Under "Her" Skirt

Version: 1

"What the hell Cadence!?" Chet barked as soon as the pink alicorn sat down.

For her part, the Princess looked more confused than offended. "I beg your pardon?" she asked while professionally folding her hands in her lap.

They were in the conference room where Chet and Twilight normally talked, though the purple pony was not present for this meeting. The man had asked to speak to Cadence as soon as his date with Vanilla was over. However, the Princess of Love had been busy with other matters and couldn't take time to see him for two days. His mood had not improved as a result of the delay.

Chet steamed for a moment then crossed his arms. "My date with Vanilla," he hissed. Princess Cadenza raised a brow expectantly, waiting for him to elaborate. Only when she was sure he had no intention to expand on that did she speak.

"I don't understand, according to Vanilla it went well. So why are you upset?"

Chet huffed. Then the man aggressively ran a hand through his hair. "You talked to her before our date," he accused.

"Yes," the pink pony admitted coolly. "She wanted advice."

"Why didn't I get any advice!?" Chet yelled.

"You didn't ask," Cadence replied matter-of-factly.

Chet glared at the towering mare for several seconds. Neither of them spoke. A clock in the corner ticked. The man sighed and fell back on the pile of bits he used as a chair. He rubbed his face. The alicorn regarded him with concern.

"What's wrong Mr. Bowman?" she asked tenderly, leaning forward.

The human shook his head before meeting her eyes. "I felt so... ambushed. She had it all figured out and I didn't have a clue what I was doing."

"Oh Chet," the Princess cooed, using his first name. "Dates aren't about preparation, they're about honesty. That's all I told her she needed. To be truthful about who she is."

The man massaged his forehead and looked down. "I wasn't ready for that. I should have been. But I wasn't."

"You weren't ready to be honest?" He could hear the disapproval in her voice.

"No," Chet said quickly and waved a hand. "Just... I wasn't ready for such a... serious discussion. I thought it'd be... more relaxed," Chet admitted with a shrug.

Cadence took a moment to consider her next words. "Do you want advice?"

He chuckled sadly. "Yes please."

"Why?"

Chet stared up in confusion. That was the last response he expected. "Because I don't want to screw this up," he explained bluntly.

Princess Cadenza smiled. "So you acknowledge that you want to love Vanilla?"

Chet narrowed his eyes in thought. "Yeah?"

"Good. You've made excellent progress."

"Huh?" he honked. "What do you mean?"

"Have you already forgotten our first meeting? You were quite set against this whole arrangement," Cadence chuckled.

Chet scratched the back of his head and looked away with a blush. "Well she's a nice mare. Understanding and... all that mushy stuff." He faced Cadence again with a tight expression. "And I don't want to hurt her. So I need to do this right. Okay?"

The alicorn hummed approval. "What did you learn from your first date with Vanilla?"

Chet rolled his eyes. She couldn't simply tell him what to do. She just had to be all mysterious. "Vanilla told me about her family and how she came to work at the castle."

Princess Cadenza shook her head. "No Chet. You're focusing on the surface level. Dig deeper. What did you learn about your relationship?"

Chet slumped in his seat. That was a lot tougher. "I don't know. That Vanilla is shy in public spaces? So we shouldn't do things with a lot of other ponies around?"

The mare giggled. "That's a little better."

The man grumbled. "Are you going to help me or not?"

Cadence cleared her throat. "Of course. You seem to be terribly ignorant about relationships, so you need all the help you can get."

Chet huffed. "Yeah yeah."

The pink alicorn sat straighter, a lot like Twilight did before entering lecture mode. "It is my belief that the biggest obstacle for you and Vanilla will be your ability to view each other as individuals. You because Vanilla is so much bigger and is going to have all the physical power. And Vanilla because you are so small and easy to... bully."

The man nodded. "That... makes sense."

"If the two of you are going to form a lasting bond you first need to appreciate that the other is a person with their own history. As Twilight might say, 'each pony is a story being meticulously written page by page, day by day'. There are two main reasons relationships fail, Mr. Bowman." She held up two fingers. "Money and control. For you and Vanilla, money won't be much of an issue. But control will decide if you two are truly compatible."

"Control?" Chet mumbled.

"Tell me, Mr. Bowman, which of you will decide where you go out to eat?"

"Uh, both of us?" It seemed like a completely normal answer.

"What if you can't agree? Then what? Who gets to make the final say?"

Chet bit his lip. "I don't know."

