The Delinquent Duo...

by Some Leech

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, Princess Luna, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Porn, Mystery, Sex, Fetish, Comedy, Profanity, Princess Celestia
Length: 5497

With nowhere to run and nowhere to hide - not to mention his captor being remarkably resolute, Anon is brought to face the sisters...

Anon's fate was finally sealed - all the is were dotted, the ts were crossed, and there was no exit strategy. Ferried to the Canterlot castle, after a long, arduous, and amorous trek over half of Equestria, he timidly strides to meet his end - still, inspite of the dire turn of events, it wasn't all bad. With an opportunity to finally get some answers, at least he'd be able to meet his maker in peace...

Kinks Include: Female on Male, Male on Female, Oral, Vaginal, Anal, Interspecies, Quasi-Incest, All Sorts of Oral, Two Exceedingly Pent Up and Lusty Mares, and More Cumshots Than You Can Shake a Stick At

Artwork by CBTwilight (Twitter @ColdBloodedTwi)

If you want to help support me, I have a Tip-Jar/Patreon HERE

Published 2022-04-27 20:20:05 UTC
Last updated 2022-04-27 20:20:05 UTC

Right Into Their Hooves...

Anon cowered behind the throne and peeked down at the pair of approaching alicorns, watching them lick their lips while eyeing him like a delectable slice of cake. His trip to and into the Canterlot castle had been a blur, wholly unremarkable and without anything of interest happening, as his tacit escort had brought him to meet his fate. It was hard to explain, but his capture had been almost cathartic; he no longer had to worry about being hunted, didn’t have to keep running, and that strange sense of peace had brought with it a zen-like state - that said, his world had been flipped on its head when he finally confronted the Princesses.

The second he was left with the pair in the throne room, the sisters locked the doors, enacted what seemed to be several spells sealing the chamber, and pounced upon him. In the blink of an eye, the ill-fitting garments he’d worn were rent to shreds, he was forced to the floor, and found his face buried in the biggest horse ass he’d ever had the dubious pleasure of seeing. The confusion and suddenness of the amorous assault, catching him completely off guard, would have been his downfall, had it not been for one little thing - the siblings quickly took to fighting one another.

As Luna and Celestia quarreled over who got to use him first, he somehow managed to wriggle away and scamper behind one of the two thrones. He’d hoped to reason with them, to plead his case and possibly beg for forgiveness, yet that seemed like an impossible task. As far as he could tell, judging from the lustful look in their eyes, he’d have better chances negotiating with a starved, rabid dog than the two exceedingly horny Alicorns.

“Don’t be so coy,” Celestia hummed, igniting her horn. “If you’re concerned about being injured, Luna is quite gifted with healing spells.”

Luna nodded and crept closer to the cowering man, her tail ominously flagged. “And I’m sure my sister could enhance your allegedly otherworldly endurance, should the need arise.”

Trying to keep an eye on both of them at once, realizing they were catching him in a pincer movement, he glanced to the window behind him. Even if the stained glass hadn’t been glowing, likely protected by some sort of force field, defenestrating himself would be suicide. Unlike the castle at the Crystal Empire, the Canterlot keep’s throne room rested hundreds of feet above the inner ward. Comprehending he had no chances of escape, he closed his eyes and sighed.

“Listen,” he murmured, turning his attention back to the duo, “just explain what the hell is going on.”

“We can explain that later,” Celestia snickered, fixating on his barely concealed loins. “After we’ve had a few dozen goes, once we’re all nice and tuckered out, then we’ll regale you with all the boring specifics.”

Locking eyes with her, he grasped at the one straw he could think of. “I have a fetishistic love of mysteries. If you indulge me, I’ll do all the freaky stuff you want,” he insisted, turning and peering over at the younger sister. “All sorts of stuff - hell, even butt stuff!”

“Sister,” Luna bleated, practically trembling with excitement, “we have to tell him!”

