Ahavat Chinam (Wanton Love)
HaRav HaGadol Clockwork Relativity, Shlita (high legal authority), is sitting in his office. He’s a bit overtired, especially considering his tzitzit, or ritual fringes, look disheveled and not clean cut like normal. His blue face is pale, and he’s pouring over a volume of the Talmud. As one of the leading poskim, or Jewish legal authorities in the world, he often answers many different questions with written legal responsae. More often than not, the young rabbi is able to answer these questions with astute objectivity and erudition, however, this particular question is different.
“Come in, come in. I have lots of time today!” Rabbi Clockwork says, inviting two young women inside. Sunset Shimmer had just spent the past week consulting her friends about other religions. Her girlfriend Twilight is next to her. Sunset pestered Twilight more about Judaism’s view on homosexual activity, but she didn’t have all the answers. “Perhaps Rabbi Clockwork will know?” Sunset thinks to herself, holding Twilight’s hand.
“Good morning. Come inside, would you like a coffee, a ginger ale, water, perhaps?” Clockwork asks the two students. The rabbi, not much older than these two students, often consults young adults like him on their life choices. There’s something otherworldly about him, but nobody is able to pick it up, exactly. Maybe it’s his youth? His prodigal knowledge of Jewish texts? His Aspergers? Who knows?!
“Water will be fine.” The fiery orange-haired one says. The other youngster nods in agreement. She will have water, too. Clockwork goes over to the water dispenser and dispenses two cups of water; one for each young adult.
“So, you have a sheila (Jewish legal query) for me, today?” Clockwork asks rhetorically. He notices that both of these women are holding hands, but doesn’t say anything in particular. This is the first time someone is audacious enough to ask him something regarding same-sex activity. It is proving to be quite a problem in the Orthodox community, with many Jews leaving over hateful family and friends. These two look secular. What brings them here?
“Yeah, My girlfriend, Sunset Shimmer is interested in Judaism, but she is off-put by how the religion perceives homosexual tendencies. I’m not that religious, but Sunset wants something to believe in.” She asks.
Clockwork nods in understanding. “I see, and your name is?”
“Twilight Sparkle.” The purple-haired one replies. Both women hold their hands, and are worried that this rabbi, a known Orthodox Jew, will say something negative about their “lifestyle choices”. Sunset had already spoken with all six of her friends about religion and had mostly made up her mind. Nevertheless, Twilight insisted that they meet this Rabbi, who is known for some more “modern” rulings.
“I found this Rabbi by chance! I don’t know if he’s any good, but he’s on the Beth Din (Jewish Court) for our city. That’s a big deal!” Twilight explained to Sunset before coming here. Sunset didn’t care much. Does she just want to make Twilight feel better, and maybe herself, too?
“Okay…I take it that you two are…extra friendly with each other?” Clockwork says, letting out a smirk.
“Yes, we are, Rabbi, you don’t have to use euphemisms. We’re dating.” Twilight says, asserting her identity firmly.
“And I take it you both know Judaism’s traditional stance on the matter?” Clockwork follows up. Are they sure they want to open this can of worms?
“Play your cards carefully, wise guy. I’m already quite nonreligious, and you might lose yourself a convert if you keep this up.” Twilight warns the scholar.
“Well, I have to say no three times, and I am not on the Beit Din for conversions, just for regular cases…so are you hear for help, or to preach to me?” Clockwork asks dryly. He looks at a picture briefly on the wall, which shows a familiar lunar alicorn, and a blue unicorn colt. Quickly returning to the two students, he begins to issue his ruling.
“So. I have good news and bad news. Which would you like to hear first?” Clockwork asks.
“Uh, the good news?” Sunset Shimmer replies.
“Typical. Now…most Jews don’t particularly understand the nuances of their religious texts. There is a saying that there are seventy faces of the Torah, and each face tells a story.”
Twilight grins. “I’ve heard that one before. Mr. Brown at my temple told me that as a little girl. What does that have to do with my girlfriend?” Sunset squeezes Twilight’s hand, urging her to shut up.
“There’s something about this guy, Twily. Let him talk.” Sunset says. Twilight sighs and Clockwork continues.
“There are a few things that I should cover today. First of all…Judaism doesn’t explicitly prohibit sapphism.”
Twilight sighs. “I know, Rabbi Clockwork. I’m not an idiot. I explained this to Sunset at temple last week!”
