Twilight Texts 4 Major Enemies

by Eventide100

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, King Sombra, Queen Chrysalis, Random, Twilight Sparkle, Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Nightmare Moon
Length: 1437

After getting her brand new phone, Twilight texts four of her archenemies.

Guess what? Phones are now a thing in the pony world, and Twilight Sparkle just got herself a new one. The princess is often talking to her friends online, but today... She tries something new.

Published 2022-05-29 21:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-05-29 21:10:01 UTC

Part 2: Text with Discord

Hello? Are you here?

Yes, yes. It's Discord, what is it?

Very funny.

What? I'm just doing it the proper style. Unlike one outdated princess.

Outdated!? I'm not outdated!

According to the news, your coronation happened a millennia ago.

Millennia? Discord, I'm still 23.

So you're saying that in the alicorn age, your still a toddler.

I'm not a toddler!

I said when going by alicorn years. Compared to Princess Sunbutt, you'd still be a baby or toddler.

Her name is not Sunbutt! It's Celestia!

I like Sunbutt better.

That's ridiculous. Where did the name even come from?

Simple. It's because she has suns on her butt.

Well, it's not our fault that our cutie marks come like that.

Yes, that would be exactly why I want to call you Starbutt.

No your not!

Why? It's a lot more fun than Twilight.

Well I like Twilight.

Then your boring.

I don't care. You're calling me Twilight, that is final. Okay?

Hmph, fine! Be like that!

Don't be a snob, Discord.

Me a snob? You are a snob!

No, you are!

You are!

Ugh, you know what, your just going to be stubborn so I'll leave it at that!

Hmmm, maybe you should be called The Princess of Annoyance.

Shut up!!

Make me!

Urgh! If only you wouldn't blabber a stupid complaint every other minute.

But your a bratty, no-fun, mouthy wench!

Shut up!!! Or else I'll magic your snout shut!

Attitude-inducing brat! I'm not even saying anything. I'm jabbing words on this tiny screen.

Attitude-inducing!? Well then. If I'm attitude-inducing, then you're a shameless idiot!

You nitwit!

I AM NOT A NITWIT!!! AT LEAST I'M NOT THE ONE THAT'S ALWAYS COMPLAINING!!!

Quite screaming like a psychopath!

I. Am. Not. Psycho!

Yes you are. You go Twilighting every other day.

DON'T YOU DARE USE THAT WORD AGAIN!!!

What? It's the best verb to describe what you do.

What do I do?

Well first, you worry and panic. Second, you make a ridiculous amount of checklists that you check over and over again. Third, your mane gets all frazzled and you look like you got drunk and had a crazy night of sex with your boyfriend!

YOU DISGUSTING FOOL!!! I DON'T DRINK AND DEFINITELY DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!

No wonder your still a child. Grow up for once.

I'm honestly going to rainbow-canon you if you say that again.

Let's see you try.

I mean it!

Then come right now you coward!

FINE, I'LL COME!!! I WILL BE IN PEACE ONCE YOUR GONE!!!

I shouldn't have said that. I get why nopony would want to have sex with you. You don't have the guts to keep your own spine straight.

My spine is plenty straight! It's just your brain that needs the right cells because the ones you have work poorly!

You don't even have a brain!

Your stupid!

Your psycho!

Brainless!

Foolish!

Idiot!

Cowardly!

Lunatic!

Let me come and turn your castle into a dumpster.

NO, YOU WOULDN'T!!!

Hmph, what power do you have to stop me? I am Discord, The Lord of Chaos. What are you? Celestia's dog.

DDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And you're being a psychopath again.

You know what! I think I'm done chatting with you! I've already wasted more than enough time arguing with you, so I'm leaving!

Fine! Begone!

Part 4: Text with King Sombra

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

Part 1: Text with Nightmare Moon

Author's Note

Twilight Sparkle is purple.

Nightmare Moon is blue. Just so you have an idea and don't get confused.

Part 1: Text with Nightmare Moon

Um... Hi there.

Hello. And who must you be?

It's me... Twilight Sparkle.

