“Stage Dive, you’ve got a fan with a backstage pass. Can we allow him in?”
“What’re you going to expect me to say? No? Let the fan in.”
“You’re not in your persona.”
“I’ll get it prepared, don’t fret yourself.”
Stage Dive sat backstage in front of a counter on which was positioned a mirror and a few makeup products. They were getting ready for a concert at the Ponyville Buckball field, Dasher Stadium. Nothing like giving dozens of fans all the Punk they asked for. There was nothing quite like the rush of attention Stage Dive always got from these events, it tasted delicious, but there was always something distant about it.
Stage Dive wiggled around to try and adjust their torn leather jacket. It’d been ripped to shreds a while ago, but it looked cool. So, they kept it.
They looked in the mirror, white eye shadow was running a little, so they deftly reapplied it. Everything else, from the greyscale gradient on their left foreleg to their three silver earrings were on point. If only there was a way to live perfectly like this all the time, just as whatever they wanted to be, somewhere between pony and not. But unfortunately, they had things like an image, and other trifling matters to take care of.
Stage Dive rolled their eyes as their roadie, who’d asked them about the fan, called from the wings.
“Stage Dive, the fan is here to see you.”
Stage Dive changed into their normal persona, a brown earth pony, and sighed. Fans always were a gamble. One could learn about their secret at any time, that they aren’t really a pony. But, what kind of a Punk musician are you if you don’t interact with fans? That’s what Stage Dive learned, so they had to deal with it
“Thank you, Gear Swap,” they said, turning around to face the door and the roadie, whose black fur was going out through it.
Then, the fan walked in. Stage Dive immediately pivoted themselves to look at the entering pony.
They were a stallion, who bared a grin on his face that Stage Dive thought suggested an intense interest in all things Stage Dive and Stage Dive related. This was helped by his slightly skewed glasses. Stage Dive would expect nothing less than a big fan to trot in, as those backstage passes weren’t very cheap. This stallion probably even knew the name of their backing band.
“You’re Stage Dive, right? Going on in a half hour? Your backing band is the Tempered Tantrums, right?”
Stage Dive sighed, this stallion did know the name of their backing band.
“That’s my backing band, yes. What’d you come in here for?”
“Well, I’m a massive fan of you and your band.”
“A bit older than the target audience,” Stage Dive quipped.
“Well, I just heard a few of your songs,” the fan continued, pretending to ignore Stage Dive, “and I really resonated with them.”
“What songs were they?”
“I’ll get there, but still, this backstage pass was not cheap, so I do want to ask some other questions.”
Stage Dive shuffled their legs around nervously, trying to look like they were comfortable in their skin. If you answered confidently, everypony would believe what you said, so, they had to answer confidently.
“Go on, ask them,” Stage Dice motioned, perhaps a bit more aggressive than was necessary.
“Well, one thing I wanted to ask you, did anypony really push you into doing music? If so, who was it?”
”Miss Amber, you have a mission.”
“What would that mission be?”
“Well, we want you to harvest love for the hive.”
“How?”
“Well, infiltrators tell me Punk is quite popular in Equestria at the moment. Those musicians are adored by thousands!”
“And you want me to collect the love from these ponies?”
“The hive needs food.”
“Any pre-ordered persona?”
“You can create your own, so long as the love comes rushing in.”
Stage Dive got lost in their thoughts, thinking about that interaction with their queen, or what used to be their queen. The one where they were sent on this mission in the first place.
The inquisitive fan was, however, looking at Stage Dive like he was expecting an answer by now. His head was tiled and his face was scrunched up like he had smelled something rather unpleasant.
“Sorry! I space out sometimes. Just— you could say that the pony who told me to follow this path was a bit of a… mother figure. I couldn’t really let them down,” Stage Dive explained.
“You one of the ‘well done son’ types?” the fan added.
“Well, I supposed you could say that, yes.”
“This mother figure must’ve not been one for praise then,” the fan said with a light chuckle.
“She really wasn’t, and, that’s part of the reason I left.”
”Come on, Amber, I know you’ve been eating love. The queen knows. Everyling knows.”
“I just don’t want to give it to the changelings.”
“Now why is that?”
“I don’t know, I just don’t feel right being one anymore.”
“So I trust that’s why you endeavored to meet me in your pony disguise?”
“It’s not really a disguise anymore. Sometimes I’m feeling this, sometimes I’m not. It’s more of a preferred form really.”
“I see. Well, the queen’s going to know about this. We’ll find some other changeling to do it.”
