She Does WHAT With Glitter?
“Hitch, how could you!?”
Sunny and Zipp didn’t know why Pipp Petals was yelling, especially at Hitch, but nonetheless the two were coaxed out of the bedroom the four mares shared and were drawn to the living room where the commotion seemed to be happening. There the pair discovered the scene in front of them.
Hitch was against the wall standing on his hind legs. Before him, pointing an accusatory hoof at his chest while also glaring daggers at him was one Pipp Petals, her expression seething with anger and fury. Strangely enough, Izzy, seeming oddly out of place due to how unphased she appeared by the situation, sat in the corner.
The unicorn had a smile on her face and eyes that stared off into space. Her head was clearly empty, and whatever previously resided in her skull had taken a vacation to the land of puppy dogs and kittens.
Concerned as to what was going on, both Sunny and Zipp approached with caution.
“Whoa, calm down sis. What’s going on?” said Zipp.
“What’s going on!?” Pipp snapped, her outburst causing Sunny and Zipp to freeze in their tracks. “What’s going on is that this asshole cheated on me!”
Going by Hitch’s expression, the stallion may as well have been held at knifepoint. He was sweating profusely and was having trouble stringing a sentence together. “I… Well you see… What actually happened is… Uh…”
“I didn’t know you two were dating,” said Sunny.
“Yeah, well, we were trying to keep it a secret,” answered Pipp, her sight never leaving Hitch’s. “If the Pippsqueaks ever found out that I wasn’t single anymore, like, a bajillion of them would unfollow. It’s this weird algorithm thing that I really don’t want to get into right now, but whatever…”
“Still, that’s horrible.” Sunny turned her attention to Hitch. “I’m hoping this is all some sort of misunderstanding, Hitch, ‘cause I expected better from you.”
Finding it impossible to back away any further because of the wall, Hitch swallowed. “S-Sunny, you’ve got to–”
“Don’t try to lie your way out of this ya two-timer! Especially when there’s clear photographic evidence!”
Having said that, Pipp procured her phone and began to flip through the apps. The next thing Sunny and Zipp knew, they were being presented a slideshow of pictures that appeared to be a random assortment of snapshots and selfies taken by complete strangers at a party of some sort.
Staring at the phone, both ponies cocked their heads to the side in confusion.
“Okay, I’ll bite,” Zipp began. “How exactly is this evidence?”
Despite the fact that she was still fuming, Pipp was able to give her response rather calmly. “I’m glad you asked, Zipp. You see, an interesting new app was released today. You just upload a picture of yourself, and it scours the entire Canternet looking for a facial match then sends you the results. You don’t even have to be the focus of the picture, sometimes it can point you out in the background in another pony’s social media post…”
“P-Pipp, wait!”
Hitch was ignored. Pipp tapped the phone screen a few times, then once again showed it to Sunny and Zipp.
“Look what happens when you feed it a pic of Hitch.”
It was the same pictures as before, only this time a recognizable sheriff was highlighted in the back in all of them. Not just that, but it appeared that he was in the company of a mare who, due to either some combination of motion blur, distance, or something partially obscuring the shot, couldn’t be identified.
Pipp swiped from picture to picture, and bit by bit the scenario unraveled.
Hitch and mystery mare talk.
They talk some more.
They share a laugh.
Hitch and mysterious mare can’t seem to keep their hooves off of each other.
Hitch and unknown mare walk off to what appeared to be a secluded area.
Hitch returns to the party, now with a disheveled mane and a noticeably better mood.
Breathing sharply through her teeth, Sunny winced.
“Oooh, that doesn’t look good…”
His chest heaving, Hitch smiled nervously at Pipp.
“B-babe, c’mon. This is all a big misunderstanding. See, uh, me and Izzy, we were just–”
“Izzy!?” Pipp screeched as Sunny and Zipp’s jaws dropped. “That was you and Izzy?!”
Now equally confused as she was angry, Pipp looked to Izzy, who, despite circumstances, was still off on her own adventure, then turned her fury back to Hitch. She continued, though her voice was at a more reasonable, less eardrum-damaging volume.
“Izzy? That’s who you cheated on me with?”
Hitch blinked. Upon sensing a change in her demeanor, he then slowly, cautiously removed his back from the wall and returned to standing on all fours.
