Butt Pirates

by Jellote

Rating: mature
Tags: Applejack, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Other, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Sex
Length: 2031

Celestia makes piracy illegal, and her marines are happy with this. Pirate rape ensues.

Celestia, being a troll, makes piracy illegal. Because of this, her marines are given free range, and begin persecuting anyone that may or may not be a pirate. But then humens from the humen show up and then everything's okay. They also turn Applejack into their sex slave.

A horrible fanfic by Keith. Yep. That's my story and I'm sticking with it.

Published 2012-09-16 12:54:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-02 22:01:17 UTC

Explosition

If you don't appreciate the allure of pirates, get out. Seriously, stop the internet right now; there's something wrong with you. I mean, what's not to like about them? They're steal stuff from the government, they wear fake limbs (god that's hawt), they ravish innocent women, and they get drunk a lot. In fact, that's how this story is going to be written. I will go ahead and drink with these merry men and their pet horse. It's the least I owe myself after writing all those fanfics of this awful show.

Here's how the story goes, we find out 'bout the fact that piracy is now illegal in Equestria. For some bizarre reason, the evil tyrant Celestia decided she would destroy the world's greatest profession, solely because it amused her. Her wiser Jewish sister Luna protested to the injustice of this law, but was sent to the moon again for her crimes. A pity, it was, as she alone held the power to resist her sister's reign over the universe.

With this new decree passed, her royal Aryan legions wasted no time enforcing its horrid policies. The winged hordes took to the skies, and seized control of the various city-states across the continent. Sea-faring vessels were hogtied midair and dragged into harbor, wherein anyone guilty of piracy was impaled upon a horn with extreme prejudice. (AN: So I was recently told that winged unicorns are supposed to be exclusive to the god characters. I don't care.)

In the quiet town of Ponyville -- quiet unless you count the nonstop orgy that had been blazing in town square since its creation -- there was no access to the ocean. The residents thought they would be safe from the new act, and continued fucking and singing as if nothing had happened. How wrong they were.

One morning, a young yellow-coated mare was gathering flowers by the brook. Over her shoulders she carrried a basket, a rosey saddle holding it in place. The girl knelt and began daintily chewing a rose. Such a sweet aroma it had, despite its bitter taste. This was nature at its finest.

From the river, a periscope rised. It surveyed the area, looking for unlawful privateers. Seeing none, it set its sights on the first moving thing in sight. That was, of course, that one yellow thing that the fandom loves for some reason. The periscope retracted, and from the stream came of Comvee from The Wild Thornberries. Its metallic wheels lifted it onto the shore, and it unfolded to reveal a clown car. From each door filed out an unnumerable number of royal gaurds.

The one yellow winged horse thing started to panic, and galloped towards town. Before it could, a steel spoke launched through the back of its neck and out the windpipe. The filly gasped for air, but was quickly gagged as the spike split into four, and clenched at her face. Out of her peripheral vision, the Long Haired Freaky Pony saw a marine ali/pegacorn wielding a Link's hookshot. He slackened his grip on the trigger, drawing in the chain. The still-struggling equine made its best effort to break free, or at least break its own neck and end the pain, but found itself in the arms of its attacker.

"Hehe, guys, look at this," Celestia's marine snickered, "I think this one might be pirate this time. What do you think, we should check this out?"

There was an uproarious cry of approval, and the horny horned horses gathered around the character who, at this point, the reader assumed to be Fluttershy, but really wasn't, and was in fact named Charles Hampton Keith OC Sabrelord "Fluttershy" Smith Jr PhD Esq MD DeDeDe DDS XII, who went by his transgendered nickname and thus happened to look, sound and act like a stranger wtih the same name. He also had a vagina.

The marines went on to partake in the standard procedure of checking if the person at hand was a pirate, which mostly involved seventeen penises being inserted into the nearest orifice. Then, to further the punishment, a spell would be cast over the victim. Twilight Sparkle's patented brand of futa magic would be used to create a penis anywhere on the victim's skin, and that includes on the tip of an existing penis. The spell was cast, and Fluttershy was turned into a hermaphrodite.

And now for an out-of-place history lesson. In Greek mythology, a major inspiration for the My Little Pony mythos, two dieties ended up having a lovechild. These gods were Aphrodite, the goddess of love, and Hermes, the goddess of dimension. Fittingly, Hermes penetrated Aphrodite's dimensions, and they had a divine child. Because the Greeks were lazy, they just combined the names of the parents to create the name Hermaphroditus, a very pretty bishie man. He was later turned into an androgenous mashup of both genders, because Greek gods were petty like that. My head-canon says that he's Rainbow Dash's secret lover.

Fluttershy was pinned down by a guard. He held her shoulders to the dirt, and lay over her menacing. Her two sets of genitalia were growing smaller, as if to hide themselves, but the girl's struggling only made the attacker harder. He considered raping her on the grass, right there, and be done with it, but decided that wasn't enough. He had already muted her and caused her horrific bleeding; there must be more humiliation he could inflict.

Then, he got an idea. Lifting one of his forelegs off Fluttershy, who made no attempt to fight away, and began scraping at the dirt. Sure enough, he found a worm burrowing through the mulch. The guard gave a wicked smile and waved the worm in front of the girl's face. He knew exactly what he was going to do with that worm.

The guard slid himself Fluttershy's body, until his head was level with her groin. Fluttershy relaxed her joints; perhaps is this horrible man was no planning on ravishing her, she could take whatever was going to happen. His hooves began to massage her thighs, gently and staying far from any uncomfortable areas. Yes, this may be fun.

This was all according to plan. The gaurd gave a knowing look to the viewer, and began licking the backs of his teeth. He brought down his head to the newly grown penis upon the yellow creature's flesh, and held his mouth over the helmet. Fluttershy felt his warm breath as both a fearful (FEARFUL) warning and an omen of incoming bliss. The marine's tongue moved out, and met the ejacu-hole. He stimulated the urethra pleasantly, so as to drive Fluttershy to an easy orgasm. The penis began to open in preparation of expelling a very small load, giving the gaurd/marine/male character all the time he needed.

He reached back for his worm (not his penis, he has masturbated on the sub on the way there), and replaced his tongue with it. The worm began to spasm madly, its head being covered by something resembling another worm's mouth. In its fear, it tried to retreat, but the gaurd forced it forward. The worm slid further and further into Fluttershy's shaft, writhing and wriggling inside her. Fluttershy began to panic, and her damaged throat began expelling blood faster and faster. Her incoming orgasm drove her to a heightened heartbeat, forcing more blood out until anything resembling iron-flavored red liquid in her body had esacped. The girl was no more, but even still, the wormy intruder struggled for life, until it too choked and died.

The marines congratulated their genius new member on a job well done. He had tried and punished a potential pirate, the goal of any aspiring leader of the guard. One day, he might even join a DND party where he would play a frail old man. Along with a pedophilic necromancer and an undead babby, they'd go on a quest to Manehatten and beat up mobsters.

They retreated to their submarine, the HMS Blue Fifty, and set their sights on Ponyville, where hundreds of maybe-pirates might be lying.

The moral of the story: I know that with this burning passion driving me, I know someday, somewhere, I'll finally see the light I have searched for everywhere.

Vietnamese Filler

== Jellote's Note: while this story was called buttpirates2.doc in Keith's folder, it seemingly has no connection to the story arc. It is being uploaded for completeness and humor ==

Authors, the alcohol is the greatest friend of a man to drink while correct nonfiction. Because you will never realize its me mods, in the hope that it poses to Canter Hanson devastated by my side account, anyway IM, Elliott, this story! The Hashanah! 9-23-11

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