My Head is Different from Reali-tea
Black Tea is the Best Tea
“Do you ever feel like someone’s keeping score of your good and bad deeds?”
Twilight shifted her gaze up from her book, turning her head just enough to see a splotch of pink in her peripherals.
She closed her book and set it on her desk, changing her magical aura’s grasp from it to a cup of tea and saucer. With a step, she turned to face Starlight, ambling towards her with her tea cruising behind her in the air.
“Hm.” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “I sure hope not. Does every good deed count as one, or does each good deed have a different value?”
Starlight raised a hoof to her chin. “Um, a deed is a deed, and the value is one for all deeds no matter how big or small.”
Twilight walked past Starlight, ambling through the door Starlight came through moments earlier. “Let’s go to the, Kitchen. I’m almost out of tea.”
Starlight nodded, trailing Twilight into the castle halls.
“So, like binary, it’s all ones and zeros correct?”
“Mhm. I mean, I guess just ones, but yeah.”
“Okay, so none of the nones, one one per one, and two separate categories: good and bad, correct?”
“Correct.”
Silence hung in the air, but only for a moment.
“What about unknown good deeds?” Twilight asked.
“Huh?”
“Ya know, like, if I flip a bit into a well for a wish or something facetious, and some poor pony goes fishing for coins to pay for food, and he fishes out my bit that I flipped into the well, do I get credit for the deed or no?”
“Uhhh—-”
“Ooooh, ooooh, wait, what about, like say when we fought and you were ducking and diving me through multiple dimensions, remember that?”
“Hard to forget.”
Twilight reached the end of the hall, arriving at the stairwell, fluttering down right above the steps, as Starlight trotted by her side. “So when we approached the last reality we visited. And you decided that you were going to stop kerfuffling up Equestria, you effectively saved everypony in the wasteland reality, right?”
Starlight stood up straighter. “I suppose I did.”
Twilight landed gracefully just past the bottom step. With a flash of magic, the Kitchen door opened, and the light clicked on, as the pair slipped inside. “Well.” Twilight paused and smirked, then lifted the tea kettle off the stove top. “Does that mean you get one tally in the good column for repenting, or do you get a tally for every single change that’s made based on your repentance?”
“Lots of ‘astute’ questions as always, professor.” Starlight said with accompanying air quotes. “But do you even remember my original question?”
“Of course, I do!” Twilight beamed. “I was just curious how complete your hypothetical was.”
Starlight snorted. “Unfortunately, it’s not.”
“Darn.” With a flick of the faucet, water poured into the steel tea kettle. “I have thought about it, actually. While it is highly unlikely, especially with the development of Tartarus being a literal hell on Equestria, and both Celestia and Luna have been around for thousands upon thousands of years, along with other mystical creatures like Discord, there is likely not a substantive deity watching over us. Meaning there’s like no system of judgment either. So, the odds of a scoring system based on morality is slim to none. However, if it were possib—, mmh, mm—!”
Starlight covered Twilight’s muzzle for a moment, stammering her speech. She sighed, then shook her head. “Twilight.”
Twilight moved Starlight’s falling hoof to the floor. “Hey now, if you’re going to walk into my study and ask me a question as arbitrary as that is let me have fun with the possibilities”
“Your possibilities put me to sleep.” Starlight retorted.
Twilight muttered. “And somehow they keep me awake.”
A flip of the knob on the stove, and three swaying lights danced in a circle. Twilight placed the pot on the stove, then sauntered over to the kitchen table to sit.
“So, what’s up?”
Starlight looked up from her own seat, dazed. A moment later twitching in recognition. “Huh? Oh, I don’t know. I just thought about it, what if I did so much bad that I can’t do enough good, or what if I don’t have enough time to do good that outdoes the wrong that I did?”
Starlight rubbed her hooves, letting her gaze dip once again. She felt a little cold underneath her skin, her chest began to feel heavy.
“Anxiety sucks, yeah?”
Starlight rolled her shoulders back, re-engaging her mentor. Opening her maw, but her words failing to manifest.
“Well, I don’t know what stage of sleep you were in while I was talking about Tartarus, but I assure you it’s a real place. Heck, you’ve seen it. It’s nothing to be scared of, and you certainly won’t be going there.” Twilight sipped the last bit of cold tea out of her mug, recoiling. “Yuck.”
Starlight tapped on the table a couple times, looking about the room. “I’m actually not too worried about that.”
Twilight cocked a brow. “Oh?”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah?”
Starlight gave Twilight a look. She rolled her eyes, a grin gracing her lips. “Yeah.”
“Well alright then, good talk.” Twilight said, walking back to the stove to watch her tea.
“Wait—” Starlight stood up, taking a stride forward, and a subsequent half-step back. She rubbed the nape of her neck as tomato-red flared her cheeks. “This might sound stupid, but is it ever hard for you not to focus on the negatives? You do a hundred good things, but you focus on the one bad thing?”
