Simplified

Unfortunately for me, my return back home is further inundated by detours and more bad news. I'm still astounded by the prize placed on my head, and also the compounded fact that Ember used this as evidence to pursue my status. As of now, I'm completely at the mercy of whatever she deems as 'concern', even if it means that she'd be willing to drag my scaly ass back to the Dragon Lands for whatever reason.

However, our detour hits a little snag before we even reach the starting line. "What do you mean you can't go to Canterlot?"

Hestia is more than eager to take the trip, seeing any place having something other than what's already at home. "Of course we can, Princess Twilight is even going so far as allowing us to ride the train there, with her personal escort."

Meanwhile, Zenobia shows resistance to the idea. "Don't care! Not going!"

"Why do you not want to go?" Hestia presses the noble-blooded sibling.

"It seems that a certain someone is afraid of a little accountability." Twilight quips at the mare's expense.

"For your information, it's not that!" The albino alicorn challenges. "I'm a princess, for fucks sake! I can't be going around in the nude for some random pedestrians of some other country to be looking and leering about! I have an image to maintain!"

"That's your concern, your image?" The way Amor says it clearly reflects my level of skepticism towards her reasoning, even if it is a valid concern for herself. We just know that she's not shy to having a tryst with me in front of her father and siblings at the breakfast table.

Twilight looks down at herself and illustrates her counterargument. "Equestrians don't typically wear clothes. To me, that seems more like an excuse of you not wanting to run the risk of facing the Dragon Lord, and explaining what all you've done."

"I don't have a problem facing anyone!" She shouts. "My concern is simply stated: I am of noble blood, walking among the common ilk, uncovered and with no show of my importance or status! I do not accept any invitation to any castle without a formal attire!"

"Well it's too late now, you're in one of my castles even as we speak." Twilight points out.

Zenobia shrieks as she immediately seeks the curtains of a nearby window, but stops herself short as she glares disapprovingly. "To think that I would be made to wear such impromptu attire... the disgrace."

I start to rub the side of my head, knowing that if we don't resolve this issue, it'll only grow into an even worse headache than I'm already dealing with. "Twilight, can we just head over to Yona's? It'll be a one-pit stop, shouldn't take us long. We'll just get some clothes and go."

Hestia's ears flicker at my suggestion. "Clothes? We're going for clothes?" She seems a bit excited. "And this Yona, what kind of name is that for a mare? I thought you Equestrians name yourselves differently, but not like that."

"She's a yak who lives in a boutique in town." I simply explain.

The look of pure revulsion comes across Zenobia's face as I mention that. "A yak? How utterly disgusting, a disaster! Dear pet, what do you plan on putting me in, some stupid ball of yarn? I'd like to think I took better care of you than to subject me to that disgusting style of apparel!" She shudders at the thought. "Just the idea of it is already making my body itch all over!"

Solemn taps me and whispers up to me. "Speaking awfully high of herself, especially after purposefully exposing her playtime with you." The fact that she knows that makes me cringe with embarrassment.

Amor tries to play the role of devil's advocate. "Well... I do know that the yak clothing options can be... warm... and their colors do tend to be a most beautiful shade of... earth tones?" He's unconvincingly playing the role of devil's advocate.

"Um..." Even Hestia shares her doubts. "I know this sounds a bit... critical... but what boutique would a yak run?"

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE─!"

If I could equate Hestia's reaction to anything upon our being teleported here, it would be that of a loud siren telling the costal town that a tsunami's on the way inland. She barely even breathes with how long she's been going at it. Solemn Oath has both of her ears plugged and she's still groaning from discomfort. Zenobia's jaw seems to have an attraction to the floor, and Twilight's smug expression towards her casts an air of superiority and subverting expectations.

Amor glances towards me with pity. "Oh boy, you brought Hestia shopping, for luxury brands. May whatever deity have mercy on your soul."

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE─*gasp*" Oh good, she's taking a break. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Never mind. "These are the ultra-exclusive brands that no one can dare hope to import! You LITERALLY have to buy these in the chain brand stores! Oh my gosh! Boutíque For You, the exclusive line signed by the new global fashion phenom Rarity Belle!? I never knew I needed this so much in my life! LOOK AT THAT DRESS!"

"Is she always like this?" I ask to Amor.

"If she's looking for fashionable wear, this is the expression she's going to have."

As we quietly observe the chaotic being that is Hestia in a shop full of trendy fashions, Zenobia walks along the walls, seeing a multitude of dress options with varying colors, accessorized schemes, and jeweled themes. Twilight keeps a very watchful eye on her as I walk up to her. "Finding something you like?"

"Quite a bit, actually." She tilts her head up to me. "Is there something in pink?"

"I thought you hated pink."

"I do. Goes with my eyes though." She shrugs.

Just on cue, a certain yak finally descends from the stairs and offers a friendly greeting to the alicorn princess. "Goodness me! I never expected such a guest to enter into our humble boutique! What can I do for you?"

Zenobia stares blankly at the large creature, then back to me, and finally back to her. "Huh, you sure don't sound the build you've put on."

"Zenobia, your majesty, this is Yona. She's the one in charge of this shop." I kindly bring their attention to one another. "Yona, this is Princess Rosa Zenobia."

