“You know, as indulgent as it would be for me to keep you, there is a certain somepony I feel could genuinely use a fine man like you in her life,” Eris remarked.

“Oh?” he quipped, wriggling against her. “And who would that be?”

“Well she’s somepony who’s cunning, powerful, and quite the capable leader,” she explained, twisting her hand to embellish the statement.

With his interest growing increasingly piqued, he lifted his head. “Is she nice?”

“Goodness no!” she cackled, holding the man to herself. “She may be the biggest shrew to ever walk upon Equestria - that said, she’s not without a certain je ne sais quoi. To sweeten the deal, I’d even use a few of my connections to get you an apartment and land you a job at that bowling alley you’re so fond of!”

“Huh…” he grunted, curious about the proposition.

While he wasn’t about to play a game of fifty-questions, he felt reasonably certain that the Lady of Chaos wouldn’t try to hook him up with some murderous, megalomaniachal fiend. Eris had caused him a good bit of trouble, that much was certain, but she hadn’t actually done anything to hurt him - in fact, in hindsight, he’d actually had quite a few fun, raunchy moments on his escapades. Pecking the base of her neck, he smiled up at her.

“So I’ll get an apartment, a job, and get a blind date with someone? Sure, why not, sign me up,” he sighed.

Softly tittering to herself, she patted his head then withdrew her hand. “After we spend a bit more time together, I’m going to have to wipe the memory of this whole ordeal from that delightfully round head of yours. I’m sorry, but having a wayward human traipsing about, knowing he’s bedded myself and half the royals in the land, simply won’t do,” she resignedly admitted.

Digesting what she’d said, he kept silent. There was no denying she’d made a damn good point, especially since nobody else would have any knowledge of what had transpired, and he was finding it difficult to make a counterargument. For all intents and purposes, he was being offered a new life, a chance to wipe the slate clean, and all the opportunities which came with it. After mulling the idea over for a minute, he gave her a small nod and sealed his fate.

“Alrighty then,” she chirped, giving yet another snap. “Once you leave here, maybe after a few days of being my guest, you’ll be whisked back to Twilight’s castle as if nothing had happened at all. While this path you’ve chosen may not happen overnight, since I’m going to need to make a few arrangements, I’m sure you’ll get along just splendidly with your impending date…”

Author's Note

Psssst
In case you missed it, there's a link at the end.