Taser Takes Manehatten

by TheGreenGoblin

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Original Character, Profanity, Violence, Crossover, Human
Length: 1970

A Taser and a Mare. How are they connected in any way?

Another day at the office for one lowly, electricity loving SWAT officer, and an ordinary night for a mare on her way to a nice date. How could these two’s life stories possibly connect?

A One-Shot crossover between Payday 2 and My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic

Done in 2 hours on a Saturday night, hopefully it isn’t too bad lol

Cover Courtesy Of https://www.wallpaperflare.com/blue-and-black-helmet-overkill-software-fon-payday-2-taser-wallpaper-ejmr

Published 2022-05-18 04:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-05-18 04:10:00 UTC

Taser Takes Manehatten

Roaming the streets of Manehatten at night, you’re bound to find some shady characters. Poppyseed knew this well, but being 20 minutes late to a date, she ignored her better judgement and forged on to the restaurant on the other side of town. She wanted to save her money for her date, who was no doubt very peeved right now, so calling a taxi was out of the question.

Unbeknownst to her, there were a few sets of eyes on her. The quartet of muggers readied what they had with them — Some pipes, bats, and other bludgeons — and psyched themselves up for another good run. The pony in the lead, the only unicorn of the group, remained unarmed. He had a few tricks up his sleeves, though.

—————

“MOTHERFUCKING TAS-AAAAAHDFURHDH”

The masked scoundrel collapsed into a writhing heap and was quickly cuffed and taken into custody by the taser’s associates.

“Somebody order a lightning volt?”

“Great work, Taser! That's three down, one to go.”

The taser saluted to the fellow SWAT officer and moved through the First World Bank, nodding to the other officers he found on the way. A Cloaker crawled into a vent that he passed, certainly on his way to “Beat the cellulites out of some clowns”, as they said.

—————

Poppyseed heard some hoofsteps behind her. Not uncommon for a night in Manehatten, as ponies working the night shift were as ubiquitous as fish in a lake. Something unusual, though, was the sound of somepony hitting a metal object against the brick wall that she was walking by.

Clang …

Clang …

CLANG

This time it was a lot closer.

“Alright, miss, I’m gonna say this once. Your wallet, saddlebags, anything valuable you have, hand it to me. Otherwise, me and my associates may have a problem. And we don’t want that, now, do we?”

—————

A torn up piece of carpet flew into our electric friend’s face. He blindly fired off his rifle and clutched at the carpet blocking his vision. Static electricity, ironically enough, was working against him, as the carpet wouldn’t let go of his visor.

With half of his magazine dumped in a futile attempt to fell a target he couldn’t see, he tried to retreat and regroup. Keyword here being ‘Tried’. He hit the doorframe he came through a few times and caught a bullet in the back for his efforts, but he made it through.

The bullet didn’t penetrate his armour thankfully, but he still couldn’t see anything. After two attempts to wipe the carpet off, he ripped a hole through it and poked his head out. He was immediately greeted by another Taser unit! Who was immediately gunned down in front of him, the unit’s namesake dropping to the floor with a clatter at our protagonist’s feet.

With a moment to breathe, he analyzed his current situation.

1, he looked ridiculous. He had a carpet poncho draped over his front, preventing access to his vest and most of his kit.

2, one of his fellow lightning firing companions was dead as a doornail in front of him.

3, again, he looked absolutely ridiculous!

—————

Somewhere, somepony felt a chill. She stood up from her desk and trotted out to her balcony. From her vast knowledge of the universe as she knew it, she just found the exact pony, or human rather, that she had been looking for for a long time.

A smile came across her lips, and she cast a spell.

—————

Zeus’s apprentice picked up the weapon of his fallen companion and shifted his new cloak around, giving him access to his own taser.

With a zapper in each hand, he called out. “I’m feelin’ kinda electric!”

And then he fell through the floor. Screaming all the way down the abyss.

—————

“Please, I’ve got a date tonight and rent’s about to be due, I can’t-“

“You will, I don’t give a shit what you’ve got going on, and you will give us your money.”

The ponies around her in a half-circle gripped their weapons tighter in their jaws, with only one of them keeping their mouth empty. Poppyseed watched the empty mouthed one smugly smile at her. He raised a hoof, but before it fell-

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH ooogh”

An unequine figure dressed in dark blue with yellow highlights wheezed behind the semicircle and slowly rose.

“Oh god in heaven what the hell happened …” The Taser went silent as he recognized the creatures in front of him. They look like those things from that show Barry’s kids watched. What are they, ponies?

Poppyseed looked at him with pleading eyes.

The Taser looked at the scene. Four ponies, three of them armed, one had a horn instead of a blunt object, and what looked like a civilian.

“Alright, I’m gonna say this once: You’re gonna drop all the pipes and shit and then I’m gonna handcuff you. Are we clear?”

The lead mugger sized up his opponent. He was a couple of feet taller than him and had a cape and some odd equipment on. This was just a wannabe superpony in a suit standing on two legs.

“Boys, rough ‘em up.”