The yaks eyes widen for a short while, she's clumsily caught between trying not to bump into something and bowing out of respect. "Your majesty, Yon-uh, I mean, I-I am honored to─"

"You know, you can be yourself, Yona." I advise.

The yak drops her attempt to sound poignant, showing relief in my suggestion. "Thanks, Spike. Yona still has trouble code switching. Yona tries best, but doesn't always work without Yona bumping into others." She finally brings her attention to the prospective client beside me. "Yona believes pretty alicorn could go with newly released amethyst line. Line inspired by seamstress Rarity's visits to Crystal Empire."

The imperial princess raises her brows at the source of inspiration. "The Crystal Empire? I thought that place was a rumor."

"Far from. In fact, majesty's older brother serves as Emperor of city-state. He once served as Captain of Royal Guard."

Zenobia briefly appears impressed before seeing a proud smirk on Twilight's face. She immediately shifts herself to appear not as impressed. "Huh, I've met one of those."

"So Yona understand. How is Mr. Nondis?"

Her mind mainly flashes back to the first impression of him, the sight of him holding her subordinates before casually breaking all of their necks in a display of brutality. "A bit scary." Then she remembers the conversation he has with her as she lied injured in bed. "But I do hear his world is quite splendid to look at through a night's lens."

"How splendid?" The yak inquires.

"Massive towers in colorful lights, far dwarfing the trees around it." I turn towards her, immediately bringing back the image of Austin in my head. "What?"

"Did he show you that?" I ask.

"Just a photograph of it."

"I see." I mutter as Yona brings up a pretty pink dress for Zenobia to try on. While they go on about their way, I see Hestia walking towards Sandbar with a mountain of clothes ready to be bought up and stashed away somewhere. I stammer as the mountain of clothes appear taller than her.

She places everything at the register, Sandbar playing as an attendant to help his fiancée. "Are you ready to check out, ma'am?"

"HELL YEAH! LET'S GO!"

It takes a little while for him to ring everything up, but he gets it done eventually. "Okay, so your total will come up to ฿783,291."

She confidently slams her hoof on the counter. "Put it on my tab!"

Amor walks beside her, finally bringing her back to reality with the unfortunate reminder of where she currently isn't. "Uh, Hestia, he said bits (฿), not spurs (₷)."

"Oh... well..." She looks back at Amor, who doesn't seem to budge in helping her. She smiles sheepishly towards Sandbar. "Well... this is awkward."

I shake my head and step up to the counter. "My tab then."

"Of course you'd pick it up." He chuckles at me. "Black membership number?"

"BLACK MEMBERSHIP!?" Hestia screams at me. "YOU HAVE A BLACK MEMBERSHIP FOR AN EXCLUSIVE BRAND!?"

I politely offer my membership number to Sandbar. "Zero. Six. One. Four. Zero. Nine. Nine. Four."

Sandbar pecks at the register, a bell chimes as a result. "Okay, your membership took. So your new total will come down to ฿7,833."

"AHT!" Zenobia interjects, placing her dress beside the mountainous pile Hestia already placed down. "This dress as well."

Hestia tugs at my wing, hovering to my shoulder with her question. "How the heavens did you get a black membership to the Boutíque For You line? They don't even offer those to some of the industry elites!"

"I have connections." I deadpan.

The pegasus mare peers back to the patiently waiting purple alicorn by the door. "Oh, right, you're second to the princess."

"Yeah, let's go with that." Sandbar mutters behind a stifled laugh. "New total is ฿8,340."

Since my phone has all of my account information about my trips to the boutique, I know that I am flying blind for the moment. But I know that Rarity was kind enough to pay back my earlier years of volunteer work for her. While I'd rather other things serve as reward, she adamantly offers store-credit as her treat for the things I've done. Either way... "How much do I have on store credit?"

"You have store credit for this place too?" Hestia continues to bombard me with questions.

Sandbar presses a button on the register, the balance zeroes out with hundreds of thousands of credits to spare. "Okay, you're all set. Let me get these bagged for you."

Amor drops his head, knowing that Hestia's going to obligate him to carrying all of her newly-acquired wardrobe. The pegasus squeaks with satisfaction as she pronks in place. "Now I have an even better problem, I don't know what I'm wearing!"

Zenobia takes her new dress and immediately runs for a changing room. It takes her little time to get dressed while Hestia treats her bags like a file cabinet over what she wants to go out in. By the time she reveals even more of her indecisiveness, the noble-blood princess appears with her new dress on, proudly sashaying towards me. "Not bad, pet. I figured you were well-groomed, but I didn't pin you for being well-cultured also."

"Well... I have my learnings." I humbly brag.

Sandbar doesn't leave the register yet, only dropping his head under the register. "Oh yeah, hold up a minute, Spike."

I already have an idea of what that usually means. "Oh, what do you got for me now?"

He pulls out a ceremonial outfit, already tailored to my more recent fittings, probably a little looser because I haven't stopped growing yet. "Rarity sent this in for you."

And once more, Hestia shouts with irrational exuberance. "THE FASHION ICON HERSELF!?"

