Secrets & Truths

by MistyShadowz

Rating: teen
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance, Sex, Slice of Life
Length: 4382

A simple game of Snakes and Ladders brings out a small truth about Applejack she didn’t think she’d be admitting for a while.

"I’ve made up my mind. Ya deserve the truth, and nuthin' but the truth. I trust ya, and I trust that ya love me enough to accept what I’m 'bout to say."

She took a long, deep breathe, closed her eyes and thought of the two little words she was about to utter.

"I’m…"

Light mentions of having sex, but as per usual, nothing on screen. They also curse a bit and talk about boning each other--.

Thanks to TheHorseWriter for the edits after publishing!:heart:

Published 2022-06-03 16:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-08-16 14:32:17 UTC

Secrets & Truths

Rainbow had arrived to the farmhouse just a few moments prior and yet they were already in the heat of battle, trying oh so vigorously to beat the other in a game of absolute luck; Snakes and Ladders. Yes, not an uncommon thing for the pair on a hot summer evening when nothing seems to be wrong or right at the same time. A date, if you will. Although that word has a drastically different definition in their dictionary.

Dash rolled her fifth attempt. A five. One less than the biggest. Close enough, she thought. She moved her pawn to the appropriate spot, smirking as she had - by one space - avoided a snake. She puffed out her chest proudly, and awaited her next roll.

Applejack, clenching her jaw, let the dice fall from her hoof. A six. The biggest number, therefore she got it lucky. Which she did. She missed a snake by three spaces. However, she did end up missing a ladder by two spaces. "Shoot." She muttered under her breathe.

The game continued uneventfully. One turn after the other. Avoiding some snakes, missing more ladders, and not missing even more snakes. Reverting stuff, really.

As Dash played once again, Applejack's thoughts wondered off to somewhere she’d been visiting a lot as of late.

She didn’t like secrets. Secrets weren’t fun and were never easy to keep. Secrets brought with it a whole bundle of what ifs. What if they react as blank? What if they blank? What if they don’t like blank? Those blank spaces aren’t easy to figure out either. Placing the appropriate words in them. Not to mention the fact that putting a word in those blank spaces would be assuming something. Assumptions aren’t okay. Good ones or bad. Assumptions are often wrong and are derived from prejudices. Assumptions also often lead to misunderstandings and broken friendships, or even hearts if taken to extremes.

Secrets equals what ifs. What ifs equals blank spaces. Blank spaces equals assumptions. And assumptions leads to many, many wrong things.

But…

"Aj?"

The raspy call of her partner tuned her back into reality. She quickly blinked, staring confusedly at her current opponent. "Yeah?" She quirked an eyebrow.

Rainbow directed a hoof at the game they were playing, the pawns right where Applejack remembered, except Rainbow's was moved two spaces forward. "You zoned out. Not like you." Concerned, Rainbow's expression had lost the combativeness she had only moments prior. Now all that showed on her face was a look of concern.

"Aw shucks, didn’t realize. Sorry 'bout that." Trying to move on, AJ picked up the dice and rolled it to receive a measly one. She let out a nervous laugh before scooting her pawn a space forward. She placed the dice in front of Dash, expecting the other mare to play.

Rainbow looked down at the dice, then at her partner and sighed. "Fine." she stated. She used the tone she uses whenever Applejack wasn’t being completely full with Rainbow. Yes, it happened enough for Rainbow to have an entire tone based around it. Rainbow always ended up getting the truth out of the element of honesty. Shouldn’t sound as hard as it is.

Rainbow played and got a three, leading her straight - well, not exactly straight - to some ladders granting her the position of first place.

From there, the game was even quieter than that quiet summer evening on the orchard. The pair were often quiet and tame during these little date nights of theirs. A rare time for them, so they cherished these little moments of quietness. Usually, the quiet brought a sense of calmness and serenity. But at that very moment, calm and serene were not words they’d use to describe the atmosphere. A chilly breeze might have been a better description. The thick air of the barn mixed uncomfortably with the summer heat only worsened their already rather soured moods.

Applejack nibbled on her bottom lip, trying her hardest to non-verbally assure her marefriend that nothing was bothering her. But nothing worked. Not the light hoof nuzzles she managed to give, nor the soft smiles she offered. She tried so much as leaning toward the other side of the table and planting a soft kiss on the mare's cheek to assure her, but even still, Rainbow remained adamant.

Where in Equestria did that girl learn to be this gosh darn stubborn?!

