A Stallion Named Crystal River

by Burningbloom78

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad, Original Character, Suicide / Self Harm, Fluttershy, Violence, Death
Length: 7944

A mature stallion decides to run away from everything as the truth he bears is too much to take, but he needs to face it, for his own sake. Alone, he perishes in his room. With aid, there's a way out, but he must take the first steps.

There once was a stallion who dreams of running away far from what he knows, from his very home. When he's awake, there is nothing but pain, the encroaching fear of loneliness, and less-than-helpful suggestions from within his psyche. When he's awake, he has to face the world around him, another nightmare.

The stallion is overwhelmed by this truth that he tries to dream it away by running...galloping to places unknown; anything to get away from this painful truth. But no matter how far his hooves take him, he is always back at the start.

He needs help, but not from professionals. He needs somepony to be there for him; an anchor; a friend. What he needs is a beacon of light to shine away the gnawing darkness. Even when guided, he will have to do most of the work.

This is his last chance to fight against the fearsome tide that threatens to sweep him away, and the one inside his psyche trying to drag him under the surging waves.

What will be witnessed is the beginning. The rest is an uncertain future.

Published 2023-07-17 20:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-07-17 20:20:00 UTC

Somepony to Talk to

Author's Note

Whew! This one took a while to get finished, but it is done. I think the story turned out fine. Enjoy.

Also, this story exists because I watched the movie A Monster Calls.

Somepony to Talk to

Last Stand

He runs and runs until it all becomes done, but when his eyes close, he is back at the beginning, and he is forced to repeat it all over again.

Anxious and daunted; what other color would the colt be but blue?

It was dark and cold; the sky was shrouded by dim gray clouds. Faint fragments of light seldom broke through, nothing more than faded beacons. The wind groaned and blew hard, the grass swayed against the tumultuous gale, and their tassels bent. The forest trees growled and moaned, their branches snapped and cracked as the leaves shook and fell towards the rumbling earth.

It's getting scary; he doesn't want to be alone. Where is he going? Why is he so unsure?

A stallion whipped and dived through the green, dodging and leaping over bushes and thickets, his breathing labored and ragged. Sweat trickled down his face as he tried to navigate through the dark forest. Eventually, he spots a dying glimmer of light; there was an exit. He dashes as fast as his pained legs could, his aching hooves trampling the earth with each heavy step.

His other gives him deluded assistance; only destructive solutions.

He jumps out of the forest and lands harshly on his sides, tumbling to a painful stop. With a low groan escaping his dry lips, the stallion struggles to push himself off the earth. He glanced at the eerie forest, fear full in his eyes, slowly regaining his staggering breath. He scanned around and saw nothing but darkness for miles. The roaring wind tears through his unkempt black mane and gray coat.

It's never-ending; the fear grows.

"I... I... I made it out," he uttered tiredly, coughing up something fierce. He took in large, short breaths of air as he continued to observe his surroundings. "Where am I now? Some kind of... plain?"

Where it begins to end.

As the stallion pondered, a bone-chilling howl rode the rough wind, jamming into his eardrums. All the blood in his body ran cold; a shudder ran across his back, and his body suddenly locked up out of fear. He fought for control, forcing his body to turn around so he could face the forest.

Something is coming... A horror.

The stallion squinted, able to discern an outline of a crooked, mangled figure lumbering out of the foreboding forest with an odd lurching gait as if it strived to remain upright. His body shook as a sudden ringing noise pierced his ears, causing him to turn away and hold his head in distress. The peal of ringing didn't relent and continued to grow as the shadowed horror stepped closer.

He can't run anymore. It's too overwhelming.

Tired, breathless, and unable to quell the incessant disturbance, the stallion yelled as loud as he could. Everything within the world stopped and began to crack and shatter like glass, before then shifting into nothingness.

This is where he wakes, but for how long can he keep this up?

The stallion shot open his eyes, springing forward with another yell, but this time he was somewhere else: his home. His staggered breathing filled the quiet room as he attempted to get it under control. He veered his sweat-drenched countenance toward a window and deduces that it was nearly noon. Once again, he woke up late.

"Again?" he sadly muttered to himself; his crestfallen voice shook. He tiredly wipes beads of sweat from his matted face. "How much longer can I run before it's too late?"

Pulling the covers off his sweat-drenched body, the stallion dropped his shaken hooves to the floor and steadied himself. He lumbers to his bedroom door and heads out down the dark hall, marching straight to his bathroom with a heavy slam. Forward, he casts his gaze toward a cracked mirror and began to scan over his face: his mane's a mess, his eyes bloodshot, dark rings under his eyes. Ever since the day it happened, he never got a good night's rest.

"For the love of Celestia..." He turns the water from the sink on and splashed his face five times before staring back at the mirror.

"Figures," his mirror image chuckled wryly at him, its deep, resounding voice echoing around the bathroom. The image was distorted and mocking with an ever-present sneer. "Crystal River, what are we going to do about you? Huh, coward?"