He had no idea how he’d pulled it off, but it felt like he’d just won some sort of lewd lottery. Celestia rolled her eyes and gave her sibling a resigned wave of her hoof, before trudging up the steps and frustratedly hopping onto her throne. Clinging to the tattered remnants of the storm beast uniform Tempest had given him, he rushed down the steps and away from the diarchs. If he was about to get fucked to death by a pair of demigods, at least he’d go to the grave understanding what was going on and why he was being hunted.

“You see, Anon, it’s quite simple. As you’re well aware, the various creatures of Equestria aren’t exactly prone to covering themselves - as such, after some deliberation, my sister and I decided to shroud all knowledge of lechery from the world,” Luna stated, grinning proudly at him.

Staring up at her, waiting fruitlessly for her to continue, he cleared his throat after a handful of seconds. “But why? Were there mass public orgies or ruined families everywhere?”

“Heavens no,” Celestia grunted, straightening in her chair, “but that’s not to say there wouldn’t be. It was a hard decision to make, but we wished to spare the ponies of Equestria, as well as all the creatures of Equus, the constant nagging urge to fly into a frenzy of depravity.”

He paused and stared up at them in disbelief. “So,” he meekly began, his brain grappling to process what he was hearing, “you were getting complaints from your citizens about this?”

“Of course not,” Luna scoffed. “The ponies of Equestria are far too reserved to ever voice such a scandalous complaint to us directly, but we were well aware of their plight.”

“How?” he pressed.

“Because if we were constantly suffering from the extraordinary temptation of sinful delights, our subjects were surely doing the same,” Celestia exasperatedly replied. “To save everypony from themselves, we simply put blinders on their sexuality and removed certain literature from the public eye.”

Unsure of exactly what to say, he blurted the first thought that came to mind. “So you saved everyone from being constantly horny because you’re constantly horny?”

“Verily!” Luna chirped.

Cele nodded solemnly. “Just so.”

Despite what they’d revealed, he couldn’t believe his ears; apparently the Princesses had enacted some world-wide spell to erase the knowledge of carnality from all Equus, but their motives were highly flawed. Though he realized he was far from a genius, he could think of a number of grounds to justify the extreme measure - still, their reasoning for it had been utterly insane. Celestia and Luna hadn’t enacted the mass mind-fuckery to save the world or stop some otherworldly force - no, they’d done it because they were quite possibly the biggest nymphomaniacs he’d ever encountered.

He’d practically been through hell and back, evaded capture for months, stuck his dick in crazy or worse, and had a whirlwind tour of the world, just because the oldest ponies on the planet had ignorantly screwed with everyone’s heads due to their lustful shortcomings. He would have been angry, had the explanation he’d so desperately sought not been the dumbest shit he’d ever heard - nevertheless, he had one big problem to deal with - well, no, two big problems. Squaring his shoulders, he faced the duo.

“So what happens now?” he inquired.

Luna beamed, giddy as a school filly, as she turned away, faced her throne, and magically sheared the back off her seat. “I believe you mentioned something about butt stuff.”

“Pay her no mind,” Celestia groaned, sliding forward and hitching her hind legs on the arms of her chair, “she hasn’t had a real creampie in over a millennia.”

As the younger sister hopped into her seat, leaving her ass hanging off what had been an immaculate throne, the elder sibling reached down and rubbed at her winking, positively drenched marehood. He’d be lying if he said the sight wasn’t hot as all get-out, his fear mingling with his evidently insatiable libido, yet their actions brought up another question. Hiding his growing erection, looking between the presenting ponies, he uneasily lifted a finger.

“So if you two are still horny, how do you…?” he let the question hang, genuinely curious and slightly aroused by the thought of them fooling around.

“Anon, I assure you, we’ve become quite skillful with making toys to distract ourselves,” Celestia hummed.

“Indeed,” Luna added, invitingly swinging her tush from side to side. “We have dongs in every shape and size; they may not be as good as the real thing, but they’re a reasonably adequate substitute.”

“So - uh -” he continued, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck, “does that mean you two -”

Pop

The sound of displaced air just to his left nearly gave him a heart attack, causing him to swing around to the source of the noise. He’d half expected to find Cadance or possibly Twilight standing beside him, but what he found was anything but. A large table had appeared right next to him, covered with all manner of sex-toys, BDSM gear, lube, and a hoard of dildoes that would make a naughty dragon blush.