She wants ta know, Applejack. she thought to herself, She has every right ta know….

That was true. Rainbow was the most important thing in her life. On par with the rest of the Apple family and the farm, if not higher than them. Applejack would give everything up for this featherberain. She’d love this gosh darn idiot 'till the end of time, no questions asked. She’d pull out the most expensive ring that would leave her in years of debt, say the cheesiest speech imaginable, and wear the itchiest dress made in history for this amazing mare. And yet, she still couldn’t tell her this simple little truth. She believed in honesty, and Rainbow believed in trust. They go hoof in hoof. So, it shouldn’t be very hard for Applejack to trust Rainbow with the honest truth, right?

Why was she struggling so hard to admit this? Rainbow would accept her for who she is, right? Rainbow loved her, undyingly so. Which would therefore mean that Rainbow wouldn’t turn her back on Applejack. Element of loyalty and everything.

Applejack rolled her dice, moving three steps forward, and all the way back to the first row. Darn that snake, she nearly had the game, too.

Rainbow wouldn’t be mad, she’d be proud. Happy even that Aj trusted her with the truth.

"Right." Rainbow said far louder than necessary. "What’s up with you tonight?" An eyebrow had been instinctively quirked.

"Whatya mean by that, RD?" Aj asked back, smiling nervously. She reached out for the dice, only to realize that they were held captive by the unpleased Rainbow Dash.

"What do I mean, Applejack?"

It was then that Applejack realized just how serious Rainbow had gotten about this. Her tone had told Aj enough to know Rainbow wasn’t fooling around, but her speech told Aj that Rainbow wasn’t in for the games at all. When was the last time Rainbow used Aj's full name, anyway?

"You’ve been zoning out, looking out into literally nothing. You answer me all funny, you don’t even realize what you’re playing, or if you’re playing. Did you know you moved all the way down to the beginning when you’re supposed to be moving two spaces down? Did you know that you let me skip three snakes in a row? If you were in the game, Applejack, I would know that."

Sighing, Applejack avoided Rainbow's gaze, looking rather ashamed of what Rainbow just listed. "Ima go on a limb an' say this ain’t 'bout the game no more?" Reaching a hoof up to her hat, she covered her eyes.

"C'mon Aj," Dash's tone had softened slightly. It still did have that agency to it, but rather calmer and softer than before, "You know you can tell me anything. You can tell me that you’re a freaking guy and I’d still love you!"

Applejack blinked. "Rainbow- that ain’t how that…"

Rainbow dismissive waved a hoof, "Forget the specifics, you know what I mean!"

She nodded, "I do…" and she kept nodding, "I do…" and nodding, "I do… but…"

"What but? You think I’d hate you if you told me? Or I’d leave you or something stupid like that? 'Cause that’s never gonna happen, and ya know it. And if it does, you know you’re not talking to the sane, sober and this world Rainbow Dash."

Applejack squeezed her eyes shut. She opened her mouth once, then shut it far tighter than before. Biting her lips, Applejack didn’t say anything. It remained like this; a stale mate, if you will.

The uncomfortable silence reigned yet again, leaving the air to carry both their frustrations. Somewhere outside the barn, a crow rather loudly cawed adding to the unpleasantness of the moment. As a light breeze swept into the room, Applejack's ears flopped to the sides. Her eyes still shut and covered from view by her trusted her Stetson.

"Aj-" Rainbow began, only to get quickly hushed by Aj.

The farmer lifted her head, a look of determination of her face, "I’ve made up my mind. No more secrets. No more what ifs. No more blanks spaces. And not more assumptions. Ya deserve the truth, and nuthin' but the truth. It was wrong o' me to pretend ya didn’t, or that y’all’d take it the wrong way. I trust ya, and I trust that ya love me enough to accept what I’m 'bout to say." She took a long, deep breathe, closed her eyes and thought of the two little words she was about to utter.

"I’m asexual."

Quietness. That was all that followed. Not the uncomfortable quietness from earlier, and definitely not the calm ones they were used to. Somewhere on the spectrum, but not exactly one or the other.

Rainbow was the first to break the silence. Thank Celestia, "A-… a… um… a-what?"

"Asexual. It means that I ain’t sexually attracted to anypony. So I can’t tell ya nuthin' 'bout how 'hot' or how 'sexy' ya look. It also means that I ain’t interested in havin' sex. Not all of us are sex repulsed, and neither am I. I just don’t feel comfortable or any kinda pleasure while havin' it… I know how much y’all love havin' sex… but… I don’t…"

"That all?" Rainbow tilted her head to one side, wearing a rather dumbfounded expression.

