundamentalists in a sect that worshipped Princess Celestia. They really believed the pony Celestia to be the Divine Sun in an equine body. After they married, they honeymooned at the Summer Sun Celebration, to catch a glimpse of Celestia. They each swear her eyes caught theirs, scanning over the crowd, and they took that as a sign they needed to move from their small town to Canterlot, to be closer to divinity.” I seethe. “What a load of horse shit.”

“Sunset!” Rarity gasps.

“What? It is. Celestia told me so herself.”

“Not in those words, I should hope.”

“No, but imagine if she had.” I giggle. Rarity does not follow suit. “Right, my parents. From an early age, I displayed magic talent as a unicorn. You know what that meant?”

“That when you failed Spanish in junior year, you had no excuse?”

“Hush.” I stifle a laugh. Vaya, it’s an idioma dificil. “It meant my parents were determined to enrol me in Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. I assume they wanted the vicarious divine experience. When I was a filly, they gave everything they had to make sure I’d get in. Paid for private tutors on a loan they probably never managed to pay back. They thought everything would work out if they could get me close to Celestia.”

“Did it?”

I glance down at my human form. “No, I can’t say it did. I rose to the ranks at CSGU, and Princess Celestia became my teacher. In person, she isn’t anything like my parents believed. Honestly, she was pretty twisted. Manipulative. She was trying to use me, coax me to wield the Elements of Harmony.” Before Rarity can respond, I add, “I know, pot and the kettle. I probably deserved the cruelty for the way I treated her anyway.”

“Hmm.” Rarity seems perplexed. “So what happened?”

“Celestia and I had a falling out. I screamed at my parents, said they were nut jobs and that they had to choose between me and their fantasy religion, and they didn’t pick me. I ran away to your world, enrolled in Canterlot High, and I think you know the rest.”

“Oh my.” Rarity takes one hand off the steering wheel and places it over her mouth. “I’m sorry. That’s such a dreadful way for things to end.”

“Eh.” I shrug. “Princess Twilight succeeded where I failed, showed me friendship, and led me to reconcile with Celestia. It’s a little awkward, but we’ve forgiven each other for our failings. It’s not so unusual. Teenage girls fighting their mothers is a time honoured tradition for ponies and people alike.”

Rarity giggles a bit too quickly with a blush. “Right. So your mom forgave you?”

I bite my lip. “Celestia forgave me. My birth parents never spoke to me again, not that I ever tried to reach them. Maybe someday.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Meh. I have more memories of Celestia than I do of them. I don’t know what they expected to happen.” With a smirk and a mocking voice, I say, “Oh, I would fulfil the prophecy, reunite Darkness with Light, bring forth a new era of Equestrian peace.”

Rarity raises an eyebrow. “That’s a Solarist prophecy? Does Solarism have a version of the Book of Revelations?”

“Whatever prophecies it has are wrong.” I laugh. “And that wasn’t prophecy. It’s just Princess Twilight’s résumé.”

Rarity laughs along with me. “It sounds like there is a lot I don’t know about Equestria. Now I can see why you’re interested in church.”

I nod. “Full disclosure, I have my doubts about human religions, too. But I wanted some more formal experience with them.”

“Right. You said you were visiting other places of worship, too?”

I smile slightly. “Sure. I’ll be attending another church tomorrow. Oh, and I went to synagogue with Twilight last night.”

She quirks an eyebrow. “Now that is hardly a formal occasion.”

“The synagogue was nice.” I frown.

“Yes, I’m sure it was,” she agrees quickly. “I meant any occasion with Twilight Sparkle.”

I fold my arms. “Need I remind you that’s my girlfriend you’re talking about?”

The corners of her lips quiver as she forces out in a deadpan, “I am well aware of whom I speak, dear.”

I dance my eyes as a chuckle slips out. “Of course you are.”

“At any rate, I think you’ll find Mass with me quite different than anything with Twilight. Certainly it will be different than what you grew up with.” She sighs. “Though I must confess, even in my life, religion is different than it was growing up. I’m afraid it lost the spotlight.”

“What do you mean?”

“As a child, religion was about family, and the Belle family is Catholic. That much hasn’t changed. But I’ve been so busy, starting my boutique and building my brand. I fear that I haven’t given church the priority it deserves in my life. I haven’t prioritized my family either, for that matter.” She winces as she finishes speaking.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” I frown. Not that she sees. Why do I keep doing this? “Do you mind if I ask a personal question?”

She nods. “Go right ahead.”

“Do you believe in God?”

“Ah. I suppose I do.” Rarity taps her fingers against the steering wheel. “It’s not a question that’s ever bothered me. Even if I didn’t believe in God, that wouldn’t change much. I couldn’t start skipping services. That wouldn’t be proper. I was raised better than that.”

I struggle with this answer. It reminds me of Twilight’s own deism, a position Twilight is happy to hold while attending synagogue. Maybe humans don’t believe in religions as strongly as their forceful texts would make a pony think they do.

“So you’re a Catholic out of obligation, just to keep appearances?”

“Heavens no,” Rarity exclaims. “I take my religious duties seriously. It’s the right thing to do, for the sake of others if not myself.”

“I don’t follow.” I scratch my head. “Why does it matter for others if you believe in God or attend church?”

“Cast in that light, it does not,” she concedes. “You’re right, it doesn’t help others that I know the gospels. That I know what I’m supposed to believe. How I’m supposed to pray. But Sunset, I was also taught the value of good works. There is little point acting religious and believing in God if it doesn’t drive you to do good. Making every effort to be generous in my dealings is the least I can do.”

“Your generosity,” I repeat. “It’s religious?”

“Some people might say everything we do is religious,” she muses. “I’m not one of those people. But yes, the Bible teaches us to give to those in need.” She squints for a bit, then says in a funny rote voice, “Whoever cares for the poor lends to the Lord, who will pay back the sum in full. Proverbs.”

I gape. “You know Bible verses by heart?”

“I didn’t have much choice growing up,” she grumbles. “But that one stuck with me, all these years later.” A slight smile. “I’ve found that for most situations in my life, there’s an appropriate verse.” The rote voice comes back. “What has been, that will be; what has been done, that will be done. Nothing is new under the sun. Ecclesiastes.”

“Now you’re just showing off.”

Rarity blushes. “Maybe a little bit.”

“See, all I had to memorize growing up was an entire corpus of magic incantations, ranging from Starswirl’s first principles to modern enchantments.” I grin stupidly.

“Now who’s showing off?” she chides in a light, teasing tone.

“Look, count your blessings.” I grumble. “You get far more use of those proverbs than I get out of Clover the Clever’s Third Method.”

“Ah, fair enough.” Rarity takes a turn around a corner, and in front of us is an impressive-looking building. We enter the parking lot, and Rarity stops the car. She turns to me in the passenger seat and smiles. “I do hope this will become a regular occurrence.”

I smirk. “Mass hasn’t even begun, and you’re already trying to turn me into a Catholic?”

“Perhaps that was a bit hasty,” she admits. “Although I was referring to the company in the car ride.”

“It was my pleasure, Rarity. Thank you for letting me tag along.”

“Letting you?” She scoffs. “You practically begged me, darling.”

“Disagree.” I fold my arms against my chest. “I asked one time politely, and you said yes. No begging whatsoever.”

Rarity balances her hands like scales. “Potato, tomato, Sunset.”

“Okay. I’m getting out of the car now.” I do as I claim.

She follows suit and closes the door. From outside, she says, “Wow, upstaging me, how unladylike.”

“Rarity!” I shout. We both laugh. She clicks her car keys and the car locks.

I take in a breath and enter the church.

Formal indeed.

There’s a first for everything.

Monday

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you, Sunset. I don’t believe in God no more.”

I find Applejack tending to the orchards in Sweet Apple Acres. Knowing her family history, I asked to go with her to church, like I went with Fluttershy, but she said that wouldn’t be possible. When I pressed, she told me to meet her here.

I blink. There goes that hope of spiritual guidance. “Oh. I assumed you did.”

Applejack picks a handful of apples from the nearest tree, grumbling. “You never heard of atheists before?”

“In Equestria, sure. I didn’t realize there were many on Earth.”

Applejack chokes on her words, irritated but entertaining the conversation. “I gotta say, Sunset, for someone on a big spiritual journey, you don’t seem to have done too much research.”

I wince. “I was hoping to hear what my friends had to say before I went down an Internet rabbit hole. I trust you all, and I’m more than a little scared of getting pulled into believing something crazy just because some hot-headed fundamentalist said so.”