"Shut up," Crystal hissed under his depleted breath. "It's nothing..."

Crystal's mirror image grew a large, unsettling smile across its face. "It's always something, coward. What's there to run? You'll just end up soaking your bed with your disgusting sweat, screaming and hollering like a damn timberwolf. Geez, do you ever think about your neighbors in Ponyville? They must be fed up with your antics by now!"

Crystal glared at his image, but hardly with any anger. "I never heard any complaints."

The image chortled, its eyes beady and white. "They're just accumulating all your haunting nightmares on paper so the mayor would have to vacate you from your home. Come on, coward, running isn't going to solve anything; you're just prolonging the inevitable."

Crystal rubbed his face tiredly. "You never had an interest in helping me with my problem, truly. So why the sudden change of heart? Are you mocking me?"

"Nope," the image said simply. "Though it was quite entertaining to see the fear in your face every time you looked into the mirror, I am growing bored of this little charade you got going on. If you don't want to face your problem head-on and if running away in your dreams like a little sissy isn't making things better, I suggest an appropriate, logical, well-understood idea. In your attic, there's a box that contains some ro-"

"No," Crystal River vehemently told the vexing image. "You won't make me!"

The image of Crystal groaned in annoyance, stretching its face in boredom. "Then what will you do?" it asked him. From its horn, an old, dusty item appeared around its neck and tightened firmly around it. "You ain't got no one else, coward. You are alone. You might as well stop the pain. Come on... you almost had it last time; I was cheering you on!"

Crystal's head began to thump, sending a wave of pain and stress. He feebly swallowed his spit and rubbed his neck and felt multiple rugged marks under his fur. "That isn't the way, not anymore," he told the image, his voice quiet and knowing. He opened his medicine cabinet and fished out his pills. "This is what I need...to suppress my destructive tendencies. This is all I-"

"That stuff isn't working anymore, coward!" the image spat irritably, interrupting Crystal. "Look at it: it won't even help you with your headaches! If you plan on overdosing, I'll cheer, like before, to the heavens. Maybe you'll appreciate it this time, you ungrateful bastardization. Not even Luna will help you!"

Crystal squinted as he takes four of his pills and swallowed. "You don't know that for sure," he whispered, but his disparaging voice said otherwise. "She can't get every pony in Equestria in a single night, that's ridiculous. I'm sure she'll visit me soon...I know she will. I just have to stay asleep long enough."

The image rolled its eyes. "For the love... Can you seriously stop hoping? Do you think she'll waste her time on you? You've been like this for your whole life, what makes you think she'll suddenly appear in your sorry nightmares tonight or the next? Quit deluding yourself, coward."

Crystal was silent as if considering his image's words, but he quickly shook it off. "You don't know me..."

The image laughed. "A shadow I may be, but I'm as real as you make me. The only difference between me and you are that I am honest. You are a liar, stringing fragile truths and ignoring what's in front of you. I've been graciously giving you options since this started, but you could never pull through; you waste my good graces.

"One way or another, you'll do the deed because you know that this won't stop otherwise. So go on, keep running, get tired, and wake up in a panic. You'll crack eventually. Hay, I hope you die in your sleep, at least that's a peaceful way to go."

Crystal River tried very hard to keep tears from falling down his face. It was an arduous endeavor. "I'm going..."

The image scoffed. "You can't go anywhere, you aren't of sound mind, coward. You're lucky Fluttershy visits your sorry hide every day; she's the main reason you haven't starved to death yet, and I resent her for that. It's so vexing, but I know it's temporary."

"Miss Fluttershy is a saint," Crystal retorted. Just before his mirror image could berate him, Crystal heard the distant knocking coming from his front door.

The image clicked its tongue. "Tch... speak of the angel," it spat indignantly. "Your relationship with that mare won't last much longer. So go on, play pretend; back to reality."

"Why won't you just go away?!" Crystal hissed angrily. "How much longer will you torment me? I did what I had to do!"

The image squinted with spite. "It wasn't your problem," it growled through gritted teeth. "You could've averted your eyes and walked away, but no... no, you had to get all brave and act like a hero. You had to try and make things right, but where has that gotten you since then, huh?

"Sleepless nights, haunting nightmares, cold sweats, getting drugged up on medication that doesn't help you, therapy sessions that leave you unsatisfied and depressed by ponies who cannot help you. You never should have tried to be a good pony because all that's gotten you is pain. And try as you might, you'll never get the blood off your hooves."

Crystal's heart had accelerated since his mirror image began to berate him. The stallion lost control of his pill bottle, letting it fall to the floor as he coughed and hacked over his sink.

"Do you see?!" the image roared crossly. "Nothing is working anymore! You've been haunted, deprived of sleep for so long, you can't even go ONE NIGHT without screaming like a damned fool! I don't know why you refuse to end, but this is not a good excuse to keep on living! You should've left her to fend for herself!"

