Simplified

Envy, frustration, and scars.

Years ago, I was still living in Ponyville. At the time, I was still so infatuated with Rarity that I couldn't bear the thought of seeing her walk into another dead-end romance. If anything, I was starting to come into my adolescent mind, challenging the idea of her constantly telling me that we weren't viable. I kept telling her that if she could, I could even wait until I was of an age where the legality wouldn't matter. She denied it and kept trying to move forward, all while leaving me behind to watch her drift yet again to a hopeless obsession. Her obsession: A certain human who spent a month living in her boutique.

With her, it's always a sudden ramp-up that makes the romance fall apart so easily. But this one was slow, it had time to cultivate over months of him staying here. She didn't mind making him the clothes he wore, even if it put her budget in the red. She didn't mind him drawing up her bath, then walking out of the room while she was still walking in. She rented out rooms in Canterlot while on business trips, and had him in the same room. And when he left to solidify his relationship with Twilight, she couldn't bear losing out.

So what did she do, she doubles down.

She forces me to acknowledge how his actions were so heroic that it put a bitter taste in my mouth, all while mewling his name into her pillows at night. She rocks her hips to her imagination of him, stirring the desire of taking from one of her friends. And it leaves me to look from a distance, beating with arousal and envy over how much this one human had taken from me. How could she encounter something that wasn't even her own species, and look to cultivate a relationship when I had been there first? How could she risk damaging the bonds of friendship for sexual infatuation? How could it be him instead of me? How was it fair? Those were the thoughts that stewed in my mind, breeding a storm of greed and betrayal.

Then one day, I met a politician who felt the human's presence was disrupting the natural harmony of Equestria. His name was Count DuMoneé. He preached to me about how he wished the human would put his impromptu battlefield promotion aside and allow for a more conservative option of captain to be made. After all, his selection went against the grain of every officer and guard who worked hard to get there the old fashioned way. Why did he go against the grain, why couldn't he just keep his head down and stay out of the way? That's how I felt too.

So we worked together, looking to find some way to get him out of his position by any means. Of course his option was a lot more personally driven. It seemed that his own children had grown supportive of the human, a figure they had never met once and they were cheerleading him forward with their support, creating business and organizations to aid in the advancement of the rights of his species. They were beating him to the punch, and their campaigns were more than favorable.

While I could see that his ambitions were becoming dark, mine too started to fester in that area. So I was left with a choice, either go along with his plans or face my problems alone. I knew I couldn't get much done by myself, therefore I opted to trust him. But his trust with me was already limited because of his personal beliefs in differing creatures. He wanted me to prove that I could be trusted, that I was truly on his side.

He gave me a simple instruction: Kill the captain in his sleep.

Obviously I failed, and he didn't really like that too much. But he did see that I was willing to go through with it if I hadn't been disturbed. That moment had me really thinking though, was I really strong enough in my anger that I was ready to commit an act of murder at the young age of twelve, all because of a crush? It was a secret that I had to keep, after all what would Rarity think of me if it was known that I had tried to do away with her crush.

She found out eventually. In fact, it was that same politician who lobbied me for his trust that broke mine in turn. He told them all what I did, he threatened Twilight with a smile, and also managed to walk away with the captain, having him face the wrath of the parliament in a midnight session to send him on a suicide mission. He did all of that without me, he didn't have to put me out there in front of Twilight, her parents, all of our friends, but he did it anyways to keep me reigned in.

It was the only time where being punched in the face felt like a reward, and Nondis gave that to me in spades.

After all of that, I realized it would be better to confess my crimes to the others and face my time. But Twilight shielded me from facing those consequences. Even then, when I've done so much damage, I was still offered the freedom to watch as he suddenly became a national icon, a beacon of hope, a survivor of a suicide mission, and an overcomer of assassination.

At that point, I realized I had nothing to stack up against him. I only hoped for that politician to get his penance somehow. I got mine in a sense, he and Rarity hooked up for a day or two, I got a few licks to the face, I had to endure the shame of being in the wrong, and I had to accept that. We patched things up sometime after Starlight came into the picture, so we're good. However the politician known as Count DuMoneé, he was still deranged in his obsession. But his kids, who wanted to help the human by any means, they made him face his past demons. The senator couldn't bear with it, and he committed suicide by means of defenestration.

That all happened during that fateful timeline, leading directly to the events of seven years past.

Even looking at the past now, it's weird that we even speak casually about it. At the time I disliked him for petty shit, now I respect him for who he is... while also fearing what he is now. Those events changed him, now he's putting on his best mask to hide it all. Perhaps it's grafted to him pretty well considering his marriage and his wife working him through it all, but I fear the moment where that mask has to come back down.

Playing a game of Cards Against Humanity isn't one of those times.

None of us have ever played this game before, except those who are native to the world or at least used to it. To my understanding, we're supposed to either play the game like it makes sense, or play to the card czar. At the moment, it's Celestia who's holding the title.

"Okay, so the card of the session reads 'Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's _______.' Maybe she's born with something."

