Bow Down Before The One You Serve

by Peridork

Rating: mature
Tags: Drama, Sprout, Comedy, My Little Pony: A New Generation, Romance, Posey Bloom, Sex
Length: 128619

Posey has to perform community service to make up for her crimes. Sprout has to watch her. Only problem is that Posey secretly has a crush on the dopey stallion.

Sprout has guard duty and needs to keep an eye on Maretime Bay's newest criminal.

Would be an easy job if Posey didn't keep calling him her Emperor and wanting him to make out with her. Sprout wasn't Hitch- he wasn't used to making mares want him. So there's only one way to solve this.

Give in and see where that takes the pair.

Hitch won't even have to know.

Published 2022-07-01 02:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2025-01-06 03:01:31 UTC

Just How Deep Do You Believe, Will You Bite The Hand That Feeds

Author's Note

The whole second half of this had way more rewrites than anything I've ever written, it wasn't particularly difficult, just due to family issues that had never been resolved until the day before I wrote the dinner scene, some of what I had planned in this one hit a bit too close to home. Ironic. Chapter Three will be lighter.

Just How Deep Do You Believe, Will You Bite The Hand That Feeds

Phyllis Cloverleaf walked through the halls of Canterlogic, her second home. She had built this place up from a humble and small operation to the technological marvel of manufacturing that it was today. She heard her hoofsteps echo throughout the building as she briskly walked to her office. She had read so many reports on how the world was handling the whole "giant death machine" problem her favorite, and only, son had caused. She had carefully written out every single stop of his redemption tour to the letter, every single sympathetic moment that the news might pick up.

She had been training him since he was a colt to take over the family business.

She walked into her office and sat down on the nearby couch, quickly pouring herself a quick glass of wine and downing the full glass before tapping on her intercom button.

"Sweets, give me the full rundown of the last five weeks of Sprout's geolocation data from his phone, the few concerned citizen reports, and anything you might deem worthy to mention. We need to know exactly who we are dealing with here."

Sweets nervously started speaking, the personal assistant was used to her boss' moods, but the slight hint of venom beneath Phyllis' tone that came right through the intercom. "Uhm, let's see. . .His last few weeks of geolocation data mostly all are similar to his normal locations. Pizza shops, video game stores, comic book shops. All particularly standard. Except there keeps being pings of two particular places- I sent them up to your tv screen so if you just turn-"

Phyllis turned her head as she glanced at the tv in her wall come to life, lists of locations and vague scraps of interviews with so many of her workers that had mentioned that Sprout had been acting odd, so very odd. "Explain. Sweets."

The pink assistant cleared her throat. "So, we have anomalies. The first bit is understandable, we've crossreferenced his work schedule and it makes sense that your son would have reasons to go to these places- both the shop and house in the data are owned by one Posey Bloom, utterly unremarkable Canterlogic scores, a few meritorious commendations for medals never given due to complaints from the public for being too 'hardcore' about our messaging. And multiple mentions of her committing acts of violence towards your son. And the tiny mention of last month's problems- a minimal complaint. Do you want me to lodge a complaint to the sheriff's office for this? As Hitch's technical employer, you could write him up for something."

Phyllis sighed. "No, Sweets, we can let Hitch go, I've known him since he was a colt, he's not the problem. He's just a little too trusting." She laid her head back on the couch for a moment to think of a plan, any plan to get whatever hooks this harlot of a mare had sunk into Sprout, she could imagine it now, her timid son being seduced by a gold digger after their wealth, the silly colt just letting it rain on her because he was shown attention, maybe even a fake love that left him deeply enamored with the mare.

How very storybook romance of him. She groaned at the thought, the idea of choosing a match for love instead of some power move or genetic match completely alien to her. She had chosen her own mate from a list and clinically done the deed, completely focused on what might result- glad that it was a colt- and moved on. She didn't even really remember the stallion's name anymore, the years apart and her business clouding that memory. "Sweets, tells Toots that he has a missive to deliver to this Posey. And clear my schedule for Friday. I want to see firsthoof what kind of mare my son chose to. . .fuck." She spat that swear out angrily. She had planned for him to marry anypony else, even seeing the writing on the wall for the isolationist period of Canterlogic and floated a unicorn or pegasi bride. Queen Haven's children had been candidates at one point even. The unicorn, even, as a last and least choice. And he chose somepony that she forgot even existed and never put on her list. The horror.

"All of Friday? I will have to call back Bridlewood and say that. . ."

Phyllis hung up.

***

"You want me to be the 'big spoon' as you called it?" Sprout cocked an eyebrow. Maybe it was some deviant thing that Posey had figured out in her fight against all forms of deviancy. He had to admit it sounded rather lewd, and after she had shown her collection of dildos that frankly frightened him, he'd rather just go with the flow.

Sure, his dick matched or surpassed most of her sizable collection outside of the truly monstrous gag gifts, but after seeing her just hooflessly work one with just her inner muscles, he'd rather just do whatever she said.

Posey rolled her eyes. "No, it's not really deviant, unless you want to hug the shit out of me. I just can only so much sex without some form of foreplay. And relaxing in my bed, your hooves tightly wrapped around me while we just cuddle sounds nice."

Sprout leaned on a pillow and turned to his bombshell marefriend. "You are like way taller than me and outweigh me by like at least fifty pounds, or eighty, all muscle, and you want me to be the big spoon. I mean, fuck, if there was a spell that turned you into a stallion, I think your dick would be bigger than mine."

Posey grinned and lazily snaked a hoof under her sheets, lightly giving said monster cock a light tug. "Was that you calling me fat? And a bigger dick than this baseball ball you're smuggling? I doubt that big boy, though I can imagine how hot you'd be as a mare. I mean if you are packing this as a stallion. . .imagine it, fat ass and all that, juicy pussy, tits the size of your head. Fucking hot." Posey laughed, fully unable to hide her mirth at the thought of that. "I can't, I just can't tease you. That;s stupid. That's fucking ridiculous. But seriously Sprout, I don't mind if you aren't conventionally big and buff and outwardly stallion-like. I've been with a good number of Maretime Bay's best and biggest stallions, and I chose you for a reason."

Sprout leaned back and sighed, letting Posey's crazy large pillow collection dull the pain of being rejected. "Which is?"

"Well, the cock helps, I mean it'd be hard to get a stallion that matches you in all of your dimensions, maybe one or two, but it's incomparable to me outside of probably magically enhanced stuff and that's cheating. Natural dongs? You are the best. But if I had to choose why I still let you bone me without a condom, well, it's because you are plush and cute and still aren't kicking me to the curb. I thought you would after we fucked while I was wearing my Empress Sprout costume and reciting your speech to Maretime Bay."

Sprout cringed. "Don't call it that. Too weird. And what's a condom?"

Posey smiled. "Nothing you have to worry about. Now what should we have for breakfast because I need to recharge after that display of virility and my weekly attempt at being a good pony."

"Can it be pizza?" Sprout winced. He was unused to being asked what he wanted for breakfast, his mother was the one who usually planned out his meals, except for the few times he snuck a pizza or two.

Posey smiled and lightly yawned. "Sprout, that sounds perfect." What she didn't tell him was that she was nearly as attached to pizza as he was. So of course, she'd have pizza. Not because she was as fully into pizza as he was- he was a black hole that could only be filled by pizza. She giggled at that thought, thinking that she'd have to test that idea out with her dildo collection and a ball gag. See if the only thing that could fill him was pizza. No, what the point was, was she kind of hated cooking and lazily throwing stuff together and putting it in the oven, or just ordering out, was far easier.

***

"You can't be serious. Maretime Bay has a food pantry?" Posey grimaced, she had expected some different community service projects in her sentence- trash collection being only one of them- she hadn’t expected working here. She knew firsthoof that ponies had the chance of needing a homeless shelter or a handout, but she had thought Canterlogic just gave everypony a stipend or something. With how infrequent homeless ponies were, she assumed a shelter such as this didn’t need to exist anymore, the building outliving it’s usefulness.

The Bay had always been so clean that the idea that down on their luck ponies even needed something like this seemed impossible. It didn’t fit the corporate ethos.

Sprout shrugged. "It's run through a subsidiary of Canterlogic's community outreach program. I kind of forget it exists unless I look at the financial documents." He opened up the door and walked in, stepping over a large logo of Canterlogic's first and only president. Sprout glanced down and quickly looked away as he kept the door open for his marefriend. "What? I can read. I'm an idiot, yes, I'm not stupid. Always hated how Mom's logo is just her face. Kind of creeps me out. Like she's always watching the town go about its business and nopony gives a shit about it. You know, if I was running it, I'd change the logo, start fresh."

Posey didn't know exactly how to respond, the idea of Canterlogic having a different logo seemed odd to her. It had been the same thing for more than two whole decades, it was not tradition in a way, but change, or at least Sprout's quick comment, threw her off balance. "Can we just leave then? I mean I'd rather pick up trash if you feel uncomfortable being here."

Sprout blushed slightly. "-no, I'd rather deal with it on my own time. Anyway. . ." Sprout quickly fished out an itinerary out of his sheriff sash and quickly flipped through it. "They kind of updated the floorplan of this place since I was last here so let's see, floor 4, back office for Minty's section."

Posey narrowed her eyes. "And who's that? Old marefriend? Former collegue? Old family freind?"

The pudgy red stallion smiled. "Not competition, Pose, just the pony that deals with community service requests. Plus, I'd think she'd be too scared of my mom to even see me as fuckable." Sprout grinned as he prodded Posey's side. "Somepony else decided my mom wasn't a god and fucked me before she did anyway. I'm taken and all that."

Minty, for her part, was a petite earth pony with a green coat and a two toned pink and white mane. Posey thought she looked familiar, maybe she had sold the mare flowers once or twice. The Bay's population of earth ponies all kind of blended together, their names and faces similar enough that as long as they left an address and paid her for her flowers, she didn't give them a second look. Well, unless their name was Sprout.

Minty nervously fidgeted behind her desk. "-I see. I mean I could fit her in, I really wasn't expecting her to be here." The green earth pony shot a quick glance at Posey before turning back to Sprout. "But if you say so, I guess I could fit her into the lineup of food servers and the like today. Weird, I'd have expected you to work through the normal channels, what with you being a Cloverleaf and all. I mean your mom gives us most of the funding."

Sprout scowled for a moment. This was why he never liked coming to one of Mother's outreach programs. Not that he didn't see the use for community outreach, just his mother's influence, her money, and Canterlogic running the entire town in some way like a hydra with its many heads. It made him feel unable to even really care about etiquette and the like- he could just walk in and do whatever he wanted and most of the ponies just went with it.

He imperceptibly shook as he realized that it made sense why he had taken over the town so easily when Hitch left with Sunny. The townsponies were so used to having someone in control, someone with the Cloverleaf name, that he just was another cog in the machine. He grimaced as he remembered who first said he'd be a good leader for the town. His mom. He breathed out, pushing that horrible idea to the back of his brain. "Yes, well. this isn't a Canterlogic function, just a Sheriff Office call. So can you fit her in or not."

Misty smiled. "Sure, but you are going to owe me." The room got silent for a moment. "Just kidding. Come on, and don't mind the cramped nature of the work. It's been hard since the poor quadrupled recently. I mean for some reason it's just like the non-earth pony races don't know what jobs are. Though it's to be expected, as Director Cloverleaf always stated in her Canterlogic speeches, aren't all the other races monsters? That's why the Center is here, we have to teach these ponies to be civilized in a way. I mean you taught us that." Misty stared at Posey, a slight hint of almost awe in her eyes. That freaked Posey out immensely, her stomach turning at Minty's idol worship. "I mean you gave all of us here a reason to do more and better work. Can't just have nothingness swallow us up because we didn't provide enough resources for the poor. Even if they aren't like us."

That was a twisted way to look at helping ponies. Posey and Sprout shared a look and grimaced as they were led into the back rooms of the homeless shelter, quietly cursing that Posey did still have to complete a fair bit of hours of community service. Though the niggling thought of Sprout's still bothered him. He let that go and figured that the nightmare talk with his mother would come sooner or later. He had been really doubting things she had said ever since he had gotten laid. Especially since Posey was nothing like the parade of mares his mother would love for him to court.

***

Posey followed the protocol that Minty had told her about as they had walked into the cafeteria, a sleek and almost welcoming place as long as you didn't notice the Canterlogic branding on posters and the like. Or the wary eyes that the homeless and poor ponies had on their faces- almost hopeful yet beaten down. She felt a pang of guilt and Posey wondered why that was exactly. She couldn't have felt bad about non-earth ponies, she had grown up hating them. Enough that she was currently fucking the literal son of Canterlogic royalty. She shouldn't feel something like pity for unicorns and pegasi.

She heard snippets of conversation as they passed by her, her reflexes of just scooping a serving of food and placing it on their tray with a fake smile keeping her busy.

"-moved here and it's not much better than Zephyr Heights."

"-the Earths are the only ones who can work in Canterlogic. . ."

"Shut up idiots, we're being listened to. I mean the last pony who talked like you two idiots was disappeared."

Posey looked down and continued scooping food, her mind racing with thoughts. Thoughts of her very own past that still haunted her in the few times she let it bubble up and consume her.

"That could have gone better." Sprout and Posey strode out of the homeless shelter, neither of them looking back at that place until they had walked far enough away from it. "I think I'm going to cross off any more community service projects that are tied to Canterlogic." Sprout sighed as he sat down on one of Maretime Bay's many benches. "That was nothing like the last time I went there. At least then they looked happy."

Posey slid up to Sprout and touched his thigh ever so lightly. She had a public image to maintain and showing public displays of affection, or at least public displays that didn't devolve into him railing her like a madstallion in public bathrooms, her jacking him off under tables, or even attempting to suck him off under his Sheriff's Office desk felt wrong. "I mean you're her son. I'd doubt she'd want to show you anything but the cleanest version of what she thought was right."

Sprout laughed and rolled his eyes. "Coming from you that almost sounds reasonable. Where's the whole 'we should start a race riot' Posey? I kind of liked her. She had that evil air about her that made her way, way hotter."

The yellow mare scoffed. "Still here, doofus. Just didn't think you were in the mood to get the premium package. And after being in there for three hours, I need some time myself to decompress. I mean I hated other ponies a ton because they got cool magic powers."

"They still do."

Posey rolled her eyes and smiled ever so briefly. "I dunno, I think you got the better magic. I mean I haven't had many stallions pick me up while they pounded me into submission. I mean one stallion actually went to the hospital because he threw out his back when he tried picking me up."

Sprout giggled at the thought of anypony doing that to his marefriend. Even him. She was the one who called all the shots and worked him like he was her own personal sex toy. "You and I have a different idea of who's in charge." Sprout sighed and looked up at the clouds passing lazily overhead.

Posey frowned. "Okay, I don't like this version of you either. Too mopey." Posey swatted him lightly on the top of his head and got up and lightly stretched. "Okay, let's get your mommy issues right out of you cause whatever stupid nonsense you have on your mind is affecting this monster." Posey patted Sprout's sheath and quickly straddled him before he could protest, the bench creaking heavily as the weight of two ponies focused entirely on one section of it. "I'm going to fuck your brains out right now."

Sprout looked around nervously. They had been working up to public displays of way more than just affection, but this was on a bench in literal public, not hidden or even remotely secret in any way, it was completely against public decency, and fifty yards from a place Canterlogic pretty much operated. It felt wrong and way too forward. "Won't somepony see us? I mean its-" Sprout's complaints stopped as Posey put a hoof on his mouth and ground her pussy right over his sheath which reacted almost immediately by popping itself right out and slowly starting to become full sized, the black horsecock eagerly waiting for any sort of touch, even if it was completely illegal.

Posey leaned into Sprout, the bench creaking as she did so and guided his growing cock into her waiting honeypot, breathing out as she felt him slowly filling her like no other stallion had before him and smiling as she looked down and saw his cute, confused face right before she angled her head down and kissed him on his lips. She let her kiss linger and she felt him moan into her as she slowly bucked her hips. If he was down and sad about whatever bullshit his family was doing, she'd just have to ride him until he snapped out of it. Even if it took a while. At least she could get her own past demons, no matter how painful, away from her for the moment.

She grinned as she worked him like a pole, their three to four days a week sneaking out and fucking had attuned her to his needs, the swell of his cock hilting in her every time she bucked into him, this time slightly further as she leaned into the bench, the weight of her pushing into him. She stroked the bump he made in her every time he bottomed out and smiled, ever so briefly. She did love him, he was cute, deceptively smarter than he looked, hot as fuck to her, and nicer than most of the stallions she had bedded before. Smarter than a few of them even. And he didn't mind her foibles.

A wonderful catch. And if his mother would accept her in the normal way, a plan B had wiggled into her mind. A deceptively simple one.

She wanted to get pregnant with his foal.

She felt a flash of her own earth pony magic as she worked up and down her favorite sex toy, her previous collection inadequate outside of when she wasn't near him, too plastic, too unalive for her tastes now. She glanced into his eyes, crazed and focused entirely on her; his mane wet with effort as he held up her more prodigious weight. She felt happy with him in her own twisted way, and she slammed herself down on the bench over and over, the metal screaming as it bent to take the strain.

She angled herself back for a moment and marveled at Sprout's production for a moment, the orbs that held her dream to be fully one with him and, a part of her wanting to dote on a foal, had blossomed into a pair of nuts that were bigger than the first time that they had riotous sex. Almost melon like now, she hadn't remembered many stallions that had the whole package she desired. Sprout was her idol, her god of virility that she would worship. She wondered if those two wonderful fat orbs finally woke up or something, a reaction to them finally being used for once in their pitiful life. Or they knew what she wanted and changed to her depraved needs.

She heard Sprout give out a nearly feminine whinny as he let go and filled her with gooey warmth yet again, filling her womb until it felt uncomfortable, her womb bloating and giving her a look of being barely with foal. She smiled, imagining the rage his dear sweet mother felt every time he blasted her with baby batter, the idea of her gowing a life within her decidedy hot. Maybe she was in a midlife crisis or something. She let that thought slip away and stared down at her little sex god. Sprout always had such a pretty after sex face, the naive look in his eyes as he stared up at her, the world washing away as they were the only ones that mattered.

She could almost feel the eyes of Canterlogic stare directly at the pair of them, disapproving of their brazen display. Fuck them. She leaned down and kissed him, not caring if anypony knew about their little sordid affair. In reality, she reveled in the brazen attempt, marking him as hers as she rode out a series of orgasms as she waited for him to shrink down once again, until then his bloated dick would keep his seed deep within her, one of these attempts sooner of later knocking her up. "Sprout, whatever happens, I'm here for you, even the whole boring bits of relationships."

He grunted as she shifted enough to bring feeling in his legs again and leaned back, now farther than before as he realized that the bench they sat on was mangled and bent in the middle, their short but passionate lovemaking remaking the world around them in a small but significant way. The fear crept back up again, the idea that everything he had ever done, every hint of possible rebellion had been orchestrated by his mom.

Well, all save the mare currently straddling him like a madmare out in the open.

"Posey. what if my mom told me to take over the town?"

Posey bopped him on the head, not forcefully, but enough to knock him out of it. "Maybe she did. But you can't tell me she told you to make a totally cool death machine and become a dictator. Did she do that?"

Sprout thought back, his mom's worried and confused voice echoing in his ears, telling him that making things like that, doing things like that, existing like that was a terrible idea. "No. I mean it doesn't seem like it. She seemed pissed after the whole thing, and it hurt Canterlogic's bottom line. So no, she didn't."

Posey smiled. "Well that just means you did something Mommy hated. That there isn't everything in this town she controls with an iron hoof." Posey bent down and whispered in Sprout's ear. "That the stallion I fell for came up with all those ideas by himself."

***

Toots looked around the street that Posey lived on and carefully walked up to her door, barely registering her myriad plants and how they brightened up the rather nondescript street. He grimaced at what he had to do- he was often Mrs. Cloverleaf's errand colt or button pusher for the more dangerous experiments. A completely useful position, for sure, but one without much hope for climbing up the corporate ladder, a nearly dead-end position.

He shook his head and sighed. While he loved the complete stability his job had- for there was nothing that could completely replace him yet, even with how much of Canterlogic's technology could be retrofitted into mechanized workers. He wished that he could use his own creative mind and do something that didn't feel wrong or underhoofed. He carefully walked up to Posey's door, noting the rather standoffish mat that just said, 'Go Away' and quickly taped the invitation to the Cloverleaf residence to the door. He had learned not to put important mail such as this in a pony's mailbox from previous summons like this.

Mrs. Cloverleaf had been completely apopleptic when his last urgent summon message had been misconstrued as junk mail. That had been the worst meeting he had ever been in, and he wondered how close he had been to a letter of dismissal. Most ponies looked in their mail and threw out anything that looked unimportant, useless, or outright junk mail. He laughed at himself, thinking that that description of mail could be similar to his own job. Nearly unimportant. He had learned to put the mail where nopony could miss it.

He walked off and looked back for a moment. He could imagine the shock and rage that such a summon could bring to these two. He had spent time researching their files, seeing the snippets deemed appropriate of their public relationship, and remembering the moments he had spent with Sprout in passing. He had fun when Sprout was the ruler of Maretime Bay. Sure, it was a nightmare in retrospect, and he wasn't treated much better than usual, but he had been one of the ponies that had brought the war machine of Sprout's to life.

He had been the one to streamline Sprout's vague idea for a death machine and had drawn up the final drafts as to how it all fit together. He had, for once, used his degree in engineering for the first time he had worked in Canterlogic.

He had been needed for something outside of being a glorified errand colt.

***

"Sprout, what the fuck is this shit?" Posey waved the note from Phyllis in Sprout's face, her face a mask of rage.

Sprout backed away for a moment, worried that Posey would piledrive him into the dirt or worse with how she had been pacing around ranting for minutes about this new development. "How should I know? I mean I live with my mom, and she didn't mention any of this. Any of us. Nothing."

Posey slammed her hoof into the dirt. "So, you didn't know about this at all-" Posey read a quick passage from the letter, her voice wavering into a mocking tone as she did. "Dear Posey Bloom, as a resident of Maretime Bay, a Canterlogic town and subsidiary, you have certain rules to follow: One, announce that you are dating a Canterlogic employee. Two, refrain from any conduct that paints Canterlogic in an immoral or negative light. Three, any relations above your station are forbidden, if that is not to your liking, we will provide for you a severance package of one hundred thousand bits and a reduced rate for your living expenses of any sort, so you are properly able to care for yourself once you are separated from one Sprout Cloverleaf, future CEO of Cloverleaf Enterprises. . ." Posey looked up and crumpled the paper in her hooves. "You're saying that you didn't know any of that."

Sprout ran through the entire legal code of Canterlogic in his head, years of memorization and staring down one livid marefriend making him work as fast as he could to see any possible additions that made any of that illegal. He read the company minutes so often that he could quickly see any new changes to the code of conduct and figure out how the company was changing for the future.

Or at least how his mother reacted to new changes.

And he couldn't find a code that said anything about how it was illegal to have a relationship above one's station or anything like that. If that was the case, the whole town would be culpable for that same action in an incestuous tangle of nonsense. Almost everypony was in a subsidiary of Canterlogic properties with so many different job titles and levels of usefulness to the town that a law like that would cause the whole system to devolve into anarchy and chaos once that got out. Who was higher in a ladder of mediocrity and confusion?

"That's not a law, or at least not a current one. That's a threat."

Posey huffed and sat down on her doorstep. "So, what your mom is threatened by me? I've barely even seen the mare."

Sprout shook his head. "No, it's not a threat to you. She probably doesn't care at all about that. Though she'd be pissed that you got to me first. . ." Sprout grinned and put a hoof on Posey's head, carefully brushing a hoof through her mane. "I mean I was getting ready to court royalty soon. I mean Pipp and Zipp were choices. Don't remember who was in the lead for Bridlewood, though with how Sunny changed things, I wouldn't doubt that Mom would think Izzy was a good choice."

Posey rolled her eyes. "So, what, I popped your cherry, and your mom thinks that paying me off makes up for awesome mindblowing sex? That's laughable."

Sprout chuckled. "Yeah, it is. I mean come on if you had more of a say of what I did with my time, I feel you'd just lock me in your bedroom and have your way with me twenty hours a day." He wasn't completely joking, he was really loving Posey's attention, but the mare was even more sex obsessed that he realized at first. It was totally hot, but his groin needed a break sometimes with how often she milked him for all he was worth.

Posey smiled. "Don't give me any ideas but back to this nonsense." She waved a hoof towards the stack of papers that were written on the fancy memo paper of Canterlogic, the silver paper only used for extremely important memos and events. "I don't even know what to wear when meeting your mom. Or how formal the thing is, I mean will it be a full-on formal dinner with all those stupid cutlery rules we were forced to learn that one time."

"You mean 'Fancy Cutlery and You: A Beginner's Guide to Formal Dinners?" Sprout smiled when Posey stared daggers into him. Probably a bad memory had been pushed to the surface when he mentioned the full title. Not surprising, Maretime Bay adults seemed to have traumatic memories with some of the more difficult or niche lessons that Canterlogic forced on them as foals. "Sorry, sorry, I didn't like that one either. I mean cutting pizza with a fork is the dumbest rule even for fancy parties." Sprout sighed. "No, Mother will treat this like any other family dinner. So, you don't have to worry about dessert forks and salad forks and all that stuff."

"Good, because I wasn't going to follow it anyway. She can get stuffed if she thinks I'd worry about and follow the rules for fancy shit like that." She looked up at Sprout, her mind trying to form up a plan of attack against Mrs. Cloverleaf. "Fuck it. If your mother wrote this declaration of war-"

Sprout sighed. "It's a letter. Not a. . ."

"Declaration of war. If she wrote it, that just means she knows we're together. She had it taped to my fucking door. That means fuck the whole private stuff we're doing together. You aren't going home until we see her again."

Sprout felt the color drain from his face. "But that's like four days. She's never allowed me to have a sleepover for longer than two and that's with ponies my own sex."

Posey smiled. "Good. Cause we are going to do more than sleepover." She arched her neck and kissed him on the chest. "Far more. But between that? You get to tell me everything about your mom. If she knows nearly everything about me, turnabout is totally fair play."

***

Phyllis heard the doorbell ring from her office. She had planned out the night perfectly, running by the chef a carefully crafted menu that would let her focus on Sprout's choice of mare. Therefore, no major allergens or anything, while she had let her feelings of this Posey run rampant for a few days, she didn't want to outright murder her. The cover-up of that would be more trouble than it would be worth. She wondered how the mare was reacting to her house, the slight finery of the entranceway, the mahogany stairwell, the multiple Canterlogic branded items that weren't currently on the market. Her house was a bustle of activity most days, and even with Sprout on his glorified whore vacation, it hadn't slowed down. Canterlogic may have had a rather disastrous quarter due to the event her son had caused- it didn't mean that her house was a dead zone. Most of her business meetings ended up here.

She cantered out into the hallway, attempting to figure out what her plan of attack was. Sprout's date had many slights against her she now knew, and she'd push every single one just to see how she'd react. She had planned to do something similar if Sprout bedded one of the Zephyr Heights mares, barring certain rules on decorum. Royalty had its own rules and she couldn't just ask how one of the princesses liked being fucked. She had a system and it usually worked. And if it didn't work, it wasn't her fault, it was the other party or some rule she had to follow to save face.

"Oh Sprout. I thought you came in." She carefully acted nice, noticing that the yellow pony smiled ever so briefly as she walked in. "Sorry for not coming out to meet you immediately, I was working on a deal with Bridlewood for crystal technology,"

Sprout was used to his mother's tactics, so he played along, years of training to be the next CEO of her business switching on ever so briefly. He never really liked the feeling he had in his gut when he did so, the idea of him play acting a pony that knew what his mother was truly talking about felt wrong to him.

Like Posey, he would have just preferred not to come and eat pizza and ice cream while watching action movies on Hooflix. A typical Friday for him only with the new added benefit of getting laid while he did so. But no, he had to keep up the charade that either he was a dutiful son or a conniving snake waiting for his chance to cut her out of the business.

She had trained him well and while he was afraid of her, he'd found a reason to stand up and even come to dinner. Posey believed in him- slightly too much at times- but she did believe in what he could do. Which was more than his own mother. She usually controlled his life so completely that he had a routine that he had to follow every day since he was five years old. Tutors, mock meetings, controlled media usage, diets. If his mother found a way to control him, she would.

"That's fine, mom. I tried to come on time, but Posey here wanted to meet you so badly that we came a few minutes early." Lie. They came early to throw her rhythm off. His mom hated ponies being too early or too late, both fluctuations seen as a slight against her tightly run company.

Phyllis looked at the mare that chose her son. And she found her lacking easily. Too muscular, too tall, too large. Not welcoming with her looks, no makeup. And how she stood so close to Sprout, his body language mirroring hers, the slight turn of his neck towards her.

Fuck. He was infatuated with this mare. All of her plans to make him a good leader, a good stallion completely dashed on the rocks as he found the first strong willed mare and had relations that she, as his mother, did not approve of.

"Oh really? A mare after my own heart? Well I guess we can do a quick tour of the house while the help gives the food its final touches."

***

"And that's how Canterlogic was made." Phyllis finished her story and looked back at her son and his fling. "Any questions?"

Posey nodded quickly. "So, I get the whole history thing, but you mentioned in passing that you were related to the Apple Family. I thought that was just some nonsense Sunny made up to make her love of the past make more sense." Posey was quite confused as well since the history of Maretime Bay before the founding was rather murky and rarely taught in company sponsored school.

Phyllis sighed. She could have had a conversation about anything else, but it seemed like anypony wanted to hear about ever since Equestria's newest 'alicorn', whatever that meant, spread her silly ideas she had from the past. She smiled, cursing Argyle Starshine and his ideas of past Equestria, his wife and her own theories about alternate dimensions, and anything that didn't conform to the history she wanted to tell. It was easier for ponies to have a bite sized, simplistic view of the world that told them exactly how to act around those unlike them, than to explain that history was far darker and full of shades of gray. "Yes, well, we believe so. Hard to say, since we don't have any true records of the time, but family history says we were related to the Apples through Big Macintosh so it at least each story is consistent. Though I doubt Sunny and her Brighthouse have anything of note to say about him. It's all "Elements of Harmony and the Three Crystals this and that."

Posey nodded and quickly elbowed Sprout in the ribs once his mom turned away again. "Big Macintosh? Wonder where he got that name, huh. Hey, Sprout, quick question about genetics. Can you inherit a dick from five thousand years ago?" She saw him blush crimson and turn away. She grinned harder. She must have said something that he had been thinking of himself for quite a while since it was usually hard to notice him blushing through his coat. "Either way, you probably beat him there too, at least in how big it looks on you. I mean his name was Big Macintosh, he'd have to be like a giant, right? So proportionally his dick had to be completely unwieldy, on you it just looks like you have a fifth leg."

"Pose, not the time. And if you want to debate on history, I can tell you more. It's not like I have this vaguely memorized too. My mom drilled our history into me to show me where I came from, what Canterlogic meant to Maretime Bay, and our role in keeping the town safe."

"Wonderful. How completely altruistic of her. Still think you had the cooler idea though. At least better fashion, I mean look at this original Canterlogic wear. . ." Posey pointed at a slate gray uniform with black trim, form fitted to the exact specifications of the pony with little hint of who wore it. There were no buttons or medals that mentioned the pony by name, just a cold suit of a nameless pony. "I mean seriously, at least green looks good on you. Even though you did kind of make up every single medal you wore, I checked, we never had a Maretime Bay Navy. Or Commander in Chief of Costuming."

Sprout groaned. "Mom told me about how countries ran. I kind of went mad with power."

Posey patted her stallion's head. "Yeah, you did. It was totally hot, and I'm glad you didn't go mad with another power." She winked. "Cause Maretime Bay would have had a baby boom if that secret between your legs had gotten out." She laughed at her joke. "Come on, let's ruin your mom's night."

***

"Main course is a cut of eggplant steak lightly battered and fried, covered in a marinara sauce. Sides are brussels sprouts and turnips, with a chef salad. And dessert is a strawberry rhubarb pie. Anything else, madam?" The chef, who Sprout thought was named Cheese Souffle or something like that, bowed and quickly melted back into the kitchen once he saw that Phyllis didn't respond.

"Wow, mom. This is, uh, a lot of food." Sprout really was taken aback. The spread filled most of the table and while it all looked good to him, or at least edible since it wasn't his diet of pizza and ice cream with coffee or soda, he'd gotten used to Posey and him just having a meal or two a day, maybe another if they had passionate sex, but it'd been a few weeks since he started eating a more balanced diet- or at least a more reasonable amount of food and it looked to be a lot.

His mom smiled. "Well, you are a growing boy, and this is the first mare you brought home, I might have overdone the menu amounts because I was just so proud."

"Mom, I'm like twenty-five. I'm an adult. Seriously I don't think I could eat a quarter of this."

Posey cut the family semantics squabble short since she was rather hungry, and the food looked good. Also, she didn't give a single fuck about decorum, so she just rolled her eyes and turned to Sprout for a moment, looking him dead in the eye. "Well, that's okay, if you don't finish your food, I will, I mean don't we already share everything anyway?" The question hung in the air, unanswered, almost threatening. It said 'We share everything, including all, or at least most, of our bodily fluids.' And Posey turned back and grabbed a few helpings of food off nearby serving plates. "It's funny, Phyllis, you'd think Sproutykins here just would pack away his food, I mean he burns calories like a racehorse depending on what he does. . .but no, it's usually me eating for two. I mean my food bill is so much higher than normal."

Phyllis was angrily drinking her water and coughed as that sentence came out of nowhere and smacked her upside the face. "What? You aren't pregnant, are you?"

Posey shook her head. "Oh no, I forgot the words, I meant I work hard at my job, gardening and all that. I would eat twice as much as your cute son here. Though with how much he adores me, I think a little Cloverleaf will be coming sooner or later. I mean you taught him how to respect a mare's needs."

Sprout blanched as he sat there barely moving as his mom and Posey stared daggers at one another. "Well, uh, how's business again? Bridlewood and all that jazz?"

Phyllis gripped onto her knife tightly as she turned to her son, her hoof shaking with rage. "Wonderful, wonderful. Just dealing with a bad quarter. It's rather difficult to perform business deals when your name is tied to creating a weapon of war. I mean seriously, did you have to make that giant robot? I had a talk with Toots about his part in the whole mess, he was the one who made your flight of fancy a reality and look at where we are now. He should have nixed your silly plans and locked you in jail for being a bad influence on my company."

Sprout wanted to leave. "So, a bad quarter huh, not great. Though Canterlogic and the Bay are now actually trading with other parts of Equestria. I'd count that as a silver lining to this mess. I mean nowhere to go but up." He nervously smiled as he tried to look as unthreatening as possible. The food he had sat barely touched on his plate.

Posey put a hoof on his thigh. "Sprout at least had interesting ideas. I mean I wouldn't have come up with a giant murder robot and militarizing the entire town. He did. Didn't your company tell all of us how scary the other races are, how full of magic they were, and how unprepared we would be if we didn't have your technology?" She slammed her hoof on the table, cobweb cracks forming on it as she stared directly into Sprout's mom's eyes. "I think he just took your ideas and made them better."

Phyllis gritted her teeth. "Yes, well we can come back to that." She switched tactics. She was used to everypony in her business hanging on to every word she said, doing what she told them to do and liking it. Not getting berated by some two-bit whore that thought she was a good match for Sprout. "So, Posey, what do your parents do for a living? I mean I have all this information about you, your likes, dislikes, job, even your grades from school and yet there's nothing really about your parents. Which is impossible since you can't just pop into existence." Phyllis smiled and propped her head in her hooves waiting for an answer. She already knew it, but she did like putting uppity mares in their place. "I mean I already had my staff look through your files, every single nook and cranny that you had almost filed away, and your parents were such an interesting story. . ."

Posey blinked and looked down at her food. "Well. . .I'm-" she breathed out, unsure of how to phrase it. She hadn't expected to get that question. She assumed it just wouldn't come up. "an orphan. That's it. I mean I didn't go to your shelters, but I found my way up and fortunately with your son."

Sprout looked at his marefriend and was taken aback at the sight of her. She was carefully holding herself together as she sat there looking down at her lap. Sprout hadn't seen her this dejected since they started dating, maybe the time she thought he died when they had their first time, but she looked like she was completely broken. "Mother, I don't think. . ."

"One moment, dear. Then you can speak. Posey, you didn't tell him, did you? You aren't just an orphan. I usually take care of those who are unfortunate, as you so nicely put. It's the Canterlogic way. But you, you were one that I let into my seminars hoping that you would change, would grow and see the ways I, and my company, can help this town. But no, you are sitting right here beginning to berate me for doing what's right." Phyllis brushed a hoof through her mane in frustration. "You almost had it. You had your silly morality club and a job that had some use. But no, I can't have a halfbreed lecture me as to why I'm a bad parent. You were going to get there, yes? Your little secret you hid so well. I mean you're so into racial purity, I'd have thought you were a real earth pony. I mean I almost gave you a medal for it once, almost, but you kept pushing it too far. You did that part of Canterlogic doctrine too well. I can't have outright liabilities in my company or with my son, how would it look if my son actually married you? It'd be chaos."

Posey stared at Phyllis, tears streaming down her face and looked at her hard. She was angry, so very, very angry. And she just felt nothing. She had figured something like this would happen, she was always the crazy one, too emotional, too wrong. And she was just so angry. She sat there boiling with rage as years of teasing and abuse bubbled up to meet Maretime Bay's owner. She felt something break inside her, her earth pony magic flaring as it resonated with her rage, and she stared daggers into the pink earth pony that was unfortunately Sprout's mother. "Fuck you with a ten-foot pole. Fuck off and stay away from me. I don't even know how Sprout's related to you. Cause you are the worst pony I've ever met, and I've had to deal with this fucking town, attempting to fit in and act like how the Canterlogic manual told me to. And I get this. I get all of this fucking shit."

Phyllis stared back, dumbfounded. She had expected that to push her buttons, maybe shatter her persistent delusions that this whore was anything but Sprout's latest flight of fancy, but Posey looked like she was ready to murder her for mentioning her little secret. Before she could taunt her anymore, Phyllis felt a rush of air and a a slight pain in her cheek, and she touched it and her hoof came back red with blood. She slowly turned and saw Posey's cutting knife embedded to the hilt in her dining room wall. She had come so close to death, and she sat there, fear creeping up as she was for once completely frozen. Business deals were simple, and ponies usually acted the way she wanted them to. For once, she had pushed on an emotion and created pure chaos. She had expected Posey to get up and leave, maybe take the offer she had mentioned in her letter. Simple and clean. And now she had a knife embedded half a foot into her wall and a cut that would take time to heal. She could just imagine explaining to a contractor or her own workers how that silly mistake happened.

Posey just stared down at her hoof and, in one fluid motion, pushed back her chair and ran out of the room.

Phyllis felt her airways clear, and she took a long hard breath before she spoke, the fear dissipating as fast as it had enveloped her. "Sprout, I forbid you to see that mare."

Sprout looked at his mother and finally saw her for what she was. She wasn't a God. She was just a bully that expected him to follow every rule she set, no matter the cost. He felt an emotion he thought was pity and sat up. "No, mom, I'm not. Go fuck yourself." He stood up and slunk off, waiting for his mom to ground him or something for talking back, but he just wanted to find Posey and figure out what to do.

Phyllis sat in her trashed dining room and stifled a laugh. There was a first time for everything. She fumbled for a nearby intercom button and pressed it. "Yes, bring me up a bottle of wine. No, two." She touched her cheek and winced. "Oh and a medical bag, it seems our guests cut me."

***

"Halfbreeds and You: How to Tell Genetic Purity." Posey grimaced as she passed by the sign for the newest Canterlogic lecture. She fidgeted as she graciously took a pamphlet from a nearby worker, and she looked down at its rather pretty scrawl. She had tried to hide her ancestry as much as she could, but with how frequent the seminars had become and how loud each purity protest was, it was getting harder and harder to stay away from a rally or two.

At some point she'd have to dip her hooves in the water. If she didn't, it would look suspect, and she couldn't have that. She had a relatively spotless record, if not exemplary now for Canterlogic approvals, she just had to ace the final test and she had a chance to enter the real power in town.

She blushed, imagining seeing Sprout even more often than she did, no more furtive glances, no more hospital trips for him whenever he got too close. It was a fantasy that she doubted would ever come true. But a mare could dream. She was sixteen and hopeful for anything outside of her paltry life on the edge of Maretime Bay.

She breathed out and looked at the flyer again. She had doubts about going to a rally like this- sure they didn't use magic anymore what with earth pony magic on the fritz and weakening due to some foreign plot, but she was a normal pony. She wasn't a spy planning corporate espionage, she couldn't even spell that, let alone spend time coming up with ways to destroy all of Canterlogic and, by extension, Maretime Bay.

And she could barely remember her mom's parents. She had so few defined memories of her own parents that she had even hazier memories of Grandpa and Grandma. Or at least the ones she met. If her dad was to be believed, he came from the most true blue stock of earth ponies who ever dug earth. It was her mom's side that tangled her genetics into a knot. Both of her parents were outcasts- a unicorn who couldn't cut it in Bridlewood and a pegasus who could barely fly.

They had met and wed and created her mom, a wonderful pegasus mare that had decided to clip her wings in order to fit into the Bay. Posey's first and most vivid memory of her foalhood was tracing a hoof over the stumps of her mother's wings and asking why she did it. She had never got an answer. They could have existed outside of the town proper, living their own perfect life. It could have been fine. Except a few earth ponies had found her parents one day and had accused the both of them being subversive, some new Canterlogic law had been passed and they had aroused enough suspicion just because her mom's wing stumps couldn't be waved away. Her father was a pegasus lover and spy, if the town was to be believed, not a pony that had found love in a place outside of the confines of the Bay. One thing led to another and Posey had watched her parents walk into a building one day and never come out. She had waited by the cold steel doors, nearly day in and day out for three weeks, scrounging food when she could.

She had been six.

Posey looked down and considered it. It was just one rally, one single one. She didn't even have to lie about her parentage in a way since everypony would expect pureblooded earth ponies to be the only ones there. On documents, she just fudged her mother's race and misspelled her name ever so slightly, nopony really noticed since the Bay was starting to add so many layers of technology that a document saying that "Kite Runner, Pegasi Halfbreed Female" and "Night Runner, Earth Pony Pureblood Female" were somehow the same pony and both had one Posey Bloom was seen as a glitch.

She felt a knot in her stomach as she considered going to a rally. It was like selling her soul, but if she didn't go at all, she'd get written up or brought into review and she didn't want to test how comfy the corporate jail or whatever punishment above normal jail there was.

Posey crumpled the paper and sighed. There was one way into Canterlogic. or at least the higher rungs.

She'd never even have to go to a rally ever again after this.

***

Posey barely heard Sprout come in. She should have expected him to look here eventually- she had come rushing out of the dining room, scaring the wait staff half to death as she did so. They had taken one look at her livid mood and pointed her in the direction of the quietest room they knew.

Which just so happened to be Sprout's bedroom.

She looked at the slight opulence that the room exuded when she had entered, each new gaming console set up in their own little corner, a gaming pc that lit up like a firework display, and a giant fridge that, when she opened it just to see what was in it, was stocked to the brim with pizzas and more ice cream than the local ice cream shop. It was the quintessential bachelor pad at a glance- well besides the smell. There was no scent of musk that told you at a hint that there was a sexually active stallion on the premises. She knew exactly why and smiled at the thought of Sprout sitting here, too afraid to watch porn and jack off his cock like a normal stallion. She had entered many male apartments in her lewd and shameful desire for love and attention and this was the first that didn't have her gag when she entered.

She opened up the fridge and picked out a few gallons of ice cream at random and, glancing through nearby drawers, quickly found the biggest spoon and dug in.

Sprout had found her in that state, misty eyed and shoveling down ice cream to fill the void that could never be truly filled. Not her vagina, that was easily dealt with, but her past and its black cloud of pain that she had kept hidden, unable to show because the first hate filled rally had turned into two, then four, then eight. Her friends she surrounded herself with loved Canterlogic and would have hated the true her. She stayed quiet about her secret and it ate her up inside whenever she looked at her gaggle of friends and saw the hate behind their eyes. So, she tried fitting in harder and harder, no matter the cost, no matter who she hurt. And her life had become consumed by a sense of morality that she knew, deep down inside, that she was breaking by her mere existence. A hypocrite to every value Canterlogic had and espoused, a fraud that judged others for her own transgressions.

"So, I just told my mom to fuck off." Sprout gingerly got on his bed and attempted to wrap his hooves around his mare, her broader shoulders and chiseled exterior making it impossible, but he still attempted. "She'll be royally pissed about that. I mean that's the first time I truly said no to her face, well, besides the time she wanted to hire a clown for my fifth birthday. I threw a major tantrum then, and she actually didn't go through with it. The next day she decided I was old enough to start learning the ropes." He laid his head on her back and nuzzled into her neck.

Posey tossed aside the ice cream and looked up, finally realizing that she had went through four whole gallons of the stuff, her stomach tight and bloated from her emotional binge. She didn't feel better at all; she felt on the verge of being ungodly sick. She shifted her weight, feeling the slight change of her center of gravity as she did so and pressed herself into Sprout, unable to look the smaller stallion in the eye as she hugged him tightly.

"So, four gallons, huh? I mean that's impressive. I only ever ate two whole gallons in a sitting when sad. And I'm related to my mom."

Posey felt a hitch in her voice as she tried to speak, "so you don't think I'm a super horrible spy hypocrite that should die or get exiled or go to super jail?" Sprout looked like a blob of red that she could barely see through the fountain of tears that was running down her coat.

Sprout shook his head. "Ask Sunny or Hitch about that. I don't really care or feel comfortable judging you; I mean didn't you say I built a cool death machine and ruled the town like a dictator. I don't want to rip open whatever you are dealing with, tell me later, I just want to be here for you now."

Posey wiped tears from her face with Sprout's silk sheets, her eyes puffy and aching. "I said a lot of things, yes, but I think I joked you had a dictator between your legs, what with that hard iron rod." Posey tried joking with her red stallion, but it felt forced and wrong. "You don't have to see me anymore, I ruined dinner, your mom hates me, what with the wait staff giving me a knowing look before I ran here, my life is ruined. That's going to come out sooner or later and the whole town will think I'm the worst."

Sprout nodded. "All good points. I mean yeah dinner's pretty much fucked; my mom does hate you, and the wait staff were totally spreading rumors about this mess. But like that's normal. Why do you think I have this cool ass setup here, my electronics and a whole fridge? I mean I also have an oven hidden over there. . ." he pointed to the far wall and Posey could barely see a glimpse of an oven in a nearby alcove. "It isn't much, but it makes dinner bearable. My mom hates everypony and the staff talks up a storm because they just do. It's nothing new. The shattered table and knife in the wall though, totally hot even though you did almost murder my mom."

Posey sputtered out a quick apology. "I mean I didn't really mean to. I was just so mad and didn't think and I hadn't even tossed that hard. And I thought I aimed bad. But I guess magic. . ."

Sprout held up a hoof to Posey's mouth and shrugged. "Either way. Lesson learned, don't make you actually mad." He wiggled an eyebrow. "Though it could be fun. Think of all the possibilities and fun we could do if you actually let loose. You'd be Hitch's nightmare, a pony who he couldn't truly arrest cause she'd break out of jail if she was pissed enough. It'd become too expensive to hold you at all."

Posey was about to smack him for even suggesting it and would have if he smiled and kissed her on the nose.

"I'm kidding. Geez." Sprout lay on his bed for a moment before sliding his whole body off the bed and looking mischievously up at his hot marefriend, her magnificent pink bush on partial display as her recent ice cream massacre added like ten pounds to her midsection. She looked pregnant. "Though come on, Pose, you played a mean trick on me. I mean really, you thought I wouldn't Trottle "what are condoms" for our whole relationship and read how babies were made? Remember- idiot, not stupid."

Posey felt dread. Fuck she was completely boned. "I didn't mean to at first. Then you just didn't protest when I kept letting you raw dog me"

Sprout smiled. "Well, I just told my mom to get fucked. It's not like she's going to like you any less- no matter what we do. Though I never expected her getting a chance at grandfoals. I could even attempt a hostile takeover of Canterlogic and she'd probably hate me less. She might actually become proud of me if I ever did that. Which totally gives me an idea." Posey would have asked what his plan was, but he quickly put her off asking for the moment as he dived snout first into her honey pot, his eager but untrained oral skills giving her a rather uneven, but honest experience. She could go a full minute as he blindly ate her out without giving her an orgasm and then his snout would brush against her sensitive nub and stay there sucking on it like a vacuum cleaner, her body reacting by clenching her legs together and holding him captive until he tapped on her side, him telling her at those moments that he needed to breathe.

Sprout was untrained in so many things, sex being the main one, but she quickly decided that that would change. She unclenched her legs and as he came up for air, she knew he was the one. Fully and completely. "Sprout, breed me. Don't fucking stop until I say so." She felt the bed creak as he obliged her request and got back on the bed and positioned his thick member over her ready and waiting snatch and hilted himself inside her. She noticed his glowing green eyes and felt his earth pony strength start as he slowly worked his way up to speed, her vagina fitting like a glove around his phallus, she groaned and bucked her hips upwards, his fat melon sized nuts swinging like a pendulum each time their hips met and smacking her on the ass, it sounded like the lewdest clapping noise Posey ever heard and it drove her wild,

"Faster, Sprout, faster. Really show me how a stallion rides a mare."

The bed creaked and groaned once he started jackhammering her deepest cavern, his eyes glowing with a green desire, his magic activating as he played her insides like a master, her stuffed stomach forgotten as he stuffed something more instant and primal within her.

She would tell him later all he needed to know, but tonight she was his and this bed would not survive their cathartic love session. She let herself go, her magic warming her insides as earth pony strength flooded her, so his intense and unfocused jackhammer of a cock caused a dull ache each time he entered her, not the fervent, yet uncomfortable and untrained fuck session of a near virgin.

Though even then, at least he wasn't a bad lay, far from it. She'd cum more with his terrible to average skills than she had with most stallions- most of them cared only for their own release and school sessions of "the birds and the bees" had taught them nothing about mares.

His huge hog of a dick made up for some of it. The rest, until she would teach him how to please a mare fully, was her own desire for him, her years of longing for his touch, his unavailability, her own self-loathing.

She'd tell him her fears, her wants, her hopes and dreams. Even her deepest darkest failures. But for now, he was pounding her in such an interesting way that she couldn't give a fuck what his mother had to say about their relationship or what the day had devolved into- a primal rut, the unspoken sentence from him when he didn't bring up what most would have found disgusting or detestable- her halfbreed status- was in the corner of her mind and still existed, her mind conjuring up thoughts of her getting railed so hard by him that she'd orgasm wings into existence, the offending things sprouting free and clear from her back, the pair too large and unwieldly to cover or hide.

The mocking laughter of the Bay as she entered the town with two massive wings.

Her fear of rejection. Of pain. Of everything her mother had dealt with and lived through happening to her, a cycle of pain and torment that she would rightfully deserve for the pain she caused so many, the echoes of their wailing screams as she watched, with little remorse as her friends in the Bay just tortured them in so many uncountable ways and she sat there complicit in everything she did- calling it morality when it was just so cruel.

She gripped onto Sprout like a drowning mare and felt him release hot load after load into her, the sound of the bed shattering under the weight and power of two earth ponies using magic in a sexual frenzy almost distant to her ears.

She would change for him, the arduous process of, ugh, making friends and acting better to others, even if the town distrusted her completely at first would be a start.

She was a halfbreed and she was not a pony, she was lesser, disgusting, and devious. That was Canterlogic's messaging. She was most of those things, true, but with him she was enough. With him, she could conquer the world.

Or at least carve her own slice of heaven out of it. A place where she could dare to be happy.

The Deeper The Wound I'm Inside You, For Ever and Ever I Am A Part of You

Posey stared at the water in the toilet bowl and sighed. Stupid possible morning sickness. She didn't know if she was knocked up, but it definitely made sense. She liked sex too much and had decided to not use any form of protection it was highly likely she was. It had been nearly three weeks since Sprout had been unceremoniously kicked out of his mom's place- and Sprout hadn't moved in with Hitch, that's for sure.

She spat into the toilet bowl and carefully got up, her legs hurting from sitting on the tile floor too long. Feeling her back pop as she got up, she looked in the mirror and smiled at the various new hair products cluttering her vanity. Sprout had moved in all of his things- or at least a Canterlogic affiliated moving company did, and his collection of beauty products surprised her. Not that he wasn't already hot, she just thought that most stallions didn't care about how they looked. She shrugged, maybe the whole idea of being the next in line for Canterlogic's CEO made him self conscious. She didn't fault him for that, after the horrible dinner the pair had with Phyllis, she understood why he might be slightly neurotic sometimes.

"Posey, you okay?" Sprout's voice came from the other side of the door. He sounded rather worried.

"I'm fine, just think something isn't agreeing with me all that much. I'll probably get over it." She stretched her limbs and walked out of the bathroom, the bright light of the day blinding her for a moment as she got out of the relatively dark and dingy bathroom. "Okay, so what magical nonsense do I have to do this week for my "good mare points" or whatever?"

Sprout rolled his eyes. "You probably aren't going to like it, but Sunny's friend has an idea."

Posey shivered at that. After Sprout had decided that Canterlogic properties were not the best choices for Posey's rehabilitation, and after he pretty much burned any remaining goodwill his mom actually had during the dinner, the two of them were pony non grata in the eyes of much of Maretime Bay. She didn't really give a fuck, since she already kind of was a non-entity in the Bay, but Sprout hadn't taken it so well.

Not that she minded mindless rutting during a romance movie. That was rather great, and the movie was so boring that fucking was a good alternative, but the sexual aftermath where he just sat there crying was kind of awkward. Posey still thought of him as a sexual masterclass in terms of cock, but emotionally? He was kind of a mess after he got his golden parachute taken away.

It had gotten slightly better but Sprout still looked like a mess- his hair wasn't as cared for, he looked exhausted, and he was always on edge if something bad happened. Which didn't bode well if she was actually pregnant after all the mind-blowng sex they had.

"Well, Sprout, hit me with it. Who is it?" Posey led with that question because 'Sunny's friend' could be anypony. Or at least five other choices. She hoped it was one of the pegasi, at least then she could attempt to connect with them, find a similar interest, maybe make a friend slowly in the process. The unicorn was her own creature and she hoped that it wasn't that friend.

"You know Sunny's unicorn friend? She has an idea for what is it? Unicycling some old stuff and selling it for a Bridlewood charity. Which surprised me, I mean I went to Bridlewood and I didn't think they knew what charity was since most of them just seemed like hardcore gambling addicts with how often they bet their stuff in games of chance. But no matter, Izzy is not the best choice, but I doubt Pipp would let you near Mane Melody without an apology or without a resume."

Posey grumbled and picked up a slice of pizza and stared at it for a while in thought. She still remembered all the weird nonsense Izzy did to her- ruining her showing of Trotsformers, being weird with that odd fake unicorn she made out of junk and started talking to like it was a real pony, and actually attacking her for her earrings for no discernable reason. In effect, Izzy was fucking insane.

"Fine. What's the worst that can happen?"

***

"Ta-dah!" Izzy waved her hooves around the small corner of the Brighthouse that she had claimed for herself. The bubbly unicorn currently had a pair of ill-fitting goggles on her and, as Posey looked down, she was covered in grime that the yellow earth pony balked at. "Welcome to Izzy's Wonderful Creation Station, name pending. I mean I'm not as good as Pipp when it comes to naming things, but the ideas are all in my noggin." Izzy smiled as she tapped on her head for a moment.

Posey shared a look with her stallion and the pair shrugged. Sprout had mellowed out since the first introduction of the Bridlewood unicorn, and he was annoyed with some of her antics, but he wasn't currently screaming bloody murder while wearing anti-unicorn hats. The last few months of working together had recontextualized a few things- and one of those things was Izzy herself. She was just odd, even in relation to unicorns.

"Okay, so while I've never really done community service work myself, I had Sunny try to explain it to me and it sounds like fun. Or at least interesting. And it's a two gems one stone situation since Alphabittle wanted me to do an art thing for Bridlewood and try to show this whole Friendship and Harmony stuff that Sunny talks about all the time. And Sprout came up to me and asked if I had ideas to help you out and I thought, who better to help me create a statue. I mean I'm going to be doing most of the creating, but you get to do the trash hunting."

Posey blinked, trying to understand what Izzy actually said in one breath. She just nodded as she deciphered the war of words that had spilled out of Izzy. "I don't really like trash all that much, though. I already did some work like this, and it wasn't that fun." Posey was trying to be nicer to most ponies, but Izzy was testing her patience. She slowly tapped her hoof as she wished the purple unicorn would get to her point.

Izzy stood still for a moment and looked at Posey like she grew a second head. "Who doesn't like trash? I mean, sure, its old and broken and all that, but that's where my unicycling comes in and gives it a coat of fresh paint and bing bang boom, new item that uses the old stuff and makes something new." Izzy waved her hooves in the air and looked up at the ceiling for a moment before coming back down to earth and looking Posey in the eye. "I get it. You just haven't used your imagination that much."

Posey breathed out and tried not to scream her feelings at this unicorn brick wall in front of her. "I use my imagination all the time. I mean I do flower arrangements and ran a nice team of ponies. . ." Posey blushed as a flash of memory hit, her mind conjuring up ideas for how to make her coltfriend scream her name. "My imagination gets used plenty, thank you."

Izzy shrugged. "Whatever, you missed the whole point I was trying to make. You need to learn how to chill out and, good for you, I'm a master of zen." Izzy pulled out a long list of things out of her desk and unrolled it, careful not to make the controlled chaos of her station worse. "Okay so we need to find a lot of loopity loops, but like huge ones. And some rocks or concrete to use for the statue and. . ."

Posey tuned Izzy out as made-up words and ideas hit her brain.

***

"So. . .how did you decide to move in with Posey?" Hitch crossed his hooves as he looked at his Deputy. He had heard through the Maretime Bay rumor mill of Sprout and Mrs. Cloverleaf having family issues, any family could and would. And Mrs. Cloverleaf was far from the most diplomatic of ponies but hearing that his deputy moved in with Posey threw him through a loop.

Sprout tapped his hooves together. He had worried for a while that Hitch might actually broach this topic. It wasn't like they were completely hiding that they lived together. At least he didn't bring up Posey's proclivity to start having sex in public. While this was an uncomfortable situation, he could bend the truth ever so slightly, not outright lying, but not painting a complete picture. "Heat of the moment? Uh, she can be very persuasive." Understatement of the century there, Sprout had fallen into a state of debauchery that his mother would balk at. He looked at Hitch and shrugged, trying not to hear his mind fill in the memories of Posey's dulcet moans.

Hitch facehoofed in slight annoyance. "Dude, I have a house you could have crashed at. A nearly empty guest bedroom. Stallion cave. Well, not as crazy as your old bedroom, but still adequate." Nothing could be as amazing as Sprout's spread of consoles and nearly self-contained "stallion island", as Hitch teasingly called it, but Hitch had a salary from the town that paid him well and he saved enough to splurge on items that he wanted. He wasn't made of money like the Cloverleafs, no pony was in the Bay, but he was definitely better off than most.

"Yeah, but I still remember our last sleepover, you spent most of the night explaining how Rubies and Hammertime musicals are the best things ever and spent four hours trying to show how musicals impacted film history. I fell asleep with you saying how Manespray is a cautionary tale about racism and inclusion."

Hitch looked at the back wall, imagining his extensive and methodical, and totally not bonkers, connective list of musicals. "Good times, good times. And I figured you had fallen asleep; I mean if you actually had listened to my musical advice, you wouldn't have sung a song about creating an angry mob. Or tried to make an earth pony utopia." Hitch smugly looked at Sprout and winked. "Musicals are amazing, dude. And somepony needs to work on their rhyming skills, Sprout." Hitch grinned as he remembered Sprout's special song that he created. "Seriously, rhyming mob with cob? Were you pulling rhymes out of a hat?"

Sprout crossed his hooves and looked down at his cup of coffee. "That happened one time. Have one moment you burst out into song and nopony lets you live it down. And I thought we weren't going to mention it again- I gave you two dozen cupcakes so you wouldn't hold that over my head for the rest of my life."

Hitch nodded and adjusted his sheriff badge. "I don't take bribes, Sprout, so while those were totally wonderful apple pie cupcakes, I know one thing and one thing only truly tastes amazing."

Sprout rolled his eyes, knowing exactly where this was going. He had listened to his one and only colthood friend have this same exact, or near exact, speech for two whole decades. "Here we go."

"Justice. Justice is best served cold, or hot, or even lukewarm. And it gets better with time." Hitch stood up and bent over his desk, staring at his red friend. "I get out there every single day to fix pony crime and try to make Maretime Bay a better place, even if it doesn't seem to care. I put my hooves on the pavement and run from the Brighthouse all the way to the beach and back again just to solve the smallest issue. All for little reward or thanks."

Sprout sighed. "Most of that is wildly overblown. I mean we solved a case involving stolen mayonnaise recently, and "the Brighthouse all the way to the beach" is like ten minutes tops. And you own your own house, you get paid well. Or should I forget that you just wondered why I didn't move into your guest room?" Sprout lazily looked at Hitch, who was breathing heavily after his short rant, his eyes sparkling with joy, probably imagining even more ludicrous metaphors about how great justice was."And this is why I said when I was ten that your favorite superhero should have been Batstallion, not Cyclops. Give you a sad backstory and some more money and you could be Wild Bronco, the Batstallion."

Hitch was pulled out of his reverie as he had caught some of Sprout's last few sentences and quickly rolled his eyes. "If it was anypony who would be Batstallion, it'd be you, Sprout. I mean your family owns Canterlogic, our very own Wild Enterprises."

Sprout grimaced at that thought, but said nothing, the sting of the last few weeks and his tacit approval of Canterlogic practices until now staying unsaid and hanging ever so uncomfortably in the air. "Yeah, that's true."

The pair's friendly discussion was cut short by a Sheriff phone ringing. Hitch held up a hoof, silently saying that, no this conversation was not truly over, but he would put a pin in it for now. "Hello? Sheriff's Office, Sheriff Hitch himself speaking."

Sprout couldn't hear much from the other end of the line besides the normal muffled mumbling that a worried bystander often had in Maretime Bay, their high-pitched yelling coming through loud and clear. Whatever the pony on the other end of the line was saying was making Hitch look rather worried.

"Thank you, concerned citizen, I, and my deputy will be right on our way." Hitch carefully placed the phone back on its holder and crossed his hooves in thought for a moment while glancing carefully at Sprout. That wasn't a good sign, a silent Hitch was worse than one who spent four hours boring him to death with musical facts. "So. . .that was Dahlia. And somehow Posey and Izzy have been causing a mess down in the shopping district. Like a lot of trouble."

Sprout groaned. Perfect.

***

"Neato, a thingamabobble." Izzy waved a random piece of trash around and looked at it, careful to see how it looked from all sides and hummed to herself as she probably created something in her mind with it.

Posey had spent the last few hours sifting through trash, feeling like she was doing something rather illegal in looking through ponies' random bits and bobs and almost ripping apart bags of trash to get something for Izzy's statuary that she was creating. It was even more difficult because the unicorn explained what she wanted in the weirdest, or most obtuse, way possible. An earring and a life preserver could be both 'ringly things' or a wood block and a book could be 'squarish things'. Nothing accounting for size or material or discernable markings that she could recognize were ever mentioned.

Posey's help often devolved to Izzy pointing at a random bit of trash and Posey retrieving it like a dog.

It was infuriating and she would have spent time screaming into the void if it had been weeks earlier, but this was the newer and improved Posey, she was trying to get outside of her comfort zone. And if she had to sit here looking at Izzy sorting through trash, she'd at least get something out of it. She could be helping Zipp teach pegasi how to fly, like Maretime Bay needed a busier airspace. So, she breathed out her mouth to not smell the trash, and looked at the purple unicorn, who was tossing entire bags of trash out of the dumpster to sort through, and Posey tried to start an actual conversation- because hearing Izzy babble on like a foal about trash was mind numbing. "So, 'unicycling' why do you even do it?" Posey had that thought for a while, because Izzy's unicycling and actual real world unicycling were completely different and it annoyed her.

Izzy looked at a rusted bit of scrap metal and floated it out of the dumpster. She looked at Posey and shrugged. "Always have. My family liked my stuff, they even called it creative and fun." Izzy sighed for a moment, getting lost in thought for a moment. "So, I kept doing it. And hey, Pipp calls it eco-friendly, whatever that means so I guess that I'm doing something right. Though she was also pissed when I used her hair dryer for parts. But that's nothing new. You should have seen how Bridlewood reacted when I tried unicycling and repairing their belongings. That was a tense time, almost ran me out of town. Though it was kind of a misunderstanding on my part, I wanted to fix up the clocktower, and well, they wanted to tear it down. Kind of turned into a bit of a standoff when I hoofcuffed myself to the hour hand." The unicorn wistfully looked at the myriad piles of trash around her. "Though I did get a good hour or two of spinning around, it was actually kind of fun. Good times, good times."

Posey sat there quietly for a moment, almost taken aback that she could have sworn there had been actual emotion and a puddle of depth for a brief moment with the purple unicorn, not just 'I sure am totally random, look at me' but something that almost felt familiar. Posey crushed that emotion, she was a new version of herself, but she was not going to feel sympathy or even kinship for Izzy, not yet at least. She had too many bad experiences with her, the myriad times she had been covered in spilled liquids, the random moments where Izzy just existed far too close to her for her own liking. She may be a new version of herself, but the past still slightly stung. Even if there might have been a glimmer of similarity between them, the two of them had ended up in completely different locations. She had faked being a competent member of society for more than a decade. Izzy was Izzy.

It didn't help that Izzy kept looking at her weird and throwing her off balance.

"Hey, Posey what was it like being a criminal?"

Posey cocked her head in confusion. Where had that come from? "What?"

"I was just asking. Cause you're really the first pony that I know that actually did something super crime-iny. I mean besides Sprout, but like Hitch said that was probably a stress thing. Or misunderstanding Hitch's words and 'keeping Maretime Bay safe' in like a bad way. But like you did a super crime. Like world ending stuff, but Sunny fixed it."

Posey grimaced. It was one thing to be judged by the entire town, or even be almost glorified by certain members in Canterlogic, but Izzy childishly explaining her crime like that was. . .almost demeaning. "I caused a race war, Izzy."

The purple unicorn shrugged. "Yeah, but that's your crime. Totally simple stuff. What I asked was 'how was it like' cause I don't have what Sunny called 'a frame of reference' about it. I know how I feel about unicycling stuff, that makes me feel good when I see how ponies react to my creations. I don't have any idea what actual crime is. Though that's kind of because Bridlewood kind of kept me out of their stuff. Not like unicorns don't do crime, I just never fit in with Bridlewood so I never saw ponies do crimes."

Posey facehoofed. She'd have to explain it in the most childish terms possible. "Crime is bad, because ponies don't like it. If I took stuff from a store, and didn't pay for it, that would be a crime." She sounded like the absolute dumbest pony aive at that moment, but she wanted to keep it simple. Posey didn't want to explain too much about premeditated crimes or even murder- she could just imagine the terrible stuff she'd be blamed for if a deceptively powerful unicorn like Izzy, or at least the most powerful one Posey knew about, learned about murder.

Izzy thought for a moment, silently letting Posey's words sink in. "Ah, I get it now. That's partially why Zipp, Pipp, and Sunny were so miffed at me using their stuff without asking. I was almost stealing their stuff. That makes a lot of sense actually. Silly me, I guess I was kind of a terrible roommate. . ."

Posey kept her eyes shut as she held onto Izzy for dear life. The unicorn had shoved all her random garbage in her motorized scooter and proffered her a helmet, 'for safety, duh' and one thing leading to another, the pair of ponies were careening through the streets of Maretime Bay far faster than any earth pony had a right to. And she was positively terrified whenever she opened her eyes even a little bit, the street zooming by, her head feeling lightheaded from the speed. She hoped that this wouldn't cause some sort of nightmare.

Maybe that's why pegasi seemed so dumb to her at first, it couldn't be healthy to have your brain speed along so quickly. It had to cut the blood flow or hurt something fierce. She chided herself as the Canterlogic methodology came flooding back, a massive list of reasons why earth ponies were better, safer, overall more competent when compared to the rest of the pony races. Of course saying that ponies going faster than a brisk jog was hazardous to their health sounded dumb, but she had a decade of brainwashing that she was trying to untangle herself from.

And yet, a niggling part of herself looked at Izzy barely cognizant of the rules of the road, living on the edge and giggling as she zipped around the mean streets of the Bay. Maybe Canterlogic was onto something about safety rules at least. The extremely dangerous race through town was terrifying, thrilling, and making her extremely motion sick.

Posey tapped furiously on Izzy's back to get the unicorn's attention and, for how scatterbrained and nonsensical the purple unicorn was, she did understand the general idea that Posey was attempting to tell her. Izzy hit the brakes and slid to a stop and turned to see the yellow pegasus run to the nearest bush and throw up her breakfast.

"Your sparkle is like extra sparkly today. Or at least there's more than one color which usually means you're in the family way. I mean I've seen sparkles since I was little and I'm almost never wrong. Or ponies think I'm wrong and it turns out I was right the whole time. That kind of stings when ponies don't believe me. Maybe it's just cause I'm bad at explaining things. Huh, I should ask Sunny about that, that sounds like something she'd love to study."

Posey blinked, the sun beating down and blinding her for a moment as her senses went back to normal. "What was that?"

Izzy shrugged and pulled out a few snacks from her bag and waved them in front of Posey's face. "You want some? I love me some pretzel sticks when I'm not feeling right." Izzy hummed and put them away again since Posey stared at her like she was nuts. That was nothing new. The purple unicorn ran a hoof through her mane nervously before she started to speak again. "Okay, so Bridlewood kind of hated my sparkle gift. Like a lot. But it's hard keeping a secret and well, when ponies get one sparkle color for their whole entire life and its unchanging, and then another color pops in alongside it, it kind of means one thing. Well, I learned what it meant more often than not. There was once or twice when a sparkle changing meant something slightly different, but that's kind of rare."

Izzy looked down at the ground for a moment. "I told a pony that her parents were expecting. Turns out they were and, well, they weren't being faithful to one another, so I kind of caused a divorce." Izzy closed her eyes and shrugged. "Lost a friend there. Lost a lot of Bridlewood acquaintances like that." Izzy breathed out, letting the past become the past again. "But then I came here, and the Bay is great. I mean Sunny's great and everyone's great."

Posey grimaced, feeling a hint of kinship forming with the nonsensical mare. Fantastic, two towns could both have outcasts, it was her own fledgling sympathy that made her see a glimmer of herself in the unicorn. She looked away, slightly blushing as she tried to corral her emotions. "So, you can just tell I am pregnant? Fucking great."

Izzy tapped a hoof on her chin and nodded. "Okay, so Sunny's been trying to explain to me what sarcasm is, and I think that was sarcastic. It sounded like it."

Posey sighed. "Yes, yes it was."