Sandbar playfully hits my arm. "Perks of being a Boutique Black™ member. She got the news you were stuck in Ponyland, so she made this as a way to distract herself from your possibly coming up missing... or worse. Then when she heard that you were on the way back, so she had it finished and shipped here on one-day. It just landed in store like yesterday afternoon when Gabby dropped it off. She wanted you to at least drop by and pick it up, if not us giving it to you before your next official meeting."

"It seems these Black perks are pretty generous." Zenobia closes the space between us. "Mind telling me what else are you hiding from us, my dear pet?"

Sandbar growls towards me with a raised brow. "Oh?"

Twilight, having more than enough of the foreign princess' advances, calls from the other side of the room. "Goodness sake Spike, just tell them the truth already!"

Sandbar does it for me. "He's been an assistant to Rarity during her transformative years, and also been friends with her for just as long."

"So you mean to tell me that you've got DIRECT CONNECTS!?" Again, Hestia is just so passionate about fashion. I don't even know where any of this came from.

"Cultured and connected indeed." Zenobia smiles as she places a hoof on my cheek, turning my head towards her as she firmly plants her tongue against mine and her lips to a similar contest. I hear a deeply unsatisfied groan from Twilight as I can assume her eyes lock to the mare that so brazenly exchanged an amorous gesture before her... yet again. "My interest grows in you, pet. We should find time to... discuss matters." She brushes my nose with her tail as she glides by.

While the moment in itself is a bit of a shock for me, it's much more of one for Sandbar who's stuck in stare. "Uh, are you two... seeing─"

I wise up and try to pretend that instance of contact didn't even happen, at least to prevent Twilight from going magic-nuclear. "Well would you look at the time! Our train is soon to set off any minute now! Let's get moving so we don't miss it!" I drag Amor and Hestia with me right out the door, Zenobia trotting past with all intent to silently brag about that kiss to the princess trying her best to remain civilized.

"Wow, he's really got quite an assembly of characters chasing after him these days." Solemn comments towards the high princess. "Turn him into a human, and you've got the old captain's previous situation all over again."

"Not a damn chance! I didn't raise him to be anything like that asshole!" Twilight exclaims. "I'm really starting to believe he's been around that guy for a week far too long! Once he gets to Canterlot, he's going to be a very busy dragon!" She storms out of the boutique, leaving Solemn behind to comment to the others.

"Let's just hope that whatever he went through these past few weeks wasn't as bad as seven years ago."

After our trip to the boutique, I offer some help to Amor in carrying all of Hestia's newfound luggage. We meet back up with Kalimba at the train station with just enough time to see our ride sail on in. Once we get seated, Amor starts listing off the numerous differences between the rail system in Ponyland and that of our own. Despite our two countries being connected by that same link our rails seem to be vastly thicker in parts, and our trains are far more updated. However, being that this is still the initial trial line running between Canterlot and Ponyville, they quickly discover how fast our trains operate. It's funny to think about it, our airships are years off of those in their country, while we've started to develop trains that make what was a two hour journey into a forty-five minute commute.

Those forty-five minutes sail by, but not without a few incidents here and there. Twilight still has me under watch, and very much under her wing for the duration of the ride. She quietly stares out the window, looking at her kingdom passing us by. But the glass offers a faint reflection of me and the aisle, which Zenobia frequents in anticipation of catching me when Twilight's not paying attention. Sadly for her, she's been keeping my legs glued to the seat, even erecting a barrier with every pass the imperial princess makes. The last five minutes of the ride has just been Zenobia hovering over our seats, acting as a starved vulture looking to swoop in for their next meal.

I know Zenobia is a bit of a nympho, but this is starting to get out of hoof.

We finally make our stop in the Canterlot Grand Station, where a small contingent of guards welcome us with salutes and spears towering over our path. Twilight yanks me along for the walk outside while the imperial princess is further mocked by her, who does everything in her power to pretend she's not even there.

Amor and Hestia go above the antics of the two high nobles and partake in the streets of our capital city. He's the most relieved of all of us. "Home sweet Canterlot! How I've missed the air of this place! A bit chilly from the altitude at times, but when that sun gets to beaming, look out!"

"This place ain't too bad!" Hestia comments. "Never thought they'd build the city on the side of the mountain as opposed to the bottom, the top, or within it! It was pretty precarious looking on the way in, but I feel comfortable with it now that I'm here!"

"And your trains are quite expeditious." Amor praises. "Perhaps that is the reason why Mr. Nondis does not fare well with them."

"Sure. We'll go with that." Twilight mutters as our carriages wheel up close to the sidewalk. A guard steps out and opens the door to our cart, revealing the soft seats hiding within.

Another carriage wheels itself behind ours, offering a ride to the imperial family. They see a similar setup for themselves. "Ooh, swanky." Hestia hops in first, sighing with relaxation from the cushiony landing. "And so soft, I can totally sleep in this!"

"Yeah, they'll get you right these days." I comment before I look to Kalimba, who doesn't seem too interested in riding with us. "Not rolling in with us?"

She returns a warm smile, having made up what she wants to do in her mind. "My job here is done for the most part. I got you home, now it's my turn to do the same."