I can see a number of hands shuffling through cards to pick out which one will tickle her fancy. Since she's a fan of dark humor, I figure it's better to go with the more offensive option. My cards aren't as offensive as I would like, but I pick one and go with it. We place our cards down on the table face down, then watch as she shuffles the cards around without seeing who it belongs to. Finally, she lines them up and starts reading from them one by one.

"First one. Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's unnatural anxiety."

Silverstream cracks up laughing as she points to herself. "Oh yeah, I've been there before."

The former princess smiles as she reads another option. "Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's a restraining order." That one gets a bit of a giggle from her.

"That one's mine." Gallus raises his hand in confession.

"Can you imagine being born with a restraining order." Mrs. Haines questions mid-giggle.

"I was born to someone who deserved one, does that count?" Ms. Royal blurts out loudly.

"Well now he has the best restraining order possible, the cold embrace of death." Mr. Haines states.

"Yeah─let's not go there." Nondis rolls his eyes.

"Honey, it's not like he's gonna come falling out of the sky this time." Celestia comments, causing the man to groan agonizingly. Mrs. Haines covers her mouth in shock as her husband bursts out laughing. Honestly, even that joke was incredibly hardcore for me. "Okay, continuing on. Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's crippling depression."

"Alright, who's throwing shade?" Asks a disgruntled Ms. Royal.

"That one's mine. I didn't really have any good options." Confesses Smolder.

"I mean it's still a good option." Nondis replies. "If Blue was the card czar, it might've been a winner."

"It would've worked just as well with you." The billionaire heiress shoots back.

He quickly hits back at her. "I know everyone in here saw the photo album, mom always shows the shit whenever we have otherworldly guests. Like there's no way I was born with crippling depression with a smile that big."

"Shut it before I put one on you." Celestia chides her husband. "Alright, next one. Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's a vagina." She turns to her sister. "Luna, I know this one's yours."

"I'm just saying the timing is perfect with what you just said to your husband." The former princess snarks.

"Hey, it works for me too." Mr. Haines calls out, causing his wife to gawk at him. Gallus walks over to him and gives him a handshake of affirmation. He points back to the transformed griffon. "See this, man of culture! He knows what's up!"

Celestia shakes her head at her sister's card and goes on with the game. "Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's a third leg!?"

"Well it's a fifth for some." I comment about my card.

"If that's what you want, Spike, all you have to do is ask." Ocellus replies back to me.

Both Nondis and I shout back at her. "NO!"

"Okay, I think we should keep it moving before this gets any worse." Celestia says as she flips the next card. "Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's a miscarriage─" She covers her face with her wings. She immediately turns to her husband and screams at him. "YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"

"So does that mean I win?" He says with a smile before putting up a defensive barrier to ward off a few slaps of his wife's wings. He's laughing as she continues her assault. She also flips the other cards up, not even giving them a read while she pairs Nondis' card with her own. She shoves the deck over to him and pouts quietly, trying to suppress her laughter. But it's even funnier seeing the veins in her neck strain from keeping back her laughter. "Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's a second chance at the abortion clinic."

"DIVORCE!" The former princess screams.

"Eh, I'll screw you out of it later."

Her ears fall in response to his threat. "I know."

"I'll even scratch you behind your ears and brush your mane." He says as he organizes the deck.

Her ears now pin back. "You damn well better."

I never thought that a game of cards based around insulting you and others would ever be so fun, at least until today. If anything, it's a great takeaway on how to deal with past issues that can sometimes trouble you, especially when others have similar issues. I've even talked to Ms. Royal about producing a deck made just for Equestrian pop culture. She said it will have to be cleared with a focus group first before making the cut. She then sighed and noted how many in her corporate space don't have the humor we had. Guess that's a no then.

Having gone through our training of being humans, Nondis politely asked us if we were comfortable being that way for the night of if we wanted to take a midnight fly out in the sky. All of us voted the latter option. Once we were turned back, we were given our warnings to stick around some trees when we land, and to also make sure that we weren't too far into the city proper where the lights start to give us away.

On that note, we heeded our warnings and took to the sky.

We all take up a few trees on our landing, still in amazement over how bright this place is. All of us start to imagine what it would be like to wander around in a place this big and boisterous. Ain't no buildings nearly this big in Manehattan, not in Las Pegasus, Phillydelphia, Canterlot, none of them. It's crazy to think that human architecture is so advanced where you can plop down buildings this big, stuff them full of lights, and have people live in them. We all dream of seeing ourselves in one of these towers.

"Can you imagine if Ember saw something like this?" Smolder asks. "She'd probably lose her shit over how the buildings look like mountains."

"I think it looks more like a drastically advanced changeling colony." Ocellus argues. "The way these buildings shoot up and touch the sky would drive Thorax mad. He already doesn't like heights too much."

"A changeling king who can fly over all of Equestria looking for you is afraid of heights?" Gallus asks her.

"It's just like how you're afraid of small spaces." Silverstream points out.

"You know I'm claustrophobic, I don't like spaces that seem to choke me out."