Izzy nodded, happy that she had sussed out the sarcasm. It was hard to figure out sarcasm. Though it might have been the years of isolation and loneliness that she had spent in Bridlewood, her gift isolating her into a life of creativity and solitude. "Score one for Izzy." The purple unicorn beamed. "Idea. Big idea. I mean I was going to go to the craft store for some things but now I have to add onto that a boinking present. Cause you boinked with somepony and that's super cool. I mean as long as it was like consensual, not cheaty boinking. Or illegal boinking. That's not cool."

Posey inwardly screamed as she realized that yes, Izzy Moonbow vaguely knew what sex was. And that was a horrifying idea. "Wonderful. Wonderful. Just freaking great." Maybe the unicorn tricked her or something. Izzy had almost seemed actually sad about some past events and, a moment later, seemed right as rain.

Izzy picked up the confused earth pony in her magic. "I know, right? To the craft store! For crimes against fashion and decency!"

***

Sugar Moonlight sighed as she looked through her craft store. She had had a few interesting months with the besmirching of Canterlogic, there was no longer much need for catwalk models for the yearly creations of the Cloverleafs, and so she had lost a rather lucrative job in the changing climate of unity. Not that she particularly minded, unlike some of her other fellow models, she had saved up for a rainy day, or at least saved up for the eventual final result where she was no longer truly hot- not that she wasn't hot. . .enough stallions pined after her to make that particularly false- but she'd one day need a bit of cash.

And so, she saved up her earnings, or at least enough to be rather comfortable- not too many expenses and just enough money coming in that she could run her dream store between modeling jobs and be fine if she had bad months- though with the influx of ponies from Zephyr Heights and Bridlewood, the need for a high-quality craft store was immense. Sugar Moonlight laughed and looked in her mirror, glancing over the store and its products through the reflective glass surfaces and quickly fixing her glitter makeup.

And so, she had switched from a lucrative model job with a craft store on the side during the lean months, to becoming a full-fledged, full time craftmaker. And she came to work every day and loved almost every second of it.

She loved working and coming up with new ways to scrapbook or use all the electronic media for creative ventures, but there was one thing that was a complete faux pas- and that was not looking her best at nearly every moment.

She glanced up at the sound of the tinkling bell and froze as at least one unicorn strode in and acted like she owned the place, though with how often Izzy Moonbow entered into the craft store, she did in a way. Though that was mainly because the unicorn held her own against Sugar's creative streak- the lavender earth pony was good at simple crafts- a scrapbook here, a folded book there, maybe some woodworking if she had to. Izzy was a craft goddess, able to create something out of literal trash- it was craft alchemy to the earth pony mare.

"Izzy, any new creations you want to tell me about? Or let me photograph for the store to show what a crafty pony can come up with out of scotch tape, cardboard, and glitter?" Sugar cursed to herself, she sounded desperate. " I mean if you want to."

Izzy shrugged. "Nothing new yet, I haven't really made something truly special since Zipp's Investo-Goggles." Izzy explained carefully about the hijinks of creating a completely functional pair of goggles that could see multiple spectrums of light out of scrounged materials. Zipp had had a need for a tool to help be he best, if only, pegasi detective that the unicorn knew of, and Izzy had stepped up to the task. "that was fun, though finding the right crystals to slot into the goggles was a real nightmare. . .hey so I'm going to get a few things. Can you explain to my friend here. . ." Sugar followed Izzy's pointed hoof and cringed as she saw fucking Posey Bloom in her store. "-occupied for a bit. She's not really the crafty type."

"Sure. Welcome to All That Glitters, the Bay's number one craft store. . ." Sugar Moonlight let her welcoming spiel die on her lips as she turned and looked at Posey. The lavender earth pony smiled, unable to fully commit to it as she stared at the pony she had banned from her store. "Yeah, I know you. Need help finding anything, Izzy?"

Izzy shook her head. "Nah, I know this store better than the back of my hooves. Though that's only cause I don't look at them that much. I mean color me surprised when I saw that Pipp had heart hooves, like actual hearts on the bottom of her hooves, and she said everypony had them. That's what hooves look like. I thought she was crazy until I turned my hoof over and bang, heart hoof. Completely blew my mind when I found that out. But yeah, stuffed bear, tape, string, pillows, hoofcuffs, and knitting needles. Nothing much. Think I know where most of those are anyway."

Sugar hummed as she looked at the nervous wreck that was standing in her store. Posey was shaking like a leaf, though she understood, it wasn't everyday somepony entered a store that they had been explicitly banned from. Well, unless they were an idiot and wanted to get taken to court for some shit. She had a whole ass restraining order placed on her and Posey, either willingly or not, technically broke it. Sugar waited for Izzy to glide into the back of the store, the bubbly unicorn oblivious to the sheer amount of anger radiating off the lavender earth pony.

". . .what are you doing here, Posey?"

Posey twiddled her hooves, actually unable to stare the shop owner in her pink eyes. "Izzy's going to rob you blind. Like get out before shit gets crazy."

Sugar sighed. "Izzy's harmless, Posey, unlike you who came into my craft store, bought a whole lot of random shit I put out on the shelves and made literal hate signs with it. Multiple times. Like you and your cronies in the Morality Police or whatever nonsense you came up with used my stuff to burn shit all over town."

Posey cringed as she relived a few too many memories of her taking things way too far. "I'm sorry, okay, I messed up, my bad."

Sugar rolled her eyes at that apology. "Yeah, yeah. I'd forgive you, but then you came into my store again, singing a slightly different tune, maybe you had changed your ways, maybe not. Either way you had a lot of bits and bought up my stuff again. And you know what you did with it that time?"

Posey did.

"You wrote hate filled slogans all over my stuff and paraded your lynch mob all over town calling for a race war. I'm almost glad the void of nothingness almost swallowed up the town because I was on the cusp of sending you to the hospital in a body cast. Not very friendly of me, but you know, breaking my trust multiple times actually kind of hurts. Not like you'd know how that feels."

Posey chuckled at that. Yeah, like the fashion model knew how to throw hooves. She'd probably write a strongly worded letter that Posey would have taken one look at and thrown into a fire without a second thought. "You'd have fought me or something, yeah, like that would have gone well for you." She felt confident in her strength and doubted a flimsy model such as Sugar Moonlight, the pony who was half made up of glitter with how garish her makeup looked, could touch her.

Sugar Moonlight narrowed her eyes and glared at the yellow nuisance. "Had to keep in shape for modeling, and unlike some of my peers, I actually took up a few self-defense classes. I am not a master of it, but I definitely know Crave Maga. I'm a brown belt in it. I could break every bone in a pony's body." The normally chipper earth pony glared daggers at Posey as she tapped a hoof on her counter. "I just choose not to most days."

Posey nervously looked around and hoped Izzy didn't have a death wish. Or that the unicorn wasn't a complete idiot. "Fuck. Well, that complicates a few things. Hey, Moonbow, we have a problem. Like a major one."

Izzy popped back out of the back, her magic levitating a bag filled to the brim with nonsense. Posey wasn't a craft savvy anything, so it just looked like more trash to her, or at least well-kept junk. "Like what. something bad enough so I can't go break bad and turn to a life of crime and live out on the edge of pony decency? Bummer, I was coming up with names for my gang of miscreants- I'm torn between the Imagineers and Alpacalyptica. Give me a few more seconds, I almost have all the stuff I'm stealing."

Posey nervously chuckled.

Sugar Moonlight looked between the pair of ponies and sighed as she came to the realization that something nefarious- or at least stupid, was happening. And the earth pony was one hundred and ten percent sure that it was Posey's fault yet again. "Izzy put down that bag or so help me, I'm going to call every law officer in the Bay to come arrest you."

Izzy waved a hoof, completely brushing aside the comment. She was sure the only two cops in town were friendly enough anyway. "Posey, it's just Moonie and as a fellow name haver with Moon in it, I think she's completely harmless. Like we can just take her stuff and I'll just put one of these handy dandy I.O.U. stickers on the counter and we're good. I mean Pipp explained to me how internet money works and I believe these stickers are legal tender. Or at least I can pay for all this stuff anyway, but I don't want to right now. . ."

Izzy slapped down a few stickers with "I.O.U" written on them in marker and smiled. "I call it 'Bitcoin' and since its backed by the central bank of 'I'm good for it' it is actual money.

Posey wanted to be anywhere but near Izzy, she had expected some chaos, some buffoonery even, but when Sprout explained that this was going to be pretty much a simple 'help Izzy create a statue' kind of request, she hadn't expected any of this. She'd rather be sitting in fucking jail, unable to see Sprout for the entire year. And she was kind of addicted to that stallion dick of his. But she'd rather give up that than having to explain to both Hitch and Sprout how she let Izzy do an actual crime. Or whatever nonsense this was turning out to be. It at least felt like a sick joke.

"Izzy, I like you a lot. At least more than this pile of crap right here." Sugar Moonlight glared at her headache inducing customer. "But I can't let you leave without paying actual, real life, bits for it."

Izzy rolled her eyes. "Well, duh, that's what makes this a crime, silly. Or at least that's how Posey explained it to me. I'm taking something from a store and totally not paying for it in physical bits. So it's a crime."

"Pay me actual money. Or I'm going to do things I might actually regret later cause I like you."

Izzy thought for a moment and sighed. "Okay, okay, give me a moment. I'll just pull out some bits and pay for it." Izzy wiggled her hooves behind her, grabbing nothing and turned away from the counter. "Hmm, couldn't find any. See you later."

Sugar Moonlight grabbed firmly onto Izzy's long tail. "Nope. I'm not letting you go."

Izzy tried to squirm out of the livid earth pony's grip. "Ouchie, okay. Note to self, long tails are a crime hazard. Good to know." The two ponies stared at each other for a moment. "Okay, Plan B."

Posey didn't like the sound of that. If Plan A was this terrible, what was bad enough to be Plan B?

Izzy grinned and pointed at her horn. "You may be stronger than I expected, but I'm a unicorn and there's one thing unicorns love to do." Izzy fired up her horn and quickly shook Sugar Moonlight off of her tail. "And that's seeing how far we can toss ponies." Izzy flicked the furious shop owner as fast as she could away from her, sending the pony through her front window with a deafening crash.

Posey and Izzy shared a quick horrified look.

"What the fuck, Moonbow, that's way too far."

Izzy looked down at her hooves, unable to look at the smashed out front window that Sugar Moonlight had sailed through. "I didn't mean to throw her that hard. Just a quick toss, but I haven't done that before with my magic, so I tossed. . .oh Sunny's going to be so mad at me. What do I do now?"

Posey looked at the bag of now solidly stolen items and picked it up. She would have left that shit there, but with how Izzy totally did one crime, what was another one? "Easy, run away. Run far away until this blows over."

***

Sprout looked at the carnage of the craft store and tried to calm down. He had expected some hijinks, some goofs and gaffes, maybe even a joke or two to let Posey relax from the last few weeks of him moving in and adjusting to their new reality. She had been on edge since they had the disastrous meal with his mother, totally understandable, but here he was sitting in front of Sugar Moonlight's store. He was barely holding it together. He had expected that Izzy would be functionally harmless. He mentally kicked himself. Fuck, he should have gone with his gut and decided Zipp was a safer choice. No, he had to go with the unicorn.

". . .so I was totally pissed off that Posey broke her order to stay far away from me. Sure, maybe I was a bit on edge, but having the one pony that everyone knows is bad for business in my store? I saw red. Then Izzy comes up behind me, argues with me for a few minutes about how stupid stickers are legal money and talking about the internet and tosses me out the window a minute later. Posey must have put her up to it, cause even when Izzy acts stupid, she's not like this."

Hitch paced back and forth, his honorary animal sidekicks sitting comfortably on his back. He flipped through the testimony, looking for any clues that could give him a trail to follow. "They came in together though. And going off Posey's itinerary given so nicely by my Deputy, it looks like they were getting supplies for a statue, so that's not completely out of whack. It makes sense why Izzy might need to go to a craft store, it's just all the stuff that happened after that needs some explanation."

Sprout wanted to cry because he was conflicted. He had been torn between his duty for the job, especially now that his mother had cut off most of his allowance, he had to actually give a shit about his job. He had to help split costs somehow. But he also wanted to cover for Posey because he actually did care for her, and Hitch was persistent in the stomping out of crime. He had once busted a crime ring of foals who just baked brownies and sold them for profit- they had been busted for foal labor laws.

Sprout had never heard of foal labor laws before. Canterlogic didn't have any. So whatever Hitch came up with there was primarily to fill his need for justice.

In effect, Posey was fucked. But not in the hot way.

Sugar Moonlight brushed her mane, the action causing a fine mist of glitter to sparkle and fall around her. "I didn't know that. I thought Posey had been doing Canterlogic shit, I mean Windy was helping out one week, right? Surprised Sunny would even want that piece of work near any of her friends. I mean Posey's more likely to corrupt them than do actual good." She crossed her hooves and rolled her eyes as she thought about the yellow earth pony,

Hitch nodded, letting the comment about one of his oldest friends slide to keep the witness, and the victim, open to his questioning. "Yes, well Sunny is totally doing her own thing. Now were you able to see where they went, I mean after they tossed you out of your own establishment. . ." Hitch flipped through his notebook. "one 'All That Glitters'? Nice name by the way."

"Thanks, and no. I mean I was lucky enough I didn't cut myself too badly, just some scratches and the like."

Hitch nodded. "Well, I'll get McSnipps-A-Lot and the flock of seagulls here to provide more support. And we'll spread out and get moving. I doubt that they could have gotten all that far, even with unicorn teleportation, they'll be worried and afraid because there's few things that can keep me off the case."

Sprout slowly followed Hitch towards the center of town, his legs quaking as he ran through multiple, equally terrible, ideas as to how the final chase and arrest would be. He had dealt with his mom's anger decently well. He had finally gotten to daily panics about how his life would be without the golden safety net of Canterlogic. He was worried about letting it slip that maybe, hypothetically, just as a joke that he had been railing Posey like a madstallion and hadn't mentioned that at all to Hitch.

And it would probably slip out in some way. If Posey didn't fess up during Hitch's interrogation, the hour of worry that this case had caused him would. He was not one who did that well under friendly scrutiny. Sure, in a business situation, he did wonderfully, the years of training his mom had put him through accounted for something, but he lied terribly.

And Hitch could smell a pony lying from a mile away.

***

Sunny Starscout looked at Izzy and facehoofed. Izzy had speedrun through the day's events, telling each and every awkward and painful detail of the day and waited expectantly for the sometimes alicorn to respond.

"Nope, not helping. If you can imagine it, I have a smoothie stand to run." To hammer this point home, Sunny pointed a hoof at the sign that welcomed ponies for a sweet treat. "And Hitch is going to lose his mind about a whole lot of things. Especially the whole Posey being pregnant thing. No offense."

Posey shrugged. Sunny had taken most of the day's events in stride surprisingly well. "None taken. I mean, sure Izzy says I am, and I might be since I have been off recently, but I'm not certain about it. So, can I have a peanut butter banana smoothie then? I mean if you aren't going to hide Izzy. Which makes total sense honestly. I wouldn't either."

Sunny cringed slightly at the mention of bananas, her internet notoriety as a newly minted internet meme still stung ever so slightly, even if Pipp told her to 'own her fails' whatever that truly meant. Pipp often spoke in internet lingo. She had asked Zipp about her sister's constant use of apps and her obsession with her phone, but Zipp had just shrugged and muttered about Pipp being 'terminally online'. Sunny had dropped the issue and moved on.

"Sure, as long as you are paying actual money for it." Sunny added the ingredients to the blender and half listened to Izzy as she got to work.

"Bummer, I mean Hitch is going to look for us at the Brighthouse and Posey's place, I just thought that going somewhere that he wouldn't expect would be a good idea."

Sunny rolled her eyes. "It's Hitch, he'd look here eventually. I'm not hiding you in my smoothie stand forever. It's not set up for ponies actually squatting here. It's a food truck in all but name." Sunny quickly checked the consistency of the smoothie, nodded to herself, and poured it into a nearby plastic cup and handed it to Posey, taking the yellow earth pony's proffered bits. "Anyway, you'd get lonely here. Probably bored, and you'd attempt to come back and say you need to sleep in my bed again."

Posey almost spit out her drink as she heard that.

Izzy smiled. "Well, you offered, and we had a whole lot of fun the first time. And the next few times. Though Zipp and Pipp were mad we were so loud."

"They were mad that you thought having sex in the same room as others was a great idea. They were attempting to sleep." Sunny blushed as she remembered that memory. the quick touch of untested hooves, Izzy's heady scent that she had grown accustomed to, the feel of the taller unicorn enveloping her in her warm and cuddly embrace.

"And yet you didn't change your mind and say no more romps in your bed." Izzy hummed to herself. "I mean the Brighthouse is way bigger than my place in Bridlewood and yet you kept thinking 'hey, I'll boink right here in the bedroom."

Posey looked at the two mares and groaned. "So you two are. . ."

Izzy nodded. "Yep, consensually boinking. Though it's not like you aren't doing the same. That's the thing though I'm still confused on who you had fun with. I mean it's not Hitch, he'd say it was an abuse of power, whatever that means, and there's only so many choices in Maretime Bay." Izzy rubbed her hooves together. "It's a mystery wrapped inside a conundrum made into an enchilada. A tasty mystery if you will."

"Hold it right there you two." Hitch walked carefully into view, followed by a rather nervous Sprout in tow. "We need to have a talk."

Izzy waved a hoof at Hitch. "Give me a moment, I'm trying to figure out something here and it's going to bug me until I get it done." Izzy shrugged. "Drat, right on the tip of my tongue. Any hints you can give me Posey, I mean since you were the one boinking this mystery."

Izzy glanced at both Posey and Sprout who were looking far away from each other, their body language telling her more than she needed to know in that moment, and their sparkles reacting to one another like they had the biggest, bestest secret ever that they wanted to hide from the world. And Izzy Moonbow was terrible at keeping such a juicy secret. "Oh, I get it. Sprout and Posey are doing it." Izzy facehoofed and shook her head. "Seriously how did I miss that solution. I mean they're like the same pony just slightly different, if you know what I mean. I mean Pipp calls Posey 'the female Sprout' and it fits. Ponies who are kind of prickly and have a soft interior, both did evil stuff. Probably some other things. . . I mean come on it writes itself."

Hitch stood there for a moment, completely speechless, a rarity for the stallion. He cleared his throat for a moment, to gather his thoughts and looked everypony dead in the eye as he tried to stay calm. "Everypony, we definitely need to have a talk now."

Sunny raised her hoof. "Including me? I mean I wasn't doing anything."

Hitch sighed. "Including you Sunny, accessory to crimes and all that."

Sunny groaned and flipped her open sign to closed

Izzy grinned. "Neat. Maybe he'll ask us about our very own relationship.

***

Sprout looked uncomfortably at his oldest stallion friend who was coolly sizing him up in the interrogation room, the florescent lights buzzing away as neither spoke for a minute. They had walked to the station in near silence and had left the mares outside the room just to talk stallion to stallion.

Or at least that had been the plan.

Hitch flipped through his casebook and sighed. "So, you've made the criminal I told you to watch pregnant."

Sprout tapped his hooves, thinking back on the last few weeks. Posey had been spending more time in the morning staring at the inside of a toilet bowl. He had brushed that off as just some possible nerves- he had been on edge because of the new space he actually shared with his mare. He did enjoy waking up and seeing her in the morning light, her hooves wrapped firmly around his middle like she was scared he would leave her. It was quant and nice and he didn't have servants lining up and telling him exactly what to eat every day. As Posey often said, 'every day can be pizza day, if you burn enough calories. And the pair did since they had spent the last few weeks getting to know how roommates with benefits worked. Sprout blushed heavily as he tried to make sense of the last few weeks. "Maybe? I don't know. Ask Posey about that. She'd maybe know more, or not. She hasn't gone to the hospital to check at least."

Hitch put his hooves together and sighed. "Not my job, dude. Do that on your own time. All I know is that you folded like a deck of cards when Izzy even mentioned it could be a thing. I've never even seen you cry on command before, but that sure did it. I don't know how Izzy's sparkle magic even works since she's near incomprehensible when it comes to magic. I doubt her reading a pony's sparkle even could be used as actual evidence in a crime. But either way I let you handle the Posey situation and you two. . ." Hitch looked for the exact quote Posey had used. "-and I quote, "rutted and nutted like there was no tomorrow. And Sprout is so ungodly hung that he makes stallions seem lacking in comparison.' Hitch shivered as he said that, he'd have nightmares about what that truly meant for weeks. "I'm. . .so annoyed, Sprout. Finding out that both you and Sunny have both found ponies to have sex with, and I haven't."

Sprout blinked. He didn't know how to take that information. First of all, that Hitch had shifted the conversation to a topic that came out of left field, and secondly, that Hitch Trailblazer- the pony all of Maretime Bay lusted over enough that there was a thriving black market of Hitch pinup calendars, was a virgin. "Fucking what are you talking about, Hitch." Sprout carefully looked around, ready for this to be a completely new and novel interrogation tactic from the hunky stallion. "Are you punking me?"

Hitch rested his head on the table and looked dejectedly at his buddy. The day of weirdness had taken it out of him, he long walk to the station had let his mind race and wander as Izzy had blabbed about things that he didn't need to know- not about Sprout, not about Sunny. But he learned it and it had hurt. "No."

Sprout ran a hoof through his mane in shock. "But don't you have a ton of sex? Or at least you should. The whole town wants to bone you- I thought I was gay for a time because I thought I couldn't get laid, and I bought your calendars and wanked a few out to see if I was gay or not. The test was inconclusive, but I still am jealous you have perfect abs."

Hitch cocked his head at Sprout, now fully confused at what Sprout had just said. "What?"

Sprout blushed and waved his hooves. "Nothing, forget I ever said that. Doesn't leave this room." He mentally kicked himself and hoped Posey hadn't somehow been listening on the other side of the door- she'd never let him live it down that he had been somewhat attracted to Hitch. She had been floating an idea of trying out some strap-ons or dildos to spice up their already spicy sex life. He hadn't answered, but he thought that sounded ungodly hot.

"Okay. Will do." Hitch let it slide, because he had grown slightly accustomed to the town's attraction to him. It just threw him off that Sprout, of all ponies, blurted out something like that.

Sprout breathed out. "Good, but the point still kind of stands- you could probably get half the town without trying and you normally exude confidence, I'd have expected you and Pipp to be going steady by this point. It's kind of all over the shitty gossip mags that you seem close enough to be dating." Sprout had opened a fair few of those terrible rags to see what they thought about him and his mother enough times to pick up other tidbits of gossip by osmosis.

Plus, it didn't help that Pipp Petals, nationwide musical sensation, business owner, and literal princess was often plastered all over the internet and things like that. It was a constant stream of her everyday existence that made the most banal moment of her day a headline event. It wasn't Sprout's fault that whenever Pipp breathed, the world thought it deserved to be front-page, hard-line news.

Hitch crossed his hooves. "I get nervous around her. Pipp is kind of intimidating."

Sprout nearly busted out laughing at that. The pony that was, at least, a whole head shorter than everyone else, a shade of bright pink, and had what looked like fluffy clouds for wings was intimidating to Hitch? That was ridiculous. "You're kidding. She's harmless. Well unless her phone breaks or something." He had heard that the pink mare had a rather close connection to her online existence. "Other than that, completely harmless."

Hitch shrugged. "I'm not intimidated by her. Just the princess part. I mean she's royalty and I'm just good looking. Supposedly. Because even with all this hotness, I'm the last pony out of our friend group to get laid. And that's before her albums, or her internet stardom. She's all that and I'm me. Sure, I guess I'm okay looking but she's like a radiant star in comparison."

Sprout cringed. He had expected Hitch to be down bad for Pipp, that was likely, but not to the level of 'she's a radiant star, and I'm not.' That felt super desperate. "Sure, but I kind of fell into my relationship. One moment, I was worried she'd angrily destroy me, the next I was getting a hoofjob in a pizza shop. It kind of just happened. Just ask her out. I mean she seems attracted to you. Or have I misunderstood the multiple times she's come in and waited for you to come back for patrol. Sometimes for more than a half hour It's kind of odd."

Hitch composed himself and lightly smiled. "Interesting, she often said she had just come in. I guess. . .I could work up some courage to see how she is doing. A date even." Hitch cleared his throat. "Also, I'm going to have to write you up for public indecency. Can't have my deputy break laws because he is a part of the law. Bad for the image I'm trying to cultivate for the badge. You can let Posey and Izzy in now. I have that off my chest- now back to trying to figure out exactly what happened so I can get Maretime Bay certain it was just a bad misunderstanding and not that Izzy was some secret unicorn triple agent that lulled us into a false sense of security. Can imagine the field day Canterlogic has when this news truly hits the streets."

***

"-and that's how I yeeted an earth pony out of a window. Hope I used that internet word right, it just sounded so whimsical when Pipp said it. Internet lingo is fun." Izzy beat her hooves against the table, unable to fully sit still since it was a rare occurrence that somepony interrogated her. She didn't like it all that much, sure she might use this idea for later roleplaying material with Sunny, but actually being forced to answer questions about a spur of the moment decision? Boring.

Posey nodded. "Well, I'd say it differently and with less tangential information, but yeah it was mostly an accident. Just write it up like 'this was Posey's fault' and move on or something. That isn't technically wrong."

Hitch sighed. "so you two entered the shop for, let's see, 'almost no reason' and tossed our resident glitter pony out of her craft store. Just because Sugar Moonlight herself, misunderstood a joke of yours?" He had spent the last hour trying to piece together Izzy's story and Posey's aside comments and had barely figured it out. He looked down at his notebook and saw the mass of scribbles and notes that looped in on themselves, a real tangled web for something so deceptively simple.

Izzy shook her head. "There was an actual reason, Hitch. I had to get supplies for this-" Izzy rooted through her bag and pulled out a little teddy bear with a large stuffed heart in its fluffy paws. It gazed at Hitch with a comically exaggerated angry scowl. "cause it's not every day I get chances for foal presents. Izzy fired up her magic and let the little bear flop around in a bad imitation of a dance. "Whapdadee, whapdadoo, it is I, Mr. Bear and I am good at two things, giving hugs and being angry. Look at my cute angry face."

"You did all that for a bear. . ." Hitch wondered what Sunny saw in the purple unicorn, but let that question die unsaid as he didn't need to know her private moments. "Wonderful."

Izzy rolled her eyes. "I made this bear out of stuff by unicycling it. There wasn't an exact bear like this, that'd be silly. I thought it might be nice to give something like this. I mean it's kind of the first one I've ever given a pony. Cause most ponies learn they're carrying a new passenger and all that and get mad. Sunny says I have zero subtlety. Which is weird cause I'm at least a medium in sneakiness. You'd think I'd be medium in being subtle." Izzy hummed to herself for a moment until speaking again. "Plus, Posey did help me figure out the statue I'm making."

Posey cocked her head. "I did?" Posey had nearly forgotten about the statue.

Izzy nodded, quickly snatching both Hitch's notebook and his pen. Izzy sketched the statue's general shape with a quick flourish and passed it to the pair of earth ponies. "See, my uncle Alphabittle wanted me to make a nice and simple statue to make our Bridlewood town square a little less crystal filled. Though I do love crystals. Something to show the three pony races working together. So, if I alter what happened today ever so slightly, add some wings to the statue above the unicorn statue here, add some plant-like doodads here, it looks like a statue showing off the magic of the three races, and not me tossing a pony out of a window. Genius if I say so myself."

Hitch blankly stared at the unicorn, her smug aura mocking him, and groaned. "Okay, okay, but I can't let whatever this is go. Izzy, you threw somepony out a window and destroyed property. I can't just have you walk free just because you actually did whatever you set out to do. It breaks protocol."

"Neato, jail sleepover. Can I invite Sunny? She'd love seeing what Maretime Bay prisons are like. Though, just glancing out there, you kind of are in second place. Zephyr Heights' prison had a day spa and that was wonderful. . ."

***

Posey laid down on the bed and stared at the pregnancy test in her hooves. She had decided to take one on a whim, Izzy's weird words about sparkles and her actually being pregnant had been swimming through her mind. The day's events and complete craziness had muted her worries about it- it had been near impossible to care if she was knocked up or not, but with her and Sprout now fully ensconced within their shared house, she could turn her mind to it.

She had done the test a few minutes earlier and sat their waiting for it to complete. It wasn't like she knew exactly what she was doing- she had used protection for her other sexual encounters so a situation like this had been nearly impossible. She felt uncomfortable and squirmed as her nerves kicked in, her other hoof gently touching where a baby would be if there was one.

She glanced back at the test and watched as it came back positive.

"Hey, Sprout, can you come in here, please?"

The red stallion cantered into the bedroom in slight worry since Posey's voice had quivered slightly as she spoke. "Something wrong, Pose?"

Sprout looked rather silly to Posey in that moment. He had on an apron and a few oven mitts on since he had been cooking their dinner of pizza. She hadn't asked what kind of pie they were having, and she barely cared now. She carefully waved the pregnancy test in front of his eyes. "I'm pregnant."

Sprout sat there quietly and took that in. "I mean I'm not really surprised, but are you sure? Like really sure?"

Posey narrowed her eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

The stallion backpedaled with haste as he noticed that his yellow mate bristled at his comments. "I'm just saying, that's like one test. I thought I heard stuff like that could be wrong, like a false positive. I'm not worried about you being pregnant, that'd be hypocritical what with me being part of. . .all this." He waggled a hoof over Posey's middle.

The yellow mare rolled her eyes. "If you're so worried that one test is wrong, I could do another one. Or even use non-Earth pony tests, if you think Canterlogic approved ones don't work on your family." Posey grinned.

Sprout blushed. "No, I doubt Mother would do that to a test. Though this does make my plans kind of get slightly muddled. Not that I mind that, after how Canterlogic ran my life, a challenge might be fun. . .but I've barely figured out a way to make homemade pizza. I thought I'd have way more time to plan taking over Canterlogic itself, not have a seven-month timeframe."

"It's eleven months or so for ponies, if I got a positive result, that's what, seven or eight weeks along. Where in the world did you get seven months? Going by math alone, I'd have nine more until something comes."

Sprout breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, that's better. I asked my mom how babies were made once and she said it took nine months, or thereabouts."

Posey closed her eyes and shook her head. "Seems like your mom was an idiot or lied to you. Just have to write that up on 'things we have to work on' then. Though I don't mind teaching you about it, I mean if you're unsure on how long a pregnancy lasts, that just means we have to do more fucking until you aren't clueless."

Sprout turned crimson and ran a hoof through his mane, unable to look at his marefriend for a moment as lewd thoughts hit him. He then looked at his oven mitt covered hooves and realized that he had pizzas in the oven. "Fuck." He dashed out as the smell of burned pizzas hit the pair of ponies.

Posey could hear the dumb stallion muttering to himself and the sounds of crashes and bangs as she walked into the kitchen. Turning the corner, she got a face full of his undercarriage as she watched him scurry over her counters like a madstallion, waving a rag as a billow of smoke came out of the oven.

Her fire alarm blared for a moment as the wafting smoke hit the room.

"Guess pizza is out for today, huh?"

Sprout weakly nodded. "Sorry." He waved the rag near the smoke alarm and the blaring sound stopped for a moment, He got down from the counter on shaky hooves and lay his head down. "My bad."

Posey shrugged and undid the latch for her windows and opened her room to the outside air to let the room clear slowly of smoke. She could smell the faint scent of flowers on the breeze and smiled, letting her hooves run through her cute stallion's mane for a moment. It was uncharacteristic of her to be so affectionate in that way, her love language was more often than not a one-way trip to poundtown, not light caresses and moments such as this.

She chalked it up to her mix of new hormones from the baby that was growing ever so slowly inside her.

"I felt like having dessert anyway."

"Is that a euphemism for sex?"

Posey shook her head. "Nah, I mean ice cream, though that doesn't write out sex, dummy." She kissed Sprout gently on his muzzle and snuggled beside him. "But, next time, can you please choose anypony other than Izzy for my rehabilitation? I can only handle her in small doses. Plus, I introduced her to crime- I think I'm a terrible influence on ponies."

Sprout laughed. "What makes you say that? You've only influenced me and her."

Posey pouted. "I had so much sex with you that I'm pregnant, and Izzy is in jail. I mean its zero for two."

Sprout booped Posey on the nose. "Izzy's 'having a sleepover in jail', her words. And I wouldn't change anything. So, I think it's more two-zero. So, what ice cream do you want?"

Posey smiled to herself. "Surprise me."

Author's Note

this was a fun, if odd, chapter to write. Izzy continues to be my favorite character of G5

Starfuckers Inc.

"Sprout, what the hell." Posey stared at her stallion and sighed as he had just finished explaining what wonderful weekly activity she'd do. "You're kidding, right?"

Sprout tapped his hooves together and shook his head. "I mean it's not that bad of an idea. And Hitch agreed to it, at least in spirit."

Posey grumbled and took a sip of her coffee, it was way too early to deal with this. She grimaced and took a bite of her toast and stretched out, her slight swell of her stomach hinting that yes, she was definitely knocked up. And so, while her favorite stallion was a bit of a dunce, she at least tolerated him for one good reason. "If I do this, I get one free fuck session."

Sprout blushed crimson and looked down. "I don't take bribes."

Posey rolled her eyes. Sprout totally took bribes- she had heard enough of the stallion's problems in the last few months that she knew for a fact that Sprout and Hitch had weekly meetings over 'Sprout getting bribed with food' the stallion loved snacking and Posey herself had used that to her advantage once or twice before the pair had started fucking like rabbits. Once they did, all she had to do to get Sprout's attention was to just wave her tail in front of his face and bone the stallion. Not like she minded, she was horny all the time and the only thing that worked for her urges now was his emperor sized rod of a member. "Uh huh. So I have to talk to Pipp and do this Pippcast thing. And what else?" There was always something else with Sunny's batshit friends.

"That's mostly it. Get your name out there. Anyway, I doubt she'd actually want to hang out with you anyway- not that that's a dig at you, it's just. . .the way Hitch talks about Pipp. Kind of hard to take her seriously since Hitch showed me some of her music and its just so vapid. She has a whole song about eating cake. And loving her dogs. She's pretty much completely harmless."

Posey groaned. " Fantastic, just have to act nice and use her and move on. . .use you Mom's tactics of self promotion against her? Getting my name out there and having ponies like me. Good plan- won't backfire at all, not at all. Though I might have to mention a few things about us, I mean its an interview. Ponies love gossip and fun."

Sprout's eyes narrowed as he realized the horror of what she was implying. "Oh earth no."

***

Posey walked carefully through Mane Melody's door. She had grown accustomed to being here since most of the Bay's shops still gave her the stink eye whenever she was near. This gaudy boutique of a hair salon was adequate for her needs, even if she was still uncomfortable around pegasi. She cantered up to the counter and tried to fake a smile since Rocky was currently there. "I'm here for this 'Pippcast' stuff. Whatever that means." She honestly didn't know. Maybe Pipp was an avid fishing champion or something, its not like Posey had much knowledge of pegasi culture ever since her parents got the Canterlogic treatment. Maybe pegasi were addicted to fish or something. Though she doubted Pipp Petals was an avid fishermare.

Rocky nodded. "Sure, let me just tell Jazz you are here. We kind of expected you to be late for this."

Posey rolled her eyes. "I'm rarely late to hair appointments. Sure, this is different, but I try to be punctual."

Rocky shrugged. "It's more the 'tell-all interview bit, Pipp's style of interview for the Pippcast is kind of out there and throws ponies off. She's kind of had some real interesting interview fails cause of that. Still makes content interesting, just volatile. That's what made me think you'd dip out."

Posey doubted that Pipp could compare to the awkwardness and discomfort that Sprout's mother's questions had caused her just a few weeks ago. Compared to that disaster, Pipp would probably be just fine.

***

"Hello Equestria, this is the Pippcast and I'm your royal host, Pipp Petals. Our fantastic co-host and second in command for my life, Jazz, is controlling all these switches like she always does and with me today is a special guest, Posey Bloom. Now for those you don't know the 411 about her, she's only Maretime Bay's second, and latest, troublemaker following in the hoofsteps of one Sprout Cloverleaf. I don't want to assume that earth ponies are just more prone to being evil, you know stereotypes and all, but that's some real bad luck."

Posey fidgeted as Pipp talked to nothing. Sure she knew this was being livestreamed to a whole number of sites- some that the earth pony had barely heard of, but the act of speaking out into the void and receiving feedback was kind of creepy to her. Like Pipp was talking to voices or ghosts. She fiddled with her headphone cord as the pegasus detailed Posey's life story in excruciating detail and she sat their self consciously debating if this was a good idea or not. Sprout was the one who could bullshit his way out of a paper bag- Posey had read most of his interviews due to her slightly obsessive crush on him and he could usually figure out how to turn a bad question to gold. Though she soon realized that part of that was his mother's coaching and influence. Or he was fed softball questions that even foals could answer.

Still, he learned something about optics and she had talked big when she popped this idea on him.

She was secretly worried that she could put her hoof in her mouth and trip over her words. With how complete Canterlogic's hold was in Maretime Bay, she bet Sprout's mother was listening in somewhere and taking notes. She breathed out and steadied herself, she had written out general ideas and thoughts and translating that to words couldn't be that difficult.

Pipp turned and smiled at nopony and leaned on her table with her hooves crossed, carefully eyeing up the newest pony for her interview. "So simple questions first and then we peel back to the harder questions. My fans call it the onion method. Posey, what is your favorite color?"

Posey shrugged. "Green? I think? I mean I grow flowers and-"

Pipp waved a hoof. "Neat, what's your ideal date? Or how to get your significant other in the mood."

Posey blinked. She hadn't been done answering the first question. "Probably watching a movie and then seeing where that gets me with my date." Posey blushed as a memory hit her. She had pulled out her respectable collection of sex toys that she had in her closet and showed it to Sprout who had been cautiously optimistic on what exactly the collection meant for his future prospects. "I mean I'd be open for a lot of things. . .nothing too special or crazy."

"This one's the Whore Breaker 3000." Posey pulled out a strap on that rivaled Sprout's very own impressive dick, the cool black plastic sheen glinting in the light. "But we'd work our way up to that."

Sprout carefully nodded. He was not particularly knowledgeable in the ways of sex, even after two months of doing it- he knew enough to blow Posey's mind and knock her up accidentally, but the sheltered nature of his upbringing and the few times he watched porn- and made a mess he later regretted- didn't really prepare him for Posey's menagerie of sex toys. "So uh, just a thought, but can start with something. . .much, much smaller?"

Posey hefted the large toy into its protective case and smiled. "Sure, though don't say what you're thinking right now."

Sprout blushed. "It's kind of too big. Like for anypony."

Posey rolled her eyes. "And there we go. You know, Sprout, that I measured you and your dick is bigger than this toy right? And somehow I can take it, with effort mind you, but I can make it work? So this. . ." Posey poked the case. " massive, unwieldy toy is smaller than your dick. You thinking we'd start out with this monster is just wishful thinking. And horribly dangerous and stupid. We'd have to work our way up to this one- I have way more manageable ones in the closet." Posey winked as her cute stallion breathed a sigh of relief. "Anyway, this little test was more about me saying to you that while I love milking your dick for all its worth and that won't stop cause you make some cute face when we do it, I'm just saying that in like a few months when our little bundle of joy or bundle of joys start doing stuff right in here I'd rather you not impale me with your massive hog." Posey winked. "So I got creative. The 'next best thing' of me pegging you. And you'll probably enjoy it."

Sprout blushed. "I really shouldn't have mentioned the multiple Hitch calendars I own, huh?"

Posey shrugged. "Eh not holding it against you. I don't like the stallion but he's attractive enough. I just don't want you to have blue balls for like six whole months cause I'd imagine your little endowments right here and here-" Posey carefully cradled his balls and traced a hoof over the large orbs for a moment and she could see Sprout stiffen to attention as she slowly worked him over. "these would just swell right up and while that sounds incredibly hot, I don't want to be impregnated the moment I give birth." Posey was mostly teasing her cute red stallion, but she had priorities and while one of them was 'getting railed like there was no tomorrow" she'd prefer to pace out her chances of getting knocked up. "Would be nice in theory but there's no way I spend most of the next, let's see, maybe fifteen, twenty years in some pregnant state. I don't have a pregnancy fetish that I know of. I think."

"Fine." Sprout looked away for a moment, his cheeks crimson at the intrusive thought of Posey being like that. "Though I doubt I'd like being on the receiving end." Sprout blushed harder as he rested a hoof on Posey's slightly rounded middle, the beginnings of a baby bump beginning to be noticeable on her. "But if you think it might be a fun time, I'll trust you."

Posey smiled. "Fantastic, now what should we have for dinner? And if you say pizza, I will have to rethink my attraction to you."

Sprout looked at her with a worried look on his face.

"It's a joke, Sprout, you'd have to do more than eat a pizza a day to make me rethink my life with you. Unlike your mother, I think pizza and chilling is a totally good way to spend our time together. I tried eating salad once and it was super boring. And pizza is like a vegetable magnet if you want to be technical. I'm not just a meat fanatic." Posey grinned and ran a hoof down Sprout's leg. "Though you definitely make me meat crazed. But that's just cause you're so cute."

Sprout gulped as he felt Posey slide on down. "I thought we were going to eat dinner-" He leaned back and moaned as she began to suck.

***

"Well, that was just a wonderful Pippcast. When Sprout mentioned this little plan. I thought 'interesting, kind of a good time in theory, but not an iconic-a interview. But you definitely did better than Alphabittle. I thought he'd have been better at fielding questions and running with the punches, but nope. Had to edit a lot of that Pippcast, mostly cause I didn't think a pony who knew Izzy would be so averse to questions and secondly, dealing with an international scandal popping out live on air." Pipp shook her head as she slurped up the smoothie she created during the 'Smoothie Battle' section of her Pippcast. "Though it makes sense why mother was acting so strangely during the Bridlewood Unity Welcome Party. In hindsight, knowing my mother and Alphabittle are an item is just an odd thing. Haven't even told Zipp about it cause she can't keep secrets for the life of her. She'd probably blab the news to Mom and she's worse than I am in getting bad news."

Posey had no idea what the pink princess was babbling about but she had survived Izzy's madness, so she just nodded and let the royal pain talk. "So I should probably go. I mean Sprout told me it was just this one interview and I have stuff to do." She didn't but after the hour and a half of weirdly simple, yet invasive questions said in a speedy manner followed by asinine food challenges that Jazz and Pipp seemed to come up with on the spot- the interview had devolved into a self sustaining comedy routine of failure. She could probably find a fake reason and hoof it out of there as fast as she could. "I have stuff. . .to do."

Pipp rolled her eyes and huffed. "And here I thought the interview was a whole day affair." Pipp crossed her hooves in thought and sighed. "Izzy said she had a blast with you- while I do not support any form of criminal activity due to it being on the list of potentially cancellable offenses, she enjoyed herself. Izzy was kind of your hype mare. She spent hours talking my ear off about how much fun doing crime was."

Posey gulped and imagined the hellscape of lies that Izzy told the short pink mare. "Whatever she said was greatly exaggerated. And I tried to diffuse the situation as much as possible."

Pipp nodded. "And water is wet. I know exactly how Izzy acts. I mean I've used my friends to provide easy content for ClipTrot. She's a hooffull and a half but her antics get views. Especially when she outed herself as Sneaksy, the hottest graffiti artist in Maretime Bay." Pipp shook her head. "That was only like the most viewed Pippcast episode cause of the hot goss I had about that."

Posey gulped as she waited for the other horseshoe to drop. "While I love a good story, I have a previous thing to do. Totally legitimate thing."

"I'd pay you for your time or give you an autograph or shoutout on my page. You know besides the whole self contained interview." Pipp opened her phone and scrolled through her carefully managed schedule that Jazz had meticulously set up for her. "Let's see a live, a bit of a shopping excursion to sample some of the Maretime Bay wares so this town gets some added hooftraffic but that can be pushed off a bit. I mean I shop all the time and its more a 'might be nice' thing, a performance with the Filly Four since Sugar Moonlight left and they need a hype moment. That one's a mandatory thing. And probably a few other random moments cause my Pippsqueaks love seeing me enjoy my day. But I'll get those livestream moments when I have a real good idea. Oh and we could grab a late lunch after and talk about our lives, I get that you are in the worst prison experience in Equestria- no spa in prison is a terrible rehabilitation plan- but I'm not a great jailer and we can talk mare to mare, get to know each other outside of work."

Posey raised an eyebrow as she tried to make sense of Pipp nothing schedule. "We finished the interview and aren't at Mane Melody, aren't you-"

Pipp raised a hoof and looked way up at the much taller mare. "I'm a social media influencer- I'm chronically online. It's my job. I mean how else would the royal budget be so cheap- I give free publicity to my mother's plans and Equestria gets a reality tv show through the net. Zephyr Heights gets content and Mother gets a popularity boost from my fans. Also I get free swag for my time and effort. But yeah, I'm always on the clock. It's exhausting but somepony has to take it for the team."

Posey tried to fake a smile. She could tell after the last few weeks of "Sunny's friends are weird and I tolerate them for Sprout's dick" shenanigans that something, anything, anything at all would go wrong because it just would. She had learned that being near Sunny's friends was a recipe for sheer madness and a way to ruin her day. Though one bad day could be worth it if the other six she was with Sprout and just chilling. "Fine. So lunch first or help your weird other influencer friends with their dumb thing?"

Pipp flapped her wings slowly in thought. "I could eat, but probably after the show. Oh and the Filly Four are acquaintances, not friends. Friendship is too dangerous in the influencer waters. The algorithm gives and it takes and ponies get cancelled or shadowbanished at the drop of a hat. And the Filly Four love drama."

"-but you have friends. . ."

Pipp rolled her eyes like she was saying the simplest thing. "And they aren't famous or influencers though Sunny is kind of in that "is she an influencer or not" category since she's like the only alicorn in like forever. Though with how we kind of share living accommodations and therefore are all roomies, minus Hitch for obvious stallion reasons and cause he owns his own place, like Sunny's probably my favorite roommate- minimal drama, no familial bond, not Izzy. . .Izzy's eccentric and fun but she is like the absolute worst roommate. Izzy may be Sneaksy, but her abysmal skincare routine, terrible etiquette and unicorn oddities make her the most normal famous pony I know."

Posey cocked her head. "-but wouldn't that make her the oddest one?"

Pipp shook her head. "We're famous ponies, not well adjusted ones and while I've kept my brand rather sparkly clean for the most part- no drug scandals, racism, or political hot takes. . .it doesn't mean I'm the best one either. You have to have a certain viewpoint, a drive to be famous and not everypony has that. Izzy just has being Sneaksy, not being horribly racist to ponies and zero drug issues. As far as I can tell she just started doing art cause she was bored, not wanting to be famous- hence why she's more normal than most. There's ponies that get into the influencer life so much that they become literal monsters. Figuratively at least."

***

Sprout sighed as he looked around the Maretime Bay Square and checked for any undesirable or dangerous ponies. He had a wonderful day at work- in that he didn't have much of anything planned- and then poof, Hitch walked in and ruined his day. Sure, he was counting the different patterns on the jail's ceiling but it wasn't his fault the most dangerous thing in Mareime Bay was, unfortunately, his marefriend and her rampant chaotic hotness.

"Hey, waiter, can you get me some of those complementary snacks your boss talked about?" One of the Filly Four, was it Lily? He couldn't tell the two earth ponies apart- two were rather normal and somewhat well adjusted unicorns- the newbies as the two original members called them. Maybe it was Rosedust he was unfortunately speaking to.

"I'm not a waiter, we've been over this multiple times, I'm part of your security detail for earth's sake."

"Yeah, but like I was promised complementary candy and other fun and this place is harshing my vibe. Also how can you protect us, like the new unicorns from Bridlewood are better at protection spells than you and one of them is functionally magicless. Dunno what's up with that but either way, idiot, get me candy or else me and Lily get to write a sternly worded one star review of our experience and that's totes awful. It would completely ruin the Maretime Bay experience- and this town is trashier than most."

Sprout breathed out and counted to ten as he kept some rather unflattering words from spilling out. He trotted to the rather close backstage candy buffet and grabbed a nearby plastic pail and shoveled in hooffulls of the sweet treats. He huffed as he walked carefully over to the backstage room and carefully knocked. He was rather miffed, but he was focused on making it through this terrible assignment. The blue unicorn, he thought her name was Misty, answered with a sheepish look on her face.

"Oh candy." Misty's eyes lit up for a moment and coughed. "Let me guess, Rosedust? I mean its most likely not Onyx and her poetry that made you grab candy. Think she has a nut allergy, or she's so "eco-friendly" whatever that means that she abstains.'

Sprout groaned. "Can you tell her that I'm not a waiter at least. She's not paying attention to me when I say it."

Misty groaned. "Yeah, they kind of hate me. Not my fault it just so happens that the moment their previous unicorn, Juniper Starshine, had a nasty accident and became a paraplegic pony. The sound system that fell on her was loose. Unfortunate accident. I actually feel really guilty about it. . .I mean guilty for taking her place. They actually liked her but its kind of hard having a perfect social media presence when your unicorn member is in a wheelchair. Something about being super un-mellow and ruining their day. How should I have known it would land like five hundred pounds of stuff on her spine? I mean how could they have known their setup was so dangerous?"

Sprout grimaced. He didn't have to know Misty's life story- she was nice but he expected to never see her again. Maretime Bay was a nice town but the four influencers only came cause they wanted some undefinable resource Pipp had called 'clout' cause Sunny was a newly minted alicorn. At least Misty and Onyx didn't make him want to pull out his mane whenever they talked. "Okay, well, just tell Onyx about it, they seem to listen to her. I think at least."

Misty nodded and grabbed the heavy pail of treats, huffing as she did so. "It's more that Onyx drones on and on and reaches through Rosedust and Lily's influencer mindset. She bores them to death and forces them to do stuff. It's kind of like magic. Nagging magic. Wish I had something like that." Misty looked sad for a brief moment. "But well it's fine. Hope Sunny comes it'd be nice to meet a new alicorn." Misty smiled.

"Yeah this isn't for that. It's a Unity Concert. Canterlogic sponsored. Maybe Sunny would pop up but I doubt it, she'd be more focused on doing her smoothie business and she's terrible at giving speeches. Though in hindsight, it might have just been nerves. I mean Canterlogic speech camps were more propaganda machines than anything nice, but they attempted to teach ponies to rattle off Canterlogic supported facts."

Misty cocked her head. "Odd. You'd think an alicorn would get their rightful place to rule over Equestria. . .Opaline, my. . .uh, personal manager talked up alicorns like they were all knowing gods, capable of shaping the world as they wished and able to rule with an iron hoof."

Sprout laughed. "That's ridiculous. I've seen Sunny sob over minimal things: bruised fruits, memes, running out of new questions to ask ponies in her list of questions. She's less a dictator and more a teddy bear. I should know. I was a former dictator." He cringed as that slipped out. "Reformed. Totally not doing dictator stuff now. My marefriend would murder me."

***

Posey sighed as she looked around the Square and grimaced as she saw throngs of ponies ready to glimpse these four idiots. Pipp had talked her ear off on the way here, telling her, through no fault of her own, the Filly Four's backstories. All of them. Really the group should be called "whatever ponies answered the call of fame" because at last count there had been three main members and a rotating cast of seven others holding the fourth spot until some horrible issue arose. Pipp called it a content farm, or something similar. Posey wasn't hip with the terms of the internet if it didn't involve porn. She had taken her morality police job very seriously- enough that once she wasn't doing it for the 'good' of the Bay, she was ironically now the most immoral pony in town. Sprout said it was her reaction to her new normal.

Posey shrugged and let the whispers she could hear from more adult members in the crowd and let it fuel her. They had grown to see her as a force of chaos- mentions of her escapade with Izzy were noticeable as she passed by and rumors spread by Mrs. Cloverleaf mixed into a mess of gossip that Posey let slide by. Oh she was positively livid with some of the false words they said and she'd work out that anger in her own way, but it wasn't the time or place to cause a scene.

She was trying to have a low profile.

"Hey, Pippsqueaks, its your Princess Pipp Petals here at the Maretime Bay Square providing you all with a fair view of the Four Fillies song and dance routine, I'm here with my newest interviewee, Posey Bloom. . ." Pipp waved her ungodly phone in front of Posey's face to show off that, yes, she wasn't lying about it. "And you'll get to learn all about Maretime Bay's second favorite criminal mastermind and her wants, needs, and dreams in the newest Pippcast on your favorite podcast provider. Pipp minutes finito. See ya." Pipp blew a kiss at her phone and shut off the stream.

Posey now had a decidedly not low profile. She could see ponies in the corner of her peripheral vision whispering yet again about this new hot gossip and she hated it. "Pipp, what the. . .flip are you doing?" Posey rather wanted to punctuate her annoyance with some slightly harsh words, but she steadied herself. "Warn me next time. I could have been doing something inappropriate or something."

Pipp shrugged. "It was time for the scheduled update. Made it a thing a few weeks back. While I like some sense of privacy, the whole 'getting stuck in a cave with Zipp for hours' was an eye opening experience. And a good character building moment. I mean Zipp and I worked out a lot of our issues with Royal Picture Day and our bond as sisters and Zipp learned that my Pippsqueaks are the best army ever. Seriously I thought we'd die down there- so mandatory safety checks are kind of a good idea. Though I haven't worked out the logistics of internet updates in the Equestrian wilderness. Very little wifi in those places. My data plan already hates me, I wouldn't want to livestream in the middle of nowhere. Bad quality and cell data? Terrible mix."

Posey rolled her eyes. "Right, well let's chill with the updates. I mean its a concert what's the worst that could happen?"

Pipp shivered. "A lot of things. Dehydration, crowd crushes, murder, drugs, sex. Not to mention accidental food poisoning."

Posey facehoofed. "Okay there could be bad things, but sex? Really sex is in a list with. . .all of that? Sex is like the least worrisome thing ever there."

Pipp frowned. "Mother told me the birds and the bees talk and it was the most horrifying thing ever." Pipp shivered as she thought back to that very traumatic memory. "Honestly, I play up my knowledgeable sex guru self on the Pippcast cause there's some ponies that want to get their issues answered, but everytime I do it, it makes me almost sick to my stomach."

"Yeah, the sex talk would be traumatic. I guess. It's not like I have any idea what that's like. The whole 'being an orphan thing thanks to Canterlogic' kind of made me learn what sex was thanks to Playmare and other things like it. Still how bad could it be?" Posey grumbled, the words coming out way too harshly as she said it. Fuck, she meant it to come out nicer, but the jostling fans and the eyes all on her completely threw her off. "I mean-"

Pipp blinked. "Oh yeah, sorry about that. Sorry, should have toned that down a bit since Jazz totes gave me all your info- sorry about your parents." Pipp cleared her throat and looked at nothing in particular as she recounted the harrowing tale. "Uh, well, Mother told me about the birds and the bees and how when they get together and get in the mood, the bees swarm the birds and sting them all over and then a massive ghost stork comes out of the bird corpses and that's how babies are made. But then she said that was a metaphor and actually replace birds and bees with mares and stallions and then I got the hint, threw up in disgust and ran out of the room in shock. I was eight. It kind of put me off of. . .sex" Pipp whispered that word in hushed tones- "for like forever."

Posey stared at Pipp like the posh pink mare had grown a second head. "That's not how any of that works. Like at all. I can't believe I'm saying this but please ask Sunny what sex is. Sure she'd probably provide you weird sex questionnaires if Sprout's words are to be believed, but she'd quickly stop you from thinking sex causes you to reenact a horror movie."

Pipp shivered. "A bad horror movie cause I love horror movies. It's kind of my thing." Pipp breathed a massive sigh of relief. "Good. There's a certain somepony I might have-"

Posey rolled her eyes. "I'm fairly certain it's Hitch." Posey noticed Pipp's horrified face shift through the five stages of grief in her peripheral vision. "No, I'm not attracted to the idiot, Pipp, I see your mind working. It's just that Hitch is kind of Maretime Bay's first or second hottest stallion depending on who you ask." Posey was lying, to most ponies Hitch was the only choice, but her number one was Sprout and would always be Sprout, for slowly growing pregnancy reasons and just that he wasn't Sheriff Goody Horseshoes and his paranoid attempts to patrol the town. And secondly, she had seen a fair bit of porn and Sprout was the biggest stallion she knew and she doubted there was somepony bigger, so she put him on top of the "hottest stallion" list for sure. Plus, he didn't make her want to tear her man out when he was speaking- so she could stand being near him. Unlike Hitch who she found sanctimonious and obnoxious. Though with how the town spoke of Hitch and his raw animal magnetism she shivered.

Posey blinked and grimaced at the thought that crossed her mind. Did her self appointed morality police role keep Hitch's charisma and natural magnetism a non issue? She pushed that sickening idea of a world where she thought Hitch was choice number one of bone-able stallions into the deep dark recesses of her mind and looked back at Pipp. "Just a word of advice, Hitch is super oblivious, like massively stupidly oblivious. If you want to get with Hitch, I say come on strong. Strong enough that he can't misconstrue what you want from him."

Pipp nodded. "Okay. I'll. . .think on that. Take your advice."

Posey felt a slight rush as she wondered if she created a future problem. Or a sex starved monster if Pipp jumped headlong into breaking her virginal curse. "Wonderful. You do that." Posey tried to put as much sarcasm as she could muster into her words but the pink pegasus looked lost in her own world.

Posey didn't have time to fix the issue as the Filly Four took the stage and a rush of cacophonous screaming hit her ears.

***

Rosedust smiled as she heard the cries of her adoring and sometimes horny fans. There were perks in being a Filly Four member that her and Lily knew well- free fucking in each and every new town that the tour stopped at- all they needed was protection and some fat NDAs to get their rocks off. She focused on that happy ending she knew was possible after this disaster of a concert. She knew it in her bones that something would go wrong- what with Juniper getting nearly crushed to death by that freak accident and Sugar Moonlight retiring out of what did she call it 'a depressive funk' the vibe had shifted. The Filly Four were now two original members and two unicorns with a magicless idiot and a poet.

Rosedust knew unicorns were freaks but it really harshed her vibe. And it wasn't fun to get a vibe check in the midst of a tour. "Hey, Fourevers, you are the totes best fans." Rosedust hated her fake persona but it sold merch and made her likeable. "Let's hear it for Maretime Bay, the best town ever. Definitely top three best towns in Equestria at least." Rosedust knew of only three main towns in the country and middling stops outside of that so she wasn't technically wrong. "Let's hear it for our newest members, Misty Brightdawn and Onyx. They are commendable unicorns that bring up the unicorn race. Love those two."

Misty nervously waved as she tried to keep her anxiety from getting the best of her. "Thank-"

"And on to the show. Hit it, bitches. This is our new song, "Unity Rocks Cause of Magical Cocks"

***

Posey stared at Pipp for a moment once the music actually hit her. The cacophony that some called music would have completely ruined her day if it had been her old self listening to the raunchy lyrics that threw all double entendres out the window and trampled on them. She cupped her hooves and yelled at the pink princess next to her to be heard over the music. "When you said they weren't like you, I wasn't expecting that they'd sing about getting railed."

"~Why even try to flirt, flirt, flirt, let my pussy do the squirt, we can lounge around. . .and fuck.~"

Pipp rolled her eyes and typed a few lines on her phone and passed it to Posey. "When I said celebrities had to be off in some way, I meant it. Partially why I'm only really acquaintances with these mares. They bring controversy wherever they go. Out brands clash, me the normal safe popstar, them the ponies that live in the headlines for stuff like this. And rom the rumors, they do nothing good. Fame obsessed and completely focused on self satisfaction. Unlike me. I actually seem to care for my adoring fans.

Posey sighed as she watched the two earth ponies do a whole stripper pole routine which was rather impressive while the two unicorns uncomfortably swayed and didn't even sing. "They aren't even singing. I thought this was a concert, why is nopony actually singing? If I wanted to get shit like this I'd just lounge around with. . .my stallionfriend. . .and do anything else- or listen to their CD. Maybe have fun, but at least I'd not being going deaf."

"~I'm working the pole as you worship me, taking your nuts like their prescribed for me. Have two of them, call it ecstasy.~"

Pipp rolled her eyes and crossed her hooves. Posey couldn't hear her over the blaring sounds of what some ponies called music, but she read lips well enough. "Autotune and lip synching. They just have to fake singing and nopony cares. Like for real, I spend all this time actually trying to do. . .stuff with my performances and they get to record it and play it. It's hard to keep my voice in tip top shape and it takes work to do. . .whatever. Plus they are like totally fake. I can tell, it's hard to keep up a persona every moment of the day. Lily and Rosedust slipped a few times on tour." Posey cringed as she realized she must have touched a ridiculously sensitive subject with the normally annoying and bubbly mare to get snippy with her comments.

"Uh, okay. I was just complaining about the noise. That's all."

Pipp breathed out and Posey noticed a slight twitch in the corner of Pipp's eye as she turned toward the yellow mare. "I'm fine. Nothing that major. Not like they are destroying me on ClipTrot whenever they post. I'm not getting ratio'd. Not at all. You want to go backstage after this? This. . .performance is like their encore."

***

"Fuck yeah, that was a good show. Like did you see our fans cream themselves when we did the pole dancing? Sure it wasn't to the heights of when everypony got to do a slutty move but what can you do? Unicorns can't dance." Lily flipped her mane as she finished speaking to get her point across.

Onyx sighed and rolled her eyes as the glitter pony and shared a quick look with Misty. "I'd probably do anything else. I'd at least have my dignity. I'm going to have to send a harshly worded poetry slam to Alphabittle because he thought that getting the Bridlewood name out there was a good idea. It is, but not like this. Stupid Canterlogic sending him a note."

Rosedust pulled down her shades to glare at the unicorn poet. "Let me write a few bars of your response to him. Dear me, I'm such a bore. I'd rather be stuck up than a good little whore."

Onyx smiled ever so slightly. "As long as you said it, I don't have to."

Rosedust sat there confused for a moment as she wondered what the unicorn meant. Then the backhoofed dig hit her and her cheeks reddened. "You led me into that."

Lily crossed her hooves. "Shut it girls and Misty stop eating the candy it'll go straight to you figure and you will become the fat one, not just the dumb member."

Misty closed her mouth and pushed the plate of candy away in haste. "Sorry, I mean I love candy. It's kind of the best. I mean sugar makes everything taste amazing. Why don't you put it in all your food?"

Lily stared up to the heavens and prayed to the great mare group manager in the sky that the tour would end swift and without unicorn related issues. The Filly Four was supposed to have one nice mission off stage- being in agreement. Not have a member holier than all get out and a pony with a bag of rocks as a brain. For once she missed Sugar Moonlight and she was a sanctimonious cunt who thought fucking fans was immoral. At least she was fun to tease. This was unbearable. "Fine, eat it. It's your funeral. Rosie let's work off some steam."

Rosedust ran a hair through her mane and a small trail of glitter fell out. "Finally, after singing about boning on stage we can go and hunt for dick. Though I didn't see any VIP ticketholders for the "special package deal" we put on our site when we got off stage. Bummer, I love doing the fan meet and greets. Especially the afterparty fun."

Lily shrugged and stared at the one useless stallion that had spent the last few hours whining about how he was an actual deputy. "I know that but that's when we get to improvise. . .I have a wonderful idea."

Sprout carefully looked around the room that Lily and Rosedust had pointed him to, the two earth pony mares following along oddly close to him as he carefully covered each and every possible hiding spot for a stalker. He had spent the last five minutes casing the backstage area and unless the stalker was either a pegasus in the stage rafters or a unicorn who was using some invisibility spell, there was nopony around who looked suspicious. "Well that's odd, you two seemed really-"

Sprout didn't finish his sentence as he felt a large thwack upside his head and he dropped like a bag of rocks onto the floor.

"Fuck, this dude is a complete moron." Lily wiped her brow and tossed the bat that she had stashed in the backstage for a situation like this and smiled. "Come on who falls for the whole 'stalker' angle anyway? Like seriously our stalkers are like my favorite fans- crazy, addicted to us, and often know legal language well enough that NDAs seem reasonable. Rosedust pick his hooves up, we're going to have some fun with this deputy."

***

"That took forever to get here." Posey sighed as she slammed the backstage door shut and looked at Pipp. "Seriously you said it would just take a minute. Not ten."

Pipp slipped out of a a pink hoodie with her face on it. "I know, but I can't just disappoint my fans, especially with how nice it was for that stallion to just give me a hoodie. I mean look at it, its like an antique hoodie. You can't find this stuff anymore cause it was like only the hottest item in my merch store." Pipp held up the pink hoodie and aggressively waved it in Posey's face. A grinning Pipp stared back with writing stating that it was commemorating 'My Sweet Sixteen' and Posey grimaced at the thought.

"Tell me what the age of consent is in Zephyr Heights."

"Sixteen. Though I don't see what that has to do with anything. . ." Pipp slowly understood what Posey was implying and she stared down at the hoodie with a new sense of dread. "Oh that's partly why. Fantastic. Now it makes sense why Mother made the weird idea of all my VIP fans getting background checks. Oh, uh, right, Filly Four. This way." Pipp tossed the hoodie reflexively in the trash the moment she found an empty one and shook her head. "Let's get past this before I get sick."

Posey heard a slight commotion as she opened what she assumed was the talent section of the hastily made backstage area. She looked at Pipp who rolled her eyes, mentally composed herself, and hastily walked into the room.

"Hey everypony, it's me Pipp Petals and how's my two favorite Filly Four members, who wants a selfie?" Pipp spun around and struck a pose and waited for the two blue unicorns to acknowledge her existence. That could take awhile due to the rather heated discussion going on but she really wanted to provide her socials with content. Not cause she's a completely vapid idiot, it was her calling in life- well besides her Mother saying that Zipp was disinterested in procuring her a grandfoal which icked Pipp out. Pipp breathed out and centered herself, it was influencer o' clock, not existential crisis time. "You can take a moment girls, I'll just be here. Waiting for the collab Jazz told me to get."

Misty waved at the new arrivals and turned back to Onyx who was currently pacing around the small room, ranting about how bad the tour was going. All in all, a normal after performance thing that happened. Misty dug around the candy bowl and sighed as she found it horribly empty. Cursing her sugar addiction and how Opaline had not prepared her for how yummy everything tasted in the totally evil lands of Equestria. "So your point is?"

"-I'm telling you, Lily and Rosedust are fucking insane." Onyx took off her beret and grimaced at the glitter that had accrued on it, it was a Bridlewood original piece and glitter wasn't always eco-friendly. A part of her wondered how the stuff was so shiny and her unicorn brain immediately thought glitter had to be ground up crystals. "We need to do something."

"Oh, they are really bad, but are they like a five on badness or a ten on badness? Just a question cause while I'm totally agreeing with you. . .I've seen way worse ponies. Or at least ones that relish in being an evil supervillain so like Lily's totally has what this social media site you showed me would term a 'dubious idea of consent' and Rosedust is how did you put it? 'A horrible rapist', but like they seem okay. At times. I mean they are decent friends."

Onyx facehoofed. "Misty, I like you but you need to get out more. They hate you, they hate me, they kind of hate everypony and it's totally uncool. Honestly after this you need a vacation, a real dose of reality in your frizzy mane cause Bridlewood would love you- a foreign unicorn who knows the world outside Equestrian borders and has no magic? Get away from your manager, she's doing you no favors signing you up with these assholes." Onyx breathed out and looked highly concerned as she tried to compose herself. "Seriously, I've looked everywhere and the red deputy is just poofed out of existence. Which with how the last four stops went means like one thing."

Posey, who had sat there silently grinning as this goofy farce had built to a stupid climax, stopped grinning and she felt a pool of rage well up in her gut. "What did you say?" She menacingly took a few steps towards the taller, more reasonable unicorn. "Where is Sprout?'

Pipp perked up at that. A rather interesting anger point. But that wasn't the main thing that caught her attention. It was that Posey's eyes were furiously glowing green as she stared daggers into Onyx's face. "Okay that's freaky. But can you take a slight breather and take your totally scary look down like five notches? Maybe stop doing Flora Magic cause while neat, I think its really unwarranted. We're all friends here."

Posey turned her head at Pipp and grunted as she punched her hoof through the wall. "No. Now where is my coltfriend."

Pipp nodded, saying nothing as she finally connected the dots. "Oh. Okay. Duly noted." She hated providing her fans with retractions or addendums for her podcasts, but the juicy fact that Posey and Sprout Cloverleaf were dating was just such a breaking detail. Sure, Pipp didn't find him that attractive since she'd actually met him before once or twice, but everypony found somepony she guessed. The juicy gossip of Posey of all ponies getting with Maretime Bay's richest bachelor, it was just so good. "I'll table our secondary interview for, uh, later then. After we save him. Which is where, Onyx?"

Onyx shrugged. "Dunno. Though the two of them are loud. Rosedust and Lily, I mean. Probably somewhere sort of remote, though they are super lazy so I doubt their that far off."

***

"-Lily, you fucking said it was going to be easy to get our rocks off. I knew I should have grabbed the poppers." Rosedust uncomfortably rammed herself on the monolithic cock that was attached to Sprout and winced as nothing happened. "Fuck it's just too big."

"-yeah well shut up, Rosedust. How should I have known this shortstack shlub is rocking a 'Marebreakers From Planet Horny' level rod. Like that's a fetish tape, not supposed to be reality. I thought he was rocking an average dick. I know my shit. It's hoofsize times body mass. He should be rocking a dick half that size at most or even smaller. I'm never wrong. I mean come on, I wear my knowledge proudly and the pile of NDAs we have proves I could be an honorary train station with all the stallions I fucked. Choo choo, motherfucker. Five hundred and counting."

Sprout woke up in a blaze of pain as he tried to figure out what happened. He wasn't usually one to fall for the good old getting jumped technique- years of ingrained paranoia and his mother instilling him with a distrust of ponies treated him well enough- well it also made him yet again retreat into himself and hold most ponies at a hoof's distance. Well that and the massive dick that made him increasingly self conscious since he made porn stars and gag gifts look reasonable- he felt a weight on his chest and mumbled through a rag that tasted terrible, he hoped it was a rag and not a bit of used panties, and he retched as his gag reflex kicked in.

The two earth ponies looked at him and rolled their eyes. The pink earth pony, Lily, stared at Sprout. He was lucky he actually remembered the mare's name since he could feel his throbbing head and with how terrible the two mares had been to him for the last few hours, it was impressive. He was oddly calm. Though maybe the Kidnapping 101 drills his mother started with him when he was seven actually paid off- well, besides the massive trauma every time he tried to fall asleep. This was almost a normal Friday to him.

"Looks like Prince Charming woke up. Fun, I always like a challenge. Now since we've hit a massive snag with your dick, namely the square peg, round hole issue of size right here." Lily patted his rock hard dick and smiled. "We have a major conundrum. Though since its come out to play it must mean it likes the attention. I mean look at it, is this a sad dick? I say no. And like I've seen my share of dicks and whenever we get to this part, they always rise to the occasion." Lily shrugged

If Sprout could do anything more than mumble, he'd refute that completely. He definitely wasn't into this at all.

Rosedust sighed, rolled off his dick for a moment, rubbed her bruised pussy, and cradled Sprout's balls as she stared up to his black pillar of excellence. "I fucking hate Plan B. Plan A works like ninety nine percent of the time and everypony loves it. The good old condom and bust inside fun. Well most love it and the rest shut the fuck up about it afterwards once we pull out the lawyer card. Plan B's just so boring. I mean what's the fun of a sad hoofjob? It's pathetic. But if I can't fit that slab of meat in me then neither can Lily, bummer cause this would be a fuck to remember. Like I'd compare all future fucks to this moment, but no, I have to do this." She ran her hooves over Sprout's dick, lovingly touching every inch with a skill that was just so terrible.