"But what about your clearances and devices?" I ask.

"I'll get them tomorrow." She dismisses. "Right now, I just want go and hold my son for a while."

Twilight happily considers her request, summoning a sealed bubble-wrap envelope with her important credentials and her phone. "Consider it an unofficial debrief."

"Thank you." She says with a soft expression, turning to me to offer a word of parting. "It was interesting, Spike. We'll work again soon, but not too soon I hope."

"Yeah, maybe we'll be on a much more peaceful assignment for next time."

She gives a brief laugh before galloping down the street. "That would be convenient!"

While she departs, Hestia pokes her head out from the carriage, offering her farewell. "Aw, bye! Wish we could see you more!"

"Thank you for all you've done!" Amor also adds.

"She wasn't that bad actually." Zenobia mutters as she climbs into her carriage.

I feel a tap on my shoulder. "Hmm?" I turn around to see a similar bubble wrap envelope offered to me, knowing what's inside. "Ah, there you go. Come back to daddy."

"Try not to get too browse-happy this time. You still have a job to do when we get back."

"No promises." I answer as I turn on my phone... only to have the screen not come on at all. I try starting it up again, getting no response at all. "Hey, the battery's dead." I complain.

"Well I can't charge it when it's sealed up." She explains sarcastically.

"Then unseal it, charge it, and seal it back up." I stress in return.

"That would defeat the purpose of it being sealed." She argues. "You already know what our protocol entails, I don't see why you act like you're brand new to this when you've been doing this for some years now. Like can you at least pretend that you aren't this dumb?"

"Ugh... you never change." I answer exhaustedly.

"And you change too much!" She replies loudly. "Sometimes I wish you had never grown wings, maybe that would keep your head out of the clouds so damn often."

"What was that!?"

"You heard me, you know what I said! I swear, you being around Nondis is like a nightmare playing on repeat! All you do is pick up his terrible habits! Maybe I should keep you here for more than a mental screening or two!"

"As if I'd be willing to stay!"

"Ugh, I can't believe you're like this over some stupid phone!" She gripes, offering her phone to me as a way to satisfy me. "You know what, here! Just take this and do things!"

I halfway think to accept her offer, but then the flashback of our incidental online run-in plays in my head, how I managed to send some compromising material to an online anonymous account thinking I was going to get some sultry exchanges in the messages. I push back her phone. "No way! I don't wanna run into whatever the hell you've been up to in the wild hours of the night!" Her eyes pop open and she rescinds her offer in a mere second. "Yeah, that's what I thought!"

As Solemn boards the carriage with the imperial family, the young prince comments about our interactions. "They really do act more like siblings, don't they."

Solemn answers the young prince. "Well, she and her family did adopt him as such."

Just from our arrival to the castle, I can tell the many ways in which their experience differs from mine. I'm sure it had to be a bit of a culture shock to see so many other creatures mingling with ponykind. Changelings, yaks, an occasional dragon or two, nocturnals, kirin, griffons, hippogriffs, mules, donkeys, you name it, they all mingled with one another in harmony. Everyone welcomes them with no impunity or directed disdain. Guards welcomed them as our esteemed guests from across the way, just like it should be done. It's much better than showing up to the castle in a cage after having a number of axes, spears, and daggers chucked your way.

Unfortunately, our guards and royal staff weren't the only ones looking to greet us with a warm welcome.

The moment we pulled into the courtyard, there's a number of creatures with press badges and cameras perked around the parapets and battlements of the keep. All of them are just waiting, salivating even, to get the first juicy scoop of my return home. And sadly, there's very little I can do about it personally. They want their scoop, and they'll work for it too.

Thankfully, we already have protocols for this kind of stuff. As soon as the guards make an aisle for us, we know it's time to systematically hop out of our carriages and move briskly towards the castle doors in silence. Thankfully, Solemn rode in with them, so she'll be able to clue them in on our methods. After all, they don't need to disclose anything without the statements being carefully vetted to avoid speculation.

But not everyone is quiet and complacent to the protocol. Zenobia predictably shows visible annoyance and trots behind me, whispering in her mode of ire. "What is this heaping pile of nuisance looking to swamp us like vultures?"

"That would be the public press." I mutter. "They'll be asking us all sorts of questions once we start moving. Your best bet is to stay quiet and keep it pushing. Don't give them any sound bytes to go on."

"Well it would make more sense if you'd instituted a death penalty for getting in your way, at least a modest prison sentence to keep the grounds clean." She suggests.

Amor flags her comment and corrects her on her approach. "Zenobia, we are in a different country. Try to remember that before suggesting a death sentence for merely asking questions."

Numerous pairs of pegasi with black umbrellas fly above the party of imperials, guarding them carefully from unwanted closeups. A quartet of unicorns unfurl black sheets to walk us along the way to further protect us against unwanted photography as well as video footage. After all preparations have been made, Solemn gives the motion for our caravan to advance.

A voice hails from the top of the castle steps, issuing a firm order to the press bonanza. "No cameras, no recordings, all questions will be answered upon a later date! We ask now for your compliance in these restrictions! If you are without a press badge, please vacate the premises at this time! Trespassers will be detained for questioning and all materials will be confiscated for search and seizure! If compromising material is found, your items will be forfeit to the Royal Authority and your press badges revoked! Thank you for your understanding!"