Crystal River gripped his sink and tried desperately to gain control over his breathing, but it worked with little success. "I... I-I couldn't leave her there; do you hear me? It was the right thing to do!"

"She never thanked you," the image pointed out with a disdainful grin. "She left the scene horrified and troubled. And what did you get? Trauma and first-class to the nearest mental hospital; perfect for foolish retards like yourself. Even if it was an accident, who would believe a distraught colt? As usual, we are at crossroads; I want the best for you while you want the worst for yourself. Can you stop being ungrateful and die already?" Crystal didn't speak. "Fine. Go play pretend."

Crystal River glared at the image, however, when he blinked, the mirror image reflected Crystal's disposition. Sighing, the stallion tries his hardest to look somewhat presentable and heads out of the bathroom to welcome Fluttershy into his home.

Fluttershy hummed to herself, carrying a few bags of food on her withers. Ever since the mare opened her sanctuary, she had garnered some tourists who were interested in seeing the animals with the help of her friends to get some extra bits on the side.

It's been a few years since then, and Fluttershy has become very well off, although she still keeps to her usual lifestyle. Ever since she became good friends with the town's most recent resident, Crystal River, a quiet stallion born and raised in the mining city of Trottingham in southeast Equestria, though his heritage is closely rooted in its neighbor, Stalliongrad, Fluttershy has been visiting him every day.

Being from a large city mostly comprised of stallions than most other places in Equestria, Crystal River was quite out of his element as he has never seen so many mares occupy a town like Ponyville. And how forward and bold they were. It also seemed that all the mares did the heavy lifting as much as the stallions did.

Crystal River moved to the town to get away from the roaring city, however, ever since his Pinkie Pie Party, which was four months ago, Crystal had hardly ever stepped a hoof out the front door of his house and no pony knew why.

A lot of ponies chalked it up being that the stallion is some warlock or monster that prowls the night when everypony is sleeping and sleeps during the day. Some thought he was planning something dastardly, and others thought the stallion was just an introvert or something.

As Fluttershy thought about those rumors, she shook her head. Even her friends, excluding Twilight, warned the mare to be careful around Crystal whenever she visited him. Even when the stallion came to his Pinkie Pie Party, he stayed for five minutes. The party went on for two hours. So, suffice it to say, Crystal River was an odd one.

Fluttershy knew nothing was true about what the rumors spoke of Crystal. He was just a pony that likes to keep to himself and desires a little bit of companionship from time to time, and Fluttershy, being the kind, lovable, benevolent soul that she is, was welcomed into Crystal's home as his only friend. The only pony that had the chance to speak with the stallion and look around his home; it felt like a blessing.

Suddenly, the front door opened, drawing Fluttershy from her musings as she gazes upon a stallion who had overslept and attempted to mask it with a cute smile. The mare giggled, telling the stallion that it was as clear as day he overslept, to which the stallion giggled right back, though he rubbed the back of his mane in slight embarrassment.

Fluttershy rolled her eyes and sighed, fixing up his mane gently. Crystal stood stock still; frozen as if time had stopped him indefinitely. Whenever Fluttershy, the most timid and shy pony around was around him, she got all touchy-touchy. Crystal thought it was her just being bold and assertive like all the mares were in Ponyville from what he experienced.

After a while, Fluttershy retreated from Crystal's face. No words were spoken. Crystal River graciously allows Fluttershy to enter his home. As usual, it was neat, and dark but well-lit by the several candles he lit around his home.

Instinctively, Fluttershy heads to Crystal's kitchen and began to store the food. "How have you been?" the mare asked.

Crystal River rubbed his face and groaned lowly to himself before answering. "I've been well, although I woke up late... again." He joined Fluttershy in the kitchen. "What'd you get this time?"

"Some fresh apples my friend Applejack gave me, some eggs, ingredients for salads, your favorite, and some milk," she listed off happily. "I know it's not as much as I usually get you, but I thought I was giving you too much since you do live alone."

Crystal's eyelids lowered slightly; he could feel the anchors of sleep again, but then he jolts himself awake before Fluttershy could notice. "That's quite alright, Miss Fluttershy," he whispered.

As usual, Fluttershy had to flick her ears in her friend's direction; Crystal was always a soft speaker, even more so than the mare herself, which had to be some achievement.

She giggled again. "Crys, I've known you since you came to Ponyville. You can call me Fluttershy, I won't be offended if you do."

Crystal River sighed and looked away from Fluttershy's figure. "Sorry," he muttered, "I was taught by some old co-workers to treat a mare with a ton of respect. It just rolls off the old tongue, yeah?"

"And I do appreciate it, Crys, you are very polite, but only call me Fluttershy from now on; we aren't strangers anymore."

Crystal silently nodded his head. "How're your friends?" he asked, changing the subject.