Sprout groaned as she marehandled his junk in the least sexy and worst way he knew. It actually hurt as she squeezed it too hard and clumsily worked her way up and down.

He sat there silently, looking up to the ceiling and wishing that he could sit there and blink out of existence. It was the worst hoofjob he'd ever had. And he had a small reference pool of hoofjobs- Posey's skills, and unfortunately his own clumsy efforts as a hormonal, horny colt. This nightmare.

And this was the worst and it wasn't just because he knew this was assault and attempted rape. No, it was also that they just sucked at sex- or Posey was just such a sex obsessed mare that actual rapists were pathetic. At least Posey seemed to care for him in her own obsessive, sometimes messed up way and cared about if she was doing things right. She spent time asking him if he was doing okay or if he was liking what she was doing. If he said no, she would stop and do something different or just hold him and cuddle. She was crazy sometimes, but she knew boundaries. Seeing him as more than a piece of meat- with his own thoughts and fears, listening to him when he had a silly question, and actually protecting him. He felt wanted and comfortable with his dick when he was with Posey.

These assholes were just eyeing him up like a piece of meat and nothing more. Here he felt like a sideshow freak getting ogled by perverts. He didn't like the idea and if he wasn't tied up like a prize hog, he'd give them a piece of his mind.

He sure wished Posey was here.

"Come on, Dusty, you have hooves of velvet, why isn't he blowing his load in a world record bukkake? Like-"

Lily's voice cut off abruptly as two yellow hooves punched through the closet door and wrapped around her throat. Rosedust looked horrified as her partner in crime was lifted, with one powerful hoof, off her hooves and a gasping, retching gurgling noise was all that was heard for about thirty seconds as everyone stood still. Lily's face turning crimson as she gasped for air and tried to kick the door. The pink earth pony tried to kick the door to get her unknown assailant's hooves free but it was pointless.

Posey's voice came through loud and clear through the door, a hint of menace showing that the mare meant business. "Shut the fuck up and get off my boyfriend or I stop being nice."

"Who the fuck are you, you cunt? You know who we are? We're the important members of the Filly Four, we're celebrity influencers, we're earthdamned untouchable, like we can buy the best lawyers ever. Plus he fucking wanted it, like come on we're like hot and he's a stallion, they think with their cocks and they don't lie. We've done this shit so often, its laughable." Rosedust stopped giving Sprout the incredibly pathetic hoofjob and babbled to herself, ranting ever increasingly crazy sentences as she tried to square reality- she was stuck in a closet with her latest victim. Lily was a foot and a half off the ground, and Rosedust was completely screwed.

Posey slowly breathed out and pulled Lily through the door, the hard wood shattering with the force and weight it was subjected to. Posey dropped the pink earth pony like a sack of potatoes and glared at her, the low light of the closet highlighting Posey's neon green glowing eyes. "I don't give a flying fuck about your stupid celebrity bullshit and, if you can't tell, I don't find any of this shit funny."

Rosedust opened her mouth, ready to retort, pointing at the unknown nutty yellow mare. A loud crack hit her ears and she watched her leg bend backwards as Posey touched the mare with her full strength. Rosedust whinnied in fear as she scrambled back on her three remaining good hooves, her body reflexively recoiling in self-preservation, stumbling over Sprout and sprawling in a heap as she screamed expletives in the furthest corner of the closet.

"I don't know if I want to break all the bones in your body or just your legs for touching Sprout." Posey crept into the closet like a predator and filled most of the broken doorway with her size as she stood on her hind legs, completely cutting off Rosedust's escape.

Sprout groaned as he tried to break the hastily made restraints on his hooves. He hadn't seen Posey this livid before, well the time with his mother was close, but his mother had that affect on most ponies- this was a nearly feral Posey focused on one thing and one thing only. And she wasn't going to listen to reason from any old pony. While he was actually finding this incredibly hot, he knew he had to do something. He breathed out and connected to his magic for a brief moment- for once glad that Posey loved rutting with him. He had become used to the feel of his magic, a cool focused center in the midst of chaos and he flexed his hooves, snapping the cords around his legs with a firm and cool snap.

"Two." Posey gripped another of Rosedust's legs and twisted. A crunch could be heard echoing through the claustrophobic closet. Rosedust just sat there whimpering in pain as she saw her life flash before her eyes. "I'll give you a few seconds and I'll keep going."

Sprout grabbed all of his magic he could and mentally pushed outward. He had no idea what could happen, but he hoped it was something good, he had tried to use Flora Magic beyond just increasing his muscle tone before- he was an Earth Pony and he hoped he was at least able to grow something with plants. He had heard Sunny babble on and on about the limits and advantages of Flora Magic for forever. It was this huge massive thing to the newly minted alicorn and he was one of her few early friends that would tolerate her more silly notions- Changelings, Kirin, Dragon-Horses or however that weird nonsense word was, he heard it all and he hoped he had even a spark of that kind of magic. He tuned most of Sunny's inane "magic is the best" speeches but now was the time and place to see if Sunny wasn't just speaking out her ass about her family's weird journal.

He was supposed to be related to the Apple Family, if his own mother's history crap was to be believed. While he hadn't pulled off growing plants ever, he knew he had to try. He tapped the ground with his intent and the world went green.

***

Hitch facehoofed as he tried to decipher Pipp's worried explanation of what had happened. He had been trying to figure out the worried calls from the Square and he had expected some horrific crowd scenario- a riot or something since he had listened to the music of the Filly Four when he had this 'Unity Concert' hit his desk. He had hated every song of the four original mares since he had to subject himself to every album and while it was a writing exercise in 'how many ways can sex be described' it wasn't music to him. Though he was one for good subtext and even a good sexual ribbing from time to time. He had watched Spooky Cliff's Picture Show and that musical was rather raunchy.

"So you're saying Sprout of all ponies caused that-" Hitch pointed back at the massive grapevine that had sprouted out of nowhere and covered the stage in a choking mass of tendrils and grapes the size of an adult pony's hoof. "I doubt that."

Pipp thought for a moment. "What if I hypothetically recorded all of the last thirty minutes."

Hitch cocked his head at that. "First of all, why would you and secondly, as an officer of the law, that sounds morally objectionable- possibly illegal."

Pipp puffed up her wings at that statement. "I tend to not do illegal stuff, Hitch, that hurts my appeal. Also I read up on filming laws just so I can do stuff legally. I wouldn't want to have the hottest video in Equestria and deal with the headache of a lawsuit. Maretime Bay's a one-party consent town. Which means that if I, as the video pony consented to the filming, which of course I did, I filmed it, then I can safely record all the juicy stuff I want. And while the video makes our scary friend here-" Pipp patted the vine and from the other side of it, Posey's muffled complaints and rage could be heard. "probably on the hook for some real introspection and probably a slight increase in her community service, it also has these two sorry excuses for influencers confidently rage about their own crimes." Pipp pointed a hoof at Rosedust and Lily who were rocking back and forth and raving about how horribly sorry they were.

"Was Posey intimidating them?" Hitch rolled his eyes, he could guess that rhetorical question. "Actually don't answer that."

Pipp shrugged. "So do you want me to dewdrop this critical evidence to you or not? I mean it isn't the best camera quality. A bit too shaky for my tastes but trying to keep up with Posey was rather hard to do, she's faster than me, and then everything went crazy. Bad angles once the finale hits and all that but I was hiding behind a wall and keeping myself as small as possible. Even have blow by blow commentary. She tapped the video and Pipp's voice rang out. "-oh I can't edit that out cleanly or release this on a site, the sound alone would get me banned. A leg doesn't bend that way and what's that-" Pipp's voice hitched in the recording. Pipp tapped the video and sighed. "Sorry, I might have gotten rather sick there and after that point I got a face full of grapevine. While I can understand Zipp's love of alcohol, I think I'm not drinking wine for my 21st. Kind of hard to think it would taste good after almost getting choked out by it."

Hitch held up a hoof. "I don't need to hear all that, Pipp, just send me the file and that's good enough. Have you seen Sprout and Posey? I need to talk to them and get their explanation of events."

Pipp pointed to the tangle of grapevines. "I got out cause I could fly. They're most likely back in there."

***

Posey stared down at Sprout and grimaced. It was all she could do since she was currently tied up by vines that covered her whole body from her hooves to her neck. She loved the idea of getting tied up but this was a bit much even for her. She could move her head enough to look up and down and partially side to side, but she had been stuck here for the last half an hour and she was kind of getting bored. "You can let me go now, Sprout."

Sprout sat on the vine's large root, his head back and looking up through the new hole in the stage's roof, beams of light giving the only hint that there was a world outside of this tangle of new growth. He had been silent for the last half an hour, giving Posey both a worried feeling and making herself the only conversational partner.

She hated that- she was a terrible pony to have a conversation with.

"Sprout, talk to me or, so help me, I'll find a way to untangle myself." Posey was talking big since she had been trying to extricate herself this whole time and she was truly stuck- her hooves weren't on the ground and these plants, for once, weren't following her commands. "I've worked out my anger and I'm good now. But how are you cause while this is probably the coolest thing I've ever seen with Sunny's stupidly renamed Flora Magic, I kind of like it when you talk to me. Kind of hard to know what is in your head otherwise."

Sprout turned and tapped a hoof on the vines that trapped Posey and his marefriend dropped to the floor. He sat down on the ground and leaned against the vine. "You were totally going to kill both of them weren't you?"

Posey breathed comfortably for the first time in the last half hour and stretched her hooves, trying to get blood flow back into her joints. "I wasn't thinking straight, I'll own up to that. Kind of went into a protective rage there, but wouldn't you? I mean you almost got. . ." Posey let that sentence die out, afraid to finish it. "I mean I was worried."

Sprout ran a hoof through his mane and patted the ground. Posey crawled towards him and smooshed herself next to him, the cramped space of the former closet, now filled with plant life was a rather uncomfortable fit, but she managed. "I would be worried too, maybe I'd do something similar. But I'm going to need a moment to process all of this. . ." Sprout's head slumped into Posey's shoulder and he sat there for a while. "For once I'm glad my dick's stupidly huge."

Posey blinked. "What?"

"Rosedust tried and tried but she couldn't. . ." Sprout trailed off and wiped his eyes as he tried to speak. "She just couldn't make it work. I just sat there tied up as she just-"

Posey uncomfortably shifted to look at Sprout, who stared back, his green eyes misty with tears and she hugged him tightly. She wasn't one for emotional moments- being more used to bottling up her rage and sadness until it boiled over in a fantastic expletive filled rant about miniscule things, but she knew she had to do something. "Sprout, listen to me. It wasn't your fault, you didn't know. And you did as much as you could."

"But I didn't have to follow them or go. . .here." He stumbled over his words as he leaned into Posey's body, the reality of the situation hitting him fully. "Fuck. I shouldn't have listened, I shouldn't."

Posey felt her heart break as she cradled Sprout and let him cry. "Who's my favorite deputy?"

"I don't know what's that supposed to mean, I'm the only deputy in Maretime Bay." Sprout sniffled.

Posey rolled her eyes. "And would my favorite deputy run away from danger?" Posey quickly decided that yes, Sprout might actually run away from some dangerous situations so she revised it. "I mean would he decide not to help ponies just because they seem sketchy and odd?"

Sprout wiped his eyes. "I mean Hitch wouldn't let me hear the end of it if I did. I mean he still jokes about me running away from Izzy when she first entered town. But I probably would help ponies. It's kind of my job even if I think mom totally forced Hitch to hire me."

"Focus, Sprout, not the time. I'm saying that you did good. Sure it went wrong, horribly wrong, but your heart was in the right place. And if you need to talk about this or just need a quiet moment, I'll be here. Always. Though if you tell anypony about that, I'm going to put you into a world of discomfort. I have an image as the town bitch to maintain."

Sprout smiled briefly. "If I told anypony, I'd think they wouldn't believe me anyway. But yeah, thanks." Sprout grimaced. "You're totally going to have to do more community service though- the whole attacking ponies is a big deal. . .even if they suck. Knowing mother, she's totally going to relish you doing anger management classes to prove a point."

Posey breathed out. "Fine, but I'll hate every moment. Especially if its a Canterlogic doctor. I've had my fill of those."

Sprout hummed in thought for a moment. "Maybe Sunset has an idea. I mean I think her mother had training. Or Sunny mentioned it in passing. With how Sunny's so focused on friendship and her dead idol, she might have picked up something."

Posey groaned. "Sounds like a blast. Absolutely fantastic. But it's better than Canterlogic poking and prodding me like I'm a freak so there's that. And if you think its a good idea, then sure. At least Sunny's relatively normal. The rest of her friends? Not so much, but her? Pretty normal, besides the stupid magic alicorn bullshit. Hey, at least we can bond on how much we hate Canterlogic. . ."

A shaft of light opened up nearby and Hitch's head popped into view, a machete in his jaws. Hitch blinked as he took in the scene and quickly dropped the large blade so he could actually talk and not just mumble at the pair. "Bleh, sorry. I know this is a bad time and all but I need to get your statements about this. A tangled mass of grapevines popping up in the center of town is kind of a big enough deal normally to be my jurisdiction- and with Pipp's hurried tale of what seems to have caused it, I might need double statements and not just chalk this up as a freak magical accident. Canterlogic protocol and all that."

Posey glared at Hitch for ruining the moment. "Give us a second, Sheriff, we were having a moment and you ruined it. It was nice not having ponies need me for something every moment of the day."

***

Pipp glanced at the two earth ponies and smiled as she slowly pushed around her hayburger. "So how did the two of you meet? Like off record cause while I'd love to get all the crazy details, knowing our totally normal friend here, Sprout, I might want to paraphrase the info for my fans, not straight from the pony's mouth if you know what I'm saying."

Sprout quietly nodded and looked away for a moment. "From the beginning or when we actually got together and she didn't try to kill me everytime I was near."

Posey grumbled. "I wasn't that bad."

Sprout chuckled slightly, the good memories dulling the emotions he was feeling under the surface, numbing him slightly from the swirling thoughts in his head. "You tossed me through a brick wall. Then a few months after that you almost threw me down the stairs. I thought you hated me. Like a lot."

Posey blushed and ran a hoof through her mane. "I do. . .still feel bad about that."

Pipp waved a hoof. "While that sounds highly unconventional and honestly rather toxic in the meet cute way of romance, I mean how did you get together. Like how does this even work?" Pipp waved her hooves around wildly in the pair's direction to highlight her point. "Cause for some reason nopony told me you two were dating and that's a fair bit of ponies. I mean let's see- Hitch, for one. Probably Sunny cause she knows what everypony is doing at all times. Izzy, which is shocking cause she's terrible at keeping secrets, and then the both of you. Though less on Posey cause I try not to talk to you. For scary reasons. Plus I thought you hated me and the others. But Sprout? I saw you like a few days ago and you had a whole conversation with me. I'd think the topic of Posey being your marefriend could just pop right up."

Posey crossed her hooves. "I'm not that bad. And I only hate. . ." Posey blinked for a moment as she mentally unfurled her long list of 'ponies who I despise' and quickly realized how long it was. "Okay, well, I have mellowed out a lot."

Pipp nodded. "Sure and you broke Rosedust's legs and choked Lily out. For a decent reason and they were terrible but can you see why I might have thought you were unapproachable." Pipp cautiously tapped her hooves on the table. "I mean I do a similar job to those two and am. . .way shorter. . .you'd probably murder me." Pipp whispered that last bit and tried to laugh, failing as she looked into Posey's eyes. "you're intimidating to the extreme."

Sprout shivered and placed a hoof on Posey's lap and laid it there. Posey glanced at her stallion and quietly placed her own hoof in his and gripped it tightly. "I don't try to be Pipp. Let's get off this topic for now. While I love talking about me, myself, and I- we can talk about that later. Now back to this whole virgin problem you have."

Pipp blushed and looked around the packed burger joint, completely flustered at Posey's extremely brazen words. "Can we not do it here? Somepony will hear and it'll be like internet news in an hour."

Posey patted Sprout and casually leaned into him as she spoke. "Don't care. I mean I bone Sprout in public for fun. A simple sex issue like what you have is nothing to me. Now what exactly do you want to know about the deed as you'd probably put it? How to get a stallion's attention, how to have them like jelly in your hooves? Or maybe positions, toys, and important skills you'll need. Visual aids or material? Though I don't know what pegasi do. Can you use your wings for, I guess, wingjobs?"

Pipp shrank down in her booth and was speechless, her face fully flushed and crimson as Posey continued outlining her knowledge. The pink pop princess squeaked out a "please stop" before falling silent once again, her memories of Queen Haven traumatizing her running on repeat in her mind.

Posey breathed out and grinned. "But you do want to bed Hitch? I mean there's no discerning for taste. . ."

Sprout, who had been blocking out Posey's speech as he drank a bit of soda, choked on it and sputtered as he looked for a napkin. "What, Pipp and Hitch? Really?"

Posey shrugged and wiped off Sprout's coat with her own napkin. "Is there a problem?"

Sprout shook his head. "Just an odd coincidence. Remember when I said Hitch showed me Pipp's music? He kind of has all of her albums. It kind of creeped me out. I didn't ask if he had her merch, but it wouldn't surprise me."

Pipp blinked, set down her hayburger and tapped a hoof onto her phone, sliding her hoof around to open it and after a short while she slid it towards Sprout. She was a mare on a mission. She breathed out and let her disgust of sex fade away, knowing this was far more important. He could be a fan and she never let her fans down. "So he has all of my albums? Even the bootlegs and the metal music I released? And the foal album I did for charity proceeds?" She clapped her hooves together. "I doubt that one, that was a limited release. He'd have to be a superfan to get that one."

Sprout cocked an eyebrow. "You have a list of all your albums on your phone? That's weird." He scrolled through the pictures and nodded, quickly handing it back to the small mare. "Yeah, he had it. And all of that. Seriously why do you have so many albums?"

Posey nodded and thought of a particularly devious idea. One that could definitely make Hitch chill the fuck out and get him slightly off his back. "So that's her in. Hitch is weirdly enough a superfan of hers."

Pipp facehoofed. "I'm not going to pull a Filly Four moment with Hitch. That's just icky. And morally wrong. Haven't we learned something from today? I mean seriously, I'd rather do anything else than come onto him that strong."

"No, no, I'm saying do a private show. For Hitch. And then maybe do sex stuff if you two want to. It'd be totally up to the both of you. I can give you pointers if you want. Oh and condoms, I totally wouldn't want you to get knocked up. I mean its pretty awful at times. I think Zipp would murder me." Posey chuckled, but with how Sprout talked about the older royal and how protective she was of Pipp. . .getting tossed off a cloud wasn't that far fetched of an idea.

Sprout stared at the two mares and sighed as he wondered if this was catastrophically go wrong. It was Posey's plan and her plans, while competent, were apt to go wrong in some way. "I somehow feel really bad for Hitch. But at least this will be funny."

Pipp blinked and lowered her phone. "Wait. Hold up. Did you just say you're pregnant? I have to totally mention this in my podcast addendum."

Posey groaned. "Fuck."

Author's Note

Hopefully next chapter doesn't take like five months to come out. Definitely didn't plan for that to happen.

Though half of it was from trying to make the Filly Four work- Ali-Conned has them be so horrible to Sunny in canon that it colored my view of them and dialed it up to like 12. But yeah this was a lot. I already have ideas for a chapter 5 and probably part of chapter 6, but I need a short break from this for like a month or two max. Something a little more lighthearted and silly for a bit.

I Was Up Above It (Now I'm Down In It)

Phyllis Cloverleaf stared at the two earth ponies that graced her office. She had spent years massaging the image of the Filly Four as perfectly usable cultural tools- a song here and there that could be a soporific for the masses, their discontent with the Canterlogic system of rules and regulations assuaged by a silly song. Then came the scandals with these performers of hers, a dubious consent here, an NDA there, sex scandal after sex scandal that she had her lawyers work out.

She owned the fucking Filly Four. She made them who they were and was. . .complicit in some of their hare-brained and awful schemes. Their merchandise sold amazingly well and the music arm of Canterlogic paid for some of the R&D department's rather crazy ideas. It was supposed to be a simple give and take.

It would have been an uncomfortable situation but then these whores had to defile her son. That would not do.

She steepled her hooves together as she stared at them through her lenses. She was usually so well composed that the bubbling rage beneath her calm demeanor was imperceptible to all but a few. "Ladies, I know the last week or two has been rather eventful. The whole tour with unicorns went relatively well. . .the ticket sales were fantastic. But there was this one teensy tiny thing that you two wonderful ponies did."

Rosedust tried to shrug, but winced due to the pain of her broken limbs. "Which was? I think I know what it was but just so you can like confirm it or nah."

Phyllis tapped a button and the video of the vapid pegasus princess played. Phyllis sighed and wondered what she had seen in the pink mare- with how she acted online she would have been such a terrible match for Sprout, but the royal match would have been fantastic for her business. Pipp as a marriage prospect would have been a complete headache and her sister was such a sport fiend that Phyllis wrote her off entirely. She shook her head and focused. "Let's see besides the fifty random hookups you had from all over Equestria, the theatrics, the drugs. The crime. Everything. I could let most of that go since the harm caused is offset by profits of the media empire the branding has created. But then you had to do this."

Lily stared at the video. "What? Almost get my trachea crushed by a psycho? Or Dusty here being crippled and probably put out to pasture? I mean harshing the mellow vibes we get?" Lily noticed her bandmate trying and failing to flip a hoof in her direction. "What you know its true. Like the doctors said you can't dance for shit now. You got off better than Juniper though. At least you can walk. I mean sure you can't pleasure yourself right now, but at least you don't have to have a liquid diet and aren't physically stuck in a wheelchair."

Phyllis facehoofed and threw out her carefully planned speech. She had two idiots in front of her that didn't understand the logistics of what they did. She didn't want to coddle the talent. "No, I mean your unfortunate target."

Rosedust ears perked up. "The fat waiter? Or was he a deputy? Doesn't matter, the only thing that matters is that he was smuggling a cock the size of a large baby. Honestly I'm totes disappointed that I didn't bone his dick. Would have made the aftermath way more bearable. At least I could have joked that I broke my legs from sex."

Phyllis clenched her desk and tried to count to ten. "That was my son you two dolts."

Lily blinked. "Oh fuck that's why he looked familiar. Puberty did him no favors. I mean it did one but he was just some random stallion looking dude. Not like a Cloverleaf. Aren't you all supposed to look all high and mighty and all that. It's like Canterlogic rule number one. I mean his cock was high and mighty at least. . .shouldn't have said that." Lily ran a hoof through her mane in thought. "Shit we fucked up."

Phyllis nodded. "Enough that re-education sounds like a preferable option. Be glad I chose that method, I was on the cusp of being very unmerciful and debating if death would be better. Quicker and less torturous, but we can get some use out of you yet. Just a few shocks to your pesky deviant brains and we can mold you into ponies I would like to talk to. Obedient, quiet, tamed workers. I'd have put you in the breeding section but your degeneracy would taint future generations."

The two mares' faces drained of color.

Phyllis stared at the chairs the two earth ponies had sat in, now empty, and she grimaced. She would have to spend a fair bit of money to get the blood out of the cloth seats. A pity. A horrible thought crossed her mind. That of Posey Bloom, the halfbreed. She had protected her Sprout from further harm. Violently. It was almost admirable. Almost. Phyllis stared at the few teeth on her desk and sighed. It was a dirty business, that of re-education. Broken ponies getting their brains shocked to mush while Canterlogic propaganda was shoved into their malleable skulls. She really should have killed them but it would have been too merciful.

"Damn it. What kind of thank you message should I send to this nuisance? I can't show my hoof too much, nothing so fancy as to tell the mare that I was grateful for her actions, but nothing too cheap to downplay Sprout's existence. A conundrum. Maybe middle of the road options? A fruit basket or chocolate platter. Something simple but classy." Phyllis worked through her conflicting thoughts methodically. The slow and focused method hadn't failed her yet. She tapped the nearby button on her desk and Sweets' voice came through loud and clear.

"Yes, Mrs. Cloverleaf?"

Phyllis crossed her hooves in thought. "Send a fruit basket to Posey Bloom. Your choice on what it contains, just make it a nice size. Also send out a news bulletin that Canterlogic completely washes its hooves of the Filly Four. Send a message to Bridlewood that we appreciate their help, but due to certain complaints we can not use Rosedust or Lily again." Phyllis stared out of her large window and carefully fished out a lighter and a cigarette. Her hooves trembled ever so slightly as she lit it and took a long hard drag of the heady smoke. "Say something to the effect of that we completely disavow their actions. And Sweets?"

"Yes, Mrs. Cloverleaf?"

"Try to find the best jobs for Rosedust and Lily. They are coming to you tabula rasa, please try to educate them properly. I wouldn't like to know what a repeat offender looks like in our reeducation program. Irreparable brain damage most likely."

"I will try, but looking at their original applications to Canterlogic. . .there was a reason they were used for their musical talents and nothing else. Their aptitude tests were abysmal. I could probably have them reassigned as hospitality clerks or some outward facing job with certain personality modifications."

"And this is why you are my favorite personal assistant. Even if you're my only one. You get things done."

***

Posey slowly drank her coffee and sighed as she stared out the kitchen window. Things had slowly gone back to a normal pace- not back to true normal, especially not after the Filly Four. Sprout was jumpy whenever sex came up but they had found workarounds. Nothing perfect, but it was better than completely abstaining. She groaned and laid her head on the table and thought about what she was going to do today. Hitch hadn't mentioned her community service being extended so her actions seemed to be brushed under the rug. But it still left a hole in her week.

A knock broke her drifting thoughts and she slowly rose to her hooves to check who that was. While she looked positively indecent since she was still in her pink bathrobe for comfort- it was eight in the morning.

She opened it to see a pony she'd never expect to talk to ever. Zipp Storm. Well, a low chance since she was running out of Sunny's odd friends to annoy. "Can I help you?"

Zipp shuffled on her hooves and ran a hoof through her mane. "Hitch told me to come pick you up for a. . .how did he put it? Pegasi community service day. Or something."

Posey's eyebrow rose at that. While Sprout was currently being distant and way more focused on anything else but his deputy job- she hadn't heard anything from Hitch about slumming it with Zipp ever. The obnoxious stallion usually outlined her service to an extent that ruined any kind of enjoyment she could have. Though, to be fair, it made sense. Whenever her weekly outings were more freeform pieces they usually devolved into pure chaos. Still this seemed a bit odd. "Fine. Give me a moment. You want breakfast? I mean most of my food in my fridge is takeout or pizza but it's still food."

"Sure, why not?"

Sprout looked in the bathroom mirror an grimaced as he stared at himself. He looked ragged and felt it, his messy mane and the beginnings of dark rings around his eyes showed at a glance his mental state. He kept replaying that day in his head trying to parse the mess of emotions that he still felt. It was a raw and pained hole in his chest, a wound that might not completely heal and he breathed out to steady himself.

He splashed water on his face and felt the cool wetness steel him for the day ahead.

He heard the bathroom door open and Posey walked in and hugged him tightly from behind, her height and overall size making him feel inadequate for a moment, a dark thought of 'if it was Posey, she could have done something, anything' and he pushed it down and breathed out again.

"Hey, so Zipp's here. Just a warning. Thought it was going to be Sunny. That's what it should have been in the itinerary."

Sprout shrugged. He didn't exactly remember what he said. The last few days had been a blur and he had been on autopilot for most of it. "Did I? I mean it sounds like a Hitch sanctioned idea. But Zipp works too. I mean she seems relatively normal. At least as normal as Sunny's friends are. I mean I doubt she's going to go crazy and do something horrible. Malicious maybe, but at least not criminal. Doesn't seem the type."

Posey laid her head on Sprout's shoulder and sighed. "You said something similar about Izzy and look where that led. And take it easy, okay? Try to get some sleep and relax. Or try gardening. I mean I have a whole unused part of my yard we could use for a garden. It could be nice and peaceful out there. . .I mean it gives me some peace at least. Could be nice."

Sprout breathed out and looked in the mirror and stared in Posey's face for a moment. They hadn't done anything for a week and a half. No talk about what had happened and barely a hint of a touch in that time. There was a strain to their relationship and he felt it with each and every longing glance she gave him. He hadn't even touched himself in that time and felt self conscious now as he noticed the hefty weights dangling between his legs. His body had become used to Posey's administrative touch and longed for a release but mentally he was unsure. He felt the lingering touch of Rosedust and Lily whenever he tried, their high pitched digs at him still raw and fresh. He breathed out and let the thoughts fade from his mind for the time being. "I'll think about it. I mean I haven't even touched a garden. My mom never gave me a reason to. Or just said that was for other ponies. Though thinking back, she definitely wasn't saying that nicely. She did at least pay the gardeners which is something I guess."

Posey hugged Sprout. "I have tools you can try out in my shed. And whatever your mom said, don't worry. I think you'll be great at it. I mean. . .good at it. Most earth ponies seem to be since everypony got heir magic back. Though I'm sad that I'm no longer 'the flower pony' or 'a flower pony' if everypony can just grow shit out the ground. It kind of makes gardening lose some of the status I had thought it gave me."

Sprout chuckled. "Well I still think your garden is great. Much better than Canterlogic's attempt at one. And sure, I'll try my hoof at it." He didn't comment on the falter in her voice when she mentioned he'd be great at gardening- the unsaid "cause you made a giant plant appear out of thin air. . ." hung silently in the air. She wasn't wrong, he'd probably be good at it. "And be safe out there with Zipp. I mean if Pipp is that odd, her sister has to be as well. I mean Sunny had to see something in her friends, but each of them are kind of nuts."

***

"Welcome to W.I.N.G.S., the Wonderful Institute of No-Gravity Skywalking." Zipp sighed and tapped carefully on the large obstacle course that took up a portion of Maretime Bay's park. "And no, Posey, I didn't name it. That would be my sister. . .or Izzy. One of those two, I couldn't get a direct answer as who truly came up with the name."

Posey cocked her head. "Okay, so if you can tell I can't fucking fly. Why am I even here?" She was half-pegasi, and Canterlogic wouldn't let her forget that minor inconvenience- but she wasn't born with the really important wing attachments to actually fly. And looking at the obstacle course, which seemed to be put together with liberal amounts of tape and glue, set twenty feet above her head, she wondered how useful it was to non-pegasi.

Zipp shook her head. "This is the foal obstacle course. Well it was originally supposed to be for newly minted pegasi, but after my first class. . .feather I hate that I can say that. . .it didn't work out perfectly. Sure, Windy, Zoom, Thunder, and Fifi passed with relatively flying colors, but that was like two months ago. Now most adults know how to achieve liftoff and be adequate at flying. You're going to help me out with Foal Flight School."

Posey's face drained of color. "Can we do anything else, I kind of don't like foals."

Zipp cocked an eyebrow at that. "How is that even possible. Pipp told me that you were knocked up and here you are saying you dislike foals? I mean I don't always like them but I don't plan on getting pregnant- though Mom would love grandfoals and mentions it all the damn time. It's more Pipp's job. Or future Pipp."

"First of all, the whole I don't like foals bit is fine cause I meant I don't like other ponies' foals. All the mess and noise and annoyance and my foals will not be anything like that. Or at least they will be as well behaved as I have time to teach them good boundaries. It's all about fair and good rules applied well. That's how you don't get little monster fillies and colts. And secondly, Pipp told me she is pretty much afraid of sex. So that's a problem for future you."

Zipp rolled her eyes. "I'll take parenting advice from you. Totally. I mean you've shown such great morals before and are a completely well-adjusted member of society. If you can believe that, I have a few investment opportunities to tell you about." Zipp breathed out. "And my sister seems to have completely fixed her hang-ups about getting laid." Zipp eyed up the tall yellow mare. "You don't know anything about that? I mean you hung out with her for one day and she changed her Ponyfans account into a full blown sex positive heaven. Good for her, but Mom's going to have a stroke about it. Pipp's whole vibe is a family friendly influencer that doesn't outright do that. It's completely antithetical to her brand." Zipp's eye twitched ever so slightly as she looked at Posey.

"Uh, no? Also weird. Sprout said you weren't into that social media garbage and you sound like Pipp's manager."

Zipp shook her head and grimaced. "Anyway, I'll talk to you about that later, looks like our group of fillies and colts are coming and while I'd love to talk all day about my sister's ever evolving love life, I'm a consummate professional and won't mention shit in front of foals. All these pegasi foals are Pippsqueaks and I don't want to ruin my sister's image for them. Even if she's trying to make my own weird fangroup happen. Zippsters? Like that would ever catch on. I don't even have a public account for royal duties."

***

Sprout stared at Posey's detailed notes on plant care. He whistled to himself since he knew her mare was rather focused on flowers- that was her job and reason her cutie mark was what it was- but it was different to see it explained in such hyperfocused detail. "Why did she rank plants by ease of care? I mean I get it but Flora Magic should skip the difficult bits. I mean Sunny talked about it like it was so easy a foal could do it." He breathed out and focused his magic in a hoof and thought of something simple. Or at least recognizable to him. He had seen enough flowers from his mother's suitors or different business propositions that he could easily create a bouquet of flowers in his sleep. "Okay, so let me try tulips. Those always looked nice."

He tapped a hoof and closed his eyes, ready for a massive tulip to come out of the ground and strangle him. He felt nothing and looked down and grimaced.

A small patch of tulips stared back at him. A black tulip patch. "Let's see, Posey didn't mention color at all. I mean tulips probably can be that color but its not what I expected. Let's try this again."

Sprout tapped a hoof and thought of another plant.

He blinked as he watched a small field of roses sprung up. Which was a good thing. Though they too were as black as a rose could be. He frowned as he tried again and again, slowly pouring in more magic to see if he wasn't doing it right- it should be a simple thing. Put magic in, get plant out- the color, shape, and size you wanted. He did it before. Why was it so much more difficult?

He stomped around the empty portions of his special plot Posey put aside for him and stared as a field of black flowers spread over it. He huffed and puffed as he sat down and put his head in his hooves. "Fine, I guess black works." He leaned back and sighed, the fun of gardening now withered away and he laid down and looked up at the blue sky and he felt angry for a moment. Not at the process, it was simple enough. He angled his head up to see the field of flowers his magic had created and while they were nearly blackish-purple, they were still flowers. They were something he willed into existence and while he wanted them to be any other color, they still were flowers. He still felt woefully empty because of the last week and closing off his emotions to deal with the pain of what happened to him. But maybe the field of black flowers were telling him something.

He laughed at himself for a moment. It was just flowers. But he felt slightly better. His annoyance and rage at the flowers not fitting into his ideal flowers had worked out some of the rage at the world he had bottled up. It was still there in his chest, making some days hard to deal with, but he had opened himself up for failure.

He was such an idiot. He fished out his phone and stared at the time and wondered if Hitch might need some help. He hadn't talked to him in a week and it might be nice not to fully wallow in his own thoughts for one day. At least it could give him something else to focus on. Beyond his thoughts that sounded a bit too like Rosedust and her barbed comments. The whispers of his own thoughts had kept him on edge for the past week, the one bad day replaying constantly in his mind and all he could do was debate with himself if he did enough.

He knew he had done enough, or at least it wasn't all his fault, but a part of him disagreed. And that part was vocal.

"Okay, okay, screw this." He angled his body and trudged off towards the one place he could always have a regular day- the Sheriff's Office and Hitch's incessant need to have everything in its place and time made it a boring routine on the best of days, but a welcome relief with how Sprout was feeling right now. He was stressed out, tired, and doubting parts of himself that he didn't know exactly how to fix. He needed some sense of normalcy again.

***

"This is Posey and while she doesn't have wings, she's going to help you fine fliers to get the basics of takeoff and safe landings. I see your questioning hooves and yes, that's why she has a butterfly net and pillows strapped to her. Rule One, due to how ponies do not like having young pegasi fall out of the sky and smack right into them. The Canterlogic rules tell me to say that that is a "not very good idea legally" I will say that these pillows are a safety precaution and that please do not aim below the chest for Posey here. There would be a lot of morally questionable things I'd be accountable for, even if it was a rad stunt."

Posey grumbled as she tried to comfortably move. Sure she was totally happy that, unlike Sunny's weird friends like Izzy, Zipp was relatively normal. Relatively. She was still making her do dumb shit for some reason. And some of these foals weighed like fifty pounds so she doubted pillows and a butterfly net would even help to catch them or soften the blow of them blindsiding her.

Zipp carefully tapped her flight plans. "Okay, so we will work our way up the ladder in terms of difficulty. I know that some of you might no be able to pull off my kind of stunts- most can't since I have years and years of parkour practice but some might be able to pull off the middling tricks with time. So no "1480 McTwist Extreme" but "360 Hop Skips" will be totally possible."

Posey awkwardly attempted to raise her hoof to object. After failing miserably due to the pillows duct taped to her body, she grimaced and spoke her thoughts out loud. "Are you just making up trick names? Those sound totally fake."

Zipp rolled her eyes. "I have it on good authority that the Wonderbolts named their tricks all the time and while I might have taken some creative liberties with some of the names, the normal tricks are all like that. The history books mention even more daring tricks that wouldn't even be possible outside of old timey magic that is lost. Whatever a Sonic Rainboom was, I know I can't currently pull that off, and from how they spoke about that particular trick, it had to be particularly unique." Zipp spread out her hooves ever so carefully. "So that's why you kids need to learn how to fly cause maybe one of you lot can unlock some super rad magical superpower. I might be currently unable to even with months of flight skills and years of parkour knowledge, but one of you kids can with my guidance could do it. Probably. I mean there is at least a chance."

The gaggle of pegasi fillies and colts beamed as they imagined the idea of secret pegasi magic powers and ran off to try to get a quick start.

"Glory, can you keep the newbies from trying the really dangerous parts of the obstacle course?" A blue pegasi filly saluted Zipp with a wing and quickly ran off. Zipp watched and smiled briefly before turning back to Posey with a slightly cold glare. "I made up some of that, but its a kid-friendly flight school, I wanted to give them silly trick names so they can have something to work towards. It's a basic carrot to dangle in front of them. I tried the straightforward method with some and after tons of camps like this, that method didn't work well. You want twenty bored foals squabbling amongst each other or twenty focused imaginative foals trying to work out how to fly?"

Posey sighed. "The latter. But why the pillow suit?"

Zipp rolled her eyes. "Well you made my sister a sex crazed pony. I had to get back at you somehow. Also experience, I mean my first few camps had foals and adults alike cause so much environmental damage that I had a firm talking to by Hitch, which was so boring that I can only remember so much of it, but it was either give you a helmet to protect from the concussions or a pillow suit to protect from the body shots. And this looked funnier to me. If you know how to dodge a ball, you can dodge a foal hurtling towards you at thirty miles an hour. It's just basic physics."

***

Sprout stared blankly at the sheriff's office. A new "Out to Lunch" sign hung proudly on the outside of the door and he glanced through the blinds to see if Hitch was there. It was unlikely, but if he knew the stallion he'd be somewhere in the building- Hitch had his own place completely paid off and he still sometimes slept at work. He saw movement in the low light and that gave Sprout enough reason to press onward. If it wasn't Hitch, then he could use deputy prerogative and barge in anyway. He tried the door and, finding it unlocked, walked right in to the darkened sheriff's office.

He immediately regretted the decision once his eyes adjusted to the dim light.

"Oh fuck me, Hitch." Pipp's voice rose and fell breathily as Hitch railed her on his desk like it was going out of style, his motions precise and honed from probably years of being the Bay's most wanted bachelor. Of course he knew how to bone mares like a sex expert, he had mares falling out of trees since Hitch had entered puberty. Literally. Sprout had watched Primrose fall out of a tree mere weeks ago because Hitch had walked underneath the tree she had been watching him from.

"What the fuck are you two doing?"

Hitch looked up at his deputy with a look of horror on his face and quickly pulled out of Pipp who fell back on a desk with a nervous whinny and a thump as her relatively prodigious booty smacked the desk hard. "W-why are you here, Sprout? I mean I thought Mrs. Cloverleaf expressly forbade you from coming in. For decompression. . .and stuff." Hitch stumbled over his words as his hooves fumbled for the condom that was on his erect dick. "I didn't think you'd come in for another week."

Sprout raised an eyebrow. "I'm away for like a week and the whole office goes to whatever this is? I am almost touched. Here I thought you were so controlled and safe but I leave for a week and you become a playcolt?" Sprout had to use sarcasm to not break down from laughing as Hitch tried to organize the desk he had been railing Pipp on back to a sense of normalcy. "Guess Posey's little pep talk did wonders for you two."

Pipp rolled over on the desk and stared at Sprout. "We're pretty compatible. And no, its not just cause Hitch is hot. That helps immensely, Hitch owning his own house so we can totally bang in privacy also helps, but we like similar things. Sure I prefer horror movies, which he doesn't like all that much, but we like similar foods and we have similar sleep schedules. Oh, and he's a complete romantic once we got the whole sex stuff out of the way. I thought the rose petals leading somepony to the bedroom was a movie thing and he did that for me. It was so cute." Pipp blushed in thought before realizing what was going on. "Okay, that's going to need to be edited out. And the vid is going to probably be scrapped. Sucks, but I guess that means we get a round two." Pipp pointed at a camera in the corner of the office that pointed directly at the desk she laid on. "Thank goodness I don't do Ponyfans livestreams for this kind of content else I'd have ended up on a few unfortunate SeenIt threads. I can see it now- 'Famous Influencer Disgraced as Unfulfilling Sex Tape Hits the Net.' Too awful for words."

Sprout blinked. "I never thought I'd see the day Hitch, the stallion that thought swearing was too dangerous, did porn but here we are. Posey is going to lose her shit over this. I thought you two were just sharing a moment, not filming your junk for all the net to see."

Hitch blushed and shook his head. "Please don't say that and don't tell Posey."

Sprout shrugged and flipped the nearby light switch. "I can't keep such a juicy secret away from her, she'd notice something was up the moment she'd see me, Hitch. She has a good intuition for these things. Plus I'm terrible at lying."

Hitch groaned. "I'm going to get so much bad press once this gets out."

Sprout raised an eyebrow at that. "You haven't told anypony that you are having sex with Pipp? Have you seen her follower count? Or her actual royal title? It's surprising my mother hasn't come down here to give you a firm talking to. She freaked out when she realized I was watching porn, which completely messed me up for years, I doubt she'd be happy you do this on your breaks. No offense to either of you."

Pipp shrugged. "How hard can convincing Sprout's mom be? I mean I've met her before in passing, she seemed particularly fine when I mentioned my singing career. Still weird she tried to get you with me. You are not my type, though with how Posey mentioned you, maybe you might have been. I mean it's been a week since I realized how sex can be fun and positive, I bet you and Posey could have a blast on Ponyfans. I'd shout you out and it would be a fun collab. Or not, I am not entirely sure how collabs like that could work. The images my mind is giving me right now kind of ick me out. But like the site might like seeing some fun stuff with earth ponies- its a really big pegasi site cause, you know, internet is huge in Zephyr Heights. You'd make a whole niche of creative fun. Like an earth pony fetish."

"Yeah Sprout do it. We'll watch you rail your whore." Sprout heard Rosedust's voice behind him and he glanced in his peripheral vision just to check if there was somepony behind him. "Ha made you look. But seriously, you might be a terrible waiter, but you were a fun lay. Very fun."

Sprout blinked and breathed out. "Never thought I'd hear those words coming from you. . .I'll, uh think about it." He got up and walked around his desk to put some distance from his thoughts. "So, any work that needs a deputy or an extra set of hooves? I came down here to see if, uh, there was anything to get my mind off of stuff."

"Coward. You've just been lounging around eating pizza and watching movies while crying at the drop of a hat. Posey pities you."

Hitch shrugged. "It's the Bay. If it isn't a mob of unruly bunnies or some pegasi stuck in a tree, there isn't much to do. Which on that point, Pipp, I'm glad Zipp has been teaching ponies to fly, but it has been kind of a pain to get the one ladder the sheriff department has to get dazed ponies out of trees."

Pipp giggled. "You only have one ladder? Didn't earth ponies climb trees?"

Hitch shook his head. "Canterlogic policy made it kind of a big deal that pegasi lived in the tops of trees like birds. Most were too scared to get off the ground- though it made an alternate issue of ponies running into trees due to mass paranoia about pegasi swooping down and foalnapping them."

Pipp rolled over and snuggled into Hitch's chest and quickly pecked him on the cheek. "That's sad but also kind of cute. Though it definitely gives me an idea of foalnapping you for a date. Though I think I might have to have the big strong earth pony foalnap me instead- would love to lift you into the sky and see how you react but you're kind of twice my size."

Hitch smiled. "Was that a short joke from you?"

Pipp blushed and shook her head. "No. I mean maybe. But I'm just being factual about it. I mean I know what's said about me online at least in some odd threads out there. That I'm small and thick. Though spelled horribly for the meme."

"This is stupid. Pipp's stupid. Filly Four for life. At least we took good care of our fans. You know that."

Sprout gulped. "Well I don't want to impose. I'll probably just walk around and see what the town needs. Patrol. The usual."

Hitch raised an eyebrow. Both he and Sprout knew that the red stallion hated patrolling the town. He was far more a clerical focused deputy than a go getter kind of deputy. "Okay. . .sounds great. If you need any help, you know my number."

Sprout nodded and left. He could feel Rosedust's eyes staring at him as he opened the door. He glanced into the glass and saw only his reflection and Pipp and Hitch's inquisitive faces. Of course. Hearing your own thoughts whispered to you by somepony that wasn't there was completely normal.

He had been putting off talking to Sunny for a while, but maybe it was necessary.

***

"Next pegasi, step up and learn how to takeoff and land." Zipp blew her whistle and grinned as she watched Posey try and flail about to catch the rambunctious foals with her little butterfly net. The yellow mare didn't realize that Zipp had pulled out the best fliers of the group to make a fun little game called dodge the net. It taught them how to deal with alternate wind currents, unpredictability, and Maretime Bay cops in a nice and completely safe environment.

Well, she said that to them. She was holding in a bit of anger that was unbecoming for the next queen of Zephyr Heights. She had spent years trying to find her own sense of self when it came to ruling and yet she still heard her mother's voice drilling into her the idea of poise and sensibility that Zipp wrestled with. She drank heavily. She bristled at royal events, unlike her sister who loved meet and greets- Pipp was terrible at formal speeches and Zipp excelled at those- but Pipp would have been a fantastic queen.

And then Posey threw her into the shark's den and introduced her to sex. That was going to be her job. It would have been fucking weird, but maybe do a controlled introduction of it on her 21st birthday- a wild mess of a thing. Zipp had it all planned out and everything. Nice and methodical. She dabbled in the nightlife of the Heights- many of her friends were in the gay bars and other haunts that gave ponies a good time. Good enough. She wasn't going to give her sister a drug habit. But Posey came in and threw all that out the window.

Zipp went to bed a week ago and woke up in a world where Pipp was filming sex tapes and doing short sex positive videos for her paying adult fans. Which she was one of them due to her having a few burner accounts. Mother told her to keep an eye on Pipp because she was naïve and easily taken advantage of- Jazz was Pipp's right hoof mare for a reason. The green earth pony was a newer addition to Pipp's clique but a much needed buffer between Pipp's naivety and ponies who would take advantage of her. Zipp swigged her water bottle and set it aside. She was holding her anger back, but not well. She had read through the legal disclaimers and assuaged Posey's fear of pegasi becoming figurative missiles, but she was fallible and pissed.

Fuck, she had thought of taking Posey and showing her the wonders of flight. First hoof. Where she dropped her from a few hundred feet and caught her right before the mare plummeted to the earth at terminal velocity. She'd catch her before then- she was mad but not murderously so. But Sunny had to talk her down from doing that. It would be too hard on the baby, the stress and all that. Blah, blah, blah. But she was livid. She shaded her eyes from the harsh sun and blew her whistle. She was merciful for now.

"Okay, Posey, that was pretty good. But you have to cool it with the swearing. I know the Bay can be a bit rougher than some places of Equestria, but you can't be slinging around that kind of language. It's a bad example for the foals. Plus some of those were racial slurs against pegasi and that's not cool." Zipp pursed her lips. She could be as course as Posey, maybe worse, but there was a time and place for everything and her image of coolness was carefully hooficured to be fine enough.

She had outward flaws, true. But decades of societal pressure and inward doubt had honed her outward presentation to a mask that kept her true feelings hidden. It took a lot for her to break and falter, but Posey pushed a button she forgot she had.

"We'll break for today. I want you lot to practice the flight homework I mentioned in passing. Loops, bank turns, but mostly importantly of all- landing and take off. Sheriff Hitch has been understanding about the use of trees as landing pads. . .but Maretime Bay policy makes trees kind of a no go for most. While scaring ponies can be fun, its not the best look for a good united ponykind."

***

"I was going to talk to Sunny, Izzy. Where is she?" Sprout glanced at the perky unicorn who stared back at him with a smile and upside down glasses.

Izzy shrugged. "Probably out at the community garden. Or out doing Sunny stuff. Like the smoothie stand. Or a few other spots. I mean we are an item, but I don't keep her down all day. You know boundaries." The unicorn shrugged. "What can Izzy do for you today? Damaged items, magical solutions, fun and laughter, I have most of that. But no. . .looking at your sparkle and shine there's something there."

Sprout tried to turn away and walk carefully back to the saner parts of the Bay. "Thanks but no thanks. I need to-"

Before Sprout could say otherwise, Izzy gripped him in her magic and dragged him inside with a quick yank.

Sprout opened his eyes after a few minutes of silence as he waited for the excitable unicorn to do every single horrible thing that Canterlogic propaganda had ingrained in him- torture, incessant singing, magic, more torture. He waited for the end to come and, feeling nothing out of the ordinary, he cautiously opened his eyes.

The Crystal Brighthouse looked slightly different to the one time he entered it, more lived in and separate areas of the structure, from what he could see, were so different in fashion that it was kind of a mish mash of styles- sporty, fun, trendy, and mundane at the same time. It was a mess and he wondered how much Posey would hate it.

"And done! You don't know how difficult it is to make a pop up doctor's office out of craft materials but it was a fun little challenge. Now how can Izzy help you? I would start with the talk session, Sunny says I am a really great listener and its covered in your health insurance right here." Izzy waved around a blank piece of paper. "Yeah, I've never heard of Canterlogic Medical either, but it has to be an awful plan. Sunny says Canterlogic put all the good money in research and development and it makes sense. I mean I keep getting stuck in the unicorn traps and it's just a headache. I am a sucker for cool metal objects and those things are my jam."

Sprout grimaced as he realized that Posey's distaste for the unicorn wasn't completely unfounded. He had stayed away from the mare for a long while, mostly because he was still somewhat afraid of her, and the rambling mess of words he tried to untangle just confused him. "What?"

Izzy waved a hoof. "Doesn't matter. Now let me flip through Sunny's handy dandy book of questions for an ice breaker. Let's see. . .no too silly, too serious, ah here we go. . .okay talk me through your day. You know recently. So I can get why your sparkle is all wacky."

"Oh this is stupid." Sprout heard Rosedust's voice from over his shoulder, the mare's cold and unfeeling tone cutting him like a knife as he stared at Izzy's expectant face. "I hate Canterlogic cause rules suck, but if every unicorn was like this, I'm happy I'm racist towards them."

Sprout shook his head and breathed out to focus. This was pointless, true, but it might be nice to humor her. At least it was a safer idea than not. "Fine. I wake up at Posey's place at nine am, eat breakfast, maybe do some housework. Posey leaves for her flower shop around ten or so. Then I sit around and play a game or two. Or I take a walk. I mean I would go do my job but I'm on leave so that's out. Watched a fair bit of tv to make up for that. Uh, eat lunch. Posey comes home around 6 pm or so, then dinner. Maybe some time with her and then in bed by 11 or midnight. It's really not that impressive."

Izzy nodded and mimed taking down notes while straightening her still upside down glasses. She didn't have a pen. "Okay, that sounds promising, let's deal with that. Any hobbies? I mean Posey has a few- let's see, flowers, sex, being angry all the time, oh and complaining. But you mentioned video games and the rest is blank. So hobbies?"

Sprout groaned. "Well you mentioned games. And that's about it. I mean I tried my hoof at gardening but it didn't work out all that well." Sprout shivered as he remembered why he was unwilling to garden.

"Come on it wasn't that bad, you even looked into it, where it counted at least." Rosedust chuckled beside him and Sprout glanced over to yet again see nopony there.

Izzy nodded. "Let's see Sunny wrote that down right here. . .a traumatic event causing an outburst of Flora Magic and a necessary follow up being required by one Mrs. Cloverleaf."

Sprout raised an eyebrow. He could literally see there was nothing written on the paper. "How did you. . ."

Izzy smiled. "Trade secret. So how did that event make you feel? Since I am a completely certified doctor. . .of Sparkle-ology. . .I can be under doctor/ patient confidentiality. I think. Sunny talked about her own knowledge and that sounded rather interesting. Don't know all the exact wording but I can keep a secret. I mean Zipp tells me stuff all the time and I forget it cause its in confidence. Or I don't feel like remembering it. Can't figure out which. But yeah feelings time. Which is totally important to understand how your aura is. Emotional ups and downs do a number on ponies' sparkles."

"What the fuck is a sparkle? Is that some new age bullshit?" Rosedust's voice rose in anger.

"Well I feel. . .angry a lot of the time after the. . ." Sprout stopped for a moment, the words getting stuck in his throat as he tried to collect his thoughts. "Did Sunny tell you about it?"

Izzy nodded. "Enough to get the points of it. I may look a bit silly but I'm not stupid. Plus your aura is fluctuating like crazy so I get the stress and doubt you are feeling. Continue."

Sprout breathed out. "I was. . ." he tried to figure out exactly how he should proceed- he hadn't spoken the words aloud since the whole mess a week ago. It was separate from him if he didn't confront it. It happened to somepony else, somepony that wasn't exactly him. The Sprout of a week ago, younger, more naïve, trusting and whole. "sexually assaulted by some of the Filly Four. Uh, and. . .I don't know why. I mean its hard to deal with, I wake up, look in the mirror and I see myself but it feels like its not me. I know it is, but I was more confident- somewhat more confident at least- before this and I've spent nearly two weeks sitting in my marefriend's house nervous about ponies. Their motives at least. I knew the few members of the Filly Four that did it weren't good ponies, but they blindsided me and I woke up and. . ." Sprout breathed out and tried not to break out fully in tears, the emotions getting the better of him as he wiped hi misty eyes with a hoof. "Sorry."

Izzy quickly passed him a nearby box of tissues and steepled her hooves. "No worries, I'm glad you got some of that out. Healing takes time and talking about it can help. I mean probably. Don't fully listen to me, my doctorate is in Sparkle-ology and that's not fully recognized by anypony. Honestly I made it up cause Uncle Alphabittle wanted me to have a college degree and all the choices were so boring and not me. So I made one up and look where I am now. Best idea ever."

"Come on Sprout, stop being a pussy about it. Sprout glanced over and shook his head.

Izzy sighed. "Second question, I get why you are probably distracted emotionally but you keep looking over there and while I love tinkering with Zipp's investigative tools, I doubt you'd be interested or even understand how they work. They are a whole mess of confusing circuits and magical gems. So why are you staring over there?"

Sprout shuffled in the chair. "No reason. None at all."

Izzy leaned over to touch Sprout's hoof. "If you are hearing things, its okay. It's not always a sign of something worse. You just went through a super bad event and being under high stress can do stuff like that."

Sprout blinked. "How did you-"

Izzy smiled. "I don't know how you are feeling, but I've been under tons of stress. I mean how else can I juggle a successful sculpture business, a hobby of being a street artist, and crafting up every tandom idea my friends have? Oh and dealing with Sunny who isn't the most stable pony either. I sleep terribly for a reason. Coffee is amazing and it totally made my workload way easier but counterpoint. . .drinking too much coffee while working on too many projects made me think I was hearing Sunny or the other girls say things that they hadn't. Made me a complete mess for a week. Cutting back on the coffee helped. But yeah, the voices inside your head aren't you, they are just some bad thoughts that everypony gets. Though Thought Sunny said some super hot ideas for the bedroom we just had to try. Good times, good times."

Sprout leaned back and stared at the unicorn like she grew a second head. Izzy usually seemed to speak utter nonsense, but that actually seemed like a good talk. He chuckled, A broken clock was always right twice. Though the thought of Sunny and Izzy having sex still weirded him out immensely. "Thanks, Izzy."

The purple unicorn smiled. "No problem. Oh you want a cookie? Sunny baked them recently and I always feel better after dessert. I mean who can be sad when sweets are involved. Personally I like the triple chocolate ones. . ."

Sprout shrugged. And there was Izzy again, completely back to normal and talking about something that wasn't all that serious. Though it was cookies. "Sure, I guess I could have one. Or a couple."

***

Zipp stared at Posey's unfinished drink and rolled her eyes. "Are you going to finish that?"

Posey shook her head. "I tried to tell you that I can't drink alcohol. I don't know what pegasi call apple flavored vodka, but to most sane ponies that is alcohol."

Zipp shrugged. "Sorry, it's a mare's night deal and I can't get more than one free drink." Zipp slid the untouched vodka over to her and steepled her hooves in thought. "Plus the name alone should have tipped you off- 'Everything But Water.' It's a fucking bar." Zipp breathed out and tapped a hoof on the table. "Okay, down to business. Zero foals to act nice towards. Just you and me and this handy bar." Zipp quickly glanced around the small establishment and pulled out her phone. "You know how the internet works, right?"

Posey rolled her eyes. "I'm very aware. Sprout has a better understanding but I know the gist of how it works."

Zipp nodded. "Okay, let me just sign into my Ponyfans account then, scroll through it and. . .here we go." Zipp passed the phone to Posey.

Posey looked down and quickly hid the phone underneath the table, quickly fumbling for the mute button just in case. "Are you nuts? Time and place, Zipp, time and place." Zipp had given her a phone playing Pipp's newest video on the site and as Posey glanced down at the phone, she could see the impressively limber pink princess baring it all. Which now gave Posey a bit too much information on Pipp's lower half and her self care regimen. "Uh, while I know stallions love bonding over porn, I wouldn't have figure you for the type. I mean Sprout told me you were a mare. . ."

Zipp frowned. "What's that supposed to mean? And no, I'm trying to show you what my sister has been doing all fucking week. Sure she's consistent to posting content to a fault, but I've been having a shit week cause of that."

Posey shrugged. "I mean just taking a glance, I don't know what's the problem? Condom? Check. Good angles? Check. I've seen so much amateur stuff that this is at least passable."

Zipp facehoofed. "I didn't want your professional opinion. I want you to stop Pipp from doing this."

"She's an adult. . .I think? Kind of hard to tell with how short she is."

Zipp drowned the first glass of vodka and grimaced. "Yeah, and?"

"Talk to her about it, I'm not going to be a middle-mare dealing with some royal mess. I have far too much on my plate to do that. She looks happy enough. What's the problem?"

Zipp ran a hoof through her mane and sighed. "I keep an eye on my sister and report back to my mom about her online activities- sure, Pipp's actions pay for themselves the world over with free press and donations. But I kind of haven't told her about the new. . .stuff Pipp is doing. Sure, the donations on her page are double, triple what they were but Mother has this idea that Pipp is like twelve years old still. And I've kind of put off my monthly report back to her."

Posey chuckled. "Is that all?"

Zipp shook her head. "Is that all? I know my mom. The moment I tell her Pipp is doing this, she's going to keel over or have a stroke and then I get to be Queen and I hate royal shit. It's the absolute worst thing ever. I did royal visits and commerce related trips and my feathers were so ruffled every time- don't do this, don't do that, that's a cultural no no, don't swear, act completely normal. It was like I was in a silver cage or whatever weird word Pipp said."

Posey quickly erased her mental note of Zipp being the most normal of Sunny's friends. At this point Hitch was the most average pony in her clique of weirdos and before he got with Pipp, Posey thought Hitch was at least partially gay with his musical theater interests. "Okay, so hear me out. What if you tell your mom that Pipp is totally getting some action and nothing happens?"

Zipp stared at Posey like the mare had grown a second head. "During our first attempt at bridging borders with Maretime Bay, Pipp and I got really ill for like no reason. Mom then freaked out about the thread count of fancy sheets saying that they were trying to poison us with bad food and terrible accommodations and then tried to cause a diplomatic incident with Canterlogic about it. She went ballistic and tried to talk to the manager's manager."

Posey smiled at the thought of Sprout's mom trying to placate an angry royal. She briefly wished that there had been a recording of that mess. "Sounds reasonable enough, I mean Sprout's a fun time to be around, but his mom is a bitch. And Canterlogic hated non-earth ponies, so the conspiracy theory would be in their wheelhouse. It sounds unlikely but I wouldn't put it past Mrs. Cloverleaf to poison you two for some unknowable reason. Maybe you got on her bad side, maybe she woke up and chose violence. She's pretty much the worst."

"What the fuck?"

Posey shrugged. "I mean it sounds like the Cloverleaf way of doing things. I mean we burned effigies of pegasi for fun Canterlogic approved team building sessions. But enough about the past, just tell your mom. At least you'll get the massive amount of stress you have off your back."

Zipp waved a hoof. "I'm not stressed out. I'm fine."

Posey raised an eyebrow. "You just drank like five large glasses of flavored vodka."

Zipp shook her head. "No I didn't." She looked at the table and noticed the empty glasses surrounding her and she lurched back and gripped the table to regain her balance. "Damn it. Okay, okay, maybe I'm a little stressed out. It's not my fault I relax by drinking. Totally great coping mechanism." Zipp shrugged and pulled out her phone. "You know what? Fuck it, I can totally handle Mother right now. And I'm fantastic at being cool, I mean half the time I'm hungover during royal events and nopony can tell." She quickly tapped out a rhythm on the table. "Okay, so time zone and time now here that means she should be open for a call. I mean she usually answers my calls but. . ."

Posey rolled her eyes and quickly grabbed the phone from Zipp's buzzed hooves and firmly pressed the call button.

A posh mare's voice came from the phone. "Hello, Zipp, I wasn't expecting you to call."

Zipp looked dumbfounded at Posey for a moment before scooping up her phone in a wing and holding it to her ear. "Oh yeah, yeah, I was just thinking about calling you. It's about Pipp, nothing too major, I think, but you would probably want to hear about it-"

***

Sprout opened the door to Posey's place and heard his mare fumble around in the kitchen, her low swears and tone almost comforting to him- it was normal and expected and with the week or two he had, and the inner voice whispering in his head, he needed some sense of normalcy. He raised an eyebrow at the large fruit basket with Canterlogic branding- that was new and he would need to ask Posey why his mom decided to give them a present. He could guess why, but he didn't want to cross that bridge yet. "Hey, Posey, I'm back."

She popped her head out and stared at him for a moment. "You look. . .better. Did something happen? Oh and that was dropped off. I didn't want to open it cause I wondered if your mother made it look normal but its full of poison or a bomb. Better safe than sorry. How was your day?"

Sprout closed his eye and let the loud thoughts pass way for a moment. "Decent, you wouldn't believe me but I had a good talk with Izzy and I think I might feel somewhat better. Not entirely- I mean I still have to talk to Sunny about. . .a whole lot, but it feels slightly better."

Posey raised an eyebrow. "Really, I can't talk to Izzy without having a full blown meltdown so that's surprising. You can tell me about it later, I was getting dinner ready and I'm like this close to calling delivery. I mean how hard is it to cook pasta? It's supposed to be simple and I try something different and it looks like a complete shit show."

Sprout smiled and shrugged. "Pizza can never disappoint. Oh and I think I'm ready again."

Posey looked confused for a moment. "Ready for what?"

"You know what."

Posey thought for a moment and got the hint. "Oh. . .are you sure? You just got. . .and that' a lot, I don't want to impose."

Sprout nodded. "I'm sure. And this time I think I want to try out one of your ideas. The one you mentioned before."

Posey carefully ran a hoof over the average sized dildo- she had quietly searched through her collection of sex toys for the perfect one for both parties. Not too big for Sprout's first time, but not strapped to her crotch like a harness. She had tried those types of toys out on a few receptive stallions, but she never found the straps and buckles and rings and loops to be comfortable for her. Maybe it was a hang-up from a partner calling it a net with a dick attached, maybe she just liked the feeling of mutual stimulation but the average strap-on did not excite her.

She fumbled for another one and felt the almost double sided sex toy she preferred for this kind of fun.

Sprout glanced over Posey's crouched form and raised an eyebrow. "What is that? And how does it even work? Where's the strap or whatever?"

Posey smiled and pecked Sprout on the cheek as she brandished the glass dong like a weapon. "This doesn't need any of that and I just have to slide this ribbed end into myself and the weight of gravity and the shape of it- and the muscles I have down there all make this wonder of science work."

Sprout squinted as he tried to imagine that and he couldn't mentally square the thought. "Okay, sure. You're the expert when it comes to this. Now what do I do. I imagine I just sit over there on the bed and present myself." Sprout had zero experience with this kind of sexual situation and the few times he looked at porn didn't help. "I mean the mares I saw in magazines didn't usually do this kind of position. They did something far more painful looking."

Posey smiled and patted Sprout's head. "That's pretty much all you need to do and if I need anything else from you, I'll tell you and gently move you into position if need be. Remember the code word if you don't feel comfortable. Lemon. I would have gone with another kind of fruit, but it came down to preference. Now just give me a minute to slip this right in and we can begin. Oh and grab the lube from the side table. I doubt you want to try this without any lube. I don't recommend it."

***

Posey took a good look at her stallion's body for the first time in what felt like forever, sure they had slept in the same bed, but this was the first actual time they had been in the same room for a sexual purpose since Sprout's experience. After weeks of nearly daily romps in bed, this moment felt like rain breaking a drought. She gingerly ran her hooves over his backside, feeling the bands of muscle that he didn't know existed deep within himself. She could feel the tension in them and she carefully pushed them as she went lower down his spine, lingering on her third favorite thing. His butt. She preferred his personality and his dick over it, but she had to admit that in terms of stallions she had been with, Sprout had the nicest, and largest booty in that pool of candidates. Either he was gifted by genetics to have an ass that wouldn't quit or all that pizza he ate went to one main place, its heft and weight perfectly to her liking- her eyes secretly roaming over it as he walked. Honestly it had been the first thing she had liked about him all those years ago, before she knew he was packing. She had looked at his hypnotic hips by accident once and well the rest was history. She breathed out as she tried to calm herself. Posey took a squirt of lube from the bottle and spread his cheeks.

She could hear Sprout's cute whinny as the cold lube entered him and she bit her lip as she tried to keep her cool.

"Ready? I mean we could stop here, I am fine with whatever you say." She'd be slightly disappointed, sure, but she wasn't an animal. While she was moments away from hilting a sex toy in Sprout's pliable behind, she was tempered by time and experience. Whatever he wanted to do, whenever he called the line. . .she'd stop.

"No, I was just surprised is all. I thought it would be warmer."

Posey chuckled. "I thought about it, but either way you'd have issues. It's a particularly sensitive part, and that's before I find your prostate."

"What's that?"

Posey rolled her eyes sighing at Canterlogic's terrible sex ed. "You'll figure that out quick. Ready?"

Sprout quickly nodded and Posey bit her lip again as his quick motion caused his backside to jiggle ever so slightly. "Ready."

Posey carefully aimed the average sized sex toy right between Sprout's cute butt and slowly plunged right in. She wasn't a barbarian and giving somepony time to adjust to such a new feeling was rather good for the both of them, especially because said sex toy was spearing her as well. If she went too fast she could have impaled herself. Fun idea, but she had found out the hard way before that it ended up being more uncomfortable for her.

Sprout moaned and squirmed slightly as new sensations hit him. He had imagined doing this once before but he had never done it- the thought of his mother accidentally walking in on him experimenting in such a way had kept him from doing this. He bit his lip as Posey got into a rhythm of slowly working herself in and out his backside like a pro. He gripped tightly on to her bedsheets as she breathed on his neck and whispered sweet nothings into his ear.

That would have been fine enough to him- trying something new and expanding his idea of what sex cold feel like would have been perfectly fine. Then he felt Posey's hooves slowly creep around his thighs and move closer and closer to his dick which was rock hard and aching for release.

He hadn't touched it sexually for weeks and Posey's light touch felt like it was incased in velvet. "Posey, what are you doing?"

Posey slowed down and lightly ran her hooves over it for a brief moment. "Do you want me to stop doing that?"

Sprout breathed out. A flood of emotions ran through his mind. Maybe he wasn't ready. He closed his eyes and thought carefully, weighing his decision of its pros and cons. He gritted his teeth as he could still hear his inner thoughts provide a running commentary in Rosedust's bitter tones. "No, I think I'm good." He didn't feel bad about it, sure it felt weird to be touched and wanted after all that had happened. He had been around a few too many Canterlogic rallies, hearing ponies that were used in that way described as broken goods. But with Posey he could feel raw and unfocused and still feel okay. Not perfect, but okay. "Keep going."

Posey leaned down and kissed his neck. "I'll do it slow." Her hooves ran over his body in waves as she thrust into him, their bodies in a rhythm of lust and want that, even after a few weeks of nothing, had came back in a blaze of glory. Sprout bit his lip as waves of sensations that he had only dreamed about hit him, Posey's own moans echoing his as they both neared climax.

It took mere minutes for Posey's hooves to milk him of all the pent up seed within him. He didn't remember the exact moment he shot his first of many loads but he came back to reality right after and groaned as the bedding under him was soaked and sticky from her deft hooves. He felt her body ease off of him and his insides felt empty again, or at least back to normal as the dildo slid out.

"Sorry, I made a mess." Sprout waited for his mare to say something mean or start yelling at him. His mother had ingrained so much shame in him when it came to messes that he flinched slightly as he felt Posey's hoof on his face. Then he felt her soft lips on his and he melted into her embrace. The two earth ponies spent what felt like an eternity locked in each others touch, breaking off the contact for needed air.

Posey stared into Sprout's beautiful green eyes and shook her head. "I kind of expected the mess. Though it definitely exceeded expectations." She glanced over her soaked sheets, the strong smell of cum filling the room. "Tells me these two unruly balls have to be carefully controlled. I only have so many bedsheets to switch out." Posey grinned. "Just kidding, but I'm being serious when I say your equipment felt bigger in my hooves."

Sprout blanched at the thought of that. He already had ingrained self conscious fears about the size of his junk. "That's a bad thing, right? That sounds like a bad thing."

Posey shrugged. "I think it sounds fun. Now let's strip this bed before the cum soaks into it. I have a few spare sets of sheets for this kind of thing, though the last unfortunate stallion I did this with didn't get close to your virile load there." Posey grinned and patted Sprout's cute head, his confused eyes trying to figure out if she was mad at him or not. "I'm saying you keep impressing me Sprout, which is supposed to be a difficult thing to do. Oh and we need to both take a shower. I'm fine with lazing about but cum drying on a coat like yours just tends to mat together. And I doubt you'd like me using scissors anywhere near your junk."

Sprout frowned. "Didn't have to imagine that horrible idea." He leaned in and kissed Posey on the cheek. "I'll clean up and you can open the weird fruit basket my mom got us. Its probably not poisoned at least- I prefer pizza but with how I used to have a slight issue drinking far too many of Sunny's fruit smoothies, she wouldn't touch it. Can't have the future Canterlogic president die in a freak fruit accident."