“Anon,” Celestia cooed, snapping him from his stupor, “if you volunteer to give us what we want, maybe we’ll be inspired to give you a little show…”

“Perhaps on top of you,” Luna purred, “with your delightfully handsome face right in the action.”

Peeking over, seeing what had to be some sort of a strapon harness, Anon gulped. Not only had he been given the opportunity to plow arguably the two most powerful and influential ponies on the planet, but he’d just been taunted with the promise of watching a taboo show between the duo. His questions had been answered, he couldn’t escape if he wanted to, and he’d unwittingly amassed a veritable wellspring of experience of pleasuring mares - it was the end of his journey, and he was about to scale the Mount Everest of horse pussy.

As he snatched up a bottle of lube in one hand, and a modestly sized dong in the other, the ragged clothing fell from his frame. Like a gladiator trudging into a colosseum, he proudly strode up the steps and toward the sisters. If he was going to die, he was going to die a god-damned hero of legend.

“Here,” he breathed, tossing Celestia the dildo, “get yourself off while I plow her into a coma.” As he popped the top on the lube, drizzling the thick, cool substance over his manhood, he smirked at the elder alicorn. “Trust me, you’re gonna need the warmup.”

Unimaginably eager to begin, having wrenched the dong from his hand, the alabaster alicorn rammed the toy into her snatch and started plowing herself like there was no tomorrow. Anon felt it was reasonably fair to say he’d seen some kinky shit before, given he’d been pretzeled and fucked by a very large and very randy dragoness, but seeing the well-respected and normally demure Princess ruthlessly pounding her plump pony puss with the sex-toy dumped nitros into his already revving engine. The sight of Celestia playing with herself was so compelling that he almost forgot what he was supposed to be doing - that was before a cobalt aura surrounded his hips and pulled him forward.

Gazing over her shoulder at his rigid dick, Luna drew her tongue over her lips. “If you’re not going to start, I will.”

Shifting his focus back to the flank at hand, he reached out and grabbed the smaller Princess’ hips. Though she wasn’t quite as large or heavily padded as her sister, the slightly younger alicorn was still far larger than the average pony. With a slender figure, alluring face, and ethereal mane seemingly hewn from the midnight sky, she was a beauty to behold - a beauty he was about to despoil. Looking downward, kissing the tip of his length to her pronounced, supple pucker, he plunged into her.

“Buck yes,” Luna groaned, throwing her ass back and instantly sheathing him in her vice-like confines.

The abrupt forcefulness of her backstroke would have sent him off balance, had her magic not kept him firmly in place. Hastily bracing himself and leaning in, shifting his center of gravity, he fought against her sorcerous hold, pulled a portion of his cock clear, and rammed his hips forward. His vehement thrust drove her forward and evoked a whorish moan, bringing a smile to his lips.

“First dick in a while ~ huh?” he mused, bending over and draping himself over her back. “Bet you want it - Huh?!”

Before he could even finish teasing her, he felt himself being moved - not by humping, but because he, Luna, and the desecrated throne she rested on turned in place. Peering to his right, with a golden glow about him and the nubile Princess, he saw Celestia gnawing her lip. He could safely say he’d never met a creature, pony or otherwise, who took joy from watching their sibling getting rutted, but be damned if the gleeful look in Celestia’s eye didn’t smack of just that.

Emboldened, with his lust and the relief of not being immediately thrown into some friendship gulag overshadowing his reservations, he pulled one hand back and slapped Luna’s rear. The strike, while relatively light, caused the little diarch to whimper. As if the exhibitionistic joy surging through him wasn’t compelling enough, the Princess’ ass felt divine.

Only marginally looser than Kerfuffle’s behind, Luna’s tush tightly clung to him on each and every backstroke. He wouldn’t be surprised if she’d prepared herself prior to his arrival - in fact, given the fact that they’d effectively jumped and tried to have their way with him, he felt certain of it. Watching his length slip into and out of her clinging hole, he gradually moved faster and faster.

