Everyone's had a day like this, right?
The moment Rainbow Dash woke up, she knew something was off. Being the awesome pony she was, though, she stayed calm and began to investigate.
She recognized her bed, so she was still in her cloud house, so she hadn't been foal-napped.
She could feel the warmth of the morning sun, so Nightmare Moon probably hadn't come back.
She didn't have a horn on her head, so she hadn't somehow turned into an Alicorn last night. Darn, maybe tomorrow.
And she didn't hear any screaming outside, so the zompony apocalypse hadn't started. Yet.
Rainbow Dash let out a frustrated grunt. She was running out of ideas. At this rate, she might actually have to open her eyes and get out of bed to figure out what was going on. Desperate times called for desperate measures, and all that.
Maybe if she waited long enough, Twilight would figure out what was wrong and come tell her what to do. Yeah, that sounded like a good plan. Back to sleep-
BOOM!
Uh oh. Was that thunder? She hoped it wasn't thunder, that meant she might have to be the one to deal with it. Let it be some experiment of Twilight's gone wrong-
Crack-BOOM! Crack-BOOM!
Okay, it was thunder. But still, it was her day off, and surely the other weather ponies could handle it-
Crack-BOOM! Crack-BOOM! Crack-BOOM!
Okay, jeez, fine, it wasn't like she was going to sleep anyway with that racket going on. Getting up, she looked around, blinking in surprise. Had Rarity stayed the night or something? What was all this make-up stuff doing in her room? Why were there dresses hung up on her door and tables and-
Crack-BOOM! Crack-BOOM!
Fine, she'd deal with this later! It was probably some prank by Pinkie Pie anyway. Shaking her head, she jumped out her window. Instantly, she could see the problem. On the edge of Ponyville, over the Everfree forest, there was a massive dark cloud approaching, whirling like a top and spewing lightning in every direction. It was already nearing Sweet Apple Acres, and from the way the apple trees shook it wouldn't be long before they were uprooted and dragged in. She could see some pegasus flying around it, seeming unsure of what to do.
She didn't blame them, this was an exceptionally rare, dangerous, and hard to control cloud formation, one that could only be beaten with skill, effort, and unbelievable bravery-
"-And that's how it's done, rookies!" She called out about five seconds later, as the last of the cloud was torn apart, leaving only a few lingering sparks. She reveled in the shocked looks of the other weather ponies for a moment. Huh, there were some ponies missing, and a few new ones she hadn't seen before. However, remembering where she was, she looked down to survey the damage to the apple trees.
Actually, nevermind, it was the Apple family she really cared about, buck the trees. Wait, no, that was their job.
Spotting Applejack, Rainbow Dash dived, ignoring the whispering of the weather ponies. Weird, she was expecting some cheering. Something was off. But her friends came first, and so she ignored that feeling in favor of landing near the barn where Applejack was, looking at her slack jawed.
"You trying to catch flies or something?" Rainbow teased. Huh. There was something slightly off, but she couldn't tell what it was.
"Rainbow!?" Applejack finally responded, still seemingly shocked.
"Yeah? That's me." Rainbow gave her a confused look, before glancing around. Her eyes widened as she really took in the surroundings. The farm had taken a beating. Branches full of apples had been torn off and tossed around. Her eyes widened as she spotted a tree branch had actually been tossed into the barn, stabbing straight through the wood. "Oh...uh..." Rainbow bit at her lip, shrinking away slightly. "Sorry, Applejack, I should have been here sooner."
"Sooner?" Applejack looked at her, surprised. "Dash, that storm showed up out of nowhere a minute ago. Ah already can' hardly believe how fast you showed up! And you handled it all on your lonesome, too..."
"No problem for a pony as awesome as me!" Rainbow grinned, even as her mind was partially occupied by trying to figure out why something felt off. Huh, was the way Applejack was looking at her a little...different?
"Of course, sugarcube." Applejack chuckled, before taking a deep breath. "Ah can't thank you enough for saving the farm, Rainbow, and...I'm real sorry."
"You're sorry?" Rainbow blinked, head tilting.