Applejack blinked, "What do ya by that?! We can’t have sex… I thought ya loved havin' it. If I'm yer full time partner, y’all'd never get ta have it… don’t that upset ya?"

Rainbow laughed. A very casual, Rainbow-like laugh, as if nothing at all had happened in the last five minutes, "'Course not! I like having sex ‘cause it’s one way I can say ‘I love you' without saying the words." She cleared her throat, "If you don’t like it, then what's the point? There's loads of other ways to say those words without saying those words. We can find one that you like too!" Rainbow grinned goofily. Leaning over the table, and pecking the girl on the cheek.

A bright hue of pink decorated itself across the already bright orange cheeks, "Does that work?" Rainbow asked, giggling a little.

Applejack nodded, smiling. She grabbed Rainbow by the neck, and hugged her tight, knocking over the board and the two pons that had been sat atop it.

"By the way," Rainbow whispered loudly enough for Aj to hear,

"Hm?" Applejack hummed back.

"I won."

Author's Note

Hey Folks!

It’s Pride Month, and I thought I’d do something special. I’m well aware this has little proper representation for how the Ace community is discriminated against or how people come to the realization, but I feel like this an important part as well. If I had to come out to my partner, Rainbow's reaction is what I’d hope for. And Aj's mindset, is one I share a lot. So I thought I’d incorporate that in here.

If you can’t tell, I’m saying I am definitely an Asexual human being :pinkiehappy:

Anywho.

Hope you enjoyed this little piece of work. I'd appreciate any kind of constructive criticism.

MSz Out!

Secrets & Truths -- A rewrite

Snakes and Ladders; a game for fillies and colts based purely on the roll of a dice. A little over half a year ago, Applejack would have never considered scouring for it in her attic for an hour so she could prove a point to her marefriend that, no, Snakes and Ladders was not a game for all ages, but here she was. Utterly proven wrong on two separate fronts.

It wasn’t uncommon for them to nestle away from peering eyes in the furthest region of the farm, under trees yet to bear fruit with the sole intent on being in the other’s presence. It was even less uncommon for them to huddle along the board with them.

Dash rolled the dice, letting it fall carelessly from her hooves, her wings crossed in anticipation; a three. Nothing special considering she was nowhere near anything significant. Even still, Dash blew a sigh and Applejack chuckled.

Rolling next, Applejack landed on four spaces away on the thirty-third square; Dash still a ways away on the twenty-fourth square.

Applejack would love to say that their game lasted well into the night, the two far too immersed in it to even realize or care– she really would like to tell you that. But that was very rarely the case. Snakes and Ladders, for all intents and purposes, is a game for foals. So games usually lasted fifteen minutes if they were lucky, which they rarely were.

That particular evening however, it seemed as though the game would never end. The second either one got too close to winning, it only took a consecutive two to three rolls before a snake took them back down, allowing the other to overtake them only for the cycle to continue. Right now, they were both working their way back up after yet another round of that.

That was all to say that that night’s game left a lot to be desired and Applejack found herself lost in thought far more so than she normally would’ve been.

Who could blame her, really? She had a lot on her plate at the moment. On top of worrying about the farm and Bloom’s education and Granny’s hips, Applejack had an issue on the more personal side of things. She wasn’t used to personal issues– having grown up as the carrier of most, if not, all her family’s problems, she rarely had the time to deal with her own problems. When she did, she always figured it out on her own eventually.

This particular problem, however, was not so simple. It wasn’t something she could easily ignore and hope would blow away soon, nor was it an issue she could easily speak about and simply communicate into oblivion, at least she didn’t think it was that easy.

This meant, to her anyway, that she was keeping secrets.

Applejack prided herself in honesty, that was something she was known for around town– known for in her family and relationships. It was something that had drawn Dash to her and something that had kept them together even with all their bickering. Not to mention the whole element of harmony part, too.

Applejack was not a secret-keeping type of pony. Secrets brought with it a whole bushel of uncertainties and chances for disorder and– as Discord would put it– chaos. Secrets brought distrust and miscommunication and fractured friendships and broken hearts and lost ties and burnt bridges and–

"AJ?"

Applejack blinked, quickly realizing how distracted she had just been. Dash was eyeing her strangely, a familiar but not favored look of concern adorning her usually relaxed features..