The rulers’ explanation for why they’d robbed the world of sexual knowledge was stupid as hell, but he pushed those issues to the side. After he’d entertained them, possibly when everyone had a chance to catch their breath and get a drink, he could ask how ponies were able to knock each other up without remembering it - regardless, for the time being, he had some poetic justice to dole out. They’d fucked him over figuratively, now he was going to fuck them over literally.

“Say you’re sorry,” he grunted, issuing a second, markedly harder spank.

“I…I’m - Eeep!” Luna squeaked, cut off by a third smack to her derriere. “I’m sorry!”

“Yeah,” he growled, caressing the reddening cheek of her ass, “you’re a naughty little Princess ~ aren’t you?”

“Pull her - Mmmph - dock,” Celestia muttered, her eyes never leaving his pistoning manhood.

Without skipping a beat, his hand shot to the base of her tail, wrapped his fingers around the sensitive nub, and hauled on her dock. Luna’s shrill squeal of delight cut through the air, echoing throughout the cavernous chamber, as her climactic fluids doused his legs. Either he’d gotten damn good at plowing ponies, or the diarchs’ exceedingly protracted abstinence of having an actual dick-down had atrophied their stamina.

Undeterred, he wriggled his hands around her midsection and blindly fumbled around on her abdomen. While he’d never spent much time around Luna, he was certain she had a pair of modest little bosoms that were just begging to be accosted. Sure enough, after a moment’s questing, his fingers brushed against two delicate nubs resting upon a pair of soft, supple mounds. Railing her with nearly reckless speed, he twisted her teats and kissed her neck.

Even with his wellspring of experiences, having bedded a number of royals, a villain, and a few bystanders on his licentious adventure, screwing the young alicorn took a toll both mentally and physically. He was so caught up with getting her off, an act he’d accomplished in record time, that he failed to keep tabs on his own limits. It wasn’t until he felt himself slipping past the threshold, far too late to compose himself and slow, did he realize he’d blundered.

With his swiftly encroaching climax seconds away, he went all out. The drumbeat of his hips slamming against her filled the air with meaty smacks, yet that was only one element to the symphony. The mewling in his ears, paired with the heat of her spasming depths milked his length, pushed him to and past his limit. With a final, unstoppable thrust, driving himself as deeply as possible, he coated her interior with his essence.

Luna went rigid, tensing beneath him while he filled her. He couldn’t say if she came a second time or not, but the dribble of nectar from her doubtlessly winking snatch left him to believe he’d finished her off. Knowing his duty was only half finished, he formulated a plan. It’d be a few minutes until he was ready for another round, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t tend to the older, more curvaceous of the two sisters.

Moving languidly, he straightened up and slowly stepped back. As long as he bought himself a little time, he’d be ready to lay Celestia soon enough - he hoped. Watching his semi-rigid shaft slip from Luna’s coal-black pucker, seeing a trail of his cream seep from her quivering hole, he grinned - not just because he’d managed to get her off, but because the sight reminded him of a glazed donut from a shop he used to frequent.

“That’s one small step for a man,” he began, unable to suppress a chuckle, “one giant leap for manki-Hnnngh.”

What he could only describe as lightning surged through him, arcing over his skin and nearly forcing him to double over and stumble back. Gritting teeth and forcing his eyes open, watching the energy dance over his body, he winced; it didn’t necessarily hurt, but it sure as hell took him by surprise. Glancing over at the only creature who could enact such sorcery, seeing as how Luna was left in a blissful stupor, he noticed Celestia’s horn leveled at him.

“There,” she whispered, the light about her horn fading, “that should help.”

As he righted himself, with the arcane force subsiding, it hit him - a rush of power like he’d never known. It felt like he’d just woken up, scaled a mountain, and chugged an entire gallon of coffee - all at the same time! Instantaneously refreshed, taking note of his fully revived boner, a wolfish smile split his features. The alicorns hadn’t been bluffing - they were more than capable of empowering him with their magic.

“That wasn’t very polite,” he growled, stepping over to the snow-white Princess. Peering from her playful smirk, down her chest, past her ample breasts, and to her stuffed cunt, he reached out and drew his hands down her hind legs.