"I am." Applejack nodded seriously. She reached a hoof out, hesitating a moment before seeming to make up her mind as she put it on Dash's shoulder in a comforting way. "For all the things ah said this week. Seein' you like this, I finally understand...well, a lot of things, now. And it just makes me twice as grateful, that you still came out here like this anyway to help out! Thank you, Rainbow!"
And so, with some final gag and a letter to princess Celestia, the episode came to happy ending with everypony having learned a valuable lesson about...wait, no, that didn't happen, because Rainbow had no idea what was going on.
"Seeing me like...what? What are you talking about?" Rainbow Dash asked, looking at Applejack blankly.
"Uh, well, you know." Applejack gestured vaguely in her direction while looking uncomfortable, as if that answered anything.
"Can you just tell me?" Rainbow narrowed her eyes. Was she missing out on some kind of prank? A quick check on herself revealed nothing out of place. she looked at Applejack who still seemed like she was trying to keep her lips zipped. Growling, she pressed into Applejack's space. "Come on, just say it already!"
"Cornsarnit, Rainbow, I'm trying not to say you look like a tomcolt!" Applejack blurted out.
Everything came to a halt, as Rainbow's brain crashed and rebooted. Applejack seemed to brace herself for...something?
"Uh, AJ, I think you need to get your eyes checked." The last time Rainbow could remember somepony mistaking her gender was back before she had her cutie mark.
"Dash..." Applejack bit her lip, before seeming to force the next words out. "There's no use denying it. I know you must find it mighty embarrassing, what with all the make-up you must use to cover it up-"
Suddenly, something clicked in Rainbow's mind, and everything made sense. Finally, after all the confusion of this conversation, Rainbow Dash could finally see and understand everything. "Oh, I get it!" She exclaimed. "This is some prank, isn't it? That's why there was a bunch of weird make-up stuff at my place when I woke up! Is Pinkie in on this?"
"Rainbow..." Applejack mumbled, low and troubled.
"Huh, but what's the punchline?" Rainbow pressed on, talking more to herself. "That I look like a stallion? Uh..." Rainbow blinked, looking back at Applejack with a frown. That felt a little...mean, for a prank.
"Gosh darnit, Rainbow, ah..." Applejack swallowed, looking down. Were those...tears in her eyes? "Look, sugarcube, Ah owe you the world's biggest apology for makin' fun of how long you take with your make-up, and how you try to pretend you never wear any...I was mad because you were lyin', but I didn't realize..." Literally nothing she was saying made any sense, but she just sounded so genuinely regretful about it. This couldn't still be a prank, could it?
Suddenly, something clicked in Rainbow's mind, and everything made sense. Finally, after all the confusion of this conversation, Rainbow Dash could finally see and understand everything. "Oh, I get it!" She exclaimed. "You must have gotten hit in the head by a branch or something!"
"Ah didn't get hit-" Applejack froze as Rainbow flew up and reached out to grip Applejack's head. A blush formed on Applejack's face as Rainbow briefly took the hat off to check her for any bumps or bruises.
"Yeah, that's why you're saying all this nonsense, isn't it? Uh, I don't see anything wrong, but maybe you should still get checked out at the hospital? You might have a minor case of serious brain damage if you're mixing up me and Rarity," Rainbow said, concerned, as she put Applejack's hat back in its place.
"Ahm' tellin' you, I didn't get hit!" Applejack protested, pulling her head out of Rainbow's grip and looking away, flustered. "You're-you're the one who seems touched in the head!"
"You're the one calling me a tomcolt!" Rainbow shot back, circling around the farmpony to hover in front of her. "How do I even look like a tomcolt to you?"
"The wild hair? The...uh...straight eyelashes?" Applejack listed, looking away again, flushed.
"Really? That's weak." Rainbow Dash scoffed, closing in and expecting Applejack to do the same for one of their usual headbutts. But instead, Applejack backed away, falling on her bottom, seeming desperate to avoid looking at her.
"If...if that's weak, then why are you...so..." Applejack looked down, failing to hide her flushing cheeks. "-tempting?"