The ponies reared back and got ready to charge. The Taser scooped both of his weapons off of the ground and came to meet his attackers. The first two ran up and got a couple of barbs lodged in their torsos. Before they could realize what was going on, their bodies were overrun with stimulation, and they dropped to the floor in agony. Poppyseed’s mane stood on end from the sudden electrical discharge she was in close proximity to.

The remaining henchpony backed up and dropped his pipe to the sidewalk with a considerably softer clang. The one in the lead looked disappointed.

With this change in events, the Taser had time to swap out cartridges. “What’d I tell ya, as my good friend Emelio would say, ‘These guys are going down like the daltons’.”

The tasers hummed to life and both remaining ponies found themselves being aimed at. The lead pony didn’t seem fazed though. “Again, surrender and be taken into custody, or face your sneak peak at the chair.”

The henchpony moved carefully to the wall and sat against it, fear evident on his face. The leader pulled something out of his mane, a revolver.

The Taser knew what would happen if he used his weapon. He watched it happen to suspects all the time, someone gets hit and their fingers jolt and seize with the rest of their body. If they’re holding a gun it’s game over if they’ve got it pointed at you.

Our friend thought that the same would apply to unicorns using magic. Without any other bright ideas coming to him in the split seconds he had to process what was happening, he threw one of his tasers at the pony, hitting him directly in the horn.

The magic faltered and the revolver drooped a bit, giving Mr. Shock Therapy time to tackle the unicorn to the ground and restrain him.

He got off of the effectively hogtied pony, “You’re under arrest, all of you. Anything you say or do will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to remain silent, and personally, I’d thank your lucky stars for that. Pulling a gun on an officer,” He tsked. “You’re all going away for a while.”

While he busied himself with restraining the muggers, Poppyseed picked up her belongings. She could hear sirens in the distance, likely attracted by all the commotion. “What are you?” She asked.

The Taser stood upright after finishing up his job. His carpet-turned-cape flapped gently in the light wind. “Me?”

The scared mare nodded.

He reared up and boasted, “I’m the fuckin’ spark-man!”

And with that, he holstered his weapons and wandered off into the night.

—————

“Well, she’s not gonna show. Here’s a tip for your troubles, I’m sorry for wasting your time.”

Merry Times paid the bill for the breadsticks and left a tip for the waiter. But just as he was about to leave, she walked into the lobby. Her mane was frazzled, and frankly, she looked like hell.

“What happened?”

“I’ve had a hell of a night. Wanna reschedule?”

“Yeah,” Merry started. “Wednesday work?”

“Perfect, see you then. I’ve got a lot to think about.”

—————

“Our top story this morning, a mysterious hero has appeared in our fair city. Police responding to shouts and other uncharacteristic sounds come to quite an odd scene. Four ponies were restrained in hoofcuffs, weapons around them, and a lone mare stood, stunned.

“According to her statement and a report from somepony looking from a nearby window, a figure materialized and fell from the sky. Then that figure got up and started fighting off some ponies reportedly mugging our witness! Poppyseed gave us this statement yesterday evening when this event occurred.

“‘I was on my way to a date, when suddenly four ponies with pipes and bats jumped out and tried to mug me! Right when I thought I was done for, some creature came from the heavens in a weird suit of armour and cape and arrested them, like they were some part of the police force! They said that they were the ‘Spark Man’. I don’t know what or who this Spark Man is, but I’m forever thankful for his kindness.’

“For the first time in nearly four decades, we’ve got ourselves a new vigilante. Spark Man, if you’re listening somewhere, we need this. More than ever. Crime is on the rise and we need something to fight it.

In other news, reports of a restaurant going under have been shown to be …”

—————

Moving from shadow to shadow under the cover of night, The Spark Man lived through his second day in Equestria. He was seen briefly in a shop, where he was given some food for free. His confusion turned to shock when he picked up on a news station reporting what he did last night.

With fear of being accosted, he retreated back to an isolated part of Manehatten. Until tonight, when he began moving about, looking for something to do to kill time.

“You know,” A regal voice said behind him, making his hair stand on end. “This district doesn’t exactly have the highest crime rate.”

He turned around, and was greeted by the Princess of the Night. “I am Princess Luna, and you must be the famous Spark Man. It is a pleasure to meet you.”

He reached a hand out in greeting. “Hello, I’m afraid that tale the news is telling has been blown out of proportion. I’m just an average person who got dropped into the right place at the right time, quite literally might I add.”

Luna shook his hand and put on an apologetic face. “I am quite sorry about that. Transporting someone between dimensions is not exactly a … pleasant experience.”

“You brought me here? Why?”

The Princess simply smiled. “Because, you are an incredible fit for a position I’ve been looking to fill. You see, ever since Mare-Do-Well hung up the cape, Equestria’s been without a hero. Ponies could use someone to look up to, and you were just humble enough to not let the power go to your head, and just brave enough to take up the job and not fold under pressure.

“Spark Man, will you become Manehatten’s hero?”

He paused for a moment, before smiling behind his visor. He took his helmet off and held it at his side, revealing a man of around 30 with blonde hair and a small moustache. “Please,” He started, “Call me Darryl.”

Author's Note

Hope whoever reads this enjoyed!