The pegasus finished loading Crystal's fridge and turned to meet his deep blue eyes. "Every creature is fine, thanks for asking, but I came here for you. Have you gotten any luck sleeping through the whole night?"

Fluttershy usually lightened Crystal River's mood, but when she wanted to talk about his problems sleeping, the stallion's attitude would sag just a little.

Crystal guided Fluttershy to his living room and sat beside her on his couch. "I woke up four times last night," he admitted regretfully.

His yellow friend gasps in her hoof before setting one on Crystal's withers, causing him to jerk away slightly. "What happened?"

Crystal looked away and rubbed the back of his mane again, searching for an excuse. "I, uh... well, since I used to manage the mining operations in Trottingham, it's been quite stressful for me to have a full night's sleep. We would have a few problems that required me to pull all-nighters. Those nights were incredibly stressful and, I think, made me age a few years."

Fluttershy scooched close to Crystal and leaned against him, draping her wing over his back. Crystal River didn't seem to reject her physical touch this time. Crystal never had physical comfort from a mare before Fluttershy started showing up at his house every day; it was a new experience, and he kind of liked it. He still leaned or preferred the touch of another stallion, but this is something he would have to get used to.

"What about when you were a colt?" she asked.

Crystal River's eyes narrowed as if trying to remember, but his focused gaze softens, and he sighs. "When I was a colt, I did have an easier time sleeping through the night; I had much less to worry about, but even still... I would occasionally awaken." He paused for a while. "Hey, why don't I make some tea? That is your favorite to drink, right?"

Fluttershy nodded. "I'd love tea, but I think I should make it. You don't seem too... attentive at the moment, okay?"

"Yeah," Crystal muttered, "that'd be smart."

Fluttershy smiled at him. "It won't take long." The mare got up and left to enter the kitchen.

Crystal River watched as the mare prepared tea for both of them. Sighing, Crystal veers around his dull living room and spots a mirror above some of his furniture. Glowering, he stands and confronts the mirror, but nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary. He was about to return to the couch, but a voice caught his attention and he peered at the mirror to see his other smirking at him.

"Known her since day one, eh?" the reflection questioned. "What ya do? Pay her to be your friend?" Crystal did not answer. "I will admit that betty got a salacious figure. Have you seen that flank? Of course you have. And shy too? Other than her name, that mare has been nothing but bold. But you would never claim her as your own."

Crystal River snorted. "It's not like that and you know it."

The image chuckled. "She's your anchor right now, but what will happen if she decides to stop coming over? Eventually, being who you are will drive her away, and with your shot at happiness."

"I don't need a lover to be happy."

The image merely shook its head. "Deny it as much as you want, but you like her. She's a creature rare where you came from, so who are you to pass up on this opportunity? Are you gay or something?"

Crystal shook his head. "No," he whispered. "I don't see her as nothing but a friend."

The image rolled its eyes and scowled at Crystal. "Come on... you know you want to. How does she smell? Sweet? How was her touch? Warm and comforting? You want her badly, don't you? You can take her right now!"

Crystal's breathing had gotten faster. "Stop it..."

"How lonely are you? If you don't do something, she'll find somepony else. She'll forget about you. She'll abandon you. The betty will find happiness while you are hanging in the middle of your bedroom, rotting."

Crystal River began to sweat; his breathing was getting out of control; he started to hear an ever-increasing ringing in his ears as his other continued, and his vision blurred. "Please, stop..."

"I wonder who will show up to your funeral... Would you even have one? Aren't those for ponies who meant something to loved ones?

"Crystal."

"You don't have a family. You don't have friends. You don't have a loved one. You're just a lonely bastard who spent half of his damned life in a mental institute."

"Crystal?"

"Who would mourn you? How selfish do you have to be to want a funeral? How could you be so offensive?"

"Crys!"

Crystal's vision returned as he felt something tugging lightly on his fur. He turns his head to Fluttershy giving him an extremely worried face.

"Are you okay?" she asked with concern. "Sweet Celestia, your sweating... Are you getting sick?! Stay right here, I'll go get my-"

"Fluttershy," Crystal River said, causing the mare to stop in her place. "I'm not getting sick. I was... lost in thought."

Fluttershy narrowed her eyes and fixed Crystal with a fierce gaze. "Tell me what's wrong. Maybe I can help."

Crystal was afraid of this. "I-I don't know, Fluttershy..."

"Please, just give me something. Every time I ask, you deflect with excuses. You've been like this ever since you began living here, Crys."

Crystal had avoided direct eye contact with his only friend, unsure of complying with her concerns. The stallion was quite troubled, but how much does he have to tell the worried pegasus? How much is she willing to listen to? Crystal doesn't want to lose Fluttershy; she's the only pony that gives him a good enough reason to get out of bed.