She gives an empty laugh. “Now that there’s an idea I can get behind.”

I frown. “Did something happen? If this is a sore subject, I don’t mean to bring up bad feelings. Actually, you know what, I can just go, and we never have to talk about this again…” I trail off, thoughts spinning around, and turn away from her to take a step towards the road.

“Now hold up, Sunset,” she shouts, forcing me to halt. “You asked a question, and I fully intend to answer it as honestly as I can. But don’t be mad if the honest truth ain’t what you want to hear.”

I bite my lip. “I’m listening.”

Applejack sits down on the ground, leaning her back against the tree. “I don’t remember much from when I was that young, but I was to be raised a good Christian girl. I went to church with Ma and Pa every Sunday. Big Mac and Granny Smith, too.” She frowned. “Course, that was before Apple Bloom came around.”

I scratch my head. I’ve never heard Applejack talk about her parents, and it occurs to me I’ve never seen them around Sweet Apple Acres. I lower my voice and dare to ask, “What happened?”

She’s silent for the better part of a minute, keeping her eyes fixed on the dirt road in front of us, until she finally forces her aged stare to pierce mine. Before she speaks, her eyes drop again, and I regret asking the question.

“I was only four years old, but I will never forget the day my little sister was born, right over there in that barn.” Her eyes flare; whether from pain or anger I can’t say. “When Ma went into labour, she didn’t want no doctors. For a moment, that was fine, but she started having complications. Serious ones. Granny Smith begged Ma to go to a hospital, but in between the crying, Ma kept insisting on a natural birth. Said God would grant her a miracle, if that’s what it would take for her baby.” Applejack stops abruptly and grabs her Stetson, and in her eyes I register the faint glossiness of silent tears. “I guess God granted a miracle alright, since… Since baby Apple Bloom popped out and turned out just fine. But, I…” She swallows her words. “Well, soon enough, Ma on the other hand…”

I don’t need her to finish the sentence. I feel my stomach drop as I reach out for her hand on instinct. She grabs not only my hand but my entire upper body, wrapping me in a hug and leaning on me for support until she regains her composure. I realize this story is not one she shares often. Slowly she pulls back, keeping my grounding hand in hers, and continues.

“Granny Smith and Pa were beside her the whole time, but Big Mac and I were in the house. We only figured out what happened by Pa’s wailing, louder than anything either of us had heard our whole life. We’d heard him cry before, sure. Even in his happiest years with Ma, he had a lot of bad days, shed a lot of tears from the depression.”

She shudders, and I mirror.

“I reckon losing Ma was hardest on him out of all of us. Two months later, he…” She buries her head in my shoulder and breathes. “We lost Pa, Sunset. We had lost Ma, and before we finished crying, we lost Pa.”

I droop my head. “I’m sorry, Applejack. I didn’t realize.”

Applejack does not respond to that. Neither a socially obliged “it’s fine”, nor a lashing out for bringing up memories, nor a fresh wave of tears. Yet after a pause, she continues.

“Ma was more stubborn than I am, if you can believe it. Just because the Apples are Baptists doesn’t mean the Pears are, and my Ma? Buttercup? Her maiden name was Pear Butter.” Her teeth clench as she recalls the name. “Ma spent her last decade estranged from her own family. It shouldn’t’ve mattered what kind of ideas she grew up with. But her thoughts on God never changed. Or her thoughts on modern medicine, for that matter.”

As my head tilts at the allusion to medicine, it dawns on me just how little I know about the diversity of human religious beliefs, far beyond the spectrum of my own friends.

Applejack notices my confusion and covers her face with her hand. “The Pears are Christians, the kind that believe in prayers for healing. I guess that’d be fine, but the Pears, they believe prayer should replace medicine.” She breathes. “Ma was sure if she loved Pa and he loved God, his depression would cured. She was sure to the end if she prayed enough, God would deliver her baby. I have to say, if there’s one thing Apples and Pears have always had in common, it’s that we stick to our principles.” She nods to herself, unconvinced. “Ma stuck to hers to the end.”

I don’t know what to say, and it seems neither does Applejack. She bows her head but allows her eyes to drift up to the sky. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she were in prayer throughout her cries. Quietly she whispers, “When I was little, I wanted to believe Ma and Pa were happy up there. When I was churched, I heard all about Heaven and Hell, and after they passed, they told me since Ma and Pa accepted God’s grace, they were in Heaven.” She shakes her head. “It ain’t fair. If God loved Ma as much as she loved Him, why did this happen? And frankly, what about the good people around me who aren’t Christians? It makes no sense for you and Twilight to be going to Hell for being gay, or Rainbow Dash for just not getting churched, you hear? If Hell is anything like what I heard about in church as a kid, I can’t see an all-loving God sending anybody there.” She cracks a smile behind a veil of pain and lightly hits me in the arm. “Even you, Sunset Shimmer.”

I smirk. “Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence, AJ.”

She returns the smirk, if only for an instant before it melts away. She tips her hat down, covering her eyes but leaving her nose poking out. She chokes on her next words. “And what about me, the grieving girl doubting God? Even if Ma and Pa were in Heaven, I’d never get to see them again.”

I don’t know how to respond.

She sighs. “If what I heard in Sunday School was right, I’m going to Hell one way or the other.”

“For your doubts?”

“Yeah.” She looked around the orchard awkwardly, as if asserting a right to private conversation even in her own home. “And, uh, you and Twilight aren’t the only ones in this here friend group who like girls.”

“Oh?” I mumble. “Oh! Oh…”

“Eeyup,” she says. “I’ve known that one for years. Bet you didn’t notice, though.”

“I can’t say I did, no.”

Applejack smirks. “Let me guess, your eyes were too focused on another girl friend to check who was checking you out?”

“What? No!” I yelp with a blush, then rub the back of my neck with my hand. “I mean, maybe?”

Her smirk only intensifies as she watches me fight it out with myself.

“Look, don’t expect a girl to notice all the other cute girls around after her cute best friend says ‘I love you’.” I shoot back airily.

She whistles. “You really love her, don’t you?”

“Twilight?” She nods, and I nod back. “Yeah. I do. The pony princess showed me friendship, but my Twi showed me love.”

“That’s awfuly corny.” She snickers, but before I can get defencive, she adds, “I like it.”

“Thanks.”

She gives a curt nod. “You two have something special.” I flash a warm smile. “There ain’t no easy way to say this, but I want what you two have. Now, I don’t care much for sex. If I had to go like Mary to stay in my community’s good graces, so be it. But if I stayed a Christian, I could never have settled down with a wife.”

“Hm.” I frown, torn between the pangs of sympathy and bubbling disagreement.

She notices my discontentment and says, “Spit it out, Sunset.”

I hesitate. It isn’t my place to be having this conversation. It’s my fault we’re talking about it all. But she did ask, and I’m not one to deny a friend. “Are you sure you couldn’t have that as a Christian?”

She raised an eyebrow, face glum. “These ain’t hypotheticals. When I was fourteen I came out to a ‘friend’ from the church youth group. Some friend he was. Word got back to the pastor, and he and I had a frank little chat. You know what that pastor told me?”

I shake my head.

“Said he understands I’m confused, and said he understood, since he was confused as a teenager too. He said he would pray for me, and told me I should pray that God helps me see the Light. He assured me that just like he has a wife now, someday I’d have a husband.”

“Applejack…”

“He also asked me not to bring it up at the youth group, didn’t want me confusing anyone else my age.” She wiggles her hands as she says “confusing”, with a mocking spooky voice. “You know what I said to that?” She grins. “I said he wouldn’t have to worry about that, ’cause I sure ain’t coming to youth group no more. Before he could protest, I up and left. Never been to church since.”

“Wow.” I grimace. “That’s one way to make an exit.”

Applejack grins. “One to do Rarity proud, I hope. Besides the storming out of church bit. Not so sure she’d be proud of me for that part.”

I laugh. “Maybe not, but I bet she’d have some choice words for your pastor if she had the chance.” Butchering the pronunciation, I mimic, “Mange de la merde, ahem, pardon my French.”

Applejack returns my laugh. I notice her cheeks are a faint pink. “Alright, now your turn. Spill the beans, AJ.”

“What beans?” She avoids my eyes.

“You’re blushing,” I point out. “Talk.”

Applejack looks down, an ineffective means of hiding said blush. “I, well, got a crush, you see.” I open my mouth, prompting her. “On a girl.”