Oh. Right. Now I wonder why my enemy happens to text me on this... New, strange device.

Well, I just wanted to try something new. For a change.

Hmmm, and speaking with your enemy happens to be the perfect option?

Come on, I'm just curious. Can't we take a break sometimes?

Take a break from what?

From acting like we totally hate each other.

We don't act, Twilight. We do.

Right, so can't we stop for at least a few minutes?

I'm not so certain.

Please. I mean, I'm already so worried about things, so taking some stress of my brain for a few minutes, at the very least, would be really kind.

...Well... Alright. But only a few minutes, okay?

Fine.

So... What would you like to talk about?

I like the night.

You what?

I said I like the night.

You do?

Yeah. I love to study the stars and look at them too. The stars alongside the moon are beautiful.

I don't know what to say.

Believe me, I love it. It's the time when I feel the calmest. When the atmosphere is quiet and peaceful. It lets me take a break from the daytime stress and the feeling of being overwhelmed.

It does. It does indeed.

Believe me, Nightmare Moon. The night is gorgeous and wonderful. It's mysteries are scarring you, but that would only be because it's dark. Not many ponies are around because they're all asleep. It's a shame that not many ponies love it. But I know I do.

You do. I can tell that your words sound truthful. T-thank... You.

No problem. I was just giving you my opinion. Does it comfort you? Even the slightest?

... Yes... It does. A bit. It warms me that you value my night.

Anyways, how are you doing?

Pretty good for now. How... About you?

I'm doing good, thank you.

Is there anything else you'd like to discuss?

Not really. I just wanted to have a chat with you, that's all. I'm just glad that I made you feel a bit good.

Thank you... Again. I guess it's goodbye then?

It looks like it. Bye, Nightmare Moon.

Farewell, Twilight Sparkle.

Part 3: Text with Chrysalis

Ugh, finally I'm done with him. Anyways, hello? Anypony here?

Who are you?

I'm Twilight Sparkle.

Oh... You!

Yup! It's me, your enemy...

What do you need!?

I want to have a relaxing chat, if you mind? I want to forget the last chat.

Why? You were speaking with somepony else?

I was.

And... Who would it be?

Discord...

Oh, him. Was he bothering you?

Don't get me started.

Something tells me that it didn't go so well.

No, it didn't. What else do you expect from that idiot?

Hmmm, amusing. I would have liked to see it.

NO, YOU DON'T!!

Geez, relax.

Can we talk about something else?

Fine, I know what else we can talk about.

What?

Various ways I can destroy you for all your trouble.

Right...

You're trouble, Twilight Sparkle. I bet every villain hates you.

I know. I don't mind by this point. I'm used to it.

Imagine facing an apocalypse where all villains join together with an alliance. You'd come to us and we would be standing above. You would stare.

I have my friends.

No... you must face us alone.

Why me?

Because... You are our main target. Once your gone, The Guardians of Harmony will lose their leader, Equestria will lose it's princess. It's hero.

I don't know.

It must be hard. I'm surprised you live happily, although you know that you have many enemies who want your head.

Even I have no idea.

Several times, I can tell, you were close to death. Weren't you?

I was. But sometimes, when the pain is too much, I want to die.

You have to be joking!

I'm not. And when I say pain, I don't mean getting physically hurt. I mean failing my land, my subjects, my family and friends. Everything I was supposed to protect. I'd be devastated if they ever got hurt. It would be all my fault. It was my responsibility.

What if you need to take a risk, a sacrifice. Would you take it?

If it means keeping other ponies safe, I will.

So you just don't care about yourself?

No.

What if your in unbearable pain and your close to death. Would you still give yourself up?

I... will.

Will?

Yes. It breaks me more when I see somepony I care about hurt. Even if I'm close to death, if my bone breaks, if I'm bleeding so much that my hooves are just red, I'll still give myself up.

You sound pretty determined, but I'm not sure if I can believe it.

I will! What did I tell you? I don't care about myself.

Well then... I suppose your friendships and family are you weakness.

...

That's the perfect way to weigh you down.

I... don't want to talk anymore.

Why? Are you that traumatized?

Bye...