Defeat a Villain for Extra Credit
"Everything is coming to plan!" Baron Von Evil gushed while rubbing the thick and totally-not-tacky goatee that ran down his chin. His mom told him it made ponies think he had a badger on his muzzle and needed to shave, but the white unicorn was too evil to care about good grooming. He and his minions sat around a red wooden table covered with candles that created a shadow effect that obscured the upper half of their faces. His mom also warned him that placing too many candles on a wooden table constituted a fire hazard, but evil villains didn't need to concern themselves with fire hazards.
"SOON, WE SHALL CONQUER ALL OF EQUESTRIA!" Baron Von Evil bellowed to his minions. "And nothing shall interrupt our plans-" Baron Von Evil paused as their plans were suddenly interrupted by a knock on the door. "Somepony is gonna get that," Baron Von Evil muttered with a growl to his lackeys. His evil minions merely gave him an expectant look. With a growl, the white-coated stallion got up from his evil chair and wandered over to the evil entrance to his evil lair. "Whatever happened to manners?" Baron Von Evil fumed.
"What manners?" One of his minions asked. "We're evil, remember?" Baron Von Evil paused and slightly nodded, silently conceding his minion's point. He marched over to the door, opened it, and glared at the interloper.
"WHO DARES DISTURB THE PLANS OF PRINCE VON EVIL!" Baron Von Evil grumbled.
"I thought your name was Baron Von E-"
"Who asked you!?" Baron Von Evil bellowed, looking back toward one of his annoying minions before looking back toward the entrance. The white stallion looked around only to see nopony in his line of vision until he heard a slight cough. He looked down and saw a little pink pegasus filly with orange hair in a Filly Scout uniform.
"Hello, good sir!" The filly chirped, her wings buzzing with energy. "I'm from the-," she paused, staring at him in confusion. "Do you realize that it is dangerous to have badgers on your face?" She asked in a sweetly concerned voice that raised Baron Von Evil's blood pressure.
Baron Von Evil let out an annoyed growl. "It's not a badger! It is a goatee. It reflects my power-,"
"How would you like to support the Filly Scouts?" She asked while holding up a box of cookies. "And buy a box of Mint Hooves?" The filly paused as the white stallion's minions approached the door, all of them looking at her with enormous hatred and distaste.
"An intruder has uncovered our plans?" One of them said. "Shall we annihilate her, Prince Von Evil?!"
"I AM BARON VON EVIL! HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU I HAVE TO TELL YOU!" The white unicorn yelled before turning his malicious gaze back toward the filly who was sweating bullets.
"I'm sorry, sir, I must have come at the wrong time," the Filly Scout stammered in fear. "Maybe I should-" but before the filly could escape, she was trapped in Baron Von Evil's telekinetic grasp.
"No, I cannot allow you to leave," the unicorn declared. "You must pay the ultimate price for your insolence."
"Death?!" Filly squealed with terror in her eyes.
"No, something much worse." Before the Filly Scout could realize it, she found her uniform shoved over her head, her box of Mint Hooves was ripped out of her forearms, and she was thrown into a nearby trashcan.
"SIKE!" Baron Von Evil yelled before he and his minions cackled at the filly's suffering. "Oh, what a crybaby," Baron Von Evil bellowed nastily as the filly whimpered while pulling herself out of the trashcan. The door to their headquarters slammed shut.
Once the filly was alone, her whimpers descended into a triumphant snicker. "And the award for best actor goes to...me!"
Baron Von Evil and his minions enjoyed their ill-gotten gains while talking about their plans for taking over Equestria. "Once we take Canterlot Castle," Baron Von Evil muttered with glee, "we shall-"
"Canterlot Royal Guard!" An authoritative male voice bellowed on the other side of the door. "OPEN UP!"
Baron Von Evil and his minions were stunned. "Who dares defy my plans!"
"Canterlot Royal Guard." The voice repeated with some annoyance. "We told you that a second ago, didn't we?"
"Oh right," Baron Von Evil muttered. "Sorry, it's hard to hear you through an iron door." Soon the door burst open, and a pair of Royal Guards, a brown unicorn stallion, and a white pegasus stallion trotted in with stern expressions.
"Who is Baron Von Evil, Storm Cloud?!" The black unicorn asked his comrade-in-hooves.
"The one with the badger on his face, Horn Breaker!" The white pegasus stallion replied while glaring contemptuously at the white unicorn.
The white unicorn bristled at the threat. "Celestia's pathetic little bodyguards will not defy me!" Baron Von Evil bellowed as his horn lit up an angry red while his minions prepared to battle. "And I do not have a badger on my face!" the two guards look remotely frightened by Baron Von Evil and goons despite being outnumbered.
"I'm giving all of you a chance to surrender!" Storm Cloud ordered.
"So come quietly or else!" Hornbreaker said in a quiet voice.
"Or else what?" One of the minions sneered. "You're going to send us to Tartarus! Duke Von Evil-"
"Baron Von Evil!"
"Baron Von Evil doesn't bow to pathetic little servants like you!"