My mouth purses into an o. “You and Rarity?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Wow.” I blink. “How did I miss that one?”

“I can be discreet when I need to be.” Applejack shrugs. “And I’m not sure Rarity swings our way.”

“You sure about that?” I raise an eyebrow. “Now that I think about it, the two of you are quite affectionate, physically speaking.”

Applejack’s blush deepens.

“D’you think I have a shot with her?”

“Honestly? No idea.” I look at her reassuringly, though I admit the look is hard to distinguish from pity. “You won’t find out if you don’t ask.”

“I can’t do that!” Applejack shut her eyes. “Even if I were ready to tell her about those feelings, I can’t. Rarity Belle is a Catholic, you know? She’s a Christian, Sunset.”

“So?”

“Look, I don’t mean to stereotype, but we both know what the Bible thinks of people like us.”

I frown, thinking back on Winter Brown’s overt wish for Twilight and I to marry. “Twilight’s congregation seemed comfortable around us as a couple, even though the Jewish Bible isn’t always the kindest to queer people.”

Applejack shakes her head. “Isn’t Twilight’s congregation reform Jewish?”

“Odd detail for you to know, but yes, I think so.”

“Ain’t the same, Sunset.”

I rack my brain. “What about Fluttershy? When Twilight came out last year, Fluttershy said…”

“Said, ‘I’m proud of you, Twilight’? Yeah, I remember.”

“There you go,” I beam. “Fluttershy is Christian to the core. Are you telling me she was lying about being proud of Twilight?”

“I don’t think so,” Applejack says. “But people can believe all sorts of contradictions when they have to. You said you went to Fluttershy’s church, yeah?”

“Yes.”

“Do you honestly think it’d have gone over well if you stood up and said you’re bi?”

“I don’t know,” I admit. “But Fluttershy doesn’t support us in spite of being a Christian. She supports us because of her Christian obligation to love. That has to count for something.”

“Maybe,” Applejack says. “Maybe for now. But maybe some day she’ll hear a sermon from a pastor like mine, or read the wrong Bible verse, and snap, we won’t be welcome in her life anymore.” Disgust bubbles up in her mouth. “Or worse, we’ll become her new project. Try and set us straight in the name of Jesus, y’know?”

“Hey.” I cross my arms. “Fluttershy’s our friend. You shouldn’t talk about her like that. She’s not going to abandon us.”

“Ain’t she?” Applejack fumes.

“No. I know you’re scared, but don’t you trust Fluttershy at all?”

Applejack sighs. “Scared. Yeah. Sure.”

“Fluttershy doesn’t know you’re worried about this, does she?”

“No,” Applejack mumbles. “If she hasn’t gotten the idea already, I don’t want to plant the seed.”

I frown. “I take it Rarity doesn’t know either.”

Applejack shrugs uncomfortably. “My worry about Rarity ain’t her views. It’s her commitment to what’s proper. I don’t know how that’d go down, coming out to her. Maybe now a proper Catholic can be gay, with the new pope and all. I don’t know.”

I look at Applejack with concern. “Do you really think Rarity would put decorum over her friends?”

“No,” Applejack relents. “I guess I am being a bit silly here. Fluttershy and Rares didn’t do nothing to hurt you, me, or Twilight. In my head, I know that. It’s just taking time to get that through to my heart.”

“I understand.” I bite my lip. “Do you mind if I suggest something dumb?”

Applejack raises an eyebrow, but says, “Go ahead.”

“Maybe go to church with Rarity, one of these days. She’ll be receptive, given how enthusiastic she was to have me along for the ride.” Although Applejack tenses up, I continue, “Her church is different from what you grew up with. It might help you work through your fears and let you both gain some empathy for each other.” I smirk innocently. “Oh, and it’ll give you time alone together.” I wag my eyebrows. “I hear the pews are quite crowded on Christmas. All you’ll need is some mistletoe, and…”

“Quiet, Sunset.” Applejack chortles. “I’ll think about it. Thanks.”

She pauses, unsure of herself, and then embraces me. I reciprocate.

“Thank you, Applejack.”

Tuesday

“You wanted to meet?” Rainbow Dash tilts her head upwards as a brief salutation, and I mirror. “Something about religion?” I nod. “No offence, but, uh, why?”

By now I’ve become comfortable with the question. “I’m on a spiritual journey, and I’m looking to understand my friends’ beliefs as I seek to form my own.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Sure, if you say so. You should talk to Fluttershy.”

“I did. We went to church together on Sunday.”

Rainbow shrugs, unfazed but unimpressed. “So what do you need me for?”

I hesitate. “Fluttershy did give me quite a bit to think about, but I’d like to hear about all of my friends’ religious beliefs before I commit to anything.”

“Oh.” Rainbow scratches her head. “Hate to break it to you, but I don’t do religion. There’s not much for me to say.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.” I hope my smile is convincing enough. “You don’t do religion… Are you an atheist?”

“Ugh, why does everyone think that?” She rolls her head around her neck.

“So you do believe in God?”

“Nope.”

My forced smile returns. “Doesn’t that make you atheist?”

Rainbow whistles. “Look, religion really isn’t my thing. It never was, and it probably never will be.”

I nod slightly, unconvinced. “Did you ever try religion?”

“Eh, Shy dragged me to church once or twice. It wasn’t my thing.”

I frown. “There are other religions’ than Fluttershy’s, you know.”

“So?” Rainbow shrugs. “Aren’t they all basically the same? Tell some stories about a giant man in the sky, sing some songs, don’t eat pork on Fridays?”

“That’s a rather reductionist Western view on religion.” I blink. “I take it that you don’t believe in God, then. And should probably do some reading about philosophy.”

She rolls her eyes. “Look, I don’t think there’s a God up there, but I’m not some egghead who spends time thinking that there isn’t one, you know?” She snickers. “Uh, no offence, egghead.”

“Hmm.” I pause, chewing on her pile of contradictions. “Maybe that would make you agnostic?”

“Uh, no, I’m not a gnaw stick. I just don’t think about God, period.” Rainbow creases her brow. “Except for right now, and that’s only because you keep asking.”

“Oh.” My façade smile slips. “What do you think about God right now?”

“Really, Sunset?”

I beat puppy dog eyes.

“Alright, fine. I’m thinking it’s all pretty dumb. If God is real and wanted to be believed in, why let so many religions say opposite things about him? And if he’s not real, or he doesn’t want to be believed in, why would anyone bother being religious? Seems like a big waste of time, and a stupid reason for people to fight each other over.”

“Oh!” I light up, having worked through some of the same objections myself. “Those are excellent questions. I’d be happy to discuss the philosophical side. I’m sure Twilight has some references we could check out together. If you’re looking for something more Biblical, Fluttershy could help you. And if in the end you just don’t believe, I’m sure Applejack should have some words of advice for you.”

Rainbow raises both of her eyebrows but seems amused. “For such a smart person, you can be pretty dense, Sunset. I don’t want help believing in God, or help not believing in God. I don’t have a problem with religion. Like, I get it. You want to believe in something. You like discovering all the answers by reading some dusty old books. That’s cool. It just isn’t for me, okay?”

“Hmm.” I mull over her words. Could a person really be satisfied without the answers? Without even asking the questions? Everyone else I’ve known, human or pony, theist or atheist, has believed something. Is Rainbow really so different?

My tongue presses against my cheek. “What do you think happens after you die?”

“Me? Die?” Rainbow cackles. “I’m pretty sure I have a resting heart rate of seven. I’ll be fine for a while.”

“You’re not immortal,” I chide. “Wait, are you immortal? Can humans do that?”

“You tell me, magic pony girl.” Rainbow snickers. “Obviously humans can be immortal. Case in point: yours truly.”

I hold my hands up. “Okay, okay, humour me. You get into an epic battle to save humanity, tackle tons of bad guys, slay a bunch of undead horrors, the works. You succeed, but at the cost of your own life. What happens then?”

“Duh, humanity goes gaga over my corpse for saving its ass.”

“What about you?”

“I don’t know.” Rainbow seems pensive. “Maybe, in the last second before I die, I remember all the cool things I did, and as the last bit of life leaves me, I fade out thinking, man! I killed it. And it killed me. So now we’re even, life and me.” She seems unsure. “I guess we go out in a tie, 1 to 1.”

I smile. “Do you get a rematch?”

Rainbow shrugs. “Don’t know, don’t care.”

“Why not?”