As he contemplates, Crystal turns to the mirror, however, Fluttershy stops him and forces the unicorn to look directly at her. As much as he wanted to avert his face from such a beautiful visage, Fluttershy's captivating eyes ensured Crystal River couldn't look away.

"Please..."

There it was. That faker was right. Crystal is pushing Fluttershy away, making her worried and unhappy. He has to give the mare something to alleviate her worries about him, but the stallion knew she might distance herself from him if he told her... but he won't be able to stand the sight of those glistening beautiful eyes crying.

With a long and heavy sigh, Crystal River guides Fluttershy, once again, to his couch and sits her down. He stares at her and tells the mare there is something she should see that will give her a very clear picture of him.

He exits the living room and heads up to the bedroom and trots up to a desk with a handle. He pulls it, revealing a small cabinet containing a file from the Trottingham Mental Health Institute. He attempts to take it within his hoof; however, he hesitates and stares at the file with a weary expression. Unfortunately, as the sunlight beams into his room, his shadow appears on the wall next to him. Crystal turns to see a black emanation of himself with piercing white eyes.

Crystal, his hoof still hovering over the file, glares at his shadow. "Come to demean me again?" he wondered with a tired tone. "What is it now...?"

A bright, daunting white smile was etched across the shadow's face. "Do you think it'll work?" Crystal River's shadow said. "You might be ending your friendship with this decision."

Crystal's ire softens as he turns back to the file. "Maybe, but she deserves to know. Since I came here, Fluttershy has been with me. Her kindness, her smile... should be rewarded. She has to know."

"Go on then," the shadow uttered. "Tell her and see what happens. I'll be here when you get back. I'll always be here."

"You might be right," Crystal whispered.

With those words said, Crystal turned away and headed out his bedroom door. He makes it downstairs where he sees Fluttershy admiring his house and the stuff he brought from Trottingham. There was this sense of foreboding and dread creeping at the back of his skull. He was starting to feel anxious and stressed, and he began to head back upstairs, put the file away, and head back downstairs with something else and attempt to spindle a lie, but it was too late.

Fluttershy had locked eyes with him, and Crystal River suddenly couldn't pull away. He couldn't lie now. He had to go over and speak with her about his past. He kept thinking about how she'll take it, and he was afraid it'll be taken the worst way. Then he saw her smile and pat the cushion next to her with a wing. A warmth gradually filled his heart. With a deep breath, he trots over to Fluttershy and sits down next to her, lifting the file with his magic for her to take.

Fluttershy was perplexed. "What is this?"

"A file from the Trottingham Mental Health Institute," Crystal answered. "There's a reason I can never get through a night without waking up. There was an accident. It occurred around midnight when I was a colt. You can skim through most of it; I'll tell you while you're reading."

Fluttershy looked hesitant. "Is it okay? Honestly?"

Crystal nodded. "You are the only pony I got left in this world, and I want you to know about me. I'll start talking."

As Fluttershy opened the document to read through Crystal River's file, the stallion began to tell her about the accident.

The night of the Accident

The moon rises slowly over the mining city of Trottingham, casting its blue luminescence across the near-barren streets. It was cold, and the winds were chilly and unforgiving, causing even the most bundled-up pony to shiver.

The unkempt, gray-colored coat and dirt-ridden black mane of a young colt trek the city's alleyways, snuffling around a dumpster searching for food, his nose pressed against the soggy ground. He was lucky: a few metal cans still had some food inside them, albeit very little, but food was food; you took what you could get without complaint.

Though the bitter winds whisked through his coat and made his eyes water, the colt hardly shuddered; he was too hardened for the cold to affect him entirely. He took the cans of food and slunk further down the alleyway where a stained, mangled, torn cardboard box waited; it was his home.

It was a poor sight, but the colt had no other means of shelter. The young colt lumbered into the box, careful to not trip and spill his already rotting food. He settled as comfortably as he could get and used his yellow-stained teeth to gnaw on the dripping food that slid like sludge from one of the cans; he tapped the bottom to make sure to get every stinking bit. The taste, as usual, was unpleasant, and the way the sloppy food slithered down his small throat made him gag and shudder with disgust, but he kept eating.

Eventually, the young colt stops, setting aside his dinner and gazing up at the obnubilated sky; clouds of darkness were as still as trees, covering the land in a cruel shadowy shade. Sounds of the wind howled fiercest in the narrow alleyway, impossible for the colt to relish in quietness. He would attempt to sleep, but the cold season garnered many sleepless nights.

Sighing with his dull blue eyes staring at the ground, the young colt heaved himself to his hooves and reluctantly exited his dilapidated home. He shook his matted gray coat and mane harshly; he felt slimy and wet, and during winter was a sure-fire path toward death. The colt had wrestled with the idea of letting the cold take him so he wouldn't have to suffer like this, but he didn't have the courage.