“Huh,” he said. “I thought you’d be, I don’t know, a lot madder.”
Sporting a wide, devilish smile, Pipp’s eye twitched. “Oh no. I’m absolutely furious. More at you than her, though. I mean, come on, I love the girl and all, but she isn’t exactly the brightest. I somehow doubt she knows what sex even is. Who would sleep with her of all ponies?”
There was a pause, one felt throughout the lighthouse. Ruffling her feathers, Zipp turned away and coughed dryly into her hoof, then Sunny spoke up.
“Uh, me,” she said, raising her hoof. “I’ve slept with Izzy. A couple times, actually.”
Pipp balked at Sunny. “R-really? Uh, I mean–ha ha, that’s a good one, Sunny. But, no, seriously, we should get back to the issue at–”
“Me too!” Zipp blurted, her wings extending and her feathers looking very puffy. “I’ve also been sleeping with Izzy!”
Sunny’s ears shot up, and with an excited smile on her face, she faced Zipp.
“What, no way! I thought I was the only one. I’ve been keeping it a secret because, well, I didn’t want anypony thinking I was taking advantage of her; lots of folks already see her as an airhead ‘cause of the way she acts, even though that isn’t the case.”
“Right? I had the exact same reason,” Zipp said with a nod. “Hey, did she ever do that thing? You know, with the–”
“Glitter?” Sunny interrupted. “I kind of had to beg her to stop doing that after some of it got in my eye. That stuff stings, not to mention is hard to clean out of… Hey, what’s wrong with Pipp?”
Everypony, save for Izzy, turned to Pipp. The pegasus in question was staring at her sister, her expression that of dismay and shock. Her mouth was forming words, but no sound was being uttered. Finally, after great effort on her part, Pipp spoke, albeit uneasily.
“Zipp… You’ve been sleeping with Izzy? You, my sister?”
“Yeah…? We’re all adults here, so what’s it to ya?” said Zipp.
To the trio’s surprise, Pipp laughed. It wasn’t an ordinary laugh, however, as this was the laugh of a deranged and unhinged pony. As soon as her laughter trickled to a stop, Pipp smiled at her sister.
“Say sike, right now,” she said. “Zipp, I mean it. Say sike right now. Say that you didn’t sleep with Izzy.” Silence and a raised brow was all she received from her sister. “Oh my pony, you did… Then that means…”
Pipp’s eye twitched.
“Ew.”
Like a foal discovering a bunch of ants crawling all over them, she began to jump in place.
“Ew. Ew. Ew.”
Continuing to repeat the same thing, she fell onto a heap on the floor, then sat up and looked at her hooves with horror.
“Ew. Gross, this is so gross!”
Perhaps it was his criminal interrogation training kicking in, but Hitch detected there was a reason behind his marefriend’s bizarre behavior.
“How’s it gross, Pipp?” he asked, circling the distraught pegasus. “Getting angry at me, I get, but why is it that you start acting like this the moment Zipp admits to sleeping with Izzy? Kind of weird that you didn’t so much as bat an eye when Sunny said she did as well.”
“N-nothing, no reason. Shut up,” Pipp dismissed quickly. “Anyway, I need to take a shower. Like, right now.”
“Oh no you don’t.” The moment Pipp got up and made a beeline for the bathroom, Hitch swooped in and held her back with a hoof. “You’re not going anywhere, missy. Not until you tell us why this has you acting so weird.”
Pipp struggled against Hitch, her hoof outstretched toward the bathroom. “I’m not acting weird–you’re the one acting weird! Now can you please let me go already!”
Hitch didn’t give an inch. He shot Sunny and Zipp a skeptical look who both had the same expression on their faces. Something was up, that much was clear.
Being purposely slow, Zipp took a step toward the bathroom.
“You know what,” she said. “I suddenly feel like taking a nice, long, relaxing bath. I’ll see you all in a couple hours.”
“Zephyrina!” Pipp cried out. “Don’t. You. Dare.”
Zipp stopped, then looked back to her sister. “Why, Pipp? Is there some reason why you need to use it now?”
Pipp said nothing. She instead leered at her sister, her cheeks puffed around her scowl.
“Hmm. Have it your way, then,” Zipp said with a shrug. “Hey, maybe if you’re lucky there’ll still be some hot water left by the time I’m done.”