"You don't mind the little spaces I give you." She teases.

"Silvy, those spaces are different. I plug those with all sorts of fun things." He replies with bouncing brows.

"Can you two hold off on it till we get back?" I ask the pair. "I don't think the humans are asking for any exotic shows right now."

"I don't mind giving a show." He grins back at me.

"And neither do they." Smolder snickers as she points to a car on the side of the road. We all look down below to see a human couple situating themselves in the back seat of their vehicle. The female figure climbs in after the male after taking off her bottoms and closing the door behind her.

"Wow, to think humans are this free to express themselves." Ocellus comments as the car begins to rock.

"So... our going time is two minutes. Place your bets folks!" Gallus laughingly announces.

"I got three!" Smolder raises her claw.

"I'll say four." Silverstream announces.

"Are we really going to sit here and measure out how long this guy is going to last?" I ask with an amused smirk.

"Well we can't go in the city as is. Might as well." Ocellus replies.

I look back to the rocking car and sigh. "...Seven minutes."

"Dangerous bet." She jokes.

"I laugh in the face of danger."

Before she can say anything else, the car stops rocking and we're looking down wondering what went wrong. Suddenly the car door opens and we see the woman with her pants in tow. She briskly puts on her underwear and pants, then storms away. The man steps out and looks to apologize. She's not hearing any of it, making an immediate phone call. There's an inaudible argument taking place as he drives up beside her. She refuses to get in the car. Another car pulls up and all of a sudden, there's another girl getting out with a baseball bat.

Gallus leans in, perched on his branch like the avian he is. "Ooh, this show is getting good!"

"Romance, betrayal, and violence." Ocellus waxes fondly. "You can't possibly sell a better combination."

"This is some shit you see in the movies." Smolder says as the situation continues to unfold.

The man gets out, trying to stand in between the two of them. The first woman throws her hands up and walks away briskly, while the second points her bat at the other. He steps in, seemingly trying to convince her not to be violent. She grows irate and shouts at him. He backs away as she points the bat at him now. The situation quickly goes off the rails as she walks up to his car and bashes the bat into the front lights. We all groan while watching the carnage unfold even further. She's unceremoniously waving the bat around at him, screaming like a maniac possessed by some unholy spirit. She cracks another blow at the front of his car, hitting the windshield and side mirrors. The man rushes over to stop her, trying to wrestle the bat away from her. She gives him a knee to the crotch and he buckles over in pain. She screams one more insult before throwing her bat in the back seat of her car and driving off, leaving the man to deal with his current circumstances.

Gallus laughs as he comments. "And there we go, folks! If you had money on this one, there's no getting that one back."

"Like how you gonna get into a three-way relationship and not discuss anything about it?" Silverstream asks while gawking at the damage the car took. "Wow, she did a number on that thing. So much for those things being tanks."

"That or she was really fucking strong." Gallus replies.

"Actually, humans in these parts are pretty monogamous. It's just like the ponies of Ponyville." Ocellus explains.

"Then why the hell would you even try some shit like that?" Gallus palms his face in disbelief.

"I don't think he knew she was going to follow him up." Ocellus comments. "Probably thought he could get away with it. But being that phones here have location sensors on them, I think he had to have messed up there because ain't no way she knew his exact location without having him pinned."

Meanwhile, Smolder is clapping it up for the woman that left the scene. "I really like how she grabbed that bat and took to a more primitive approach. Some modern problems require prehistoric solutions."

"You're only happy it turned violent." I point out.

"Hell yeah, dragon seal of approval." She gives the situation a thumbs up. "Better than any movie I've seen in the past few months."

Gallus snickers as he comes up with an idea. "Hey, you know what, maybe we should be humans tomorrow night and mess around in that city."

"I don't know, I gotta be back in Canterlot for Sunday, Twilight's day off and whatnot." I groan with annoyance.

Smolder scoffs at my concern. "Spike, Canterlot may be another world away, but we can get back in like an hour or less. All we gotta do is cross a mirror."

"You know, you have a point." I nod in agreement. "Maybe I should take it easy tomorrow. Hell, we're in another world, we can chill for a bit."

"Now you're thinking smart." Ocellus says as she hovers over to me. "How about we get back to the mansion and sleep in so we can do all of our exploring tomorrow. Gonna be a busy day."

"Yeah, I guess we can do a little more when the sun's out." I think aloud. "Alright, let's head back."

"Hold up!" Silverstream requests as she jumps in between us. "Why don't we take a picture for Sandbar and Yona! I know those two are missing out, but maybe we can kinda fill them in!"

"Yeah, I'd be pretty bummed out if they'd get totally left out of this experience. Maybe we can get them to come by somehow." States the griffon.

"Unfortunately, they'd have to learn how to walk and move as humans. That'll take all day. Maybe next time we can convince Yona not to work so hard and enjoy another day off." Ocellus suggests. "I hate to admit it, but time's not on our side to do that."

"Maybe we can try this again next weekend." I propose.

