In the middle of a cornfield, Pinkie said, "I hate pretending to be happy when deep inside, I'm so miserable."
Cornstalks rustled behind Pinkie. "Don't Ah know what THAT'S like. But sometimes's that's just how it is. Got to help keep everypony else's spirits up. What with Bright Mac and Pear Butter long gone...Ah feel lahk Ah got to do my part and more. Cause there ain't hardly enough Ponyville Apples to keep Apple Acres runnin' right, an' keep what's left of the local Apples from fallin' apart."
Pinkie nodded. "I always wanted to become part of the Apple family. But not like THIS."
"Ain't it ironic."
Strong forelegs encircled Pinkie from behind. They were orange, muscular, and oh so beautiful. "This is wrong," Pinkie said. "How can this be wrong?"
"It just ain't fair."
"Maybe if we just pretend forever that we don't know. Pretend our eyes are as bad as Goldie Delicious' eyes. Pretend we couldn't read that smudgy print on the family tree, the part Goldie couldn't quite see."
Applejack took a deep breath, pressing her chest into Pinkie's back. Pinkie felt warm and loved, and cold and bitter and betrayed by Harmony, all at the same time.
Applejack remarked, "You know that's a pretty big lie. When we didn't just right off tell everypony we could read it, and what it really said...we're tellin' a pretty big lie already. Even if it ain't the kind of lie that's about SAYIN' somethin', it's one big whopper of a lie anyway. What they call a lie of omission."
Pinkie squealed, "I never should have read that genealogy scroll of Twilight's in the first place. If only I'd never found out I might be your cousin! Because then I never would have felt I had to try and check and find out for sure. I never would have had to PRETEND I was happy! Pretending I was happy to find out you and I might be related. Pretending like it's a good thing, and not the worst thing ever!"
"It ain't the absolute worst thing. Imagine if we'd already let everypony know we were sweet on each other. Imagine if we'd gotten married...had a big, fancy weddin', had a few foals with each other..."
Pinkie keened softly. "Do you think we could've stopped at just a few foals?"
"Point still stands. Suppose THEN we'd found out we were related. You did better to find out the truth early. Because if we'd found out later, things would've been so much worse. So much worse."
"Would it really have been worse?" Pinkie whined. "Would it really? Because if we hadn't found out, we could have had years and years together. Sure, someday it might have all come crashing down. But at least we would've had the time before then. Or maybe we could have gone on forever, our whole lives, without finding out."
Applejack sighed. "No use cryin' over spilt applesauce. The pony I love is the pony who warn't willin' to keep her eyes closed to the truth, an' live in some kinda fool's paradise."
Pinkie said, "You know, I'm only your fourth cousin. That's not all that closely related. So why shouldn't we be able to--"
"It just ain't right. Apples don't marry Apples. Bein' an Apple is about doin' what's right, even if it's hard, even if it hurts. You've seen our family reunions, how big they are. If Apples ever started findin' our courtin' partners at our reunions...no way an' nohow. Ain't even one Apple anywhere in Equestria who would stand for such a thing. And anypony who WOULD tolerate such doin's, the other Apples would say that pony weren't no Apple no more. That's what it takes to keep a family like ours doin' what's right an' ONLY what's right."
Pinkie whispered, "Jackie...even if we ARE cousins...maybe we could still adopt, instead of making our own foals with each other. It wouldn't be so bad, then."
Applejack grimaced. "And risk our little foals someday findin' out their parents are...more than just parents? No, Ah could never do that to innocents who never did a thing to deserve it. Because it wouldn't be their fault who their parents are. Foals should never be put in a situation where the closest thing to consolation somepony can offer is tellin' them, 'At least you're adopted. At least those ain't your REAL parents. So it ain't as bad as it COULD be.'"
Pinkie turned around in Applejack's forelegs, facing her lover. "I want to be with you forever and ever. I want a wedding, and a honeymoon, and..." She bawled.
"Don't Ah know how it feels."
"You think you know...but you really don't. I used to HAVE a family where I thought I fit in. I wasn't really HAPPY there, but at least I thought I had a place I belonged. But the day I discovered what a party really was, and I threw my first party from scratch...I was happy and miserable all at once. I knew the Pie Family rock farm wasn't the right place for me, but at least I was sure if I went out into the world, and searched hard enough for someplace where it was ok to be a party pony, someday I would find a place where I really did fit.
"But now..." Pinkie sniffled. "I thought I'd found a new home in Ponyville, and even more of a home with you, at Apple Acres. But if I stay in Ponyville, you know we'll end up just hurting each other. Just seeing you...I'll hurt every time I think about you. So I have to leave, give up my home AGAIN." She wailed, "But this time it's even WORSE. Because my Pie relatives know why I left the rock farm, and I can go back and visit anytime I want, and it's ok. We still love each other like family, there."
Applejack patted Pinkie's back. "There, there. Maybe you don't HAVE to leave Ponyville. Maybe we'll be able to get over it. Or if somepony has to leave town, maybe Ah can go work on a cherry farm, someplace far, far away. So far away you'll never have to see me or hear about me ever again."
"No!" Pinkie said. "Your grandma and brother and sister at Apple Acres need you. And however long I stay in Ponyville, I'll never be able to forget you. Everything about Ponyville will always remind me. Every time ponies wonder about why you left, that'll remind me too. No, I'M the pony who's leaving town. And that's final."
"Close your eyes," Applejack said.
"Why?"
"Just close 'em."
Pinkie closed her eyes. She felt a pony gently nuzzling her face. "Oh...that feels good, AJ."
"Don't say mah name. No need for names. Not right now. Just remember Ah'm somepony who loves you." Soft pony lips caressed Pinkie's.
"Oh," Pinkie gasped. "I'll never forget you. And that's the best thing ever, and the worst thing ever, both things all mixed together." Pinkie's forelegs gripped Applejack tightly, pulling the strong earth pony closer. "You feel so good. And I know you love me. You're so full of love, Jackie. You've got enough love for everypony who needs it, even me."
"You said mah name."
"I did," Pinkie agreed.
Applejack sighed. "This is the hardest thing Ah'm ever goin' to do, no matter how long Ah live." She pushed Pinkie away, until the two ponies were a foreleg's length apart. "But if Ah'm goin' to be an honest, good pony...good enough, anyway...Ah gotta do it." She turned and ran, hooves drumming on the dirt between rows of corn. "Ah'm so sorry!"
Pinkie went back down on all fours, her eyes still closed.
Until she opened her eyes again, she could still try to pretend her life and her love hadn't just fallen apart into little tiny pieces.
"Not an Author's Note"
If you haven't read the spoilered part of this story's long description, about the MLP:FiM episode "Pinkie Apple Pie," you might want to rewatch that now, or at least read an episode summary if you've never seen it.