Posey chuckled. "Dark, but I guess. And now I might have to keep an eye on Sunny."

Sprout shook his head. "Doubt it. Sounds like she's preoccupied with Izzy now. Don't worry about it."

***

"What the fuck?"

Posey had opened the card included with the large fruit basket and her mood had soured immediately. She had thought the lumpy things in the envelope were some bits or something minor. Then she had found out what they were- teeth. She breathed slowly as she stared at the pictures that fell out after.

She knew these ponies well enough, even in their bruised and battered state.

Posey quickly read the clipped and trite lines that told her all she needed to know.

"Could have extended your community service, Miss Bloom, I was this close to having Hitch do that. Maybe the two of us are more alike than I care to admit, but I try to protect Sprout the best I can. And so I took these two in my own hooves to meter out a sense of justice. Sorry for the pictures, I tried to get them to smile but for some reason they were unable to. Sad. Say hello to Sprout for me. Cheers."

Posey heard the shower water stop and she quickly gathered up the pictures and ripped them up as fast as she could, the violence on display becoming harder to see in the torn up scraps that remained. She unwrapped the fruit basket and stared at the teeth sitting coldly on the hardwood table.

"Fuck."

Posey wrapped them up and tossed them deep in the trash can.

Sprout walked into the room, his mane still wet from the shower. "Everything okay?" Posey had to admit, even in her nervous state, that even wet, Sprout still looked great. And as she tried to distance herself from the horrors in her trash, she wondered if Sprout had been working out slightly. He looked better than before. Maybe it was all the boning. She almost chuckled at that thought and then was brought back to reality as he walked closer to the fruit basket. "Wow, usually skimps out on these. Outside of a new business opportunity, she never pulls out this basket. Huh, odd."

Posey tried to smile. "Yeah. Odd. Well let's not let this go to waste." Posey got up and grabbed some plates from the cupboard. She'd never tell Sprout what his mother wrote or included in the basket. He was doing better and mentioning it to him would just cause him more trouble and pain. She gripped the plates tightly and breathed out slowly as Mrs. Cloverleaf's words came back to her- "maybe the two of us are more alike than we care to admit."

As Posey set down the plates and stared plating the fruit, carefully following Sprout's fruit preferences, trying to rebuild a sense of normalcy after a tragedy that still hung in the air. . .Posey had to admit that in some way, she was similar to that terse letter and violent picture in the trash.

She would do anything for Sprout just to keep him happy.

Out In The Open

Haven stared down at the sights of Maretime Bay. She had wanted to rush over and ask ever so nicely what her precious Pipp was doing on the internet as soon as Zipp broke the news, but it was impossible to move around her schedule even a jot as ruling was a matter of perspective. If she decided to go off and fix this slight issue- her Pipp was gifted and wonderful and all that, but she was naïve and running headlong into a sexual tryst- it would be costly. Wonderful in theory, but costly. She knew that from experience and while she got two wonderful mares as compensation for her labors, there was as mucg heartache and pain that any relationship had within. There had also been great amounts of joy within her loving marriage, but relationships took a clear head and good amounts of work. And dear sweet Pipp was rather temperamental.

Haven hoped that arriving unannounced in this section of Equestria would be fine. Unlike Alphabittle who loved her company for a myriad of reasons, Phyllis Cloverleaf had never liked her one bit. A judicious difference of opinions between the both of them made them unable to see eye to eye on numerous societal issues. But when one party decides that burning effigies and handing out propaganda about racial purity was a great idea. . .well, Haven found she couldn't get past that.

"Your Majesty, we are ready to land at your discretion. Where exactly would you like to disembark?" Zoom's voice came in loud and clear from her small microphone that was included for each and every personal Royal Guard of theirs. The discreet technology was hidden in their helmets and It had been Pipp's idea since she had many of her backup dancers were drawn from the Pegasi Guards. She had called it a "retrofitted two way microphone and Zipp had provided the schematics. It had been one of the last times the pair of ponies had worked on a project together. She felt the small microphone next to her ear and smiled. She thought of her daughters every time she used it.

"Thank you, Zoom. While we are in the less regal version of the Royal Carriage, I think landing at that Crystal Brighthouse that Pipp and Zipp reside at currently is accetable." Haven felt a twinge at her own breast as she wondered if Pipp still lived there. Haven had herself moved quickly in love and marriage and while it wasn't a three week affair, it had been a real scandal.

She had raised her daughters to he best of her ability and like how she saw Zipp as so much like her father, Pipp was so much like her. And that made her worry. Pipp would probably be a wonderful Queen- but Haven had to temper her own moral failings with age and wisdom. While it was a tradition that the eldest would inherit, she had almost decided to make Pipp her first heir. . .bucking tradition for the modern age.

And then Pipp was just too much like her.

"I hope this isn't too sudden. I hadn't even sent a missive of my intentions to visit the either of them."

***

Sprout carefully adjusted his reading glasses and sighed. He had spent most of his free time in the last week or so reading through Canterlogic's different rules and regulations- addendums and proposed bylaws included to find some kind of loophole that his mother and her lackeys had forgotten about. He had hoped that his grandfather's laws would be antiquated enough to be useful but unless he wanted to appoint a duelist and propose a fight to the death for the control of Canterlogic. . .his mother had been rather thorough with her wordings. And outside of a no confidence ruling or a fully catastrophic restructuring due to gross mismanagement, his mother would probably stay in power.

He placed his glasses on his desk and groaned. "So honor duels are out because knowing Mother, she'd force Posey to fight and that has multiple problems there. And I can't use the normal "breach of common decency" morality clauses that some Zephyr Heights conglomerates use to corral upper management. I've seen Mother hold mock hangings for the public good and then have us all take commemorative photos. How do I take down somepony who's normalized that? Even Sunny had her own issues in combating Maretime Bay's insular issues. . ."

He would have continued to wallow in the futility of it all but a loud banging came from the front door and it startled him out of his thoughts. He glanced at the clock and, seeing that it was too early for Posey to be up yet, Sprout rose to his hooves. "Coming. Coming." He shuffled his papers together again and cantered over to the door. "Who is it?"

Pipp's voice wavered through the shut door. "Sprout, let me in. Please."

Odd. While he wasn't doubting it was Pipp on the other side, he hadn't heard the popstar's voice like that before. She was usually full of confidence and was usually slightly annoying with the way she spoke. But she sounded oddly normal. Terse even. If that was Pipp on the other side of the door and not some shapeshifting menace that sounded like her, it was a major problem.

Sprout unlocked the door and before he could let Pipp in, the pink pegasus pushed open the door herself and slammed it shut behind her. Pipp looked barely put together, her golden hairband absent and her hair uncharacteristically messy. She nervously paced about with an eye always at the door behind her.

Sprout tried to cut the tension with a simple question. "Uh, hello there, Pipp, what can I. . .and Posey once she wakes up. . .do for you? I mean not like I hate surprise appearances but its barely eight in the morning and that isn't your schedule. Though Hitch might have told me wrong."

Pipp's eye twitched. "Oh you know. The usual. Princess things. That's what I'm doing. Not totally worried that for some reason my own mother is here in Maretime Bay. Right now. And she didn't warn us, and that's never a good thing cause if she's off her routine, there's only a few things it could be. A surprise nice visit where Zipp and I have some fun with her and bond over things. Zipp hates those. But the other reason is that she knows. Zipp told her and she. . .freaking. . .knows about Hitch and all of that stuff."

Sprout rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah. That. Posey mentioned that. Your sister had this whole issue last week? Week and a half ago. . .with Posey and she solved it by forcing the issue. So yeah your mom already knew about it. Plus you two weren't exactly subtle about it. Uploading porn to the internet of the two of you would have sooner or later caused issues- especially since Hitch and your mother met at least once with the whole "Thanks for Bringing Magic Back Ceremony" she held.

Pipp stared blankly at Sprout. "Oh no, no, no, no, no. That is so much worse. It'd be one thing if she learned of it a day or two ago. She wouldn't have time to stew in her anger. But nearly two whole weeks of her obsessing over it. I'm so dead and Hitch is extra dead."

Sprout sighed. "Sit down and relax. You want something to eat? Posey and I don't have much outside of pizza stuff and ice cream- we know what we like and all that and we're both adults and adding vegetables to pizza is a nice alternative to using so many pans- maybe we have some breakfast stuff. . .I think." He hadn't gone to the market to buy anything with Posey for weeks since a part of him knew that if he did, the town would gossip about it and parts of the town already did a bit too much talking about Posey and him already. He didn't mind too much since he was totally fine with the stuff Posey chose anyway. It wasn't like his mother would barge in and make a scene about his food choices. Well. he figured she might, but with how Posey and his mother mutually despised each other, a nice equilibrium had formed. So random pizza and ice cream it was. He wasn't complaining and as Posey put it rather delicately, they were burning all those extra calories by fucking.

Maybe things would change once a baby actually was more real to the both of them, but for now it was doing just fine. Their current living situation was like an oasis of mutual understanding. Their lives really only got complicated the moment they stepped out the door. Or in the current situation, a certain princess barged in and placed her issues on the table.

Pipp tapped her hooves together. "I wouldn't mind it, but I doubt you have a triple chocolate mocha coffee in there. Or maybe a quiche. Or an omelet with bechamel sauce and infused with herbs."

Sprout frowned. "I know what those are, sure, but I've never had most of those. And I doubt Posey of all ponies would have something that fits your princess tastes. We might have some chocolate cereal instead.

Pipp twitched slightly. "That will be just fine."

***

Posey sighed as she listened to the hurried explanation of Pipp's as the three ponies walked into view of the Crystal Brighthouse and its large doorway. "So all I have to do is entertain your mother? Why again do I have to do this? Sure, I've become oddly used to waking up and doing really stupid plans in the name of community service but this is a new low. Even if Hitch might be held hostage by your own actions. Which we don't know if he is or not."

Pipp huffed and stared at the pair of earth ponies. "Yeah, well, while sex is the most mindblowing experience I have ever experienced, I thought that maybe we wouldn't ever broach this subject and that if any known issues came up we could work those out."

Posey shook her head at that. "Fine, but you and your sister need to learn how to actually talk to your mother. Seriously how hard can she be?" Posey opened the door to the Brighthouse and quickly figured out that at least at first glance, Queen Haven was rather good at her job. Or at least she could act intimidating on command.

Haven sat comfortably on one of the couches that took up the main room of the Brighthouse, her posture both regal and relaxed in how she looked about the room and commented on every little nook and cranny she could see from her perch. "Izzy, if you had told me that you were Sneaksy, I might have approved a Bridlewood delegation of artists much faster than I did. Though after looking around your little place here I should have seen the signs. Artistic bits of color choice and the way each stroke or use of your canvas is a hint of intent. Your creative nook is so you," She briefly smiled at the slightly nervous Izzy. "I might have to commission you for something later. Thunder, please provide the mare with my contact details later so we can catch up- especially since this isn't the time or place to exchange such pleasantries. . .don't you agree, Hitch?"

Hitch sat on the other couch, flanked by both of Haven's personal guards, their armor shining under the artificial lights and faint hints of wingblades glinting in their plumage. Two weighty bladed polearms crisscrossed in front of Hitch and prevented his escape from this decidedly unpleasant talking to.

"Pipp consented to the whole thing. She even was the one who brought up the recording of it. I said it might be a bad idea. . .we're both rather important so I thought filming it from the waist up on my end would be a good thing." Hitch's face went through a myriad of emotions as he tried to place how exactly the news had been broken. "Did Canterlogic tell you or did you cross reference my physicals. . .because Canterlogic demands photo evidence for every physical. You could have figured out which worker it was just by the photos they take of everyone's. . .junk. It's for breeding purposes. At least I think it is." He looked down slightly ashamed that the thought had crossed his mind.

Haven looked at him with a scowl. "How uncouth of them. But no, while I could go on all day about my dear Phyllis and her racial hangups and hatreds, I had a much easier time with you two. Let's not ask if Dear Leader aborts any racial miracles. She was always one to take her proclivities too far." Haven cleared her throat and sighed. "No matter. Zipp provided me the evidence and while she was rather reticent on these events- taking an entire month before spilling the news. . .I have to say that while I disprove of her choice of username on these horrible forums," she shot a look at Zipp who blushed and looked away. "I think 'HappyEndings6969' did enough for our purposes."

Pipp charged in and stared daggers at her sister. "That was you? You've been an hundred bit a month subscriber for nearly an entire year. I did videos for you about a whole number of topics that I don't even like. Seriously you made me watch videos on how to fly made by you. And sports. You called yourself a Zippster. Which is weird cause I keep hearing from ponies that you hate that. So what is it? Do you like the nickname I gave your fans or not?"

Zipp stammered out a hurried mess of words in her defense.

Haven raised a hoof and turned to look at the new arrivals. "And here is my rather wonderful daughter and the whole matter of the affair. And I can talk to you later Sprout, we can catch up on a whole number of things." Haven moved to Posey and her expression of confidence that had been cultivated for nearly three decades on the throne faltered for a brief moment as she was thrown back to fillyhood for a brief moment. She breathed slowly to regain herself and nodded at the spitting image of a phantom. She had known her first royal guard had moved to this town due to the letters sent back and forth, but to see it so plain made her heart flutter for a brief moment. She breathed out and let her motive for being here hide her excitement. "And you, I don't know your name yet, but if my daughter decided to drag you along, I guess you must be important."

Posey nodded, hoping that the Queen was more stable than her daughters.

***

Haven held up a hoof for a moment. "Zoom, Thunder, drop the weapons. While I'm perfectly fine with intimidating a stallion because some of them do not get the hint that mares aren't playthings to toy around with, it seems we can all act like perfectly reasonable ponies." She swept her eyes around the room at Pipp, Sprout, and Posey who had each taken a seat on different chairs. "I'd offer to give you adults tea or brandy, but alas, unlike Bridlewood's inhabitants, I can't cast that form of magic. . .Izzy be a dear and supply our friends here some refreshments."

Izzy demurely nodded and skittered around the room trying to work the coffee machine as quietly as possible.

Haven crossed her hooves in thought as she searched Pipp's face for an answer to this conundrum- she had given everything to her daughter, tried to foster a world where she could be whatever she wanted, listened to her rant and rave about technology she barely understood or could even turn on, and yet here she sat with her little Princess untangling a stallion issue. She could hear the words from her own mother echoing from the grave. "So have you been using protection? Or a pill? Because while I'm decidedly not like Cloverleaf. . ." she glanced over at Sprout, who uncomfortably shuffled in his chair. "Sorry about your mother. . .but while I'm not her, you can have any child this tryst may produce no matter if its a pegasi, earth pony, or even somehow a unicorn. . .I can't understand why you chose him of all ponies."

Hitch sat there confused. "What does that mean. I'll have you know I was voted Maretime Bay's most eligible bachelor. Though that wasn't of my own choosing."

Haven rolled her eyes. "Of course it wasn't. But I was talking to Pipp here. Why. I mean I get not wanting to be with Sprout. That choice of suitor wasn't on my radar originally, that was an attempt at a white flag with Canterlogic. But I tried adding your whims and hobbies into it after that first attempt: Zephyr Heights' most eligible author of the macabre. Then multiple attempts at musicians, dancers. . .even "influencers" though most of those ponies were rather heinous when I ran background checks. I was close to asking Alphabittle for help in this dating dilemma of yours since he. . .seems rather knowledgeable. . about unicorn matters. . .and he could widen my search for a potential partner of yours." Haven stumbled over her words for a moment as she tried to gather her thoughts. "Uh, I thought of everything I could to make this work and the first stallion you meet in this town just so happens to be compatible. He's decidedly average in comparison to the pegasi models I looked through."

Pipp's face flushed crimson, not with pleasure but with rage as she stared down her mother. "Yeah, well I chose him and he's perfectly fine to me. There's some flaws that I might not care for- his complete inability to watch scary movies, his failure as a public speaker. His abs." Pipp threw up her hooves in disgust. "I don't even know why all of Maretime Bay cares about that trash. They are great and all but I don't boil down Hitch to a nice pair of abs. If I wanted a pony with abs, I'd have dated my backup dancers. Electric Blue's members date fans and each other all the time. No tabloids lose their mind whenever any one of them date a pony they work with. But no, the moment I date somepony of my own choosing, you beat down the door and hold him hostage."

"But I-"

Pipp glared at her mother. "You want to know why I am dating him? Sure the sex is nice and the bits are rolling in, five, even ten times as much. But I chose him cause he has a real good heart, charisma by the spades, and most of all a house. You think I don't sometimes lose my mind when Zipp or Izzy or Sunny has some weird hangup that day and, as a roommate, I have to listen to their problems. Love the three of them but sometimes I need a house away from the crazy stuff they cook up. And most of your suitor choices, mother, were rich beyond measure, but most of them didn't have a house." Pipp got up and stomped off in a huff, everypony else had gone silent since the pop diva rarely popped off.

With a final loud slam, Pipp left the Brighthouse.

"As one of the three Pipp mentioned, I get it. Sometimes I get in the crafting mood and focus so hard on that. Or Sunny and I relax by trying out magic, that gets fun and exciting. Though our bed budget sometimes runs low when Sunny's alicorn strength kicks in. So who wants coffee?" Izzy shrugged and floated over the coffee.

Sunny uncomfortably felt the myriad eyes of everypony fall on her for a brief moment. "I do. I definitely want some coffee now."

***

Sprout stared up at Mane Melody and grimaced. Posey had set up this whole plan to fix, or at least bridge this issue and she had decided that sending him to talk to Pipp would be far easier than having her do it. He didn't mind, he could handle Pipp at times- while he didn't like walking into M.M. because it felt a bit too friendly at times- too focused on selling him a makeover and he was perfectly happy with how he looked. He didn't need a hooficure or a dye job or any variation of care to feel perfectly content. They might be nice, but Posey was perfectly happy raving about his looks and attributes just fine.

"This is going to suck." He pressed forward and heard the bell announcing his presence. "Is anypony here? I want to talk to Pipp about some things. I brought pizza." That wasn't a lie, he had walked to the pizza place in town and bought some. Sure it was awkward because he still remembered far too well how his relationship started with Posey right there in the booths, but a gift of food greased many a business proposition. Or an apology.

Jazz smiled ever so briefly. "We're closed. I told Rocky to lock up since it was an emotional emergency, but it seems he got slightly distracted." She sighed. "He's rather new about Pipp's mercurial moods. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart."

Sprout stared at the rather large hair salon. "So you're going to close shop for the day because of this. Seems like a terrible idea for business."

Jazz laughed. "That can happen because Mane Melody is what Pipp calls a side hustle- she makes more bits in an hour via sponsorships, podcasts, livestreams, and her perfume business than this makes in a month. This is her hobby and creative outlet. She keeps pestering me with ideas about future projects- feather dye products being one of them. Which is such a headache. Have you even tried dyeing pegasi feathers? They are built to wick away moisture and all that. It's a bloody nightmare."

"So Pipp. . .can I talk to her?" Sprout would have loved to talk business since he had been raised since birth to see an opportunity and grasp it firmly by his mother's coaching. But time was of the essence and he suspected that Posey was having a terrible time with the blubbering mess that Haven was when he left the Brighthouse.

Jazz rolled her eyes. "Would you even leave if I said no? Can't call the cops since from what I could infer from Pipp's hurried explanation that her mother has Hitch in a situation. Plus I can't even call Canterlogic cause I still think even if your mom hates you, you can't be arrested by them, family privilege and all that." Jazz sighed. "Damn it, I told Pipp that this would be terrible for business- sure we get sponsors from Bad Kirin and the like but I knew that Queeny would lose her mind. She did that when Zipp and Pipp moved here, she did it when Zipp learned to fly. Goes on and on further back than I know- probably a mama bird worried about the chicks leaving the nest situation." She waved a hoof. "Go on, though be careful. Pipp loves throwing hooves when she's in a mood."

Sprout carefully walked through the mess of Pipp's relaxing sanctuary, stepping over pillows and perfume bottles, computers and clothing racks. He slid up to what he thought was Pipp. He thought the hastily made pillow fort that had a faint glimmer of light shining from within was enough to confirm Pipp's presence.. He tapped gently on the pillow to show that he was there.

"Go 'way." A pained moan came from within. "If it's Jazz, leave the food. Anypony else, I refuse to talk."

Sprout smiled and opened the box of pizza he had. letting his hooves push the hot pizza smell into the impenetrable pillow fort. "An offering."

He could hear Pipp fumble about in her cavernous abode and a pink hoof snaked out the crack of the pillow fort and felt the stiff cardboard box. In one swift motion, the pop princess snatched the whole pizza away into the depths of her plush fort and Sprout waited. He had learned this particular trick when Posey was rather miffed at him- it didn't happen often- but when it did, all he had to do was appease her with food and it usually made things bearable.

"Want to talk about it? What was it about Blue Fantasy?"

Pipp grumbled and a green eye peered out. "Not really. But we can talk about other things. And it was Electric Blue, only the hottest pegasi modern rock band in existence. Sure there's the Sky Knights and Fear of Falling and Motionless Rainbows, but those were old school, back when electric guitars were newer and wing technique was not a thing. Then boom, Electric Blue comes on and they made wing tapping a thing."

Sprout cocked his head. He had expected Pipp to have knowledge about music- at least a rudimentary one since he had been forced by Hitch to listen to her music in what the orange earth pony called "bonding sessions" but he never would have expected her to like something out of her genre. "-you like rock music?"

Pipp briefly nodded. "I did flirt with an idea to be a heavy metal star when I was younger. Zipp kept talking about all these new bands and how cool they were and one thing led to another. Mother was completely aghast when I came dressed up as the lead singer of Swish. The rainbow face paint and a foal's attempt at a wing dye job probably ruined the Manesqurade Ball. Though she seemed totally fine with it at first. Then once the guards told her who I was, well it shifted."

"What do you mean?"

Pipp bitterly laughed. "That's when I learned she's. . .what did the doctor call it. . .face blind. If I had become a rock star- the way I wanted to, she'd probably never realize who I was on stage and that hurt. She rave and rally against my rockstar persona and flip moods I'd be her little princess. It would be stress city and terrible for my mood. And we can't have the princess of the Heights talking about downing the system. It was devastating once I realized I couldn't combine my love of makeup with the freedom I felt playing rock music. Cause I was really happy in that moment. You know how hard it is to be nine and have reality come knocking?" Pipp breathed out. "I've always wanted to find something that brought me the joy I felt back then. And being Princess Pipp and having an adoring mass of fans feels nice, but its sometimes hollow. Like they love the idea of me and they don't care about the real pony on the inside." Pipp glanced out at Sprout. "And yes, I know that Hitch has a whole shrine to me too, but he's really sweet and the time we've had together is. . .like that brief moment of joy I had when I was little. Bright, exciting, and fleeting. Not exactly the same, but close."

Sprout stayed silent for a moment, taken aback that Pipp wasn't some vapid mess. He felt a twinge of pain as he remembered the last musicians he knew, quietly thanking that Pipp was nothing like them. "Have I told you that I love rock music. I mean Posey likes it too but she didn't make a whole rock opera when she was leader of a mob. I did. Even had basic choreography down." He chuckled. He hadn't thought of his time as Maretime Bay's first and, currently, only dictator by choice in a positive way before. But letting the creativity take hold of him was nice. He had let his Canterlogic pride get the best of him and he had driven the town to a religious fervor- he still couldn't look at some ponies since he knew what they had gotten up to. But at least he still had the hastily written music to show for it. "It wasn't pretty."

Pipp popped her head out and stared at him, her mood shifting immediately. "Tell me everything. Cause that sounds like my jam. Spill it. I mean I know what happens and all but interviews are my thing on my podcast and the Posey one did numbers. And I'm all for gossip and speculation, listening to the hot new tea makes me feel better and with how I'm feeling, I need some spicy info. Can I record it?"

***

Posey sipped the coffee that Izzy had provided and tried to mute Haven's blubbering nonsense. She'd deal with that after she drank this coffee- Izzy had a way with coffee and the rich dark flavors of the roast woke her up and kept her focused on what truly mattered. She tipped it back and set the cup down, crossing her hooves in thought. Plan A didn't work. Ignoring the queen's plight had just made her cry even louder. Plan B hadn't worked either- Zoom and Thunder had rolled out the karaoke machine and it had devolved into a sobfest of "No Hugs" and "Parents Suck", both good songs by the Dreamlands but it wasn't the time or place to wallow in misery.

She groaned. Maybe she was getting too sentimental in her advancing pregnancy, but Posey knew she had to step in for one reason. And that was everypony else sucked at telling it straight. Sunny was a pushover, Izzy was nuts, Zipp was avoiding eye contact with her mother, and Hitch was still frozen due to him probably thinking Haven would order his execution.

Hopefully Sprout was doing better with Pipp, though with how flighty that mare was, she didn't expect much.

"Equestria to its one and hopefully only queen." She hadn't asked Sprout the logistics of Equestrian politics, so she hoped she was correct. "Can you stop bawling into your fainting pillow and actually hold a conversation?" Direct confrontation was Posey's strong suit and while most of Maretime Bay thought of her as the bitch supreme, at least she cut through most of the red tape of propriety. "You want a. . .thing to fix your face cause your makeup is all messed up."

Haven looked up puzzled at the comment and glanced at a nearby mirror. She looked terrible, her bleary eyes and ruined makeup making her look more like a racoonicorn than a pony, dark rings of purplish black makeup smeared itself over her coat. If the tabloids could see her now it would probably be a mess of libel and slander, but she tried to breathe slowly. She knew that tone of voice so well and now she was certain she was staring at a ghost.

"Equestria to Zephyr Height's only princess. You want a tissue? Or a shoulder to cry on for your totally real stallion issues? Or do you want to talk about your horrible mother?"

Haven let the memory pass and carefully dabbed at her eyes with a hooferchief. "I'm sorry, I'm not usually this bad."

Posey shrugged. "Seen worse. You should see Sprout when a romance movie hits its final moments, he's there sobbing like a baby. Honestly with the hassle of all that." Posey waved a hoof at Haven's face. "-I just don't really wear makeup. For that and if I work up a sweat, I'd just blind myself cause damn."

Haven shivered at the tone of voice this mare was using in her presence. Most ponies saw her station and deferred to a sense of proper decorum, their bows more reflex than true belief, but still she entered a room and there was silence. That was normal. That was expected. There hadn't been somepony who talked to her truly as an equal- barring her late husband- in decades. And the pony in front of her reminded her too much of Skyflower.

Haven breathed out and composed herself, pushing down her flood of tears. Alphabittle could handle her hurt if she needed more of a tender hoof. "I dare not to ask such a probing question, but who are you related to?" She was pretty sure, but to have her suspicions confirmed by the horses mouth would solidify it.

Posey cocked her head in confusion. She had prepared talking points to handle each and every sob story she could imagine a royal pain to whine about, but getting jabbed with that question threw her off her groove. She was not used for crying ponies to hug her. She was "Skyflower Zeph. . ." Posey didn't get to finish that sentence as the pink mare glomped her in a strong hug that surprisingly hurt a lot. "Did I misread the situation or not?"

Haven let go for a moment, her cheeks blushing crimson. "I. . .uh. . it's a long story. You have time or, if not, I can invite you to Zephyr Heights. Though I doubt Phyllis would love that."

Posey rolled her eyes and waved a hoof. "Love to but I'd rather focus on the here and now currently. So did you get most of the whole bawling your eyes out finished cause I have other stuff we could do. Namely get Pipp's attention. Give me a moment and I'll text Sprout my plans. . .oh and fuck her, sorry, sorry, royal niceness and all. Once we get this mess over and done with I bet Sprout and I'd love a vacation. I'm not going to agree to it until we get this thing sorted."

***

Pipp leaned back on her fort of pillows and felt way better. She rarely let out her emotions since she was always on- an influencer's job was not difficult, just emotionally taxing. Breaking down and showing the mortal side of yourself when everypony had a camera caused issues. Moreso if you truly messed up and needed to apologize. Bottling up all her issues was easier in a way. And food helped. "Got any more of those churros or are we out?"

Sprout stared at the empty box that used to be full of sweets and shook his head. "Ran out. I tried looking for more since Posey usually likes stress eating too and nope."

Pipp sighed. That was probably a sign from somewhere that it was time to do something cause while her deceptively high metabolism made it so she could do things like this and not suffer as many consequences, she'd rather not fill the emotional hole with stuff. She learned some of that lesson when she had almost bankrupted herself buying designer horseshoes and where every meal was ice cream after a particularly bad album drop. She had gained like twenty pounds due to stress and constant eating. "Fine. What do you think I should do? You know besides actually talk to mother cause I really don't want to do that. Unless I have to."

Sprout shrugged and felt his phone vibrate. "One moment." He swiped through his phone and stared at his phone for a moment. "Okay, that's something. Hey, Pipp, so how bad would it be if your mom leaked your relationship status to your fans?"

Pipp's eye twitched. "She wouldn't. It'd hurt the whole system in Zephyr Heights, you know how many bits the crown gets from ponies thinking they could pay me enough to be my coltfriend? That's my whole tier 3 subs that don't realize that my porn tapes aren't staged. And that's on top of my internet posts that totally hinted that I was into Hitch. Some of my fans are really into me. And the merch sales would go down slightly. She'd crater the goodwill I helped rebuild after the whole debacle of us almost going to jail for outright societal fraud for like a whole decade. It'd be the nuclear option."

Sprout frowned. "-well Posey texted me that she's going to do that if you guys don't talk. That and imprison Hitch for improper royal encounters. Some ancient pegasi law? Something about defiling royal flowers and bridal prices plummeting. Posey seems confused in this text. That or your mom sucks at explaining things right now."

Pipp deflated and sighed. "But I had this whole thing planned out. Mope and write about the incredible pain I'm going through, then after things blow over in like a whole week I'd be able to talk to her without me worrying that she'd need the whole Royal Guard corps as backup. . ."

Sprout raised an eyebrow at that. "You'd take on all of those guys? I mean they seem ineffectual but that sounds implausible. Unless you know martial arts I doubt you could take on a royal battalion."

Pipp waved a hoof. "No. I'd just threaten a coup, it's much easier and she always backs down then. It's the theater of things and we both know actually going through with it would ruin the whole monarchy. Think of it as a really unhealthy way to show dissenting royal opinions. And it's not like I'd bring it to the net. There's ways to do it safely. . ."

Sprout rolled his eyes. "That seriously makes zero sense. You'd threaten a takeover because your feelings got hurt?"

Pipp crossed her hooves. "Not like you'd do any better or does Hitch telling me you got all serious recently tell me something other than 'family issues needing to be resolved via commercial intrigue' isn't on your plate."

Sprout blinked. "How did you. . ."

Pipp smiled. "This is why you could never beat me at chess. I could read you like a book. Well, it helps that after meeting your mother, I'd be down for some good old fashioned revolutionary change. Though I seem to be a vapid mess, I just play that part incredibly well. How else do you think I don't go all kooky dealing with the highs and lows of the music industry? Good lawyers help and being seen as weak and vapid makes ponies write me off as incredibly safe." Pipp got up and grimaced at her emotional binge. "Yeah, I should totally find a better way to deal with my feelings. . .the internet already debates if I'm chunky. Let's deal with this now. It's one thing to go through normal royal channels, its another to put Hitch in prison. What would his crime even be? Sexually blowing my mind? Like passionate sex is a crime. If I was Queen I'd make bad sex a crime. The sheer pleasure foreplay gave me made the whole second act way better."

Sprout cringed. "Can you just stop talking about sex, please? I still have the image of you two doing it on his desk on my mind."

Pipp smirked. "We totally go at it like rabbits, Sprout, that's what my mother wants to take away. Hot, passionate, unstoppable banging."

Sprout gagged.

The pink pegasi princess covered her mouth with a cloudlike wing as she tried to stifle a laugh. "Couldn't resist. Plus the few stories Posey shared with me to explain how sex worked? You two get up to way freakier stuff than us. I had to ask the internet what half the terms she mentioned even were. Heck, I had to look up thicc once because ponies wouldn't stop commenting it on my posts. I had no clue what Posey was talking about until I looked up porn. Those were some horrifying images." She breathed out and composed herself. "Okay, okay, game face." She glanced in a mirror and sighed. "Terrible game face at that- barely even have makeup on. Give me five minutes and we can deal with this like responsible ponies."

***

Haven closed her eyes and breathed out, slowly counting to ten and wishing that Alphabittle was here to handle this madness. Though if he was, that would open a whole other can of worms- the pair of them had kept their relationship out of the tabloids and quiet. Introducing a new relationship of hers while dealing with her daughter's very own relationship issues would just be hypocritical. "Why is Hitch hanging upside down? And what's with the costumes."

Posey smiled as she carefully slid into the spandex and cape, grunting softly as she slid the costume along her baby bump. "These aren't mine if you are asking. Ask Casanova here why he made superhero costumes."

Hitch swayed like a pendulum back and forth from the sheriff's office second floor. "I'm going to be sick, Posey, let me down. And who hasn't wanted to be a superhero? It's a cool power fantasy and I barely even remember making them since it was during that whole time Sparky was missing. I wasn't even thinking straight. I worried myself into a tizzy and made them."

Posey rolled her eyes. "Stallions and their silly ideas. Now we just have to wait for my favorite stallion and Pipp. Can somepony help me with the zipper, somepony made these costumes have zip up backs instead of the side. Thunder don't give me that look, Sunny's friends work out their problems in dumb ways, this makes sense. Anyway you and Zoom helped Hitch out for the search for his dumb dragon- as Sprout explained it to me, all three of you looked ridiculous."

Haven mentally noted that. She was totally fine with the pair of pegasi doing what they did together- Zoom and Thunder were her two best guards in the whole force and worked fantastic as a unit. She just didn't expect it from Thunder to join in some oddity like this. He was usually the pony who balanced out Zoom's reckless ideas.

***

Phyllis stared dumbfounded at the cameras that sat across from the Sheriff's Office. She had been pulled out of a perfectly nice quiet lunch thinking of ways to try to work out her son's issues. A good mother would figure out multiple plans to ease out her children's terrible ideas. She wasn't nervous about the silence coming from Sprout or his madcap mare. Fear wasn't in her vocabulary. "You're telling me Haven entered my town without ringing me up and warning me about it? It's sure nice I hadn't planned any pro earth pony rallies this week. Imagine if she entered the food pantries and did an audit on food quality. And that's before Alphabittle has been pressing me for more unicorn acceptance and trade. Sweets, also tell me why our dear Sheriff is trussed up like that?"

Sweets uncomfortably fidgeted, the pink earth pony running a hoof through her mane as she tried to come up with a graceful reason. "Uh, well, you know how you like keeping tabs on all of Canterlogic branded or affiliated workers in the Bay? There's this one thing that might, just might, be the reason he's like that."

Phyllis turned to her assistant slowly. "Which is what? You usually keep me abreast of all situations, Sweets, you're my front line of defense between law and order and the dismantling of traditional values. What, pray tell, is bad enough for you not to tell me before we have some nonsense where Sprout's whore is dressing up in spandex like a complete menace to society."

Sweets tapped her hooves together. "Hitch broke rule nine in the company code. The new addendum rules with the nicer language to fit current Unity standards."

Phyllis took off her glasses as she tried to remember the nicer rules. "Let's see rule nine. Company relations. Haven's brood isn't related to the company, there would be no reason why the idiot is trussed up like a prize hog. . ." Phyllis blinked since she remembered exactly what rule nine was before the purge. "You can't be fucking kidding. That's why Haven's here, he screwed one of her abhorrent daughters. Probably not the older one, always gave me butch vibes that one did. Of course she didn't provide a courtesy call, she pulled royal prerogative on me. Curse father for providing the Heights with that olive branch."

Sweets nodded. "There's video evidence too, ma'am. Should I fire him after this or not? The whole dating outside of your race thing is a well documented rule set by you. Keeps the bloodlines pure. Going by the rule, he should be canned immediately and a replacement set in place."

Phyllis' eye twitched, the last few weeks had been a nightmare on her sanity. From the Filly Four debacle that she had messily fixed to this, she could feel her grip on Maretime Bay slipping. "And what? Replace him with my dear son who has his own issues? Plus the town adores Hitch and his stupid charisma. He pays for the law enforcement budget via his stupid calendars. Tell him to keep his relationship quiet."

Sweets frowned. "Looking at the videos we can't do that. The pink princess filmed it all. It's probably going to hit the news so . . ." Sweets cowered as she waited for Phyllis' rage to bubble up. She had been working as her assistant for so long that she could tell immediately when the older mare was on the last of her rope and she was near it.

Phyllis breathed out and punched through her desk, snapping the hard wood with a well placed strike. "Leave and call R&D. Maybe they have a bot or something that can deal with that. I know the scientists blow our budgets on stupid ideas. Earth, they probably have something built from the last time they indulged their mad science. Let them handle it. And if they somehow beat it, doubtful, have a scapegoat ready to go. Say a water main broke or a oil leak. Ponies eat that up."

Sweets bowed and cantered out of the room as fast as possible.

***

Pipp stared at the sight in front of her and wished that she had a livestream going. "Posey, we got your text and while I was expecting something mondo crazy cause its Maretime Bay and I walk two feet and step into what Sunny calls a 'Friendship Issue' but this is a bit much. I get Mother and her theatrical vibes, I expected that Even Zoom and Thunder since they helped Hitch find Sparky that one time. . . but you don't seem too into dressing up like a goofball and holding my stallionfriend hostage."

Posey balanced herself carefully on her hind legs and wobbled slightly due to the odd posture before she pointed directly at the short pink princess. "And that's how this worked."

Sprout rolled his eyes. "You texted me, Pose. You didn't have to get the cosplay convention to draw us out."

Posey frowned. "Sprout. I had a whole villain speech planned, practiced it all and everything."

Sprout shrugged. "You probably did. You can show it to me later, in a better outfit. The Empress Posey one you sewed together- its kind of cute, if weird, that you made that, but it fits way better than that outfit. Though I love the view, leaves very little to the imagination. Two hooves up."

Posey rolled her eyes. "I'm like three months pregnant and I'm shocked this thing fit."

Pipp facehooved. "While I'd love hearing you two hit on each other can we please get Hitch down from there? He's looking really pale and I don't want to see what he looks like throwing up."

"Oh sure, Thunder can you-"

"By order of Canterlogic, please leave the streets. If you do not leave the streets, we are permitted to use force." A loudspeaker screeched to life and blared out a message that could be heard throughout Maretime Bay. "The Director of Canterlogic has ordered all ponies to return to their homes."

Posey cupped her hooves and yelled at Sprout, since the blaring siren and voice was making it hard to hear anything else. "Sprout, what in the world is going on?"

The red stallion shivered at the thought and readied for the worst. He didn't have an exact idea, but he had an inkling since it sounded like something he had come up with when he had been in control. The idea of martial law was a massive power trip to him and he had committed some rather heinous things in keeping the peace.

Though he hadn't realized it at first, he loved the power since it made ponies pay attention to him and take him seriously for the first time in a long, long time. And as the hairs raised on the back of his neck, he realized that while his Mother disavowed each and every single weapon he had dreamed up- she had kept the R&D department going. And those tinkerers were probably dying of boredom.

A smaller version of his Sprout Robot, painted industrial grey rolled through the town. It looked similar, but at a quick glance he could see slight improvements to its build quality since Sprout Maximus- he cringed at that name since it screamed "I need to get laid so bad " since he had secretly named it after his pet name for his dick- had been built haphazardly and under extreme duress since he had whipped up the entire town into thinking the pegasi and unicorns would invade and destroy the town any minute. The R&D team had seemingly refined his machine after six months of secrecy and Mother had decided to let them test it out.

He glanced at the odd superhero like ponies surrounding him and sighed. Mother had to be under a lot of stress, but it didn't allow her to turn a weapon of war onto them because she wanted order. He didn't know exactly if that was her reason, but years of listening to her talk about law and order and putting it firmly on a pedestal and having that ideal smashed to bits every time Sunny and her friends- and Posey fucking his brains out, to be fair- had to wear on her. And knowing how she ran the company, she was rather good at passing the blame to somepony else- he doubted even this mayhem would throw her out of Canterlogic. She had built a cult of personality around herself and she could do no wrong. If his mother could marry law and order, she would.

He had imagined asking Haven if she would be on his side if he did a vote of no confidence weeks and weeks from now- he had sketched out the general plan of things, a slow change here and there, getting ponies on his side. Asking the leaders of the other tribes to pull their deals. A nice and slow tumble of her house of cards. But his mother didn't work like that- she had a face that was magnanimous and nice but she could be quick to anger and so this giant robot fit her so very well.

"Are you freaking serious? There's another of those things?" Pipp crossed her hooves and pouted. "What is with you Cloverleafs and giant robots?"

"My grandsire was a mechanical genius. We Cloverleafs had built up the whole town, he had provided the spark to fully electrify it. Mother had other good ideas on our way to modernization- barring her earth pony first ideas, and I built weapons of war for like two weeks when Hitch left me in charge. Call it a familial flaw or a need to create. And Posey, I know you are giving me a look right now, but its not the time or place to comment on how how it is. We can talk about each and every idea I had while I was Emperor Sprout later, in private."

Posey shrugged. "Caught me. Okay, so how do we deal with a twenty foot tall robot?"

Sprout quickly looked around and sighed. "Cut down Hitch, we need everyone we can use for this. It's not going to be pretty, but here's the plan.

***

"So why did you stay back?" Haven cocked an eyebrow at her pristine pink daughter. She knew that Pipp wasn't a fan on danger like Zipp, but she knew her daughter's mercurial moods well enough that seeing her in the same room after such an emotional blowout would normally involve kicking and screaming or at least taking away her phone and electronics.

Pipp nervously swiveled back and forth in Hitch's desk chair. "I'm not in a giant robot mood. I wasn't in a supervillain mood either, but today is just not my day. I get Maretime Bay can be weird, but I'm fine with weird. Heck, I scroll through internet threads all the time where ponies chat about being possessed by ghosts, but I know my limits and dealing with whatever that is. . ." Pipp cautiously pointed at the large robot who currently was cutting a swathe through with a large amount of missiles, laser eyes, and massive tank treads. "Sunny and the rest of us dealt with one of those before, I'm all robot-ed out."

Haven sighed. "I'm sorry."

Pipp cocked her head. "For what exactly?"

Haven rolled her eyes. "You know. . .for all this. The holding your stallion hostage." Haven tapped her hooves together. "I've just been so busy and. . .distracted with my work. Helping connect Equestria in this new world of unity. . .though with how Phyllis seems to collect weapons of war for a rainy day, I expect our next few meetings will be particularly frosty. Or at least more frigid than usual. I just acted after seeing you in such a compromising position, online and all that rot, it was just a lot to take in. Though I should have seen this day come sooner or later. Zipp is an adult and while I definitely don't approve of her overall choices- primarily her excessive drinking and not her choices in mares, she's an adult. I guess I still thought of you as a foal still, or at least young enough to not deal with the weight of adult decisions."

Pipp hugged her mom tight. "Aw, that's oddly sweet. But a part of me will always be needing you, somewhat. You're still my mom and all and I might need random help or advice."

Haven breathed out. "That's good. Alphabittle told me I was probably overthinking things. I guess I was. He's rather good at calming me down after I overthink things."

Pipp's eye twitched. "What was that?"

***

Sprout skidded to a stop as he ducked behind a brick wall. This wasn't going particularly well and he hoped the town would be fine with rebuilding the entire town square since it now looked like a small warzone- the fountain that dominated the middle of it had cracked and it was currently spilling gallons upon gallons of water. He carefully checked his hooves for broken glass since the shockwaves from the explosives had shattered probably every pane of glass in a three block radius.

"Bad news, Sprout, there isn't a pony in the cockpit." Zoom landed hard and rolled to cushion the landing. "It's remte controlled."

Sprout cursed and facehoofed in frustration. "The Fantastic Stallions, issue 97. I had to get ideas for war weapons somewhere- at least the first bits of inspiration as a base since Canterlogic was far more focused on control and defense at the time. I gave R&D a few issues of old comics and they said they didn't have time to build electrical receivers for direct input." He glanced over the wall and saw Zipp and Thunder act as distractions for the robot, their patterns more like buzzing insects than the complex bag of tricks either pegasus knew. He thought he could see Hitch clamoring over the machine to find an opening, but with the smoke and dust the robot had kicked up, it had become difficult to fully see what was going on.

"Speak Equestrian. I doubt any of us can keep this up all day."

"It's a drone. We need to get it out of town cause if she added any other failsafes I had drawn out, then we need to get it out of town just in case it has a final explosive on board. Hitch, Posey, and I will do what Earth Ponies do best and you three draw it towards the sea. We should have an easier time doing that at least, it seems to be out of missiles, thank earth. On the count of three, let's do this."

"Should we follow them or should we stay here? I'm just wondering since its been a fair while that I've been without royal guards." Haven stared at the devastation and mayhem the robot had caused with an almost flippant attitude. She did feel a pang of sadness that this wonderful town with its quant architecture would need to be partially rebuilt due to dear horrible Phyllis deciding it was that time of the month to choose violence, but the only thing Haven cold do as a ruler would be relief work and jobs. Anything more and she'd get Canterlogic branded emails on how she was a terrible monarch. You know, normal revolutionary drivel. Well, she wouldn't call it drivel if it was genuine calls for revolution but like most Canterlogic things, there was always an invisible hoof and a cost that they wouldn't say.

"Mom, I'm right here, and if that stupid robot is going away that's a good thing." Pipp swiveled in Hitch's chair. "Hitch would freak if his office was a smoldering ruin." Pipp checked her hooves for a moment to check for any cracks or chipped paint. "And anyway we were still on the whole telling me that you and the leader of Bridlewood were seeing each other. And with my new understanding on what that could mean. . .first, ew. And second, doesn't that make all of this spectacle a tiny bit hypocritical?"

Haven rolled her eyes and crossed her hooves. "First of all, Alphabittle Blossomforth is a perfectly wonderful gentlestallion that I bonded with through our similar jobs and backgrounds. We were both looking for a partner or a friend to share in our lives and give our later years some nice moments and it blossomed into something more. I still miss my dear sweet Goldbriar and his antics and he misses his family- I dare not pry into exactly what happened there but by how he stares wistfully out into the distance when I broach the subject, it must be something raw."

Pipp sighed. "I don't need the life story, I am just saying its hypocritical. So you held my coltfriend for emotional ransom while you get to do all the weird stuff with what? My future stepdad?"

Haven blushed crimson. "We have not thought fully about the future and if we did go beyond our current arrangement, we wouldn't just spring that kind of news on either of you."

Pipp raised an eyebrow. "I don't really want to ask, but what is that arrangement?"

Haven tapped her hooves together. "You know, game nights with him, he's rather good at twenty questions, dancing, board games, cards. He even introduced me into this Ogres and Oubliettes thing that seems rather fun in a sort of creative way. You should try it, you can make any character you want and play as them in some wonderful, magical adventure."

Pipp facehooved. "You just play games with him and that's it?"

"We do more than that, but unlike you I don't post my private time with stallions for the entire world to see."

Pipp threw up her hooves. "The ponies who pay for access for PonyFans are paying customers and I can send privacy takedowns for the video copies- its a whole system, mother. It's a thing. Every celebrity has it or something like it for their fans and I didn't just throw it up, I spent like a whole week figuring out how the adult section worked. I plan everything I ever do because I know there's going to be backlash from fans, from the tabloids. . .everywhere. I just didn't expect such a harsh backlash from you. I expected something, I always do, but. . ." Pipp's words trailed off as she tried to fight back tears and failed.

Haven breathed out and let her snap judgments and worries go. Sure, she was still highly worried about her daughter and still could see facets of her own past indiscretions and faults written plainly on Pipp's very own actions, but her daughter was her own pony, her own self, and she was still a fragile butterfly that could get hurt by the world's cruelty. She held her hooves out and her pink daughter fell into them. For a brief moment she saw her as that wonderful young filly that wanted to take on the world. She was still there, still as wonderful, smart, and unique as she ever was. "I didn't meant to, sweetie. I just was worried. I mean I'm your mother and. . .I'm sorry. Okay. I messed up and here's a deal, we both have our relationships and we let them be."

Pipp quickly wiped her eyes with a wing. "I wasn't going to agree to break up with Hitch anyway. I'd have just found some other work or done something different. I've done it before."

Haven wondered what her own mother would say. The apple seemed to not fall far since that was exactly what she said about marrying Goldbriar. even if he was just a random colt she had chanced upon in the market selling perfume that had fancied the secret princess on an adventurous stroll through her city. He was a positive gentlestallion who had shown her a side of the Heights no royal visit could- the true experience of the common folk. But her mother had known about her emotional tryst with a simple commoner from the beginning and one cool fall evening, the Queen herself had walked up and laid down a harsh ultimatum about the ponies she was cavorting with. Haven had laid a counter offer to Queen Petunia with "if I can't have him, then I'll just become some commoner then you don't have to care about my life choices."

Honestly, if Petunia had met her her granddaughter, she would have died laughing as she held up her personal hoof mirror and said Haven and Pipp were cut from the exact same cloth. And then she would have invited the three of them to tea.

***

"Okay, keep holding it down, Hitch, and breathe. Flora magic is a bit of a mess when you add stress into it." Sprout carefully placed his hooves in the warm sand and felt around for the hints of magic that he knew was there. He hadn't practiced much with his magic, but with how explosive his attempts had been- from enlarging an entire fruit without any issue to the blowout mess that had been just a few weeks ago with the Filly Four. . .he surmised that he had a knack for earth pony magic stuff. How ironic. It almost made him laugh since he grew up thinking magic was the scariest and worst thing ever and how freeing technology was.

And here he was with Posey and Hitch trapping a robot in a blanket of plants.

"It's not my fault, I have no clue what I'm even doing." Hitch looked uncomfortably out of his depth as he tried to add onto Sprout's careful net of plants. Hitch's own tentative attempts wrapped the undergrowth in poisonous plants- nightshade, poison ivy, oleander and more that neither Sprout nor Posey could name. Posey dealt with plants ponies wanted in their houses that didn't cause things like rashes or death so she knew of a few plants there that could be classified as a weed.

Sprout sighed. Hitch was helping out fine enough but growing things via magic wasn't his specialty. Though to be honest, Hitch would have helped way more if animals could overpower a robot. It had been one of his many plans he had come up with but he couldn't imagine bunnies disarming missiles or birds deflecting lasers so Plan A it had been.

It had gone rather well since the large robot was stationary, dim laser pulses had been constantly going off but with how the blanket of greenery ensnared it and its general location, the robot was rather ineffectual now.

"What now?" Posey huffed as she lay down on the sandy beach, the clanking whirr of the motor in her ears. She stared out at the idyllic ocean waves and groaned as the stress of the last hour hit her. "It's tiring, but I doubt Canterlogic would allow a thing like that to be public knowledge. Makes your mom look worse than she already does. Breaks the image of her being a nice leader and all."

Sprout shrugged and watched Zoom, Thunder and Zipp splash around the beach, the pegasi using their wings to scoop up water and fling them at each other. "She'll find some reason. It's all optics and spin. Rampaging robot stopped by a crack team of Canterlogic branded team members. . .due to a freak missile, the oil line in town exploded. It's super simple." Sprout lay back, careful not to touch Hitch's poison ivy patch and fished out his phone and quickly dialed his mother.

He knew she was particularly livid since she took an uncharacteristic four whole rings for her to pick up. She was usually so punctual about her phone, especially her private number. "Hey, so we dealt with the robot, mom. Yeah, it's out of the town, you'll find it at the beach. Kind of hard to miss. And we don't even have to mention it if you let us have a vacation." Sprout listened to his mother hem and haw about things that didn't really matter right now. He was exhausted and the pinkish sunset was far more interesting than whatever his mom was saying. He hung up on her and smiled.

"So what did she say?" Posey rolled over and raised an eyebrow.

Sprout cradled her in his hooves and debated on taking her right then and there. Though he pushed that thought aside quickly since he was on a public beach with at least four other ponies. But the adrenaline rush and everything that had happened today caused his thoughts to be particularly obvious. The blood rushing to his dick punctuated his thoughts as it poked into Posey's side. "I don't really care. But I think we earned a vacation after this, don't you?"

Posey rolled her eyes and kissed her dumb stallion. "Zephyr Heights sounds good this time of year. That and the Queen offered." The yellow earth pony laughed as she watched the sun dip below the horizon. "Since Zephyr Heights is on a mountain we can say we tried out the mile high club."

Sprout grinned. "Will be odd to be there for pleasure. Last time, I spent half of my trip in boring meetings and apology tours. Will be nice just to relax and not have my mother's itinerary telling me what to do and where to be. Could even see the sights and try the food."

"We're going to eat pizza aren't we?"

Sprout shrugged. "It'll be pegasi pizza and that's unique enough for me. I could be in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do and it'd be fun enough with you there."

Posey hid her face as she felt a mist of tears well up. She wasn't the emotional type but she chalked it up to the cocktail of hormones running through her pregnant self. "Thanks, Sprout." She rolled over and kissed him on his snout. "Oh and at some point, I need to get this stupid outfit off." She tugged at the lycra outfit she wore, feeling each and every body hugging inch of the costume. "Hitch doesn't know the first thing about breathable fabrics or fit. Plus I doubt it'd hold up against the things I plan to do to you in thanks."

Sprout just nodded in understanding as Posey whispered every single lewd idea she could in his ear.

Author's Note

was tempted to write this whole backstory with Haven and Posey's mom and realized I spent way too long on something that bogged down the current chapter so I cut like two thousand plus planned words. Made the chapter far more manageable imo.

As The Words Spill Out Like Fire From Her Lips

Dazzle Feather carefully brushed her mane to the side and worked through her nerves. She had been part of the Zephyr Heights news team for years and years, but every once in a while her worries got the best of her. She quickly ran through her tongue twister exercises and switched from her natural country drawl that she had off air to the accent most newscasters had. It was lesson number one in newscasting- while accents can be nice and cute to the general populace, its more professional and less distracting to have a Breezy Continental accent. She smiled briefly in her hoofmirror and ran through the prepared questions that Canterlogic had provided.

She sighed at how safe and boring most of them were. This interview and news story was about the rumors of Mrs. Cloverleaf hoarding yet more dangerous weapons of war. Not some fluff piece where the Heights learned what made her weep tears of joy. Dazzle had read her biography and some smuggled Canterlogic materials from before the Unity kick of theirs, she doubted the mare had many emotions outside of major blow ups or the like.

She would use the questions as a guideline, guide her into a nice sense of familiarity and then open up with the multiple ClipTrot videos of the Bay itself on that day 'the gas lines' exploded. Due diligence and all that.

"Three minutes, Miss Feather, we've just hit the commercial break."

***

Sprout eyed the guards around the Zephyr Heights palace, noting that a fair few of them looked back with a mix of worry and confusion as he and Posey passed. "So why are the guards looking at us like we grew a second head? I thought I was being really nice with the whole 'we may be guests, but don't mind us' routine I told Zoom and Thunder about." He had explained to the pegasus pair that he wanted to be as loose and free with the vacation as possible. With how structured his mom had done his "I'm Sorry for Being a Dick-tator Tour"- not the name his mother called it, just all the less reputable media outlets loved calling his redemption arc that- he wanted to let him and Posey have a sort of vacation that could be rather calm and collected.

Posey looked up and shrugged. "You know why. Going by their faces, the whole guard corps knows exactly how good you are in bed." The yellow earth pony cantered through the halls and fished out her shopping list. "Okay, so we can check out a few food places when we're here. And probably do some photos. You're on that since you know the town way better than I do."

Sprout nodded. "Sure. But I can't have been that bad. I was trying to keep it quiet with all the. . .sex."

Posey smirked. "That was you keeping it quiet? You broke a bed the first night we were here."

Sprout carefully stared at the bag that Posey held in her hooves. "What is that?" He hadn't seen her leave the store or anything, though he had been confused on what to do in Zephyr Heights. This was supposed to be a sort of vacation, but a small part of him saw it as a honeymoon. The pair of them had been together for about four months- he wasn't entirely sure but going by Posey's ever advancing pregnancy, it had to be close and he had to probably marry her at some point.

Having halfbreed foals would kill his mother, having Posey carry the future of the Cloverleaf name and bear them out of wedlock would double kill her. Sprout grimaced. He didn't want to do it because of his mother, but Posey had become a big part of his life and he wanted to show it.

“Equestria to Sprout, heIlo? I got you your own panties so your dick doesn’t keep stretching out the elastic on mine. It is hot and all but it just makes them hard to wear after. Since unlike you I don't get random boners while wearing them. Not that I mind seeing you tent out some small underclothes, but sharing my stuff is a bit hard cause I like black and you look like a goof trying to pull off the dom look. Not that you can't, its just your natural vibe is more being a cute sub. You pull off pink far, far better. Which is why I put these in there." Posey fished out a pair of panties that left little to Sprout's imagination. "The store said it should work. They have ponies that do stuff like this all the time."

Sprout blushed, the thought of marriage still there, but Posey had a way to pull him back to reality with just a few words. "You can put those away. I get the picture. Plus I am not bad at. . .taking charge. I do. . .stuff. You weren't complaining the multiple times we did it here on vacation, especially not when we broke the bed."

Posey shrugged. "True, but there's levels of sex with you. I love both, but there's huggable squishy you where I'm in charge and angling your massive cock all over the place every which way. And then there's you doing the hard stallion attempt and it always feels a bit put on. But that one is also fun cause there's a chance you activate your earth pony magic and hulk out a little bit. Super hot though." Posey ruffled through her bag of goodies. " Either way, I like you for you. The sex is just a fun bonus." She looked at the collection of things she had thrown in her bag. "Neat, I thought they threw in ball gags, that will help the royal guards here be chill. We can use those so we don't make them think you're murdering me with sex. I'm not fully into exhibitionism, but having Zoom and Thunder kick down the door to check on us was a fun way to feel you go soft inside me in an instant."

Sprout didn't want to remember the heavy blush on both of the pegasi as Posey had got up from the bed and started listing off the slight problems with the room. There weren't many and, at the time, the major one was having a bed break in half under the force of two earth ponies going at it. It didn't stop them from having more sex, it just led Posey to get more and more creative with the positions. "Most ponies in that situation would swear off sex for a long while."

Posey grinned and grabbed a nearby dildo from a shelf. "Weak, are pegasi this small or am I just jaded? Like this is a third your size easily."

Sprout facehoofed. "Posey, we might be in a sex store because you thought it would be fun, but I don't think they want you to rate the merchandise."

Posey rolled her eyes and flipped through the lingerie, quickly sizing up Sprout and his rather impressive physique. Sure, he wasn't Hitch and his six pack abs of smugness, but Sprout was perfect in Posey's eyes and his plush softness helped keep him hers. To most ponies, he wasn't all that special. A seven out of ten, perfectly average. But after nearly four months of off and on screwing and a focused diet of pizza and ice cream balancing out the raucous lovemaking so as to not have him appear a shredded pinnacle of stallion performance, she could see the beginnings of muscle throughout his frame. She smirked as she noticed that most of his excess padding went to either his cute tummy or his rather nice butt. That was her butt and maybe it was the hormones or her extreme possessiveness or even that she was carrying his ever growing spawn in her own burgeoning middle, but she was rather fond of Sprout and she didn't need more ponies finding out that he was actually a perfect specimen of sheer virile stallionhood.

She would totally fight off a cadre of mares for that fifth leg of his.

She flipped through the lingerie faster to hide her own blush. She was only a mare and it had been only a few hours since her need for him had been sated. Quickly grabbing what she assumed was his size and a few below and above it to be sure, she gripped him by the hoof and whisked him off to the changing rooms. She wanted him to have a couple choices for the bedroom and sometimes clothes were weirdly sized depending on a whole bunch of things.

She wanted him to look presentable when he presented his family jewels to her before she pulled out the Equalizer.

***

"Good morning, Zephyr Heights, this is the Morning Flight and I am Dazzle Feather. Skye Silver is preparing for another hard hitting news story about the importance of preening and making sure your. . .Float Magic. . ." Dazzle Feather smiled ever so briefly at the silly name for pegasi magic. She would love to pick the brain of Equestria's newest, and probably only, alicorn and her propensity for naming things so blasé. "that your new pegasi magic that lets us fly in the sky and walk and clouds and control the weather. . .all of that works properly. He will be talking to Professor Sunny Days and that will be illuminating. For now, we have the leader of Maretime Bay over Zipstream and I will be asking about the reports of odd occurrences in the town." Dazzle looked over to her flight crew and other backstage ponies to see their signals. By the excited flapping of their wings, she could tell that the interview had been fully approved for release. Wonderful. "And it looks like she's coming up on the second monitor there, we have Phyllis Cloverleaf on the line. Are you there?"

Phyllis' face popped up and Dazzle could see the earth pony mare looking already uncharacteristically flustered. "I am. Though I was thinking this was going to be a phone interview. My assistants both had a terrible time trying to connect to your pegasi internet. . ." Phyllis' eye twitched. "But we are here now. On your news. Live."

Dazzle Feather nodded. "That is what an interview usually is in theory. Okay, let us start off with a nice simple question since most pegasi here only know of Canterlogic through unfortunate circumstances. Tell us about the company, some fun history bits, whatever you like. This may be an interview, but unlike the hard hitting journos at Channel Flyve News, here we have more a discussion about you. Your wants, dreams, what makes you tick."

Phyllis' smile was large and completely fake. Dazzle Feather had read the file on Maretime Bay's dearest leader and that snake grin was prominent. It showed what the public needed, but it also said that pegasi and unicorns were inferior and fine targets for culling. Dazzle Feather had read all the reports. "Wonderful, Dazzle, well Canterlogic was started by my dearly departed father Sprig and he had a dream to connect the world with electricity. . ."

***

Haven tapped out a quick text to Alphabittle as she waited for Sprout and Posey to appear for this little meeting the red stallion had practically begged her for. Sure it was royal prerogative to accept or decline meetings but Haven decided to move a few meetings around to make time for him. Sure the well to do ponies of Zephyr Heights might complain but it wasn't everyday a Cloverleaf came begging her for help.

Maybe it was her age breeding sentimentality but Posey helped too. Haven smiled as she wondered what Skyflower would think of her daughter. Probably think she was too nice. Haven hadn't thought of her first guard in nearly a decade and tere was a pang of guilt at that. She had thrown herself into the job of ruling and had slowly drifted from catching up with her.

With how Posey briefly mentioned what happened to her family, Haven knew she was completely unable to talk to Skyflower again. Haven wistfully drank her tea and tapped a hoof on her desk. "If I had a bit for every time I wished I could redo parts of my life, I'd have only a few, but they'd be precious."

Haven heard a slight buzz in her ear and she tapped the two way mic to see what it was about. "Zoom? Pray tell there's good news."

Zoom sounded flustered. "Thunder's dealing with Posey's shopping bags, don't ask, but be ready cause Sprout looks like he means business."

Haven had kept abreast of Posey and Sprout's shenanigans in her town, hard not to, what with Pipp's podcast being the talk of the town and Sprout already doing an Equestrian wide redemption tour. The two earth ponies were highly noticeable even with her and Alphie's push to mix the different kinds of ponies. Sure there were earth ponies around the Heights but they were insular and kept to themselves due to conditioning. Posey and Sprout on the other hoof garrulously found ways to make a scene.

In short, there were parts of Zephyr Heights that found the pair's near constant rutting quaint or at least impressive. Haven never was one for the internet chat rooms but Thunder mentioned that the pair each had their own little fan club cheering both of them on.

"I am sorry about being almost late, Queen Haven, Zephyr Heights is easy to get lost in." Sprout bowed carefully as he took a seat, Posey following close behind with a nod. Sprout flipped through a stack of papers that he had grabbed out of his bag. "Okay, so I have a mock up of Canterlogic's finances. . .not exact since my mother keeps the general expenses close to her chest but at least an idea, then we have the payments you and Bridlewood give to Canterlogic, and the business code I have had to scour through to figure out how to fully oust my mother from her position." Sprout passed the papers over to Haven and waited.

Haven took one look at the graphs and figures that dotted the report and wished that Alphie was here with her. He had a better eye for figures. Not that she was deficient in balancing a budget but she was more focused on aesthetics and the arts and she had a cadre of advisors that helped her figure out how to keep Zephyr Heights managed and thriving. "So run me through this. Like I was completely in the dark about what Canterlogic has."

Sprout breathed out and gripped Posey's larger hoof in his. He nervously worked through the graphs in his head and began talking. "So first graph is R&D costs. Mother prints those all the time so I can track roughly how much she put away for projects. Now realizing that she built a whole second giant robot I didn't know about, that probably pushes up the expected development costs by a lot. Or at least a fair margin. And the table below is all the donations that Canterlogic sends out to both Maretime Bay and the greater Equestrian area. Those donations are usually under either rare direct personal donations or, more often than not, shell companies donating large sums of money that are only traced back to Canterlogic via the internet paper trail that is far too complex to fully outline here. Most of those internet wallets can be traced to her personal assistant, Sweets, her general manager, Toots, or the community outreach manager, Dahlia. I know how much those three make- they shouldn't have that much money to throw around."

Haven wished Zipp or Pipp were here. They were far more tech savvy than her and she was decidedly lost in what this "crypto currency" and "digital wallets" were. "Okay so they have more money than they should? What of it?"

"My mother is not an easy pony to get along with." Sprout heard Posey chuckle and he sighed. "She's kept Canterlogic afloat by generous donations sure, maybe some strong-hoof tactics, and propaganda but I know enough about Canterlogic's finances that its built on sand. And with how readily her most loyal attendants seemed to flock to me the moment I. . .kind of went mad with power. . ." Sprout grimaced at the memories that flooded back to him. "Well, I think we have a good chance of swaying them or at least a few of them. And we start by having a nice interview with her A hard hitting one that starts out soft to lull her into a false sense of security and boom."

"That's it?" Haven raised an eyebrow. "That sounds way too simple."

"Go through the rest of the graphs on your own time. Canterlogic's so deep in weapon development that I think the business is a bit of a paper tiger. Looks impressive but I can vaguely tell when my mother is under a lot of stress. Now part of it is because I chose somepony she definitely doesn't care for."

"That is an understatement of the century, Sprout." Posey grinned and rested a hoof on her stomach. "She definitely hates me."

"But she's beholden to the shareholders and I doubt they know everything. All the expenditures Canterlogic has doesn't match their incoming funds. So there's some internal bookkeeping error or something she's hiding."

Haven crossed her hooves. "Sounds like something she'd do." Haven never liked Phyllis Cloverleaf, she did try multiple times to like her thanks to her husband that could always see the best in ponies, but there was no getting through to her. "I think I have an interviewer in mind. She's rather good at things like this and I trust her."

***

Dazzle Feather smiled as she listened to Phyllis Cloverleaf regale her about how wonderful Canterlogic was- their philanthropic efforts, the way they were supporting Unity, the whole nine yards of debunked stuff that she had time over weeks and weeks to study about. Their philanthropy was nice but tied to disunity efforts through keeping the most important jobs in Maretime Bay for earth ponies. In short, other races were still second class citizens one they aged out of mandated school programs. Thankfully the crime department was rather lax or at least semi-incompetent or Canterlogic's Unity campus would have a major jail right in the center full of what Phyllis used to call on a good day "undesirable breeders." On a bad day Dazzle Feather would not print the obscenities that Canterlogic used.

The rest of the speech that Phyllis had prepared slowly wrapped up, the mare was used to having each and every word followed, dissected, and applied in her community and she had a horrible habit to ramble and ramble without actually saying much of note. Or that is how Dazzle clocked her. She was used to celebrities doing the same- her original coverage of scandals and news were more akin to gossip mags and the like, but it was about a decade since she broke into the more respectable news outlets- thanks to one Queen Haven taking a shine to her after the new widow had chosen her of all ponies to do an interview for the Heights.

Queen Haven even on her worst day wasn't this talkative. Dazzle Feather smiled and counted to ten until she could take no more. "Okay, okay, very nice. Though I have some new questions of my own. Now I know that 'new questions' weren't exactly on the docket. But that's how we run interviews here in Zephyr Heights- which my viewers are primarily from ZH. They expect something of a give and take session than whatever this is." Phyllis stared dumbfounded through the computer screen. "First of all, there are rumors that there were some sightings of a new giant robot terrorizing your wonderful town. Which should be impossible since you have written down in your new yearly manifesto that R&D would pivot into things like. . .small engines and planes and cars. I don't know what most of those are but they aren't high grade military things? They don't sound like it."

Phyllis breathed out and smiled. "Whatever you have heard is just internet speculation and conspiracy theories. We've taken a hard line on any production of weapons and there are no new customers that would even want that. None that I would even sell to anyway. Unless you want me to sell to things that are only heard of in ancient texts and old mare's tales."

Dazzle shrugged. "Okay, fair. But what if I say there's a ClipTrot video that shows in detail something a little more suspicious than the agreed upon gas line explosion you have mentioned without much definable proof?"

Phyllis cocked her head ever so slightly. "What is ClipTrot?"

***

Sprout sighed and kicked his hooves as he tried to stay calm. It had been a long few weeks in Zephyr Heights and while it was a blast not to deal with all of Sunny's friends- or his mom- he had one thing he really wanted to do here. He stared at the jewelry shop in front of him and balked at the prices. Sure, months ago he would have told his mom to put it on his tab or beg her for the newest hottest thing in stores. But now he had his deputy income and Posey's to use and while they weren't poor, getting two rings was pretty much out of the question. He didn't want to crater their finances just to fully commit to Posey. Though in hindsight, she was the only mare who he had had sex with.

Still he wanted to show how much he cared for her in a way. She was carrying his future family inside her.

"Hey, Sprout, why the long face?"

Sprout turned and noticed Alphabittle coming towards him. He knew of the stallion since he had to apologize to Maretime Bay, Bridlewood, and Zephyr Heights for nearly causing a war. Hard not to forget the unicorn stallion since he was rather imposing at first glance- Sprout only came up to his shoulder. "Just thinking about things. And trying to figure out why pegasi rings look all weird." Sprout pointed at the twisted bands that some might call a ring. He wouldn't since it didn't fit the ideal earth pony aesthetic of straight lines and little ornamentation that Canterlogic preferred.

Standing out with something like that would have been ill advised for anypony not part of his family.

Alphabittle scratched his beard with a hoof and smiled. "Haven explained it to me once. . .or twice. There's some ancient pegasus mating ritual where two pegasi would exchange feathers to show their attraction to one another. Carry that down however many years between then and now and add in Zephyr Heights' proclivity towards high fashion." Alphabittle saw the younger stallion roll his eyes when he mentioned that. "-add in some techniques to keep said feathers last forever and voila. . .rings honoring tradition while staying modern."

"I tried explaining to one of these shops on the earth pony style and they looked at me like I grew a second head." Sprout had the ringing words of the shop clerk in his mind- 'unfashionable nonsense' and now it made some sense why. Though it still hurt since looking at the gold filigree and jeweled exterior of some of these fancier rings, he'd have to sell two of his legs to afford the astronomical prices of the hoofwork. "though its probably not every day a pegasi shop has an earth pony customer."

Alphabittle nodded. "Haven does her best in promoting Unity between every race but its been a while since Equestria was actually united and some ponies' minds might never fully be changed- but we can try." The older stallion weakly smiled. "I get why pegasi love their outward fashions and their flashy jewelry. They look nice. But Bridlewood has a far more simple way to propose."

