Author's Note
I had the sudden urge to write this last night.
The Sudden Adventure
Lyra Heartstrings stood reading a book about humans. A book that one day suddenly appeared on her bed. She was interrupted when a human suddenly fell on top of her. “Wowee! A human! Let’s fuck!”
The human suddenly sat up and all of a sudden said, “Hey what the fuck? Where am I? I was walking when I suddenly fell into a portal! Now I’m here all of a sudden!”
Lyra clopped her hooves together, the sudden sound startling the human. “Oh this is perfect! You must be my reward for being a good pony!” She suddenly turned around and raised her tail. “Fuck my pussy!”
The human suddenly jizzzed in their pants. Premature ejaculation is a bitch. “Wow, I never thought I would have a sudden attraction for talking horses but my peenor has spoken!”
Just then, Princess Luna suddenly burst through the wall. She stood on top of Lyra who was squashed to the floor by the princess’ sudden arrival. “Hark! We were woken from our slumber by the sudden arrival of a human in equestria!” She said suddenly, “It is our duty to send thee on an adventure!”
Suddenly, Grogar burst through the other wall. “I'm here now!” He said in a sudden, gravely voice. “And I’m going to steal magic and kick puppies!” He said, suddenly kicking a puppy that seemed to appear out of nowhere.
Princess Luna suddenly waved a sword that she teleported suddenly at the sudden arrival of Grogar who announced his plans suddenly. Grogar suddenly left, smashing another hole in the wall he came in. “Grrr! That Grogar makes me grrrr!”
Lyra and the human suddenly burst into laughter, “Haha,” they laughed in perfect unison, “that’s why you're the best princess!”
Luna nodded, “Verily.” She suddenly thrust the sword into the human’s many fingered hands like she wished the human could thrust into her. “Take this and go on thine adventure to prove thy worth!”
The human suddenly ran out, smashing a third wall on their exit. With three out of four load-bearing walls destroyed, the roof suddenly came crashing down on Lyra and Luna.
The human suddenly fell as they suddenly realized they were on the second story. Getting up, they suddenly exclaimed, “Wow, that hurt a lot! That makes me feel bad!”
Suddenly, Pinkie Pie filled the human’s view. “Wowee! A human in equestria?! That’s so zany!” She gasped suddenly. “Gasp!” she said, “I have to throw you a ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ and ‘Welcome to Equestria’ AND ‘Welcome to Equis party!’ and I only have”—she counted on her hooves—“569 words left!” She gasped, suddenly realizing she wasted three words. “Oh no! Now I only have 552 words left!” She suddenly bounced away, leaving the human to suddenly realize they had no idea where Grogar was.
Suddenly, a video game quest marker appeared in the human’s vision. “Wow! That solves all my problems!”
The human strode off towards the marker when they suddenly tripped over a pony. “Oooh wee! That hurt!” Said the pony.
“Oh gosh! Are you ok?” Asked the human, concerned about the sudden injured pony.
The pony looked up at the human, tears suddenly forming in her eyes. “No.” She cried, “The only thing that will make it better is your balls.”
The human suddenly ruffled the pony’s flowing mane. “Anything to make you feel better.”
Suddenly, the human felt they were 50 grams lighter. They suddenly exclaimed, “I hope my balls bring you joy.”
The pony bounced them on the ground, satisfied, she suddenly revealed her name. “My name is Princess Celestia, and for your good deed, I shall grant you a boon.”
“Can I have my balls back?”
“No.”
“Ok, then what will you give me?” The human asked.
Celestia suddenly answered, “I shall wed you. Ride me, my steed!”
The human suddenly jumped on her back and she suddenly took off into the air, flying through the sky towards Grogar. The human suddenly jumped off her back and nosedived to the ground when they saw the quest marker suddenly dip below them.
They suddenly burst through the ground into a spooky cave with goat skeletons lining the floor.
Suddenly, a trap door opened below the human and they were trapped in a pit. An old goat could be heard laughing maniacally above. The goat came into view. “You fool! You feel right into my trap!”
The human growled. “Grrr! Grogar, I should’ve known it was you!” They snarled, showing off their razor-sharp teeth.
Grogar suddenly shrieked and cowered in the fear. “Ah! Your teeth are so sharp! They’re like that sword you have! Do you eat meat?!”
The human answered, replying to Grogar’s sudden question. “I do in fact eat meat. I am an omnivore which means I love eating lots of meat like bacon, beef, pork, chicken, veal, sausages, processed meats, cured meats, aged meats, and sushi!”
Grogar’s voice quaked with fear. “P-please don’t eat me! I was ok with violence but the thought of eating meat is too scary! I promise I won’t kick puppies anymore, only grown dogs!”
The human suddenly shrugged. “That’s good enough for me. Let me out of this pit and I shall spare you for your sudden surrender.”
Grogar suddenly teleported the human out of the pit, still cowering on the floor, he took a glimpse at the human’s face. “Promise you won’t eat me?”
“I promise I will not eat you with my sharp human meat eating teeth.”
“Oh ok that’s good then. The exit is right over there, thanks for visiting!” He said, suddenly getting up and pointing to a door with a glowing red sign that said “EXIT”.
The human stepped through the door and was suddenly shot in the face with Pinkie Pie’s party cannon. “Welcome to Equestria and Ponyville and Equis, weird human you!” She said suddenly, as all the ponies from Ponyville greeted the human the same.
The human looked down at them and said, “Wow! That sure was a sudden adventure!”