Some of the lurking press, namely those who lurk around the grounds for some of the regional tabloids, follow the commands issued and leave without incident. A few protest, only to be questioned for their belligerence. Others with their press passes are made to merely jot down notes of what they see.

I know it seems a bit controversial for this to be our approach, but there's still the matter of some classified information that could be discussed on accident. And it namely pertains to Ponyland's religious practices and deity. And since that's still an item worthy of note, we've made precautions to not have that spill out to the public. We finally get to the foyer of the castle, the doors closing behind us with parasols and blankets blocking the view. Once the doors shut, they disperse and we're allowed to go about our scheduled direction.

Zenobia shows interest in our atypical approach for discretion. "Not quite the threat of an execution, but I suppose that works."

Twilight nods to the stallion who hailed out the disclaimer to all of the grounds. "Thank you again, Sir Stanton."

"Always a pleasure." The stallion salutes back before also greeting me. "Spike, good to see you still shy of six feet and not under it."

Zenobia's confusion for his metaphor is a given. "Is there some sort of a language barrier here?"

He looks at the mare who eases me the question and whispers to Twilight. "Psst, who's this?" While the imperial alicorn remains confused about his vernacular, the purple princess purses her lips and glances over to me. He quirks a brow before walking past, greeting Hestia instead. "And wouldn't you know it, you look like a pegasi version of Mel."

I politely introduce the two. "Stanton, this is Princess Hestia."

"Former princess. I'm pretty much giving it all up to live here." She corrects me while extending a hoof to him in greeting.

"Yeah, being princess ain't all that's cracked up to be, I'll tell you what." He says with a chuckle.

The pink pegasus appears slightly perturbed by his approach of familiarity, laughing awkwardly in return. Zenobia, to her credit, does step in and offer to correct him over it. "You seem to have a casual approach to how you speak to imperial royalty."

While under most circumstances, I'm sure he would dial things back a bit. But considering who his brother is, and him pretty much picking up on Twilight's vibes, he's not exactly willing to resort to that first. "What, you want me to bow down and kiss your hooves or something?"

"The disrespect..." She mutters. "No thanks. I have my dear pet for that." She walks over to me, inching close as she makes a request for me to correct him. "In speaking of which, would you mind issuing him some sort of reprimand for the level of disrespect he's clearly displaying?"

He doesn't spare an ounce of his tongue. "Spike, don't tell me she's got you pussy whipped that bad, man. She's got you out like that, in public?"

She goes even further with her possessiveness of me. "Wouldn't be the boldest thing I've done." She directs her answer as a thinly-veiled reminder towards the purple princess, giving more of a reason for her to remain irate.

"Ayo, pause!" He takes a moment to think. "You must be that one chick who showed off on the transmission, who was getting the work done."

And of course, she takes great pride in her doings. "And I take it you must have been there. Did you enjoy the show that I put on?"

Instead, it's Twilight who's urging me to provide some correction. "Spike..."

"I know, I'll talk to her." I comply, trying to not let things get out of control. I pat the imperial alicorn on her back as I try to warn her. "Hey, I know you're in a bit of a celebratory mood, but can we just, maybe, dial it back a little─"

"SPIKE!"

I know the source of that voice, and every ounce of my soul curls with dread as that familiar shrill sharply calls out my name. Stanton grimaces as he looks to me. "You wanna run that one by Ms. chief over there?"

I facepalm myself, knowing that this situation is now going from bad to fubar. "I'd rather not."

My eyes peek through my fingers, seeing the blue dragoness barrel towards me with every intent to chew me out, and she shows no reservation on that front. "You are a fucking idiot, you know that!? Of all places you get sent to and not tell me, you went to Ponyland! PONYLAND! Did you know you could've gotten yourself killed!? Hell, they would've done worse over your corpse if they had the chance!"

I start to rub my temples in a bid to massage away my headache. "Ember─"

She doesn't allow me to do that as easily, grabbing my arm for the duration of my attempt. "Let me look at you! Tell me what all happened, what did you do, what did they do to you, who did what they did, how did you get back?"

I try to reclaim possession of my arm. "Ember─"

She yanks me in, pointing a claw at my nose with a violent warning. "You're not going to ignore me this time! I'm here, and I'm the first motherfucker you'll seeing about it! So you can either bitch about the fact that I give a shit enough to be this much of a hardass to you, or you can pussy out and try to face me later! Either way, you're going to have this discussion with me! Deal with it!" In a jarring juxtaposition, she alters her approach from her more hot-headed dragon approach to a civil one when changing the address of her discussion. "Oh hey, other ponies."

Stanton stares at the dragoness and makes a comment under his breath. "Shades of CTE and a broken neck with that case of whiplash."

While the others are mum on Ember's treatment of me, Zenobia proves herself yet again as the source of verbal dissent. "Excuse me, I understand that you're a dragon, but do you honestly think this is in any way acceptable, the way you're treating him?"

The dragoness shrugs. "Yeah, Spike my mate."