Rainbow’s gaze meets mine, and for the first time today, she seems serious. “Right now, I’m fighting in this match. There’s only so much time before the clock runs out. Maybe there’s another match after. But maybe not, so I gotta make this one a win. I could spend time worrying what will happen after or wondering who’s refereeing. That’s time I’d rather spend scoring goals.” She throws her hands up in defence. “If eggheads like you and Twilight want to spend your time reading the rulebook, knock yourselves out, but I’ll be a hundred points ahead by the time you realize you won’t win if you never play.”

“Right.” I nod slowly. “Thank you, Rainbow Dash. For someone who claims not to care about religion, you seem to care where it counts.”

Rainbow frowns. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You care about living a good life, independent of belief in afterlife. That’s commendable,” I say, “and something many religious people could stand to learn. Heaven shouldn’t be the reason people do good.”

Rainbow blinks. “I didn’t say anything about doing good. Honestly, I don’t think about good and bad much. I mean, I try to be nice and loyal and whatever, but I won’t pretend I’m some goodie two-shoes like Fluttershy.”

“No?” I cock my head. “Why are you so focused on ‘winning’ then?”

“Duh, because I’m a terrible loser. Total lack of practice.” She laughs. “Look, when the timer’s running, and the ball’s in my court, of course I’m gonna dribble it and shoot a hoop.”

“But why?”

“Why not?”

I chuckle. “Because you can?”

She flashes two thumbs-up at me. “Heck yeah, because I can!”

I smirk. “I’m starting to see the wisdom in your approach. Thank you, again.”

“Any time for a friend. You good now?”

“Yeah, I think so. If I want to approach religion scientifically, I do have to consider the null hypothesis.” I blow out a puff of air. “You’ve more than provided that. Thanks.”

She raises an eyebrow at me but seems to knows better than to ask a clarifying question.

“I’m sorry, I should probably let you go back to your game.” I wink. “If I stay too long, I might turn you into an ‘egghead’.”

“Hah, I’d like to see you try.” Rainbow crosses her arms.

“Hmm.” I hold my chin in my hand. “You should observe the parallels between the traditional domain of religion to your analogies. Each seeks to answer fundamental questions: the meaning of life, righteousness, death, and so on. The essential difference, however, is that–”

She puts her hand over my mouth, muffling me as she rolls her eyes. “I was joking.”

I stop trying to mumble. Satisfied, she removes her hand, allowing me to say, “Uh-huh. Sure. Totally. Ahem.”

“Yep.” She points finger guns at me. “Catch you later?”

I point back and click my tongue goodbye.

Wednesday

My six friends sit around a round table, sipping milkshakes at the Sweet Shoppe, smiling and chatting.

During a lull in conversation, I say, “Hey, I’m really grateful I got to talk to all of you this week about your religious beliefs.” I wink at Rainbow, preempting her retort. “Even yours, Dash.”

“Bu- Su-set,” Pinkie Pie says, muffled through a straw. She slurps the end of her drink, making enough noise in the process to elicit a disgusted wince from Rarity beside her. Pinkie pushes her empty glasses towards the centre of the table and exclaims, “You never talked to me about mine!”

I smile, a bit confused. “I asked if you had any religious beliefs, and you just told me to meet you and the girls here for milkshakes.” I sip my own drink and then add on, “I assumed you’re just really religious about spending time with your friends.”

Rainbow Dash snickers. “Nah, I bet you that Pinkie Pie’s ‘belief’” – she makes air quotes with her fingers – “is that sugar is holy and cupcakes make good communion.” Rainbow looks at me and wags her eyebrows. “5 bucks?” I glance at Pinkie’s indignant face and give Dash a thumbs-up.

Is betting on a friend’s religious beliefs sinful? Hey, if we’re all sinners, it doesn’t matter, right?

…Wait.

“Deal. 5 bucks that Pinkie believes something other than ‘there’s no limit to how much sugar a healthy adolescent should consume in one sitting’.”

“You say it like it isn’t true,” Pinkie Pie huffs at me. She then sticks her tongue out playfully at Rainbow, who sticks hers out much less playfully in return. The situation escalating, Pinkie wags her tongue around, and Rainbow gags. While the two most mature members of my entourage battle it out, I notice Rarity making hurried glances around the busy shop.

To Rarity’s obvious relief, Twilight Sparkle interrupts the little fight. “You guys are being ridiculous.” Rarity and Fluttershy nod in unison at this. Rainbow Dash crosses her arms with her eyebrows raised. “Rainbow, I can’t believe you don’t know that Pinkie Pie is Jewish.”

Pinkie bats an eye.

Rainbow follows suit.

Fluttershy tilts her head slightly at the revelation.

And Rarity? Rarity scoffs. “Preposterous. Pinkie Pie is a follower of Christ.” Fluttershy nods along.

“I don’t know where you heard that rumour,” Twilight frowns. “Because she’s definitely Jewish.”

“Rumour?” Rarity huffs. “She’s a Catholic, just like me.”

“No,” Twilight says, “she’s a Jew, just like me.” By now, the others look quite confused, Fluttershy most of all. Twilight and Rarity each turned their gazes Pinkieward for confirmation.

Pinkie says nothing and smiles cryptically.

Fluttershy speaks up. “Um, I don’t know if it makes her a Christian, but Pinkie likes going with me to church on Sundays. She says she likes singing our worship songs.” Fluttershy smiles sheepishly at Pinkie. “She sounds pretty good, too.”

Rarity puts up a finger. “Fluttershy, dear, let’s not be hasty. Pinkie Pie is a churchgoing Catholic. She knows the liturgy by heart. I think that counts a bit more than some, er, worship songs.” Fluttershy seems hurt by this remark, and I am tempted to defend her. When I was there, the songs at Fluttershy’s church sounded like a valid way to pray, just like the liturgy at Rarity’s.

Alas, before I get the chance to say anything, Twilight shakes her head and cuts in to the argument. “I for one see Pinkie at my shul all the time.”

Rainbow Dash smirks. “She probably just goes for the free food.”

Twilight blinks. “I suppose I have seen her eating her fair share of the oneg.” She pauses momentarily in contemplation, then shakes off the new information. “But Pinkie goes even when it isn’t anyone’s bat mitzvah. She prays, too, in Hebrew.” Twilight cups her hand around her mouth and comments to the group, as if I can’t hear her while sitting right next to her. “Her Hebrew is a lot better than Sunset’s, I gotta say.”

I stick a kiss on Twilight’s cheek in protest. She blushes but stands by her words.

“Some Christians learn Hebrew. It’s one of the holy languages, after all.” Fluttershy replies, unsure of herself. “And Pinkie sings all the worship songs, even the ones about loving Christ.” Rarity nods.

Twilight blinks and then looks between Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Rarity in quick succession. “Oh G-d”. She covers her mouth with her hand, eyes betraying her shock. “What if she’s one of those Jews for Jesus?”

Pinkie says nothing.

Throughout the conversation, Applejack has been distant. Zoning out, maybe. Contemplative, more generously. But now she sighs. “I don’t want y’all drawing conclusions based on some ol’ she said, she said. But when I went through my faith crisis freshman year, Pinkie Pie here looked me in the eye and said, ‘AJ, it’s okay not to believe in God. It really is’.” Applejack bites her lip. “It really helped me to hear it back then. Lord knows none of my family would say that to me. Even if some of them were thinking the same thing. Thank you, again, Pinkie.” She smiles wearily at Pinkie, who returns an unabashed ear-to-ear smile. Applejack looks at Twilight, Fluttershy, and Rarity. “Now think what you want about Pinkie here, but those don’t sound like the words of a faithful Christian or Jew to me.”

While the religious trio looks puzzled, Pinkie innocently slurps on at least her third milkshake, while the rest of us are still on our first. I start to wonder if I’m going to lose this bet.

Rainbow Dash slaps her arms against the table. “I for one have never heard Pinkie talk about religion.”

Applejack quirks an eyebrow. “Since when do you give a hoot about anyone’s religion?”

“Duh, since I had a bet riding on it.” Rainbow sticks her head out and waves it like it’s obvious. “But I knew Shy is a Christian, ’cause she told me. And I knew Twi was Jewish, ’cause she told me.” She points up. “If Pinkie cared so much about loving God or hating God or whatever, she would’ve told me. ’Cause we’re friends. Cue the D.”

“Do you mean QED?” Twilight frowns. “Because that doesn’t mean what you think it does.”

I snicker. “‘QED’ doesn’t, or ‘Cue the D’ doesn’t?”