Cele was quick to respond, freeing the dildo and haphazardly tossing it to the side. “What’re you gonna do about it, Stud?”

“For starters,” he began, slowly sinking to one knee, “I think I’ll help myself to an appetizer…”

He had no excuse not to start fucking her silly, but he’d developed a fondness for eating mares out; something about their flavor, the grassy, almost sweet taste of their nethers, was almost addictive - that and it never failed to be the perfect opening act for getting a pony off. The dark grey, fleshy folds of her entrance stood in stark contrast to her lightly colored coat, yet her rosy, juicy interior was what called to him. Jamming his face to her luscious marehood, he plunged his tongue into her depths.

“A…Anon!” she gasps, clamping her pudgy thighs against his head.

She could have stopped him with but a thought, if she’d been genuinely displeased with the development, yet that wasn’t the case. Locking her fetlocks behind his neck, she flexed her legs and drew him deeper. She was easily the biggest creature he’d been with, rivaling Chrysalis’ height while having substantially more mass, but he wasn’t complaining. Effectively smothered by her loins, his nose pressing against her engorged clit, he peeked past her heaving tits and to her face.

Gazing down at him, she winked against his lips. “My my - someone’s an eager little thing.”

He considered issuing a muffled reply, but ultimately decided on an even better response. Wriggling in place, worming his head slightly higher, he lipped and suckled the delicate bulb resting at the top of her entrance. The moment he started sucking on her clit, the pressure on his dome multiplied several times over. Praying his skull could withstand the strain, he doubled down with the oral onslaught.

Though he had been fully intent to feast upon her snatch, he’d neglected one not-so-small element - her sister. His legs were prized apart and pulled back, and he reflexively dropped his hands to support himself, as he was repositioned by some arcane force. Unfortunately, with his head firmly held in place, he couldn’t see what was going on, yet he could hear the unmistakable sound of magic.

Something shifted beneath him, sliding between his lower limbs. Unless an unforeseen fourth member had joined their impromptu party, Luna must have recovered and decided to make the duet a ménage à trois. As a pair of pouting lips wrapped around his turgid dick, heedless or uncaring of where it’d been, he groaned into Celestia’s cunt. Good Lord - he’d realized the pair were thirsty, but he’d woefully underestimated just how lascivious the sisters were.

Juggling the two tasks as best he could, he ate one alicorn out while bucking into the face of the other. Ordinarily speaking, he would have been a bit hesitant to wrangle with one alicorn, much less two, but that wasn’t the case. Energized by whatever spell he’d been blasted with, and happy to have reached a righteously libidinous end of his odyssey, he had the power to take on a goddess or two.

With a barely audible pop, Lune pulled clear from mopping his length. “I taste amazing on you…”

Driving his hips forward and down, he did his damnedest to sheath his cock in her muzzle. It was definitely one of the kinkier situations he’d been in, but he wanted more. The incestuous exchange with a pair of sisters who just so happened to be rulers of a nation was going to be the pièce de résistance of his wanton epic. Using his augmented strength, moving faster than he thought possible, he wrapped his arms around Celestia’s thighs, grabbed her tits, and tweaked her nipples.

“Yes,” the elder Princess moaned, rolling her head back.

With few options but to soldier on, he did just that - he munched the regal muff like it was the last day of his life. It was strangely humbling to think he was the first creature in countless centuries to indulge either of the Princesses, and that honor fanned the roaring flames of his passion. If he somehow managed to die pleasing the duo, at least he’d have a hero's death.

Indifferent of just how long he’d been eating Celestia out, he only stopped when he felt a tremor move into her legs. While there was an argument to be made for being baptized in her orgasmic juices, he yearned to feel her silken interior spasming around his manhood. Shifting his hands onto her upper legs, he pulled her limbs apart, freed his head, and hauled his length from the younger diarch’s snout.

“Hey,” he hummed, shuffling back and peeking down at Luna, “don’t go anywhere, you’ve got the best seat in the house.”