Ain't no way she said that out loud, with her full chest. "Augh... Hello!?"

"You're still in deep shit with me, you shut your mouth and let me handle this!" As per usual, she goes from the level of verbal capslock to a finely worded letter addressed to 'whom it may concern'. "So yeah, Spike is my mate. I'm going to probably yank him by his tail, drag him some place, and pop a few clutches, maybe get a few eggs out of the deal."

I can't help but to pinch the bridge of my eyes as Stanton mutters. "Jesus lord, girls these days."

I don't have to predict the future of who's not too happy about that. "I'm sorry, I don't think I can accept that."

"Accept what?"

"You being his mate." The imperial princess contests with modest disgust.

Ember blinks in confusion. "What are you trying to say?"

Zenobia boldly walks between us, driving a wedge amidst me and Ember. "I'm just saying that a creature like him that's cultured, connected, skilled in home economics, and a good lover shouldn't be engaged to anything less than what he deserves. And with the way you're acting, I don't see you being anywhere near privileged to his qualities."

"Oh this shit just got real, I'm calling for heavy reinforcements." Stanton says as he goes for his phone.

"Please get the help. I don't think I can hold both of them back." I cosign as I try to place myself between the two feuding parties.

"Something he doesn't deserve!?" The comment causes the dragoness to spew magenta flames from her snout. "I might be mistaken, but last I checked you're not a dragon."

Once more, the imperial princess remains steadfast. "So you're a dragon, so is he. And your point is what exactly?"

"That's all there is to it! This is dragon business, so if you could be so 'cultured' as to stay out of it, I'm sure we won't have a problem."

The mare flicks her mane, proudly declaring herself. "And you think I'll acquiesce to the demands, the gall of some brute to claim what's rightfully mine?"

"YOURS!?"

"Oh this is getting worse by the second." Stanton's already got a call on the phone as he hears a tiny response from the speaker. "Ayo, bro. Port yourself on over here, bro. It's getting a little too real right now, it's about to be a battle royale, and I don't know how to deal with dragons... or this other chick who's really hurting to start some shit."

I try to negotiate with the Ponyland princess. "Zenobia, can we please bring it down a bit?"

"Yeah, you might wanna talk some common sense into her, because she obviously doesn't know who she's dealing with." Ember angrily points out .

"And who do you think you are?" Asks the imperial with laughing dismissal.

The dragoness yanks at my wing, painfully coaxing me to be drawn towards her. "I am Ember, Lord of all Dragons! This one's my mate, the Dragon Lord before me!"

A pause of shock comes over the usually combative princess. She now addresses her disbelief to me. "Dragon LORD!? The Lord of ALL Dragons? YOU!?"

"It was forty-five seconds! I don't even consider it a thing worth noting!"

"All these things about you, we need to have a long sit-down with it! Had I know that, I would've chewed out my brother harder than I already have!" She says before retreating to a moment of fond reflection. "Huh... Dragon Lord, no wonder you're so well endowed."

Ember overhears her final comment, screeching and seething flames from the sides of her mouth. "EXCUSE ME!?"

The alicorn plants her forelegs on my shoulder, proudly citing her deeds. "Yes, he and I copulated, fornicated, stimulated, masturbated, culminated, and ejaculated. We fucked, plain and simple!" She leans her head into mine, giving the dragoness a smug glare. "And he's damn good at it! He's the only bastard that can pick me up and toss me around like a used ragdoll before fucking me senseless in every way imaginable! And if you don't believe me, ask that purple one over there!" She directs her smirk to Twilight. "She's witnessed just how dominating he can be." Twilight narrows her eyes with rebuke as she shows a desire to let things fester on with greater risk to the arrogant princess' health.

In a mode of rage, Ember rips me from under her before going nose to nose with the mare. "Who the hell do you think you are to tell me that you've sullied what is mine?"

"I am High Princess Zenobia, the first in the imperial lineage of Ponyland." Ember growls with a slow turn towards me. "And that one you carelessly threw away is my dear pet, my one and only who has gone beyond the call of a single night and has done well to satiate my lustful cravings. In exchange, I saved his life. Then he saved me, and now I'm indebted to him. So now he's mine to herald."

"Ponyland... you broke your seed into a princess... OF PONYLAND!?"

I once more try to get between the two, building a gap as I try to negotiate matters with the dragoness. "Okay, Ember, I can explain─"

"Yes, please explain everything you've treated me to." She says with a smirk, weaving her magic to form a leash from my collar. "And by all means, explain our little method of betrothal."

The rage that's been built within Ember bursts into a powerful release of her dragon fire, scorching the grounds before her as she bears her fires for the mare. "YOU POACHING SLUT!"

Zenobia leaps back to assume a defensive stance, yanking a spear from a nearby guard. "You shit-smelling cunt!"

Ember screams as I try to withhold her. "YOU MURDEROUS BITCH! I'LL FUCKING BURN YOU TO ASHES!"

The imperial mare bears a grin of pride, "If only you could try! My brother would easily serve you as a trophy! If you're what passes as Dragon Lord, then no wonder your species is so easily hunted!"