Sprout's ears perked up. He hadn't ever heard of unicorns proposing. His mother had cast them as ponies with magical sticks for brains that crushed their enemies under their despotic hooves without a care in the world. He groaned and quickly tried to stifle that notion down- Posey had taught him how much his mother lied about reality. "What is it? The proposal, I mean."

"It's simple. Bridlewood loves games. Card games, games of chance, tabletop games. . .a couple finds a game they like and they play it. Through hoof signals, body language, and notes they find out the both of them are attracted to one another and by the end of the game they have an idea on their future."

"That sounds incredibly vague."

Alphabittle shrugged. "I'm generalizing a tradition. One that is unique to each unicorn couple. They could propose via a joke competition, a dance off, blackjack, pool. The sky is the limit. The winner proposes and that's that. Once they say a few words and commit to the marriage, it's seen as completely legal in Bridlewood law."

Sprout stared at the pegasi rings for a moment. "That sounds way more fun than buying a ring. . ."

Alphabittle laughed. "Haven thought it was a magical idea. Though I should have warned her that tabletop games were not the best idea for a proposal. She's not bad at it- hasn't rerolled her character sheet yet, but we've played Cyberpony Requiem for nearly six months and I don't think she fully remembers it was supposed to be a proposition for marriage. . .still fun though and taking it slow is the best for the both of us. I'm focused on Bridlewood and my tea room. She's focused on Zephyr Heights. We can't just announce a marriage without thinking about the consequences."

***

Posey watched Sprout with a close eye as the stallion had been acting really oddly for the last few hours. Not that he didn't normally act a little odd, that was part of the charm he had that attracted her to him in the first place. Well, the massive dick too- but most of it was his personality. And now he was pacing around practicing card tricks like he had been infected by some dumb unicorns. "Sprout, what are you doing?"

Sprout jumped and the cards he had been shuffling scattered on the floor. "Nothing."

Posey raised an eyebrow immediately at that. Sprout wasn't an idiot, far from it, but he had awful tells when he was trying to tell an outright lie. Sweating profusely? Nervous? Terrible posture? He was definitely hiding something. "Okay, but what's with the cards? You hate stuff like that."

Sprout looked down for a moment. "Fine, I was going to attempt to propose to you."

Posey glanced from the scattered mess of cards and Sprout a few times as she tried to piece together what he meant. "I don't follow."

"It was going to be this whole thing. I had looked up easy card tricks on the net to help me figure out how to rig a card draw and each card had a different letter so I could spell out the proposal." He blushed as he recounted his ruse. "In hindsight, it sounds really, really stupid."

Posey rolled her eyes. "So you listened to Alphabittle of all ponies on how to propose? I thought you'd be at least a bit smarter than that."

"It was cheaper than a pegasi ring. Those things are stupidly expensive, like thousands and thousands of bits just for one. And he made it sound special. Like a whole thing. I mean there was something about a dance and emotions and couples knowing exactly what they both want. It sounded nice and all."

Posey groaned. "You wanted to propose to me? I'm honored, but if you haven't noticed. . ." Posey motioned to her gravid middle and ever expanding teats for a brief moment. "-but I think we already passed the whole proposal thing. Though I guess our little play sessions could just be mind-blowing sex. The way the dumb unicorns talk about their chance proposals just sound like they are having sex while playing games. Us earth ponies do the slightly easier method and cut out the games."

Sprout tapped his hooves together. "So you don't want to get married? I don't really know what you are-"

Posey held up a hoof. "Fuck no, Sprout. I want to get married. Partially just to stick it to your dumb mom, but mostly I just want you to be my husband and we can just gloat about how fun and awesome it is to everypony while eating terribly cause we are adults and at a certain point nopony can tell us what to do." Posey got up and slowly walked over to her cute red stallion. "And after this hoofful of joy pops out of me, I can get stuffed with another one. . .and another one. . .and maybe a few more." She flicked her tail across Sprout's chest as she passed, letting him stare directly at her lower bits for a couple seconds as she did so. "Just fill me up with pizza, your cock, and ice cream and I'm happy. Well, relatively speaking. Maybe some flowers and dates beyond the "fuckstorm special" and I'm still going to be annoyed at things other ponies do- but overall I'll be content. And fuck the rings, I wouldn't be with you for this long if I didn't see something I liked. You're already the longest relationship I've had by a whole mile. Just make me happy with a simple wedding and we'll be good."

Sprout blushed as Posey pushed him ever so slowly to the floor. "Oh. Sweet."

The yellow mare smiled. "Just count this as our little proposal game if you want." She straddled Sprout and kissed him as she guided her stallion home.

***

"You don't think this tux makes me look like a dork, right?" Sprout fixed his bow tie as he stared into the mirror. "I mean it was made in haste and relatively cheaply. . ."

Thunder rolled his eyes. "It's not my job to comment on that kind of stuff. You look fine, you're just nervous." Thunder had planned for a whole two days off with Zoom where they could relax and watch random movies and do stuff together. Those simple plans had been hastily thrown out the window when one focused yellow earth pony mare had kicked in the throne room door and announced to the court that she wanted to get married. Cue Zoom and Thunder's wonderful staycation getting cancelled last minute and Thunder was sitting here coaching Sprout about not having a panic attack. "Breathe out, dude, just put one hoof in front of the other, probably say yes. You do want to say yes, right?"

Sprout nodded. "Of course I do."

"Then do that and its good."

"If he somehow backs out of this, I'm going to be so, so very angry." Posey tried to stay calm by counting silently to ten but it wasn't helping. "Why on earth does a pegasi ceremony keep the bride and groom unable to see each other? I know every single inch of him and I know what he looks like in the dark by touch alone, I don't need an assurance on if I find him attractive or not."

Zoom rolled her eyes. "Didn't need to know that, but its so pegasi can be like trapped birds and the moment after the ceremony ends they fly off and do it in the sky. Makes for a very fun and enjoyable time, plus its some old pegasi proverb that doing that makes pregnancy happen faster."

"Non-earth pony practices sound so. . ." Posey blinked for a moment. "Wait, you pegasi couldn't fly until Sunny and her dumb friends brought magic back."

Zoom smiled. "And I wondered when you'd get it. But chill, I can hear Thunder through this little mic-" Zoom tapped her helmet with a hoof. "-and he's working through your soon to be married husband's hang ups. And if you two say no, we still have an alternative wedding situation we could do." Zoom flexed her wings ever so carefully and her wingblades popped into view. "You don't know how disappointed Thunder gets when we spend nearly an hour before work putting these babies on and we've still not used these. We could have a Wingblade Wedding. Wouldn't that be exciting?"

"I don't think so. Also why am I wearing a blue dress? Earth pony rituals do white."

Zoom shrugged. "Blame the color wheel. No self-respecting pegasi tailor would put you in a white dress. It was either blue or maybe a green one. There are mentions of a few yellow pegasi wearing green dresses in ancient times. . .blue just works the best. Be glad you aren't one of the rare ponies that have the recessive gene for rainbow manes. Those rare few are a real headache to color match."

Posey grumbled. "I don't feel much better and if I needed fashion advice, I'd ask Pipp."

"Is it the helmet that throws you off? I'll have you know I know how to put together a good outfit for cheap when I'm not attached to the Royal Family's hip. I could probably make that dress for like a hundred bits- with the short time frame you gave Haven. . .props by the way, I haven't seen her this excited to put on an impromptu wedding in ages, I'd say that's a thousand bits easily. Just give me some cheap silk, some polyester, and a bit of brocade and done. Heck, I could use old curtains and give you a better everyday dress."

Posey cocked her head. "Okay, didn't expect you to know how to sew. You look. . .stallionish. No offense."

Zoom shrugged. "Dress code. Used to have a mane that went down my back when I was off duty. Rather liked having it cause it made me look like a completely different mare and sometimes Thunder would forget who I was. It was cute when he did, could rock up in a whole new ensemble and he'd blubber about how he was already seeing somepony and poof, I'd take off my disguise and we'd just laugh about it later. I just got tired of putting my hair in helmets designed for stallions. And you never asked if I could do anything besides be a guard." The blue pegasus shifted in her seat. "Pipp gets her guard from her backup dancers. Every single one of them can spring to action if there's any rowdy or dangerous fans. It's surprisingly useful and while I wasn't good at the choreography- Thunder was the dancer- I was one of the many seamstresses that made everypony's costumes. Then I went to actual guard training and realized I was far, far better with a blade." Zoom leaned back. "Everypony has their place and skillset. And your hair is a mess again because somepony can't keep still when she's worried about a certain red stallion." Zoom patted the couch seat. "Come over here and let me fix it or Pipp will never let me live the fashion faux pas down."

***

Sprout nervously cantered into the small chapel that was connected to Zephyr Height's castle. He stared up at the stained glass that depicted some old Equestrian pegasi legends that he had never heard of or really even cared about. He could at least give the artisans some kudos because Canterlogic deemed anything not built with form and function in mind as pointless endeavors. At least he could see actual art in the glass- all he had to do was look down and see the rainbows of light that littered the carpet.

He grimaced as he wondered if anypony noticed he was acting odd. Maybe they thought it was just wedding jitters- it wasn't entirely wrong since he felt like a colony of butterflies were doing tricks in his stomach, but he was more nervous about having an accidental clothing malfunction. . .Posey had whispered in his ear that she would find it incredibly hot and memorable if he wore the pink panties she had bought him. He had tried to say how terrible an idea that was, but she was an incredibly persuasive speaker when she wanted her way. It didn't help that she also knew exactly how to press each and every one of Sprout's buttons and find new ones he didn't know he had.

And so underneath the black formal pants that he would probably never wear again due to Maretime Bay not seeing the use of formal pants for formalwear- he wore the panties she had talked him into buying and he had to slightly admit that they fit perfectly. She had even had him try them on when he was fully hard just to see if they worked. They did and Posey had marveled for minutes on how he looked.

He gulped as he watched Posey walk in slowly, led by Zoom, and he could see Posey's mirthful grin through the light blue veil that covered her face. It was hard not to see her slight lust as she stared directly at him, or more likely, directly at his crotch as he imagined her having x-ray vision and seeing his secret that nopony else knew about.

Posey walked up slowly and looked out to the rather empty chapel- due to it being a wedding with very little planning at very short notice and the both of them knowing in their hearts that Sprout's mom would never allow the marriage on so many legal grounds, there were only a hoofful of guests. Most of them were random ponies that worked in the catle who had time between their shifts who wondered what nonsense the Queen was excited about today, a few journalists who had heard thorough the grapevine about some rather interesting news that Maretime Bay would just freak out over, or Zoom and Thunder who were pulling double duty as honorary best ponies and guards.

Queen Haven smiled out at the small crowd as she stepped up in front of the two earth ponies she was gladly going to marry. "I am glad to see that the group text for the castle worked. Zipp had set that up trying to make it as simple as possible, but I worried I had sent that to Reply All. . .which would have caused a fair few problems." Haven had sent a few too many accidental texts out that way and had caused a bit of a kerfuffle by announcing budget cuts or equally terrible things. She was still worried about the rent hike riots from a decade ago. Those had been a real mess. "Well I had tried to get either of these two into choosing a marriage reading or something but we had come to an impasse. Pegasi propriety didn't seem to connect with Earth pony sensibility in that regard. . .so we can just go with the simple one. May your marriage last and be blessed with many a happy day. May the ones filled with rain be bearable together and may the sun come out again." Haven bowed. She had pushed very hard for something a bit more unique, or at least some song lyrics- she was definitely particular to any Dreamlands pop ballad or even she could tolerate Electric Blue if she had to, but Posey had said the simple pegasi greeting worked.

As long as the both of them were happy that was the point. It just felt weird not to have a wedding be hours upon hours of touching meaningful speeches and the like. Haven looked down the hastily written script in Posey neat, clipped hoofwriting. She had little clue what a hoofbinding ritual was- possibly some Earth pony thing she surmised- but at least it was easily worked through. "Now, if you may, step forward so I can perform this next bit."

Posey and Sprout stepped forward and placed their hooves on top of one another.

"Let's see. . .I will now do the hoofbinding ritual." Haven nervously rummaged through the box of thread and grabbed as many random colors she could. She had looked up what the colors all meant in their own unique way but now doing this, the different meanings had all slipped her mind. She decided that a rainbow knot would be the best one. Then she wouldn't have to worry about leaving out a color and causing some odd accidental faux pas. She carefully tied the two hooves together. "Let the both of you see each other as a shoulder to cry on, celebrate with, and a lover you can depend on. May you be faithful, caring, and wise and be the fortress that stands against those that dislike you. With this I pray that you form an unbreakable bond that will last all your days." Haven dared not chuckle as she said that. With how Zoom and Thunder described the pair of earth ponies in front of her, she imagined that it would take a natural disaster to break apart these two from their loving embrace. "With that I deem that to be an acceptable vow of intent and therefore with the power vested in me by the former Kings and Queens of Zephyr Heights, I say you can kiss.

Posey raised up her alternate hoof. "Uhm, I'm totally down for that, but I think Sprout and I have short vows to exchange. And no, just in case, I am not objecting to marrying him- I wouldn't have gotten this far if I had."

Haven breathed out a sigh of relief. "Good. I didn't want Cloudpuff to miss out on being ringbearer. He always loves a bit of excitement."

Posey rolled her eyes and pulled out her short list of demands. "Sprout. . .I expect that you will do everything I say to the best of your ability. That includes anything you know we do in private." Posey briefly smiled as she noticed a fair few ponies in the pews and Sprout in particular squirm as she spoke that one. She wanted to get married on her own terms and if that technically involved hinting that she wanted to get railed, that would be fine to her. "This marriage is already kind of moot anyway- you and I both know why we are doing this. Also let's see. . .sickness, health, richer, poorer, all that junk. I mean you live in our shared house and eat our shared food- I could have kicked you to the curb whenever. But I didn't. And that was because you were the pony that I crushed on since I was little and even though we got here in a rather unconventional way, I didn't hate most of the journey." Posey and Sprout shared a look. They had spent hours and hours debating each and every one of the vows both could say to one another. Posey breathed out and tried to stay calm, but if she found where those three mares were that hurt Sprout, she'd do things that were unspeakable to show her love for him.

Spout mouthed a silent "Love you" as he didn't want to ruin the last bit.

"And with that I hope our future gets even better cause we can do so much together. It may be a bit cheesy but I think we can change the world and I would love every minute with you." Posey wiped away a tear as she spoke. She wasn't very emotional usually but she can let her other emotions besides annoyance and anger shine at least for this. Sprout deserved as much..

Sprout carefully fished out his glasses that helped him read small print and his short list of vows. Public speaking wasn't his thing anyway- his mother had raised him to be the next Canterlogic president and had run him through the wringer when it came to speeches, board meetings, public announcements, news broadcasts and on and on and she had drilled into him not nerves of steel but of paper. He could speak in public, rather well, but there was always a part of him that seized up when he stared out into the crowd and saw all the ponies staring back at him. He breathed out and stared directly at Posey to calm his nerves. The words were for her. "Posey, I don't know exactly what to say. Maybe I'm a romantic or just brutally sheltered but I am glad that you were my first and will be my last. You came on strong and fast and sometimes you feel like a bonfire with how hot your moods can be, but that passion and drive made me do and see things that I would have never thought possible if I had stayed exactly how I was. You brought me out of a funk where every day was exactly the same and we are in this together now. And I would not have it any other way. I love you to the moon and back and I will be happy to call you my wife once this is over. Even if my family might not approve. That doesn't matter- only you do."

Haven brushed away a tear and quietly put her hoof in Alphabittle's for a brief moment before realizing that she was officiating the wedding and ponies were looking at her to finish off this exciting wedding. She whistled to Cloudpuff- the winged dog was wonderfully trained in all aspects of royal duties- and the flying Pomeranian flitted in in a cute little red tux. Haven had tried for Cloudpuff to wear black or even blue to match Posey and Sprout in some aspect, but the small dog wanted at least a taste of the limelight and had chosen by doggy decree for his ringbearer outfit to stand out.

Cloudpuff looked exceedingly pleased with himself as he flew towards Haven, the dog staying aloft for a brief moment when he reached the spot right behind the soon-to-be married couple. Then with a quick pirouette, the dog sat and presented the two rings that were on the tiny pillow- two earth pony rings- Haven had been insistent to the jeweler that it was important that two basic gold rings- no adornments, no places for entwined feathers to lay- just two normal rings were made.

The jeweler had relented and decided that while it wasn't fashionable, they couldn't refused a royal request. It would just be bad for business.

Posey and Sprout grabbed one ring each and draped the silver chains that held their rings over each of their heads. The golden rings sat proudly over their hearts- ancient earth pony custom had made a sort of marriage necklace the norm- it kept hooves free of any easily lost rings and with Posey working in the dirt so often due to her job it just made sense. Posey touched the ring for a moment with her untied hoof and felt the importance of the shimmering metal. It was such a small, nearly insignificant thing since the baby- or babies she surmised- were the real bond between her and Sprout, yet the ring resting firmly on her chest for all to see held this special meaning to her.

It was hers and with that Sprout was truly all hers to cherish and adore.

"You may-"

Posey didn't let Haven finish the sentence as she nearly pounced on the red stallion. Images of her ripping those pink panties off him flashed through her excited head as both of their tongues danced in a kiss that that lasted seemingly forever.

***

Sprout stumbled into the room where he was staying with Posey following right behind. "Wow, that was a par. . .ty." He had to give Zephyr Heights a round of applause for their alcohol. Sure, Maretime Bay had its own alcohol brands from Comrade to Our Town, but those all had a similar issue. They all tasted awful until you got drunk enough to stop caring about the stale taste of fermented swill that Canterlogic deemed good enough to sell. It was a profitable business, not a tasty one.

"Sprout, you are super drunk." Posey carefully sat Sprout down and he melted into the comforter. "I knew I should have watched you a bit more carefully, but I kept eating that cake and-"

Sprout rolled over to stare lovingly at Posey. "It's okay. Everything's great." Sprout prodded Posey's side and felt the swell of her stomach. "I didn't want to leave cause everyone was having such a great time and I have to learn what the stuff they gave me was. It was like water but like alcohol. Fantastic."

Posey rolled her eyes. "It was Everclear. These pegasi drink like fish." She wondered about Zipp for a brief moment as she said that. Sunny's friend had a bit of an alcohol problem and Posey had scratched that up to stress. With how she noticed how easily Haven threw back Bridlewood Iced Teas without a second thought, she wondered if pegasi royalty was just conditioned to drink. "Either way, I think as your new wife and who is much smarter than a handsome stallion who if I remember right said 'I am the best drinker here' and immediately fell over. . .I think no hard liquor for you."

Sprout groaned. "So that's why my head is killing me."

"Well that and your probable hangover that you'll get in a few hours."

Sprout stared up at the ceiling. "Earth, I'm horny, Hey, Pose, you wanna fuck. As like husband and wife now cause we can do that now. Like normal sex."

Posey chuckled. "I don't think that would-" Posey glanced at Sprout's still formal pants expecting that Sprout was all talk. The stallions she had flirted with before were nearly unable to get hard once they drank. She was gravely wrong once she noticed that Sprout's dick was threatening to pop the seams of his pant leg as it snaked its way out of his sheath. She guessed that pegasi tailors didn't have to account for a fifth leg all too often. "Oh." She blushed as she realized Sprout definitely didn't have an issue getting randy while drunk. She was going to enjoy this. "This makes this far simpler." She gingerly took his pants button with a hoof and finagled her way into letting it free, pulling down his zipper quickly soon after and she watched the pretty pink panties she had teasingly bought for him as a gag wedding gift strain to contain his stallionhood- her personal stallionhood since she wasn't going to let Sprout cheat on her. She wasn't that kind of mare to allow such open dealings. She had tried once and found out the hard way that she was just far too possessive of her mates. Sprout, for all his cute foibles, balanced out her crazy.

She looked up to his pleading eyes and grinned devilishly as she traced her hooves over his body, gently feeling every inch of him again like he was a new planet she had discovered instead of the stallion she had come to know in the last few months. In a way he was new. He was her husband and to her that meant something- legally it meant the 'demonspawn' that she was carrying was far more terrible in Phyllis Cloverleaf's eyes. The baby, or multiple babies, she had within her were not bastards but just some normal ones. Heirs to the Cloverleaf name in all forms. It was thrilling and sticking it to Sprout's shit mom would brighten her day until she died.

Posey shifted and slid her way up the bed to stare at Sprout's cute face for a brief moment, she stared deep into his dark green eyes and kissed him again on his lips, not wanting their first kiss as a married couple to be the last she would do today. She would do many things today, but the idea that she could make out with Sprout in Maretime Bay in full view of Canterlogic and they didn't have fuck all to say about it? It was glorious.

Sprout moaned into her gentle touch as he kissed her hard back, grinding his panty clad bottom half into his new wife's nethers. "I love you, Posey."

Posey felt her heart flutter for a moment. "I love you too, Sprout." She leaned into her red stallion's ear and whispered. "Now I'm going to rip these tight panties off you carefully with my teeth. . .so be a good colt and we can break this bed in the right way. Cause I'm not getting out of this bed until I can't walk."

Posey felt the hairs on Sprout's slightly pudgy middle stand up and she slid herself down, as slowly as she could to accentuate each and every second to increase both of their caged lusts for one another. She breathed in as she ran her pussy over the hard rod that was begging for her attention and slid down further to rest her weight between his legs so she could marvel at her stallion's impressive equipment. "Too bad about the bed, I rather like these sheets. Might have to ask Haven for a pair as a wedding gift." She gingerly fondled Sprout's melon sized balls and kissed the pair of them before eyeing her true prize. She gripped onto her cute stallion's confining underwear with a hoof and yanked them down as quick as she could, the pink fabric tearing as it couldn't handle the strain of containing a wild beast like Sprout's stallionhood when Posey wanted a piece of it. She watched it spring to attention, the sheer size of his endowment causing it to slap soundly on his stomach before rising up like a pillar to worship. Posey licked her lips and dug into her true dessert. It wasn't the wedding cake she had been looking forward to after the wedding- it was Sprout she wanted.

Sprout moaned as Posey began enjoying the large black dick right in front of her. She'd savor the taste because she imagined the moment the two of them got back into Maretime Bay, Sprout would focus entirely upon this corporate takeover plan of his. Maybe a quickie or two to keep his mind on work, keep Canterlogic from suspecting anything..

They had agreed that was probably for the best.

Posey sighed and imagined the sex after winning would make up for any quiet nights and what could have beens.

The Art Of Self Destruction, Part Two

Posey breathed in the acrid air of the dark room she was in. She could hear moans echoing off the concrete walls where she was sitting and it wasn't any voice she knew- or if it was, the pain the pony was in was warping and stretching their voice into an unrecognizable mess.

She heard the metal door scrape against the floor as harsh florescent light came in from the hallway as a pony walked in, shut the door, and leaned on the wall. They acted like they owned the place and as far as Posey knew, maybe they did. She had heard rumors of Canterlogic having a prison such as this. . .with how her parents disappeared, the thought of them in a Tartarus hole such as this had always been there working a knot in her memory.

"Good morning. . ." the guard took off her black helmet and a surprisingly long pink mane fell out. "I'm Warden Sundance. Unlike certain accomplices of yours, I can't just do this whole pony to pony talk thing like I'm used to. We don't get a lot of knocked up mares down here in the basement. Especially not with your pedigree. Not the hybrid sort- we get all kinds. Unicorn/ Earth pony hybrids are the worst. Still can't figure out if its the rampant magic that has no easily escapable way out, the incompatible breeding, or the whole welcoming tone we have here, but those rare crossbreeds usually go a bit nutty down here." The white mare sighed. "But less about me, what makes the future boss's fucktoy do crimes? Is it the feeling of untouchability? The need to be worshipped as somepony that can be anything they want to be? The idea that we can't just you know. . " Sundance stared directly at Posey's middle. "be done with that thing?"

Posey defensively curled up and tried not to get too nervous. She had been on the receiving end of enough harassment as a foal that while she had become used to how things were, there was always a part of her in the past, her walls surrounding her most vulnerable parts built over years. Ponies saw her as a complete and utter bitch. Maybe she was. But it was a defense layered over years and years and letting that down was dangerous. "I'd like to see you try. If you did, Sprout would come down on you with such a terrible mood, he'd probably dismantle all of Canterlogic, brick by brick until there was nothing left."

Sundance laughed, the walls muffling her mirth immediately. "I've seen how he purports himself, but sure, maybe he would. Just be glad that there's an itty bitty unwritten rule that has Cloverleafs be welcome here and go without harm." The earth pony shrugged. "And unless you gained like forty pounds recently for zero reason, that baby or babies, I am a terrible judge of those things- I try to keep me as parasite free as possible- that foal is keeping you nice and safe down here. Though comfortable is relative. Food and water, yes. Five star resort accoutrements? No- the prisoners we've had from the outside rave about how nice Zephyr Heights' prison system is. We scoff at that shit. That breeds weakness. Earth ponies aren't weak. Neither are our prisons, though the Sheriff's Office makes the first impression look like we are namby pamby pussy bitches."

"How do you know about-"

Sundance ran a hoof through her mane and got on all fours. From where Posey had been sitting and how the mare carried herself at first glance made her seem imposing and far, far taller than she was. When the Warden was on all fours, she was barely taller than Pipp. And then she opened her mouth and Posey shivered as her voice rose an octave, the sickeningly sweet voice being entirely different than the low gruff tones of the mare. "I'm part of the final defense against the whole town getting wacky and weak. I run the M.A.R.E Team- Multiple Areas of Recon and Evac- I'm the fixer when shit gets too hot to handle and it all comes back down to somepony like you. I'm the fixer and I love my job. Plus most ponies don't expect little old me to run something like this. It's the cute and unassuming factor. Plus I'm a pink and white pony- there's just so many I blend right in."

"I won't talk. You don't scare me."

Sundance giggled. "In another life, I might have been really good friends with you. Usually I run that spiel to the normal pony and they start pissing themselves out of fear and that's before I put them to the myriad ways my team has for getting info out of uncooperative sorts. But you are something else. Your file was extensive and riveting. . . the videos of you and Sprout rutting like animals in public? Hot. . .but I don't have to talk to you. There's two others that don't have a spawn of the company in them." Sundance got up and flashed a smile. "Makes me feel butterflies and rainbows when I think about it."

***

Sprout stared daggers into the Canterlogic receptionist as she worked. He didn't want to come off rude- the years of training his mother put him through to shape him into the perfect Canterlogic CEO still wore heavy n his mind whenever he dealt with an employee- but the news of his wife and two others getting thrown into earth knows where made him act like his mother. And after all the time trying to make up for being a dictator- he really didn't want to come off as yet another Cloverleaf. "Yes, yes. . .Happiness was it? I know this is a bit much, but can you just phone my mother?"

The blue earth pony tapped her hooves together and tried her best customer service smile as she brushed a hoof through her two-toned mane, the pink and yellow strands twirling nervously as she tried not to stare at Sprout. "I can not do that, sir. Company policy. Rule number twenty seven in the hoofbook- "Do not let in rowdy ponies at any cost. Addendum seven: especially if they are a Cloverleaf."

Sprout's eye twitched. "That's not in there. I know the thing back to front and unless the company amended the damn thing, which by your own rules has to be sent out in a company wide email or mail related thing to finalize the change, there is no way that's a rule. Canterlogic has wild company parties all the time. My mother was the rowdiest pony in multiple parties. She wouldn't make a rule that impacted her ability to get drunk."

"Yes, well, have a nice day. Leave your message after the beep." The mare hid behind her desk and tried to curl up in a ball to look less threatening. "Beep."

Sprout rolled his eyes and paced towards the nearest noticeable camera- he didn't have to look hard- and stared up at it. He didn't want to use this, but it was the only thing that might get him to see his mother. If not her, at least somepony that had actual power who could do something. He had been ranting and raving for ten minutes straight trying to get an answer from a nice pony, true, but most ponies here were a brick wall to his efforts.

He cupped his hooves and shouted the bombshell as loud as he could. "Hey, do you know that I'm fucking married now? And that you have my wife in some shitty prison somewhere down here? I'm guessing the basement cause that's where you put all the things you don't like thinking about. A spacious basement full of secrets overflowing and waiting to come out."

A loud ding came from the computer and Happiness inched up to see what the noise had meant. It wasn't a common buzzing noise, or a cool tone. Those were happy messages that meant meetings and outings for work stuff. A clipped harsh tone? That was new and unfamiliar to the overworked earth pony. "Uh, this message reads: You may let him in?"

"Good. Toots come with me."

"Sprout, I really shouldn't. . .you know work. . .I have things to do."

Sprout turned around and gripped the pudgy stallion by his tie and stared up at him. "You are coming with me. I'm not going to easily leave this building without Posey and if I have to, I'm going to sleep here until I get her out. And either you are going to help me negotiate with this stupid company or so help me I'll be truly angry."

Toots gulped. "This isn't you being angry? Cause this really feels like anger."

Sprout nodded. "This is me being reasonable. If I was angry, I'd use you as a battering ram. Now march."

Happiness peeked over the edge her lavender eyes like pinpricks until Sprout and Toots walked into the elevator. As the doors closed, she got up and let out the breath she had been holding for far, far too long. "That's it. I'd probably be better as a foalsitter or anything else than deal with this. She quickly typed up her two weeks notice and sent it straight to Pony Resources. "Wonder how my daughter will take it though, she was looking forward to Bring Your Foal To Work Day. . ."

Sprout walked through the upper floors of Canterlogic with Toots trailing behind him. He looked straight ahead, focused on his mission to get Posey out. He probably looked a bit mad as he stomped through headquarters like a bull in a porcelain shop but he didn't care.

"It's through here. . .uh, should I call you Mr. Cloverleaf or just Sprout? I mean its kind of hard to figure out how to call y'all by your names." The short earth pony mare looked up at Sprout. "I mean Mrs. Cloverleaf makes sense, she's the boss and all, but since you said you were married, just by association and the like or at least by decorum- I probably should call you Mr. Cloverleaf."

"Sprout is perfectly fine. . uh. ." Sprout didn't know this mare's name. He hadn't recognized a fair few of the ponies throughout the floors and all that. He knew it had been, at best, a while since he entered Canterlogic on good terms. At worst, it probably had been since the whole Emperor Sprout fiasco- he had tried to distance himself from entering most Canterlogic facilities on principle. Or at least his guilt made it awkward to get near a major place like this. "And you are?"

The cream colored earth pony smiled. "Name's Truly. Just the one name. Not like Toola Roola, Blue Belle, Bow Tie, Lickety Split and a fair few others from what I know here. I mean Canterlogic's huge and all and sometimes it feels like there's like five floors- I'm part of the first- public relations and all that. . oh sorry, rambling again. I'm just such a rambler when I get somepony new to talk to. You know laser focused on the job and all." The white pony smiled and ran a hoof through her messy dark pink mane. "And here. You know you are going to be the talk of Canterlogic- probably gonna edge out the whole implementation of the Big Brother Pony program. . . that was a doozie. But what can you do. Company mandated thing and the town went just all nutso."

Sprout looked at Toots and sighed. "What is the Big Brother Pony thing?"

Truly clopped her hooves together. "Silly name. And no, its not a raging pile of stallions gallivanting around saving the day whenever we need it. It's the new cops. Marketing came up with the whole bend to it. A completely inviting pile of ponies that just love doing their jobs. Like the ideal co-worker and all that."

"Great."

"Isn't it? And with that our little run through of Canterlogic is finito, completed and done. And only ten minutes to get you through all the winding bits and bobs of Canterlogic. New personal record. Ta-ta for now. Hopefully your mom can congratulate you on your marriage."

"Yeah. I hope."

***

"And done. Was that so difficult? We had a fun time. Or at least I did."

Jazz felt Sundance loosen her ropes and she just slumped forward as the Warden cantered out of the shared prison cell. Not in pain- no she was physically fine. But the echoed sounds of what this sadistic pony did to Rocky while she just watched it happen. That was an emotional pain that she didn't know how to handle. The most stressful thing she normally had to do was coordinate Pipp's entire day and while that was a pain in and of itself, Pipp was simply easier to handle than Sundance- Pipp thought ponies were nice.

Jazz had only told the truth whenever she was asked to elaborate further.

Sundance never stopped asking questions, probing each and every response until she got what she wanted. Even if it was just a lie born out of coercion, that was an easier thing to reconcile with than the truth- picking up some ponies that weren't actually committing a crime and tossing them to the wolves. Though Jazz could see why it looked suspect. Two mares carrying out an unconscious stallion? She'd be wary and on guard too. After a long session not getting the answers she wanted out of Jazz, coercion and intimidation clearly failing to distort the truth, Sundance had gotten creative.

She couldn't be wrong, it had to be something deeper than that, some kind of flaw in a plan she just couldn't parse. She was good at her job, the medals and commendations given by the company telling her that she was a special kind of pony. She had shook the hoof of the CEO, she was a necessary cog in the company machine. Her unit's job was to sniff out wrongdoing and there was naught but one thing to unravel in this confounding mystery.

She saw the odd bond between an earth pony and a pegasus and saw something she could use, the forbidden tie of friendship condemned by her training. Pegasi were liars, tricksters, and cheats. Sundance's eye twitched. She had years of experience cracking even the worst criminals in the Bay and yet this mare had rebuffed her efforts.

Posey- and Sprout by extension- had formidable allies.

She fell back on the one thing that was infallible- her years of training told her that pegasi- and unicorns- were free game to test out her sadistic fantasies. Everything was permitted down here and she was in charge, able to twist Canterlogic's ideas about how earth ponies were superior. She rarely had earth pony prisoners down here- the odd half breed notwithstanding- Posey was off the table and Jazz would take too much effort to crack. Yet Rocky here was malleable and a surefire way to make sure she wasn't getting rusty.

And so she had spent time grilling the pair of ponies again with no results. . .but Sundance felt better in control about that.

Jazz slowly got to her hooves and walked slowly to the other side of the room, careful to not step in the blood spatter that littered that side and gingerly touched Rocky's neck to check if he was still alive.

From where she was standing, it wasn't a sure thing.

His wings were bent unnaturally at a forty five degree angle away from his body. She had heard the snap of multiple bones and tried desperately to block out the whinnies that echoed through the small concrete box this place called a prison cell. She swept over his body with a light touch as she could see the mottled bruising all over him, like he was covered in ink, blues and black spots fading into yellows and gray as time had passed. She could see his labored breathing as his chest rose and fell in a hitching pattern of breaths as he tried to breathe through the pain.

She swept aside his mane and gritted her teeth as she looked upon his face. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I just wanted to. . .ask you out on date and then do more. Not sit here in a concrete cell-"

Rocky groaned and tried opening his eyes which was a nearly impossible task due to the swelling around his face, and moved his head in Jazz's direction. "I thought we already were dating."

Jazz blinked away tears as she scooted towards him. "We were? I didn't think so. I mean nopony asked- you never said that you wanted to date me. I thought we were just good friends."

Rocky wheezed out a laugh. "Oh. Yeah there's some broken ribs there. Don't make me laugh, it hurts." The pegasus inched his way back towards the wall and leaned himself on it, wincing as he did so due to the mangled mess of his wings. "Did I have to ask? We watched reality tv together, ate whole dinners together every few days, I even had a key to your house. We slept in the same bed. . ."

Jazz blushed. "That was just because it felt weird having you sleep on my couch. I mean I know how hard my couch is and I wouldn't let anypony sleep on it if there was a better arrangement. And that only happened like one time."

Rocky groaned. "Sure and I'm the King of Zephyr Heights. You know. . .I was surprised we didn't have sex then. I spent the whole night staring up at your ceiling while I wondered if your labored sleeping was a sign that you were awake and trying to give me a hint. You nearly climbed on top of me and straddled me like you were ready then you rolled over and curled beneath a wing. It was both cute and the most uncomfortable I'd felt in forever. I was worried I'd poke you in the side and wake you up. Would have been a real nightmare to explain away. I felt awful about the whole situation." Rocky coughed. "Second worst pain I felt in my life. This makes that feel like foals' play. "

Jazz cocked her head. "I sleep perfectly normal. I think." She ran a hoof through her mane in thought. "I should ask Pipp about doing a sleep study for content just to check that." She shook her head to let that thought float away in the stale air of this place. "You mean I could have asked you, at any moment, on a date and you'd have accepted it?"

Rocky painfully nodded. "Totally would have got all up in your business in a manner of speaking. . .to a normal pegasus, you're incredibly attractive. Well toned, good head on her shoulders, relatively exotic. Like most of the hobbies I have. I was shocked you didn't have a coltfriend already. For the longest time, I thought you were just attracted to mares."

Jazz looked at nothing in particular and thought of every clumsy attempt to ask Rocky out. "Are you fucking kidding me? I spent months thinking of a way to get past my nerves and cobbling together a perfect moment and that's all it would have taken? No moonlight serenade under the stars? No five course meal leading into a proposal? No beachside vacation? No long and passionate lovemaking while we watch the fireworks? No heartfelt marriage and you then rip off my garter with your teeth to show your desire?"

"You might be mentally skipping a few steps there but no. Also please get another reading hobby outside of romance novels. As a proud and card carrying member of stallionhood- you just had to be breathing." He coughed and bits of congealed blood scattered onto the floor. "Bit of a joke to lighten the mood here. . .but not too far off the mark."

Jazz crossed her hooves before going back to Rocky's side to check for more injuries. "So why didn't you? I mean I was good and ready. I wasn't writing my name in lights and inviting every stallion, but I thought I was enough of an open book to read. You should have relaized I was tongue tied around you."

Rocky tried to wave a hoof. "You always seemed so busy. Whenever I tried to ask you, you were setting up Pipp's whole schedule from sun up to sundown. Add to that your normal work at the shop and I just wanted you to have a relaxing time. Though I did try a few times. There was the whole Nightmare Night pumpkin search. I might have put in some fake clues to hint that I wanted to ask you. . ."

Jazz thought back and groaned. "That's why we went to Posey's flower shop, and the little church, and the whole view over the Bay. . .I thought those clues were hastily written and hard to read. Though they didn't look like your writing."

Rocky sighed. "I never knew how hard hoofwriting is. Sure we have phones and computers in the Heights and every pegasi knows how to use that, but the main focus for writing is wing dexterity. Every pegasi knows plume cursive. Just a few feathers to grip a pen or a quill- in a pinch an old molting feather and boom. Perfectly legible scrawl. It takes an odd pegasi . . .or the royals to know how the other races write like."

"Well shit." Jazz laid back on the cool floor and stared up at the ceiling. "I could have had a relationship without any of this. Ir only Pipp was competent at time management I could have got laid before rotting away in some awful prison."

***

"Two weeks? Your program of hardline cops arrests my wife and a few other ponies and you think detaining them for two weeks is a great compromise?" Sprout slammed his mother's desk with a hoof as he tried to stay as calm as possible. He was failing.

Phyllis ran a hoof through her unstyled mane. She hadn't left Canterlogic since the riot and she didn't plan to. Walking out on the street when the undercurrent of discourse saw her as a tyrant ready to genocide everypony brought the slight paranoia out of her. She just didn't want the situation to get worse. "Sprout, she wouldn't be your wife if you didn't gallivant across Equestria and elope with her. It would make this so much easier. Just two earth ponies, one with pegasi blood tainting them and another cavorting with the pegasi element. Simple and clean."

"They have names you know. Jazz and Rocky. They aren't just some nameless statistic to write up in some unseen report coolly explaining how there's nothing wrong in Maretime Bay."

Phyllis sighed. "There really wasn't. You know how nice it was before the influx of pegasi and unicorns came in? Sure there were a smattering of them in the Bay before. The edges of society. We could deal with those just fine. A lynching here, a disappearance there. But you know what Sunny and her friends did? They opened the gates to everypony and destroyed the perfect equilibrium we had. Now I can't look out to our town and not see pegasi about or unicorns."

"That's normal. They aren't that bad when you get to know them."

Phyllis shuddered. "I taught you better than this and. . .not that bad? I have the town on the brink of anarchy because of their unstable natures. I have a whole file on this 'Izzy Moonbow' unicorn Sunny Starscout has sex with and every other sentence is some psychotic magical anomaly or glitter flood or noise complaint. I've seen Bridlewood and Zephyr Heights, begrudgingly and the magic horns fry the unicorn brain. They become a neurotic mess. While the ability to fly causes pegasi to have oxygen deprivation that shrinks their brains. Earth ponies don't have the best-" Phyllis spat out the word like it was poison. "Magic, but we are just technologically superior. It's all about phrenology."

"That is ridiculous."

Phyllis got up and tapped a hoof on her desk. "It's scientifically proven. It's just how it is and sure maybe we were wrong on the cannibal baby stealing idea but I've rerun the riot footage for the last month over and over and over again and all I see is a dangerous element that Hitch wasn't stopping. He fucks one of them for earth's sake. And looking at the census of the town and comparing it to the Canterlogic Food Pantry records, we aren't a majority here anymore. It's an earth pony town and we're being overrun by the absolute worst refuse of Bridlewood and Zephyr Heights. . ."

Sprout looked at his mother and felt the briefest twinge of pity . "Have you gone outside?"

Sweets spoke up. "Sprout, its just not a good idea for her. She's just a bit overworked and exhausted. Put aside the rhetoric. Phyllis Cloverleaf? Outside? Now? That's an assassination attempt right there if I ever saw one. I already screen her food for poisons. Adding a whole dimension of watching each and every pony from the smallest to the largest would be a nightmare. You know how easy it is for ponies to grab knives or create explosives with magic?" The pink earth pony stared at Toots and watched him back away. "She's just stressed out. It's unprecedented times." She gripped tightly on her hoof file. "You know what? I'll call downstairs and tell the Big Brother Pony in Charge to treat your friends with colt and filly gloves. I mean it's just what your magnanimous mother would do. I should know. I've been here for years- heck I've drafted rules and carried out laws when she gets like this. It's surprisingly easy to do. Been doing something like this for a while. Simple and effective delegation- your mom says what she wants, I temper it into a nice and digestible solution to lessen culpability. One pony controlling the hydra of Canterlogic? That's just ridiculous. Who'd have the time for that?"

Sprout looked at Sweets with new eyes and realized that he hadn't paid much attention to his mother's assistant. He had written her off as just another pony his mother lorded over, a paycheck in a book. But time and this new reality had shifted the power dynamic between the two. He had been hoping to talk to his mother one on one and get her to change her mind.

He hadn't realized that she was just an impotent figurehead closed off from the world, now too scared to go outside. He breathed out and resigned himself to the terms. He wasn't happy about it, livid even, but he wasn't going to rant at a pony who had zero power and another one that already had made up her mind. "Is that an acceptable compromise, Mother?" He saw her weakly nod in his peripheral vision. "Good. Be glad I didn't choose to sleep here."

Sweets rolled her eyes. "We'd just call security and then bar you from the premises. Simple solution for a foalish problem. Now please go on and shoo. Your mother has been having such a hard time these last few months, I think you understand? Right? I mean most of her problems are your fault."

Sprout stared daggers into Sweets and angrily walked out and slammed the door behind him.

The pink pony smiled and popped a piece of gum in her mouth, quickly blowing a bubble and letting it pop. She saw the video feed of the hallway outside this fancy office and saw Sprout fruitlessly pace back and forth silently before slamming a hoof to the elevator door button in anger and skulking into the elevator like a wounded puppy. She grinned and leaned back on the couch for a moment, letting Toots stew in fear. Oh Sprout would be a problem sooner or later, but after years of running Canterlogic as the number two pony in charge, he was decidedly a simple problem dwarfed by the unrest outside these slate gray walls.

"Now Toots, I told you explicitly not to fraternize with the enemy. . ." Sweets tapped a hoof on her nail file. "But you let him in here and I didn't want to cause a whole incident. Can't just have our gang of strongmares waltz in and detain a future CEO. Think of the rumors and the headlines."

Toots nervously straightened his tie. "He found my number and we talked and well one thing led to another. . ."

Sweets shrugged. "Gonna have to read the chat log to see if that's true. Either way, I thought we were buddies. I get told what to do by Mrs. Cloverleaf, I tell you what to do. It's a nice chain of command when it works."

"That it does."

Sweets rubbed her temple. "So do your damn job next time. I have a hard enough time trying to keep this place going." Sweets glanced at Phyllis slumped in her chair. "I can't just have Sprout waltz up and make our CEO have a mental breakdown or a near one. You know how hard it is to run a company on the verge of a major collapse? Balancing the tight rope of investors and public relations, It's a draining mess. They expect their CEO to be infallible and she's just one mare." Sweets waved a hoof and Toots hightailed it out of there.

Phyllis laid her head on her desk and sat in silence. She had been doing a lot of that lately. It was like the mare that was just so bombastic and full of rage had the wind in her sails disappear and she was adrift in the ocean, a drowning mare. To Sweets, it was incredibly sad.

Sweets carefully rung up Sundance and waited a bit to see if the mare would answer her. She normally did since Sweets had set up the new Big Brother Ponies and their new police powers in carefully defined terms. They had a problem they needed to solve and she had given the order to crack down as hard as possible against rogue elements in town. Mrs. Cloverleaf had agreed once she saw the myriad reports of unrest. Sure, some of the reports were fabricated, but perception is more important than the truth sometimes.

She got Sundance's voice mail and sighed. "This is Sweets, now I won't mince words here so you can understand me- do not lay a hoof on the prisoners you got today. . .if you have already, then starting tomorrow you are going to treat them as well as you can. They get two weeks in the hole and they get out. Anything else outside of the nicest treatment you can muster and I'm cutting your funding entirely so you can understand the difficulty of training your soldiers without bits or jangles or whatever you use for money."

Sweets frowned and rubbed her head as she tried to figure out what to do. It had been so, so, so much simpler when Posey and Sprout skipped town. Would have been way, way easier if they never came back. She sighed and cantered her way up to her still quiet boss. "It's fine. Sprout just doesn't see it our way. I told you that this switch to less of the carrot and more of the stick method would be hard. And what worked before Sunny messed up the equilibrium of this fine town won't exactly work now. Unity and hugs and rainbows and all that jazz."

Phyllis Cloverleaf looked up with faint tears in her eyes. "I taught him all I know and he's just unable to see what I did for this town. I kept it stable for nearly thirty years and that should count for something. Is it my methods? Or something else.

Sweets ran a hoof through Phyllis' mane. The interview had violently shaken the normally resolute mare letting crippling self doubt take a firm root in her and Sweets' affirmations and careful twisting of reports was the only things keeping her boss going. Was it lying? In a certain point of view, but it was better than giving the town over to complete anarchy. Canterlogic was the main job market. If it collapsed, so did the Bay. Even if the current CEO was a mess of growing neuroses and self doubt, it was better to have the perception of smooth sailing. "No, the results are what matters and they worked for so, so long. It's not your fault they had to change. You never expected an alicorn or even magic to come back. Nopony could have foreseen that."

"But Sprout is married now and its not just a rumor." She ran a hoof over the tablet in front of her and traced the signatures on the marriage certificate on its small screen. Phyllis laid her head on the table again. "Maybe I was too harsh and he ran straight into the first cunt that showed him something I didn't."

Sweets rolled her eyes. "Yeah, you screwing him would have worked. . .seriously, it's probably just the Cloverleaf way. I mean you are a bit stubborn and he is too. It's what I admire in you so very, very much." Sweets stared down into Mrs. Cloverleaf's green eyes for one moment before kissing her hard on her lips and leaving it there for a moment.

Phyllis Cloverleaf reciprocated before breaking off the kiss and scooting her chair back. "I'm sorry for putting so much work on you, especially now. But its been-"

Sweets put a hoof on Phyllis' lips and grinned as she got down on her knees. "I work for you. Even if hypothetically I took all your duties as CEO and left you as a figurehead. . .which I haven't. . .I'd always do it for you. And I've just taken a few jobs- communication and the like. The difficult ones, you know how hard the public is, especially now after that trap of an interview. I'll take the worst of it and you just relax. You still have the say so and run the purse strings. I do the drudgery so you reap the rewards. Sit back and relax. Take a few drinks. Live it up a little. The program will work, Sundance and the others just need to know that Posey and Sprout are currently off limits. Iron out that and boom, everything is right back to normal Better than normal. More stable than before." Sweets stared up and winked at her boss before digging in to her favorite meal of the day and burying her snout deep into the gilded vagina. She tasted the faintest hint of bubblegum as her boss began her first of many orgasms and she lapped up the resulting flood since it wasn't a good idea to leave a drop of evidence.

What would the janitorial staff say?

It was highly inappropriate for Pony Resources, but what they didn't know didn't hurt the business. And each of them got something out of the secret arrangement. Mrs. Cloverleaf got a gentle hoof that knew myriad pleasures of the flesh and relax while Sweets got to be the true power behind the throne.

***

Sprout sat alone in Posey's kitchen and tapped a hoof upon the table, the lingering silence suffocating him as he wondered about what to do. He had never talked directly to Sweets and he hadn't expected his mother to stay so relatively quiet about her assistant being so forward about the current situation. He tapped a hoof over and over as he tried to get that nut to crack and make sense but all he came up with were images and thoughts he didn't need to see.

"Shit."

He quietly moved up his plans and decided the moment Posey got out of there he'd jump directly onto his plans. He had thought he could work slowly, building support slow and steady until he could oppose his mother for the CEO position, he had it all right there in his head, a perfect dismantling of everything Canterlogic stood for and rebuilding it into something he'd actually be proud of.

That was before.

Now he just wanted Posey back, the dull ache of loneliness sat heavy on his heart and he sighed as he didn't even want to rub one out- it just felt wrong. It wasn't like he hadn't tried, he had, but without Posey's soft touch and words he just couldn't fully get it up. So he just sat there angry at the world and unable to fuck it.

The doorbell rang and Sprout glanced at the time. A little after nine at night and he wasn't expecting anypony to show. He grumbled as he walked to the door and opened it and saw that Pipp stood there, her little tiara missing and her hair an uncharacteristic mess, her mascara running as she looked up to him.

"I'm sorry about the whole, uh, late time. . .but I've been all over town trying to find both Rocky and Jazz and you're the last hope I have to figure out where they went. I tried calling their phones but they were off or disconnected which is odd cause jazz always has her phone on her just in case I have a superstar emergency or an idea or anything and then I thought maybe they eloped. You did. But I called my mom and Bridlewood and nothing. Then I had to do a podcast but Jazz always runs the booth while I talk so I had to do an impromptu stream and that was a nightmare since she always acts as a mod and that is a-" The short pink princess trailed off as she started hyperventilating over her day.

Sprout just stood there unsure if he should shut the door or let Pipp inside. He decided against his probably better judgment to let her in. Even if he wasn't in the mood to deal with a pink princess dealing with the reality of doing things by herself. He picked her up- she was currently curled up into a ball having a crying fit- and carried her inside.

He cantered back into the kitchen and pushed her into a chair. She was still sobbing about how difficult her meetings had been without Jazz and he put that blubbering out of his mind. He briefly wondered what Hitch saw in her and decided that he easily had the better mare out of the two of them.

At least when Posey was having a moment, it was a relatable thing and not some weird influencer problem that ninety nine percent of people dealt with every single day and didn't have a complete fit over. They just moved on and dealt with it.

"Jazz and Rocky are in jail. With Posey."

Pipp looked up and wiped her face with a cloudy wing. "I looked there. I went to the Sheriff's Office and-"

Sprout rolled his eyes. "Real Canterlogic prison. I don't exactly know why, but it happened."

Pipp nodded. "So there's a second prison in this town. I hope it's like Zephyr Heights' prisons. I think Jazz needed a break and having a room to yourself where you have a whole spa treatment and smoothies and watch tv all you want would be a great thing for her. I told her to maybe take some time off and she looked at me weird. Maybe if I had told her she was going on a all expenses paid cruise with Rocky, she might have taken me up on the offer. I mean think of the possibilities and all that. I see the two of them like each other. . ."

"Yeah, one of these days I'll have to show you how prisons actually work in other places outside of your hometown."

"Now that's an idea. 'An Equestrian Guide to Prisons 101.' Think of the possibilities. Though I'd have to run it by Jazz. And we're back to the same problem."

"Tried to talk to my mom." Sprout groaned. "It didn't exactly go the way I expected. I got them to say they'd release them in two weeks."

"Two weeks? I can't just not run Mane Melody for two weeks. I have product launches planned, hair appointments to do, podcasts to record, and songs to release. It's one of the best release windows and I'm not dealing with releasing music and competing with The Rockin' Beats or Knight Shade and the Shadowettes, the idea that I push back a record for the first time in my career. . ."

"Well do it." He grit his teeth, almost ready to yell at Pipp but held his tongue. "I did all I could and that wasn't enough to get them actually out of there. I doubt you can do better." Sprout imagined Pipp strutting around town with a sign or putting Canterlogic on blast in every livestream she did. "I really doubt it." He sighed. "Sorry, long day. Do you want to stay for dinner? I was just going to put a pizza or two in the oven."

Pipp glanced at Sprout's body language and nodded. "I would like that. Do you have a healthy option, like a cauliflower crust pizza veggie supreme?"

"No. That doesn't sound edible."

Pipp sighed. "Fine. Just don't tell Zipp about me cheating on my diet- she'd never let me live it down."

Sprout got up from bed and walked over to grab a pillow from Posey's closet. He had had a fun time with Pipp watching some zombie movie that she said Hitch would never watch with her because it was "too scary" and her presence had made the house feel less empty. A voice that wasn't his echoing off the walls made him feel normal and secure. And yet here he was alone, sitting in the dark and hearing the normal sound of the house just breathing as it settled in the cool night air and the faint hum of the fridge going on and on. Sounds that he wouldn't even notice if there was Posey here with him.

He grabbed the largest pillow he could and trudged off to bed once again, the creak of the stairs telling him his ocation in the inky blackness of the house, his phone's flashlight app being the only light he had since he didn't feel like turning on a bevy of lights to walk down a hallway or two.

He returned back to the bedroom and quickly placed it in the middle of the now much larger bed- no Posey sleeping sideways or curling around him like a snake as she blissfully slept on made the cool blankets feel too cold to the touch, no body heat outside of his warming up a king size bed.

He pulled over the covers, turned off the light, and wrapped his hooves around the large pillow until it was wedged comfortably like how Posey would be sometimes where she would nuzzle up close and tease him relentlessly until they had sex over and over again.

He had grown used to it and besides the dull ache of need that radiated from his crotch, he felt much less lonely with a pillow to hold on to.

He breathed in the faint scent of Posey still lingering on the bedsheets and fitfully went to sleep.

The Art Of Self Destruction, Part Three

"String Cheese, bring me another cheese stick stuffed crust pizza with all the fixings. Cover it in cheese until it'd cause a normal pony a stomach issue. I need one. At least one." Sprout looked up from the bar seat that he was slumped in. He had grown to love the pizza place over the months since his redemption tour and compared to the Canterlogic Pizza Kitchen on the other side of town- this was the best place to clear his head. Even if it was owned by a pegasus, 'String Cheese's Pizza Explosion' knew how to build a pizza that didn't taste like cardboard.

"Sprout, you've had at least one a day for two whole weeks, that just seems dangerous, even for me." The wiry yellow pegasus tapped a hoof on the bar and tried to get the red stallion's attention. Sprout was his best customer and was knowledgeable about pizzas- enough so that the pegasus used him as a guinea pig for new creations.

"I want the true Pizza Explosion experience and I have no desire to cook since Posey is not back yet from. . .where she is. And eating myself to a food coma makes certain things easier." Sprout grunted as he felt a twinge from his undercarriage and sighed- his inability to do some simple jacking off like any normal stallion had him in a predicament. One that made his appearance at a pizza establishment near closing time make sense.

His family jewels were now obscenely swollen and they hung like two heavy bowling balls waiting for Posey to return. He had shambled on over to the Brighthouse one night and asked Izzy if there was a problem down there- he didn't want to, but the unicorn knew things that she shouldn't- or her connection to magic was just genius level nonsense. He chalked that up to "genius nonsense" since the mare just said that Posey's milking him like a breeding cow massively increased his production- and then Izzy joked that his earth pony magic was stored in the balls. Either way, if the ridiculous unicorn was joking or not, the constant stabbing pain kept him awake at night humping a pillow like a stallion possessed.

Sprout rolled his eyes. "I just have been having a terrible last few weeks not sleeping. . .and its not like going to work is a great idea. The Big Brother Ponies have the town by the balls. . ." Sprout shook his head and sighed. His mind was focused on one thing- sex and more sex. "Sorry, sorry, just down and in a mood."

"That's rough, I've been there, but I'm cutting you off after this one, its like ten thousand calories per pizza. You've had two. I can't have Canterlogic raid my place with an army of health inspectors- then what will Maretime Bay have for pizzas? Not the place across from Canterlogic, that's for sure."

Sprout rolled his eyes. "Don't worry, Canterlogic Pizza Kitchen is just a front for money laundering- I should know. I've seen how they make their pizzas and unfortunately had the displeasure of trying their attempts at food. Sure, your food is either unhealthy to the extreme or odd combinations of toppings, but there's an actual attempt at doing something creative. Even if I don't know why somepony would want a burrito flavored calzone wrapped in hay bacon strips."

String Cheese shrugged. "I have a certain type of clientele that love that kind of excess. Most ponies just order the classics, it's ponies like you that order the nightmare food to your detriment." The pegasus stallion shook his head at Sprout. "You've put on weight. From one stallion to another. Just saying. Also didn't think you could grow a beard, didn't seem like the type."

Sprout crossed his hooves and sighed. He had been stress eating and with Posey not putting him through the sexual ropes, he had glanced only briefly into a mirror once or twice. Having somepony mention it to his face told him it wasn't just a trick of the light or bad posture. "Just finish the pizza, dude. And I'll feel better once Posey is back. Should be tomorrow morning." He hoped that was the case, but he wasn't entirely sure.

At least Sweets hadn't seemed to lie to him.

***

Jazz scooted closer to Rocky to share the blanket that Sundance had angrily shoved into their cell one day. It was a ratty thing and not the warmest, but they made it work since it just gave them privacy to get close. She wished Rocky could wrap his golden wings around her, but it was enough to just lay her head on his shoulder and think about the future. She knew he was thinking of something similar when she felt his rod poke her backside.

"Sorry, I didn't. . .its just we keep having to be close, Jazz." Rocky blushed, his bruises faded and faint since for some odd reason Sundance hadn't waltzed back in and continued her questioning. Not that either of them minded. They got stale bread and gruel but it was a better existence than the howling echoes of the faceless ponies that also were down here. Their only existence was their hoarse voices and Sundance's hurried anger.

Jazz breathed out. "It's fine. And its not like I didn't try something to lighten the mood. Or get back at the mare who did this to you. . . ." Sundance's pink mane flashed through her mind as she tried to relax. "But that's not very good of me."

Rocky sighed. "Probably not. Anyway, if we get out of here. . .what would you like to do first? Me? I'd like to get my wings fixed and then I'd probably curl up with a bad reality tv show and like a gallon of ice cream and just relax. Maybe with you." Rocky blushed. "Maybe do more though that's up to how I feel after whatever needs to be done to fix this. " Rocky only briefly glanced back at his mangled wings. "Yeah."

Jazz smiled and leaned into Rocky, not caring that a certain part of his anatomy was totally poking her in the tit with how she was angled under the blanket. With how terrible he had looked after Sundance's little talk, she had wondered, if only for a moment, if he'd be able to use his lower half. "I'd like that. But first I'd go up to Pipp and renegotiate our business arrangement- I can't get all the work without seeing some of the profits. I mean imagine how terrible she has to be doing. I ran her life so well and I'm gone for two weeks? Immediate critical failure." Jazz sighed and leaned into Rocky, smelling his licorice scent as she carefully laid her head on his shoulder. "But then I'd totally take you up to my bedroom and do good clean fun. I'm nowhere near as adventurous as Pipp in the bedroom- nor as insane as Posey with how I've heard things through the grapevine. Sometimes just a mare and a stallion doing completely average things sounds nice. I mean my work life is so nutty sometimes a real boring time is great. You know how that feels?"

Rocky nodded. "Of course. Though counterpoint to that. . .have you ever wondered what having sex on a cloud would feel like?"

Jazz rolled her eyes. "I'm an earth pony, no, no I haven't thought about that. Can't even think of how the logistics of that would work. A hang glider? Some weird strap mechanism attached to your chest? Balloons?"

Rocky shrugged. "We could figure that out together. Now do you want me to warm up the blanket the normal way or not?"

Jazz smiled ever so briefly, "Second option. The fun way. I'll help you shift position if you need to- what with your wings and all."

Rocky smiled back and shook his head. "I need to get back my strength. Rocky carefully slid down the wall and crawled under the blanket, a low and barely perceptible moan came from him as he grazed a wing on the concrete, an intake of breath and then no more as he slid between Jazz's legs and felt the heat radiating off of her, the dark brown hair glinting with faint wetness as he darted out his tongue and felt pressure surround him like a velvet vise, her legs keeping him gently in position as he started the pair's new nightly ritual to spite this prison.

Having sex with his best friend and co-worker was a secondary bonus.

Jazz's voice joined the prison's cacophony of voices, but hers was singing pleasures instead of pain.

***

Posey shaded her face with a hoof, her eyes still adjusting to the light of the sun after so long in artificial underground darkness. She had waved Jazz and Rocky off- they had briefly mentioned going to the Brighthouse to fix his twisted wings. She didn't want to think too hard on how that would be fixed- she had some ideas and none of them were too pleasant.

She walked towards her place in a quick trot since she wanted to check up on Sprout. He hadn't welcomed her back the moment she stepped outside, though she bet that Canterlogic hadn't told him she'd get out when she did. She heard faint whispers as she passed through the market stalls, ponies she didn't exactly know the names of, their faces slightly more recognizable. . .she had to have sold some flowers to a few of them years ago, but their words picked up her notice more than anything. They acted like a gaggle of gossiping geese as they passed their jocular laughter lighting up the stalls. Posey slid behind a stall to eavesdrop on the mares.

"Hey, is it just me or is Sprout hot now?"

"Maybe. He is definitely rocking a breedable daddy bod now."

"I know, right? And it was all Seashell glancing at him when he was walking into the pizza shop and seeing he has a nice pair of. . .y'know ripe melons. He didn't have those before. Maybe he did. I doubt it. I wouldn't know how he was hiding those if they are natural."

"I know how. He'd just have to use my mouth. Though that would be difficult, he looks like he's smuggling two bowling balls. And I don't think he goes bowling. . ."

Peals of marish glee peeled out of the mares.

"So he's seeing Posey, right?"

Scoffs and jeers rang out.

"Posey? I'm better than she is, I have a better job and am way more approachable. Right, girls?"

Posey fumed. She got up and stormed over to the mares, who noticed her right before she walked in their midst. She had just got out of prison and her need to correct the record on who exactly owned Sprout's reproductive capabilities due to legal reasons won out. "Hello, uh, whoever you are."

"I'm Gingerbread, Posey, I went to school with you." The white earth pony mare rolled her eyes and ran an annoyed hoof through her bluish, black mane- pink highlights sprinkled throughout. Posey knew Pipp's hoofwork immediately since it looked far too complex a dye job to pull off. She grimaced at the thought that she complimented Pipp for something.

"It's been forever, Ginger. What exactly do you do now?"

"Baking, duh, went right into the Canterlogic system and I run their bakery. 'A Hint of Gingerbread', its incredibly popular and all that. I mean Canterlogic told me they want to expand the company into Bridlewood and Zephyr Heights, isn't that impressive?"

Posey shrugged. "Sure, I don't know how to bake half the stuff you probably know how to do. My cutie mark is all about flowers and flower arranging and growing flowers. Might have missed something I'm good at, but you and I do two very different things. Both run businesses though."

Gingerbread smiled, though her smile didn't reach her eyes which stared coldly at Posey. "And so why exactly did you approach me? Just to catch up and all? You know we have the internet for that?"

Posey cocked her head. "You know me. I sometimes forget what new stuff pegasi have come up with. You know, because I was in my feelings about change and all. . .nearly caused a race war doing that. Which was totally my bad. I grew from that, learned vaguely how to turn the other cheek and all. Most of the time. But you know what really gets my notice?"

"What?"

Posey walked closer to Gingerbread, who stepped back once she realized that Posey was taller than she remembered from school. "I get out of prison, no worries everypony, it was a misunderstanding. But I get out and I hear some ponies talking about Sprout like he's some slab of meat to ogle over. Some catch to lord over others. And the problem is, you're talking about a stallion already claimed by me."

Gingerbread laughed. "Yeah like Sprout Cloverleaf would actually choose you. Sure he's been seen around you and all but its like a rumor ponies came up with. Plus even if it was true. . .you know what ponies say about you. Like you could be in a relationship that lasted longer than a day." Gingerbread cattily crossed her hooves. "You know how many stallions you were with long term in school."

Posey's eye twitched. She had attempted to be normal in school- the worry of her mixed heritage coming out had sent her into a spiral of flings, attempts to find some kind of solid footing and her methods had scared away a few colts. She had ogled Sprout from afar while not having her heart truly in others- dances, picnics, and community events had told her to find dates and the only eyes she had were for Sprout and his compliments that had filled the hole in her heart for a short time.

"I'm not who I was in highschool, Gingerbread. Neither are you. You should ask a pegasus in Zephyr Heights next time about who exactly Sprout Cloverleaf married recently. You'd be rather shocked."

Gingerbread rolled her eyes. "You know I'm not going to run the Zephyr Heights bakery expansion- the mountain air would make me go nutty. That's what we have pegasi for. So just tell me this hot goss or go away."

Posey smiled. "You're looking at her. And due to me being. . .I dunno. . .halfway pregnant? Hard to tell right now. Feels like six months now though going to prison for a few weeks made my count get a bit wacky." Posey slid up to the smaller mare and bent down to whisper in the cocksure mare's ear. "I'm the only mare than can breed Sprout. And marvel at his size." Posey glanced between all the catty mares who had been talking about Sprout and sized them up. "And looking at all of you, I can easily say nopony here but me can take him. Unless you are part unicorn and can conjure a pocket pussy dimension, I don't think you can take his fifth leg at all."

Gingerbread sputtered as she tried to compose herself. "Y-you're lying. Sprout wouldn't go for a mare like you. His mother wouldn't allow it. The company wouldn't allow it."

Posey coldly laughed. "Oh she didn't. But we did it anyway. And if you think I'm lying about the marriage- its public record. Can't really get more official. Heck, I think I saw some newsponies in the wedding afterparty." She walked back and stared daggers at each of the ponies that had slighted her stallion's worth by just seeing him as a piece of meat. He had feelings and dreams outside of just being tied to his name or his pedigree. "Tell everypony in town that Sprout Cloverleaf is completely and utterly claimed by me, his wife, and he enjoys my company. Now I'm going to go to the house that I own and meet my husband and work off two weeks of passionate lovemaking that we missed out on."

Posey stomped off, leaving her words ring in the silence that followed. If ponies hadn't fully learned that the two of them were wed- they would soon since gossip like that would run out like wildfire and burn the sexual fantasies of an entire town down with it. Because mares like Gingerbread wouldn't let such gossip be unsaid. It was too thrilling, too painful, too true to fully hide.

***

"Okay, Sunny, just think of this as the normal late night fun we have. Just its not you being tied up with rope and getting weird and wonderful magic on. Breathe, Sunny." Izzy touched her horn to Sunny's chest and used a modicum of her magic to sent pulses of soothing cold to Sunny. Her luminescence and sparkle was all out of wack. "Now Rocky, bite down on this piece of wood."

Rocky nervously looked at Jazz. "Izzy, I don't think this is a great idea."

Izzy crossed her hooves. "Sure, I'm not certified in hospital stuff, but Zipp's right over there pouring over some medical text I've never heard of. . ."

"Doctor Wonder's Cyclopedia of Pegasi Complaints, Maladies, and Common Worries, Tenth Edition. Bit out of date by like seventy odd years but I remember enough from when I got the royal treatment in Zephyr Heights' best training hospitals. We need to re-break his wings so they can truly heal properly. . .and a few other things but with magic, it should be a simple, if not entirely fun procedure."

Izzy shrugged. "Blah, blah, blah. See Rocky, she's the makeshift doctor. I mean I have a doctorate. Self taught in Sparkleology, Glitter Mechanics, and General Fun. With a side helping of Magic Studies. Though that's a new one thanks to Sunny here. So between Zipp telling me what to do and my creativity, we're gonna get you patched up just fine."

Jazz laid a hoof on one of Rocky's and nodded. "Okay, if you guys think it'll work."

Izzy gripped both mangled wings in her magic and breathed out. "This is going to hurt. Jazz, place the wood so Rocky doesn't bite through his tongue." Jazz nervously placed the hunk of wood and her stallion bit down. "Okay then." Izzy put as much force as possible on both of Rocky's wings. . .

***

Posey opened her front door and tried not to slam it shut behind her. She was a mare with a purpose and that purpose was letting out two weeks of frustration out on Sprout's pleasure pole. She cantered into the kitchen, calling Sprout's name and noticing the disarray of the house as she passed empty pizza boxes and the dishes stood proudly in the sink unwashed. She groaned at the thought of cleaning up this mess. "Sprout, I'm back."

A half hearted mumble came from upstairs. She trotted upstairs and threw open the bedroom door and stood there in a bit of a shock. She had expected Gingerbread and her posse to be playing up Sprout's attributes- horny mares that were able to look but not touch tended to in her own opinion. . .

Sprout waved a hoof and yawned. "Sorry, I would have ambled on over to welcome you back in society, but the last time I went out in public during the day it kind of caused a scene." Sprout scratched the blonde stubble that was on his face and awkwardly ran through his messy mane that hung around his shoulders. He rolled over and groaned as he rolled over on his nuts, the testicular pair fighting for space between his thighs and his knees, the orbs now firmly each now bigger than his head. "Give me a hoof, please?"

Posey was conflicted. On one hoof, she liked the more rugged look of Sprout, the scruffy beard did things that the Sprout she had fallen head over hooves for, the smoldering look in his eye, the plush middle that. . .looked to be twenty pounds heavier. . .Posey shook her mind away from the daydream of being ravaged by a husky stallion and firmly planted her hooves in reality. "Sprout, what the fuck. I was gone for two weeks and you gained like twenty pounds?" She gripped one of his hooves in hers and hoisted him up to a sitting position.

Sprout nervously tapped his hooves together. "I, uh, well you look as good as ever, Posey."

Posey crossed her hooves. "If so help me I look in the freezer and all our food is gone, I'm going to be pissed. I came back to rut you like an animal and going out for groceries isn't on that itinerary."

Sprout's eyes lit up for a moment. "Oh, good. I only had like three pizzas. Well two, but Pipp ate the third one. She's doing well now it seems, though it was kind of a shock for her to appear on our doorstep asking where Jazz and Rocky went off too. . .how are they doing?"

Posey pushed that attempt to change the subject right out the window. "I don't care about Pipp. I'm talking how you gained like twenty pounds of fat and probably the same amount right into that coin purse of yours. . .I don't mind that but I went to prison when you looked like you had a fifth leg and some ripe melons. Not that. That looks so swollen it has to hurt."