"Wouldn't Vanilla be the ultimate authority? She will be the one carrying you. Will your opinion even matter in the first place?" Cadence challenged with a raised brow and a slight tilt of her head.

The man grimaced. "She wouldn't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because..." Chet's words faded with uncertainty. He had no counter argument.

"She has to see you as a person with thoughts and feelings. If this relationship is finalized, you will be put into her custody. You'll be living together. Then you will be entirely at her mercy, won't you? You'll have to rely on her kindness and understanding. Yes?"

Chet swallowed nervously, but didn't say anything. It was a curt reminder of how vulnerable his small size made him. But would Vanilla really take advantage of that? She seemed so nice.

Cadence nodded somberly. "Control is a problem for even conventional couples. When disagreements arise, many ponies fall into the trap of failing to recognize their partner as just that, an equal. 'My stallion' or 'my mare' sound like romantic phrases, but they can easily lead to a dangerous mindset. It can make one believe and act like another is their property and therefor under their control. The ability to compromise is lost. If a couple has no means of dealing with a stalemate, the relationship might shatter then and there."

"I see," Chet acknowledge while scratching his head. Cadence really was an expert.

The princess sighed. "That is my biggest concern for you and Vanilla. Ultimately, she will get what she wants if the two of you ever get into a fight. Before you two can form a lasting relationship, she will have to prove she knows when to submit to your desires and you will have to learn to trust her."

Chet winced at that. "So what do we do?"

"Build trust, Mr. Bowman. The next step is integration and trust."

"What does that mean? How?" the man threw his hands up.

Cadence sighed again. "You need to prove to yourselves, and each other, that it is possible to be a couple. You need to spend time together that is not strictly talking."

"An activity," Chet translated.

"Correct. Now you need to do something fun. Something that requires cooperation would be best."

"Like what?"

"The best way would be to let Vanilla hold you."

Chet blinked. "What would that do?"

"Prove that you trust her with your life."

"Would... holding me really be that significant?"

Cadence froze, her expression shocked. "You are not afraid of being held by a stranger?"

"Not... really?" Chet answered uncertainly, remembering what he'd told Vanilla during their date about being surrounded by giants who were all eager to help him. The Princess detected his hesitation however and narrowed her eyes skeptically.

"Mr. Bowman, you are not afraid of being held? Of being helpless? Really?"

Chet squirmed. "Well... at first I was. Not so much anymore. I think I got used to it."

Cadence snorted. "You may be human, but you are so like a typical stallion."

"Hey," the man grumbled.

The Princess shook her head and cleared her throat with a cough. "The ponies who always carry you are your guards, correct?"

"Yeah. They escort me wherever," Chet confirmed with a shrug.

"When is the last time a pony other than your guards held you?"

Chet took a moment to think. "I don't know. Twilight held me a bunch at first. Then there were some of the science ponies. That... was uncomfortable," he mumbled as he searched through his memories. Who was the last non-guard to hold him? Twilight?

"I've never held you," Princess Cadenza added smoothly. "Would it be alright if I picked you up now?"

In that moment, Chet was suddenly very aware of how large the alicorn was. His attention was dragged to the angle of his neck and how far back he had to tilt his head just to make eye contact. His brain made him realize how blurry she was despite filling up so much of his vision, further emphasizing her sheer enormity. He was but a speck, an ant, gazing up at a mountain of pink fur and flesh. A thing closer to a goddess. Even waving her hand created a whooshing sound Chet could hear. Her voice was powerful enough that if she was too close he could feel his very bones vibrate. The man suddenly felt afraid.

"No," Chet said with a shiver.

Cadence tilted her head curiously. "Are you alright Mr. Bowman?"

"I'm... fine," he said dismissively and rubbed his arm.

"I've never gotten to hold you, why won't you let me?" she asked in a leading tone. "Did I do something wrong?"

Chet swallowed. He could feel himself sweating. His mind was filled with thoughts of what she could do to him. He knew she'd never hurt him, but...

"Princess Cadence."

"Yes?"

"You made your point. I... I'm afraid of letting you hold me."

Cadenza's ears pinned and she sounded genuinely hurt. "I understand, Mr. Bowman. And I expected as much."

She scooted back in her seat and the two of them were silent as Chet calmed down. After a minute the Princess began to explain what Chet was just starting to realize.

"You feel comfortable with your guards because of familiarity. You don't just consciously know they will keep you safe, you subconsciously know they will keep you safe. It's experience. You were terrified every time they held you in the beginning, weren't you?"

Chet only nodded. She was right. He couldn't deny it. All it took to prove it was her asking if she could hold him. It was disturbing how easily she could see through him.