"Hell yeah we try this again next weekend!" Smolder cheers loudly. "For now, let's scooch in for a pic!"

We all gather around, making sure that the skyline of the city is firmly in our background. Ocellus hums for a bit before using her magic to push her phone out to get a wider angle. She brings us all close together before counting down the shutter. "Okay, wish we had both of you Sandbar and Yona."

"How would they be able to fit in the tree?" Gallus questions with a chuckle.

"Yona is pretty big. And she's bad for having vertigo." Silverstream announces.

"Yeah, we'll have to be humans for the next time." I say in agreement. "That way taking a picture at ground level won't be as big of a problem."

"Right!" Says the changeling. "Okay, now everybody smile in 3... 2... 1... Cheese!"

*CHICK*

After a good night's rest in the mansion, Nondis had an idea for us, basically an outing worthy of a few newcomers such as ourselves. Since this was our first time in the world, he suggests to his parents that we take the day out to a place called San Antonio. Apparently it's an hour and twenty minutes away by the usual mode of transportation, but I don't think I'll mind the ride too much, and neither would the others. The only thing that's the downside to it all is that we'll have to transform into humans in order to make the trip. And even with that downside, Gallus and Silverstream are more invested in seeing how the day goes.

We thought we would be hauled in with Ms. Blue like the last time, but she got picked up by Mr. and Mrs. Haines. Instead, it was Nondis and Celestia who took the wheel today. His dad asked if he was okay with driving, he replied that he didn't mind the drive since it wasn't going to be that long anyhow.

Along our way, the married couple go on to talk about some stuff happening on their end. Apparently a waterspout managed to damage their yacht, so they have it in for repairs. Then they talk about who would be a good pair-up for Luna so that she doesn't have to be alone. While I'm sure that the former princess of the night wouldn't like to discuss the topic too much, they're chatting it up like they have a few candidates in mind. They even tease me with the offer, which I graciously declined.

At last, we're within viewing distance of our destination. Off in the distance is the the city of San Antonio, it appears to be a fairly big town, not nearly as glitzy or shiny as Austin. If anything, the buildings are a lot more earthy, and much shorter. But apparently, population-wise, it's almost on par with Austin. We still take our preference with the place we just came from, but he argues that we won't be thinking that way for too long. Instead of heading into the city proper, we take a detour around the north end of it. We start thinking that we're not going anywhere specific, but our journey instead ends in a large parking lot with a number of signs indicating where we now were. And the roller coasters in the distance are a dead giveaway.

Seeing the archway reading out 'SIX FLAGS FIESTA' in bold letters would probably make any human kid jump for joy. And honestly we're no better than them. As we start walking up to the ticket booth, there's already discussions of who's going to get grouped up with who. Mr. Haines avidly claims Ms. Royal, Silverstream, and Gallus to his group. Mrs. Haines claims Luna and Ocellus. That leaves me with Nondis, Celestia, and Smolder.

However, the boat doesn't take long to rock.

"But Nondie!" Celestia mewls over to her husband, who reassigns her to her parents and her sister.

"Tia, I've got the literal rest of my life to spend out with you. Why don't you and Luna get some time to reconnect."

"Honey, we're neighbors! What is there to reconnect!?" She fusses adamantly.

"Look, I'll be with you in a bit. In fact, call me in an hour and a half, our groups will reconvene for lunch, and then you can tag along with us." He gives her a kiss on the forehead and walks away. "Love you!"

"How dare you go about abandoning me!" She shouts mockingly, but also a little upset that she won't get to latch to her husband to start off with.

"Spike, Smolder, y'all coming or what!?"

"Coming!" The transformed dragoness calls as she grabs my hand, pulling me along for the ride.

The one thing I figured out about the park as we went along is the fact that it isn't just one park, it's actually two meshed together. There's the majority of the park that's dedicated to all the thrill rides you'd see from the front gate, roller coasters and other amusement rides located to the east, west, and northern parts of the park. Meanwhile there's a southern part of the park that's completely dedicated to water rides and recreation, it comprises of about thirty-three percent of the entire park. My personal preference is to go straight for the water park, but unfortunately that part doesn't open until late next month.

So we're sitting at a section of the park where there's a wood-themed coaster looking to give us a thrill. Unfortunately, the line is pretty long, so we'll have to wait a little while. Nondis doesn't mind the wait, but he's preemptive on where we could go next, pulling out a map illustrating where we might be. "So after this one, where else do you wanna go?"

"I don't know this place, how can you be asking me!?" I reason with the former captain. "I thought you knew this place."

"I haven't been here since coming out of high school." He replies. "We came here to just chill out for the summer. It was hot as hell that year and we wanted to just hit the wave pool."

"There's a wave pool here!?" Smolder blurts out with excitement.

"Yeah, but it doesn't open till next month, he says." I respond as I look down to the map.

Smolder appears to be genuinely interested in hearing of the captain's time before Equestria. "Hey, so what else did you do back then? You know, coming out of high school. What kind of friends did you have?"