"I WILL FUCKING IMMOLATE YOU!" She shoves me out of the way, darting towards the mare with claws bared, fangs sharp, and fire in full blaze. Zenobia looks to cast a spell, quickly chanting a powerful incantation that reveals three circular runes around her. Twilight's eyes widen as she sees the spell that's being woven, starting to realize the urgency of interfering in the waking skirmish.

But just as quickly as the temperature in the hall reaches a criticality, it's snuffed by an innumerable set of shadowy tendrils yanking down Ember just a few feet from reaching the mare. It appears that her intent was to blast Zenobia at point-blank range with her fire. But even that residual hope of setting flame to her from a distance is snuffed out by another tendril gagging the dragoness. "P̶͓͝Ļ̸̅À̷̠Y̵͔̐T̷͙̈I̵̱̅M̵̢̔E̴̺͒!̷̝́" Nondis surfaces from deep in the shadows, easily whipping aside the infuriated dragoness. "Is over!"

Zenobia, seeing an opportunity to complete her incantation on a restrained Ember, quickly finishes up her spell. But before she can reach a peak of her call, A gloved hand snags her horn, completely quenching all of her work. Her legs are kicked from under her and a heavy weight placed against her side as another human looks down on her. "Ma'am... no."

Nondis rolls his eyes as he easily keeps Ember restrained. "Stats, bro, I just got home. Why do you still have me babysitting?"

"Sorry, bro. I needed a ref to call the play."

"You realize my wife's pissed I left her again, right? And I mean she's flaming pissed. I gotta deal with that firenado when I get back home."

"Sorry, didn't know who else to call. Alex doesn't know magic, much less how to deal with dragons. Mel and Rick don't know how to deal with alicorns. And Cliff is literally in a whole other world. Who else could I count on?"

Amor, who was quiet during the exchange, and even more helpless to stop it, expresses his shock in seeing both humans in the same room. "There's more of you?"

"You try not to worry about that." Nondis answers before turning back to Stanton. "And you, try to remember that we have an alicorn princess who knows how to deal with dragons and alicorns alike."

"Without causing an international conflict?" Stanton inquires.

"Bro, you ain't seen my wife these past few days."

"Okay I get it, literal sun god. But still, you haven't seen little missy down here talk shit, like she's been doing it since she got here."

"Oh no, she can hit some hella sensitive topics if you let her keep going. I namely chalk that one up to her lord and savior, good ol' doctor crispy." He gives the mare a sharpened stare as to remind her of the last time she's gone that far. "She should be lucky I left the wife back home, she was in a bed for the better part of five days recovering from what Tia dished out to her back in Foalsom. And to this moment, she obviously can't stop playing with fire. You'd think one set of second-degree burns would be enough." He turns his attention to Ember and questions her. "Now you, what's your damage? What's got you to the point of burning her face off at point-blank range like a blowtorch to a pack of hot dogs?"

The tendrils slightly free from her snout, allowing her to speak but not direct any blasts of fire. "She threatened to have me killed!"

He goes back to Zenobia. "You, what did she say to you?"

"She tried to claim my dear pet! And let's not talk about the manner which she proceeded to toss him around like some ragdoll worthy of the bin!"

"Oh Jesus fuck, this again." He turns his eyes towards me. "You. Out with it. No bullshit, no beating around the bush, let them know where they fit, or where they don't. Now, please."

While I am grateful that this situation has been brought down to a more comfortable level of tolerance, I know that it will be difficult to have the two understand that neither of them are going to be the choice for my affections going forward. I can already see how my future negotiations with them end up damaging a lot of work I've put in throughout the years. But I also understand that my lack of transparency would only escalate matters further. Today was already an exercise in that scenario, and I'm not looking to repeat it. "...Neither of you are going to work."

"Why?" He asks in place of them.

"Because I'm not interested in an exclusive relationship."

"And?" He prods further.

"...I'm already in schedule with a griffon, a changeling, and another."

"Another what?" He crosses his arms, waiting for the word to come out of me.

I look at Ember, already regretting how this would probably go. "...Dragon." Her reaction is just as upsetting as I imagined it to be, her eyes falling down to see the disappointment catching up to her. I can't help but to feel for her, but I'm also harboring a sense of relief now that I don't have to hide Smolder from her as much as I have up to this point.

"There you go." Meanwhile, Nondis expresses a word of warning. "Don't be like me and make shit complicated, Spike. Stay away from the decagon of drama. Keep it simplified, short, and to the point. For the love of Christ, don't fall into the same pratfalls I stepped into in the past. You'll find life so much easier that way."

I give a sarcastic response, seeing the ill-tempered expression of betrayal on Ember's face. "I'm gonna die, aren't I?"

"That's inevitable. How soon it's gonna happen is all based on the choices you make, the things you say..." He turns his head to Zenobia, doubling the warning to her also. "The way you treat others."