“Yes.”

There is silence, and one by one, we turn our heads towards the subject of our confusion.

“Pinkie Pie,” Applejack says, “I think you’ve got some ’splaining to do.”

That would be the understatement of the day.

“Hmm… I guess you’re all right about me.” Pinkie slurps away the last of milkshake numero cuatro. She needs to fuel up before monologuing, or something like that. “Just like you’re all right about God.”

A chorus of “huh?” ensues.

Pinkie taps her finger against the table. “Say I’m just a Jew. Then I get to go to synagogue with Twi, which is super fun, but I miss out on everybody else.”

Twilight nods.

“Or say I’m just a Christian. Then I get church with Flutters and Rarity. Those are both super fun in their own ways. But then I get no Twi.”

Fluttershy and Rarity nod in turn.

“And in none of those cases do I get to support Applejack as she comes to reject religion altogether, and that’d be a huge bummer.”

“Pinkie Pie, dear, why would you want to support her rejecting God if you’re a Christian?” Rarity frowns. “Or a Jew, for that matter?”

Pinkie smiles. “Because I’m Applejack’s friend. And yours too.”

“I’m your friend, too,” Rainbow mumbles.

“Yep!” Pinkie grins. “And I know nothing I do or don’t do could ever change that, Dashie. That’s part of what makes our friendship so awesome.”

Rainbow squints her eyes but says nothing, apparently both baffled and oddly touched.

Twilight flips a notebook onto the table and clicks her pen. “I don’t understand, Pinkie. What do you believe in?”

“You guys, silly!” Pinkie laughs, and squeezes Rarity and Rainbow on either side into a sudden hug. Both look dumbfounded by the turn of events.

“That’s ridiculous.” Twilight pushes her glasses against the bridge of her nose. “None of us are God. Actually, I have my doubts about you, but none of the rest of us are God. And you believing in yourself is either cliché or narcissistic. Maybe both.”

“Pff.” Pinkie giggles. “I’m not God. I met Her, though. She’s pretty chill.” Pinkie leans in, away from other tables, and whispers, “But She’s pretty peeved that people keep fighting each other over Her.”

I blush at the language, though nobody else seems to react to that part of the sentence.

Rarity blinks. “I’m sorry, dear, you said you met God? As in…” She crosses herself. “The God? Not some pastry or rock musician or something else merely named God?”

“Obviously,” Pinkie laughs to Rarity’s awe and disbelief. “Only once, though. It was during the Friendship Games.”

Twilight grimaces. “I don’t like where this is going.”

“Nah, you’re good, Twi.” Pinkie beams. “Lyra, Bon Bon, and I were munching on some of my special Pinkie brownies, and then there was this burst of magic, and all of a sudden I was flying with Lyra in the sky with diamonds. We flew all the way to the pearly gates, and let me tell you, that took a while. They are so high up.”

Rarity blinks.

“Anyway, we got there and said hi to three Sweetie Belles playing six dimensional chess with Discord and Granny Pie. Then, bam, God showed up, and She was like, ‘Hey Pinkie Pie! Hey Lyra! Wait, Lyra, you’re not supposed to be here for another fifty three years’. And so Lyra looked super sad and scared and asked if she was going to hell, but God laughed and said that’s impossible, ’cause it’s just something We tell fillies to scare them a lil bit.”

Fluttershy blinks.

“Anyway, I apologized to God because Lyra being there was all my fault. God understood and chatted with us about pudding, cupcakes, the nature of the square root of one thousand seven hundred and sixty four, pies, pastries, you know, the works.”

Twilight shakes off a hand cramp and keeps writing.

“And then, uh, actually I don’t remember anything after that. Next thing I know, the three of us were behind the school bleachers, and we were all super hot from all the magic in the air and yummies in our tummies, so we turn to each other and decide to–”

I blink.

“Anyway, you get the picture. Great day, besides the discontinuities in the fabric of spacetime.”

Twilight sighs. “I feel like this is my fault.”

“Eh.” Pinkie shrugs nonchalantly. “Think less ‘fault’, and more ‘kickstarting your future classmates’ future marriage’.”

“…Yeah, this is definitely my fault.”

I try to process Pinkie’s perspective to little avail. “Hey, Pinkie?”

“Yes, Sunny?”

“Do you consider yourself religious?”

“I dunno.” She shrugs happily. “I go to two churches and a synagogue, so that’s, like, three times as religious as going to just one, right?”

“I’m not sure that’s how it works, darling.”

Fluttershy speaks next. “Um, if you really did meet God, do you know if…?” She hides her face behind her hair. “If it’s right to be a Christian?”

Pinkie grins. “Of course it’s okay that you’re a Christian, ’cause that makes you happy.”

“Crap.” Twilight frowns. “Do I need to convert?”

Pinkie giggles. “Of course not, why would you need to convert?”

“Because I’m Jewish?”

“Are you happy being Jewish?”

“Yes.”

“Tada!” Pinkie grins. “Then there’s your answer.”

Rarity blinks. “I’m so lost. Does God approve of… both Christianity and Judaism?”

“How should I know?” Pinkie laughs as if it’s a silly question. “I only met Her once, and we mostly discussed recipes so good they’re out of this world. You should ask Her yourself.”

Rarity sputters. “But.. how… you… didn’t…”

Pinkie’s smile is unwavering.

“Well, snap.” Applejack sighs and tips down her Stetson. “I guess I gotta believe in God again, if He – er, She – is real after all.”

Pinkie shrugs. “Why? I thought not believing in God made you happy.”

“It does,” Applejack admits to Rarity’s horror and Fluttershy’s distant frown. “But if God is real after all, then that matters a might more than my happiness about it.”

“I don’t understand.” Pinkie frowns. “Why should God care what you believe? It’s not like She’s counting on the income.” She laughs at her own joke, to the flat silence of everyone else. “Get it? Because God made money? And can just create more money and skyrocket inflation? Because She created inflation? And everything else?”

Rarity places her hand on Pinkie’s shoulder. “We get it, love.”

“Okie dokie.”

Something clicks inside Rainbow Dash, and her face lights up. “Ha! That means I was right after all.”

“About?” I ask.

“Religion not mattering. Pinkie just said God doesn’t care what I believe, so I was right.”

“Hmm.” I grin wickedly. “You’re right, that is one of her deeply held religious beliefs. Which means you just lost a bet.”

“Ugh.” Rainbow reaches into her clothes, produces her wallet, extracts a five dollar bill, and hands it across the table to me.

I feel a little guilt, choose to ignore it, and pocket the money. “I admit I don’t know where this leaves me. I came to you girls for answers, but now I have six different answers. And I may have caused some faith crises and a friendship problem.” I bury my head in my hands.

Twilight wraps me in a chaste side hug, and Pinkie gets up out of her seat to follow suit. “Thanks.” I pause. “You know, I just feel so lost. I don’t know if the Bible is the Word of God. I don’t know if Pinkie’s religious experience was just a hallucination. Er, no offence.”

“None taken!”

I press on. “I don’t know who God is. I don’t know if God is real. I don’t know if any of this even matters.” I sniffle to prevent an outburst. “I knew Equestrian religions were mostly wrong, but I thought humans knew more. Now I don’t know anything anymore.”

“Nah, Sunny.” Pinkie squeezes me. “You know the six of us. That counts for something.” She giggles. “I don’t know what, but something.”

I smile slightly. “Thanks, Pinkie.”

Fluttershy pipes up. “You know, Sunset, you don’t need the answers right now. You have a lifetime to figure things out.”

“I concur,” Rarity says. “There’s no use rushing matters of the soul.”

Rainbow Dash shrugs. “And if you never figure it out, so what?”

“It ain’t like God’s gonna smite ya over it.” Applejack winks.

Fluttershy opens her mouth and immediately shuts it.

Twilight squeezes my hand. “Sunset, you have a good head on your shoulders and a good heart. Wherever you end up, I think it’ll work out. If that means becoming a Jew, I know Beth Chaim will welcome you with open arms. If it doesn’t, I’ll love you and support you all the same.” She kisses me on the lips, and I kiss back, to a chorus of “Aww”s from the peanut gallery.

“I love you, Twilight.” I whisper.

“I love you, too.” She whispers back, her breath hot.

I pull back and face the others. “We make a funny group, the seven of us.”

“Sure do,” Pinkie says, returning to her seat across the table. “It’s like, a Jew, a Catholic, and an atheist walk into a bar.”