He folds his arms and think to himself. "I just really had one friend at the time." He begins to scratch at the back of his neck in thought. "Huh, to think about it, I was crushing on her pretty hard too."

The transformed dragoness now brims with interest. "You brought a crush!? How did it go!?"

"Eh, we didn't get anywhere. She ran into her boyfriend in the lazy river... turns out he was with some other girl from another school. She didn't know anything about that one."

"Ouch." She groans in disappointment. "I guess you had to make her feel better than she already did."

"Meh, can't really do that when you're already at a place designed to distract you from your problems." He looks around, pointing to a wooden billboard at the center of the square. "She had a pretty big mental breakdown over by that stand there, created a little bit of a scene. So I had to cut the day short and take her home."

"Sucks pretty bad that you two didn't pop anything off after that." She mutters. "What better revenge than to have a guy friend make her happy in place of all of that?"

"I know!" He laughs off before sighing. "Yeah... as if I didn't try at the time. But she saw me only for a friend, no changing her mind there. But in hindsight, it worked out. She's happy."

"You still keep up with her?" Smolder asks.

"She lives in Ponyville now." He responds.

"Wait, seriously? One of the humans who helped you save the world was your crush at the time!?"

"Yeah, but she didn't see me that way." He shrugs. "Besides, by the time she started to entertain the thought, I already moved on."

"To Twilight, you mean?" I conclude with a smirk.

"Yeah... How's she been?"

"She's..." I roll my eyes just thinking about her inability to go beyond her own stagnant standards and attachments. "...She's Twilight. That's all I can say."

The former captain scoffs. "Still? I thought she would've at least shacked it up with some other guy by now. I mean I know the large body is pretty imposing for a number of stallions, but all you gotta do is get her laying down."

"That sounds like an oddly specific approach." I glance up to him.

"Spike, I have a wife who wants to have kids. I'm no bigger than Shining Armor in pony form, and Celestia's not gonna change her height for me, nor do I want her to."

"Oh, so you're like Sandbar." Smolder comments. "You like the thrill of the climb."

"More like she likes the thrill of being held down." I mutter, thinking back to our interaction back during my waning dragon lust phase. "Still, can't believe she's like that though."

"I love that mare regardless of the form she takes." He says as he looks down to his arm. "And she loves me in spite of what all has changed about me. I wouldn't have it any other way." The man stretches his arms and tilts to the side. "Alrighty then, so let's look at where we're going next."

♫Life in Equestria shimmers! Life in Equestria shiiiiiiines!♪

I sigh from the dismay of hearing that ringtone on my phone. Nondis already sees the discomfort on my face. "Uh oh, slave master's calling."

"Give me a sec, you guys." I warn as I ready myself to answer the call. "Hello─"

"SPIKE THE VIOLET DRAGON, WHERE ARE YOU!?"

I'm relieved of the fact that my ear isn't near the receiver, other wise I would be dealing with a nasty case of tinnitus. "I'm in the castle." I lie.

"Uh-huh, where?"

"My room?" I guess.

"Well I'm in your room right now, Spike. And I see that your reading material is just as sexually charged as your fins are spiky."

"Wait' what are you doing in my room!?" I complain back to her. "I thought we agreed that we wouldn't violate each other's spaces like this!"

"Well I'm violating it to find where you are! And wouldn't you guess it, YOU'RE NOT EVEN IN THE CASTLE TO BEGIN WITH!" She hollers. "So where are you, Spike!?"

"I mean I still technically haven't left the castle." I explain just a second before a rollercoaster flies right by us in the distance, filled with screaming patrons. "At least positionally speaking?"

"Is that a rollercoaster I hear in the background?" She sounds even angrier than before, all the more glad that I'm nowhere near her at this current point in time. "Why does it sound like you're at an amusement park!?"

"Well..."

"Okay! Where's Blue!?" She snaps.

I'm starting to lose track of how to manage the situation. While I never really thought about what would be the immediate ramifications of my departure, the possibilities are starting to manifest in the back recesses of my mind. "Uh... she's not here."

"WHAT!?" She screams.

"I mean I know where she is, but she's─"

"YOU STAY RIGHT WERE YOU ARE! I'M GONNA COME AROUND AND FIND WHERE THE HELL YOU ARE!"

Nondis and Smolder both overhear the conversation taking place, but he acts on it before Twilight can manage to hang up. He snags my phone and talks as though it's his call now, placing the phone on speaker. "Hyyyello?"

"Who is this!?" She screams.

"Howdy, this is your residential douchebag undergoing the therapeutic release of white noise and screams." He answers as another rollercoaster comes whizzing by. "Not to be confused by the howling screams of the damned, those are in my nightmares enough. Thank you very much. How may I be of service today?"

Even from this end, I can make out the confusion in her voice. "Nondis!? What are you doing there!?"

"Well duh, I'm over at Six Flags. I'm showing Spike and the others around the place. Blue told me that Spike was under restriction, I dragged him along with his friends because we're cool like that. I'm sure you don't have a problem with that little bit of world-building for his venture into deepening the relations between our two dimensions."