The farm pony hummed in response.

Dash seemed to inspect her for a second longer before nonverbally directing both their attentions back to the board– Dash’s piece moved to twenty-six from its origins twenty-four.

“You zoned out, not like you.”

Applejack pretended to have not heard the underlying question within the remark. She shrugged and went for the dice and rolled yet another six. She scooted her little player over then placed the dice in front of Dash, plastering what she hoped to be a smirk on her face.

She played a three, missing a ladder by one. Applejack played a three as well, missing a ladder by two and Dash rolled her way to Applejack’s spot not five minutes ago. The game went on as such, neither uttering more than a word or so as they played.

They weren’t often quiet, even while playing they liked conversing about nothing and everything; getting to know the other past the first couple of layers; it was always a delight. That night though, didn’t seem to be one of those nights. It was as though Dash had seen through Applejack’s front and simply known how little she wanted to talk. Applejack found herself all the more smitten at the thought.

When had they gotten so close? She could’ve sworn just the other day they were butting heads, quite literally, spitting in each other’s faces– kicking, screaming, punching each other like little foals. And now? Now Dash was able to pick up on things about Applejack that she herself had not realized.

So then why was she so hesitant to come out and say it? Dash would understand. She’d understand better than any other pony probably would – save for maybe Fluttershy. Applejack trusted Dash more than she trusted herself sometimes. She knew for a fact Dash would never leave her over something like this. She knew that, and yet, she still couldn’t say it. Couldn’t bring herself to.

Applejack rolled a four. She stared at the board, groaning loudly at that darned snake just slithering it’s retched tongue out– the game should’ve ended long ago– that thing just had to be there– she just had to roll a four– stupid–

“Hey, it’s cool.” She felt Dash’s hoof slip over hers gently, rubbing soothing circles ever so softly.

Applejack blinked at the mare, who was now smiling; all too soft, all too understanding. “What?”

Dash shrugged. “You don’t seem to be in the mood for these snakes.” It wasn’t a question nor did it seem to be a statement of worth.

Staring back down at the darned snakes, Applejack had to admit, she really wasn’t in the mood for them anymore. “Guess not.”

She pulled her hoof back and cleared her throat. “Instead, I was thinking–” Dash puffed out an air of nonchalance; something she did when she was about to address something a little too vulnerable for her comfort, “--how about you do some talking? On what’s on your mind– and no, you can’t say there’s nothing ‘cause there definitely is, AJ. I’m not blind.”

She knew Dash would catch on quickly. She knew she should just come out and say it. Why she couldn’t was beyond her. Dash was actively making an effort to do something she was not comfortable with; emotions and vulnerability were things Dash often complained about and vented about to the farm pony. They were not easy to the pegasus at all, and yet, here she was, making that effort for Applejack.

The earth pony sighed, directing her gaze back at the board. When had Dash passed her?

“It’s nothin’ too important, sugar, I promise…”

“Sure as hell it is. Anything to do with you is.”

Applejack ducked her head further, hoping her bangs could cover as much of her blush as possible. Dash could be quite the flirt when she didn’t intend to be.

The farm pony found herself sighing yet again in preparation. She still couldn’t quite place where her nerves were coming from but at least she could make the effort for Dash’s sake. If she played it out as an exchange rather than an admission, maybe she could do this easier.

And that left her with an even bigger debacle. How does she even begin to explain this? What were the right words to use? Were there any right words to use? What could make things easiest to understand without undermining anything? How does she even go about starting?

She didn’t know the answers to any of those questions. She hated not knowing; she hated the uncertainty. But she hated secrets and dishonesty even more, even if she never outright lied to anyone, keeping secrets has always been, and will always be lies in a right of their own. Secrets are a special subsect of lies that Applejack didn’t want to venture too far into.

What if she went too far in and got stuck? What if there was a cave in and she’d never got out?

She felt a bump from her side, without turning she knew Dash had moved over, now sitting beside her rather than opposing her. “Does this make it easier?”

Applejack couldn’t help the small smile that graced her. She could do this; honesty, she told herself. It was for honesty and for Dash. She cared for those things a lot.

“I don’t really know how to explain or nothin’... uh… ya remember that one book you found in Twi’s library?”

Dash was not in her field of vision but she could imagine quite vividly her expressions going from confusion, as she would likely take a minute to recall, then to realization then another bout of confusion following suit. “Uh– I think so? What about it?”