I take heed to his words of wisdom and quietly approach the snarling dragoness, who looks at me with every bit of the venom I deserve for not telling her. "Ember, I'm sorry. I just didn't want to deal with the extra... this that just happened." I direct myself to Zenobia as well. "And I know that what I have is pretty fun to hang on to, don't you think I'm a bit too young for you? Like I haven't even hit my twenties yet. There's a part of me that wish you could tag along for the ride, but I know you'd be very unhappy with that choice because of where I am. And I don't expect you to accept that either, playing second for someone who's playing second for someone who's playing second." She appears disappointed by the idea that I'm not going to be exclusive to her. I return my gaze to Ember. "And obviously I've already broken past my dragon lust. Not to sound crude, but at this point all I'm giving is dragon dust. I went through the whole dragon ritual thing, and I was drunk at the time. I shouldn't have to be prompted to anger to get things going with you, you know that. And if you can't respect the fact that I'm not interested in doing that each and every time we meet, then I don't want to deal with you. I don't know how many times I have to say that."

"Setting boundaries are important." Stanton comments.

I walk away, taking a more neutral position between the two. "I think I'm happy with the choices I've made. I'm just sorry that I can't give either of you what you're looking for. But that's where I am now. I know it's selfish to request it, but I only ask that you'd accept me as I am for the moment. And if not, then that's okay. I understand it upsets you, and I'm willing to make amends for the trouble I've put you through as long as we're willing to get along."

I sigh from the exhaustion of finally resolving this situation. The others express similar relief, thankful for the peace that has ensued in the previously loud hallway. Captain Solemn walks beside me, giving me praise for finding a way to word my apologies to either party. "True to your title, Sir Spike."

However... peace was not achieved between the two. Instead, they'd go on to hurl obscene remarks towards one another.

"You sack of shit!" Zenobia shouts.

Ember screams back. "Who the fuck
are you talking to!?"

"You, you unkempt sewage bitch!"

"The fuck you calling a bitch!? I'm not
the one who's got my ass tooted to the air!"

"You're just mad I got the good before you!"

"At least I know how to carry myself
with some mode of dignity!"

"I'm Princess Zenobia of Ponyland, my
dignity was lost the day I was born!"

"Oh that explains a lot!"

"What I would like for you to explain is how
do you like smelling like a freshly shatted
turd on a hot stove!"

Nondis pats me on my shoulder and gives me a thumbs up. "Spike, buddy, you can ref this one, right?"

"What do you mean!? I can't deal with this on my own!" I peek over to Twilight, who probably rooting for Ember at this point. "And I don't know if you've noticed, but Twilight's been letting them go at it the entire time."

"Nah man, you got it, this is all you." He responds with a light chuckle. "Sometimes you gotta learn to deal with the shapes you make. I've had to deal with two feuding alicorns for some years before Tia and I tied the knot. You don't think the temptation was there? There were plenty of hints, it wasn't over until I said 'I do' to one of them. Until then, we couldn't do anything in the house together. That's why we have the yacht." He pats me on my shoulder, letting a shadow engulf his feet, his body sinks down slowly into the abyss. "Alrighty then, if there's nothing else, Nondis out."

As the man disappears from the room, so does his tendrils keeping hold of Ember. She immediately stands up and attempt to get in closer to Zenobia. I exert a little more strength to keep her stationary, all while Zenobia continues her onslaught of verbal insults. The hall is back to being as loud as it once was, minus the heated threat of physical violence. Poor Hestia and Amor expresses grief over their sister's flippant display, causing the pegasus to draw a sigh of dejection.

"So much for a fresh start."

"It was good while the dream lasted."

Ponyville Two Hours Later...

To this point, we've grown used to the exchanges between both Ember and Zenobia. There are occasional outbursts of threats and sometimes shoving matches that I have to personally intervene, but it's not nearly as heated as the initial runabout. I guess the energy the have for one another is slowly starting to dwindle, and thankfully it's getting easier to break things off between them.

Amor at least shows the fortitude to help me keep his noble-blooded sister from blowing up whatever place we're in, and I do enough to dissuade Ember from breaching the terms of our assimilation clause. Granted, everything has been long and tedious, but I can at least thank their constant bickering for the reason that they've made Twilight postpone the debrief, a process that can take north of two hours to do.

So at last we board the train and head southward, landing ourselves back at the welcome mat of Ponyville Transit Station, and I'm granted the reprieve of relocating both of the warring parties to another location to maintain peace. I don't think that's what's in the cards for where we're going, but I suppose I'll have help.

I ring the doorbell, a trio of chimes announces my appearance. I'm about a draw of breath away from relief before a rude shove reintroduces me to the reality of what's taking place. The door opens, revealing Smolder with a confused look. "Oh, hey Ember, are you looking for Spike?"

Just as Ember opens her mouth, another rude shove is exerted onto her, one can already guess the source. "Ahem, royalty first!"

Zenobia tries to barrel her way into the house, but not before a claw shoves her chin away. "Will you move out the way, you scrawny bitch!?"

"Excuse you, you tasteless─"

"Can it!" I shout loudly to the two, already just over the pair and their inability to show agreement. "Let us in, please. I just want to lay in my bed."

With now tempered excitement, Smolder weirdly looks upon our group of five. "Uh, Spike, what's going on?"

I rub my head as I tiredly walk into the foyer of my own home. "You know how Twilight has me take my work home sometimes?"

"Yeah." She answers.

"Well... these two ladies are my next assignment."