It’s silent for a second, then Pinkie bursts out laughing. “Get it?”

“Uh, Pinks?” Rainbow says. “Usually there’s more to those jokes.”

Pinkie Pie’s lips round into an o. “Okay, sorry, let me try again. A Jew, two Christians, an ex-Christian, an agnostic, and a mystic walk into a bar… And then they order a dozen milkshakes!”

Pinkie again bursts out laughing, and seeing her ease with the world, I find myself smiling too.

“I’m really glad I have you, girls.” I raise my eyebrows, then add with a wink, “Even you, Dash.”

“You’re pretty tolerable yourself.” Rainbow returns the wink. “Glad I have the rest of you to pick up the slack, though.”

“I agree with Sunset,” Fluttershy says. “I love all of you, with all my heart and all my soul.”

“Absolutely.” Rarity adds, “Twilight, I do mean to apologize for raising my voice earlier. It was no way to treat one of my best friends.”

Twilight presses her fist against her chest. “I’m sorry, too. For a moment there, it mattered so much what my friend Pinkie believed.”

Rarity’s lips curl up. “But I believe the friendship is what matters, and everything else will come in due time.”

Oh…

Oh Celestia.

“While we’re all apologizing…” I suck in a breath. “I’m sorry for trying to force you into a box, Rainbow. I guess I got caught up in all the strong opinions, from Fluttershy’s to Applejack’s, that I didn’t stop to think maybe you didn’t have a strong opinion. And that’s okay. Pushing you wasn’t okay.”

Rainbow throws up her hands. “Hey, it’s all good. You were just doing what eggheads do best.”

Twilight seems miffed by this remark. “Study?”

“No,” Rainbow laughs and replies in a crummy approximation of Rarity’s accent. “Faux pas.”

Rarity rolls her eyes at the impression but chuckles anyway.

“Aww, snap.” Applejack sighs. “I guess I got an apology to give, too.”

“You don’t have to do this, AJ.” I reach over Twilight to touch Applejack supportively. In doing so, my right arm brushes against Twilight’s chest, not that she seems to mind.

She pauses. Then she sits up a little straighter. “Naw, I’m afraid I do.” She lets go of a deep breath. “Alright, here goes. Fluttershy, Rarity, I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions about how you might treat me if… If you knew something about me. I try to be honest, but I’ve had to hide something for a while now. I know we’re friends, but it’s just hard to say, what might happen in the future, you know? If you knew.”

While Rarity’s eyebrows shoot up, Fluttershy seems confused and asks, “Knew what? I promise that no matter what, I’ll love and support you. It’s what Jesus would do.”

“A promise?” Pinkie sticks her nose into the conversation. “Or a Pinkie promise?”

Fluttershy brings her hand to her chest and motions as she replies, “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

“Right.” Applejack sighs and closes her eyes. “I’m, uh, I’m gay.”

Nobody says anything.

Applejack pokes her eyes open. “I thought y’all would have something to say to that.”

Applejack’s unsure eyes meet Rarity’s. “Darling, I don’t mean this in the wrong way, but I’ve known that since the Spring Fling. I’m not quite sure what you’re so worried about.” Rarity looks around the table. “Is this coming as a surprise to anyone?”

There’s a mix of nodding and shaking of heads around the table.

Fluttershy is one of the nods, but she says, “Applejack, I support you. I meant what I said.”

Applejack seems distant. “I’m just scared, you know? I know you support Twilight and Sunset, but I also know what Christians think of people like me.”

“Not all Christians.” Fluttershy seems a bit hurt. “Jesus taught us to love one another. Hate isn’t compatible with truly following Christ.”

Applejack bites her lip. “But what about all that stuff in the Old Testament about how queer people are s’posed to get stoned?”

“What’s wrong with that?” Pinkie asks. “Getting stoned is great!”

Applejack and Fluttershy both look at her.

Pinkie looks back, smile undeterred.

“Right,” Applejack continues. “I know the Old Testament law isn’t binding on Christians, but if you really think that God wrote the Bible, then you think God wrote that part, too.” She lowers the volume of her voice. “Maybe you support me now, but maybe that’s because you’re a new Christian. You know the Gospels but not the rest of the Bible yet.” She stops herself. “But assuming makes an ass out of me, so I guess I better ask. How do you square those parts of the Bible with being all supportive?”

Fluttershy seems pensive. “You’re right. God prohibited Jews from practicing homosexuality in Old Testament times. But when the Word of God doesn’t seem consistent with what God would say – the God we know from the New Testament – that’s a sign we need to look deeper.” She sighs. “In truth, I don’t know. Your church growing up didn’t support gay Christians. My church does. I think times have changed. We’re no longer bound by the Old Testament law, because now we have Jesus. Doesn’t following Jesus’s lead takes priority over law that was never intended for Christians?”

Applejack looks around. I wonder if she thinks the question is meant for somebody else. When nobody else answers and Fluttershy doesn’t clarify, she replies, “I guess? My Christian knowledge is pretty rusty.”

“That’s alright,” Fluttershy smiles. “I just want you to know I do support you. Thank you for trusting us with this.”

“Thank you, Fluttershy.” Applejack smiles.

Pinkie squeals. “Ee! Friendship moment!”

Applejack and Fluttershy each look at Pinkie fondly.

Then Applejack turns pink.

“Er, speaking of.” Applejack fidgets with her hair. “Rarity, I know it didn’t work out the last time I was in a church, but I was wondering if maybe I could be your plus one sometime?” She pulls her hat over her forehead awkwardly. “You know. Just the two of us, your church?”

“Hmm?” Rarity looks dumbfounded for a moment and then blushes. “I can’t quite tell if you’re trying to convert to Catholicism or finally ask me out.”

Applejack blushes in response. She scratches her neck. “I mean, I guess, I’m not opposed, in principle… Ahem. Does this weekend work for you?”

Rarity smiles and blows a kiss across the table. “It’s a date.”

“Alrighty.” Applejack averts her gaze. Her face looks like it’s about to catch fire.

“Wow,” Rainbow snorts. “Get a room, you two.”

“Aww, Dashie, don’t be a spoil sport.” Pinkie elbows her.

Rainbow relents. “You guys are all pretty gay, huh?”

Fluttershy smiles. “And pretty religious.”

I smile too. “Before this week, I wasn’t sure that humans could be both. I guess I’m learning a lot.”

Applejack’s cheeks seem to have recovered to their regular orange. “You and me both, Sunset.”

Fluttershy says, “I don’t know about you all, but right now I feel full of the Holy Spirit.”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“It feels like a special moment. For you, for Applejack and Rarity, for all of us as friends,” she says. “I can feel the presence of God.”

“Wow.” I take in a deep breath. I won’t pretend I feel the presence of God myself, but for the first time since Saturday, I do feel at ease. “I know my journey is different from yours, but we’re all on different journeys. Maybe we’ll all get to the same place in the end.”

Fluttershy smiles.

“And we’ll be together the whole way.”

Thursday

I am alone.

I am home, but I am alone.

Home.

When did this place become my home? This cluttered, rent controlled apartment in a dodgy neighbourhood of Canterlot?

No, not the Canterlot. Human Canterlot.

When did this human city become just “Canterlot” to me?

Focus, Sunset.

I am not alone.

I am by myself, but I am not alone. I am with God. Maybe.

That assumes God exists. Which Rainbow makes a decent case that he doesn’t, although Twilight is convincing that he does.

It also assumes that if God exists, God cares to accompany randos like me, something Twilight doesn’t seem to believe. That’s the thing about omnipresence. Just because God can be everywhere doesn’t mean God wants to be or necessarily is.

What if I summoned God, though? The way a pony might summon Discord? Say his name, make a fuss, then exclaim “draconequus”?

What right do I have to summon God?

Or Discord, for that matter?

What if Discord is God? Horrible, unworthy of praise, God? A being so cruel that he created Earth and Equestria as a joke, and made them both so horrible in their own ways we would have no excuse but to turn to prayer to assuage our misery? Fluttershy said something about the devil. What if God is the devil?

Oh God. I’m going to hell for thinking that. If hell is real. Which most of my friends think it’s not. So I’m probably safe. Maybe.

Focus, Sunset.

I don’t pray.

I don’t know if I’m doing it right.

No, I know I’m doing it wrong.

Like I’m doing everything else wrong.

I’m a failure.

My inability to shut up and believe anything is my latest failure.

I can’t believe that God exists. No evidence.