Depressed by these niggling thoughts gnawing the back of his skull, the colt decided to go for a walk; it would warm him up at least. He exits the alleyway to view the streets of the mining city, barren and lifeless. No pony worked nights around the cold season, especially since winter hit Trottingham pretty hard this year. Though one good thing came out of this: the young colt wouldn't be stared at like a lost animal.

He took to the sidewalk, trotting slowly until he could see the abandoned warehouse he used to live in before he was chased out by an angry old stallion. The building looked a little different: wires, ropes, boxes, and other stuff were littered amongst the warehouse; the building must be under some type of renovation.

The young colt continued forward until he stood in front of the warehouse. He gazed for a good while until he heard voices coming from his right. Confused and scared, the young colt snapped his head toward the direction and saw two ponies: a stallion and a mare, walking beside one another. The stallion was drunk, wobbling on his legs and spouting words the colt didn't understand while the mare looked worried and uncomfortable.

Thinking fast, the colt hid behind a box as the pair drew closer. When the two ponies finally reached the warehouse, the stallion, a devious smile on his face, had suggested something in the mare's ear that caused her to shake her head. The young colt saw that the stallion frowned; he didn't like the answer the mare gave.

The colt held in a gasp as the stallion took the mare's right foreleg with his and dragged her into the warehouse. The mare was telling him to let go and that he was hurting her, but the stallion had ignored the mare's plaintive pleas. She cried for help, but since it was so late, no pony heeded her wail. The only other pony awake was the colt.

He watched with apprehension as the two ponies disappeared inside the building. The colt knew they shouldn't be in there now, the building was under some type of reconstruction; if a wrong move was made in there, something could fall on them, or they could trip and seriously hurt themselves with all the dangerous equipment lying amongst the building.

The colt knew it was none of his business to interfere with others; he was just some filthy hobo living off of rotting food in some alleyway. He knew he shouldn't do anything; he was small, tired, and underfed. It was best to leave the two ponies to their activities, but as the colt attempted to trot away, he could hear the mare shout and struggle against the stallion, hollering for help.

The young colt closed his eyes and sighed. He couldn't leave the mare in the clutches of that drunkard; it was clear she wasn't willing to do something with the stallion, and the young colt didn't understand what it was, and he didn't care. All he knew was that by the muffled sounds coming from the abandoned warehouse, the mare was in trouble.

Gathering his courage, the young colt stepped lightly and cautiously inside the warehouse. It was dark, outlines of machinery lay motionless on the hard floor, and the sounds of struggle filled the colt's ears. He was afraid, but he couldn't turn back now; he needed to help that mare.

After some trudging around in the dark, the young colt saw two shadowy outlines moving around one another. It was the stallion and the mare. By the sounds, the mare was hurt, and she was crying, while the stallion cursed at her angrily.

Taking in a deep breath, the colt shouts, "Get away from her!"

Stiffening from the sudden outburst, the stallion turned to the colt, though he could not see the young tyke clearly. He snorted with contempt at being interrupted.

"A colt like you shouldn't be here," the stallion snarled, but then he smelled the air and nearly retched. "You're some homeless, disease-ridden bastard, eh? That reek says it all. I'll give you a chance to crawl back into whatever shithole you dug yourself out of and leave me and my bitch alone. Stay and you will have nothing but yourself to blame."

Though the colt didn't understand some of the words spewing from the drunkard's mouth, he knew it was threats. He already made his choice to stay and help the mare out, and he wasn't going to abandon her now.

"I'm not going anywhere until you leave her alone," the young colt spat. "Go away!"

The stallion chuckled. "You got some balls on you for sure, you little brat, but since you didn't take my offer to piss off, I'm going to have to teach you a lesson!" The stallion edged slowly toward the colt. "Whatever happens will be on your hooves."

A fight had ensued with the stallion beating the life out of the colt. The stallion was tall and strong, while the colt was small and weak. He could hear the mare cry out for the stallion to stop, but the stallion turned his attention to the mare and told her to be quiet or the same thing would happen to her.

Though beaten, bruised, bloodied, and barely conscious, the young colt was determined to stop this pony. He was lucky; the mare distracted the stallion enough for him to struggle to his hooves and prepare for a leap. He sprang, latching onto the stallion and biting him hard on the neck. The stallion howled with pain, losing his balance and falling over some of the equipment scattered around the warehouse. The impact made the colt release his grip, rolling off the stallion and being tangled in some rope dangling from the second floor. He flailed as much as he could, trying to free himself, but to no avail.

He heard something move above him when he struggled. He did it again and heard the sound of something heavy. An idea came: What if the colt struggled enough that whatever was up there came falling? Judging by the noise, the object seems to be right in front of him. If he could get it just right when the stallion was in front of him, the object will drop on his head and knock the stallion out cold. It was a long shot, and he was battered and exhausted, but he just had to do this one thing and all will be over.

"Have...have to try," he grunted.

"You damn brat!" the stallion cursed, stomping menacingly toward the colt. "I was going to let you off with a few bruises, but now I think I outta do the world a favor!"