Horn Breaker smirked at the stallion's bluster. "I was giving you all chance to surrender, but I was hoping you'd say something like that," he used his magic to reach into one of his saddlebags, "because it means I can use this."
"What-" Baron began, only to see the black unicorn pull out a silver-colored whistle with his magic. "Oh, a whistle!" Baron Von Evil yelled sarcastically while his minions sneered at the royal guard. The brown warrior gave them a look of contempt and pity before he blew on it. "What are you gonna do, end gym class-,"
"Snow Blower!" A shrill, angry, and motherly voice. Baron Von Evil's bluster collapsed into fear while his minion's started shaking in terror.
"Mommy!" Snow Blower muttered with a shiver. He growled impotently at the pair of royal guards who gave him a smug sneer.
"You may come in, Blueberry Pie!" Storm Cloud said with a cheeky smile.
His minions and their loyalty suddenly evaporated in the face of maternal rage. "Sorry, dude," one of them said regrettably, "you're on your own-"
"None of you are going anywhere!" The mare bellowed to the other stallions as she stomped inside. Blueberry Pie was a unicorn mare with a blue coat and an orange mane in a beehive hairdo. She wore a yellow apron, and she had a cutie mark in the shape of a bowling pin and a blueberry pie. She turned her gaze to her whimpering son. "You told me this wasn't a lair designed for world domination!"
Snow Blower gulped. "But-,"
"And I told you to shave that goatee. It looks hideous!"
"But mommy!" Snow Blower protested. "My badger-I mean goatee-makes me look super rad!" The white unicorn cringed at his goons' barely stifled laughter over his slip of the tongue.
"It makes you look like you beg for loose change!" Blueberry bellowed in a rage. "And I told you these candles were a fire hazard!" Snow Blower and buddies endured a massive tirade from Blueberry Pie. By the time the rant was over, the teenagers were left tired, scared, and sweating in fear after several minutes of yelling.
"All of you will be scrubbing pots and pans for the next three days!" Blueberry Pie
Snow Blower and buddies let out squeals of terror. "Please take us to Tartarus!" One of the teenage colts begged the royal guards. "Please don't leave us with her!" The two guards gave the pathetic colt an expression of barely contained glee at their plight.
Snow Blower turned with fear and terror to the two royal guards. "How did you even know of your diabolical plans?" He asked in a defeated voice.
His mother sneered at him. "Look inside the cookie box, sweetie poo!" Snow Blower looked inside, and to the shock of him and his pals, they found a blue spying charm in the box.
"The..the filly scout!" The teenage stallion muttered in shock.
"That's right!" The mare, the teenaged buffoons, and the guards looked back at the entrance to see the Filly Scout sneering at them.
"You!" Snow Blower snarled at the fake Filly Scout.
The filly tossed off the orange wig, revealing blue curls underneath. "Yes, it is I who foiled your plans!" She declared dramatically.
The teenage ponies stared at her blankly. "Wait, who are you?" Snow Blower asked with narrowed eyes.
Cozy Glow looked at the ponies with an annoyed frown. "You know, Cozy Glow?" The colts just stared at her blankly. "You know, the filly who nearly conquered Equestria?"
"Sorry doesn't ring a bell." Snow Blower said with a shrug.
Cozy Glow stomped her hoof in dismay. "It was last week, c'mon!" Before she could continue, the two Royal Guards approached her with proud expressions. Blueberry Pie also looked at the little filly with gratitude for having saved her moronic offspring at his friends from ruining their lives.
"Cozy Glow, you have done Equestria a great service!" Horn Breaker said with honest pride and gratitude in his voice.
"Your great deeds shall be lauded for generations by Equestria!" Storm Cloud said in a righteous tone.
"Aaaaaand?" Cozy Glow said with a raised eyebrow and an opportunistic grin.
Storm Cloud rolled his eyes and sighed. "We'll make sure Starlight gives you triple extra credit," Horn Breaker muttered.
Cozy Glow smiled triumphantly. "I was only too happy to help," Cozy said in a voice that was all too self-congratulatory. But underneath her self-serving expression, did Cozy Glow feel the joy of helping others, the pride and righteous sense of self that came from defending Equestria, the personal fulfillment from doing the right thing-
"You're all gonna be busting your flanks for this stunt, you stupid foals!" Blueberry bellowed at her ungrateful son and his idiot friends.
Nah.
If Cozy Glow was honest with herself, she was just relieved to be on the other side of this situation for once, taking glee in watching Snow Blower and his goons as an angry mother shrieked at them.
"Mommy, mommy." Sweet Roll turned away from the batter she was stirring to see her little filly flying toward her with an excited expression. "I defeated an evil villain and saved Equestria!" Cozy chirped happily.
Sweet Roll pulled her little filly into a proud hug. "Sweetie, that's great."
"Ms. Glimmer gave me triple extra credit and a gold star," Cozy Glow, proudly holding up the paper from the Headmistress like it was a trophy from the Equestria Games.
"That's wonderful," Sweet Roll said, taking the paper and sticking it to the refrigerator, "I'm gonna put it here so I can look at it every day, knowing I have a wonderful filly."