Her silly little grin and enthused nod were as adorable as they were encouraging, leaving Anon to act as he wished. Pushing himself into a standing position, with his groin conveniently at the same height as Celestia’s slavering marehood, he grabbed the elder Princess’ fetlocks, stepped forward and drove her lower legs to either side of her head. As he leaned in, seeing her anxiously turn her head to fully face him, he shot forward and locked lips with her.

As he tongue pressed past her lips and into her muzzle, his cock slipped into her velvety depths. He wasn’t surprised that she was slightly looser than Luna’s backdoor, considering just how large she was, but then it happened - she clenched. The vice-like grip of her marehood drew him in, tightly constricting his dick like it belonged to her. Beyond impressed, he steadied himself and hilted.

The giga-cougar was just as desperate to get a good, thorough rutting as her marginally younger sister had been, and that’s exactly what she was going to get. As the tip of his shaft kissed her womb, nudging against her inner gate, she trembled against him. It was stunning to think he was endowed enough to fill her completely, but he didn’t let the revelation stop him - not by a long shot. Holding her in a mating press, he set to plowing her like a fertile field in spring.

Their tongues entwined, her hot breath washed over his face, and she tightly squeezed his dick with every backstroke, as she fought his fleeting retreats for dear life. Out of all the creatures he’d ended up having a roll with, the sisters had to be the most depraved. They’d been dealing with their sexual urges for millennia, only having one another to confide in, but that was no longer the case; now that they had him where they wanted him, he had little doubt he’d be paying them regular visits.

Passionately making out with Celestia, something warm softly brushed against his swinging balls. The sensation of fur, paired with a muted whine of delight from the ivory alicorn told him all that he needed to know. Apparently dissatisfied with being a mere spectator, Luna had crammed her snout into her sister’s ass to have some cake. More turned on than ever, his ruthlessly pounding hips mirrored his zeal.

Like a primal deity of virility, his stamina was beyond reproach. Celestia came no fewer than three times before he was even close to finishing, ultimately breaking their kiss to drape her head on his shoulder. The power of knowing he was reaping carnal vengeance upon them was intoxicating, but all the strength and perseverance in the world could only delay the inevitable; teetering on the brink of release, he mercilessly fucked the ancient diarch with everything he had.

His nuts snuggled up to his groin, his heart beat wildly in his chest, and the breath hitched in his throat, as he claimed her. Burying his manhood as deeply as possible, he bathed her canal with his essence. Though he had no way of knowing how long it had been since she’d been touched in such an intimate way by a male, a portion of him longed to make her his and his alone - the newest and most revered in a long-line of conquests.

Overcome with ecstasy, he lowered his head and bit down on her collar. The note of pain must have triggered something within her, blending with her pleasure, because Celestia came with the force of a newborn star. Her rapturous wail reverberated off the walls, creating a perverse cacophony, while she was wracked with the strongest climax she’d had since they’d begun. Though he was only vaguely aware of it, lost to his bliss, he could sense Luna feverishly lapping at the cocktail of juices seeping from her sister’s quivering snatch.

Only after he’d deposited every drop of his seed did he relent, releasing Celestia’s hind legs and falteringly stepping back. As his cock slid free from her weakened grasp, he gazed down upon her. Her marehood, battered and slightly agape, drooled his spunk squarely onto Luna’s awaiting face, but it didn’t stay that way for long. Like some hormonally charged youth, the young Princess promptly scrambled to her hooves and all but shoved her muzzle into her sister’s cunt.

Even without the use of invigorating sorcery, the depraved display was enough to keep him fully erect. Seeing the two in such a state, comprehending they’d developed some sort of quasi-romantic relationship borne out of necessity, was enough to tinge his lust with a touch of sorrow - not enough to diminish the almost excruciating arousal of it all, but enough to make him a touch sympathetic. Backing away, placing his hands on his hips, he came to a conclusion - he wasn’t going to stop screwing them until they were fully satisfied.

“Ahem -” he cleared his throat, drawing their attention over to himself, “mares, I don’t believe we’re finished. Hit me.”