"I've never carried you before and we haven't spent a lot of time together either. To be held is to put yourself completely at the mercy of another. It requires a tremendous amount of trust. You never noticed how proud your guards are to have earned that from you, did you?"

Chet perked up at that. "Wait, what?"

Cadence smiled. "Your guards take an immense amount of pride in your trust. Whenever they carry you... they feel powerful. And an overwhelming sense of responsibility. They volunteered for the position you know and they enjoy it a great deal. They're very protective of you."

Chet felt his jaw drop at that. "I thought ferrying me around was annoying. Something no one wanted to do."

The Princess chuckled. "The very idea of holding an entire person who is so small, delicate, vulnerable..." her voice and eyes drifted. "It's hard to explain the feeling. I have no doubt Vanilla feels the same way I and many others do about it."

Chet blushed but he wasn't sure why. "You... really want to hold me? Is it really that special?"

Cadence looked away and blushed herself. "Yes. There's just something about the thought of it."

Another silence, this one much more awkward. Again it was Princess Cadenza that eventually ended it.

"That's why you should let Vanilla hold you. It's a sign of trust and I'm certain she wants to."

Chet rubbed his hands together and breathed. "So we should do something fun and... I should let her hold me."

"That's my advice Mr. Bowman," the Princess nodded.

He licked his lips. "Okay. We'll have to arrange another date. A happy one this time."

"Yes. That sounds like a good plan," Cadence smiled.

Chet eyed her for a moment and his mind turned. Now that he thought about it, she had done a lot for him and he had done literally nothing for her. "Princess Cadenza?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks for the advice. You've been a big help with... all this stuff."

She grinned. "Your welcome Chet. It was my pleasure."

"Will it work out?" he blurted. Even he was surprised by his own question.

For a moment her eyes widened and she stared at him. Then Cadence lowered her head, tapped her chin, and her brows creased in concentration. For some reason the action made Chet uneasy. "I won't lie to you Mr. Bowman. Your relationship is unique and it will require determination and effort to make it work. Both of you will have difficult decisions to make. Though Vanilla has already at least partially accepted one of the realities living with you will require."

Size. Cadence was talking about size. Vanilla had already accepted the strains that dealing with Chet's height would put on her. The man nodded. "Yeah, I knew it wasn't going to be simple. But I think I've come to terms with dating a giant."

Cadence looked conflicted. Doubtful. She didn't believe him. And why should she? He'd lied to her and even himself about his fears of being carried. "Mr. Bowman. There is... one great obstacle that you will have to face before your relationship can truly solidify. At best I can offer advice and encouragement, but ultimately it is up to you. Do you love Vanilla or not? Who is she to you? What does your relationship mean?"

The questions hurt a bit. Chet felt like he'd been slapped. That she'd basically called him out as a liar. Which she partially had, though Chet also had to admit to himself that he had sort of lied. It made him feel guilty. He wasn't a bad guy. He didn't want to be anyway.

Chet's shoulders slumped. "I know I don't really love Vanilla, not yet that is. You can't really love someone you don't know that well. But I want to. And if I want it then I can make it happen." He blushed as soon as he said that. How embarrassing.

Cadence giggled. "I should apologize. You seem to know more about relationships then I thought. However, you should be careful about deciding to love her before you know for certain who she is. That could backfire terribly if she turns out to be... undesirable," the Princess warned darkly.

An ominous shiver went up Chet's spine. Cadence obviously wasn't trying to tell him to dump Vanilla. It was a general warning. He was sort of getting ahead of himself. He couldn't simply decide to love someone and get the reasons for it after the fact. That made no sense. He had to get the reasons first and love would form naturally from there. Then the man considered how Vanilla and him had first met and how they had gotten this far.

Chet chuckled. "Our relationship is going to be completely artificial at this rate."

Princess Cadenza quirked a brow. "Just because something is artificial does not mean it can't be precious or beautiful."

Chet hummed at that. "Maybe. But you're instructing both me and Vanilla how best to... manipulate each other into love. Isn't that kind of... I don't know, fake?"

The pink alicorn considered that for a while. She closed her eyes and thought. "Perhaps," she eventually agreed. "However, art is not natural. It requires a painter to decide where each color will go, to orchestrate the lines, to decide the final shape. Yet we don't see art as being 'fake' or wrong."

Chet shrugged. "I guess. I just meant that this is all pretty weird is all."

Cadence smiled playfully. "You are a minuscule alien from another reality. Weird is your life from now on."