“But did you know that the rabbis prohibited it anyway?” Clockwork says, grabbing a volume of Talmud from his massive bookshelf. He opens it to show in Yevamot, 76a, the inferred prohibition on lesbian acts: “Rav Huna said: Women who rub against one another motivated by sexual desire are unfit to marry into the priesthood, as such conduct renders a woman a zona, whom a priest is prohibited from marrying.”
“So what? I am not a kohen!” Twilight protests.
“A what?” Sunset asks.
“Part of the ancient priestly class of Jews in biblical times. Surely everypony…everyone knows that, right?”
Everypony? Why did Rabbi Clockwork say “everypony”. That’s a mistake, right.
Sunset looks at Clockwork with confusion. How could this rabbi, who is no more than a few years older than them, possibly know about Equestria? She starts to panic, and wonders if this is some sort of operation to bring her back to Equestria, and worship the Solar religion once again. Sunset looks around the room, and she spots the picture in the corner. Princess Luna hugging a blue unicorn colt. She looks into Clockwork’s eyes and then looks at the picture.
They’re the same person…er…pony.
“You son of a bitch! Why are you posing as a rabbi when you should be on the other side of that damn portal! I knew all these religions were a crock of shit!”
Twilight doesn’t understand why Sunset Shimmer is so upset. Clockwork tries to calm them down but to no avail. Sunset Shimmer is mad, and out for blood.
“Who are you, huh? Why do you have the audacity to pose as a rabbi when you are just some pony posing as a human to bring me back to Celestia! This is a fucking joke!” Sunset cries, incredibly livid with Rabbi Clockwork.
“Maybe I left for the same reason you did. Not being accepted for who you are.” Clockwork says, before changing the subject entirely. His origin as Luna’s bastard son is not something he wants to discuss right now. He was asked to solve their dilemma, and he will solve it!
“Now, as to your problem. The sages say that sapphic actions are not befitting the daughters of Israel, since it is what the other nations do. I posit that it is something that all the nations do. Tell me, Twilight. Have you ever heard of King David and Jonathan?” Clockwork asks, still eyeing Sunset Shimmer. He doesn’t know this one, but he briefly met Twilight back in the day, just before Princess Celestia banished him to Earth, for the crime of being born to Princess Luna out of wedlock. What’s on her mind?
“I think so? King David was one of the first rulers of the Jews and wrote most of the book of Psalms. Jonathan was Saul’s son, and those two were best friends. How does that make them-”
And then she realizes. “Oh my god.”
Clockwork smiles, and opens up his Tanakh (Old Testament) to this verse: "When David had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was bound to the soul of David." (1 Sam: 18:1).
“I’m sure you don’t need a Rabbi to put two and two together for this one, Twilight.” Clockwork chuckles.
“So you’re saying Judaism has historical precedent for same-sex attractions?” Sunset asks, briefly forgetting why she’s mad with the rabbi.
“Bingo. Not to mention the verse in Samuel 2 where David says his love for Jonathan “matches the love for women.” I believe in your vernacular that’s called a “bi-con”?” Clockwork asks, unsure of what lingo these kids use nowadays. He might be a bit older than them, but even a few years is enough for slang words to change.
Twilight goes blush. “Hehehe…a bi-con. I love it. So much wordplay.”
“Wait wait wait…why is there a picture of Princess Luna on your desk? Who the hell are you?!” Sunset asks, going back to her first point.
“You got me red-handed. Nobody else spotted it. Clever girl…”
Clockwork sighs, and begins to explain himself.
“I’m Luna’s bastard son.”
“Luna…bastard son? Since when did Princess Luna ever have a child?” Sunset asks. Twilight is confused, and sighs. “This must be another pony magical thing, isn’t it?”
“I’ll give you the “too long, didn’t read.” version, Sunset. I was born nineteen years ago to Princess Luna. King Sombra violated her on the moon, and I was the resulting foal. When Nightmare Moon returned, Celestia banished me, claiming I was a tarnish on the royal family. I haven’t seen my mother in almost a decade… I hate her just as much as you do. Her “love” for my mother was so strong that it turned into hate. M…my mother had no say in the matter. I was sent to this world, and I’ve made it my home.”
Clockwork takes another deep breath, and continues.