"Uh, where is this 'Six Flags' exactly?" She asks.

"San Antonio, Texas."

"YOU'RE IN ANOTHER CITY!" She screams.

"Well yeah. I didn't wanna stay in Austin." He replies casually, almost ignoring the rage of the high princess on the other end. "So yeah, Spike is in the midst of popping his human world cherries, so don't you mind it none." I really wish he didn't have to phrase it like that.

"Get him back here, this instant!" She demands.

"Why?" He says as he crosses his arms, still holding the phone.

"Because he shouldn't be there!"

"Why?"

"Because he's under punishment!"

"Why?" I feel like I should be taking notes on how he deals with Twilight so casually, though I'm sure that my results will vary to an unhealthy degree.

"Because he got himself involved in some business he had no business being in!"

"Why?"

"Don't play games with me, Nondis!"

"Why?"

I can hear her sigh on the other end, her nerves are beyond got. "You know what, it's classified! THAT'S WHY!? ARE YOU HAPPY, YOU INSUFFERABLE ASSHOLE!?"

He gives me a smirk before holding the phone up to his mouth. "...Why?" He asks, matching tone with every single time he says the word.

I can already imagine the poor work Inkwell and some of the others are going to have to do to clean up behind Twilight's rage at this point. It sounds like she might have accidentally knocked over a vase, though I'm sure that part might not be so much accidental. "NONDIS PATRICIA VALKYRIE-HAINES, SO HELP ME─"

"Oop, sorry Twily. Celestia's on the other line. Call you back."

"YOU BETTER─" And just like that, he left Equestria's highest ruler a ticking time bomb, a short fuse, and all the fire that could be considered a five-alarm blaze. Most notably, he did it with a smile on his face.

He tosses my phone back to me and motioned a pair of scissors with his fingers. "Might wanna cut bait and leave your phone on airplane mode for the time being. The first reason why is that it's your day off and your second reason is─"

♫Life in Equestria shimmers! Life in Equestria shiiiiiiines!♪

"That's why." He deadpans. "Let it ring out, and snap that damn thing to airplane mode."

"Airplane mode?" I tilt my head.

♫And I know for absolute certain, that everythiiiiiiiiiiing, yes everythiiiiiiiiiiiiing, yes everything is ceeertaaaaaaaainly fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!♪

As the phone finally stops ringing, he slides a finger down from the top of the screen to reveal a number of operational functions. He taps on the one icon I never use and explains it's function. "Airplane mode is like a do not disturb button with the additional certification of a 'to whom it may concern' being sent directly to voicemail. I suggest you get intimate with that option if you feel you need the time away."

"You sure you wanna piss off the princess of Equestria?" Smolder inquires slowly.

"This is just another day ending in Y for him." I summarize to her.

"And he catches on!" He proudly remarks. "I feel like a proud uncle already."

While I'm accepting of his praise, I snap back to the moment in the call where he explains how Ms. Royal had discussed with him how I'm supposed to be under restriction. "In speaking of catching on, can we circle back to something?"

"Sure, what's up?" He asks, pulling out his phone as it starts to ring. He doesn't even let it ring out, he sends it straight to voicemail.

"So, how much did Ms. Royal tell you about my restriction?"

He props himself up next to a light pole and taps his chin. "Well, she didn't explain everything, but I did manage to scoop the rest out of her."

"How?"

"She and I go back to the times of our investigation of that bullshit seven years back. You could say that our friendship is more predicated on the idea that I have to block her on all social media apps because of something you've probably figured out on your own."

"Why would you do─" I stop myself as brief images of her sexual deviancy pop up in my brain, stirring a bit of arousal in my human form. "─Oh, okay, I see what you mean."

"Yeah, her plus wife equals drama with a letter 'u' in it. Not interested in that one."

"There's no 'u' in drama." Smolder comments.

I nod at him, understanding his metaphor. "Okay, so what all did you scoop?"

"Enough. How's Jasper doing by the way?"

The sudden jump to that particular question has me seized for a good moment. "Uh... how did you?"

"It's just as I tell Blue, we don't have conversations." He says with a lowered head. "And also, I'm sure he probably has a grudge against me still."

"Major hate boner." Smolder adds.

"Figures." He sighs. "I don't blame him, he's been hating me since I knocked his sorry ass out on the frat house lawn. If anything, I warned him twice on not to come across me, and he did it anyways out of a fucking power trip."

"Why would he do that?" I question the former captain.

"Cause he and Mel had history, my sudden reappearance after appearing dead to this world seemed to take up all sorts of real estate in his mind. He didn't like the idea of her reconnecting to me because she started to like me. We had a fight, he lost, was sent to the hospital, found out he had some charges and warrants for some felonies, got locked up, paid bond, got abducted and sent to Equestria, thrown into an arena with me, we had another fight, he died, I lived, he became a science experiment." He then breathes a heavy sigh. "...And I was on a table beside him shortly after. Not a fun time."

"Wait, I thought he was the one who died. Not you. Why were you on an operating table beside him?"