I can’t believe that God doesn’t exist. No proof.

I can’t believe it doesn’t matter what I believe. The stakes are too high.

Focus, Sunset.

I need evidence. Proof.

Theology. Theory.

Logic.

Analysis.

Philosophy.

Introduction to French.

…Why am I listing my schedule?

Focus, Sunset.

I need evidence.

In some drug-addled irony, my only friend with even the illusion of direct evidence backing up her belief is Pinkie Pie. Doesn’t everybody else who makes strong truth claims rely on their emotions? Don’t they believe what they want to be true, not what they know to be true? That doesn’t mean they’re wrong, but I can’t know that they’re right.

That would be easier for me, wouldn’t it? Being able to believe or not believe without asking questions because I want to believe. Knowing what to believe because everybody told me, all of my friends a unified front. Being able to choose just one friend to follow. Any friend, any belief, so long as I commit.

That’s never been my style.

Focus, Sunset.

Other Sunsets flash before me.

Sunset Shimmer, Shkia bat Avraham v’Sarah, under a chuppah with Twilight Sparkle, Dimdum bat Or V’ketifa. Winter Brown is in a wheelchair and can’t seem to hear much, but his smile is unmistakable. Bubbe Sparkle cries tears of joy in the audience as the ketubah is signed, sealing my marriage to Twilight. The two of us break glass together, and I hear Rarity scream, “Mazel tov!”

Sunset Shimmer, visiting the Vatican with Rarity. Despite never having been myself, I play Rarity’s personal tour guide. I, for one, did extensive research before we came. I feel God near me in the holy city. I had my doubts, but in that moment – feeling Christ near – I realize I was meant to be a Catholic. I never doubt again.

Sunset Shimmer, water splashing on my face from above, newly baptized. Fluttershy is close by, smiling, Twilight and Rarity on either side. Twilight looks around the church, bouncing her leg with a rigid gaze. But then her eyes catch mine and her stress melts away into a genuine smile, wider than Fluttershy’s, and I know everything will be okay. I have accepted Jesus into my heart, for He is my Saviour. Hallelujah!

Sunset Shimmer, delivering an incendiary keynote arguing that true healing from the wounds of religion only starts when we liberate ourselves from faith. Applejack applauds alone in the audience, a tear streaming down her face. I’m fighting for a just world, a world that puts people over fairy tales, taking up the mantle that religion failed. In this crowd, not in the pews, I find the people who thirst for righteousness, the pure in heart, the peacekeepers. I know how evil religion can be. I saw first hand religion tear apart my best friends. After all, there are words someone can say but never take back. It’s too late for my friends, but it’s not too late for the rest of the world. I am in my element, and I know I am healing the wounded. I may not be happy, but I am fulfilled.

Sunset Shimmer, chillaxing on the beach without a care in the world. Enjoying life for all it’s worth while I can. Looking up at the sky and seeing only clouds. To my left, Applejack whispers something in Rarity’s ear that makes them both turn red. To my right, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash face off at volleyball like they did when we were kids. It doesn’t seem that either has aged a day. Aging needs stress, doesn’t it? Fluttershy stares out onto the water, quiet, contemplative, happy. Twilight sneaks a kiss on my face. It’s picturesque, and I know there’s no better time to get down on one knee and ask Twilight to marry me. She says yes! For the eigteenth time this month.

Sunset Shimmer, encountering the divine with Pinkie Pie. We have a special Pinkie snack, and she guides my soul towards a holy wall. I don’t see much, but I feel a light. I don’t know what religion I believe anymore, but these spirits, I see them. They see me. I try to smile, and I feel them smile back. I am drawn to the light, and knowing that the light was near all along, I am content in my quest for answers. Until the next day when I wake up on Pinkie’s couch, hungover from too many spirits.

I wanted to see the light, but now I see six lights, and they are all too bright. Like the people in Plato’s cave, I want to shut my eyes again.

Unfortunately, there are yet more Sunsets.

Sunset Shimmer, meditating. Calm, at peace, following the Middle Way. I am one with the air around me.

Sunset Shimmer, forever restless, forever seeking. I am never quite satisfied, but I’m never quite unhappy. I spend a lifetime with Twilight yearning for answers. She is all I find.

Sunset Shimmer, reuniting with my parents in Equestria. They aren’t expecting me when I knock on their door, crying for forgiveness. They embrace me and start crying too. Within each of my human friends, I see the Light. Indeed, in the bond I share with my Twilight, I see Sunlight. I was born a Solarist and vow to die one too. It isn’t easy to make up for lost time with my parents. It isn’t easy to forgive them for the way they treated me as a child. It isn’t easy for them to accept our differences of Solarist doctrine, particularly around their belief in the divinity of the Princess. But we are family. I need my family, just as the Moon needs the Sun. Even though I return to my home with Twilight, I promise to visit them. Nothing will break us apart again.

I look away from the Sunsets to come.

I don’t know if any of them are real.

Maybe all of them are real.

Maybe the questions matter more than the answers.

Focus, Sunset.

I see a white light.

No, it isn’t a white light.

It is six lights in a rainbow of colours, split from a prism.

But in the distance, they merge to white.

Author's Note

Afterword

Sunday

“I’m so glad you came, Sunset.”

Wearing a plain dress, casual by business standards but more formal than her day-to-day attire, Fluttershy waves from the curb as I park my motorcycle outside Canterlot Presbyterian Church. I approach her, and she outstretches her arms to hug me. I return the affection with a warm smile. “I wouldn’t miss it.”

She beams, and in her light, it is difficult to admit I’m here as a student and a skeptic, not a believer. She breaks off the hug and tells me, “We have a little while before the service starts.”

That’s odd. I grab my phone from my pocket and click it on. 9:45. “But I’m on time.” As proof, I turn my phone to let her see the lock screen.

She smiles gently. “I wanted to make sure we would have time to chat.”

“Oh,” I say, powering off my phone for the morning and putting it away. “Alright. What about?”

“I guess that’s up to you.” Fluttershy looks away submissively. “But I’d love to know what led you here.”

I pause. Twilight understood my journey from the inception, and Rarity didn’t need to ask so bluntly. The words don’t come easily.

“I guess I’m searching,” I say.

Fluttershy nods in silence.

“Searching for answers. I’m an interdimensional immigrant, right? I’ve spent my life running. Running towards achievement, running away from punishment. I don’t know what the point is anymore.”

Fluttershy smiles slightly. “Do you want my help finding those answers?”

“I think so.” Tired of standing, I sit down on the curb, and Fluttershy follows suit beside me. “I’ve learned that friendship is usually the answer, so I’m hoping you girls can help me find my way.”

“I hope so, too.”

I furl my brow. “How about you? Why do you go to church?”

“I’m a Christian,” she laughs.

“Okay, okay.” I raise my hands in front of my chest. “Why are you a Christian? I guess your family took you to church as a kid?”

Her smile wavers. “No, my family isn’t really religious. I became a Christian in high school, before we were friends. Like you, I was searching for answers. Volunteering at the shelter, I’ve seen so many helpless little animals pass away. Some from age, some from illness, some from injury. I agonized over each one. It became too much for me.”

Fluttershy paused, spacing off.

“Then I met my friend Tree Hugger, who showed me the truth.”

“The truth?”

“The truth about God’s love, God’s mercy, and God’s justice. She introduced me to the Word of God: the Bible. The Gospel is for humans, not other animals, but I learned that death is nothing to resent or fear. That made my work at the animal shelter easier,” she explains. “Oh, and I upped my volunteer hours. The Bible teaches charity, after all.”

I beam. “That’s great.”

She nods, evidently proud of herself. “Ever since I accepted God’s grace, I’ve dedicated my life to Jesus. I’m lucky. Not everyone has that privilege.”

I tilt my head but don’t say anything.

“I am eternally grateful that God brought Tree Hugger into my life,” she says, then looks away. “I am grateful He brought you into my life, too.”

“Aww, that’s so sweet.” I hope I don’t sound saccharine or patronizing. “So, what about your family?”

Fluttershy hesitates. “We did have a Christmas tree growing up. Santa always came for me. He sometimes even came for my brother.” We both snicker at that. “But we didn’t celebrate Christmas.”

I tilt my head. “Family, gifts, and a tree. That sounds like a traditional Hearth’s Warming Eve to me. And I thought Christmas was just Hearth’s Warming Eve for humans.”

She giggles. “It is traditional, and maybe that’s all there is to Hearth’s Warming Eve. But at its heart, Christmas isn’t about the gifts or the tree.”