Twilight watched her tea intently. “Yeah.”
Starlight quirked her head to the side a smidge. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Twilight said. “I feel like that’s how most ponies are if I’m honest. Some of us do good all the time, but we focus on the bad we do we end up convincing ourselves we are the bad things we do. I know I have.”
Steam seeped from the teapot.
“Forgiveness is a two-way street.” Starlight said. “It’s hard for some to forgive, but I feel like accepting forgiveness shouldn’t be this hard, especially when everyone I’m close to tells me I deserve it.” Starlight shook her head. “I don’t know, I don’t get why I get the support I get from you, Spike, the girls, and other people. I sometimes feel like I did so much wrong, that it seems unreasonable to have support.”
Twilight cleared her throat. “Yeah, I used to do that.”
“Used to?”
“Yeah, you know me, facts and logic, science, all that junk. I realized rational over irrational.” Twilight shrugged.
Inching closer, Starlight egged on, “Care to enlighten me?”
Twilight glanced to her side, acknowledgement filling her face. “Oh, pft, yeah, so let me walk you through what I learned. Do you believe your friends to be honest and do you believe that they care about you?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Okay, so operating under that impression, they are going to be truthful to you, yeah? So when they say you deserve love, support, deserve to feel the way you do, then they mean it. When you tell your friend it’s okay if they mess up, you mean it and forget about it, right?”
Starlight pondered a moment. “Yes? I—Yeah, I can’t think of a time I haven’t?”
“Alright, cool.” Twilight cleared her throat. “So why is it any different when it’s the other way around? Because it’s you?”
“Yes—Wait, huh? Repeat the question?”
“I said—” The teapot cap popped open. A loud whistle of steam made both ponies wince as Twilight floated it off the oven. The whistle staggered till its blissful death. “Timing. Anyways, if you are forgiving of your friends no matter the extreme mistakes they have made, why is it so farfetched to believe they cannot forgive and support you?”
Starlight opened her mouth to protest, but this time realization befell her words.
“I’m right, I know. It’s cool to hear that for the first time, isn’t it?” Twilight smirked, pouring her piping hot tea into her cup whilst hovering another cup and saucer from the cabinets. “It’s kind of the same thing as if you’re walking down the street and someone bumps into you, and you say ‘it’s okay’ and go about your day and forget it. But if you’re the one who bumps into them, Celestia forbid, ‘oh my I am so sorry,’ and you tell yourself they think you’re clumsy, and no way Celestia gave your stumbling butt a pair of wings. But if they bump into you then you think…”
Twilight extended her hoof towards Starlight. In unison, “it’s not a big deal.”
“It’s not a big deal, right,” Twilight emphasized. “It’s the beauty of being insignificant in life. I mean, the crown, the wings, the royal proclamations definitely ruined my chances of being a perennial bookworm, but I remember being not a household name.” Twilight clasped her cup, revealing a soft smile. “It was nice to know you’re really not that important but to the ponies who you choose to make matter, and those who make you important. Something, something, those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind, don’t matter.”
Starlight grasped the tea Twilight made for her in her own turquoise aura. “Very inspirational.” She giggled, then blew on her tea. “You’re right, I hadn’t really thought about how my own actions kind of reflect other pony’s actions if you look at it as most ponies are similar. If other ponies think about me as much as I think about them, that makes sense.”
Twilight sipped from her fresh cup of tea. “Doesn’t it?”
Starlight smiled. “You seem way too proud. You’ve rehearsed this, haven’t you?”
Twilight peered up from her tea. “Eh, not really. I just know it’s awful to feel like you’ve messed up. And I’ve felt like I’ve ruined everything, and even knowing what I know feelings can be more pronounced than reality. I still fail from time to time when it comes to allowing myself to grow, and trusting my friends really love the things they say they do about me. But I’ve gotten better at it.”
“You know what else you’ve gotten better at?” Starlight quipped.
“What’s that?”
“Making tea.”
Twilight’s face twisted in confusion, her smile partially holding. “What do you mean? I didn’t even do anything to it.”
Starlight relinquished a chortle. “I know, and it’s way better than the drek Celestia taught you to make for years.”
“Hey!” Twilight raised a hoof in contempt. “I happen to love sugary tea.”
“You mean tea-y sugar, right?”
“Oh, come on!” Twilight rolled her eyes. “It’s not like it’ll give me diabetes!”
Starlight snorted. “That’s because alicorns can’t get diabetes.”
Twilight deadpanned. “That’s not true, alicorns can totally get diabetes.” A beat. “Right?”
Author's Note
This has quite literally nothing to do with tea. I could've done coffee, or anything else. However, I am drinking tea. So, yeah.