He nods and cycles through his phone and pulls up a picture to show to the both of us. "Because of this."

At a moment's glance, I knew I was looking at some terrible nightmare-inducing stuff. I felt the warm human blood in my form run cold as the image remains undying on the screen. "That's him." I identify the face to the left.

"Yup."

"That's you." Smolder identifies the face to the right.

"Yup."

"Those are your bodies... right?" Smolder questions.

"Swapped." He answers bluntly.

As the brutal carnage persists on the screen, I notice a green unicorn with fiery orange hair dressed in a white lab coat. He appears quite pleased with the circumstances. "Who's the figure in the middle?" I ask.

"That's a face I want you two to hammer into your brains." He answers a moment before he goes back to his home screen and putting his phone away. "I'm sure that's the part of seven years ago that they won't exactly explain, but I figured you lot wanted answers for some questions, and being stuck at home wasn't going to get you anywhere. So while Blue was looking to circumvent some rules for fun, I took the opportunity to unofficially brief you on today."

"That's a hell of a way to brief us." Smolder complains.

"Well you wanted to look past the redacted text. I gave you a peek at what was redacted from all the files. And that bozo's name and face will be one of those items."

"Both his name and face?" She mulls. "Wait... was he─"

"Yeah. It's him." Nondis confirms in a low voice. "Now let me get you to understand the reason why I gave you a face to go by. Let's start off with something you might have seen."

He places his hand in his shirt, a soft glow appears. Shortly after, he's holding what appears to be some brochures for something. But the themes are certainly familiar. Promises of rapid magic development, a series of instructions on how to make it happen, and something speaking of a 'revelation'. While the brochures look to be trampled on and disfigured, the methods varying from one another, the intent is all the same. "Yeah... it's like the one we took off from those kids."

Smolder gives them a glance over, realizing what I had seen for myself. "Where did you get these?"

"I work as a crosswalk guard for an elementary school. Every now and then I'll see something like this on the ground. I talked about it with wifey, she had a word with school staff and administration, even had an audience with the students at the school, they were pretty excited to see her. But in short, we did all of that to warn the kids what this was really trying to accomplish."

"A revelation to speak with someone no longer living." Smolder concludes. "It seems someone want's to have an audience with that guy we saw."

"And with so many test variables, they're probably looking for what method works best." I cosign.

"Affirmative."

"So they're trying to dredge up some info from the necro-terrorist of seven years ago. Who the hell would be doing some stupid shit like that?" I ask.

"The Church of the Healing Hooves." He answers in a stately manner. "It's a religious organization that popped up some time ago on our shores. What started as a grassroot effort to spread the good word of their lord and savior upon the masses is now looking more and more like a cult trying to dig up some old bones. What makes matters worse is that these guys have absolutely no founding in Equestria."

"No founding means no royal investigations into their financial resources." I simplify.

"Exactly." He nods in affirmation. "No founding, no public money to keep things rolling. That can only mean one thing."

"They're financed from another country." I answer.

"Hot damn, you're on a roll." He briefly praises me. "But see, countries are a funny thing in the world of Questis. There are smaller countries like Zebrabwe, Yakyakistan and Saddle Arabia, then there are city-states like the Crystal Empire, Griffonstone, Arimaspi Mountain, places like that, but then there are overall larger powers that are more than capable of keeping an operation like this in the black."

"Like Equestria... and Ponyland."

"He can't be stopped, folks!" Nondis calls out sarcastically. "But yeah, they're sourced out in Ponyland, where this religion is not only founded and operational, but thriving and sanctioned on an imperial level."

That probably explains why Twilight doesn't look too favorably on their prince paying a surprise visit. "By sanctioned, do you mean─"

"I mean their emperor is a devout follower. Most of the imperial family is as well."

Yup, that about does it. "And there's no going there to change their minds, is there?"

"To Ponyland? No chance." Smolder finally interjects into the conversation. "Dragons are warned of going further east of Abyssinia because that's delving into Horsetralia, and they do as the Ponylandians do."

"Which is what?" I ask.

"Hunt down dragons."

I gawk back at Smolder in disbelief. "Seriously?"

Nondis steps in. "Regardless, if you want to make friends with someone from that region, I suggest you start with making them in high places. At least you could probably get away with being seen as a dignitary as opposed to a walking bag of roc bait."

Smolder expresses the impression the former captain's made with the information he was willing to share. "You know, you seem to really know your stuff. How did you poke around and get so much info?"

He rubs the back of his neck once more. "If you ask anyone I've worked with, they'll tell you that I don't condemn others to some shit I haven't went through myself." He looks over to me and gives me a concerned expression. "That's also a warning to not go as far as I have. Do what you can to keep your head attached, or you'll end up like me in that picture. Savvy?"

I give him a firm nod. "Savvy."

"Good." He says as he changes his tone back to a more up-tempo mode. "Now, let's get our minds back on the fun stuff!"

"Yeah, could use a little distraction." I mutter, still thinking about that haunting image.