He snorted and rolled his eyes. "Too soon."

Princess Cadenza coughed and sat straighter. "Well, is there anything else you need from me while I'm here?"

Chet thought for a second, then decided to satisfy one minor curiosity. "How much have you and Vanilla talked?"

The mare glanced up and tilted her head. "We talked when I first detected her as a possible match, before your date, and after your date. Though our discussions were certainly longer than any I've had with you."

That peaked Chet's curiosity. "And I thought I needed help with this dating thing. She really needed that much coaching?"

The Princess hesitated. "I... do not believe it would be appropriate to reveal Vanilla's... insecurities. Her perspective of your relationship is... very interesting."

"Should I be worried?" he asked a bit nervously.

"I do not believe so," she replied quickly. "In fact I think it might even be important for you two to discuss some of the points she made to me."

"Like what?"

Cadence blushed. "I believe she was actually quoting you. 'The ultimate point of dating is sex.'"

Chet's eyes widened and he blushed too. "Oh," he whispered. "Vanilla was quoting me alright."

"You are not entirely wrong," the Princess sighed and looked away. "However, to be more accurate, the true purpose of marriage and love is children."

"Which requires sex," Chet added a bit sarcastically, hoping to soften the awkwardness he dreaded might be coming.

The Princess pouted. "Yes, to put it bluntly. Sex does tend to make children. However, you cannot."

The man blinked. "What?"

Cadence met his eyes, the mood dropping in an instant. "Chet, you will never have offspring. You can never have children. You are the first, only, and last human on the entire planet. And there is zero chance you are genetically compatible with us ponies. So any mare who chooses to marry you is doomed to either childlessness or adoption. I believe you once told Twilight that adoption is not particularly rare on Earth? Well it is exceptionally rare here on Equus. Not unheard of, but still."

Chet winced. "I see. I never considered that." He really hadn't. Sex was great and all, but what about family? Chet had given up on that himself, but what about his potential wife? Marrying him would be a dead end.

The pink alicorn smiled tenderly. "Don't worry Chet, that's one of the advantages of my matchmaking spell. Vanilla was never interested in children. That trait is but one that makes you two compatible. She isn't interested in having foals and you can't have them anyway."

Chet leaned back in his seat. "That's a relief."

Cadence watched him for a moment. "However, that leads to a question. The two of you can never have kids, so why are you a couple?"

The man itched his temple with a finger. "Fun?"

The Princess chuckled sadly. "I suppose 'fun' is fine. But I would have suggested companionship or the ability to share your struggles."

Chet snorted. "Maybe I'm just shallow."

"If you are, so is Vanilla."

Chet shook his head. "Was that a joke? It sounds like a recipe for disaster."

Cadence looked away, but he saw a small smile on her muzzle. "It depends. If the two of you can be happy together, that's enough." Then she faced him again, her expression now stern. "Fair warning Chet, keep in mind what it is you are looking for in a mate. Before you make any rash decisions, consider why you're making them. Okay? Promise me you'll think before doing anything reckless."

Chet threw his hands up in defeat. There Cadence went again, worrying about him. Maybe she was right to. "I won't do anything stupid Cadence. You don't have to worry about me."

She hit him with a mild scowl. "You'll get over any mistake you make," the pink mare grumbled. "It's Vanilla I'm worried about. Don't... don't hurt her if things go wrong."

Chet stared at Cadence for some time. How could she think he would intentionally do something to hurt Vanilla? He almost felt insulted. However, she'd been right about him so much already, her latest warning actually made Chet pause. If Vanilla turned out really not to be the one for him, would he know how to turn her down gently? Without crushing her spirit? She clearly wanted them to be a thing. If Vanilla rejected him in the end, Chet had Cadence to find him another mare and he could try again, but what did Vanilla have to rely on? What was her backup plan?

Chet swallowed. "I'll... try not to break her heart. I promise."

The Princess didn't respond for at least a minute. When she did it was a simple, "okay."

And that was it. Cadence returned to her duties and Chet was carried back to his room. Though he had a new appreciation for the hand he sat in and the guard it belonged to. He had a lot to think about. Mostly what form his next date with Vanilla should take. They had to do something, an activity, that required them to work together. They had to practice trust. His mind also buzzed with Cadenza's warning. He really wondered if this relationship would work out, if they were trying to force something that wasn't meant to be, and how much he hoped that wasn't the case. Was he getting ahead of himself and rushing into a disaster? If he was it was the Princess's fault. She had assured both of them that they were "nearly" perfect for each other.