Sprout sheepishly looked down in shame. "It aches like something fierce. But its mostly fine. I asked Izzy about it and she said all my earth pony magic was stored in my balls. Dunno if that was a joke to cut the tension or not since I can't understand if she's actually knowledgeable about magic or just faking it so hard it becomes true. I hope she doesn't have the magical skill to mess with reality. That'd be awful. And its not like I didn't try to do stuff with it to alleviate the swelling. . .its just that when I tried it, I got in my head and, without your touch, it just didn't feel right. Too rough and painful in a whole other way than the ache of release unfulfilled- with how much I wanted it, it felt like my hooves were sandpaper. . .and I did try to use magic to see if that would make it go down, but its hard to focus with this."

"And the chubby middle that I'm still trying to figure out if I like or not? Though that's just cause I walked into your 'dad bod' fan club and seeing that they weren't making shit up is infuriating. I thought they were exaggerating some of the grander aspects of your anatomy just for a thrill. That and they wanted to claim you, which I set right cause all of this, even the changes here, is mine to do with as I please. I mean I leave you be for two weeks and you turn into a mess." Posey poked Sprout's dome of a tummy feeling little resistance as she did and felt the hard muscle still underneath just shrouded in a layer of fat that would make the average pony think he had fully let himself go. "Okay so its not a complete waste just you hide it well."

Sprout blushed. "They thought I was hot?"

Posey raised an eyebrow. "Careful. But yes, they thought you were attractive thanks to them finally getting to see how hung you were. Too bad you are already married. . .remember that Sprout."

Sprout sputtered. "S-sorry, sorry. Just that with how Hitch got all the attention due to the calendars and I never got a Sprout fan club. . ." he sighed. "Probably wouldn't have done my whole Emperor Sprout thing if mares thought I was attractive."

Posey frowned. "Which would have been their loss cause I thought you were nice and attractive before that. The whole Emperor bit? That made me gush with appreciation." Posey ran a hoof over his slight beard and felt the difference of his smooth red coat change to the wiry bristles of his blonde facial hair. "Though this change is a nice second. Makes you seem distinguished. Would be awesome and all, but squaring that with how my house looks downstairs, that hides something that you aren't telling me. Because you were usually so good at keeping our little house clean."

Sprout looked away for a moment before leaning into Posey's hooves. "I tried to get you out as soon as I heard. Stormed up there to Canterlogic to give my mom a piece of my mind. . .but she's not doing too well. Probably. It's hard to completely tell with my mom. . .Sweets talked to me the most when I was up there and my mom just looked broken."

Posey rolled her eyes. "Isn't that a good thing? I mean I hate your mom and you dislike your mom. Like the whole world despises your mom. She's awful. That's a win-win in my book sort of."

Sprout weakly nodded. "But I know my mom and even at her worst, I could plan for her. But I went up there ready to argue your case and it didn't go to plan." Sprout breathed out. "Sweets created the new police force. . .she pretty much runs Canterlogic now."

Posey shrugged. "Eh, not too surprising."

Sprout blinked. "This is a big deal. How is this not surprising?"

Posey slid up to her stallion and rested a hoof on one of his swollen balls, feeling the warmth radiate off it like it was the sun and she could feel the nervous beat of his heart through the taught scrotum. She smiled at the lewd thoughts dancing through her brain for a moment before stuffing two weeks of lascivious ideas away. "Sprout, I got a nose for these things. And with how terrible your mom was, its not surprising her right hoof mare is a cunt. It takes a special type of pony to handle all of Canterlogic's shit. You being the one pony probably able to wrangle all the heads of the company together without turning into a bastard. Most ponies in that position aren't you." She kissed Sprout, the touch of his lips like water in a desert. "We're a team, Mr. Cloverleaf. If this plan of takeover doesn't work, there are alternative options. Burn it all down for one and rebuild from the ashes. Or just let it go and do something else. I own a flower business. . .how did Izzy say it again? Something like you have super strong earth pony magic? We could make a killing selling flowers. Whatever you choose to do, I'm there for you. Plus the stress had to have been getting to you. I mean what is this again?" She prodded him in the stomach, as she turned her focus back onto his rapid weight gain.

Sprout sighed. "Easy. I tried so hard to get you three out and failed, I went into a depression. And pizza is always there to fill something. It just so happens you left a really big hole in your absence. You know the pizza place we got. . .together."

Posey rolled her eyes. "The place where I nearly gave you a hoofjob and it turned out your dick was the size of a normal pony's leg? How could I forget? Well that and I was this close on walking out when I found out the owner was a pegasus. Didn't even know they could make pizza. I thought they ate rocks and air." Posey sighed. "Though, to be honest, he knows how to make a good pizza." She looked at Sprout and crossed her hooves. "Never tell anypony that I said that. I'd never live that down."

Sprout chuckled. "I won't. So yeah, in short, I decided to fill the hole that your absence left with as much pizza as possible. Mostly the worst ones so I could stuff myself silly. The mozzarella stick stuffed crust, the works variety. Dessert pizzas, breakfast pizzas." Sprout looked away in shame. "I shouldn't have done that, but I shouldn't have done a lot of things. Like sleep with a pillow that smelled like you. Probably made these worse." He looked down at his baby batter orbs and sighed. "Two weeks without you and it paralyzed me."

Posey rolled her eyes. That was both one of the silliest things Sprout had said in a while and secretly kind of touching- not that she would outright say that his failure to keep it together was attractive, but she was a mare and she had read enough romance novels to attempt to fit in with Maretime Bay mare society and Sprout was hitting all the boxes of a fixable stallion in her head. This wasn't completely pathetic, this was accidental foreplay. "I told you the pizza and ice cream diet is for when we fuck like rabbits, Sprout, and you took out the sex bit. . ." She slid up to his ear and leaned into Sprout, their middles pressing into one another before the two's lips met again, their tongues darting between their mouths in a dance, weeks of need causing Sprout's steel rod to arc upwards and push the two of them apart due to its girth and size. Posey broke the kiss and ran a hoof through Sprout's messy mane. "It took you six months, but its normal to gain sympathy weight, Sprout. Now its what you do with it that counts. Now let's see what we're working with."

Posey looked down and quickly guessed part of Izzy's idea of how Sprout stored his magic was at least partially correct, since she had months of knowing exactly how Sprout's pillar of perfection fit inside her and it was still ridiculous for everypony besides her, but it was noticeably bigger and she pushed Sprout back on the bed, not caring that she hadn't showered- Sprout knew what she naturally smelled like. Posey watched as the four foot dick rose to the sky and she felt a waterfall of need hit her, her desire pooling between her thighs for a moment before she stood up and mounted Sprout like an ancient and rock hard statue needing to be worshipped. She had been fantasizing about this moment for weeks and she was ready to show how much she cared about her husband and his platinum rod.

Sprout humped away furiously as he tried to get weeks of cum out of him, his view of her focused on her up and down motions, Posey enveloping his entire length like a black hole- he was unable to escape her vagina's pull on him. He watched her try to get off of him whenever she hit the apex of his magnum dong, but due to its size it still had six inches in her whenever she was on the tips of her hooves. Then she'd rock back down with purpose and stop right before she sat directly on his nuts, the brush of her pink hair that only he got to see tickling them as she descended and stayed there. He was in bliss as she rode him like a bucking bronco, her hips were a piston to milk him for all he was worth.

"Sprout, you aren't a stallion anymore." Posey panted out as she tried to let her body stretch and shift around Sprout's new impressive size. She had firmly thought he was the biggest stallion in Equestria, and with the few weeks away, he had fully taken that spot. "No, you are a stud." She huffed out as she took his girth, the closest thing she could think of was a wine bottle and she felt her insides ache with both her need and the slight pain of stretching around him. It was a good pain and told her that she was alive and free, out of that prison. "You're mine. You're a stud and you belong to me." She slid down his length and sat there for a moment to let the rocking in her insides become normal for their foal.

She moaned in pleasure as the first of many orgasms hit and she rode the wave. She missed this. She looked down at Sprout, his brow glistening with sweat and his eyes glowing green with magic as he lifted Posey off the bed and arched his back to venture as deep as he could in her velvet chambers. He locked eyes with her and deeply sighed as he felt his cojones slap against her one final time before he blacked out from the waves of pleasure that hit his brain the moment the flood released.

Sprout opened his eyes slowly and felt the shining light of the fluorescent bulbs blind him. He searched for a light switch or something to shade his eyes, but finding neither he just decided to lay there, feeling damp and sticky from what he guessed was all of the cum that stained the bed.

He breathed out and fumbled for his phone on the bedside table and quickly slid through the unlock code and glanced at the time. It was nearly ten at night and he grimaced as an aching pain arched up his back. He groaned and hoped he hadn't pulled something during the pair's intense rutting. "Posey, are you there?"

Posey rolled over and slid into Sprout's embrace, her head resting on his shoulder, his slight beard rough on her cheek as she looked up to gaze into his green eyes. "I'm here. Barely." She gingerly patted her middle. "We're going to have to restart a good regimen to get both of us back into shape because taking that thing between your legs shouldn't leave me like this." She kissed him lightly on the cheek. "I have a reputation to maintain and getting laid out by something like that shouldn't happen. Don't expect for me to leave you out of sight for two weeks anytime soon though. . ." Posey winked. "If I did, your terrific testicles would roll over the city like one of those monster movies. Or at least you'd need some help to move around. Though I wouldn't completely hate that since there would be some upsides."

Sprout blushed. "I sure hope that won't happen. I already think these are too unwieldy. I mean I tried walking like normal and it just led to me squishing my legs into my sides and nearly kicking myself in the nuts. I actually did that once yesterday. Laid me out for an entire hour as I dealt with the pain." Sprout groaned at the memory. "I hoped they would shrink back down to normal after the. . ." Sprout glanced at the digital clock and quickly did the mental math. "ten hours of rutting we just did."

Posey chuckled. "Guess not. But I can teach you how to walk with a package like that. It's easy, just add a sway to your hips and walk with careful precision and boom, problem solved. That's what most stacked mares do. Or did you think it was easy having fantastic tits for stallions to ogle at? It's that or you just shuffle everywhere. Though with how you have a slowly growing fan club, I think they wouldn't mind that."

Sprout groaned. "Great, I'm already terrible at running. You’re telling me to just give up on running forever."

Posey curled up and smiled. "With how you told me about your race with Sunny, I don't think you have a hope of winning marathons anytime soon. Now what is even open at this time of night cause I'm starving and I want to be prepared for rounds two and three." Posey traced a hoof around Sprout's chest. "I need you to work off some of this extra weight so all the mares know who to vote for when you do your CEO vote push. . .I may despise their lustful looks after your loins, but we can use that for something positive. Like how Hitch made everypony horny for him thanks to some dumb calendars."

Sprout sighed. "This time of night? It's pizza time."

"We can split the worst pizza we can imagine then. You have no idea how terrible the food was in prison. I know it was supposed to be bad but it was just so bland. And it gave me horrible stomach pain. Though that might have been the little one not getting their daily pizza." Posey kissed Sprout on the forehead for a moment before sitting there and smelling his scent, the faint hint of clovers and peppermint in the air beneath the smell of sweat. "I missed you."

"Me too."

“Oh and I definitely missed these too. . .” Posey ran a hoof over the swell of Sprout’s family jewels and felt him lazily twitch as she did so. She grinned as she ran a hoof over his treasure trail, the golden hair standing out in his coat. She breathed out and rolled over. “But that’s for later. You think your weird pizza friend would care if we took a shower or not?”

Sprout bit his lip as he tried to calm himself down again. “I-I don’t think he’d mind. There’s not. . .uh, that many ponies there at this time of night. And the ones that are. . .are less worried about how it looks if we walked in like this.”

Posey rolled her eyes. “Ah yes, the unicorn stoners.” She stretched her hooves up and swept a hoof through her mane. “Eh, probably good enough. Now do you need a hoof or two to get up or are you good?”

Sprout rolled over and sighed as he felt his weight shift back towards his new center of gravity. He kicked his hooves and sighed as he couldn't get up due to his legs shaking from near exhaustion. “Yeah, I need to work out more. Give me a hoof and then walk me through how to make this work.”

Posey giggled. “As long as you let me do whatever I want when we get back. I still have two weeks of sexual thoughts about us to work through- and we haven’t gotten to the ideas with straps or dildos yet. And then once your all good and spent there's still all the oral exams I need too.” Posey winked and walked over to Sprout's side of the bed.

Sprout rolled his eyes. “Have you seen me right now? I’m a captive audience.” He shrugged. “What will the safe word be this time? Mayonnaise? Salad? Vitamins? Give me some time to think about it over pizza and I’m down for anything. . .I’m just glad I don’t have to use a pillow to fake another pony’s touch anymore. Couldn't invite Hitch over to try and get my mind off things cause he'd probably ask about how I was holding up and feel bad and start being all weird about things.”

Posey kissed Sprout on the lips and held it there until the both of them had to break it off for air. “You get the real thing right here, right now and I’m not leaving you alone ever again. That's my public service to the town right now.” She grabbed his hooves and slowly walked him through how to comfortably walk again.

***

Hitch wheeled around Pipp's small studio and pressed the buttons in the sequence outlined by the manual that was hidden underneath the switchboard. He heard the hum of the microphones turning on and he quickly balanced the audio so the audience wouldn't complain about feedback and anything else that would impact the podcast. He tapped along to one of Pipp's unreleased tracks and heard Sparky in the next room, baby monitor right next to him as he worked.

He slid up to the second mic and pointed at Pipp.

"Good evening everypony, this is Pipp Petals and this is the Pippcast. Sorry for the last two weeks, my loyal subscribers and fans, technical difficulties and the like were rampant as me, myself and Hitch here came to grips with the back end of tech that my great second in command, Jazz, did for us. Now we have some fun tracks to show off for my album and some gossip about Melody and Night Shade getting together. Something cute and light for the whole family what with how Maretime Bay is now. Right, Hitch?"

Hitch pressed the button to respond. "Right, Pipp, and no worries everypony, the rumors of me losing my job outright due to Canterlogic downsizing and replacing the whole department is only slightly true. The Sheriff's Office might be replaced by these new cops, but I wasn't fired, I decided to resign. No worries, I have a ton of skills that makes getting back into the job market great. I'm great with foals and animals and I ran that place like a well oiled machine."

"That's right, Hitchie, you ran that great. Like in the bedroom."

Hitch glanced at Pipp through the glass. "Uh, Pipp, that's not exactly my name. . .and you said the second part out loud. Into a live microphone.”

"Oh. Uh, that slipped out." Pipp glanced over to the livestream's chat and noticed the wall of text quickly scrolling as the chat caught up. "Now everypony settle down please." She sighed and decided to rip off the bandage- not like she hadn't planned to fully spring the news on everypony, some of her Pony Fans subs were guessing it was a bit odd to have a stallion like Hitch waiting in the wings since Jazz 'disappeared'- but she had thought it would be a slow reveal not a PR headache.

Though she did have bad luck when it came to revealing private info. “So looks like this is quickly turning into an impromptu Q&A session. . .yes everypony, this is my stallion-friend. And yes for those wondering he was the one on Pony Fans. I'm all for supporting any lifestyle between consenting adults, but I'm firmly a one partner mare. Next question and thank you all for the rain of bits. We appreciate any money you give.”

The Art Of Self Destruction, Part Four

"Sprout, I need a couple black tulips, a rose bouquet, and a couple hostas for the few orders I'm behind on." Posey ran through her list of orders and sighed as she was being buffeted by success. She figured parading Sprout about while talking about her little flower business would cause a flood of orders. What she didn't expect was that Gingerbread's little spat and fallout had permeated the gossip of the town so thoroughly that every horny mare in a twenty mile radius was flocking to their little store. Some crazy pegasi were flying fifty miles out of the way just to see what the fuss was about.

Sprout came out the back room and sighed. "Good thing you have me here. I keep trying to tell you how earth pony magic works and you just can't seem to fully grasp it." He ran a hoof through his short beard and hummed to himself as he moved around the shop. "I looked in the back and there wasn't anything fully grown- though we have some seeds and with a bit of a green hoof. . ." Sprout planted a few seeds in a couple free pots and quickly rubbed his hooves together and placed them in the soil. Within a couple seconds, the plants that Posey needed were in full bloom. "I hate that I'm good at this. Feels wrong in a way. Canterlogic said how dangerous magic was and I'm fantastic at this." Sprout sighed as he remembered the last time he had truly let himself go with the earth pony magic and shuddered. He didn't need a memory of Sugar Moonlight and her lackeys. "Is that all?"

Posey rolled her eyes. "Sprout, you just did like six months of careful and meticulous watering and planting in like sixty seconds. You know how much effort that would have taken me to do the non-magic way?" Posey kissed her stallion and sighed. "I used to be unable to sell flowers out of season. With your little green hooves, I can sell whatever I want. At whatever size I want." She remembered Sprout's few furtive attempts recently and some of those roses were the size of dinner plates. "I think your little gift pays for itself." She hugged him close and felt her squish into his slightly plush self that she had slowly grown to appreciate over the last few days. Her first look at him had been judgmental due to her anger at the gaggle of mares that objectified him so very, very much, but with the lessening of time, she had grown to appreciate all of Sprout.

"I love you, Sprout."

Sprout blushed, the color of his coat making it hard to notice to most ponies. But Posey wasn't most ponies. "I know that."

Posey hugged him tight. "I just wanted to let you know so you don't go running off with all the random mares that keep mentioning if you are free or open to. . .how did that one mare put it? Sow your wild oats. I told her that you probably weren't able to do that for serious reasons. Like marriage. I don't know if she got the hint or not. You know how some of these unicorns can be. Pushy and odd."

"That's mostly just Izzy."

Posey crossed her hooves. "Well still."

Sprout chuckled. "Well see you in a bit, I set up an appointment with the Election Office so we can get this little vote going. Shouldn't take all that long. But Canterlogic is Canterlogic so don't be surprised if it takes hours. I'll have my phone on me if you need anything."

***

"What is this even saying? Pipp I was gone for two weeks and you spilled the beans that you and Hitch are in a relationship live on air?" Jazz ran a hoof through her mane and watched Pipp nervously tap her hooves together in shame. Or nerves. Jazz had taken away the popstar's phone for all of ten hours and the pegasus wasn't normally used to no phone time.

"It just slipped out, honest. You know how easy that is sometimes. Like you just think up something so good and fun to say that it just flies on out."

"Pipp that's not how its supposed to work. I'm your assistant, sort of manager and PR representative rolled into one for a reason. And that reason was?"

Pipp rolled her eyes. "I keep saying stuff live by accident. And not showing up to meetings. I only spoiled the whole Gala like four times because I kept showing off the themes and all the best dresses. Who could blame me? The Zephyr Heights Gala is like the most hype influencer event ever known in Equestria. And I was like fourteen. That was ages ago."

Jazz looked at her employer and groaned. "I wasn't talking about that. I was talking about all the other times you got so excited about something it just slipped out. You know how many ponies I had to turn away last time you showed off the newest prototype of the makeup line? Like a hundred. Honestly I'm surprised that didn't turn into a riot. You tell one too many high-strung ponies that they can't get what they want and its a logistical nightmare."

"What Jazz here is trying to say is that we are super glad we're back." Rocky grinned as he draped himself over a chair, careful not to sit normally due to his heavily bandaged wings. "And anyway it sounds like both of you had an interesting two weeks. I mean walk down the street and its 'Hitch is the most amazing pony known to ponykind since he bedded a princess'. It's just funny and Jazz here learned how to open up. Win-win."

Jazz blushed crimson. "I- well, yes. Technically. But Rocky, it's the nature of the thing. I told Queen Haven that she didn't have to worry about anything ever when it came to royal perception. I promised that and every time I turn my head there's some new disaster or accident that makes them look bad."

Rocky shrugged. "Tabloids gonna tabloid. It's not like you could do anything about that. So deep breaths." Rocky booped Jazz's snout and smiled. "Anyway what was number one on your little prison docket? Something about a little talk about boundaries and the like?"

Jazz shook her head and sighed. "Yeah." She opened her bag and rifled through it for her notes she had carefully prepared over days, the drafts of her planned speech looping and changing as she had written them, piles of failed attempts had littered her floor and this final attempt was the best and most focused draft to figure out how the weird impossible knot of being a good friend to her actual boss that pays her entire salary while standing up to the absolute headache of Pipp's flights of fancy. "Okay, so. . ."

Pipp stared at Jazz as she tried to comprehend the presentation she just had. She tapped her hooves together and sighed. "That's a lot. Sure I'd have to change some things to get you to have multiple days off. Not that I mind. I mean its been a few years since we had this kind of understanding and I might have been. . .taking some advantage of you. But the money came in so well after Parfum Le Pipp and then it just snowballed from there. I thought you were taking it well since you never really complained about it."

Jazz rolled her eyes for a brief second. "I didn't complain cause I never had time to. If I took time to breathe and relax you'd have missed like ten appointments and two album releases. Not that its bad you took time out of your day to do everything for your fans. . .Electric Blue, Melody, or Night Shade combined don't do as much as you in that way. It's just you don't know how to say no. Like at all."

Pipp cringed. "I know of the word. It's in my vocabulary. I just feel bad saying it. Being both a princess and a pop star means if I decided not to do something I'd disappoint either royal duties or fans and I just decided not to do that. Disappoint ponies."

Jazz glanced at Rocky.

"What Jazz here is trying to say is that you don't have to pack in two weeks of work in like four days. I took a look at the time sheets and books and everything and you have like an hour to yourself a day for the next three years."

"That's good right? I mean I've found time to date Hitch and I'm doing fantastic there."

Rocky swiveled in the chair to face Pipp. "Does he ever mention that you're on your phone during a date?"

Pipp thought back and ran through the last few dates and sighed as she found times in her recollections that he mentioned something. Not enough for her to see an outright pattern until now when it was brought up, but a pattern nonetheless. "Maybe? But that's just Hitch, he's not on social media. Heck, it took me like two days to get him to agree to be on PonyFans. Usually if I ask somepony its like an immediate yes so it was a bit odd when he took so long. . ."

"Pipp, that's normal. Jazz and I are mostly fine with getting cameras shoved in our faces since we've had time to adjust to being near you. And we've read our employment contracts and the fine print to know what we can say no to. Zipp knows cause she's related to you and grew up in the limelight. Your other friends? I'm not so sure."

Pipp waved a hoof. "I mean Izzy's fine with it. She's massive on ClipTrot and she's Sneaksy. She's like accidentally famous just because of that."

Jazz waved her hooves to let her hoofpolish dry. "Izzy is an exception to the rule. She'd probably be down for anything because it either sounded interesting, fun, or new to her. Like she knows how to find random bullshit in the woods to help out with our fragrance business, but I think she just was going out in the wilderness before then to goof off and it just so happened we asked her to help out. I'm talking about the others. Like how Sunny turned into a meme cause she slipped and dropped her bananas and nearly turned into a shut in."

"Classic meme. I still get that reaction image in my replies. You know how impressive a meme has to be to last six months. Thing has staying power."

"Not the point, Pipp, its just like how I need a break and days off so I can relax from working for you. . .you might want to ask all your friends. . .or at least Hitch if he feels comfortable being in your content. Cause unlike your other friends, he's bared it all online."

"He has the town buying calendars of risqué shots of him that do similar stuff. And I'm not going to ask my other friends- first of all I'm a gay ally for all my fans but I'm not attracted to mares like that. Or at least I don't think I am. And secondly, I'm not getting between Sunny and Izzy's very odd sexcapades. And like I don't need to say this but I'm not getting my sister on my PonyFans page. Royal families already have enough baggage about keeping stuff in the family, I don't need to give the internet ammo about that."

"So ask him for permission to do that. Actually- and not just the wear him down tactic. You know how bad that'd make you look if that leaked out to the press."

Pipp blinked and ran the calculations in her head. "Cancellation station."

Jazz nodded. Sometimes the pink princess was weirdly smart, but her knowledge of certain boundaries wasn't always apparent- it wasn't that she was completely childish or stupid- she was just incredibly oblivious at times. "And if you had asked him every once in a while if he was comfortable with his new boundaries, you wouldn't be in such a mess."

"It can't be that bad. I haven't seen anything too bad online. Like I've seen worse when Zipp hooked up with Arpeggia from Electric Blue. The chatter online about Hitch is weirdly normal."

Rocky and Jazz shared a look before Rocky spoke up. "Jazz has your phones. How in the world are you connecting to the internet to check everyone's vibes?"

Pipp wrung her hooves together. "The toaster in the Brighthouse. It has a basic internet connection. All I had to do was reverse engineer it and I can post to most of my socials just fine. All it adds is that it was posted via a toaster."

***

The Election Protocol Office stood proudly in the midst of Maretime Bay. Not exactly in the middle of the square due to how the town had built itself from the hydra of Canterlogic, it still held a proper place between the courthouse and a few small restaurants that were old enough to hail from before the takeover of Canterlogic. The stone facade of the building told anypony of the relative ancient age of the building and as Sprout entered the hallowed halls of the office, he felt his hair on the back of his neck stand up. Partially since besides helping Posey with the shop he hadn't walked out in public since his little problem that Posey joked about- the stares of mares and stallions alike told him at a glance that there was a rather fervent part of the town that found him the pinnacle of stallion hotness. And the other thing that made him nervous was that for all his plans and thoughts about pushing the electoral vote process to fix or change Canterlogic- it was all hypothetical grandstanding to the reality of walking in and fully saying out loud that he wanted to call for an election.

He walked up to the front desk and rung the bell- probably a decorative gesture since he imagined Canterlogic to wire this place up like a fortress with hidden cameras and the like. He saw the three ponies walk out from behind the curtain and he froze for a moment since he recognized all three of them. He could barely remember the other two's names since he wasn't always the best at connecting faces to names- even with how his mom drilled him in order to succeed her one day- but he recognized the main one immediately even without her glitter and makeup that made her originally stand out.

It was Sugar Moonlight and the other two from the Filly Four standing in front of him- barring their more normal attire and glasses that made them look shockingly normal or even nerdy to most.

"How may we help you, Mr. Cloverleaf?"

Sprout breathed out and pushed down his growing apprehension to focus on the task at hoof. Sure, he felt bile at the back of his throat as he felt emotions and thoughts bombard him with terrible half remembered memories of what these mares did to him, but he breathed out and tried to act if not casual- at least professional. He ruffled through his bag and pulled out his forms that a quick internet search through the Canterlogic archives told him he needed to announce a run. "I have some paperwork for you to file. Normal stuff."

Sugar Moonlight smiled and took the papers from Sprout, flipping through them with a speed that he was unfortunately impressed by. "Huh, looks to be all in order. No problems there but why in Equestria would you force an election? Not that I'm complaining, that's what me, Lily, and Rosedust are here for. But we haven't had a full election re-do in what? Two decades? And not to be forward but everypony knows you're the frontrunner for the next CEO position. Hereditary stuff and all that. . ."

Sprout nodded and smiled ever so briefly at the mare. "Sometimes a change is needed and I thought that maybe pushing the issue won't be that bad especially now with how my mother looks outside of town. The interview and all that."

Sugar Moonlight vaguely nodded. "Fair. Okay. Lily, get the ink pad and Rosedust get the rubber stamps we need to officiate this stuff." The mare sighed as she watched her co-workers slink into the back. "You know how it is with these things. All the red tape and all that. Anything interesting happening to you since we have a few minutes of small talk?"

"I'm married. So I don't think I-"

"That's nice." Sugar Moonlight's eye twitched as she laughed. "I mean I expected a pony like you to get hitched. All the talk of the town about you and your massive nuts."

Sprout blinked. "Uh, I don't think that's all appropriate. Also I think your nose is bleeding."

The white mare's nose was dripping blood as she leaned in close and stared into Sprout's eyes. "It happens. But you know you look really familiar and I can't put my hoof on it. Besides the whole being related to Canterlogic's boss. That's a given. But I see you walk in via the cameras and I and the rest of us here have this niggling feeling that you're super important to us- a sense of deja vu and I can't get your attractive face out of my head. Which is a problem cause I'm not usually attracted to your type. . .but I think I'd ride that dick and milk you like a cow and you'd have nothing to say since I'd just tie you up and treat you like you deserve to be treated. A piece of meat for me to just enjoy over and over and over again." Sugar Moonlight just continued to rant at him as she pounded a hoof lightly on the desk in a tapping rhythm that unnerved him as much as her distant stare.

Sprout breathed out slowly, thinking of his options as he watched the pool of blood on the desk grow more and more. He was no doctor, but he could remember enough from Canterlogic manuals that made him think that was a really bad medical sign.

"I know. . ." Sugar Moonlight stared at him wide eyed for a moment before her head crashed towards the table with a thud and she collapsed on the ground, her hooves kicking the desk as she began to have a seizure.

Sprout heard two more thuds and he quickly stepped through the curtain barrier that he would normally stay on the other side of due to propriety and walked into the back. He noticed that Lily and Rosedust were splayed out on the floor, their hooves kicking air as they looked off into space. He counted to ten as fast as he could to calm his now completely frazzled nerves, the thought of Canterlogic watching him through the cameras, the electric eye of the law staring into his soul.

He tried not to throw up as he gathered his papers and the ink they had gone back for and he quickly wrote his name where he needed to and shakily dipped his hoof in the pad of ink and pressed it onto the paper, showing that he was wanting to run for office. He looked at the final stamp he needed and quickly found it near Rosedust. He stamped it and scribbled a fake signature to attest to his plans.

It looked like a complete mess- the crumpled papers stained faintly with blood in the top corner, a nearly illegible signature that anypony with a functioning brain could see was faked, and the three mares in some state of shock needing medical attention he couldn't give them.

He slid the papers into a nearby envelope and scribbled the address for Canterlogic. He ran as fast as he could out of there, his hooves skidding over the pavement, and quickly dialed for an ambulance, telling where and who needed medical attention before hanging up and running to the bushes to throw up his lunch.

He might find the three of them horribly distasteful ponies but he wasn't a monster to let them not get medical attention. And he wasn't a unicorn. He was just one stallion. He slid the envelope into a nearby mail box and sat down trying to breathe as the harsh thunk of Sugar Moonlight's head hitting the desk ricocheted though his mind.

He held his head in his hooves as memories of the worst day of his life came back and played once again, the wound still fresh in his memory, each sense as fresh as ever like it had only happened yesterday, the tones of Sugar Monlight's voice in his mind teasing him about every slight and fault he couldn't change. Yet her whispered vitriol and spite sat there like a poison. The voice kept him up at night, whispering his failure to do anything meaningful and it made him wake up in a cold sweat as he sometimes felt the pressing hooves of phantom ponies touching him. He was afraid of the night now and it was partially because of what they did.

He felt bad for leaving them. Part of him didn't.

It whispered to him how terrible he was. 'You left them there to die. . .'

"I didn't." He hobbled off to Posey's to lay down and think. He dared not look at anypony as he began his march to safety, the sounds of alarms on the wind as first responders rushed towards the call location.

He felt a shiver on the air as he slunk towards home. He needed to relax.

***

"Why am I even here?" Posey crossed her hooves as she stared at Pipp. She had been relatively content with her day just being focused upon her work and Pipp had upended that contentment by barging in and whisking her off to whatever nonsense she felt like today.

Pipp smiled and tapped her hooves. "Jazz told me that I needed to talk to at least Hitch because I am absolutely terrible at setting boundaries and talking your stallion into making lucrative porn might have been a step or two too far."

Posey rubbed her forehead in anger. "Of course that's a step too far. I told you to deal with consent and boundaries and knowing each other's words of encouragement. I may have a bit of an attraction and need for Sprout and his dick but I see him as more than just a good time- or in your case with Hitch, a lucrative payout- he has wants and needs and an inner life that isn't just sex. It just so happens the main method of communication between us is sexual in nature. Which we both know will have limits as I get closer to dealing with the aftermath of a few good lays." Posey rolled her eyes. "What I'm saying is that I'm not surprised you're having issues with a whole number of ponies. . .you kind of steamroll everypony around you."

Pipp nodded. "That's a lot to take in. Good criticism and all that but a lot. But that's why I came to you first. Well I thought I could go to the others but I soon figured that I would need what Zipp would call a second opinion from a neutral party and I don't really have a lot of options there. Can't ask most of Equestria since I'm such an influential pony and can't ask the others since its a bit of a friendship problem with some of them. So why not turn to my bestie in all of Maretime Bay?"

Posey blinked. "There's no way I'm your best friend. That's completely inconceivable in every possible way."

Pipp rolled her eyes. "It took Jazz going into prison to tell me that I was taking major advantage of ponies. You'd say that right to my face. Hold that thought, I'm trying to figure out if you did or not. Erring on the side of yes. Sounds like something you'd do. And sure, maybe I took things a bit too quickly with getting laid. . .but knowing my sister, she'd wait until I was like thirty to explain the birds and the bees. Like the non-sanitized normal version not the Royal version that makes it extra weird. Mom already gave me that talk when I was eight. It was confusing and a nightmare to piece together. She tried to say it was like an eclair and a donut. I still have issues."

"Right. Of course you do."

"So let's just march right in and have a difficult talk and hash out some perfectly acceptable boundaries with Hitch. It'll probably be quick. I hope." Pipp tapped her hooves together and looked at Posey who just coolly stared back. "Okay. I don't want to pull the incredibly rich pony card but if you do this for me, I'd pay you in a month of unlimited pizza."

Posey's ears perked up at that. "You sure? Like free pizza for me and Sprout?" Posey was weighing her options and an opportunity to not spend money on groceries or take out for a month was incredibly tempting since she and Sprout could polish off pizzas like an eating competition. And with how her cravings for ever weirder- and more expensive- pizza had increased in the last month due to her slowly marching pregnancy she looked at the mental math and resigned herself into being what she hated the most.

A relationship advisor.

"Fine, but be warned, Sprout can eat pizza like nopony's business."

Pipp shrugged. "You have no idea how much frivolous spending I can do before I go broke. If I wanted to, I could live comfortably on my money for like two hundred years. And that's taking in the cost of monetary inflation. I do my job for the fans and their adoration of me."

Posey rolled her eyes. "How selfless."

"I know right? I'm awesome."

Hitch sat at his desk he had quickly cobbled together- even though he had quietly resigned from being the Sheriff of Maretime Bay due to a whole lot of reasons, the main one being that Canterlogic created that separate police force of theirs, he still wanted a modicum of a schedule. . .a hint of order in his personal life and making a work desk out of Pipp's hoof me downs and forgotten scraps was ideal. And Sparky seemed to like that he was around more so at least there was a silver lining in all of this.

He heard the door to the room open and he saw Pipp and Posey enter.

"Hey, Hitch, how's it going in here?"

Hitch twiddled his hooves. "It's going. I organized the mess up here which took a while since there was no organizational method that I could see in how you stored everything. Then I started checking your calendar and that was a bit more daunting than just working through a bit of meetings. You definitely overbooked yourself. . ."

Pipp cringed. "Yeah. Jazz kind of told me that already. But we can deal with that later. I kid of need to talk to you about things. . .like a lot of things. With Posey here for support."

Hitch cocked his head. "Are you breaking up with me?"

Pipp quickly shook her head. "No, no, no, no, feather no. I mean I've been not the best of friends with a few ponies and probably a terrible marefriend to you so I'm trying to set the record straight."

Hitch shrugged. "I don't think you're that bad. I mean I've seen worse. . .Posey is worse than you."

Posey's eye twitched. "I hope that's a joke cause I think Sprout would disagree on that statement."

Hitch crossed his hooves. "I was joking."

Pipp breathed out. "Okay, let's just put it out on the table then. Do you even like being on PonyFans with me cause I may have sort of in a way maybe coerced you to go do all that stuff and that's like ten ways to not great in internet terms." Pipp carefully pulled up a chair and draped herself over it in preparation for bad news. She didn't always need a fainting chair or whatever but she was a tad bit dramatic and needed a place to sit down and center her nerves that felt like electrical wires.

"What?"

Posey facehoofed. "I can't believe I have to translate this bullshit, but were you comfortable airing your love life and sex on the internet for everypony to see? I mean you did kind of get held at spear point cause this mare's mom thought you were being a weirdo with her."

Pipp held up a hoof. "That was on me. I hadn't told my mom about what I was exactly doing on the net. And Hitch isn't weird, he's charming and nice and the best stallion ever."

Posey crossed her hooves. "Gag me with a spoon. He's perfectly average. And no, Hitch, its not because I am dating Sprout that I think you're average, its because you are completely inoffensive and approachable. It's like you sanded off the edges of your personality."

Hitch sighed. "I don't know if I want to be hurt or call that a compliment from you."

"Do what you want with it. Now do you want to keep railing Pipp online or not?"

Pipp blushed. "I think you could have chose more tactful words there, Posey."

"And have you wade through like seven stammering sentences where you skirt around the problem? I don't have all day and while I find this somewhat fun, I have things to do."

"Like what?"

"Things. To. Do."

Hitch rolled his eyes. "Right. Well. I do want to keep dating Pipp. I mean these last few months have been eventful to say the least but I do enjoy hanging out with you. . .the filming is a bit much though. Not that I mind a few things since I get that's your job even though its a bit out of my depth. . .it's just that I didn't exactly sign up for making everything an internet moment. Especially not, you know, that."

"He's talking about the sex, Pipp."

Pipp groaned. This would be an eventful talk.

***

"Sprout, I'm back." Posey ambled through her house and lazily picked up a few things to toss in the trash. She felt a slight burning in her loins and sighed at the thought of curling up with a good movie with Sprout and maybe doing a few late night activities. She blushed at the thought of him getting close to her and talking about his day and just laying there content and happy as they watched some terrible movie.

"Sprout, I tried calling your phone. I brought back free pizza." That wasn't a lie. After Posey had uncomfortably broken the ice, the conversation had moved slowly but surely towards a resolution. Not a clean one- but an understanding. So free pizza it was. "Huh, that usually gets him to come running." She cantered up the steps and heard the patter of the shower going. She shrugged and opened the door to the bathroom- it wasn't like she hadn't seen every inch of him anyway. She turned and looked at Sprout and knew something was up.

He sat there in silence, letting the water fall over him like rain, the rivers of water pooling in the creases of his body- a relatively prodigious puddle sat in his lap and he was rocking ever so slowly back and forth. It was like he had seen a ghost. She couldn't tell if he was crying or not due to the shower, but he looked miserable. And that was before she noticed his junk in the front had gotten even bigger to an obscene degree with each testicle sitting on the ground and forcing him to sit wide legged to attempt to even try to be comfortable. She briefly wondered how he would be able to roll himself out of there. She sighed and imagined she'd have to help him again. Not that she minded, but she liked. . .tolerated this shower. With how backed up he was she imagined she might have to knock out the door.

Maybe Izzy wasn't blowing smoke up her ass. "Damn it." She forced her lewd thoughts down for a moment- while she'd love to see what a bath of cum would be like, she knew the twinges and hitches that Sprout did when he was nervous or in a panic. And besides a few accidental scares. . .she had only seen him get this bad once before.

She lightly rapped a hoof on the glass to show that she was there and he looked up at her like a deer in spotlights, his mane hanging limply in strings as the water had washed away his hair gel that gave him his collected and calm self some structure. "Hey, Sprout, what's up?"

He looked down and mumbled something that she couldn't hear over the water. She took off her purse and breathed out. She was tired and needed a shower anyway. Sprout looked like he was slightly shivering beyond just being afraid of whatever he was dealing with. Great. It had to be like an ice bath in there cause, of course, he thought doing that would lessen his prodigious package problem. She readied herself to be hit with frigid water the moment she entered the shower.

She opened the shower door and scrabbled to shut it as a torrent of ice cold water hit her in the chest and she heard her teeth starting to chatter as her body tried to acclimate to the arctic cold. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." She quickly scrambled for the handle that controlled the water temperature and turned it to a lukewarm stream of heat. Even room temperature water would feel like the surface of the sun compared to this.

She carefully placed her hooves in the now much smaller shower and sighed as she wondered if she should have added a larger shower when Sprout had moved in. Then she nixed that idea because she hadn't expected him to have expando balls. Not that she minded, she liked that predicament, but she felt cramped in her corner as he took up seventy five percent of the shower. She noticed a few inches of water pooling in the bottom and sighed. He probably was slightly covering the drain with those puppies. "Hey, Sprout, what's on your mind?" She spoke low and slow to him letting him listen to the sound and rhythm of her voice. "What's wrong?"

Sprout's breath hitched as he looked up at Posey with now noticeable tears in his eyes. "I went to the Election Office and I thought it would be a simple thing. Get in. Get out. But they were there and it all happened so fast and. . ."

Posey held a hoof to her stallion's lips and felt his hot breath on her. "Who?"

"Sugar Moonlight. . .and the others."

Posey felt a wellspring of rage deep inside her boil up to near bursting. She counted to ten and let the cool fire be lessened. She was livid. For Sprout, for her, for everypony that had to deal with those mares. But Sprout didn't need a livid avenger at the moment He needed a shoulder to lean on, to cry on, to listen to his problem. "Explain it to me."

Sprout breathed out and began his short tale. Posey sat there with one of Sprout's cold hooves in hers, letting him know she was there. Silence reigned over the shower after Sprout had finished. "That's awful."

Sprout leaned into Posey, letting his head hit her chest. "I came back here and turned on the shower and that's been probably hours now. I know I tried to get up and I couldn't move due to these." He gestured to his balls. "I wish I wasn't a freak and having some magical shit ruining my life. I mean I walked with purpose straight to where I needed to go today and it felt like I had a microscope on me as I moved around town. The whispers from the mares. . .some stallions. . .like I'm just a piece of meat for them to glance at. Like this is worse than when ponies thought I was a failure because I didn't try. The moment I think I have my life planned out. . .getting married. . .getting a plan to fix Canterlogic. . .here I am the stallion with the wonderful inflatable dick." He slumped to the shower wall and frowned. "Like I actually tried to give myself a hoofjob to try and get these to get smaller and they just got bigger. Like they are teasing me."

Posey ran a hoof through Sprout's mane before bending over and kissing him on the lips, letting the kiss linger under one or both of them came back up for air. Sprout broke the kiss first as he wasn't as confident in his lung capacity. "Sprout, I'd have fallen in love with you if you were a normal pony or not. The awesome dick nopony else can take easily is just a bonus." She put her hooves on both his shoulders so she could look at him eye to eye. "We're going to get through this together. . .and fuck those bitches in the Election Office. . .you did more for them in calling an ambulance than I would have. I'd have left them there to rot. I know that makes me a terrible, awful pony, but sometimes some ponies don't deserve kindness. Or they get what's coming to them. Sunny calls it some ancient word. Karma, I think. And so what if the town thinks you are a hot piece of ass? Fuck them too. Outside of them being voters, that's it. Let them be weird if it gets you elected. That's no skin off my back. I know you won't cheat on me. Even if you did I think the other mare or stallion would have issues dealing with this stallionhood."

Sprout stared up at Posey, the look in her eyes both calming him and scaring him due to her almost staring through him.

"Now let me show you how much I care." Posey leaned over and nibbled on Sprout's neck, trying her best to leave a trail of love bites all over him. If the town thought she was kidding or thinking Sprout wasn't somehow on the market just because he looked obscene and ready to blow with hot and fresh seed, then she'd make them notice. She vacuumed her way down his chest, leaving as many dark bruises as she could- it would look like Sprout was in a fight to some, but to others it would look like he was a claimed treasure and she had been following a map- each location she had lingered on was left with a mouth shaped bruise.

Sprout arched his back and moaned as Posey lingered on his plush middle and she wrapped her hooves around him so she could slide down onto her knees, her hooves pressing firmly on his butt and feeling each and every taut and strong muscle in his body that most ponies wrote off as just fat or plushness. She knew his secret that months of screwing had given him a perfect physique that she adored and yet Sprout was still Sprout, she could trace his body like a sketch and see each and every thing that made him who he was. And deep in there, she could see teenage him. The stallion she had actually fallen in love with, the colt who had given her the time of day when nopony else had. Sure, he had done it only once or twice, but it had solidified into an obsession that kept her steady all these years.

He had changed so much and she had come up to meet him on the pedestal she had made for him. She had mellowed out. Experience and accidents had hardened his giving heart ever so slightly. She didn't know exactly how to bandage his hurt, but being there was a start.

She looked up at him a brief moment to see the euphoria on his face and she looked down at her favorite and most special place and decided that she'd rather leave that for last. She grinned and started marking his legs with love bites, her teeth marking him as truly his. It was a love tattoo and the pattern of broken blood vessels told her a story, she could feel the muscles rippling in his calves and thighs as she tasted the sweat that the water hadn't reached, his inner thighs being marked by the darkest teeth kisses as she took some pleasure in taking in his scent that she thought was so intoxicating, the scent of a summer day in the midst of a field of flowers.

She stared directly at her favorite part of him, his pleasure pole standing at attention as it had woken up from Posey's ministrations and careful touching. She grinned as she stood up, water cascading down her back as she shifted her position and pulled him towards her, the heat of their bodies fogging up the glass door. "Now Sprout, why would you try giving yourself a hoof when I have had time to study each and every movement of you- every twitch, hitch, and muscle knit that you've had and they are all right here. . ." she playfully tapped her head. "I can fix your little issue." She patted one of his large watermelons and grinned. "Or we have fun that everypony in Maretime Bay can hear. Either way, win-win."

Sprout gulped as Posey angled her most private place above his pillar and sat down, her inner walls massaging him in ways he had forgot about. He moaned and gripped the shower seat with both hooves as she started pumping up and down. He halfheartedly sat there waiting for some dam to break so that he'd finally get close to normal again so the town wouldn't stare at him, their furtive glances both creeping him out and turning him on in equal measure.

Water sloshed around the pair, the drain now blocked due to Posey's marehandling of Sprout. Neither of them truly cared as they got into the rhythm of going up and down like a trampoline, each press down and lingering upstroke cracking his resolve not to blast her with what felt like a fire hose of cum.

Posey placed her hooves onto Sprout's butt to steady her rocking- she had heard one too many bad stories of creative mares and stallions slipping in the shower thanks to a harsh fall. And it gave her a reason to touch and feel each and every inch of his prodigious backside. She grinned as she wondered who had the larger and better ass. For her bits, she'd go and say Sprout since his special globes felt like her entire world as he pumped her with more and more fervor.

Sprout gritted his teeth and hilted her with as much force as he could, his eyes glowing green as he tried to stand with his bloated crotch weighing him down, his earth pony strength letting him lift the pair of cojones a few inches before having to sit down with a loud splash, the water now up to mid thigh as the shower vainly tried to drain the water.

Sprout felt his resolve snap.

And nothing.

He waited for the deluge to come, waited for his waves of churning seed to leak out and stain the walls white. But nothing.

"Uh, Posey, I think we have a problem."

Posey sighed. "I figured it would be that kind of an issue."

"Would be what?" Sprout was completely mystified. It wasn't like he knew what all the forms of sex were. He had been a complete virgin until Posey thanks to his fifth leg of a dick. Yet here was Posey acting like being unable to blow a load was normal and not 'go directly to hospital' matters.

Posey slid her hooves down. "You know Sprout, I've been with many a stallion- temporarily thanks to them just not fulfilling me in the way you do. . .partially because they thought I was a bit crazy, but its the first time I've had one of them not be able to blow this lake of a load thanks to them getting way too excited."

Sprout cocked his head, letting a hoof of his drag down on the nearby glass wall of the shower, For a moment he could see the bathroom outside and then the glass fogged back up. "What does that mean?"

Posey grinned and probed and prodded his vegetable garden of a scrotum. "Seems like lefty and righty here got a little too big for their metaphorical bra and your fun little prostate got in on the action. . .ah there it is."

Sprout groaned as a new slight wave of pleasure hit him in a different location than his usual. He moaned into Posey's shoulder as a slow and steady wave hit his inner walls, his hair standing on end as he felt feelings he had only vaguely dreamed of due to how much quiet shame he held about them- his own glances at Hitch's abs, the perfect stallion egging on his flaming jealousy as he effortlessly walked around the Sheriff's Office. Everyone loved Hitch and his calendars.

And that included Sprout who had often holed himself in his closet, staring at each month of the calendar, imagining Hitch's hooves running over his body and, in a brief moment of weakness, Hitch entering him like a mare and them embracing in a heated tangle of lust and desire that no Canterlogic programming would break.

Sprout screamed in pleasure as the longest orgasm finally hit, his body aching as his core tried to pump gallons of white hot spunk out as fast as possible. He waved on the edge of sanity as he gripped onto Posey like he was a drowning stallion afraid to fall under the waves. He could feel pressure as both of their middles fought for space- hers winning as his seed catalogue went straight into her fertile lands and he rocked back and forth as he let the orgasm pass- a minute turning into fifteen as he finally lay his head back.

He sat there, letting his eyes readjust to the light. He heard the sound of the drain go into overdrive as it tried to save the bathroom from a flood. He looked at Posey, her stomach looking pregnant with quadruplets as she arched her back, a whimsical smile on her face.

"That was fun. . .and something most mares wouldn't be able to do." She looked down at Sprout's testicles and laughed for a good minute before speaking again. "You look ridiculous."

Sprout looked where she was lazily pointing and decided that yes, he did look a little bit stupid- due to his weeks of lugging around weapons of mare destruction and finally letting out a flood, his sack holding his prized family jewels looked like a half made tent, his bruised and battered nuts floating in a sea of skin. "What the-?"

Posey ran a hoof over Sprout's distended sack, each ridge and valley of his coin purse a new and fun location she had vaguely known about. "You had a massively enlarged prostate thanks to all your stallion bits going into overdrive. Be it magic, science, or a mix of both. . .I milked you like a prizewinning stud."

"By giving me a ball massage?"

Posey tried to shrug. "The other option was putting a hoof in your rear. I wasn't too sure how you'd prefer that- plus with how tight our shower was at the time, I had few options." Posey ran a hoof over her stallion's mane. "

Sprout cautiously got to his hooves and felt incredibly light as he let Posey take his spot in the shower. He felt so much lighter as he got used to not carrying around a whole vegetable stand of dong. "That feels so odd now." He turned to Posey and ran a hoof through her mane. "You need anything? Cause I think I'm going to go down and get some ice for these."

Posey tapped a hoof on the glass as she tried to figure out how she would deal with her middling issue. She imagined that getting all that out of her in the shower would end in a clog or some mess she'd have to clean up for later. Sighing, she decided that getting a heavy duty shower might be for the best just in case Sprout gets another fun problem like this. "Help me up."

"For what?"

"This, you attractive dummy." She pointed at her leaking predicament and sighed. "I'd rather not clog my shower."

"Ah." Sprout nodded. "My bad."

"We're totally getting a bigger shower. It feels cramped with two ponies in there. Especially with one of your talents."

"Posey. . ."

"What? I'm not kidding, you took up most of the shower. I thought I was supposed to do that."

***

Sweets sighed as she walked through the morgue. She had been called over due to the medical department getting a call from a concerned citizen that sounded like Sprout Cloverleaf. They couldn't be entirely sure due to the few payphones that Maretime Bay still had in nooks and crannies of random street corners not being connected to the cell data mainframe- the things were nostalgic and fun throwbacks that told of better and easier days.

The cameras had told the whole story and Sweets was not entirely happy that it was Sprout. Phyllis had swore up and down that her son wouldn't be caught dead in a place like that- he had little drive for bettering his lot in life and so the pink mare had thrown the three most obnoxious mares she knew into the least important job she could think of.

Election management. And Sprout had waltzed inside like a dumbass and decided that seeing the three ponies who had had violated him wasn't enough of a deterrent to waltz right on back out and drop this farce of an idea.

"Patch, tell me what happened." Sweets stared at the peach earth pony and grimaced at her wild and unkempt pink mane.

"Comparing their medical files from before the attempted electroshock therapy and after I see that the worst case scenario some doctor scribbled in the margins came true. The procedure was a hasty and unstable thing and it wasn't entirely Mr. Cloverleaf's fault that they had massive internal bleeding. Sugar Moonlight had been complaining of headaches and slight fainting spells in her correspondences with the medical wing and during the autopsy of all three of them, I found they had been having mini strokes and signs that their reconditioning was failing."

Sweets sighed. "I told Phyllis that it was a terrible idea. What so they had weeks or months to live?"

Patch nodded. "In the best case. They'd have slowly deteriorated until they'd have had enough brain damage they'd just turn into a vegetable or forget how to breathe. That's the problem with untested and new medical breakthroughs these days. You need to test it out before using it on even the worst kind of ponies. Honestly, I'd have prescribed a lobotomy. Sad." Patch pulled up the white sheet on Sugar Moonlight and sighed. "Sign here and I'll cremate the bodies."

Sweets nodded. "That's for the best. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to prepare for an election. . ."

Patch cocked her head. "Really? I didn't see a company memo we were having one of those."

"Just came in the mail. If Sprout wants an election chance, I'm giving him one."

Sweets cantered out, the thought of destroying each and every hope and dream of Sprout Cloverleaf running rampant through her mind. She had taken so much time and effort getting where she was and just to squander it in a show of elections was so disappoiting.

She'd fight tooth and nail to show Maretime Bay that she was the best option. Not some Cloverleaf hanging onto his name- actual change that could be seen and felt. She smiled. This would be hard and a complete pain- but a part of her found fun in rising up to a challenge.

And beating Sprout at his own game? That would be wonderful. And she always had alternatives in her back pockets.

March Of The Pigs

"I look ridiculous." Sprout groaned as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. "Do I really have to wear this?" He looked down at the undergarment that Posey had forced him into and facehoofed. "It's a bra."

Posey rolled her eyes as she poked her head into their shared bedroom. "Sprout, I could have made you wear a white bra. That'd have been striking. I chose one that blends in with your coat- red, which wasn't all that easy to find without Pipp's help. Didn’t even know that stallion bras could be a thing- or maybe Pipp pulled some strings and custom ordered it fully.” Posey grimaced at that thought. "It's fucking weird that I'm, of all ponies, Pipp's 'best friend'. But at least there's some good coming out of it. Now let me get in there and help you with the clasps."

Posey slid into the room, her gravid middle arriving first as she was now firmly in her final few months. She ambled over as fast as she could and teasingly rubbed her stallion. "If you don't want to deal with your magic issue this way, then we can just go out and fix it the fun way. Though I seriously doubt I can do it much longer- you did have to help me out of bed yesterday.”

Sprout groaned. "No, it's not ideal. You asked Izzy if she was working on a more permanent solution to this or not?"

Posey nodded. "I did. She hasn't. Not out of lack of trying. It's just that she started talking about potential and the lack of magical data on situations like this. And then talked about if ancient magic spells in your bloodline were involved. I kind of tuned her out after that because it just sounded like she was spitballing every idea that came to her head. Anyway, you look super cute in your suit."

Sprout grimaced as he messed around with his bow tie. He had knowledge of how to tie a tie due to his mother spending weeks drilling in proper dress code procedure but he never felt comfortable wearing a suit- and with his job of Deputy not requiring clothes barring a badge- he just became used to the normal state of things where he let all his cares fly free and clear. With his current plan to topple Canterlogic, that didn't work anymore. "Fine. I'm still worried about you, Posey."

Posey waved a hoof. "And I said if you go take the pics then I'll walk into the clinic right after. Thankfully I'm too far along for them to suggest getting rid of the future of Canterlogic right here." She patted her stomach and smiled ever so briefly. "And this was mostly Sunny's idea. Guerilla marketing she calls it. Izzy will plaster your pictures- with added slogans via the wonder of computer editing- all over town thanks to her scooter. Which terrified me cause she's a menace on the thing."

Sprout rolled his eyes. "Yeah, take pictures of my junk and plaster it over Maretime Bay. How novel."

"I mean Hitch used the same idea and look where it got him." Posey rolled her eyes. "At least these will be tasteful. I mean their first idea was just having you be fully nude- which I vetoed with every fiber of my being. I mean that's just outright pornography. . .and you said how uncomfortable the town made you enough times for me to advocate for a wall of sorts to be put there."

"It's a bra. For mares."

Posey shook her head and hooked the clasp on the supporting garment. "If you think mares have tits as big as these I want to know where they are. And then give them pain medicine for their back." She patted her prize winning stud's jewels which had shrunk ever so slightly from the immense sizes they had been, but they were still firmly above the large watermelon sizes that she tried to grow. Without some level of support, Sprout’s jewels nearly brushed the floor. She had started lovingly teasing him that their floors had never looked so clean- and a bonus was that he often decided to bridal carry her in the bedroom and put her lovingly in her place.

She knew her gardening and botany and when Sprout's junk outstripped her best efforts- that was an accomplishment.

Sprout huffed. "I'm going to hate this, aren't I?"

Posey leaned into Sprout and nibbled his ear before whispering into it. "We can do stuff after to make up for it. Just imagine me as the director and play it up.”

***

Sprout nervously fidgeted as Zipp and Hitch pulled out the multiple costumes that Hitch had used in his previous calendars. "I really don't feel comfortable wearing that. I mean that's probably not enough fabric. Or that. Or that." He sat down and put his head in his hooves and tried to stay as calm as possible.

Posey rolled her eyes. "We can cut the more outright weird choices Hitch has. I mean you in a sailor suit? Or that lace outfit?" She grimaced as the image of Hitch wearing something that crossed her mind. "Hitch, why do you even have that?"

Hitch popped out of the mound of clothing and sighed at the offending lacewear. "Wasn't my idea. I think one of my fans sent it and I didn't have enough heart to toss it. Have you seen the pricing on some of the more expensive costumes on the net? I looked up that lace thong and socks and it was hundreds upon hundreds of bits cause it seemed to be a custom order."

Zipp sighed as she set up the camera. "Sounds like something my sister had to deal with. Fans get a bit possessive and weird the moment the whole parasocial connection gets made. Pipp has teams of security on her more fan oriented events so she doesn't wake up with like seven ponies trying to say hello and smell her mane. I still think this is a stupid idea and all."

Posey crossed her hooves. "So why are you here? I thought Pipp was going to take the pictures. She nearly said as much to me in our texts."

Hitch stood between the two mares since he knew Posey was a bit of a firebrand. "She's trying to clear her schedule so she can live like a normal pony for once and not have 30 hours of content scheduled in a day long period. So she and I both mutually agreed that filming as many Pippcast projects as possible in a day seemed to clear out the next few months. Sure they won't be as topical as usual but-"

Zipp chuckled. "Topical? My sister? Her last one was taste testing sweets. The one before that was Maretime Bay food reviews. Sure her daily life can pop up but I think she does the Pippcast stuff cause she can't figure out ways to monetize her daily content without making it a huge deal. Though I did like her attempt in apologizing to Sunny about that stupid banana meme. Though I wonder if the fans will be able to tell the prerecorded nature of her podcast."

"Uh. . ."

Zipp crossed her hooves. "What? I like supporting my sister and its not like I run my own brand. I have time to relax and put on distractions- my day isn't just zooming around, teaching flight school, doing science stuff and reading the Chronicles of Chevalia. I like reality tv and things like that. Now can we get going on this cause I don't want to spend all day on something that should be simple."

Posey bit her lip as she tried not to speak back to Zipp. "Okay. Now Sprout, I'll walk you through this. Follow me into the changing room." She dragged her worried stallion into the room and drew the curtains for even an attempt at privacy.

"Posey, none of these are fitting." Sprout paced back and forth through the tiny room as he tried to stay calm. They had been trying for the last ten minutes to fit the pants over Sprout's prodigious package, but all that happened was that they nearly tore a hole through the crotch as Posey had tried to squeeze each orb into the offending garment with every ounce of her strength. Every other attempt had just ended at the same point- Posey had figured that sharing Hitch's clothes might be a tad bit problematic but seeing the evidence in action made her stallion less confident.

Posey frowned and put Sprout's face in her hooves. "Sprout Cloverleaf, you listen to me. Sure, Hitch's clothes don't fit perfectly. . .or in some cases at all. . ."

"The shirts don't even fully button."

Posey leaned in. "Have you seen Hitch? Unlike you he doesn't rock the dad bod." She smiled. "I bet if Pipp was dealing with the foals I have now, Hitch would be a wreck. And probably gain like fifty pounds. Hitch is in his own life path right now and you are in yours. . .ours. . . so who cares if his shirts look painted on you at times? Who cares if you can't wear pants cause of your sexual prowess? You are trying to be a pinup model for the town. The point is to look like you are going to burst right out of the flyer and ravish the town with your skills. I've read far too many Playstallion and Playmare articles to not get how ponies perceive this- you have to exude confidence. Repeat after me: I am Sprout Cloverleaf."

"I'm Sprout Cloverleaf."

"And I am going to fuck the world."

Sprout blushed. "Pose, I'm not saying that."

Posey crossed her hooves. "It's a thought exercise. It's say it or I'm taking off your support." She grazed the bra that held his jewels in place. "It's the easy way or the obsidian pillar way."

Sprout gulped at that thought. "I'm Sprout Cloverleaf. . .and I am going to fuck the world."

Posey smiled. "Good, now let's scratch bottoms from everything. And leaving shirts slightly unbuttoned is fine. I mean those don't usually stay fully on through a shoot anyway." She kissed him on the cheek feeling the bristles of his yellow beard. "Now go get them. And don't worry if you freeze on what poses to do." She briefly smiled. "I have some ideas already and this gives me all the control I need to not care that much on plastering your junk over town. Having final say on everything trumps my jealousy ever so slightly. . .and anyway, I just see all of this as longwinded foreplay."

“You already said that to me. . .”

Posey crossed her hooves. “Well, you need to hear it again. Now do I have to pull out the oil or not?”

Sprout's mouth felt dry as he felt the bra trapping his equipment creak as it tried to contain the thoughts that Posey's words gave him.

***

“Posey, he’s wearing half the costume.” Hitch nervously paced as he tried to stay completely professional in this shoot his knowledge of how things ran normally worked. He bit his lip as he kicked himself for not adjusting the sizes on the costumes. He had waffled on if it was practical and, before the current predicament, Sprout had been near one to one in size with him. Sure he had him beat in athleticism and general confidence but the pair had often swapped clothes- shirts mainly- since they had been colts.

And he wasn’t in the business of checking out stallions. Not his wheelhouse, not his rodeo, not his station. So he never connected the whole nervous issue Sprout had with his normal ask of why he never while his whole costume.

And now that Sprout had gained like 100 pounds- most of it in his lower half- now Hitch had a stark reason why- it wasn’t like he was jealous. No. He wasn’t since he was gifted in all areas of life and Pipp was definitely not complaining. But he was nervous for Sprout. He had zero clue of what to do in posing the red stallion now. He didn’t know his flexibility, his strength, his comfort level with his body.

“It’s fine, Hitch, I have looked over your general ideas and talked him through the whole process. Besides a bit of modification with some angles and the addition of pillow
support, Sprout here is a trooper.”

“If you say so.” Hitch shared a look with Zipp who shook her head silently as she put a hoof up. A universal sigh that she had finished all of her preparations. “Okay everypony positions.”

***

Sweets smiled out at the camera and quickly ran a hoof through Phyllis’ own. A sign of camaderie, weakness, closeness. Not for the cameras, but for the older mare that figuratively held the power in her hooves.

She looked at her PR team’s worried faces and slipped her hooves out and brushed her perfectly pressed dress- a Velour Sign original- and smiled for the cameras, turning on her nice persona and masking her true feelings of each and every fickle voter that were swayed by calls to emotions and intimidation.

“Now some of you may have heard that we are holding an election in our fair city. I am here to say that rumor is true.”

Pause for dramatic effect. That always made the harsher news fall on attentive ears.

“After great deliberation and forethought, Mrs. Cloverleaf has decided that a familial squabbled over the CEO spot in a business such as Canterlogic is not ideal. I have a prepared statement from her that has just been posted to social media and other sources that she has bowed out of the race and has put forward my name as a potential candidate.”

Beaming fake smile. Slight wave as the cameras moved closer to capture her features dusted by a faint hint of makeup. Unsteady breath- a practiced one- to hint at the toil of emotions that hid under her surface. In truth the main thing she felt was joy, pure elation as her months of building an internal power base that was unassuming and so very beautiful in simplicity was paying off.

“I am grateful to Mrs. Cloverleaf for her multiple decades of service and I hope to make her proud. . .”

***

Sprout curved his back slightly as he leaned into the pillow, a hoof wrapping around it as he tried to feign suave coolness. He uncomfortably shifted his hooves so his legs weren’t trapped under his scrotum. He had already got a bit of a mention from Zipp that without that slight movement it looked like Posey’s favorite part of his anatomy looked like a tube of burst biscuits that spilled all over him.

“Okay Sprout, smile with your eyes and then relax your face muscles. I call it the Pink Steel. Works wonders for me.” Hitch mines this wonderous look that he had supposedly perfected- and to Sprout- it just looked like he looked constipated or on the verge of tears.

“I’ll try.”

Hitch threw him a hooves up. “Not everypony can pull it off, if it seems impossible for you we can easily do the normal and relaxed style of modeling. Not my style but some like it better”

Sprout breathed out and tried his best.

“Good, good. Look at the camera. Now hold it and-“

Zipp flirted around the sound stage like a hummingbird as she got every angle possible with cool efficiency. “Got it.”

“That’s it?” Sprout always imagined that would be harder.

Zipp shrugged. “I mean you look like you are going to throw up but sure, that round of photos is done.”

Posey bristled at that. “Sprout looked great.”

Zipp rolled her eyes. “Calm your tits, I’m just saying he looked perfectly fine. And don’t think it’s just cause I am playing along with you guys- I think Hitch looks like a dummy too whenever Pipp pulls out her collection of calendars.”

Hitch looked like he was in shock as he heard the news that somepony thought he was perfectly average at what made him special. “But Pink Steel. . .its super effective on like everypony.”

Zipp shrugged. “I’m more a subscriber to Playcolt for the pictures of mares. It’s not a you thing, Hitch. I just think you aren’t attractive. . .though I wonder why you even care since you and Pipp are a thing.”

Posey laughed. “I like you. So question. If a mare had a predicament like my Sprout here, you’d be all over that? Right?”

Zipp blinked and blushed as she thought of a response. “No. Now can we focus on the shoot. I have stuff to be and places to do. And I’ll do a favor for you two, Sprout, just be natural- gets all of us out faster and looking through the pics- you can’t pull off Hitch’s patented look.”

Posey grinned. “Sure. So we crossed out the clothed pictures. That just leaves the shirtless ones. Give Sprout twenty minutes and we’ll finish up.”

Hitch tapped his hooves together. “Won’t it take like five minutes to-“

Posey held up a hoof. “Baby oil takes time to apply. And I think you know what we might do. Now where is the nearest closet?”

Hitch turned white as a sheet as he realized what Posey was saying. “Oh.”

———

“Why did you say we were going to have sex?” Sprout followed his mare into the nearest closet and was stunned at the size of the thing- it rivaled the pair’s bathroom in size and was full of shelves jammed full of knick knacks clothes and yet it still had a sizable center portion the pair could comfortably walk in. “Holy shit how much space does Hitch need for his closets.”

Posey sighed. “Yes, I agree. This is a bit excessive. But I wasn’t going to screw you, even though that is incredibly tempting. Especially since it looks like your bra is struggling to hold your package.”

Sprout blushed, the faint hint of crimson overtaking his already red cheeks. “It’s been a while since you know. . .” He mimed a jacking motion. “I told you this was a terrible idea. I shouldn’t have done this.”

Posey put his head in her hooves. “No, you big dummy, you shouldn’t have tried to suck in your tummy.” She watched his eyes dart away in shame. “You thought I wouldn’t notice your attempt to look trim?”

“I wanted to look my best.”

“And you already said you could barely fit in his shirts. Look around. Do you think he’d truly miss a few pairs of clothes? Plus I don’t want you lightheaded trying to fit in Hitch’s mold. Now breathe and actually relax.”

“But.”

Posey flicked him on his nose with a hoof. “Sprout, I’m being nice. Just do it.”

“But then the town would call me a pig.”

Posey rolled her eyes. “Honestly they’d probably have to be fended off with a stick. I already had to put one of my bitchier classmates in her place, why not more? Now breathe out. I have two bottles of coconut oil and I am not afraid to use them to make a point.”

“Why two?”

“Precaution. Now strip.”

Sprout froze for a moment as the realization hit. “Pose, you said we probably weren’t going to do the nude pics.”

The yellow mare huffed, part in annoyance, part in that she was unable to fully draw a full breath with these foals in her and she wasn’t in the mood to do much conversating. “That was before I realized that you have a major issue with believing in yourself thanks to somepony’s Mommy issues. I keep telling you are perfect- I keep telling you that no matter what size you are- if your dick was the size of a house or not-“

“I don’t remember you saying that.”

“It’s called exaggeration. Keep up. I am saying that the town is rabid for you because you are hot. Incredibly, unquestionably hot. And you are here comparing yourself to milquetoast Hitch and thinking you are lacking something. You aren’t. You’re going to win the fuck out of this election if I die trying so help me earth. If you think running on your assets is stupid then let me tell you play up the game. They’ll underestimate you- and that’s where you’ll get them cause I’ve been listening to you ramble on and on about fixing the town- all the plans and harebrained ideas you have and you have something here.”

Sprout blinked. “I’ve been running through my speeches at night. . .i thought that you were asleep.”

Posey pointed a hoof at herself. “My bladder wasn’t.” She reached over and unclasped the reinforced metal hooks that kept Sprout’s red undergarment on him. “Now step out of your tent of a bra or I’ll rip it off with my teeth.”

Sprout hastily compiled and his whole body was out in full view.

And to Posey, his time with her had sculpted him into her perfect ideal. And better yet- even though he looked like a dumb jock who focused on far too many cheat days, she knew that he was far from the sort.

Posey grabbed the coconut oil and began her work. She started with his back and shoulders as she eased the tension with a firm nudge when needed, her stallion whinnying as she systematically untangled his nervous knots. She stopped and marveled at his booty as his diet, sexercise, and weighty nuts had grown it into an ass that put mare porn stars to shame. It looked like he was smuggling two melons and she quietly giggled to herself as she noticed that his tail looked like it was being slowly swallowed up by his backside. She wondered briefly if the town would cry photoshop or manipulation. All she knew was that she could bounce a bit easily off his thick booty.

She ran down each of his legs until they looked wet and glistening in the light, his coat damp to her touch not with sweat but with an oil that made him smell like a tropical breeze or one of Sunny’s Pina Colada smoothies. She felt his calves and wondered how he was comparing himself with Hitch- her red husband blew him out of the water. Maybe it was his much larger frame since she noticed that Hitch was far lankier than her solid framed mate. She touched his large hooves and smiled briefly at his recoil from her touch- not from anything she did. Her stallion was just ticklish and it was a cute thing only she knew of him.

She ran next to his most noticeable asset- and the main reason she had brought two bottles of the sweet smelling oil- the large springy orbs smelling faintly of his body odor. She felt him lean into her as she ran her hooves over them until they glistened like a mirror. She could almost see her own reflection in them and she quickly splashed his sexual python with a large dollop of cold oil. She didn’t want to fully wake the five foot monster from its slumber. She had a hospital visit for later and she didn’t want to go and make the job of deciphering her womb even harder with a thick layer of white sludge.

Too bad.

She heard him wince as she rubbed the cold oil over his half hard mast and watched it retract back into his sheathe like a wounded animal.

“Almost done.”

“You should have warned me you were going to do something like that.”

Posey rolled her eyes playfully. “Hospital visit comes first- not your cock. You can pay me back later- your scary dragon re-entered its cave.” She ran a hoof playfully over his thick yellow trail of hair. “Seems like it left a trail of destruction in its wake.”