"Come on, fall already..." the colt murmured, moving his aching limbs. He was fortunate that the stallion wasn't paying attention to his plan. "Come on..."

Just as the stallion raised his front hooves, a sudden noise above made him freeze. Before he could even scream, a large shadowy object plummeted atop of him, his body crashing to the floor with such force it shook the ground.

The colt's face and mouth were suddenly sprayed with something warm and metallic, but it didn't taste like metal at all. It was like water, but it was thicker, and the taste was more than familiar to the colt. Then the colt froze in horror; what he tasted was blood. Before he could figure out what just transpired, he heard the mare scream in terror; she must have known what happened.

He heard her scrambling out of the warehouse, leaving the door open which let the moonlight in, and giving the colt a scarring sight: the body of the stallion was smashed under the weight of a large wooden box, blood pooling under the mangled corpse. The colt gazed wordlessly in horror, then he looked at his hooves and saw them caked with blood.

The young colt gagged, his chest heaving with terror and disgust as he struggled to stand. He felt so exhausted; his vision went blurry, and he felt sick to his stomach. This wasn't supposed to happen, he didn't know the stallion would die. He only wanted to knock him out, but there the stallion's body lay, motionless; dead. He had killed a pony.

He tried to remain upright, but the colt found he hadn't the strength; he fell to the blood-stained floor, his body trembling until he fell still; unconscious.

"After that, I was found the next morning and taken to the hospital until it was decided that I was to be escorted to the Trottingham Mental Health Institute, where I stayed for half of my life," Crystal River explained sorrowfully. "During my time confined there, nothing truly worked; all the sessions, the medicine...was only a temporary solution."

Crystal River waited a moment for Fluttershy to speak, but all she did was place a wing over his back as a way to comfort him, and he appreciated it.

"Ever since that day, I've been plagued by thoughts...suicidal thoughts, from a shadow that looks like me. He tells me to kill myself every day, giving me options, goading me, cheering for me, desperately wanting me to commit suicide." He parted some of the fur on his neck and he heard his friend gasp in shock. "There were times I listened, but only to stop; I didn't want to die, but it was hard...

"I've tried, Fluttershy, I really did. I had a job, but being in Trottingham was so...draining. I needed to leave to somewhere nice and quiet where I could try and battle these destructive inner thoughts, but it hardly did a thing.

"I have this nightmare where I'm running away from something. It's dark, cold, and windy. I'm sweating. My body is aching and tired, on the verge of collapse. When I find myself in a large open space in this nightmare, I take a breather to calm my nerves, but then I hear this howl...this monstrous howl filling my ears, freezing me to the ground, forcing me to turn around.

"I then would see this...outline of a pony lumbering after me, howling like a timberwolf. It was mangled and unsteady on its hooves, its head crooked. It was like a phantom or ghost. But before it could get any closer, I would somehow force myself awake, saving myself from confronting that thing. Fluttershy, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry."

Crystal River dared to sneak a glance at his beautiful friend and saw that she gazed at him with not fear or scorn but with love and sadness.

"Why are you apologizing?" she asked him.

Crystal was confused. Didn't Fluttershy think he was some crazy pony? "Now that you know, I thought you...might have...you know, uh..."

"Leave you?" She murmured, her eyes glistening. "Why would I leave you, Crys?"

Crystal was battling to keep tears from flowing down his face. "Because I'm a freak, a murderer," he croaked. "Aren't you disgusted to know what I had done?"

Fluttershy sighed, shaking her head. "It was an accident that pony died; you were trying to help somepony and defended yourself. I'm sad that a life was lost, but I'm not angry or disgusted with what you did. How could I? You were a colt doing his best; you planned to knock him out. You don't have to torment yourself like this."

"Every day for most of my life I've been trying to run away from what I had done, but no matter what I do, nothing works," Crystal River lamented. "I'm losing faith, Fluttershy... I don't know what to do anymore."

Crystal glanced at his friend and saw the pegasus look ahead, her eyes fixed on something he couldn't hope to see.

"You're still here," she pointed out softly, her hooves touching his. "You've been fighting for years, and Ponyville is your last stand. Well, I won't give you up, Crys. You say I'm the only pony you have left in this world, so since that's the case, I want you to live. For me."

"Fluttershy..."

"Listen," she stressed, her tone serious. "What you need more than anything is a friend for you to lean on. Medication is fine and good, but it's the support of those you love and those who love you that will stand by you and help you, to guide you through this painful time. That's the true healing.

"You've been alone with nothing but your thoughts ever since you were a colt; you were robbed of a family and friends, but not anymore. I want to be your friend, Crys. But not just me, but with my other friends too, then you'll have a family."

Crystal River couldn't speak, merely gazing at Fluttershy's beautiful visage. She truly was a saint, a paragon of unending kindness, love, and support. He never wanted to sweep this wonderful mare with his problems, but somehow, she found a way in without even trying. How lucky he was to bask in such benevolence.