“Yeah, in that book it talked a lot ‘bout sex and stuff, right?”

“Mhm— where is this going?” Dash raised an eyebrow, snorting quietly.

Rolling her eyes, Applejack nudged her partner. “Dash.”

The mare laughed softly– Applejack would’ve called it a giggle had she been talking about literally any other pony. It took a second, but Dash quieted and motioned for AJ to continue.

“Right, so, there was this section in it talking about how someponies don’t ever really feel like that, ya know?”

Dash cocked her to the side ever so slightly.

“Like– uh– someponies just don’t feel like they really wanna buck the hottest pony ‘round, ya know?”

Dash snorted and Applejack nudged her for it. “Sorry, sorry, you just censored fuck and–” she managed to get her laughter under control for the most part. “So… are you saying you don’t wanna bone me? That all?”

“Not really, just… not all the time? From what I’ve read, some ponies like me hate it and others don’t really care about the sex part. Uh– it’s more to do with finding somepony sexually interesting?”

“Sexually interesting, huh?” Dash made a face, eyebrows raised and lips tilted up ever so slightly.

Applejack bumped her. “Shut up.”

“You’re being all weird about it for no reason, is all.” Dash shrugged, not so subtly slipping her wing around the earth pony, bringing them together for a one sided hug.

“Am not,” the farm pony pouted, leaning into the embrace if only a little.

“Are to! I don’t get what’s so bad about not wanting to bone the next guy over. Honestly, as your girlfriend, I have no objections.”

“Isn’t it weird?” Applejack sure thought it was.

What’s so not-bad about any of this? Applejack had grown up her whole life thinking that she was the outlier, the only pony who never found that particular colt or filly to be irresistible. The only one who never had crushes– not easily anyway. She always felt as though there was something inherently wrong with her, like she was the problem; the freak who needed fixing.

As she grew older, she learned to not care as much. And if she did care, she learned to pretend she didn’t. Pretend that whenever the others– particularly Dash and Rarity –began talking about the stallions and mares they had taken interest in most recently, she wasn't bothered in the least that she couldn't understand the hype. She learnt to act as though she got it, as though she were normal. But she never felt it.

“What’s weird?”

“You guys are always talkin’ ‘bout that real hot stallion over there or real hot mare or whatever! I don’t get it… I don’t get any of that.”

Dash snorted as if there were something funny going on. “I don’t get the hype around stallions either. Does it make me weird? Maybe, who knows, I don't really care–”

“That’s different.”

“How? I don’t wanna bone a stallion, you don’t wanna bone anypony. What’s weird about that?”

“It’s not just–”

“Yeah, no, I heard ya,” Dash tugged a bit with her wing, effectively getting the two closer by an inch or two. “I’m just saying, nothing wrong with being different.” The mare shrugged as though she hadn’t just eased almost all woes burdening the orange mare in that particular moment.

“And if we might not get to bone?” She knew the answer at this point, but she felt the need to ask anyway. Clarity of mind and all that.

“Fuck you, AJ, I care about other things too,” she said with none of the heat it might’ve carried in any other situation, “like you.” Had she not been prepared to catch something along those lines, Applejack might not have.

“You’re an idiot,” Applejack informed.

Dash rolled her eyes. “Says the dumbass who couldn’t just come out and tell me they were a different breed of gay. Also–” Dash pointed a feather toward the board, “--I totally won.”

On the board lay the abandoned pieces, Dash’s blue sitting ever so happily on the hundredth spot while the dice lay rolled onto a six.

Author's Note

So like, it's been a while-- yeah anyway.
This rewrite was kinda just cause i got this random need to write an ace themed something and remebered this existed and how unhappy I was about it. and here we are. Not exactly proud of the lack or removal of the inner-monologue I ended up doing. In the OG there was a lot of inner-conflict going on--- kuddos to younger me I guess-- but here it didn't fit as neatly as i wanted it to so i cut it. Not that it isn't there anymore, just more in the subtext now.
Alao, i removed the use of the direct label in this. For two reasons, one; I don't think Aj's the label-bearing type and two; would the ponies even have labels for aces back whenever the show was set? It felt weird imagining my favoruite pastel old-timey-kinda ponies using laebls i consider to be modern, ya know? Aj's just acespec, don't realy got a specifc thing to call her
Also also, the gay at the end is used more in the sense we use queer nowadays-- an all encompassing term refering to basically the entire community.