I recall how Twilight and Rarity relate to religion. “It’s about the family.”

She nods with a small shrug. “The family… and the birth of Jesus Christ.” She gasps and covers her mouth. “I didn’t even think, with you coming from Equestria… Do you know who Jesus is?”

It would be hard not to, living in this world. Passing human history classes. Attending church with Rarity. “He’s the founder of Christianity, right? And… also the Christian God, somehow?”

“Sort of.” Fluttershy shakes her head, but instead of appearing judgemental, she seems pleased to have the opportunity to teach me something. “Do you want to learn about Jesus?”

I hesitate, then nod. “I think so. I mean, it’s why I’m here. Why are you asking?”

“I’ve learned some people don’t like to talk about God.” She seems small, distant. “It doesn’t seem kind to force them.”

“Ah.” I chuckle and give her a thumbs-up. “Do your worst.”

She smiles with her eyes but seems uneasy as she explains, “Thousands of years ago, the Holy Spirit performed a miracle, causing the Virgin Mary to conceive. Mary gave birth in Bethlehem to Jesus Christ, the Son of God. On Christmas, we celebrate His birth.”

I briefly wonder if anyone really believed Mary was a virgin after she gave birth. I bite my tongue and just comment, “That doesn’t sound like Hearth’s Warming Eve at all.”

She chuckles and continues. “As an adult, Jesus travelled, providing ministry to the people around Him. He helped people, like miraculously curing their illnesses. He also gave advice on how they should live their lives, like in His Sermon on the Mount. He gained many followers during his ministry.”

“Magical guy curing disease? Without Equestrian magic? Yeah, it does sound like he would become pretty popular.”

She shakes her head. “Unfortunately, He was not popular with the Jewish and Roman authorities. He was sentenced to death and executed by hanging on a Cross. He knew this would happen, but He also knew how important His death would be, so He selflessly allowed it to come. Jesus died on the Cross side-by-side with two thieves. A soldier even stuck a spear in Him, just to check that He really was dead.”

“Oh my.” My jaw drops a bit. It’s rare to hear Fluttershy talk so calmly about violence.

But then she smiles. “Three days later, Jesus was resurrected from the dead. It turns out you can’t kill God,” she adds to my amusement. “After His resurrection, Jesus told the first Christians to tell everyone about the miracle. To make everyone in the world a Christian, and to make everyone behave righteously, the way Jesus Christ told us.”

I recall learning about the Crusades, how far human Christians have gone to fulfill that goal. How much blood has been spilled in the name of conversion.

“So that’s why Christians proselytize?” I wink. “Like you’re doing now?”

“Um, that is one reason,” she agrees, somewhat uncomfortably. “But also because we care about you, and we want you to be saved.”

I tilt my head. “Saved from what?”

“Your sins.” Fluttershy’s face grows rigid, serious. She looks me straight on. “Sunset. You of all people know how much evil humans do… and how important forgiveness is.”

My memories flicker through my mind, memories from my days of betraying Equestria and terrorizing defenceless high school students. “Yes. I know what I’ve done.”

“Not just you,” Fluttershy adds, “and not just in the past. Do you think that you’re a perfect person now?”

“No.” I droop my head in defeat. “I’m not. I know that I still suck. You don’t have to rub it in. But I’m trying, Fluttershy. Look at how much I’ve improved as a person since Princess Twilight set me straight. Yeah, I still lose my temper sometimes, and I guess I can still be pretty selfish. But I’m trying. Isn’t that enough?”

She shakes her head. “No, unfortunately it’s not. Unless you’re perfect, you’re a sinner. Just like me, and just like everyone else. And without forgiveness, we are punished for our sins.”

“No,” I respond indignantly. “No way. Look, if I’m going to be punished for the things I’ve done… Yeah, fine, I can see it. I deserve it. But you? You’re the kindest person I know. What kind of evil God would punish you?”

“Right, that’s the bad news.” She nods gravely. “Maybe you want to hear the good news?”

“Humour me.”

“Jesus Christ died to save you from your sins. His forgiveness and His grace are absolute, if you accept them.”

“Really?” My eyebrow shoots up. “Jesus died just for me?”

“You,” she laughs, “and the rest of humanity.”

“Ah, that does make more sense.” I smile. “So how do I get forgiveness? I did ask a lot of people to forgive me after the Fall Formal. Didn’t that count?”

“Maybe it did count for what you did at the Fall Formal, but nothing since then. But mostly, it’s God’s forgiveness you need.”

“Not Jesus’s?”

“Jesus is God.”

I frown. “Now I’m confused. I thought you said he was the son of God. How can God be his own son? Unless there are multiple gods?”

“There’s only one God.” She smiles. “It is a little tricky. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are all God. Imagine you’re a cartoon character, living in a flat world, and there’s a cube in front of you. The cube is spun to show three different sides. What do you think?”

“I guess I would think there are three different squares. Ridiculous example, though. I’m not a cartoon character.”

“Well, yes. Point is, it’s all the same cube. Like God.”

“God is a cube?” I laugh.

She laughs with me. “It’s just a metaphor.”

I consider what Fluttershy is telling me, about the life of Jesus, and his apparent ability to save me. I don’t know if she’s right about God, but she is right about something:

I need forgiveness.

“Do you really think that God would forgive me? After everything I’ve done?”

“Sunset.” She rests her hand on my shoulder. “I’m certain He will.”

I remember something I learned about Christianity. Something I learned the hard way from a rude Crystal Prep student who bumped into Twilight when we were walking downtown together.

I grimace at the memory. “Someone said God hates ho– God hates people being gay.” I bite my lip, look around the church, and lower my voice. “I’m bi, Fluttershy.”

She shakes her head. “That’s not a problem. Everyone can be saved. Even the good thief next to Jesus on the cross went to Heaven, because he had faith.”

“But why?” I compress my eyes. “Why would God save a thief? Or me, for the matter?”

“Nothing we do could make us worthy of salvation, but God saves us out of love.” Fluttershy smiles. “Jesus is the Son of God, but we are all God’s children. God loves all of His children, you included.”

I give a cheeky grin. “Not just all humans? Need I remind you I’m a pony?”

“I’m sure God loves everyone in Equestria, too,” she says, “I admit that learning about Equestria and experiencing magic first hand have tested my faith. But God’s power is absolute. If there is Equestrian magic, it’s because God created magic. I like to think our geodes are gifts from God, to serve some grander purpose for Him someday.” She smiles at the thought. “Our friendship has taught me that just because everything in the Bible is true, not all of it can be understood literally.”

I bite my lip. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I’ve never heard of a pony Jesus. Does that mean that nobody in Equestria is saved?”

“I don’t know,” she frowns. “Even before Jesus was born on Earth, righteous humans were saved by faith in God, so maybe that’s part of it. Maybe pony Jesus is still coming. No matter what, I’m sure God has a plan for Equestria. Just like He has a plan for you.”

It’s a comforting thought. It almost seems too easy.

Nothing in my life has ever been easy.

I doubt God plans to change that for me just yet.

“What about our friends?” I ask. “If you’re right… won’t they be punished for not believing?” I suck in a breath. “What about Twilight?”

“I don’t know, Sunset.” Fluttershy turns downcast. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” I do my best to suppress my anger. She doesn’t seem to notice.

She does hesitate. “Each of us is on our own path. Only God knows what lies ahead for each of us. I pray that He will reveal Himself to each of our friends in due time, and that they will accept His grace.”

“Otherwise…?”

She looks at me, frowns, and shakes her head. She doesn’t say anything, and she doesn’t need to.

“Right.” I sigh.

“It’s not my place to tell them what to do, just like it’s not my place to tell you what to do. You have to find your own way in the world.” She smiles slightly. “But you did ask to come to church with me, and I’m so happy you did. I think that means God has answered one of my prayers.”

I turn my head, oddly touched. “You prayed for me?”

“Of course. I pray for all of our friends,” she replies. “Our enemies, too. Sometimes I pray for strangers. Everyone deserves someone to pray for them.”

I’m not sure I follow, but I say, “That’s kind of you.”

As our conversation winds down, there is a noticeable influx of churchgoers arriving and entering the building. Fluttershy and I stand up. “The service will start in a few minutes,” she tells me.

“Alright,” I reply. “Hey, Fluttershy?”

“Yes, Sunset?”

“Thank you.”

We hug.

“Any time, Sunset. Any time.”