Stage Dive distinctly remembered watching that changeling fly away that day. The truth was, they still felt some attachment to being a changeling, maybe not under the queen, but it was all over right then. It was being a pony from then on out.
“What’s the reason you left then?”
Stage Dive shook themselves out of their second space out of the day, and focused on the fan again.
“Overly controlling. Didn’t really feel right there.” That, at least, was the truth.
“Ah, so see, this is where the songs come in. You’ve written many songs about that feeling, in the 15 or so years since your first album release, correct?”
”Here’s your contract, Ms. Stage Dive.”
“Could you not use an honorific, please? Especially not that one?”
“My apologies. But like I said, this is the recording contract. You’ve been splitting up the Punk scene in the few years you’ve been performing.”
“I try.”
“So we’ve hooked you up with a few producers. We trust you’ll be the best musician ponykind has ever seen.”
“Just ponykind? I have to act like one of them?”
“You are one are you not? Why wouldn’t you act like one?”
“—Right. That was a stupid question. Forget I asked. So, where do I sign?”
“On the dotted line, ma’am.”
“Please do not call me that.”
“Ah. Offer still stands, though.”
“Right. Right.”
They probably should’t’ve signed that contract. Especially since they didn’t really want to be seen as an exclusively pony musician. However, many labels didn’t seem interested in Punk music and that was the only one where they could continue their success in the field. More aptly, the only label which would sign them at all.
Right, there was a fan in the room.
“Oh! Sorry! What feeling, may I ask?”
“You know, imposter syndrome. Not being able to move to another thing yet feeling like you’re doing it wrong?” the fan asked.
Stage Dive was momentarily set aback. “What songs are about that?”
The fan looked at Stage Dive quizzically. “What do you mean? Hiding in a Disguise? From your album before the last one? You know, ‘I’m hiding in a disguise, not feeling strong nor wise?’ That acoustic composition from the second album? A Blackened Soul? ‘I’ve seen ponies much more bold, I feel like I have a blackened soul?’ Any of those songs ring a bell?”
“I remember writing them, of course. But, I don’t recall writing them about imposter syndrome. At least not how you describe it,” Stage Dive answered.
“I mean, what else? They certainly aren’t meant to be taken literally,” the fan went on.
Stage Dive was silent, bowing their head ever so slightly, just to tip something off about this exchange.
“Right?”
“I’m the writer, I should know.”
In a brilliant red flame, Stage Dive the pony was gone. In their place was a changeling, still with the earrings and eyeshadow, but sporting a tattered ear and milky red eyes. Their ripped jacket hung loosely on their exoskeleton.
“They were.”
“You’re a… changeling?” the fan stammered.
Stage Dive rolled their eyes. “No, I’m a pony who decided to wear their chitin-based coat.”
“You’ve been a changeling this entire time.”
“It’s a bit more complicated than that, I wanted to be more of a changeling mixed with a pony—.”
“So that’s what the songs are about.” The fan’s voice was starting to sound annoyed.
“I just said that,” Stage Dive responded, not continuing their previous train of thought.
The fan looked at Stage Dive and stated, “Well, nice seeing you.” He turned and trotted to the door.
“I’m glad you enjoyed,” Stage Dive muttered. They weren’t surprised at his reaction, but at least he didn’t scream. In the meantime, Stage Dive wasn’t going anywhere. Even the small amount of love from that conversation was keeping them going. Just as it had when they started this job.
“Third fan this month.”
“At least the conversation gives me a little love to keep going.”
“True. Maybe I’ve just known for longer, and that’s why it doesn’t affect me.”
“You were surprised when you saw me first drop my disguise.”
“I’ve gotten used to it though. However, I do have to ask, is what you said to that fan true?”
“Which part?”
“About you never feeling right as a changeling?”
“Oh yeah, that’s completely true. However, another part of the truth is, I don’t really feel right masquerading as a pony, either.”
“You can’t find a way to combine the two.”
“There is a way, and I’m going to be the first creature to find it. No matter how long it takes.”
“Stage Dive, you’re on in 5.”
Stage Dive put their disguise back up, but kept their fangs glistening.
Author's Note
~~You win the grand prize of nothing if you know what this story is~~ really ~~about.~~
Stage Dive is a character that my friend Emotion Nexus gave me. I mentioned that I’d love a changeling character who was a Rock Star. Sent out by the changeling hive to give them the love that being a Rock Star would entail, but they stuck with it because they liked it so much.
Nexie just so happened to have a character like that, so she gave them to me and I decided to write their backstory.
This is decidedly not exactly that, but that’s all for the companion blog post later. This is the story now. I hope you enjoyed.