"How could you...be so loving and kind to me?" Crystal sobbed, tears streaming down his cheeks. He found himself held gingerly in Fluttershy's warm embrace; he buried his face against her chest as he wept. "I was so troubled that you would...that you would leave. I value your company; you are the sole reason I could even get out of bed. What have I done to deserve you like this? How could I ever repay you?"

"What I ask will be very little," she murmured in his ears. "You live. You fight. Don't let some mean shadow tell you differently, because it's just words. It can't love you, be happy for you, be sad for you. That shadow wants nothing more than to take you from me, and I won't let that happen. Neither should you, Crys."

She was right. Crystal River has been swamped with guilt and regret that he manifested a version of himself to punish and demean him everywhere he turned. Though he wanted it to go away, he clung to it because it was the only thing he had. But not anymore. He has Fluttershy, and potentially her friends.

The shadow had cast darkness over him for far too long, and Crystal needed to step into the bright light. But the process is long and arduous, and he may sink deeper into the depths. Despite the mounting fear that threatened to swallow him whole, he has to take the plunge if he is to survive. He will still have nightmares, but with a beacon of light guiding him through the harsh toils, it may be worth it.

"Crys, it's time to go."

Crystal River was drawn from his thoughts, breaking the embrace and sitting upright. Confused, he watched Fluttershy gently ease herself off his couch. She slowly made her way to his front door, opening it, but only to stop and gaze at him, her eyes shining.

"Are you coming?" she asked, her gentle voice sweet and soothing. "It's time for you to meet your new friends."

Crystal River's heart lifted and then plummeted. "N-now?" he stammered, shaking.

Fluttershy nodded, beckoning the stallion with a wing. He trotted beside her, uncertainty in his anxious gaze. "I'll be by your side, coats brushing," she promised. "Are we ready?"

Crystal River took in a deep breath and exhaled. "Give me a moment," he pleaded. He turned away and picked up the file Fluttershy had placed on his table after he had finished telling her about the accident. "I won't be long; I just need to put this away."

Hurrying upstairs with a little more pep in his steps, Crystal found himself in his bedroom beside his bed. He opened the drawer to put the file back inside. When Crystal turned to leave his bedroom, the shadow on the wall halted him.

"Going somewhere?" the shadow asked in a mocking tone. Crystal glared at it. "One pep talk from that betty and all of a sudden you believe there's a future for you. Nonsense!" it spat. "You already know what waits for you and it's right here!"

"Like I said before," Crystal muttered, "you don't know me. I still got some fight left and I'm not ready to give up. So, say what you want!"

The shadow chortled darkly. "What's it matter?" it questioned. "You'll end up hanging anyway, so why even fight? It's set in stone, coward!"

Crystal River snorted indignantly. "You don't know my future," he retorted hotly.

"But I know your past," it shot back. "All avenues point to your self-destruction."

"I told you that isn't the way anymore, and I'm sick of you trying to make me submit, so guess what?" Crystal snarled. "I will resist you. I might still be haunted by nightmares about that night, but with Fluttershy by my side, I'll pull through. I know I will!"

"Talk as much as you like, but I've seen your struggle, and I know you'll fail in the end," the shadow hissed. "You always have. This is only temporary, like everything else in your damned life. This won't make a difference."

"I will strive to see that it does," Crystal said. "You aren't real; you come from my mind, and once I am strong enough to push past this tide you want me to drown in, you'll cease to exist!"

"I know you better than any pony else!" the shadow spat harshly. "The future is set in stone, coward. You can't change it!"

"The future is uncertain, demon," Crystal retorted, turning his back on his dark tormentor. "But I will strive to make sure the future you want will never come to pass. Keep spouting threats, I am set on this path!"

"Don't you turn your back on me! I'm all you truly have!"

Crystal River shook his head. "I have Fluttershy," he murmured.

"I'll be here!" the shadow roared. "I'll always be here!"

"All bets are off," Crystal River countered. "I only hope to pave a future where I'm not at your mercy."

Crystal River left his bedroom, ignoring the anger and vitriolic hatred spewing from his shadow. He makes it downstairs to see Fluttershy waiting for him in the doorway that led outside. He hasn't been outside since his Pinkie Pie Party, and the steps that led him closer to the outside filled him with dread and uncertainty about his unclear future.

Though he was scared, the sweet visage of Fluttershy extending her hoof filled him with a determination to tread the murky unknown, and he placed his hoof on hers. For the first time in months, Crystal River steps outside and was bathed in the sun's warming light.

"Are we ready?" Fluttershy asked.

Crystal River nodded. "Yes."

From here on, the future is unknown, but Crystal River, with Fluttershy by his side, will brave such uncertainty in stride. The journey of true healing begins, and the stallion hoped the road wasn't paved with too many crossroads.