The three of us finally get in line, walking to at least the midpoint of the entire queue. As we start to stand around and wait, Smolder taps on the former captain's side. "Hey, is the reason why you pulled us to the side was to discuss this without your wife seeing?"

"Look out Spike, you have a challenger."

Our time at the park was more than a fun distraction, it was also a helpful bit of insight and a critical juncture of information. While Nondis disclosed a lot of information, he also allowed us to get wise to what's taking place. And with the information at our disposal, I can at least go back and do my job tomorrow with some added benefit of having some greater knowledge of the subject.

We reconvened at the mansion, said our goodbyes, and Ms. Royal happily drove us back to the house where we started our journey. Walking through the garage and into the kitchen, we were greeted with an angry Twilight waiting in her usual regalia. Ms. Royal smiles for a bit before tailing off to the portal. Meanwhile, we were transformed back on the spot and marched through the portal into the throne room.

As of now, she's made us wait for fifteen minutes in complete silence before speaking.

"You know you're going to work extra hard tomorrow, Spike."

"Yeah, I know." I groan in response.

She looks to the others, mainly Gallus. "And you all know better than this. The fact that you did what you did, going along with Blue, was enough to put you yourselves and our world at a risk."

"Twilight, they just─"

"Spike, I don't want to hear it from you." She snaps at me before redirecting herself. "Now... what was the reason for all of you to do what you did?"

Everyone is quiet, not saying much of anything out of not eliciting an uncontrolled magic response. Twilight paces back and forth before Smolder clears her throat, quickly gaining the princess' attention. "So... yeah... we just wanted to spend some time with Spike."

"I know that Blue is impulsive. Don't try to take fault where it's not yours to do so." She answers to them. "But as for you Spike, I gave you a direct order and you disobeyed me. When she gave you that offer, it was your duty to refuse. I am deeply ashamed of what you've done. You could've caused more trouble for us getting Nondis involved."

I know I can't say much because Twilight communicates with Celestia frequently. I can only imagine the trouble Nondis will find himself in if she finds out that he's been doing investigations behind her back while in retirement. I grimace and accept the punishment to follow. "Sorry."

She shakes her head, looking towards the others. "The rest of you can go. Spike and I need some time alone. So please be dismissed."

The others quietly and slowly file out of the room. Smolder glances back for a second before walking out after the others. As the doors close behind them, it's now just me and Twilight in this spacious room. I stand quietly as she walks in front of me with a scowl on her face.

"What did you two talk about?"

"Nothing." I answer her.

She presses me further. "It's not like Nondis would drag you to another town in another world without reason. He did that so that it wouldn't be easy for me to come and get you."

"See, there we go." I grumble back to her. "Always making assumptions, never knowing the fact that he doesn't like his hometown as much as we loved seeing it. Can't I just chalk up the past day and some change as me getting the chance to enjoy myself in someplace new!?"

"I always said he's a bad influence." She snarls.

"Did you say that before or after you two dated, because I remember you getting him in trouble all the time."

"Me getting him into it, more like he always started it! Why do you think I say that, Spike!? I say that because I know how he's trouble!" She flares out her wings in frustration as she lets out a grunt. "Ever since you came back from the Dragon Lands, I wonder if you're even the same dragon that I took care of when we were younger!"

"That's it. That's the answer to all my questions right there." I say as I start to walk towards the exit. "Get a little older, develop a little more mind, and apparently everyone else can recognize me other than you. Maybe you should've picked up the hint when I started going through Dragon Lust, maybe that should've been your cue to pay attention. Obviously, you missed it."

"You are not walking away from this conversation." She says as she holds my feet in place with her magic. "You don't get to decide when to disobey me when I give you a set list of instructions. You don't get to act out, you have a position to maintain."

I take a deep breath and start counting down. "Ten... nine... eight... seven... six..."

"Oh what are you doing now?" She snaps.

The harshness of my tone slowly wilts as the numbers go lower, reaching even a whisper. "Five... four... three... two... one." I turn to her and inform her where I am at the moment. "I'm done with this conversation. I'm going to go to my room and stay there until tomorrow. You'll have your day off, I'll have my day away from you, we both walk away happy. Now please let me go."

Her bindings remain, she doubles down. "I am not finished with you."

I take another deep breath, but this time reaching deep into my chest. The heat begins to swell and creep up like a controlled burst of acid reflux. I breathe out from my nostrils, but they don't push air, rather smoke and green flames. A deep rumble sounds as I reach the tail end of my breath. Twilight stops to see that I'm not just telling her how done I am, I'm warning her.

"Oh sure, throw another fit if you want to."

I snap a claw out to grab at her horn, quenching the magic that seals my feet in place. I lean into her and speak in a threatening tone. "I. Am. Done. Here." I say as the crackling in my chest continues with each breath I take. She doesn't back down, but she's also not doing anything to stop me. I walk away from her, daring her to even try to stop me. She watches as I leave in a grumbling and crackling mood.

She gives one more set of instructions. "You raise the sun at dawn. Get up early to use the sundial."

"Fine."