“Either that’s you trying to be cute or Izzy has rubbed off a bit too much.”

Posey poked him in the stomach, feeling the hard muscle that protected his middle. “I’m always cute and I am trying to be funny and fill the silence. Else it’s just me rubbing you down. Anyway I have to tell you that you are built like a brick house.”

“Which is good?”

Posey popped her head out between Sprout’s front hooves. “Yes you big dummy. And I’m not going to let you cut water from your diet to prove a point.”

“What are you talking about?”

Posey facehooved. “Next time, ask Hitch if he dehydrates himself before a calendar shoot- in hindsight I think I know why he has such well defined abs in these fucking things. It’s such a cheat.” She poked Sprout as hard as she could in the stomach and he grunted in slight surprise. “Did you feel that?”

“A dull ache but not really.”

“That is surprising. Because I tried my hardest to actually hurt you to prove my point. It’s like you are wearing body armor my sweet stallion. You are like a turtle compared to Hitch and his rabbit like self of you want to use animals for comparison.

“Oh. That. . .changes some things.”

“Now give me a minute and we’ll be done. Just have your chest and neck to do. Then we can make out.”

Sprout sputtered as he tried to stay calm.

“I said it would take twenty or so minutes to do this and your dick complied so we have ten minutes of dead time I didn’t plan for to fill. I said I wasn’t going to fuck you. I didn’t say that I wasn’t going to worship you my sweet turtle.”

Sprout blushed as Posey quickly finished her work.

***

“You think we should check on those two or not? It’s nearly been twenty minutes.” Zipp yawned as she looked around the studio. “I knew I should have slept in.”

Hitch tapped a hoof in annoyance. “I’m not walking in on them.”

Zipp scoffed. “I saw what you did on PonyFans, Hitch. I didn’t peg you for a nervous prude. I mean it’s animal instincts and all that. Plus it’s Sprout, if I didn’t know Posey was knocked up I would’ve thought he’d be unable to fit anywhere. A hotdog down a pinhole if you will.”

Hitch bit his lip. “Can we not talk about that right now.” Sprout used to be his Deputy- and if the Big Brother Ponies hadn’t superseded his authority he’d still be Sheriff. He liked separating work from pleasure. Work/ life balance was important and all Zipp’s mentions of Sprout’s privates for the last twenty minutes just made him feel inadequate. Not that he should be complaining, his years and years of sculpting his body to a certain ideal took work, effort, and a boring diet. He wasn’t miffed about that- that was an accomplishment.

What stuck in his craw was that Sprout was just lucky. Blessed with an endowment that looked like a magical accident. And his diet was absolutely, positively garbage. Hitch had tracked his diet when he had down time from work and all he could see was a cavalcade of desserts- cakes, pies, brownies and the like and the old faithful daily large pizza.

Hitch was jealous because he had to sacrifice to look good while Sprout could just wake up and enjoy life.

“Okay, let’s play I Spy. Gives us something to do.” Hitch stared around the room ready to refocus his thoughts away from Sprout. “I spy something red. . .” Hitch slowly turned crimson as he watched Sprout walk into the room. An air of calm focused confidence exuded from the red stallion and Hitch looked down and briefly wondered how Sprout could even walk with his equipment. “N-never mind. Looks like we’re going to finish the shoot. Hey, uh, Sprout, can I talk to you for a moment?” Even looking at the stallion was almost blinding as the lights reflected off him like a crystal ball- he glistened like he walked straight out of the shower.

Sprout shrugged and sashayed over to Hitch, surprising Hitch with how mobile and quick he was. “What’s up?”

Hitch tried to broach the subject nicely. “You said no nude pictures. I remember Posey saying no to that as well.”

Sprout smiled a wide and comfortable grin that brightened his face and Hitch briefly wondered of thoughts that were not common to his straight as an arrow self. “We decided to play with expectations. Posey was pretty good with her argument. She’s very convincing.”

“You don’t mean that- you know.” Hitch tried to be discrete.

Sprout shook his head. “No. Of course not. We didn’t do any funny business, Hitch, we can talk without jumping each other. For the most part. I just think my secret campaign manager has a point to play up how dumb I look.”

“You don’t look stupid.”

Sprout shrugged. “I feel stupid because I would rather not have this medical condition thing going on but we can use it. Play up the ridiculous nature of it. Act like that’s the only thing in my mind and poof the moment I have a debate I flip the script. Plus this is kind of a cathartic thing- you have no idea the things I heard about my body because I didn’t fit into Canterlogic’s mold- especially since I was the heir apparent.” He let his put on smile drop for a moment before breathing out and composing himself yet again. “Now where do we need to start at because I don’t want my wife to be late for her appointment.”

Hitch slowly pointed in the direction of the stage and wondered where his life had gone horribly wrong. He decided to place it around the time he had chased Sunny and Izzy to Zephyr Heights- before the unicorn’s appearance in Maretime Bay, his life had been incredibly simple and concise.

“Thanks.”

***

Sprout breathed out and let his worries float away as he posed for this series of pictures- he felt ridiculous and he could see Hitch and Zipp’s professional demeanor shift as Posey took more control over the final few pictures.

But a part of him felt like he was free. His mother had told him for so, so very long how his body was disgusting and wrong. How he was cursed with excess- and part of him knew it was true, he couldn’t deny that since his magical issue wasn’t going away just yet- but he felt okay about the future.

With his beautiful wife there directing the show he could comfortably work through the poses without tripping over himself or being too self conscious. Sure, these images were still for the entire town- or at least the most risqué corners of it. . .but in this moment both Zipp and Hitch dropped away from his view and all he could focus on was Posey- her large grin told him that she was getting as much joy out of this as he did.

Most ponies dismissed his mare as being heartless and cold, if not cruel, but she was always wearing a public facing mask built via a decade of pain. She felt emotions like any other pony and Sprout could see her true smile that she hid from everypony but him.

Posey tossed him a hard hat and he gingerly caught it in his hooves.

“I thought we were done with the costumes.”

Posey shrugged, a smile on her lips. “Humor me, I had an idea that would probably play super well in the red light district. You know besides the shots we already took.”

Sprout blushed as he ran through the last twenty minutes. “Zipp, can you send me a copy or two of the whole session? Without the slogans.”

The white Pegasus ran a hoof through her colorful mane. “Yeah, that’s simple. Just give me an hour after this finishes and I’ll be ready. The clean ones, right?”

“All of them.”

“Throw them all in.”

“You sure?”

“If I didn’t ask, I bet I’d regret it later.”

“Fine, it’s your funeral.”

Sprout carefully out on the hard hat and shifted it around until it felt secure on his head.

“Okay, we have a shovel here and we’ve not used it yet. Not that we haven’t tried it’s just that Hitch doesn’t have many clothes that work with heavy equipment of any sort.”

Hitch rolled his eyes. “I never got around to doing a whole calendar with that theme. It was mainly doctors and cops and the rare flannel the town liked. Sure I had a few ponies asking for different looks but it tended to be me in makeup or dresses.”

“I don’t remember a picture like that. . .and I bought most of-” Sprout cocked his head and looked away as he realized what he said out loud. “I mean I saw others do that. Not me. I’d remember them mentioning a dress.”

Zipp chuckled as she realized a fun little thing to remember for later. Hitch just carried on like he didn’t even notice or care about Sprout spilling a secret like that.

“I looked fantastic in a dress.”

Posey just sighed. “Sure, you probably do. But it’s kind of hard to provide Sprout with a good strong performative vibe for the help the economy slogan when you are a marshmallow. A non-threatening metrosexual blob that the town loves so very much. So the best prop I have for my worker stallion here is a shovel.” Posey rifled through the bare props and sighed as she pulled out a large shovel. “I could make this work. . .”

She gave it to Sprout and quietly whispered in his ear the few ideas she had.

“Really? That’s simpler than I expected.”

“Simple is easy. Eye catching and probably for the best. I mean we aren’t going to have you fellate it. Just do what feels natural.

He nodded. “Give me a hoof here though.”

Posey got to his right side and held out her hoof- her plan required her cute husband to stand firmly on his back hooves and, while ponies could do such a thing in short bursts, it wasn’t the most natural thing to do. She watched him wobble to his hooves and get used to the difference in height and as he was ready to move fully vertical and lean like she instructed him to do- his body shifted as his weighty crotch moved back towards his new center of gravity.

Sprout’s hooves flailed around as he tried to stay balanced, his eyes shut in terror as he prepared for the worst.

That worry never came as he rested on his squishy orbs like a bean bag chair. He moaned as the odd feeling hit his pleasure center and he rocked ever so slightly on his hooves as he got used to the idea that he couldn’t stand on his hind legs like they wanted. “Oh. This is bad right?”

“I mean I’ve never seen anything like this and I watch porn when I need a pick me up.” Zipp shrugged.

“I thought you were gay.” Hitch cocked an eyebrow.

“I am. Still not attracted to you. Or does the look not clue you in? It’s just I like mares and there’s a lot more straight action than not.” She chuckled. “Even the Bridlewood attempts at porn don’t have stars like this. And they have magic on their side .”

“Bridlewood has-“

Zipp shrugged. “They learned the wonders of the internet and magic and decided to have fun. Izzy probably was to blame, though after meeting a few of them for. . .diplomatic relations. . .as a member of the Zephyr Heights royal family- they are weird enough that I think given enough time they’d have a wild interpretation of the internet. A bunnycorn and a typewriter situation.”

Sprout wobbled on his hooves as the weight of his body started feeling less pleasant to his hacky sacks. “Fascinating, but-“

Zipp blinked. “Oh yeah. Posey can you pose him?”

Posey rested the shovel between the cleft of her stallions red orbs the pole sliding between the two and getting enveloped by them. If the head of the shovel wasn’t there, most ponies wouldn’t even notice the thing. “And there we go.” She briefly kissed Sprout on the neck, leaning into his shoulder and taking a good long whiff of his coconut scented coat, the faintest scent of his natural scent there- a hint of cinnamon spiced wonder that made her wish that there wasn’t any lingering plans for the day.

She broke her touch and let Zipp finish the shoot. She had ideas for other poses, his body flexing and twisting in sensual ways that would excite the town but the reality of how his body worked- most of those poses required a hint of space between his legs to make them appear viable options. “Okay. That’s good. Send a copy to Sprout and get copies to Izzy.”

It wasn’t her first choice of messenger- but the unicorn liked to flaunt the law and break every rule of decency. She wouldn’t mind plastering the town with illicit images of Sprout. The crazy mare would think it was fun. “Thanks, everypony.”

Zipp nodded.

Hitch sat there in silence before turning and muttering that he needed a drink.

Odd, but Posey had other things to worry about. Like her ultrasound. She decided that shooting a text to Pipp about Hitch’s mood would be easier.

Posey gripped a hoof around her stallion’s plush middle and helped him fall forward safely- besides a slight complaint about some sore testicles, her adorably chubby husband waddled his way towards the door.

“Sprout?”

“Yeah?”

“You did great today.” She kissed him on his cheek, his yellow beard rasping her lips. “I think I know what we can do when we get bored. Cause I’m not letting your stallion model experience go to waste- and if I know the town- neither will they.”

He blushed. “Well as long as you get in on it.”

Posey briefly smiled. “If you get past the whole looking like a whale thing then of course.”

Sprout rolled his eyes. “Well, you’re a killer whale. So I don’t mind that. Now do we have time for pizza before the appointment or not. I was so worried about fucking up this session that I didn’t eat breakfast. And it’s after lunch.”

Posey laughed. “Of course. I think I might skip it.” She thought for a moment. “I mean I won’t eat before the appointment but I’ll get something for later. Though I don’t know what to get. I don’t want to jinx the baby.”

Sprout ran a good over his face. “Well if I had my way I’d choose the largest thing on the menu. Then if it’s good news it’s a celebration. If it’s bad news then-“

Posey sighed. “That just sounds like a roundabout way to stuff myself silly with pizza.”

Sprout hugged his mare close and took a whiff of her hair, the scent of flowers filling his nostrils. “You caught me. I mean you can go with a lighter pizza. String Cheese has a few healthier options.”

“I said you were predictable, not that I said no.”

The pair of ponies headed off to the best pizza shop in Maretime Bay.

Author's Note

Don’t remember writing any of thisdue to being incredibly ill. Would have written more but the chapter had two main points and combining this silly idea with the more serious ultrasound idea for next chapter didn’t work in my head.

God Given

Sprout fidgeted in the hospital chair as he tried to read about some outdated news from some magazine he'd never head of. He wished he could fish out his phone and scroll through the internet, but it had been a whole hour and he didn't want to ask for the wireless password. He had already gotten some odd looks when he had walked up to the desk with Posey.

Most of the nurses thought it wasn't an ultrasound appointment the pair had set up. A few murmured amidst themselves while pointing and he quickly wondered if he shouldn't have come here. He smiled and quickly explained that no, it wasn't a swelling issue for him, it was for Posey- and then he loudly said she was his wife. He didn't care who knew. Canterlogic did.

Sprout felt Posey's hoof in his and he slid out of his memories and fell back into reality.

"So medical history of your parents?"

Sprout sighed. "Unsure about who exactly my mom chose so just say unknown. Just mention who my mom is on the form. Knowing Canterlogic's records, they'll fill in any uncertainty better than I could. How will you mention your. . ."

Posey hugged him close and sighed. "The whole halfbreed thing? I'm not going to hide it. And if they say something about the baby because of that, I'm going to jump over the table and throw hooves." She briefly smiled. "That was a joke. For now. And maybe if it was a decade ago- before we got together- I'd probably just try to hide it as much as possible. Wouldn't have worked since they would have all of my medical records, but the attempt to hide my past and try to mold myself into the perfect Canterlogic drone? It would have been there. . .I did that for years. Ate the same food as everypony, listened to the same things, slept the same. I even tried to follow fashion trends. You know how hard it was to cut my hair and not feel like I was losing a part of myself every time I looked in the mirror?"

Sprout lay his head on his mare's shoulder as he finished up the medical records for the visit. He shuffled on over and watched everypony stare him down in a mix of awe and envy. He grimaced his best smile for the front desk and ran through the gamut of questions about his prodigious package- with how ubiquitous the probing questions had become he had become quick to answer the most pressing concerns.

"No, its not cancer. It might be a magic thing. It's benign for the most part." He tried to answer each question the nurses had to the best of his ability and he glanced at Posey who just grinned at his slight discomfort. "Sorry ladies, I have to get back to my wife. And uh, have to prepare for a speech or two."

He ambled back to his seat. "So how did the examination go? Hopefully that isn't cancer." Posey placed a teasing hoof on his junk, the bra that held Sprout's package the only thing keeping her hoof placement civil. "Though its not like I know that isn't. I test it enough to be certain of that."

Sprout rolled his eyes. "I don't think its a good time or place to have sex."

Posey sighed and tapped a hoof. "I'm bored. And the pictures we took for your campaign posters gave me some ideas." She groaned as she felt a few kicks from her middle. "And the hormones from carrying your foal or foals? They kind of make me a sex crazed mare." She chuckled. "I mean more than usual."

Before Sprout could answer, the nurse called their names and hurried them into the back.

***

"I keep telling you it's not a joke." Izzy rolled her eyes as she handed out another risqué picture of Sprout to some random pony in Maretime Bay. "It's a campaign thing. And what better way to highlight Sprout's platform."

Primrose rolled her eyes. "It says 'I know how to plow fields.' while Sprout is in a farmer outfit. The white unicorn gingerly gave the flyer back to Izzy. "It's a bit overkill."

Izzy shrugged. "It gets ponies talking. Pipp came up with the general idea, I came up with the particulars."

Primrose ran a hoof through her mane in disgust as she flipped through the rest of the stack. "This one is just porn. 'I have a lot of balls to do this. Vote for me.' Seriously?"

Izzy tapped her hooves together. "I got stumped on the supposedly sexy photos. Not that they are all that different from the rest but, you know, I don't find them all that attractive. Now if it was something like what me and Sunny do on our free time, then sure. Hot. But stallion junk to me? Besides the silly size, I don't feel a tingle."

Primrose shook her head. "TMI."

Izzy hummed to herself as she sized up the white unicorn. "Too Many Icicles. That'd be a fun statue." The purple unicorn stared at the posters and back at Primrose and had a rather simple idea. "I think I have an idea. Not a big one but I was going to spend all day zipping and zooping through town on my scooter hanging these things up. And well, I think asking for help is a far more creative way to fix the issue."

"I'm not-"

"I mean everypony's probably busy and think about it. . .this is anti-Canterlogic propaganda. You and Windy would be perfect candidates in spreading my load of fun work around. And then we can go out and have smoothies. And if ponies ask you can just say you are planning out a painting or two."

Primrose crossed her hooves in thought. "That's incredibly devious of you."

Izzy beamed. "Sneaksy approved methods are often a bit sneaky. And finding creative ways in solving problems is my jam. Now I'll take the horny pics to the red light districts and surrounding areas. It'd be a lot simpler for me to act dumb when the fuzz asks. You and Windy can split the rest."

***

"I'm Doctor Ribbon and I had expected for a rather interesting case since the front desk kept mentioning you two but, well, I get why you stand out. Though don't worry, I'm highly professional and, being a unicorn, I got to see magical buildup first hoof. While its seemingly rare in non-unicorns, its not unheard of." The blue unicorn mare ran a hoof through her yellow and orange mane. "Now let's see, the pregnancy is seven months along?"

"Seven or eight. It's hard to figure out because we've had our minds on other things." Posey nervously kicked her hooves as she talked to the doctor, the reality of finally figuring out the number of foals her and Sprout would have naturally exciting and worrying the yellow mare.

"That's natural for first time parents. Now. . .let's see. . .going by the medical info you shared, I already know most of Mr. Cloverleaf's medical history. Well besides the storing of excess magical energy. That was to be expected, even Bridlewood's medical hospital had to deal with previously unknown things like that- since some unicorn magics run on beliefs and niceties it led to a lot of issues when unicorns complimented each other. You would be surprised what happens when you give complimentary unicorns body positive slogans. We ran out of wheelbarrows until we figured out a counterspell or three." The unicorn sighed. "Well, the mother info is left mostly blank."

Posey tapped her hooves together. "Well, I'm part pegasus. Don't look like it but it caused issues."

Ribbon facehoofed. "Didn't expect that. Though now I get why I might have been shuffled to this case. I wondered why my colleagues were tight-lipped about this. I thought it was just because it was dealing with one of your stature, Mr. Cloverleaf, not the misguided policies of the past. I should have figured." The unicorn placed a blue hoof in Posey's and looked at her directly. "It doesn't matter what your past was, I'll just have to check out the foals for every possible developmental abnormality and issue with focus on earth pony and pegasi development. Though I'll be thorough and throw in unicorn development as well. It's uncommon, but there have been written cases of a unicorn having earth pony and pegasi children in Bridlewood. Call it a mutation or an extremely recessive gene, but I like being sure of my patient's heath."

Posey and Sprout shared a look before Posey spoke up. "So should we be worried?"

Ribbon's demeanor shifted. "I won't say that it will be an easy time since every pregnancy is different and we aren't out of the woods, but you've passed the worst months with seemingly no issues. Getting through the first trimester is the hardest and you are right on the beginning of the third so, barring any bad complications in the lead up to delivery, I think you are mostly home free. Now do you want to see your foals?"

Sprout felt the squeeze of Posey's hoof in his. "Yes."

Ribbon smiled and quickly pulled out a gel. "This might feel odd."

"-and we have. . .let's see. Oh some of these foals have wings so it might take me a little to figure out what's connected to what." Ribbon's magic arced around her horn as she tried to focus the image on the screen. "One, two, three. . .four?" The doctor stared at the two of them for a brief moment and put her hooves together. "Not unheard of but then I have to run the calculations in my head for ideal weight to baby ratios a bit because well I thought you looked like you had two foals in there. Not double that."

"Four? How could I have four? I thought I'd only have maybe two." Posey flashed a hint of concern over her face before steeling her emotions behind a mental wall. "That's a bad thing. Am I going to explode or need surgery to get them out?" She was against marring her coat with a scar- she was unsure if Izzy or a unicorn had figured out magic to hide that yet- but she rather liked being alive and well and she had read enough about possible pregnancy complications to have a worry flitting about in her brain.

"It probably won't come to that. You just hold all of them rather well- somepony has been working her core muscles- so let's see. . .running the calculations here on my computer screen, plugging that into a nutrition calculator and voila! Looks like you are running on the underweight side for average. So just try to eat more and do less" She crossed her hooves. "I know you two probably can't keep your hooves off each other but you are getting to the point in the pregnancy where its the final trimester- and with how big you are now and how four foals is on the incredibly rare side. . .I'd say just stop having sex."

Sprout blinked. "But."

"Haven't forgot about you. But you two are cutting it close. I quote 'how many times do you have sex weekly?' You put fourteen plus. I'd be worried of premature dilation of her cervix and we'd have four large premies for our hospital ward. I can send you a Bridlewood solution for your package, Mr. Cloverleaf, but I'd say get creative on not having sex with your wife. Cause immediate pleasure is really fun but I want to limit her raucous activity to maybe work related matters and even then we can talk in the coming months for reassessing that."

Posey gripped onto Sprout's hoof and mouthed 'talk later'.

"So do we want to see the sex of your foals?"

Posey nodded.

***

Izzy skipped through Maretime Bay's Red Light District as she held the posters aloft in her magic. She was sort of disappointed that the buildings looked particularly normal. Sure there were a whole lot of bars and brothels and even what Pipp might term 'mares of the night' but if it was a Red Light District, she wanted the place to be red. It just looked like any other part of Maretime Bay just hornier. And not just cause there was a lot of unicorns so she blended in well.

She looked around for the Big Brother Ponies in this area and, finding none, she quickly slid into the closest bar she could find. She quickly glanced at the sign which told her it was open with its harsh neon lights and figured it was as good a place as any to give the posters away. She would have tried the ponies on the street but she had learned her lesson the first time she entered Maretime Bay- before she met Sunny and started her path onto adventure she went down this exciting street and almost got laid.

She wasn't trying that again. Especially since Sunny would be so very mad and anything a unicorn could do in the bedroom Sunny could outdo with little effort.

The door tinkled as she entered and a yellow earth pony mare looked up at her. She had a white diamond on the bridge of her nose and a light blue mane and, to Izzy, looked far too refined for this corner of the Bay. She almost looked like she could be a former member of The Dreamlands with how she carried herself. She looked up with a cool quick glance and pointed to the bar.

Izzy cantered over and sheepishly smiled as she put the stack of posters on the counter. The mare took one look at Sprout lounged against a chair, his crotch in full view and taking up most of the poster's real estate and rolled her eye.

"I ain't gonna be a part of your unicorn magic schemes. I already have a few Bridlewood magic types coming in and selling their magical ideas like snake oil salesponies and I don't need whatever this is. Though at least you seem to have picture proof of results. Most of your types have just a hope and a prayer that random potions and brews will work. Unless this is just photoshop." The mare took a closer look at the pictures and sighed. "Looks convincing enough. I mean I know the ins and outs of all that."

Izzy shook her head. "Uh, I'm not selling anything. See this is a political poster for my friend Sprout Cloverleaf and I thought I could just give these out or leave them here for the patrons to check out. I mean he's going to try to become the new head of Canterlogic and change a few things and, well, we thought a grass roots idea would work better than usual."

The mare took one look at the pile of abject smut and burst out laughing for a good thirty seconds before she finally got ahold of herself and wiped a tear from her eye with a hoof. "That's a hoot. I mean everypony in the Bay knows of lil' Sprout Cloverleaf and to think he actually got the balls to pull some wacky nonsense like this? Not to mention how ridiculous he looks in it?" The yellow mare grinned. "Now girlie, you gotta tell me what nonsense he's got up to and how you know him."

Izzy tapped her hooves together. "I think that might take a while. . .plus I don't want to take up your time. And I don't even know your name."

The mare cocked an eye at this strange purple unicorn. "It's Bubbles. Yes, yes, I know I work in a bar. Hardy, har, har. It's a fitting name and all that. But this bar is the best bar in all of the Bay. I call it 'The Brewed Joke'. Mostly cause I wanted to start a comedy club but a bar was far easier to run than dealing with up and coming comedians in a town that despised satire and comedy." She looked wistful for a second before turning to Izzy. "So tell me a drink you want to have and then we can start."

"i don't drink. Is there like non-alcoholic stuff?"

"It's a bar. We always have a non-alcoholic option. For the patrons that don't want to be sloshed by the end of the night."

Izzy thought for a moment. "I think I might have a Slippery Nipple. I mean that sounded fun when Zipp mentioned it in a list of silly alcohol related drinks.

"That's not a non-alcoholic drink."

Izzy thought for a moment and weighed her options. "I guess I only live once then. Gimme a couple."

***

". . .seems like, let's see. . .sometimes the machinery can read sex characteristics a bit wrong so take this with a grain of salt. Not to be worried but I've seen ponies think they were having all colts and, oops, out pops a filly or two. Makes preparing for the coming lifestyle change a bit difficult when you bought outfits that are the wrong color." Ribbon shook her head. "Doctor's advice. . .buy a neutral color for their baby things. Makes it far easier to deal with surprises. Ah, here we go. . ." the doctor smiled as the machine went in focus, her ministrations leaving the inside of Posey's womb a map of gray blobs that Sprout could not comprehend.

"Okay, so we have one foal sitting pretty, wings wrapped up like a blanket there. Seems like a filly. I mean I can't see any noticeable additions that make it entirely certain. Will have to keep an eye on that one anyway since pegasi wings tend to get tangled up in delivery, especially since you aren't technically a pegasi,"

"That's bad."

Ribbon shrugged. "It's concerning. I won't lie about that but with magic and patience I think we can deal with the delivery. Though if need be we might do invasive surgery. Not that I would want to but there's a reason why most ponies limits in foal bearing each time is three. It's a room issue."

Sprout and Posey shared a worried look.

"Doesn't mean we'll have to. Just an option if there's complications. And no, you will be able to still have foals. Anyways, looks like two earth pony colts right next to them. Pretty noticeable colts. And. . .oh that's interesting."

"What is?" Sprout could just barely see any change in the monitor.

"There's a unicorn filly in here. Which uh, doesn't usually happen. It's a long and winding process for something like this. Purely hypothetical in having all three races of ponies in one pregnancy. The combination of genetics and time make it possible and what with you 'little' magical predicament. . .it theoretically could happen."

"What are you saying?"

Doctor Ribbon tapped her hooves together. "Unicorns tend to be very genetically insular and all that and old unicorn texts show that its easier to have unicorns in high magic density pregnancies. Like a genetic aberration for non-unicorns, not in a bad way, just it should have just been maybe a pegasus and some earth pony foals. . .but the high concentration of magic you're radiating-"

"I don't think I'm that bad."

Ribbon facehoofed. "I turned off my Mage Sight the moment I walked in, Sprout, you are like so many mana receptive ponies- like a living battery of magical energy that you have to work off else it just builds up and up and up. You know. Like your off the scale anatomy. But back to the whole unicorn thing. Well it can happen that, during pregnancy, you just caused a unicorn to develop instead of the expected earth or pegasi morphology. You bathed it in enough magic that, well, poof."

"That's horrible."

"Sorry, sorry, wording. Still coming to terms with this." The doctor ran a hoof through her yellowish orange mane. "It's just that, well, unicorns like this are very special. It's not every day I see a possible future magical prodigy. Not to make you two worry, but there's been only a few mythical unicorns that Bridlewood scholars imagine a similar birthing process for. So its kind of like winning the foal lottery."

***

"And then I saw Sunny and I was like 'she's easily the hottest mare I've ever seen.' you know? Like whole package. But I guess I didn't have much time with mares my age in Bridlewood cause everypony thought I was odd. Not that I let them know but their looks and stuff did kind of hurt. But less about me. You wanted to know how I met Sprout. Well I hit on Sunny. Then Hitch and Sprout appeared cause I kept breaking out of silly traps and one thing led to another. I mean Sunny and I went on a magical soul searching adventure to Zephyr Heights and we sang a duet and we totally boinked. I mean we didn't bring a tent and Zephyr Heights was deceptively far and well we ended up in this spacious cave and I love cave exploring and. . .actually that makes sense why I am so attracted to mares." Izzy dreamily looked into the bottom of her glass and grinned.

"I was asking how y'all got all buddy buddy with Sprout, not your gay awakening."

"Oh yeah, well, let me just skip over the crystal stuff. Though I learned Sunny is fantastic at dancing. So win for me there. But you know a newly minted alicorn gets in Canterlogic's way and then Sprout has his whole meeting a mare and they just canoodle all over town. I mean not attracted to Sprout but he's packing as you can see right here." She lewdly pointed out the poster. "-but that's a new thing. But I'm great. . .acquaintances with Posey and seems like he was already packing. Then she was all hooves over herself about him- one thing led to another. . .a giant robot exploded. The usual. And now I'm here drinking fantastic booze while thinking of ways to pop over to Sunny's smoothie stand and give her a piece of my mind on how much she works. I mean we only get to do wacky bedroom magic like three times a week and I have more ideas and all that. Like you know how much money I secretly make as Sneaksy and she still wants to work like ninety hours a week?"

The bell above the bar's door rung and both mares looked at the newcomer. An orange stallion that Izzy knew far too well ambled in and sat down at the bar, his glum face focused on some issue that irked him, his hooves tapped slowly on the cedar counter and he glanced over at his waving bar patron and the color drained from his face for a moment.

"Hey, Hitch, I didn't think you'd ever be at a bar. Though to be honest I doubt you would see me here- but you know I really like the vibe of this bar and I was coming in to give out Sprout's pamphlets. Then one thing led to another and I really like this horny drink. What was it again, Buttons?"

"Slippery Nipples." The bartender sighed. At least Izzy was a happy drunk, she'd had to deal with enough unicorns that weren't and those few angry unicorns made her have the "baseball ball to the face of drunken unicorns" rule. Most unicorns had a terrible issue with being absolutely dangerous with magic the moment they got smashed. It led to them either being able to fling themselves through walls or reshape the laws of physics because it was funny. She decided to enforce a bat to the face the moment everything stopped tasting purple. "Please if you decide to do magic in my bar, I'm going to take you out."

Izzy wheezed out a laugh. "Funny, that's what Sunny Bunny says when I get really creative with spells. I mean the last time she said that I lost a wrestling match and that was impressive cause I had like so many tentacles. Good story that. But yeah this Purple Nurple is tasty."

"That's a different drink."

"Ooh, gimme one of those."

"Whiskey. Or maybe vodka. Something strong."

Izzy looked at Hitch. "What's got your law abiding self all in a tizzy?"

"Don't want to talk about it."

Izzy rolled her eyes and quickly grabbed her new purple drink and downed it in a quick gulp, the coconut and cranberry mixed drink made her pucker her lips as the new flavor hit. "Oh that's bitter? But Hitch, I have a whole degree in psychotherapy. And sparkleology. And magical studies. And vibes. I can help you deal with your problem. I mean Sunny is a whole neurosis wrapped in an enigma wrapped in alicorn magical powers stuffed in a horny puddle of goo and she's a useful member of society. Thanks in part to me. So safe space and let your bad vibes out."

Hitch tapped the counter for another glass of whiskey and quickly downed it. "I'm buzzed enough to handle you. Another and keep them coming cause I want to wake up tomorrow not remembering this. Especially that image of Sunny Izzy just planted in my head."

"It's your funeral." Buttons sighed. She pulled out the pail from under the counter and passed it to Hitch. "Just in case you start feeling your bad decisions coming back up, Lawboy."

"So what's all got Mr. Calm, Cool, and Collected all in a knot?"

Hitch rolled his eyes and grabbed one of Sprout's pictures. "This."

Izzy looked confused for a moment. "I mean I never would have pegged you as gay, Hitch, but I'll support it. Thought it has to be a bit awkward on Pipp's part since I know you two got intimate. Oh, is that why you're mad? Did you come in from telling Pipp about your secret feelings about Sprout and his ever more turgid member? How scandalous."

Hitch stared at Izzy in complete silence for a minute before faceplanting into the counter. "No. Earth no. Barkeep write a note down so I'll remember to tell Sunny later. Izzy is banned from romance movies. Cause that's not what I'm mad about. At all. What I'm mad about is that Sprout kind of stole my thing."

"Your thing?"

"The yearly calendars were my thing I got from Canterlogic. They said I was attractive and I kind of fell into their yearly fundraiser plan. Make some pics for the town, sell the pics, fund the Sheriff's Office. Simple. Convenient. And it worked so well for like an entire decade. I mean, sure, there were issues. I knew I was working for a company that valued genetic purity and earth pony superiority. I grew up in the Bay so I had tons of classes telling of every horrible thing unicorns and pegasi could do to us. But I liked being a sex symbol, sure it had issues, but it gave my life some purpose that wasn't just "perform law duties" and I like being the Sheriff. I do. But it was simple because the moment after you learn all permutations of the law code in case of emergency it just was putting that into practice and that's the simple part. You know how often Canterlogic updates the law codes here in town? Like once a decade. I needed a hobby outside of work."

"Hitch, what are you talking about?"

"What I'm talking about is that Sprout was so much simpler as my deputy when nopony thought he was conventionally attractive. But you say 'how can you complain? You have a perfect mane, shredded abs, and a paid off mortgage.' and I say yes I do but those took work. And Sprout didn't need to have that happen. The moment he bagged Posey all she would talk about his huge dick and I almost missed the times she would barge in and yell at me for inconsequential stuff. Then poof his junk swelled up. Then I lost my job."

"Okay, that last one isn't as connected to Sprout. . .but go off. Let it out."

"And Sprout has this like perfect life with a future family and I'm sitting here in the attic of Mane Melody rearranging Pipp's schedule because she's a workaholic and all the messages for her podcast have to do with our sex streams or if I knew Sprout's number. And then I get roped into taking pics of Sprout to spread all over town and I didn't say no because I'm a pony pleaser and I just. . .the calendar was my thing and now all I hear around town is that I'm old news. Am I old, Izzy? I'm like mid twenties. I'm not old am I?" He wiped away a tear. "Another drink."

Izzy shrugged. "Depends. I mean you're about the same age as Sunny and me. And Pipp is the youngest out of all of us. But that shouldn't matter all too much. But deep breath. And out. Good. Now Hitch, I think you are jealous."

Hitch crossed his hooves. "How can I be jealous? He doesn't even own his house. That's Posey's. And he has to use hair products for his mane. This is all natural. And his body fat percentage is probably like thirty ay least. How can I be jealous."

"Because he stole your hobby that it sounds like you put your heart and soul in. And possibly did it better. Though to be fair he kind of magicked his way into part of that. You can't compare with that and I'm not going to shoot you full of magic to make you compare. I may not look like it but I have a code of conduct with magic. While I would get a kick out of seeing how ridiculous that could be, I want Sunny to still enjoy my company and have free range boink privileges. So I have magical standards."

"Doesn't seem like it when I can hear what you and Sunny get up to in the Brighthouse."

Izzy sighed. "What a mare and another mare do in the privacy of their shared bedroom without soundproofing doesn't count. But all the wacky ancient magic and new ideas I test out on myself first. What better guinea pig than a pony I can trust. And I'm not gonna shoot Sunny full of unknown or unstable magic until I do it. Her alicorn biology makes simple spells work a little too well if you know what I mean. I mean the last time I shot her with magic, I made her like ten feet tall and that was kind of freaky cause it was mostly all legs cause her alicorn horn and wings are just magic. It was like having relations with a spider. Though the upside was that I could eat her out when she was standing up which was awesome."

Hitch gagged at the thought.

***

Sprout put his head in his hooves and slumped to the table in the pizza parlor. The pair of ponies had been silent on their way back from the hospital, the doctor's words echoing in their heads and the multiple brochures and pamphlets that explained nutrition and recommended calorie amounts. Most only went up to three foals so at the bottom of those lists, Doctor Ribbon had written a prospective calorie goal in red ink. Sprout had walked into String Cheese's Pizza Explosion and the orange pegasus had sighed and threw on a few of the more unhealthy pies because he had grown accustomed to the dead eyed stare that the red stallion had when certain news was just a little too much to take.

Posey broke the silence first since her stud of a husband was currently trying to become one with the table. "Sprout, this isn't your fault."

Sprout looked up in misery and sighed. "I mean its mostly my fault. I'm the one that is. . .how did the doctor put it? A magical anomaly? It sure sounds like it's almost all my fault. And I can see Canterlogic now running wild with this news. The prodigal son of the CEO in name- since you and I both know that Sweets runs the show behind closed doors- but her son raised on the propaganda that non-earth ponies are evil foal snatching menaces has two foals that aren't pure earth ponies. My candidacy run would probably be over in a flash."

Posey rolled her eyes. "And I'm technically half pegasi, though I don't look it. Canterlogic can just throw that at you instead. They know my medical history, you big dummy. What's the matter about having a few foals that aren't exactly up to Canterlogic code. Wouldn't my dashing husband probably see that as a concrete example that things can change? Or did I somehow marry a stallion that backs down from a fight?" She snaked a hoof under the table and placed it on his thigh. "I don't think that happened because I remember my wedding night. I also remember you having plans upon plans on what to do in most Canterlogic scenarios. The cute rimmed glasses you wore helped keep that clear in my memories. Surprised you didn't use those in your little picture session because they made you look all distinguished like a librarian. Like a sexy librarian ready to try out Pony Sutra stuff."

Sprout scoffed. "I didn't look that good, did I?" He quickly shook his head. "No. You're trying to make me slide past this issue- we don't fly. We don't use. . .unicorn magic." He whispered that last bit since he trusted the pizza shop to be a safe space for him and Posey to talk without having to trudge all the way back to their place. But he stared at the other tables and he wondered how many ponies worked at Canterlogic in a high enough position that they were designated mandatory gossip reporters. Or how many were bugged without their knowledge. It wasn't too far out of the realm of possibility- everypony had phones now. "How will we raise them? By forcing them to not fly? Making them wear leashes? What about the whole-" he mimed an explosion and sighed. "the poof? The teleportation or whatever Izzy calls it? You want to try to catch a toddler with unknowable magic powers that can break out of baby prisons like that?"

Posey smiled. It was a bit neurotic that he was already thinking of the worst case scenario for each of the foals already. She held in a chuckle at the idea that he had fully entered Dad Mode and she had a few ideas for the bedroom now with that in mind. But she breathed out and pushed down her hormonal feelings towards him and took his hoof in hers. "We can just ask all of Sunny's friends-" she caught herself since she realized that she begrudgingly counted Pipp as a friend. And then she ran through the list and discovered that, for most, she thought of them as friends, or friendly. At least all of them would be close acquaintances. Hitch and Izzy were the two exceptions since she still saw Hitch as The Long Hoof of the Boring Law and Izzy was a pain in her ass whenever she dealt with the insane mare. "Okay we can ask our friends. Pipp will probably freak out so we can either tell Zipp or be really really careful on her rules about telling the world. Oh and we aren't going to tell Izzy yet. I have no clue how she'd react."

Sprout ran a hoof through his beard in thought. "So. . .are we doing this?"

Posey frowned. "Well I'm not doing the alternatives. Seriously, I've been planning for at least two foals. I might not like the shocking news that I'm carrying four of these things in me, but I have a good nest egg, good budgeting skills, and somepony's amazing gift of pumping flowers with magical steroids gave me a massive windfall. You know how much easier it is when I don't always have to use a whole greenhouse in winter. That lets me save on rent costs outright, Your 'curse' is a massive blessing in my eyes." She leaned in and pulled him close enough so she could whisper in his ear as the ambient music drowned out her words from onlookers. "-and in the bedroom? Yeah I wouldn't change that for the world. Knowing you're all mine? It gets me feeling so many things. Maybe it's partially the hormones, but I would take you over this table and have everypony watch if I had my way-" Posey leaned back. "but I don't and well I have ideas on how to manage your predicament so I don't have to worry about you becoming even more ridiculous. . .though that could be fun at times, I'd rather have a baseline so I don't wake up and have you destroy our house. I've grown to like our house."

Sprout blushed. "It's not going to get that bad."

Posey raised an eyebrow. "It's magic. Do you know that it won't? Izzy and Sunny have a better grasp on that and even then I think she's as confused as we are when it comes to that. I blame her focus on the mares. Not that I'm judging her for it, she just has no idea how your problem works. So caution is good. I have contingencies of my own. You know what we did a few weeks ago? In the shower?"

Sprout did. He very clearly remembered that.

"I can loan you a few tools of the trade and we can make it work."

Sprout sat there flabbergasted as he imagined the logistical problems of any number of toys. Before he could respond, String Cheese placed down two large pizzas covered in the works- hay strips and cheeses galore with a whole mess of fried foods. From where he was sitting, Sprout couldn't see any other vegetables on the thing and yet he thought they both looked wonderful. "Oh and some milkshakes, please. Chocolate."

Posey raised an eyebrow.

"Celebration for today. Oh and this-" he tapped the doctor's note, focusing his hoof mostly on the large red addendum at the bottom. "We can take some of this home if need be. But you were eating for three before. Now you're actually eating for five."

"I hope these last few months go by quick. I mean I already thought I looked like a balloon."

Sprout felt his phone buzz and he quickly pulled it out to check. It was his work phone- he wasn't crazy enough to give out his main number to most of Sunny's friends since he didn't fully trust Pipp in keeping that secret. But he didn't recognize the number. It looked to be in the Bay so he wasn't as concerned about the pony on the other end, but he held it up and talked into the phone.

"Hello?"

***

"I want to propose to Pipp so bad but her mom scares me so much. I tried once and it turned into her grilling me for like four hours as to why both my mane and Pipp's were wet. I mean sure we were in the shower together but I wasn't doing anything too crazy. Just helping her clean her wings and maybe some other areas. Was that bad of me? Maybe it was too forward. . ."

"I turned myself into a stallion and boinked Sunny once or thrice. So don't try to out weird me, Hitch. Like Sunny tried to take me out with a frying pan cause she didn't recognize me. I think it was the voice. You know what I could turn you into a mare right now for fun."

Hitch shook his head, his whiskey spilling on the table as he failed to keep it fully level. "I thought you said you didn't want to use magic on me."

Izzy shrugged. "Sure, but that's changing the size of things with magic. I'm still figuring out that knot. I can totally turn you into a mare though, that magic is surprisingly easy once you get the knack for it. It's like breathing wrong and waking up with a dong. Which I kind of did once. Long story. Also second question, would you boink Sprout as a mare. Not like you as a mare, but like if Sprout was a mare?"

Hitch blushed and stuttered a curt reply. "No. Why would you even bring that up?"

Izzy waved a hoof in the air, lazily watching the bright colors of the bar swirl around her as she collected her thoughts. "Cause Zipp was incredibly drunk in one of our slumber parties once and the question came up and everyone agreed that Sunny would be attractive as a stallion. And well, I wouldn't know that cause I don't want to try it out and get her stuck as a male alicorn right now. But the thought was there. And then it went Pipp, me, and Zipp. And then a hypothetical sixth member that was a mare if that'd ever happen. Though that's if they aren't also incredibly hot. Then the rankings would change. But I thought as the only member of our friend group that naturally has a dick without wacky magical shenanigans I thought it would be interesting to see the reverse of you and Sprout. I'd do Posey but she's pregnant and I have a "don't mess with pregnant mares if transformation magic is a thing. Like where do the babies go. Poof? Pocket dimension not poof? The world may never know. But yeah I'd say Sprout would be attractive as a mare. He gives off that vibe, you know. You'd probably be alright as one too. We wouldn't know until we try."

The bell rang and both Izzy and Hitch wobbled in their stools to see who entered.

Posey stared back with Sprout balancing two large pizza boxes on his back.

"Speak of the gremlin. Hey Posey, quick question. Would you be down if I turned Sprout into a mare?"

Posey frowned. "Maybe if you weren't hammered, I'd think about it. But right now? No."

Izzy sighed. "Drat."

"They've been like this for an hour. The other phone numbers didn't pick up or were too busy to drop their work."

"Sunny said she was busy and Jazz picked up for Pipp. So we called you. And I'm glad we did cause you brought pizza. How thoughtful."

"I wish it wasn't Sprout. . ." Hitch wobbled on his seat and faceplanted into the counter.

Sprout sighed and pulled out a chair since he took one look at the stools and decided that, for the foreseeable future, he wasn't going to fit on one of those comfortably. "Give us all a few rounds of water and a. . .second bucket. And Posey, that means we can eat our pizzas."

Posey stared at the tacky decor and sighed. It wasn't the worst place she'd ever eaten a pizza before. She once hid in a bathroom to try Sprout's favorite pizzas in secret without anypony noticing when she was deep in the 'he doesn't notice me' phase. This was at least a step up even though the weird obsession with balloons and streamers made this feel like a foal's birthday party and not a bar. "I'm not sharing. . .other than Sprout. Thank goodness we saved the milkshakes." She pulled out the room temperature shakes and sighed. "Wish they held up better."

"Ooh, shakes, what's the special occasion?" Izzy spun around in the stool before quickly deciding that had been a terrible decision and grabbing the bucket in her hooves. "One second." Izzy vomited purple and stared in disbelief at the bucket. "Note to self, purple liquids are a terrible idea for alcohol."

Posey gagged for a moment and pushed the pizza closer to keep her appetite. "We went to the hospital. For the ultrasound."

Sprout raised an eyebrow. "I thought we weren't going to tell her."

Posey shrugged. "You see these two clowns? I know when ponies are pretty out of it and Izzy and Hitch passed that exit a long time ago. Our luck? They don't remember any or most of this and we get to watch Hitch act like a fool. You know how long I've waited for this? He wrote me up for complaining too much."

"Which you freaking did, Posey, you know how you sound when you come in ranting about indecency laws?" Hitch pointed a hoof in her direction, his drunkenness making his confident point more like an unsure suggestion as he looked directly at the floor. "I mean barring like Pipp and a few Canterlogic ponies out and about, everypony I know is naked ninety percent of the time barring winter. You know how difficult it is to stay calm cool and collected when everypony is flashing me? It is so very, very difficult. And I should write you up for indecency yourself, Posey, I mean all I heard for the last six months was 'Oh my goodness, Sprout is so hot, I can't keep my hooves off him.' and I get sent footage from like six different angles of you two breaking a metal bench from screwing like rabbits. And I know what that is like. I get to hear rabbits speak dirty every spring and those things get freaky."

"Touche." Posey grinned ever so slightly. "I think I like Hitch with a spine. Sure somepony is much hotter in my married eyes, but if you only acted like this more often I wouldn't think you were a bump on a log or just so bland."

Sprout sighed. "No, Posey, we aren't going to let Hitch be a raging alcoholic twenty four hours a day."

Posey crossed her hooves for a moment before grabbing a slice of pizza and shoving it in her mouth. She swallowed and rolled her eyes. "If you weren't cute, I'd have some harsh words for you, Sprout." She winked.

Sprout grimaced. "Let's leave that for later."

"Oh I will."

Hitch gagged and took a big gulp of water. "Can we not. I already had to help you idiots take pictures and see the photos plastered up everywhere-"

"-ah, Primrose and Windy did their jobs then, rad. I was going to text them but I forgot to check up. Thanks Hitch." Izzy smiled. "Those were some great pics. I mean I'm gay and the slogans got me. 'I'm a milking machine, my wrecking balls will break down Canterlogic's walls. The slogans were some of my best and most cutting work."

"-that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm still pissed that you did my hobby better than me. You're a natural and I had to spend years learning how to be comfortable doing it."

Sprout cocked his head. "What?"

"I mean you have a wife, a normal job now, and that-" Hitch pointed at Sprout's crotch. "It's obnoxious. Like I can't compete with that and you made the town think I was old news. And that hurts."

Sprout's eye twitched as he gripped the table. He was used to Hitch's inner feelings spilling out when he was drunk. In fact, this wasn't the first time he had to walk in and sober up the Sheriff. The orange pony had a usually fine time with alcohol, but every few years- or when his feelings had been bottled up too long- the stallion would call him in some state of distress and, as his Deputy, he had to drag him back to sobriety. He had to do it when Hitch's parents died, he did it when Hitch got dragged through the review board for being 'too nice to the enemy', he did it when one of Hitch's animal buddies died.

He was often there for Hitch. Maybe it was the pair of them, with Sunny, being foalhood friends. Maybe it was his unrequited attraction towards the ten time winning 'Maretime Bay's Hottest Bachelor', maybe it was because compared to Sprout's upbringing making him into the heir apparent for Canterlogic sanding off every attempt of personality and drive while Hitch had a seemingly perfect foalhood where his mom actually cared for him as a pony.

Sprout breathed out and took one look at Posey. "I'll be right back."

Posey knew the look that Sprout gave. "Oh, fuck. Well don’t go all out, Sprout. I don’t like him that much but Pipp wouldn’t hear the end of it if Hitch got majorly hurt.”

Her red stallion sighed and slowly nodded before he led Hitch outside for a talk. He was unsure if hooves would be allowed or not but he had an idea to make it likely he wasn’t going to rip Hitch’s head off.

Sprout led and Hitch followed on wobbling hooves through the middle of town and towards the shore. He knew enough of the town’s proclivities that at this time of night it was a mostly empty place perfect for a heart to heart or two stallions butting heads with one another- he had to break up a few honor duels before so he knew the feeling of one at a glance- and Hitch’s hurt glassy eyes were trained on his back like two burning coals.

“Nice night for a little chat, huh?” Sprout nervously tried to speak to his oldest friend and; while he felt the rippling power of his anger and frustration with the magic flowing through him, he was attempting to make better choices. He was thinking about his future and brawling with Hitch- no matter how boneheaded he could be while sloshed- was not a good look for his burgeoning brood.

“Like any night.” Hitch’s words came out slurred and slow, the stallion unsteady on his hooves as he turned towards the most distant place in town perfect for the drag out fight he ran through in his mind over and over on the stumbling canter here. “Put ‘’em up, Sprout.”

Sprout slowly got up on his back hooves, the weight of his turgid nutsack pulling his center of mass downward and as he got fully to his dueling position he began to realize that his engorged parts were dragging on the ground since in his rush to the bar he had been unable to drain himself and so he was happy he had a simmering anger within him- without his focus on Hitch he would be stuck in a compromising position. He shifted his weight on his hooves as he already felt his back cry out for help. He knew he should have listened more to Posey about working out and he was now paying the price.

Hitch wasn’t doing that good either as he was swaying like he was on the ocean as he walked closer to Sprout.

Hitch threw the first punch, a swinging haymaker as he tried to hit his red target and missed. Sprout wondered what he saw through his eyes- was he drunk enough to see multiples of him or not. He soon got his question answered as Hitch stumbled forward and began flailing his hooves around him and not getting a single glancing blow on him.

Sprout weaved through the assault and hugged him close,. He felt the hot breath of the other stallion in his ear and he felt a shiver go up his spine as he felt years of longing well up in his throat and he blushed as he felt their privates touch. He had spent so long keeping as far away from Hitch to never have this problem happen and, for a moment, he reconsidered his decision to a bear hug to corral his flailing friend.

Hitch made him regret the pause as years of dedicated sheriff training welled up in the incredibly sloshed stallion and he reflexively sent a message with a swift kick to Sprout’s largest and fleshiest weak point- a direct and painful hit to his nuts.

Sprout fought the urge to vomit as his body recoiled in pain, flashes of color dancing in his vision as he stumbled backwards, his hooves slipping on the riverbank’s messy mud as he fell into the lake, the twin shocks of burning pain in Posey’s favorite place and the freezing cold water making him unable to breathe for what felt like an eternity and he could only stare into space unable to focus on anything specific as he felt muscles he barely used keep down his dinner. He slumped face first into the mud and grit his teeth as he felt himself sink into the mud and he floundered as he tried not to drown in an unfortunate farce of pain. He tried not to swallow any salt water, failing somewhat as he dragged himself out of the Bay like a movie monster and flopped onto the shore, his lungs working overtime as he hoped he hadn't burst something with that well placed kick.

If Sprout wasn’t internally screaming into the painful void, he would have a few ideas for him and Posey to try out- his swelling issue had made him feel self conscious about so many things- and the pain made him reconsider others- he needed to work out since he would rather not be dragged into the depths unable to surface thanks to his bottom heavy particulars.

He slumped into a bush and fainted.

***

“Good thing I put Sprout in my “Find My Favorite Penis app”

Sprout wavered into consciousness as he heard Posey’s melodious voice, her slight humor being the only hint that he wasn’t dead since he imagined she would be incredibly sad if he kicked the bucket. Her humor told him that while all he could feel was pain. , he wasn’t on death’s door at least.

“Hitch looks terrible, Posey, are we sure we shouldn’t like go to the hospital right this minute?” That wasn’t Izzy or Sunny. The song song melody it had gave him a hint that it was probably a very worried Pipp, though Sprout didn’t want to check since he rather liked being dead in spirit.

“Ask your sister if you want help in nursing a drunk idiot. Or ask the internet. You know how common this is? Give a few stallions some booze and wait for them to either find something to bicker and fight about or their latent uncomfortable feelings come oozing out in a rush. But this tells me that I should probably ban Sprout from using his hooves in a way. Wonderful stallion and all but he's terrible in a fight. You know that I beat him in hoof wrestling contests like half the time?"

"It's not that bad of a record." Sprout sputtered out a response and tried to roll over and quickly decided not to as he felt a burning pain from his groin again. "Ow."

"Oh good, Sprout's not dead." Posey came into Sprout's vision and pouted. "You know how hard it would have been raising four foals as a single mother? Pretty hard. Not impossible, but hard enough, so I'm glad Hitch didn't off you in a drunken fit of rage." Her slight chuckle as she finished her sentence told him that his yellow mare was telling an uncharacteristic joke.

"You should see the other guy." Sprout put out a hoof and Posey yanked him up with some effort. "How is Hitch?"

Pipp cringed as she took a quick look over him. "Broke his nose. Black eye. You really did a number on him."

Sprout groaned in pain. "Yeah, barely touched him The fight was over in like three moves. Tried to restrain him and he kicked me right where it hurts. Fell into the lake and probably almost drowned thanks to the shock and. . .well, heft of some things."

Posey frowned. "Death by being too hung, never thought I'd see the day."

"It's not a joke, Pose, I'm being serious."

"And I'm saying that sounds hot, if a bit of a problem cause I like having you stay alive and all that. Tells me you just need to relearn how to swim."

"Ha ha ha. What I really need is a lot of ice because it really hurts to move. You'll never know the pain a direct hit to the balls is like and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy."

"Your worst enemies are all mares so I don't think that's a relevant threat." Pipp cocked her head in confusion.

"It's the spirit of the thing."

***

Sprout leaned back on the couch, his mane wet and smelling of lilacs as he had just got out of cleaning himself- he had tried to protest the action due to the pain coursing through him, the dull ache of his crotch pulsing in time with his heartbeat. Posey had overruled him since she was the one with her name on the lease and she would rather clean his mud off of him herself and not have a large track of mud in her house. He lost the argument and had found himself in the backyard staring down a hose and praying to some higher power that he wouldn't die.

"You want me to pull out the frozen pizzas or not?" Posey poked her head out wondering what her sexy hurt stallion needed. "I mean you already put all our ice cream and ice packs on your nuts. If you melt all of them with this stupid idea to 'stop the swelling' then the food budget is coming out of your money this week."

"We pool our money together."

"I am the one that runs the plant business, Sprout. Until you want to take over the budgeting and all that stuff, I get to choose how much I pay you. And be grateful you're cute, drum up business, and can do tons of magic. Else I'd have cut your bonus long before."

Sprout shifted in the couch, careful not to topple the makeshift ice blanket he had on, the pile of ice cream soothing the ache that his red globes held deep within. He quickly wondered if he should have gone to the emergency room just to make sure he didn't rupture something but he had decided against it since he could only deal with going to the doctor once a day and, secondly, the hospital bill would be atrocious. He used a spoon and scooped out some ice cream- not caring what flavor it would be. The hint of chocolate chip hit his taste buds and he sighed in contentment.

Posey came in and tried to sashay towards the couch, her pregnant stomach making it hard as she waddled seductively towards it, the leftover pizza in a hoof and a plastic bag in another. "I have a bit of a present for you. For the coming months when I have to stop worshipping your obsidian pole."

"Obsidian?" Sprout blinked, the dull ache and late hour of the night not letting him pick up on any euphemisms.

Posey rolled her eyes. "For when I can't fuck you due to doctor's orders. We talked about this. I mean I'd be down for anything in the later months but I doubt my body would be that willing. So I kind of called in a favor or two with the scientific princess."

Sprout cocked his head at that. "You somehow got Zipp of all ponies to build something for me?"

Posey blushed. "It was a lot of favors and she thought it was a good challenge and funny enough to do it." Posey pushed the plastic bag towards her stallion and waited for him to take it. "I had it stashed for a little bit since I knew something like that recommended advice would be coming up so here."

"Dunno what's got you so flustered." He took the bag and was surprised by its light weight. "You sure this can help me? It doesn't feel weighty enough to do anything." He looked in and found a tiny machine that looked oddly like a milking machine, the silver collection tub and tubing connected to a cute little suction device. He had knowledge of such machines since his mother had forced him to learn the ins and outs of everything Canterlogic and, for some reason, that required him to know far too much about the daily routine of cattle rearing. "Is this a gag gift or something? It's kind of y'know. . .small."

Posey grumbled. "I had to ask for help from Izzy since I didn't want to carry around a two hundred pound gift in my condition. Hence the favors and not just one favor for this thing. She put some weird hex on it where you prod it in a certain way and it changes size so its more. . .portable."

"When did you even do this?""

Posey rolled her eyes. "I'm not stupid, I knew you were going to have issues as I got closer to term so I was going to do it at some point since we screwed like rabbits for months. Then your nuts blew up to the size of pumpkins and I had to fast track the idea." She ran a hoof over his leathery sack and kneaded a hefty nut, her eyes tracing the faint purple stretchmarks that littered his sack as his body tried to contain the flood of cum that her stallion held within him at the moment. She could faintly hear the sloshing of his nut butter as she patted him down gently since even her deft touch made him moan in a mix of pain and delight. "You'll press the button right here and voosh, a full sized, fully functional mix between a penis pump, an onahole, and a milking machine for only the most virile of bulls. . .or in this case stallions with a bit too much magical testosterone. Though I think you look somehow even more handsome with your beard and dad bod all to myself."

Sprout leaned into her touch, his body not caring about the ache from his core. "What you think I'm going to cheat on you? I can't remember who said if I did that, I'd regret it."

"I said I'd off you as mostly a joke. But I'm glad somepony remembered that." She leaned into a kiss and threw her hooves around his neck, not caring that her movement unto the medium sized couch and into his deceptively strong touch caused a small avalanche of ice cream to fall to the floor in a haphazard mess. She broke the kiss to breathe in the air- though that was full of his heady forest scented musk. "Oh and secondly, promise me that you won't fight anypony ever again. Not that you wouldn't mop the floor with ponies, but that I have four foals right here-" she pointed at her belly and faintly felt a kick of hooves as she did so. "and you are far better speaking your way out of a fight than using your hooves to end one."

"I think I learned that tonight."

"Good. My business would take a massive if you kicked the bucket." Posey nuzzled into Sprout's neck, feeling the wiry beard brush into her, his lilac scent from the shower a nice smell on him even if he complained it smelled a bit too feminine. She briefly rolled her eyes at that thought. Like somepony would mistake Sprout as a mare with what he had between his thighs. She felt him shift ever so slightly under her as he supported her weight. "You know what sounds like a good idea?"

Sprout didn't like that tone of Posey's. That usually told him she had far more amorous ideas on her mind, the husky undertone causing him to shiver in anticipation.

"Hooflix and chill. Though I think switching the order might be a good idea." She traced a hoof down his side as she slid down her stallion, her touch raining down upon him as she fondled him gently, careful not to cause him too much discomfort since her plan was to give him pleasure- not to accentuate his pain. "Think of this as a gift from me to you."

B-but Pose, you already do stuff-"

She reached up and shushed him with a hoof. "I know that. This is for letting me have foals." She breathed out. "I always wanted them, but be it personality, timing, or luck, I had resigned myself to pine after a certain stallion and do unfulfilling one night stands with stallions I don't care to remember. With this, I get the best of both worlds. Fun times and you." She traced a hoof over his treasure trail of curly yellow hair that led directly to his pillar of penetrative perfection and she felt his abs under the slight flab that she had grown to enjoy. "I love you. So very very much."

"You married me."

Posey blushed. She slightly wondered her emotional mood was the heady mix of hormones that pregnancy gave her or she was just feeling open enough to fully share her feelings she lacquered over with sarcasm and anger. "I did. And it was the best decision I've made so far." She breathed out and tried to center her emotions once again. "Though if you actually say that to others I doubt they'd fully believe you."

"Sure." Sprout didn't want to mention that everypony could already tell a slight but noticeable change in Posey's mood, but he'd play along because she was cute. "Whatever you say."

"Good. Now don't mind me but I'm going to help your swelling my own way and have a protein smoothie directly from the tap."

Sprout cocked his head in confusion and almost asked what she was talking about.

Posey stared directly at Sprout's dick, his sheer size making the floppy, half hard meat stick unable to be in his sheath since it no longer fit cleanly within it, the magical issue he had causing it to hang like a limp noodle. That would be a normally obscene picture that she would have lost her marbles over so very long ago, her self imposed morality police hobby long since passed into hazy dreamlike memories since she had found a far more fulfilling and fun thing to do with a husband than judge the town and its failings.

Though she still did that on her own free time.

But she marveled at the thought that Sprout's ginormous schlong looked tiny when next to his bean bag like baby making balloons. She felt their heat and could smell his own personal scent even over the strong shampoo she had used to clean the muck off his huge tract of land. She arched her body forward, careful to keep as much weight of his pendulous coin purse as she latched onto his floppy stick like a vacuum cleaner and started waking up his monster.

It took a couple minutes as blood rushed through its length, bloating it to full mast, the sheer heft of it causing it to lean ever so slightly down as even the hardest and most masculine length couldn't fully escape the pull of gravity. Posey slid down his length in a practiced simplicity, his rod curving down her gullet until she reached the medial ring which gave her some difficulty as it flared out even wider than Sprout's baseball bat of a tip, with a quick shift, she opened as wide as she could and the thing slid into her mouth with a pop. She didn't go any further since she hadn't given him a oral presentation in a good while and she could feel his pillar deep within her and she wasn't completely insane.

She looked at the nearly two feet of schlong still outside of her and she quickly started her marathon sprint to jack him off before the lack of oxygen won out. She did this with a ferocity that shocked her partner as his moans and slight thrusts told her that she was on the right track.

Posey felt the flicker of unconsciousness in her periphery as her ministrations paid off and Sprout grunted and released his first of many dam breaking orgasms. Posey felt like she was on the ocean or a very functional water bed as each load was like an earthquake tremor hitting her, the ripple in his orbs a useful tool to focus on as her new fear wasn't the sweet release of unconsciousness, but drowning.

Posey grunted in slight pain as she felt her belly button pop out as her body tried to contain the veritable ocean of virile seed and she briefly wondered what the nutritionist would say about the caloric density of semen. It felt like an eternity before Sprout's dick shrunk back down to its comparatively small size and let her angle her aching jaw over its medial ring with a pop. She fell backwards, her now sizable middle making her look due with six or seven foals, not four.

She breathed in deeply, gulping down air before turning to her stallion, coughing, and trying to speak, her voice raw and raspy from the excitement of the previous few minutes. "I'm not doing that again for a good long while." She breathed out and waited until her voice didn't sound like garbage. "Tomorrow, I'll teach you how to use your present, tonight let's just relax."

"What should we do about the ice cream?"

"Fuck it, I'm not putting that stuff away right now. We can just split costs on the groceries cause them melting is now both of our faults. Now turn on the tv before I rethink my decision."

"You got it."

You Can Have My Isolation, You Can Have The Hate That It Brings

"Why do I have to do this again, Hitch?" Sprout sat at his desk slightly annoyed at the grandiose tale that Hitch had outlined for him. He had somehow missed the most exciting thing that happened to Maretime Bay since Izzy fucking Moonbow came and ripped the bandage off the idyllic little town.

Hitch straightened his sheriff badge and patted his new baby dragon on the head before turning to Sprout. "-because you have similar interests and the last time I tried to deal with Posey's rehabilitation process, she just stared daggers into my soul."

Sprout waved a hoof. "Just because my mom made me do a tour around Bridlewood and Zephyr Heights to help rehabilitate Canterlogic's 'evil reputation' doesn't mean I would get Posey. I mean she grows flowers and I. . .do stuff that isn't that."

Hitch rolled his eyes. "Well, when I tried Sunny's method of friendship heals all wounds, Posey tried to make one of those little flowers try to eat me. So having a reformed dictator, no matter how incompetent, talk to her might get her attention." Hitch waited for Sprout to take the bait- he had years knowing what words to use to get his assistant sheriff to do work and making light of accomplishments worked wonders. Made him feel awful, truly, but Posey freaked him out.

Sprout fidgeted, his eye twitching ever so slightly as he tried to stay calm, and carefully set his pizza slice down on a nearby plate. "Fine, but you are going to totally owe me like a pizza a week for this. I mean the last time I truly talked to Posey was when I was a foal, and she hated my guts ever since. "

Hitch waved a hoof. "That was years ago. Plus, she asked for you personally. She was really persistent on that- she kind of broke the interrogation desk we had."

Sprout cocked his head. "We have an interrogation room?"

"Had one. Have to order new stuff for it from Bridlewood because it really wasn't made for angry earth ponies with magic in mind. Magical hoofcuffs are on the top of the list after she tried to show me a really neat trick of breaking the old cuffs in sheer anger and breaking the table in half. And then she kept stomping on the pieces. Honestly think she broke the concrete too. Hard to tell since I kind of booked it once she started asking for the manager." Hitch sighed. "I am the manager in that situation."

Sprout felt a fear come over him when he heard that. A fear mixed with a sense that it sounded really hot in theory. He always liked tough mares and that sounded right up his alley.

***

Posey carefully trimmed her roses with a few necessary snips, the rose bush had grown a bit too large for her small plot of land and there was no other option but to start trimming her bush. it was just too hard to get closer to the other flowers and while it was a good deterrent to those who saw her flower shop as a mere flight of fancy or those too dumb enough to not see the signs plastered around her lawn- no trespassing, do not step on the flowers, keep away. All very good legible signs that she didn't normally want visitors to her own private patch of Equestria.

Sunny Starscout had ruined all that. The earth pony had opened the gates to all matter of unreasonable ponies. Posey could deal with earth ponies fine, they all had similar likes and wants but when the unicorns and pegasi invaded, that was the first and last straw. Pegasi flew through the air like they owned it and unicorns showed off their magic like they were better than everypony else.

Posey carefully snipped the rose thorns and plucked out the offending stems. "And all I got for speaking my mind was community service."

True, she had said some rather horrible things and almost started a race war again but who was counting. Well, the unknowing, uncaring vast black nothingness of the abyss that started swallowing the town in its vast empty jaws was a factor that had pushed Hitch and the others to call for some kind of punishment. You couldn't just get off with a slap on the hoof for unleashing nothingness. So, community service it was. Posey had to laugh. If pony unity was on the brink of destruction over some words and feelings, then it wasn't that strong to begin with.

She carefully set the shears aside and tapped her hooves. Her community service was supposed to start right now and while the distance from the Sheriff's Office to her place was outside the norm for Maretime Bay, she had timed the walk and there were few earth ponies that were slower than her. Especially if Hitch had explained in detail her little display of anger. She had tried to keep calm when the do-gooder sheriff read her criminal rights, but she had been rather annoyed with the whole farce of it. They needed a scapegoat in a way, a face to connect how their precious magic broke and she was it.

"Fuck that shit." She stretched her hooves and groaned as her back popped from hours of hard gardening. "Guess I'll just have to write a firmly worded complaint to show how completely mad I am. They'd probably say it was just a normal day for me, but there's a whole procedure that should be followed. It's not my fault Maretime Bay has a no crime problem. Sunny should have thought of that before causing upheaval and chaos. The town worked perfectly well without the whole foreign pony problem."

She kept an eye on the horizon, a hoof shading her face from the hot springtime air. She squinted, possibly seeing a red dot coming ever closer. She blinked and opened her eyes to a distant Sprout running the fastest she had ever seen him go. Hitch must have put the fear of earth into him to get him to move that fast. Commendable effort, she filed her complaint away for the time being and waited. If Hitch had been the one to welcome her to community service, she would have sent in complaints in triplicate. But Sprout? She had plans for him. Mainly because he lit a fire in her loins that she normally only felt when she was masturbating.

She blamed the whole 'accidentally take over the town' debacle. She always had a thing for stallions in power. Especially cute idiot stallions that let her have some fun with them. And Sprout was definitely shorter and smaller than her.

***

Posey had expected community service to be somewhat easy. It was Maretime Bay for earth's sake, littering was a crime in and of itself and yet here she was dressed up in garish orange and picking up bags of trash. And every time she thought she was done with an area, more and more litter rained down from the sky.

Posey glared up at Windy who casually dumped an entire garbage can on the street. Her eye twitched as she gripped the garbage grabber in her hooves and tried not to break it. "Hey, no littering."

Windy shrugged and lazily flopped on her back, her wings propping her up. Posey seethed for two reasons now. Zipp opening up that stupid fucking training school for pegasi made her pissed because it was hard enough dealing with the winged ones normally but the bravado and sheer sass of them lazily floating about when earth ponies were the ones doing all the work just irked her. "Hitch's orders, Posey, he temporarily froze the crime of littering today. Something about helping you do some community service, whatever that means. Either way I'm on the Litter Squad."

Posey gritted her teeth. She now knew exactly why Hitch agreed to let Sprout anywhere near her. If Hitch was here in her presence, she'd wrap her hooves around his neck and strangle him. There was a time and place to suspend or change the criminal code and it was called town hall meetings. Because Sprout was here, she would be on her best behavior. Or at least an attempt would be made to be 'chill'.

"Huh, Hitch hadn't told me that. Though maybe I wasn't listening then, he kind of never shuts up about justice and the law. Honestly kind of boring." Sprout leaned against a nearby wall, completely not paying attention to the 'No Loitering' sign right above his head, slowly drinking one of Sunny's rainbow smoothies as he cautiously watched Posey pick up trash. It was probably the most boring task he'd done in the last month while working but he was getting paid at least.

He'd do a lot of stuff for money. Same for attention. His court appointed psychologist called it a 'character flaw.'

Posey sighed carefully picking up Windy's trash. She didn't know where it had been, especially since the reddish pink pegasus was known to be a bit of a whore. She'd heard rumors of the pegasus just flitting about Maretime Bay and beyond looking for hookups. She just looked like a mare who had tasted every flavor of pony known to ponykind- earth, pegasi, unicorn. If Sunny wasn't such a nerd, she'd probably see what alicorn tasted like.

Posey almost smiled. then she realized what she was doing and sighed. careful not to step in the liquid goo that came out of the trash. She tried not to gag, dry heaving as she went about her business.

Posey leaned back in the cafe's chair, she felt disgusting after hours of doing Maretime Bay's trash collection- she had seen things that she didn't want to imagine ever again. She had thought Maretime Bay was a good sexless town and the trash she had picked up definitely dispelled some of that- she blamed the new foreign influences. Sure, she had her own collection of sex toys, any mare worth her cutie mark did, but they were earth pony made and not these new magical designs or streamlined pegasi make. Just some old time get the job done kind of toy. She groaned as she felt muscles she didn't know she had ache and she felt horribly sticky with the sweat she had all over her. She worked out a lot, but the constant bend and snap of picking up trash was unfamiliar to her muscles.