In tandem, somehow working in unison, they blasted him with the rejuvenation spell he’d experienced shortly before. Mystical forces flowed through him, erasing any trace of fatigue outright. An amused snicker escaped him, blossoming into a rolling laugh, as he was brought back to full power. He’d never even considered doing any sort of recreational drug, but could definitely see himself making use of the particular spell they’d hit him with.

“Alright,” he rumbled, cracking his knuckles, “let’s go…”

The hours that followed were a mindless blur of raw, unabashed hedonism. He genuinely couldn’t detail everything they’d ended up doing, with one sinful deed morphing into another, but he knew that Celestia, Luna, and himself were all well and truly worn out after everything was said and done. Lying in a heap upon the long, red carpet leading to the throne, slathered in all manner of amatory fluids, he gazed up at the ceiling while affectionately rubbing the sisters’ bellies.

Luna rested to his right, plastered to his side, with Celestia clinging to his left shoulder. Both mares quietly heaved air into their chests, softly napping against him. While their magic had allowed him to endure more rounds than he could count, even the demigod ponies had their limits. After untold bouts of impassioned coitus, somehow maintaining the shielding around the throne and using their recuperation spell on him time after time, the duo of diarchs were left in a near-comatose state.

He and the pair desperately needed a bath, despite no amount of soap and water being capable of washing away the sins they’d committed, but that wasn’t the only thing that required tending to; the entire chamber needed a cleaning crew and possibly a consecration to expunge the lewd atmosphere they’d so thoroughly cultivated. Smiling to himself, content with how everything had shaped up, he slowly drifted off - at least he started to, prior to hearing the distant sound of clapping.

Wearily lifting his head, looking in the direction of the noise, he froze. Casually sauntering toward him, clapping a pair of mismatched hands, stood a singular creature. He’d heard accounts of the chaotic deity from Twilight, but he’d never had the misfortune of encountering the being himself. Barely able to move, all he could do was watch as the patchwork beast halted at his feet and affixed him with a snaggletooth grin.

“Bravo,” the chimera smugly intoned. “I have to say, I don’t believe I’ve ever seen them that tuckered out.”

“What did you…” Anon trailed off, only then realizing that something was amiss.

Neither Celestia or Luna were breathing, the air was still, and a deathly silence rang in his ears. Shaking the Princesses, noting their lack of response, he paused. They weren’t sleeping or dead - they seemed to be petrified, as if the flow of time had stopped. Getting to his feet, leaving the pair locked in place, he uneasily stood to confront his uninvited guest.

“You’re behind all this bullshit ~ aren’t you?” he asked, facing the Lord of Chaos.

“Indeed,” Discord giggled.

Angry and confused, ignoring the threat his visitor presented, Anon stepped forward and jabbed a finger to the draconequus’ chest. “What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you do all this?”

“Because I was bored,” the chimera bemoaned, “and because I’m a fan of - what do you call them - long cons. Trust me, if you were imprisoned as a statue for millenia, you’d be just as creative.”

“Well I hope you got your kicks, because I’m going to make sure that -” the man was silenced, as a pair of thick, furred digits pinched his lips shut.

“Ah ah ah -” Discord endearingly tutted, wagged a taloned finger, “we can discuss all the finer details after.”

Batting the paw away, Anon glowered. “After what?”

The draconequus smiled, lifted one hand, pressed a finger to his thumb, and snapped. A brilliant flash sent the man reeling back, momentarily blinding him and causing him to shield his eyes. By the time Anon regained his vision, the situation had taken an entirely unforeseen turn.

Though Discord still stood before him, the draconequus had changed. The serpentine curves and mismatched limbs were accentuated by a number of feminine features, including pronounced hips, a voluptuous rack, a long, flowing mane, and a pair of pouting lips. Somehow, as utterly insane as it sounded, the Lord of Chaos had transformed into a Lady of Chaos.

“D…Discord?” he stammered, keenly aware of the amorous glint in her carmine eyes.

“Please,” she sighed, shooting him a sultry wink, “call me Eris.”

As she snapped a second time, the world disappeared around him. Flung into a maddening void of darkness, unable to suppress a startled yelp, he tumbled through the embodiment of nothingness. He’d thought he’d been finished, that his erotic escapade had come to an end - he’d thought wrong…