"Your the best mommy ever!" Cozy Glow declared happily.
"Thank you, sweetie!"
"And love you so, so much!"
"And I love you too!" The brown mare declared. Cozy Glow's smile got as wide as the Ghastly Gorge. "Even though you are still grounded." Sweetie Roll smirked as she saw the hopeful expression on Cozy Glow's expression crash into despair. "Now do the dishes."
"But mommy, I saved Equestria," Cozy Glow wailed desperately.
Sweet Roll gave her daughter a sweet smile. "Yes, and it was a nice thing to do." While her smile remained big, her eyes became merciless. "But you still broke your promise to mommy and tried to conquer Equestria again. If I let you off the hook too early, you'll never learn to keep your promises or take me seriously ."
Cozy Glow's expression got even more desperate. "But, but, it has been 48 whole days..."
"Hours," her unimpressed mother replied.
"Same thing," Cozy Glow whined. She gave her mother a sad pout and puppy dog eyes. "But me being evil again was all Discord's idea," she whimpered pitifully. Before Cozy Glow realized it, her tactic to get out of trouble crashed and burned as her mother's unsympathetic expression gave way to apoplectic rage. The Puppy Dog-Pout Tactic was a tried and true tactic in reducing the punishment, and Cozy almost won her mother's sympathy, but by mentioning the name "Discord," she instead aroused her mother's ire. Not towards her specifically, but Sweet Roll was still furious at Discord for manipulating her daughter back into villainy out of a misguided attempt at motivating Princess Twilight. The crazed spirit of chaos endangered Equestria, and Cozy Glow hurt Princess Twilight and ruined Sweet Roll's baking sale with his stunt. While Princess Twilight preached forgiveness, Sweet Roll wasn't planning to have Discord for dinner soon.
"Good little fillies take responsibility for their own choices rather than blame others," Sweet Roll said once she regained composure. "Besides, Mr. Discord is being punished by Tempest Shadow," Sweet Roll added with a viciously angry expression, clearly relishing the Draconequus' punishment, "He won't be getting his magic back until he completes it." Sweet Roll put a hoof under her muzzle as she contemplated something. "Of course, if you don't like my punishment, I could write to Miss Tempest-," Sweet Roll paused as she saw her daughter was no longer there. The brown mare followed the sound of scrubbing to the kitchen and saw Cozy washing the dishes, muttering about unfair life was.
While Sweet Roll wasn't impressed with her daughter trying to worm her way out of punishment, she wasn't disappointed with her daughter either. Sweet Roll acted the same way when she was young. Cozy Glow wasn't doing for good, for goodness sake, but glancing at the excellent report from Ms. Glimmer on the fridge, Sweet Roll was content that her daughter at least knew how to act good, which meant Cozy Glow's future was still hopeful and bright.
At the very least, Cozy wasn't in Discord's horseshoes.
"Can I please be turned to stone!" Discord wailed to his warden. "I can't bear any more of this terror!"
Tempest Shadow's sadistic smirk made Discord realize why this mare was known as the "Scourge of South Lands." Celestia had the decency to feel bad about turning Discord to stone, but if he faced the hornless mare in battle, Tempest wouldn't just make him a rock but happily destroy his statue and dance on the remains. The blue-eyed warlord hadn't subjected him to that because the Storm Kingdom could inflict even crueler fates upon its enemies.
"If you don't like this, you can always work in," Tempest smirked as she savored Discord's eye-widening terror.
"Taxes."
With cold sweat running down his body, Discord rushed through the door, more to escape the pony who managed to outdo him in merciless cruelty than out of enjoyment. The door had a sign above that said "Customer Service." Forcing a professional smile on his face, Discord approached his next customer, or tormentor, depending on your perspective.
"Hello, sir," Discord said with fake joy, "how can I help-"
"My toaster is broken!" The angry old stallion crowed. "I can't-"
"Did you plug it in?" Discord asked in a robotic tone. The former villain barely maintained his composure because he knew he would get the ultimate punishment if he didn't smile.
Overtime.
"I told you it doesn't work!" The old stallion repeated. "What do you get paid for?!"
"I'm not paid."
"That's too good for you," the old stallion barked, "I'm gonna write a letter-" the stallion paused as the falsely calm Discord went over to a nearby outlet and plugged the toaster in causing it to turn on. The old stallion angrily took the toaster away. "I demand a refund for not giving me instructions!"
Discord clenched his bear paw under the counter while maintaining his wooden grin. "The instructions are written on the side of the box, sir!" The angry pony stormed away from him. "Thank you for coming!"
An old pink mare stormed up to the counter. "My microwave doesn't work-,"
"Did you plug it in?" Discord repeated robotically. The mare angrily rebutted him and demanded to speak with Princess Celestia herself, not caring that the white alicorn was preparing for her abdication in a few weeks. Discord looked behind the mare and let out an internal whimper when he saw the line extended for hundreds of ponies.
"Why did I ever want to stop being a statue! He thought miserably.