Zipp took one step to the bathroom, then another, then another until finally…
“O-okay. Fine!” Pipp shouted. Hearing this, Hitch loosened his hold on her, though not by much. “The reason I need to take a shower right now is because…” Her face getting red, she exhaled before hesitantly proceeding. “Because I need to wash off your… your sex germs…”
Zipp recoiled slightly in confusion, then looked to Sunny and Hitch as if seeking some sort of confirmation that she heard the same thing they did.
“Pardon?” she asked. “My what, exactly?”
“Your sex germs!” Pipp repeated, her embarrassment made impossible to conceal at that point. “I’ve been sleeping with Izzy too, which means they've gotten onto me and I need to scrub them off!”
“Pfft.”
Zipp snortled. Sunny chortled. Trying to maintain their eroding composure, the two looked at each other, which then led to them erupting into a cacophony of raucous laughter.
“What, like cooties?” Sunny forced out between snickers as she leaned against a wall. “Pipp, you know it doesn’t work like that, right?”
“Sh-shut up, yes it does!” Pipp shot back. “Catching her sex germs even through a different pony is no different from incest! I read it online somewhere!”
To Pipp’s surprise, Hitch released her, then pointed a hoof at her face.
“Ah-ha!” he said. “I can’t believe you, putting me through all this when you’re guilty of the exact same thing. Well I hope you were at least using protection like I was.”
Somewhere a record was being scratched; Hitch sensed he said something wrong when Sunny and Zipp stopped laughing and, almost in unison, directed their gazes at him.
“Why would they need protection, Hitch?” said Sunny, followed seconds later by Zipp.
“Yeah. You do know that two mares don’t equal a baby, right?”
Feeling as if he was back against the wall again, Hitch began to sweat.
“Er… You don’t know that,” he said anxiously. “You joke, but for all you know there’s a real possibility of that happening, what with her having magic and all. I mean, I remember accidentally coming across this one site that featured drawings and errotic stories of mares that, through one means or another–though often magical–would sport large, girthy di–”
Suddenly there was a knock at the door.
“Oh thank pony,” said Hitch, wiping a hoof across his drenched brow.
Izzy was such a strange creature… There she was, practically in the epicenter of her friend's argument over something she did, and despite it all she showed absolutely no reaction whatsoever. And yet, the moment there was a random knock at the door, suddenly there was neural activity and what could only be perceived as thought shining from behind her eyes.
“Huh?” she uttered, giving her head a shake as she snapped back to reality. “Sorry, kind of zoned out there. Always happens when I start thinking about cock and pussy. Anyway, any pony getting the door? No? Alright, I’ll get it!”
And with that she skipped away, reaching the door lickitey split.
“Oh, hey Izzy,” greeted two pegasi, one male and one female, who the group immediately recognized as the princesses' royal guards. The pair must have been off duty, as they were out of their armor.
“Thunder. Zoom. What can I do ya for?” said Izzy.
“We came by to cash in on that tennis match you promised us,” replied Thunder, brandishing a tennis racket.
“Yeah,” chimed Zoom. “Though it doesn’t seem fair, the two of us against one of you. Would any of them like to join?”
“Them? Nah,” said Izzy. “They’re still coming to terms while also simultaneously reeling from the fact that behind my innocent and carefree exterior lies a certain promiscuity the likes of which is beyond their wildest dreams. In layponies terms: kawaii in the streets, senpai in the sheets. Anyway, I can take you both on at the same time.”
Zoom and Thunder exchanged puzzled looks, then turned back to Izzy.
“Uh… okay,” said Zoom. “We’re still down for that threesome afterwards, right?”
“Oh honey, there’s no doubt,” replied Izzy as she stepped outside and closed the door behind her.
As the trio walked off, Sunny, Zipp, Pipp and Hitch gathered by the window and watched as their friend left. Each one of them looked unsure as to what just transpired.
“So…” Sunny began. “That happened.”
“Yeah,” added Zipp. “Where do we go from here?”
“It’ll be the same as before, I guess. Only now we go forward knowing that we’ve all been with Izzy.”
“Hm.”
“What about us?” Hitch said to Pipp. “Still mad?”
“No… Not anymore,” Pipp said, defeated. “I mean, is it really cheating if it was with Izzy? Still want that shower, though.”
“I think I’ll be joinin’ ya.”