"Okay so community service day one done. Let's see, that makes you have to complete like sixty more hours." Sprout carefully penciled in his notebook for later. He would normally not care much about procedure, but with this being the first criminal case in the Bay that wasn't over damaged sandcastles or food complaints, it was kind of novel. "So, twenty more weeks of this, and you will be done."

Posey rolled her eyes. "Thanks, Emperor Sprout."

Sprout stopped and cocked his head. "What?"

Posey blinked. She hadn't wanted that to come out right now. She mentally called him that all the time. It was hard not to when the slightly pudgy stallion took control of Maretime Bay so easily. She squirmed in her chair as she tried not to get all hot and bothered about all the rather naughty daydreams she had of him. "Oh, just kidding. It's a joke. Cause you went through all the same community service things, right, Sprout?" She mentally cheered as she saved herself a rather awkward time.

Sprout blushed slightly. "Yes, but actually no. If you think this is bad, try explaining yourself to every single random pony in Equestria. I liked seeing other towns, but having ponies just stare angrily because I decided building a weapon of mass destruction was a good idea."

"It was a good idea."

Sprout blinked. "I mean it was a cool idea, but it wasn't a great one. Kind of hurt Canterlogic's whole brand."

Posey rolled her eyes. "It was only a bad idea because you didn't win. If you had, you'd have created a earth pony paradise where everyone was the same because they would have had no magic."

Sprout blushed slightly. He hadn't thought of it like that before. It made at least a little bit of sense. "Okay, but I also kind of like Maretime Bay as it is now. Sure, we have way more foreign crime doers that make our jobs harder but having new tv shows and games from other parts of Equestria is kind of neat. Even though when I told the other pony races what pizza was, they thought I was kidding. Like who hasn't heard about pizza? It's only the second-best food outside of ice cream. Though maybe its actually the best food since dessert pizza exists."

Posey tried not to groan. She carefully tapped her hoof as she listened to Sprout ramble on about different pony cultures and all that rot that she kind of hated. She faked paying attention by just staring at his face, seeing his mouth blab away about nonsense, imagining him reaching over the table and kissing her passionately on the mouth, his breath hot and fast as he ground his tongue into hers. He would bridal carry her to her place and they would rut gloriously for days. . .

"Posey. are you okay? You're looking flustered about something. Is it something I said?"

Posey pulled out of her reverie in a huff. She had just been blocked from having an imaginary Sprout rut her senseless. She rubbed her legs together to try and get back to reality. She grimaced as she felt the need in her loins for a mate. She had overjudged her restraint when it came to her wants. "I'm fine. I think the heat is just getting to me, Emperor." She tried to smile as she mentally chided herself for calling him Emperor yet again. "I just remembered that I had places to be and appointments to keep."

"Okay, cool. Uh, well I still have to keep an eye on you cause Hitch kind of told me to keep an eye on you. What with it being only a few weeks after you nearly made the town into a lynch mob. He explicitly told me to keep you in my sights all day just so Maretime Bay doesn't fall into 'chaos and disharmony'- some phrase Sunny told him once. Her and her magical history nonsense, I think, but I don't want to have the town swallowed up on my watch. I'd probably be grounded for months afterwards or dead."

Posey put Hitch lower on her shit list as she heard that. He may be a goody horseshoes and kind of a bitch about rules and regulations but having Sprout to herself all day? Not even in her wildest dreams could she have imagined that.

***

"Welcome to Mane Melody, how may I help you today. . ." Jazz's customer service smile almost faltered as she saw the pony that was entering the mane salon. Posey was one tough customer and the last time she entered the place, Pipp had a near existential breakdown due to light criticism. Pipp was a decent boss, but she handled bad reviews like it was the end of the world. Jazz breathed out and carefully sat up in her chair, lightly showing off to Maretime Bay's number one racist that she was an earth pony. Maybe starting off on a correct hoof to diffuse a situation was a good idea. It was better at least to her than spending hours hearing Pipp wail about her review scores on the internet and seeing her eat horrifying amounts of ice cream in one sitting, "Hey, Posey what are you and. . . Sprout doing here?"

Posey rolled her eyes. "What do you think? To do my mane for today, duh." Sometimes ponies were as dumb as rocks. "Why are you out here greeting customers anyway. Like you are an earth pony, a decent one even if I dislike your mane colors and all that, you'd think Pipp would have a nice idea to use ponies that know what they are doing with their kind."

Jazz carefully tapped her hooves together, today's nail polish a nice rainbow hue, and carefully chose her words. Posey was like a real large rock, immovable, tough as stone, hard to break, but with a few honeyed words and sidestepping her pointed barbs- Jazz could be like water and wear down even the hardest pony. There was a reason Posey came here anyway. Both Jazz and her knew but didn't mention that the yellow earth pony was pretty much banned from most establishments for bad behavior. "Oh, yes, that's true. But Pipp also had this odd idea called employee training and so sometimes we switch off on duties. Less efficient at times, but a well-rounded staff is better than a specialized staff in times of sickness or vacation. Now getting those pleasantries aside, what services do you want today? The usual?"

Posey shook her head. She wasn't planning on looking average for Sprout. And she lived frugally enough that she could splurge a bit. "While I normally would say yes, I want to do something different, it's been a while since I treated myself. What's your most expensive option? You know besides the one that has the whole song and dance number, I'd never be in the mood for that. It's too annoying for me."

Jazz cocked her head. That's a new one. Posey was normally one for doing the exact same mane style with no shampoo or hooficures or anything of the sort. It was odd. Very odd. Then the blue earth pony was hit by the oddest notion she had. If the yellow mare was diverging heavily from her routine it had to be for one reason: she was in the yearly mood for sex and she wanted to get with somepony. Jazz grimaced. The only pony she'd ever come in with was Sprout right here. Sure, there were whispers that Posey fucked, but there was no real proof. The thought horrified the manicurist, and she felt her eye twitch as the image of a Posey in the throes of anything close to passion hit her brain. "Cool, yeah. I'll get right on it. One full package sans karaoke session coming up." She trotted off to warn Rocky that Posey might be trying to get in bed with the Bay's worst bachelor. The pegasi stallion was a nasty gossip and he'd love this shit.

Posey ran through the halls of Canterlogic, her mane and coat soaking wet from the rainstorm outside, her flowers waterlogged and unusable. She heard the muffled speech of Mrs. Cloverleaf through the vents as she passed by. Talk of terrible unicorns and uncouth pegasi and how Canterlogic 'would be a beacon in the storm of uncertainty'. How fitting. Posey sighed as she put down the basket of flowers and laid her head back on the cold steel walls of the factory.

"Are you okay?"

Posey jumped up scattering her nearby basket in shock. She had expected to be completely alone. It was Bay policy for most of the town to come in and listen to Canterlogic branded talks and besides the odd few ponies that lived in the lighthouse, she expected most of the town to be behind those walls. The only reason she wasn't was because she had tried to pick rare flowers out near the beach- the tropical blooms happening so infrequently to be almost like magic, blooming once every few moons. She stared down at the turned over hoofwork, the coral lillies and seafoam tulips sitting in the wet carpet. "No."

The pony bent down to start picking up the ruined flowers, his red coat and mane that looked familiar, but she couldn't place from where. "Too bad about your flowers. My mom says freak thunderstorms are from the pegasi up near Zephyr Heights who are trying to drown us. That or something about unicorns cursing the skies." The colt hastily picked up the basket, his hooves scampering over the carpet for any lost flowers, no matter how limp. "Anyways, I'm surprised you are out here. The only reason I get to be out of the learning room is that I already heard the speech like a thousand times. That and I could list the entire Canterlogic code of conduct in my sleep."

Posey nodded, unused to having anypony help her. "I ran late. For the flowers. I'm Posey Bloom, I was running here, and I forgot how far away the beach was." She blushed since she had thought of timing herself to see exactly how big the town was, but she had talked herself out of it. She didn't want to seem weird, especially not since Sunny Starscout was a pariah because she 'didn't get along with the town'.

The red colt whistled. "You went all the way to the beach. I'm jealous. Mom never lets me go outside without her permission. Something about water like that being dangerous. What was it like?"

Posey blinked. "Uh, it was the beach. Sand, trees, water. I would have probably stayed longer if this-" Posey pointed a hoof at the shut doors. "wasn't going on."

"You aren't missing much. You were here last month probably. The speech hasn't changed. I wish it would though, there's only so much end of the world talk about pegasi controlling the weather and unicorn curses versus our technology until a small part of me actually wants to see that happen. At least it would be more exciting than Mom trying to teach me the ins and outs of Canterlogic's numbers."

Posey cocked her head. "Uh, what?"

The colt facehoofed. "Oh, I never told you my name, did I? I mean it isn't' surprising since you're the first actual pony I've spoken to in like a month that isn't a tutor or in my mom's company. Sprout Cloverleaf at your service." The colt bowed as he spoke.

Posey's eyes went into pinpricks. She had been talking to Maretime Bay royalty for the last ten minutes and she never even noticed. She cursed herself for not realizing sooner, mentally chastising herself for not paying attention in the Canterlogic training days, thinking more of flowers than of the sheer danger. She had thought there might have been a colt near Mrs. Cloverleaf in the last few months. She looked down at her shaking hooves, unsure of what to do, her mind torn between fleeing in terror or hugging him.

She looked up into his nice green eyes and decked him in the muzzle, her brain just accepting that she did a bad thing, and that she'd probably be the Bay's newest pariah, her hooves scrambling for her wicker basket and running headlong through the lobby and into the rain outside. She didn't look back to even see what his face looked like, probably a tinge of hurt and surprise as he looked at her fleeing form.

That was the first, but not the last time she freaked out and punched him. Though that was the last real conversation the pair had that lasted more than a few minutes. She just couldn't deal with her emotions when she was near him. Some might call it a crush, but after years of watching him from afar and trying not to blurt out her feelings, it had turned into an obsession. And that was before he tried to take over the town. She had spent days afterwards scrounging the rubble of the square for pieces of his machine and scraps of his clothing like a deranged fan.

It was not her proudest moment.

***

Rocky stared down at the pony in his chair, her face covered by a mask of green mud. The tea of the situation was far weirder than he expected. He tried not to get too riled up, feeling his golden wings shake ever so slightly as he tried to keep calm. Jazz had told him that Posey came in with the worst stallion in the Bay- he knew stallions well and Sprout wasn't a catch. Sure, there's a lid for every pot, but Sprout? Either Posey was completely nuts or. . .no, that had to be it. She could have chosen Hitch if she had been quick, or even there were a few unicorns and pegasi from outside Maretime Bay that could have been good for her. Then she opened her mouth and spilled out her horrifying life story. He was a stylist, not a relationship advisor. "So, you punched your first crush in the face and gave him a black eye?"

Posey leaned back in the chair, letting the sink of water wet her mane and allowing the winged one to even touch her for a brief moment. It wasn't like she had a choice. The earth pony focused shops had banned her after the whole "ruining magic for everypony" event she was trying to atone for. Or at least get a clean bill of goodness so she could be a member of society again. "High emotions. I mean I wouldn't do it again. Probably. Though I have thrown him out a window because he walked too close to me, and I saw his butt."

Rocky rolled his eyes. He had heard enough of the history of the town he moved to from Jazz. She had grown up here and saw every unfortunate event with Sprout and Posey- from what she described it was a comedy of errors. If Sprout had even breathed in the direction of the yellow pony, she would almost piledrive him into the dust. Rocky knew ponies enough that that was not the best way to start a relationship- he wasn't even in her dating pool and he though Posey was a complete nut. "Right, so what's the problem?"

Posey unpeeled a cucumber from her face and bit into it. "You know more about stallions that I do. I mean you and Windy are the town bicycles. She fucks anything that moves, and you only hunt for cock."

Rocky breathed out, careful not to upset Mane Melody's hard won near five-star rating. Windy was a good friend of his and she definitely wasn't anything near that reputation. "She's gay, Posey, not a monster. Also she is most definitely a lesbian, not 'a town bicycle.' Where did you hear that anyway?" He punctuated his words with a slight bit of harder pressure on her scalp.

Posey shrugged. "Here and there. Easy to hear rumors when I was the head of the Community Safety Board."

"Which is a made-up club full of you and your few acquaintances of old maids and horny mares. From what Jazz told me, you weren't even awarded a medal for your efforts of "morality policing" and Canterlogic loves stupid participation medals. Hell, they gave Lemon Tart a "best dance performance award" recently and he can't dance for shit unless he's hammered. And he was stone cold sober when he got that farce of an award."

Posey sputtered. She hadn't expected that small blemish on her record to be mentioned. Sure, it had been a decade of work that hadnt paid off, and Mrs. Cloverleaf hadn't singled her out for a medal, but it wasn't too bad. Half the town didn't have a medal. "Well, okay. rumors or not you do need to help. I mean I tried getting information on relationships from the internet and it led me into some odd corners of that place."

Rocky smirked. He wondered what site Posey had probably ended up on. If he had to guess by her delusional self, it was some "hot singles in Maretime Bay" scam site. "Okay, okay. One condition though."

Posey fidgeted. "Fine. What is it?"

"Stop being such a bitch. I know, I know, it's an impossible ask, but maybe you might get laid."

Posey huffed, crossing her hooves in protest. She was not the problem; it was the ponies around her that were.

"If you at least chill a bit with the whole 'the evil unicorns and pegasi are coming to get me' crap maybe it would be better. I mean even Canterlogic has chilled out a bit and there were the evil corporation that helped your dumb crush make a death machine. If you can do that, I'd give you a makeover that makes that colt unable to keep his hooves off you."

Posey thought about that deeply, she could just chill out with some of the pointed barbs in public and still keep her thoughts to herself behind closed doors. Nopony had to know about her collection of stuff that reminded her of only a month back- parts of the war machine, her own costume carefully sewn in the likeness of Sprout's, her pile of written plans on how to get back to some nicer time when there wasn't magic. Okay that last one made her cringe a bit because she liked making huge plants without as much effort- made her flower shop business that much easier to run. And scaring Windy every few days by magicking up a massive daisy made her fiendishly giggle. It was the small things that brought her joy. "Fine, fine. I'll try and stop having the town have a referendum on gay bars."

Rocky cocked an eyebrow.

"And stop calling you horrible monsters. Or trying to get lynch mobs be seen as peaceful protests. Is that better?"

The male pegasus flapped his wings in thought. "It's a start." He knew she was lying. He wasn't an idiot; she hadn't even looked him in the eyes for half of that- and she wasn't a pony that was shy about things normally. She literally sat outside of the Satin Stallion with a megaphone ranting about community morals. She was lying out her ass, but he wanted to see what was going to happen next. If these two fucked their brains out, it'd be the talk of the town and he could gloat about hitching these assholes up for the next decade. Maybe she could get fucked so hard she'd become nice, but that would take a miracle. And they were talking about Sprout- he could barely live on his own.

"Okay, I'll do it." He ruffled through his drawer for a few makeup options as he tried to figure out what exactly to do with Posey's mane. She took care of herself enough, but Sprout was a stallion, there could always be some more oomph to her. Well oomphier oomph. He had enough time on his hooves, and a few months of massaging the yellow mare that he knew that she was not just hard and mean with her words, but also hard as rock. If she was a stallion, he'd fuck her.

Rocky cringed at the thought as he swept her mane forward, trying to extract the hot mare underneath this crazy bitch.

***

Sprout tapped his hooves together. He hated waiting, the act of sitting down and passing time without much going on boring him immensely- he grumbled as since it was a work stakeout in a way, he hadn't been able to bring his hoofheld games and blast away some evil unicorn scum in Foal Cry 6, he had been trying to complete that game for so long, but life kept getting in the way.

He stared up at the ticking clock on the wall, the back-and-forth tick annoying him as it just teased him that time was going by ever so slowly. He had expected Posey's thing here to take not that long- she looked okay normally, the sweep of her mane and tail giving him ways to not look her directly in the eyes.

He had learned not to after years of looking and getting piledriven into the dirt for doing so.

He stared up at the ceiling, bored out of his mind, ready to stare directly into the buzzing lights above him. Maybe being blind was better than pure boredom. At least it wouldn't hurt.

"What are you looking at?" Posey's voice was close. He was glad, because he had run out of things to do. He wasn't Sunny's weird unicorn friend who could find meaning out of anything, he was normal.

Sprout shrugged. "Nothing. Guessing you are done then-" Sprout turned his head up and blinked. Posey's eyes were directly staring at him, without hesitation. What was worse was that she had a layer of makeup that accentuated her eyes, dark blue lightening to a pale green at the tips. It was so unlike the mare who barely used makeup that he was nearly drawn into the trap of staring into her eyes.

So, he did the safe thing and looked at her tail and balked as the safety of that was now ripped away as horror of horrors, the cropped mane and tail brought out areas of Posey that had been covered ever so nicely- primarily he had way too much view of her ass. Her tail thankfully was long enough to cover the true scary thing that his mother away warned him about- but it was too close to comfort. Especially since he hadn't realized that she had such a toned and muscular ass. He had expected such a feminine seeming pony to have similar features in places that stallions would talk about, but now it made total sense how he kept getting blindsided by her strength whenever she got mad. Because she was built like a brick shithouse, and he felt woefully inadequate for checking her out all these times.

It freaked him out and, horror of horrors, it turned him on.

***

"One spinach and mushroom pizza, large and one five cheese with white sauce as a base, large." The pizza pies were slid onto their shared table, the pony who carried the pizzas over glancing ever so quickly at their soda glasses and going back to their job when the niceties of service were over. They had groaned at their ticket when they learned who was on it- both ponies were notorious for barely tipping.

Posey crossed her hooves, the words of Rocky echoing through her mind. "I dunno about Sprout, but he is weird about pizza. Probably do a date there. And really get his attention that you want to do more stuff. He's oblivious. I mean he stepped into Maretime Bay's gay bar multiple times and almost became a regular just because he likes fruity drinks. Imagine the sheer disappointment when a bar full of horny stallions saw a twink like that and realized he wasn't gay." She grimaced at the thought of burly gay stallions objectifying her Sprout. That was her job. She was the one who wanted to gobble his dick. She sighed, maybe the gay stallion was right, maybe she had to come on super strong. Here she was with a makeover, and he could barely keep his eyes on her.

Sprout couldn't keep eye contact if his life depended on it. The red, pudgy stallion fidgeted fiercely whenever she had full eye contact. She grinned and took a few slices of her vegetarian pizza. She heard her stomach growl as she smelled the aroma of the seasoned mushroom pie and she quickly realized that she was rather famished. She had eaten briefly before Emperor Sprout had fetched her for her service to the town, but she hadn't expected the long and hard work that had entailed. She had thought it would have been easy. It was Maretime Bay after all, so Hitch relaxing his public ordinance on littering had ramped up the mess.

She felt a sore burning in her muscles that even Rocky's hard hooves and careful ministrations had not entirely worked out, though she wondered if it was because she spent most of the time outside in her garden or in the wilderness that her body, or at least parts of her were more akin to marble than the normal whorish displays of most ponies. Especially that Pipp, the plush pegasus princess that ran Mane Melody, everypony was infatuated with her and all Posey could see was a short, fat pudgeball of a pony. Posey rolled her eyes and shoved the pieces of pizza into her mouth, barely able to focus on the date as she wanted to sate her hunger.

Didn't help that it was her first actual date. Not that she was a virgin, but most ponies had done the one-night stand treatment- fuck and dash- when they realized that she was a few flowers short of a bouquet. Thankfully, she had put the fear of earth into them so there hadn't been a hit to her reputation. Hard to be a good member of the morality squad when you had every kind of earth pony sex toy on the market. Though she often squared that circle by thinking she had to- how else would she know the absolute debauchery in the hearts of others without hooves on experience?

"You hungry?" Posey glanced at Sprout's plate of pizza, barely touched. Which was odd because if the stallion could marry pizza and fuck it, he probably would.

The red stallion blushed and looked away from Posey's eyes, her cool greens studying him far more confidently than he was used to. A normal conversation had been off the table for nearly a decade and here they were in his favorite pizza place over a few pies. It was almost too perfect. And he had another issue that he was uncomfortable with. He was rock hard whenever he stared at her, the new shorter manecut had brought attention to her features and he just sat there staring, barely able to focus as she chowed down on pizza like his dream mare. Hitch joked once that Sprout had to go to therapy for being weird, but here he was almost agreeing that the orange stallion might be right. "I'm fine. Just not expecting you here is all. Especially like that. You know, uh, I heard grease was bad for makeup. Not like I know that or anything."

Posey smiled. He was rather cute when he was flustered. She leaned forward in her side of the booth and let her legs briefly touch his for a brief moment. "Well, you did deal with like a full hour of being in the mane salon. Had to be super boring, so I just thought I'd be nice and go to a place you'd like."

Sprout's mouth felt dry as he felt Posey's leg rub up to his, the motion making him wonder if there was something more here that he hadn't realized before. The odd slip ups of Posey- those odd 'Emperor' moments of hers- the makeover that accentuated and forced him to look at her, this pizza. . .date." He blinked and almost heard his mother's voice chastise him for falling into the most cliche of mare traps.

She wanted to fuck him. And he didn't know what to do because she could easily break him over her knee, and he wasn't used to the idea that he was actually attractive- years of being in Hitch's presence had made him used to being the "unattractive" one, and he hadn't even dated ever. Or even got laid because of how his mom made any potential marefriends go through an entire process before they even met Sprout- hoops of background checks, personality profiles, and being completely into Canterlogic's whole schtick had weaned any hope of him ever getting laid. And that was before he remembered his true shame- his massive throbbing dick.

He gulped and tried to calm down by eating his pizza. He usually felt better after that- that or ice cream and he had none to eat. He silently cursed Hitch for making him be the one to watch over Posey 'the entire day' and grimaced as he felt her back hooves tease his dick, the up and down ministrations edging him to release and letting off ever so slightly as to almost cause him to orgasm right then and there in public.

And he watched her coldly smile at him as she played coy and ate her pizza. She was playing with him like a piece of meat, and he was loving every minute of it. He just knew that his mom would be livid, and Hitch would probably be completely horrified, but they didn't have to know about this. He carefully continued eating his cheese pizza in silence as he felt an ache in parts that he had barely used because his mom had put the fear of God- or her- into him so often that he had barely even jacked off outside of the few times she had a business trip or the shameful times he hid in his closet to rub one out. The last time he did was six months ago, and it had been so messy that he barely had time to clean up the mess before his mother returned.

And here Posey was nonchalantly driving him mad in public. How very unlike whatever mare his mom would have tried to set him up with. She was the furthest thing from what his mom would call 'feminine' or 'coy' or 'wife material'.

The two ponies stared at each other, waiting for the other to break the sexual tension that was oozing out between them. It was a few minutes more until something finally broke in Sprout and he moved forward just a little, breaking the teasing up and down rhythm of Posey's hoof that was making it hard to focus. The red stallion blushed heavily as he pulled out his wallet and laid out a pile of bits that easily paid for the pair of pizzas multiple times over. He stared at Posey, her own cheeks flush with desire after nearly ten whole minutes of this sexual charade and breathed out a curt reply. "So going by what's been happening underneath this table, I might have to add time to your sentence. Though I'm unsure, I'd have to see what your cottage looks like first."

Posey blushed heavily as Sprout grasped her hoof firmly in his and didn't let go.

"But we need to get to go boxes for all this pizza cause I'm not wasting it."

***

Posey kicked her front door open and carried Sprout inside in a reverse bridal carry. She had run through Maretime Bay in record time, even more impressive since Sprout hadn't walked here at all. Sprout slid the boxes of pizza onto the table and sat down on her floral couch.

This was the first time a stallion was in her house- she had often separated business and pleasure so much that one-night flings had been in the woods or in someone's cart, not her place. And here she was staring at him on her couch, his hair slicked back with a sheen of sweat and his massive cock right there.

Posey balked for a moment. Sprout was not that large and was actually kind of short for a stallion. And she'd slept with a not small number of eligible stallions in the Bay. And he blew most of them out of the water, multiple feet of black stallion rod arcing painfully up his stomach, half the width of a soda bottle, his crotch visibly pulsing with need as her teasing had heavily inflated his balls to the size of grapefruits or slightly larger. She had no idea how to classify his monster dong. She gulped heavily as he laid back and groaned. He looked like the unicorn smut that she had started confiscating recently, but as far as she knew he was all natural.

"So, what's next? I mean I haven't been with a mare. . .ever." Sprout sheepishly looked up at the ceiling as he said that. He felt the radiating warmth from between his legs and sighed. He hadn't felt like this in years, his mother berating him for the last time he had fully let his dick control him- puberty had been an absolute awkward nightmare- and he wondered if that had caused his mom to start making sure dates were 'adequate' because he was cursed with a dick that was shamefully too big. He fidgeted as he waited for the horseshoe to drop- Posey would laugh at him or be shocked once she spoke again and he'd have to leave. It would make the most sense.

Posey stammered as she spoke. "I-I don't know. I thought I'd show you my costume I made that was a copy of your Emperor dress, and then we'd do it. I mean you kind of weren't that impressive in my wildest dreams." She blinked remembering the last thirty minutes, the size of his dick definitely nowhere near as big as what was on display here. "You weren't that big at the pizza shop. . .like you were adequate and all but not this big. I was carrying you through the town, how did I miss. . .oh fuck, Oh fuck, oh fuck. You're going to get indecent exposure. Or assault with a deadly weapon. I'm going to go to extra jail."

Sprout rolled his eyes. "First of all, I doubt ponies noticed since you ran through the town in such a blur. And Hitch wouldn't believe anypony that said you were bridal carrying me through the town. But yeah, I was kind of freaked out. And after years of training to not pop a boner in public, you kind of wore my stamina down. Fondling my junk in public- and being hit on by the mare I've had a crush on for forever? My name isn't Hitch Trailblazer, you scared me half to death and most of the blood went to this. Doesn't help that specialists called me a shower and a grower, whatever the fuck that means." Sprout grimaced. "My mom is going to kill me or ground me for sure." He winced as his dick pulsed, ready for action, impatient for what would come next. He didn't exactly know since his mom was tightlipped about the process, but his dick knew. At least he could figure out some of the basics because he had been curious once and looked at porn in shame.

The earth pony mare blinked. Sprout had a crush on her? For a while? And she had spent an entire decade piledriving him into the dirt? A twinge of regret nagged in her mind as she stared at her dream stallion, the short, slightly chubby set of him adorable and hiding the most impressive dong. The best of both worlds in her opinion. And her opinion mattered because she was supposed to be the most moral pony in town- barring secret indiscretions. She shivered at the thought. She had been bad and needed to be punished. She slowly rubbed her nethers together, the sexual need making a mess of her wooden floor as it dripped like a faucet.

Posey sighed and tossed her whole mental plan aside; the sexual cosplay of the Bay's hottest dictator could wait. She mentally thanked Rocky for her short pixie cut right now, imagining the mess her normal long ponytail would be in after whatever hot and heavy sex she was going to have. Mentally she'd have to tip the gay stallion extra and maybe ask for him to be her favorite worker in Mane Melody for a while- how very unlike her. She picked up Sprout gently in her hooves and slid him onto the floor. She may be focused on fulfilling a hole in her, but she didn't want to spend a few hundred bits cleaning her upholstery.

Sprout looked up at Posey, the closeness of the two now highlighting her muscles. He knew from minutes of glancing at her shortened tail that she had an ass that a bit could bounce off of, but her body was equally muscled, just it had been harder to notice since she had a layer of plush that had been hiding her physique until she squatted down and placed her hot bad place right above his. "What are you doing?" He looked up at her and could swear that she was almost on the verge of tears.

"I've been bad. Sprout, I need to be punished. And your dick is the most beautiful dick I've ever seen, no matter what anypony says. So, plow the ever-loving shit out of me until I can't walk."

Before he could protest, she speared herself on his dick and hilted him completely within her, the shock of having a mare actually take him fully made him feel like he was dreaming. It should have been impossible. His mom had taken him to doctors and every Canterlogic specialist since puberty and they had said it would be nearly impossible, the act of sex too painful for all but the rarest of partners. And Posey was pistoning herself madly up and down his rod like a madmare.

He was in love.

He grinned as he kept hilting inside Posey, mentally wishing he had taken the leap sooner, the feeling of her blazing hot insides odd to him- though he had no idea how to react. Years of not having sex or even seeing how truly fun it felt made the act so novel and new to him. He cautiously reached out and touched her, her coat covered in a fine mist of sweat, the musk of her causing his senses to focus on her fully. He hadn't realized that she smelled like roses until now. He had no reason to know that fact because she had always kept him at hoof's length.

She was amazing to watch her body in motion- he couldn't see all of her because of the way she straddled him, his view was primarily just her backside. Though it was a chiseled backside that he definitely enjoyed, the muscles all bunching together and moving apart in rhythm, her butt a work of art with how toned it was. It looked far larger up close- it made him think he was soon to see a lunar eclipse with how it felt like it towered over him.

He reached out and cupped it, the feel of the plush yet toned rear almost driving him over the edge as he did so. He breathed out slowly, trying to calm down. He felt his nuts slosh with seed, and he sat there dumbfounded for a moment. Here he was looking up at the hottest mare that would bone him, and his dick was thinking that wasn't enough for release. He sighed, wondering if years of porn mixed with learned sexual restraint and self-dislike of his member had desensitized it from this fantasy. He had the hottest mare in the Bay in his opinion bouncing on his dick and he was nowhere near release.

Whatever nonsense he mentally had, he had to come up with a solution quick or else the final release would be far too messy. He wasn't all that smart, unlike Sunny or Hitch, so he took a brief moment attempting to come up with an alternate solution, he found no good alternatives. All except for one. He had trained his dick without magic, the idea of earth pony magic not even a factor when he was growing up- if he shocked his system by using it, maybe he'd finally cum for the first time in half a year.

He breathed in and shut his eyes as he tried to remember the mumbo jumbo explanation that unicorn had spewed at him about magic. Something about believing in yourself or some hippie shit that he couldn't completely understand. Once Sunny's manic friend had ranted about sparkles, he had completely tuned her out. But he had a sort of baseline- she had said his magic was in his core, whatever that truly meant, either way he slowly focused on his heartbeat- faster than normal of course- and followed its course to his core.

He waited and waited, the beat of his heart and the ache of his loins the only things he focused on- until he found what he was looking for- his magic. It was small and faint and glowing a shade of green, but once he reached out and touched it, it spread into him and filled him with a resolve to break his dick's barrier for release. Letting out a cry of triumph, he fired up his hooves and he felt a burst of strength and a second wind he didn't know he had. He felt his orgasm rush over him like water and he squirmed as his vision blurred and nearly blacked out from the waves of pleasure that he had so often denied himself. The feeling

Posey slowed down her jackhammer motions as the blazing heat of Sprout's cum filled her to the brim. She groaned as she felt her most inner part of herself try to contain a veritable sea of white. She grinned as she felt her middle bloat slightly as her little stallion that could outperformed most stallions' monthly load without even trying. She sat back and sighed, ready to relax or continue depending on what he decided. Then she realized that she didn't feel him moving- which was worrying- hopefully he hadn't blown his load for one final time. Posey had heard old mares' tales of stallions keeling over after a good fuck.

She hoped he wasn't dead. The fact was that he was the first stallion that didn't outright think she was nuts and entered her house- most had been nowhere near her place when she fucked them- cold efficiency had made her rut in the woods or the back of a cart instead. The massive cock was a benefit too, but she'd rather just eat pizza and maybe bone for fun, which wasn't like her at all. She was the mare who put out on the first date because she wanted to try to keep them. She wasn't a sentimental mare and here she was worried that she fucked him to death.

Her eye twitched. Causing a race war was one thing, involuntary ponyslaughter was another. She'd be super screwed- Hitch would probably throw like seven different books of law for killing his deputy. She imagined the questions as to how Sprout died on her living room floor, how she seduced and murdered him with her marish wiles. It was a nightmare. "Okay, okay, just have to check one moment. Nothing major. Totally didn't kill him." She squirmed and pulled herself off of him for a moment, feeling the emptiness inside her as unfulfilling now. It wasn't every day she found a stallion that could outperform her collection of sex toys. She turned around to face him and as she looked down at her catatonic coltfriend he opened his eyes.

Sprout looked up at Posey and smiled. "Foreplay's over. Now we can get to the really fun bit." Sprout's eyes glowed green with magic as he stared up at his prize, carefully checking out parts of her that he hadn't dared until now and all he could see was her natural beauty, from her blushing and confused face, her toned middle, her untrimmed bush that was a mass of pink in a sea of yellow fur, all the way down to her hard as marble legs. Each part of her was perfect and he had to show how much he appreciated her.

He carefully slid out from under her, keeping her directly in his sights as he did so, and rose to his hooves. He stretched his muscles and grinned. He felt fantastic, like he was on a runner's high as he felt magic course through his veins. His dick pulsed with need, hard as steel as he stretched out a hoof to Posey. He knew exactly what he wanted and no voice in his head that sounded eerily like his mother would deter him from fucking the everloving shit out of the mare in front of him.

He put his hooves on either side of the yellow mare and lifted her up in a bridal carry, his magic filled muscles working overtime as earth pony strength he didn't know he had let him stare at his prize mare directly in the face for the first time in a long time without any fear of her decking him.

At least he hoped not.

The sexual situation probably defused that involuntary response from her. He kissed her wildly, unsure of the correct way, imagining what would Hitch do in this moment and faking it. This was his first kiss and while he had no technique, he made up for it with his fervor. He mashed his snout to hers, feeling her reciprocate as their tongues darted between their lips as the let the moment wash over them.

The pair of them pulled back from their kiss, breathless and flushed. Neither spoke a word for what felt like ages until Posey broke the silence, her face wet with tears as she hugged Sprout tightly. "I thought I killed you. Thank the earth and all that."

Sprout cocked his head. "What? I fainted. That's all. I mean it's the first time I came in six months. And somepony teased my balls a bit too much." He rolled his eyes and nuzzled his snout into her neck, smelling her rose scent that he now couldn't get enough of. It was so her, the flower mare that had treated him nice once. He smiled into her shoulder, realizing that for all the cold hard exterior, Posey still had enough of a heart to be worried about him.

Posey hugged his neck tightly. She felt tears wet her coat as she tried to relax again. "Okay, okay, that just tells me that you can't do that ever again. I mean what would I do if you keeled over because you came too much. No matter how hot that sounds, I'd rather have you."

Sprout drew his muzzle back. "So, this means. . ."

Posey rolled her eyes. Sprout was an oblivious idiot. Her idiot, but still really dumb sometimes. "Yeah, I guess we're dating. I mean we skipped like most of the boring parts anyway."

Sprout grinned. He was going to like this.

He carried her up the nearby stairs and walked firmly into her bedroom.

***

Sprout groaned as he looked at the clock on Posey's nightstand. 6 in the morning. He sat up in shock as he realized his mom would be livid for not telling her exactly where he was, who he was with, and why he hadn't called her. The room was heavy with the stench of sex, that faint chemical smell that hung around the pair like a cloud of desire. He shifted his weight, feeling his body wake up from the. . .hours. . .of passionate hard sex that he could only remember snippets of. The heft of her breasts as he ran his member over them, the pair of tits squeezing tightly together as she attempted to suck him off and give him a titjob at the same time and watching her fail at getting more than the crown of his cock in after a lot of effort. The image of her middle slightly bloated as he released load after load into her, the excess cum leaking out every time he pulled out of her. He winced in pain as his dick felt bruised and sore after that sexual display.

He wondered if Posey had used her own magic in the heat of the moment. He cautiously wiggled his hooves, making sure that his pelvis wasn't pulverized into dust. While that would be hot, but horribly painful, he didn't want to explain to Hitch how he had to go to the hospital.

He felt wonderful though, the afterglow of nearly a half day of passionate lovemaking had finally worked out a definite problem he had with his stupidly oversized member. Sprout smiled as he looked up at the ceiling, thinking that he could get used to this. Posey had seemed into it and the memories of her calling him every name in the book she could as he showed off from 'master' to 'emperor' to just 'Sprout'. Her loving cries as he finally fully consummated their relationship, her throaty moans hopefully muffled by the bedding that they had been writhing around in.

Hopefully because he didn't want to deal with a noise complaint whenever they rutted like animals.

Posey poked her head out of the covers, her makeup smeared and dried in streaks on her face, her mane limp and smelling of faint sweat and cum she blearily rolled over and cuddled into Sprout's chest her hooves gripping him tightly. "That was amazing. Though I think we have to do this a lot more often. I don't think I can handle another lay like that. My bed sure can't. Fuck, I'm going to have to pay out the ass just to get my bed cleaned."

Sprout sighed. "So, guess the whole dating thing is out then?"

Posey lifted her head and dragged herself over to him, her legs still numb from Sprout's sexual proficiency. "No you absolute dumbass, I did not say that. Didn't say that at all. What I meant is you can't keep all this virile stallion spunk of yours backed up. . ." Posey slipped a hoof under the covers and slid it over his sheath for a brief moment before resting it firmly on his balls, letting her hoof lightly squeeze them ever so lovingly as she leaned her body up to stare into Sprout's emerald green eyes. "Cause fuck, whatever hang-up your mom gave you about getting your rocks off was stupid. What'd she want to do? Kill your dates once you finally let it all go? Completely idiotic. No, I just have to screw you silly like three times a week at least just so you don't pop, Sprout." Posey smiled briefly as she traced a hoof around her stallion's plush middle. She wouldn't have to worry about mares taking him at least. He wasn't Hitch 'look at my fucking abs' Trailblazer. He was better. At least she was pretty sure Sprout had the bigger cock.

Sprout's pulse quickened as he glanced at the bedroom door, expecting his mother to come rushing in and seeing the pair in this state. It fucking terrified him. "She's going to fucking murder me once this comes out." Sprout felt the color drain from his face as he imagined his mom angrily looking at him, judging him. He rarely saw her mad and so when he did, he usually barricaded himself in his room, ready to eat either a stupid amount of pizza in worry or eat liters of ice cream as he waited to be grounded for eternity. "That or she kicks me out and disowns me."

Posey rolled her eyes. "We'll come to that bridge sooner or later. Plus, you do have a job and I have a house. Even if you do get your playcolt money taken away, you wouldn't be homeless."

Sprout blinked. "This is moving fast. I mean we just had sex."

"I didn't say move in now and get married, you dolt, just that if mommy dearest kicks you to the curb, you can move in. We can try the fuckbuddy route first. . .though I think you might pass there." Posey squeezed Sprout's balls more forcefully. "And if you moved in, well, it's my house, my rules."

Sprout nodded, getting the hint and sighing internally. A part of him found the hard yellow mare still as hot as the sun, so she could say pretty much whatever and he'd do it. Though he would do anything for food or money, to a point. He sighed and imagined that sex now counted too. He felt slightly ashamed of that thought- his mother would be disappointed.

He pushed that niggling thought aside. He had gotten laid. And a marefriend. Maybe not everything his mom said was the complete honest truth. At least some of the Canterlogic propaganda was mostly wrong- magic wasn't so bad.

"Sprout, can you be a good stallion and get me some breakfast? I'd get up and do it myself, but I can't feel my legs."

Sprout nodded, pulling the blankets aside and letting the cool air run over him. "We still have the pizza, though I don't think we put it in the fridge."

Posey rolled over and blew a strand of her mane out of her face. "Sounds perfect. And doesn't matter, just put that shit in the microwave. It'd probably fix the problem. And just put the pizza you don't heat up into the fridge, doofus. I mean I did that once or twice and I'm not fucking dead."

Sprout was in love.

Author's Note

I don't know what I was smoking when I came up with this mess. I guess I thought Sprout and Posey were cute together.

Plan on a few more chapters of this cause this was fun to write.

The Art of Self Destruction, Part One

Sprout shivered as he passed through Maretime Bay's town center. The town square still looked ragged and torn as he passed by the remains of the fountain that the rampaging bot had ruined. . .nearly a month and a half ago. The rest of the town didn't look much better. Some of the windows that had been shattered by the shockwaves that had shook the town to its foundations were replaced- though they were the exceptions to the rule. Most windows were just covered in cardboard and duct tape to keep out the wind and rain to a point.

It felt eerie since even at her worst, his mother wouldn't have accepted the town to look so horrid but with the silence that permeated the streets and the glimpse of a few Canterlogic branded security guards that patrolled on a street corner or two, things had changed.

He passed by a large mural that had graffiti plastered all over it. He couldn't read all the anger spilled out upon the bricks, but the small sample of it made him rather worried about how things had gone when he and Posey were away. He knew that pushing his mother like that would destabilize the town- he wasn't an idiot- and yet seeing the scrawled hoofwriting condemning Canterlogic's actions and existence made it real.

Fuck Canterlogic. Earth ponies lie. If we don't do something, they'll kill us all. Each glimpse of anger he could read through the scrawling text made him steel his resolve for what had to be done. He pulled up his poncho and slunk away as the rainclouds gathered.

"And that's all, Hitch." Sprout crossed his hooves as he tried to vent the feelings that he had kept bottled in the week since he and Posey had come back from Zephyr Heights. He waited for the orange stallion to say anything but he didn't. "Have you been listening to a word I've said?"

Hitch nodded. "Yeah, just a lot to take in. Bit conflicted on the whole you and Posey are married thing." He waved a hoof as he tried to rephrase that as Sprout gave him a look. "I mean good for both of you. Especially since I figured you would get hitched. . .bad choice of phrase. . .married, its just that I work tangentially for Canterlogic. Your mother pays my salary and sometimes, not always, asks me for any news with you. So do I lie and say that there's nothing major or tell the truth and worry about Canterlogic responses? It's a moral quandary." The slightly worried sheriff tapped his hooves together in thought. "Plus they can send one of the new squads out and ask personally. It sucks."

Sprout shrugged and picked up his half finished piece of pizza, pointing it at Hitch to punctuate his words. "So lie. It's not that bad. Plus I think half the town is bugged anyway so at some point she'll find out. Not like there's much Mother can do. We put the marriage documents in Zephyr Heights, gave a copy to Alphabittle so Bridlewood knows, and we have one at our place. Plus there's probably some pegasi news outlet that has mention of the wedding or actual video proof of it. Keeping a thing like me getting married out of a tabloid or a more reputable news source would be impossible." Sprout shrugged. "Now what about the new police? I would have sworn that you were the head honcho in the Bay?"

Hitch sighed. "I was. Then things swiftly got out of hoof your mom got on that interview and the video of the robot leaked onto ClipTrot. There was a. . .riot. Ponies nearly died and all I did was sit there and watch it."

***

"Hitch, you get the fuck out here, now." Windy looked through the glass of the Sheriff's Office and grumbled as she touched her megaphone, clicking the button on and readying the crowd of ponies behind her- unicorns, pegasi. . .even a smattering of earth ponies in the mob that was forming from the low hum of anger that the town held within it. "I'm going to march right up to Canterlogic and tell them a piece of my mind. Our minds. You know how hard it is to find a fucking job in this town if you aren't an earth pony? It's not easy I tell you what."

Hitch popped his head from under his desk. He had been furiously messaging the others on what to do. Sunny was an alicorn, Zipp and Pipp could disarm the anger in the crowd for pegasi. Izzy could do. . .something. They had mentioned they would be there as fast as they could since each of them were dealing with their own issues with that video. "Windy, as a member of Maritime Bay and as a technical employee of Canterlogic, I suggest you send a strongly worded email or a form letter or anything else than what you're thinking of doing."

Windy rolled her eyes. "Okay, I'll just write a letter of friendship to a pony who owns this town. You don't think this is wrong? Canterlogic owns all of us in some fucked up control, they own the soup kitchen, they have all their hooves in the job market, the stores all sell Canterlogic branded products barring the aisle of unicorn and pegasi branded stuff. I could keep going, this is wrong and you are just telling me to do nothing but just sit down and take it. I did that in Zephyr Heights. I'm not doing that here." Windy took to the air and headed off to Canterlogic with a sea of ponies following her.

Hitch gingerly opened the door and breathed a sigh of relief.

He sat down and looked up at the cloudy sky and wondered what he could do. He was one pony and it wasn't like he actually had much say in what Canterlogic's policies were. That was up to the Board of Drectors, Mrs. Cloverleaf, and her staff. He was just the face of the long hoof of the law and he was good at his job when it wasn't an absolute catastrophe.

He would have sat there thinking about what to do but Canterlogic chose what came next as the screams of ponies hit his ears, the sound of guns firing over and over and he soon found himself in a trance as he headed towards the carnage at a gallop, his hooves skidding over cobblestones, nearly causing him to stumble and fall in his worry.

He was almost glad that Canterlogic was so close to his work. But even the few minutes that it took to run there felt like hours as the seconds ticked away so slowly. He skidded to a stop, gravel kicking up in his wake and stared at the gates of Canterlogic, now so large and imposing that in his addled state they looked to scrape the sky.

"-this was mercy. . ." He heard an automated voice- he couldn't tell whose it was due to the filter Canterlogic's outer PA system gave the speaker. In all honesty, it could even be an automated system given a fake voice. Sprout had joked his mom set up that kind of measure in case ponies got cold hooves. "Be glad that the CEO didn't give the full order."

Hitch's ears began to work again as the shrieks and moans of the crowd, now dispersing in sputtering gasps held their hooves to bleeding wounds that didn't look lethal, at least to his trained eye. He was unsure on how to treat pegasi and unicorns since the Canterlogic branded medical charts and training told him that pegasi bled green blood and that unicorn blood was acidic. From what he could tell, both of those claims, like so many others, were a lie.

"Since this was against the wishes of Canterlogic, we have to warn you that anypony coming in for treatment for these kinds of workplace accidents- they won't get to use their insherurance. The lawyers tell me that any harm done in anti-business activities are on you. Something about you had free will to choose to do what you did. We chose as well. To appease the horrible feelings that fake video caused, we give all of you a wonderful pizza party for free. Thank you and have a Canterlogical Day.

Hitch walked through the devastation as he tallied the wounded and helped those he could. He could faintly hear the jingle of Cantlogic nearby as the speakers just drowned out the bloody masses.

***

Posey sighed as she walked around her flower shop. She had asked a few of her acquaintances- she dare not call anypony her friend since the ones she knew before dating and marrying Sprout were tied so closely to Canterlogic, and the ones she knew after were Sunny and her friends who she didn't trust with a pet rock- to water her flowers and stock but looking at the drooping petals and the few dead plants, she doubted many ponies actually did.

She picked up a hoofwritten note near her begonias and sighed at the looping scrawl that read something like 'Izzy was here'. She put it down and rubbed her eyes with a hoof. Of course Izzy Moonbow and her ilk touched her stuff. She breathed out and sat down on her haunches. She felt the cold floor on her stomach and groaned. She could easily have looked through the damages in nearly half an hour if she wasn't so tired from hefting around the foals- not that she minded since they meant something, but with this being her first time as an expectant mother- and being only halfway through her pregnancy and already looking a bit more advanced than the average mare, she was having a rough time.

And the month long break from work- while needed- made her normal day seem way more work than before. "I should have checked how many of you I'm having while in Zephyr Heights. Though maybe they would have had their own issues reading the tests and stuff. Pegasi and earth pony pregnancies have to be different? Right?" She sad that to nopony in particular, just letting the sound of her own voice comfort her. It was better than seeing the furtive glances she had seen from so many ponies.

Something had happened when they were gone and she was too nervous to broach the subject.

A knock at her shop door drew her attention and she clumsily stood up on her hooves and walked over to the door and opened it. A quiet, earth pony stood there, unsure of what to do. Posey racked her brain for the name of the green mare and finally got the name after searching. "Jazz? What are you doing here?" It was a good question, since the mare worked for Mane Melody and, looking at the time, she probably should be at work.

Jazz tapped her hooves together. "I have a problem. A relationship problem. And with how you helped Pipp with her own issues, even if I do not approve of some of the methods or the switch to more adult programming for her podcasts and the like since I have to edit and film and plan most of Pipp's day or else she gets all flighty or weird about things. . .you know how to break down walls surrounding a relationship."

Posey groaned. "What nonsense do you have for me today?"

Jazz tapped her hooves together. "I want to let Rocky know how I feel and I keep getting right up to telling him but then I either chicken out or fall over myself because he's so attractive."

Posey raised an eyebrow. "I thought he was gay. He isn't?"

Jazz looked offended for a moment before covering it up with a fake smile. "No. He's not. Though I guess I can see why you'd think he was- his line of work, his impeccable grooming, his colorful wings, his huge-"

Posey held up a hoof. "I don't need to hear anything about his dick."

Jazz cocked her head. "I was going to say his huge heart, not. . .that." Jazz groaned. "Can you be serious for once in your miserable life or not." The earth pony blinked as she realized what she said in anger. "Sorry, sorry, that just slipped out."

Posey smiled. "While I would normally be incredibly pissed about somepony saying that to me, I don't mind. I mean it shows you have some kind of emotion outside of being Pipp's assistant. There's something I can work with instead of just hitting my head against a wall figuring out how to get you and this Rocky to get together. Plus I'm trying to be better- if it was months ago, I'd kick you out. Tell me about this little stallion."

Jazz rolled her eyes. "He's not little. He works out three times a week, he loves to sing, he's a teensy bit flamboyant, he loves manes about as much as I love hooves-" Jazz blushed. "I mean both of us don't like that in a. . .fetish. . .way." Jazz whisptered that as she looked around her demeanor looking like she was going to have Pipp jump out with a camera. "Anyway, he also likes playing guitar. Rocky Riff is just the absolute best stallion I know."

Posey shrugged. "I'll show you a thing I got from Zephyr Heights later- bit of a joke souvenir I got. Though I'm not going to use it since Sprout just blows dick records out of the water. Okay, so music. Dinner and a show. Maybe a movie. Okay what about what you can do what you enjoy or feel comfortable with doing. I doubt you want to do some exhibitionist sex to show how much you like your stallion."

Jazz blinked. "Oh earth no. I'm not a prude but that just seems awful. And too forward."

Posey shrugged. "Worked for Sprout and me. Went from pizza to boning in like no time flat. Turned out we had a lot in common- well we both enjoyed how we fit together and it went from there. Helped that his dick was so massive that I was his first. It made it romantic and special."

Jazz coughed. "I bet. Uhm, I can play the banjo. And I like singing. I mean honestly I'd have to since I work at Mane Melody and Pipp has an hourly sing along karaoke session like every single day. I mean I tried to tell her that was a bit excessive and cut into the general profits of the store- even though she's so stupidly rich that she runs that business as more a hobby than anything else- but she just said it was for the vibes." Jazz rubbed her face as she tried to get back on topic. "What does that even mean? Plus, she can just relax and goof off while I have to balance the books and make sure she goes to engagements, appointments, song releases. . .podcast appearances. I run Pipp's life besides her trips to save the world from random evil bullshit with Sunny and her friends. Fuck." Jazz breathed out. "Where was I? Oh right, I want to get Rocky to notice me. Like go on a date, maybe more, notice me. Cause I'm not getting a vacation anytime soon."

Posey grinned. This was going to be fun. "I have a few ideas. But you are going to have to trust me." What she wasn't telling Jazz was that while she was far less of a bitch than a few months ago, she could still have fun with this. "I think banjo serenade, maybe dress up to get him to notice you and boom you get the rocky road to getting laid."

***

Sprout knocked on Windy's door. He had ran through all the permutations of things he could say to her but nothing really worked- he knew he wasn't responsible for what Hitch had described to him- he wasn't even in the same town when the riot happened. He was getting married and it wasn't like he knew the changes in the air until he returned. And yet a small part of him felt responsible- he was a Cloverleaf, he planned on taking over the family business, if he had been here he could have done something, anything to stop the decision of firing on town residents. He breathed out and steeled himself. "Windy, its me. Sprout."

A shuffling came from the other side of the door and soon it opened and Windy peeked outside. The pink pegasus looked worse for wear though it was to be expected since he could see the gleam of a metallic wing flash by as she briefly turned. He had heard the news from Hitch and still it was a visceral image to be confronted with. Canterlogic was known to push boundaries in many different technological fields- but he could count on his hooves the number of times he saw a prosthetic limb of any kind. And usually it was a wooden leg due to his memory being filled with earth ponies until recently.

"You can stop staring, Sprout, and come in."

Sprout nodded and followed her inside, looking briefly at all the art that hung on the pegasus' walls. Most of the pictures were landscapes of Maretime Bay from bird's eye view and it was weird to see landmarks he recognized look so small. "I didn't know you could paint."

Windy popped her head out and shrugged. "I don't. I take the pictures that my marefriend uses for reference pics. She does the hard work of making them look presentable and all that. I mean she'd do all the work if she could but she doesn't have wings to fly with. Not everypony can be like Sunny Starscout, but Prim does alright." Sprout swore she looked proud in the dim light of the hallway.

Sprout held up a hoof for a moment. "Wait, are you dating Primrose? I thought she had a weird thing where she was stalking Hitch like every waking hour."

"Somepony hides in a box and tries to confess their attraction to Hitch in an odd way and poof, I'm a stalker?" Primrose walked out with a wry smile on her face, the grayish unicorn floating a cup of coffee in her magic as she glanced at Windy. "But I figured out that he wasn't interested in me then and the videos Pipp shot of them fucking like rabbits made me reconsider a lot of things about him. You know how many calendars I threw away with his face on them? Far too many to count when I could have just got on Pipp's Ponyfans to see everything in motion.."

"Prim still sees that as a bit of a sore spot."

The unicorn scoffed as she drank her coffee. "Swore off stallions that's for sure. Makes me reconsider all the times I was on shopping trips with Pipp, but whatever, I go to therapy about that now." She bowed. "Greetings, Sprout, I would bow to the next ruler of the Bay but as you can see I'd really not want to spill my coffee."

Sprout awkwardly nodded. "Thanks. I was just planning on checking up on how ponies are doing after. . .that. . .thing that I wasn't here for."

Windy rolled her eyes and held up a hoof. "Not your problem, Red. Anyways I got this wicked cool wing. I mean sure the amputation of my previous wing was a nightmare without anesthetic and actual hospital care since I couldn't walk into the company hospital with it just dangling away." Windy breathed out. "Okay, though, if you told me months ago that I would have this silver wing strapped to me, I'd have thought you were joking." She looked away for a moment to gather her thoughts. "Like I just learned how to fly thanks to Zipp and poof. . .I mean nopony has said I can't fly anymore. It's just I have to relearn it again with this thing and it feels so slow. Like there is a delay in everything. And I wake up sometimes short of breath and hear the screams over and over and I just sit in the darkness wishing I could wake up. But I'm awake and this is it. This is my life now."

Primrose put her coffee cup down and lightly brushed Windy's mane. "Hey, you're okay, Windy." She pressed the pegasus to her chest and turned to Sprout. "Sorry, but I think we might have to reschedule this talk you wanted with Windy. As you can see she's still shaken from the riot and all."

Sprout nodded. "Sure, sure. I can talk later. Didn't think this through all too well." He walked to the door before remembering what else he could get out of this. "Hey, Primrose, can you get me an in with Toots? I need to speak with him. About a lot of things."

Primrose rolled her eyes. "Yes, I do still work for the Art Department. Doesn't mean I can easily get Toots to call you since he's running more R&D stuff, but I know his work number- all Canterlogic personnel are listed in the directory phone book they give to everypony."

Sprout chuckled. "Yeah, well, they don't give me one and with how I've been acting the last few months, I'd probably not get one even if I asked."

Primrose brushed her pink mane and groaned. "Okay, okay, give me a bit so I can delicately handle Windy. Then I'll shoot you a text. Still got your phone number?"

Sprout nodded.

Primrose paced back and fort for a moment, rocking Windy ever so slightly with her magic. "Well don't tell him how you got his work number, do you hear me? I'm already on thin ice cause they suspect I'm with Windy. Add in that I'm a unicorn after this riot and I'm surprised they haven't kicked down my door yet."

"Promise."

Primrose smiled, her face changing from the exhausted and miffed unicorn he had met just now to the old Primrose- the soft spoken and quiet mare that had mostly escaped his attention because she was nearly a forgettable mare that blended right into the background. "Thanks." She leaned into Sprout's ear and whispered the next bit, her voice unchanging from the sickeningly sweet dulcet tone that he remembered. "Oh and Sprout? Hitch can suck a dick. Please tell him that." Primrose leaned back and smiled. "Oh and tell Posey hi for me. You two make a cute couple. Congrats on the marriage by the way."

"How did you-"

Primrose laughed. "Unlike most of Maretime Bay, I read the news from other towns. . ."

***

"Posey, I'm not singing this in public. Or private." Jazz grimaced as she read the lewd lyrics that graced the scrap of paper. This had to be a joke, she wasn't going to sing about how much she needed Rocky's privates. She wasn't in heat.

Posey shrugged. "Okay so that's a start. The wonders of figuring out where your boundaries are since I've spent like five minutes talking to you like ever."

Jazz cocked her head. "I've cut your mane before. You spend most of your time ranting about everypony in town. So I doubt that you've spent that-"

Posey waved a hoof. "Talking at someone versus talking with someone in an actual conversation is different. The first one I can just block out any responses, the second is a give and take. And before meeting Sprout and mellowing out a ton, I'd not let you near me. But the past is the past and we can move on."

Jazz rolled her eyes. "Like how you move on whenever somepony brings up Izzy?"

Posey's eye twitched for a moment before she breathed out and let it go. "Izzy is Izzy and let us leave it at that." Posey pointed at the hastily drawn plan. "okay so going by the work schedule and how Mane Melody ebbs and flows in customers and Pipp's dumb karaoke sing-a-long section that kills business, I can expect the place looking dead around lunchtime so we can barge right in and have you play your silly banjo and work your way into his heart."

Jazz tapped er hooves. "I dunno, its a big thing to sing in public. . .I mean I've done it and stuff but not in front of Rocky and then there's the whole 'would he think I'm weird' cause we have a great thing. We have lunch dates and we hang out and watch movies together and if I shatter the illusion about us just being really good friends who just so happen to have each others' house keys and sometimes have ice cream sleepovers watching the newest pegasi reality tv show then it would make work be all weird. That's what friends do."

Posey just facehoofed. "I gave Sprout my keys and we moved in together after we had sex and had a whole thing with his mom- not getting into that but it was a lot- and here you two are being functionally one step away from living together. The next thing you know you're going to say you two shower together."

Jazz blushed furiously, her cheeks turning crimson. "Oh no no no no. I've never even actually seen him naked."

Posey blinked. "We barely wear clothes, Jazz. How on earth do you not know how he looks naked. I was asking if you two shower together which is way more intimate than just walking outside and ogling a stallion's dick. Which going by your reaction, you don't shower together. And you've probably never glanced at a dick in your life."

"Because its incredibly rude." Jazz stomped a hoof. "I mean seriously not everypony can be so open with their desires like you and every time I try to speak in front of Rocky about my lovesick emotions tangling up my feelings for us as very good friends, I stumble over my words or my feet. So I don't know what to do. I mean I could live my life in regret. Maybe that could be better. . ."

Posey sighed. For once Pipp was easier to deal with. All Posey had to do was provide some pointers to that pink mare and she became an internet porn sensation. But Jazz was so much more difficult. She had a conscience and wasn't sheltered to an immense degree like the prissy princess. But she was stuck in her own head and needed a push to get the ball rolling.

"That's incredibly depressing and I'd rather do anything else than see you fester with some weird crush for fifty years." Posey sighed as she felt a twinge of actual pity towards the greenish mare. As she racked her brain for an answer, it hit her in the face. An easy way to have Jazz and Rock work through their sexual tension in private. "We could foalnap him instead and you could sing your serenade in private and then its a captive audience."

Jazz looked horrified. "That can't work at all. Like the logistics and the legality and the whole mess of carrying him."

Posey shrugged. "It's a plan and I'd rather do something than having our mental wheels spin. Because look at the time." Posey held up her hoof with her very imaginary watch. "We've been here hashing out plans for forever. And sometimes the dumbest plan works. And you shot down my joke idea of you singing a song with explicit pornographic lyrics about his cock and how much you want to stuff it. And you said you can barely talk to the stallion normally. Foalnapping isn't a normal situation- it probably makes your heart rate rise and all that stuff."

"Still that sounds incredibly illegal."

"I mean Pipp's mom foalnapped Hitch and pretty much held him at spearpoint like last month? Like she threatened him to marry Pipp or possibly die. And that worked out fine enough."

Jazz cocked her head. "What? But Pipp never- I mean Haven's a perfectly good. . .diplomatic immunity?" She sat down with her head in her hooves, utterly flabbergasted that nopony had actually told her much of anything of that incident. Pipp had glanced over that incredibly important fact so quickly that all Jazz had known was just 'surprise Queenly Visit" followed by 'giant robot attack as seen on ClipTrot.' There wasn't a hostage situation in any of that. "Holy fuck, Pipp can actually lie straight to my face." She giggled for a moment as she took in that world shattering information before trying to recenter her emotions in the maelstrom that was within her.

It worked for Pipp. It had to work for her. She was the one pulling sixty and seventy hour work weeks to plan out Pipp's entire life. Sometimes she had to say fuck you life and take the plunge. If she didn't do something she'd die alone as an old maid. Her mother would probably see her as a failure. It wasn't easy for a country mare to decide to become a manestylist and hooficurist- it wasn't done in the boonies. Maretime Bay was a big ole town and she needed to get going or else she'd rock up to a family reunioquin without a few foals in tow. She breathed out and coolly stared at the angry yellow pony in front of her. If Posey got knocked up then anypony could cause she was the town bitch that everypony hated.

"Okay, Posey, let's foalnap Rocky. Safely. I wouldn't live with myself if he got hurt."

***

Sprout pulled out his phone and stared at it for a moment as he tried to talk himself out of calling Toots because it just felt too soon to advance his plans- he had had a whole plan for this sketched out in his head but the moment he had walked into the Bay again and saw the aftermath of his mom's interview she couldn't talk her way out of. . .well he didn't know what to do. A part of his almost wanted to march right up into Canterlogic and finish it in a messy finality- quick, painful work burning out in a blaze of glory like it was a videogame but he realized quickly that he wasn't a superpony with powers, he was relatively normal all things considered.

What he could do is shake them to the core and destabilize them from within. He breathed out and dialed Toots' number that Primrose scrawled out on a faded piece of paper and waited for him to either pick up the unexpected call or wait for the dial tone to leave a message. Either worked to shake Toots' confidence since the gray stallion was mainly all talk even with his control of tech development.

"Sprout? How did you get this number?"

Sprout lied. "Still have a company phonebook and your number didn't change all that much."

Toots' voice wavered over the line. "Okay, well what do you want?"

"Need to talk. About a whole lot of things." Sprout remembered something as he gathered his thoughts. "I think I know who sent Posey a little message all those months ago. Sweets is above you in the Canterlogic pecking order and, sure, Mother would tell somepony to send a bit of a threat to somepony she didn't like. She'd tell Sweets. She's her right hoof mare in all things. But Sweets is not a pony who'd like dirtying her hooves all that much- she delegates everything. But you. . .you work like a cog in the machine. Somepony tells you exactly what they want and you deliver. Sure it might take you a while, but you do it. You try to please everypony."

"And?"

Sprout sighed. "Sweets put you up to delivering that message a few months back. The one that freaked both Posey and me out." He didn't know, but he could bet he was right.

Silence reigned over the line for long enough to tell Sprout that he had hit the mark. "And if that was true. . .what you just wanted to let me know you deduced something?" Toots coolly tried to pass through the dangerous waters of this conversation. Both ponies knew the line was being monitored- it was Canterlogic after all. "I'm going to hang up now unless you have something more to say."

Sprout rolled his eyes. It was a give and take talking to anyone in the company. "So a second robot? My prototype idea of a robot wasn't enough to let die on the creativity vine? Oh and the little riot I missed. Either we have a whole team of trained ponies I don't know about that live in the walls of Canterlogic like its a black site doubling as a secret barracks or somepony rigged the Welcoming AI with a whole Defensive Protocol Subroutine. . ." Sprout let that rhetorical question hang in the air- both stallions either could guess the answer or definitely knew it.

"So?"

"Let's meet and discuss some things. Just stallion to stallion."

More silence. "I'm going to have to report anything I discuss with you. It's company policy."

Sprout chuckled. "Don't mind. It's not like I have anything to really hide. And knowing Canterlogic, they already know where they stand. Let's do a neutral place. Not Posey's house cause that's a terrible idea. Could do the park. Not like there's all that many ponies out anyway." He watched company security patrol the sidewalk as he spoke. "It's a wonderful day. I suggest you touch grass sooner or later. You know how cooped up everypony gets in your section of work. Running calculations in your head."

"Fine. Be there in twenty."

Sprout hung up and felt bile creep up the back of his throat before his stomach settled down again. He had been incredibly nervous and could have botched the whole thing- and if that had happened he would have had to resort to just blurting out everything he planned to in this meeting and therefore leaving him with no gossip or ammunition to use to put Canterlogic on the hook.

Not everypony was Primrose- he doubted Canterlogic put such stock in tabloids or rumors.

***

"Are you going to wimp out now?" Posey glanced over to Jazz who was pacing around nervously.

Jazz shook her head. "No, its just the first technical crime I will do since like stealing pens from ponies when I was little. My whole family told me over and over how important each and every choice we have is and how bad choices are the worst ever. So I'm of two minds about this. . .that's all."

"Was Pipp of two minds when she decided to bed Hitch?" Posey didn't mention the fact that the prissy pink princess decidedly had been for a while, but at least she had been far less annoying about bedding a mate.

Jazz groaned and looked down at her newly painted- and dried- nail color. The reddish hued polka dot design was definitely different than the checkerboard pattern that she had worn only hours before. She wasn't a criminal, not at all, but she had enough knowledge of crimes- she adored true crime podcasts and thriller movies. Jazz had changed her recognizable features as much she could- her coat not included. Dyeing her coat to some gauche color would ruin her vibe and Pipp would never let her live it down.

She put on the black ski mask and tried to deepen her voice as much as she was able thanks to the mandatory voice lessons Pipp had dragged each and every Mane Melody employee for. Pipp had called it "employee bonding vibe check time." Jazz had, up until this point, called it a yearly annoyance. Jazz quietly nodded at Posey and pushed the door of Mane Melody open.

Rocky sat there like usual- attractively scrolling his phone since there wasn't any other customers and he usually had the store cleaned in such an immaculate way that Jazz could eat off the floor. Not that she ever tried, that would be weird, but she could in theory do it.

"Hey, Jazz, why do you and Posey look like you're robbing a bank?"

Jazz froze for a moment. Of course Rocky would see through the disguises. "I am not Jazz, this is. . .uh, a foalnapping to send a. . .message to Pipp."

Rocky rolled his eyes. "Nice put on voice, but I know it's you. First of all, your coat and cutie mark. I know that well. And secondly, you didn't really come into work today. You took one flustered look at me and hoofed it on out of here. I mean I know the shop isn't doing too well since the last potion made everything stink in here for like a whole week. Dunno about you, but Pipp's ideas are not always the best for business. Incredibly creative, yes. But I get why you're here."

Jazz and Posey shared a quick look before the green earth pony answered in her fake voice. "You do?"

Rocky smiled as he preened a golden feather from his wing. "Duh, a vacation. Or a day off. Either works." He thought for a moment. "Probably the second thing. I mean I don't see you with a pile of bits and a few tickets to paradise. Plus, it has to be all super duper short notice because you hate Posey so, so much. You just never shut up-"

Posey stared daggers into the back of Jazz's head. "Oh really?"

Jazz waved a hoof. "Shut up, Rocky, please shut up now. Please?"

"and that's before you said she had to be joking about Sprout. I mean he's attractive and all, but I know when a stallion is packing and he doesn't seem to. . ."

Posey picked up a nearby perfume bottle and chucked it at Rocky's head as hard as she could. The blabbering stallion didn't even see what hit him as it knocked him flat on his back and the two mares sat in silence waiting for him to stand back up. They waited and waited, but after about thirty seconds Jazz crept towards the desk and peered over. Rocky sat there prone and silent, his mouth hanging open in shock.

Jazz stared at Posey. "Posey, what the fuck."

"Didn't want him to slight my husband's honor as a stallion. I know Sprout is both a shower and a grower. Plus called it, your potential stallion is gay. I mean 'I know if a stallion is packing?' come the fuck on." Posey rolled her eyes and crossed her hooves in annoyance. "Should have never agreed to do this."

"Posey, its called being attracted to mares and stallions. It's incredibly common. Now help me earth damn it," Jazz ran around the desk and put a hoof to Rocky's neck- quickly getting past the fact that this was the first time she was truly touching Rocky- and checked for a pulse. "Okay, I can feel a pulse at least, but new rule. You don't get to throw shit at anypony. You understand?"

"Crystal. Who gets the legs if we have to carry him out? I'm guessing you, right?"

"Why would. . .don't you start talking about comparing sizes. Why in the world did you do that anyway?"

"Chalk it up to hormones."

***

Sprout sat nervously on a park bench, staring over the Bay that defined Progress Park and the town in general and sighed. He had checked his phone and waited for Toots. He knew the stallion would show- the grayish blue stallion was always on time when there was an appointment, if it was last minute or not.

"Hope I didn't take too long, it's a nightmare to reschedule meetings."

Sprout glanced next to him and was surprised to see Toots sitting there. "When did you. . ."

"Been here a bit. To the point, what do you want from me? Blackmail? News? Codes to get into Canterlogic so you can take care of business?" Toots straightened his bow tie. "It's not my first rodeo in dealing with things like this. Though I do have to apologize about the whole send a message bit. That was not my idea."

"We're taking down my mom. I'd like your help."

Toots laughed. "She's been leading the town for like twenty? Thirty years? It's going to be difficult. I should know. I built most of the technology we use. Sure, its from ideas from your mom. . .and you of course. But my team gets antsy when there's no progress. Unity is a bitch, that. Give a room full of weapon makers a peace and we start worrying. Budget cuts, layoffs, redevelopment into alternate revenue streams. The town doesn't need a giant murderbot what about an amusement park? A flight contraption? A new tool that makes life easier. Take your mom down and you hurt the business. Profits go down, ponies revolt."

"And you already had a bit of that."

Toots flinched. "Yeah, I told Sweets that the interview was a sham. But we had to get in front of the story somehow. Like everypony has phones now. It's hard to swerve the message."

Sprout ran a hoof through his mane. "So help me. Look out at the town and we have a problem. Two months ago, I could walk the streets and see ponies almost loitering- but having fun. I came back from Zephyr Heights and the town is silent and its like everypony has gone underground or quiet."

"We keep an eye on them. You and I both know the town is never truly quiet."

Sprout wrung his hooves in thought. "Yeah. I need your assurance that you won't vote against me when I run for office."

Toots chuckled as he stared at the younger stallion. "That's it. You could have just texted me or something. That's simple-" Toots shifted as he heard his phone buzz. "One moment, that's almost definitely work. Got to respond to this text. . ."

Sprout watched the stallion's eyes move for a moment before turning back to him. "What is it now?"

"So, uh, big news I guess. Bad news. News. You know the new company cops?"

Sprout rolled his eyes. "Yes, they aren't the most inconspicuous around town."

"They arrested Posey and a few others. Something about being 'suspicious'."

Sprout felt his insides drop as the news hit him.