“As for how I found Judaism, it was by chance. My Cutie Mark as a pony was found by prognosticating the future. I was able to see everyone’s fate; save for my own. Potentially knowing everything about everyone was too much for me to bear. Even now, on Earth, I still see glimpses of people’s fates. It must be the alicorn DNA, I don’t know? What I know is that the Jewish people have had a very tough history, but they have always managed to beat the odds. I like a good underdog story. So…I became Jewish. Converted and everything.”
Clockwork sighs, before going back to the subject at hand. He misses his mother dearly but is too busy with his new job as a rabbi to deal with old Equestrian politics. Will he even be able to go home? See his mother again? Nah, he’ll just help these two find peace. Maybe that’s his real goal, not seeing the future?
“Now, as for you two. I have good news. Those whose proclivities lie with the same sex are also made in the image of our Creator. There is a concept called B’Tzelem Elokhim. This translates to “in the image of God.” If God is perfect, and he cannot err in His creations, both human or pony, then having those who are inclined to love the same sex is part of His design. Denying this would be blasphemy.”
“What does this have to do with the fancy magic man? How could you, Clockwork, if what you’re saying is true about you, give one shit about religion, when you were taken away from your mother, and your aunt treated you like an animal?! Where is the kind god you claim to love who ripped you from your mother’s hooves!” Sunset asks, angrily. She doesn’t know whether to hate Clockwork for lying about his origins or feel bad for him for being sent away from the only pony he ever knew who loved him.
“Because the collective heritage of the Jewish people can also provide comfort, dear. I’m sure you know by now that Jews are also an ethnic group, right? While worshipping the Almighty is one aspect of Judaism, the collective history, culture, and customs play an equally important role. Religion isn’t just about the divine, but also about the kehila, or the community.” Clockwork replies. Twilight nods, agreeing with him.
“So…what you’re saying is: because you are also an outcast, you can relate to those who are different, too? Do…do you think I can marry Twilight?” Sunset asks.
“Well, I’ll have to refer you to the rabbi in charge of the conversion process, and you’d have to not disclose to him your proclivities, but once you are converted, then…well it’s technically not allowed, but I am sure Twilight’s temple will marry you two. Reform Jews are more accepting of same-sex pairings, but they would prefer for both parties to be Jewish. That’s my hot take. Is there anything else you’d like my help with?”
He looks once more at his old photo and puts it away, going back to focusing on the two young women in front of him. Twilight smiles. “Thank you, Rabbi Clockwork. I feel much more at ease.”
She looks at her girlfriend with caring eyes. “Sunset…I feel so much better about being gay now…do you feel any better?”
Sunset sighs, clearly fed up with all this religious talk. “Yeah yeah, I feel better, Twily. I feel better when I am with you. I don’t expect to follow any of your silly rules, but your holidays sound fun.”
Twilight smiles at the tired rabbi and hugs Sunset. “Thank you, Rabbi Clockwork. I’m sure my girlfriend over here will take you through that magical portal and let you see your mother again…right Sunset?”
Sunset groans. “Only because I love you…and not until we tie the knot.”
Clockwork can’t help but smile. “T…thank you. I didn’t even know the magical leylines activated on Earth. Did you do something, Sunset?”
“Yeah…I found the love of my life, and five friends to make me a better person. Maybe you need to find some friends, too?”
Clockwork takes a minute to think about his lack of Friendship. His mother always said on the moon that he needed to find friends, but he never had the chance to do so. His neurodiversity doesn’t make it any easier. Sunburst was nice to him, but they never got a chance to improve their chemistry.
“Yeah…I guess so.” He says quietly.
In a slightly sacrilegious moment, Sunset and Twilight kiss in the rabbi’s office, before leaving. The two depart on Sunset’s motorcycle and putter off to their next destination. Clockwork looks at his mother’s photograph and breaks down into tears.
Who knew that helping two people reconcile their faith with who they love could potentially bring Clockwork back to the mother he loves so dearly? Perhaps he might stay on Earth and continue being a Rabbi, but he wants to see his mother again. Sunset is doing “Gemilut Chasidim” an act of kindness since he was so kind to her.
Maybe Sunset and Twilight are giving a middle finger to tradition, or maybe they are being accurate to themselves. Perhaps one can do both and find inner peace?
“I…I’m coming home, mommy. I miss you so much.” Clockwork says, before going back to his Talmud. Fittingly, the particular sugya (legal quandary) he was learning was about the many ways one can honor your parents.