Suddenly, something clicked in Rainbow's mind, and everything made sense. Finally, after all the confusion of this conversation, Rainbow Dash could finally see and understand everything. "Isn't that just 'cause you're gay?"
Applejack sputtered, eye widening, hooves scraping the ground in an effort to push herself away. "No- I'm....I'm not! It's not gay, because you look stallion-like!"
"Because of my hair and some eyelashes? Really, AJ?" Rainbow gave her a thin stare, landing in front of her.
"There's other stuff too!" Applejack defended hotly, getting back to her hooves. "Like how short you are!"
"Short? We're literally the same...height..." Rainbow trailed off as suddenly Applejack stood face to face with her, and Rainbow Dash found herself needing to crane her head up to look Applejack in the eye. Because Applejack was almost half a head taller then her.
Oh. That's what had felt off the moment she started talking to Applejack.
"Who's the one who needs their eyes checked?" Applejack snorted.
"Wha...but we measured this with the others once, right? And we were all the same height..." Rainbow kept staring, eyes wide and pupils shrinking. Applejack, taller then her. How...?
"I don't remember that. Why would we all be the same height?" Applejack looked at her funny.
"Uh, I think Pinkie said something about it being easier on the animation budget...?" Rainbow frowned, trying to remember. It had only been a month ago. Had she stepped in some poison joke or something? Or was it-
"Wait, why were we talking about this again?" Applejack frowned, putting a hoof to her chin.
"Because you said it made me look like a stallion..." Rainbow trailed off as she realized something. "Wait a minute, how does me being short even make me stallion-like?" Shouldn't it be the opposite?
"Because stallions are usually shorter then mares?" Applejack answered, as if she was saying the sky was blue.
"Huh!?" Rainbow didn't even know where to start with that one. "Then how do you explain Big Mac!?"
"Big Mac? What's she got to do with this?" Applejack asked, looking lost again.
Rainbow Dash's mouth opened, paused, and then closed as she processed that. She?
Suddenly, something clicked in Rainbow's mind, and everything made sense. Finally, after all the confusion of this conversation, Rainbow Dash could finally see and understand everything. Well, actually, no. She still had no idea what was going on. But now at least she knew where to start. "Okay. It's time to go bother Twilight."
"I'm sorry, Rainbow, but I don't have a spell that will make us all the same height and turn Big Mac into a stallion and make Applejack stop thinking you look like a stallion. Especially not all at the same time." Twilight frowned at her friend.
"Yeah, I figured it wouldn't be that easy." Rainbow sighed. Darn, why wasn't anypony creating the spells to solve the real problems in this world?
"So, can I ask what brought this about...?" Twilight asked, putting a comforting hoof on Rainbow's back. Just another reminder Twilight was taller then her too.
"Everything!" Rainbow shouted, pacing around the library. It seemed like it was just the two of them, Applejack having stayed at the farm to help her family start fixing the damage of the storm (she'd almost forgotten that had happened), and Spike didn't seem to be around today. "I wake up today and everything is wrong! I mean, I come through your front door-"
"...Crashed through..." Twilight mumbled, frowning at the damaged door to the library.
"-and the first thing you said was 'are you Rainbow Dash's twin brother?'" Rainbow finished, her mockery of Twilight's voice perfectly terrible.
Twilight bit her lip. "Look, I'm sorry, but without your usual make-up-"
"Did somepony say Rainbow Dash has a twin brother!?" A voice called from the door. Both Twilight and Rainbow turned to see Pinkie, who was staring at Rainbow with wide eyes. Her mouth twitched into a too-wide smile. "Oh my gosh-"
"Wait, Pinkie!" Twilight shouted, instantly recognizing the danger of what was about to happen. "This is just Rainbow Dash! There is no brother!"
"Aw..." Pinkie deflated. For about a second, before she bounced back up. "Well! Well, well well! What's up with this, then!? I've never seen you like this, Dashie!" Pinkie sang out as she pranced over to take a closer look at Rainbow Dash, the way she might look at a particularly tasty cupcake. It really didn't help that Pinkie was taller then her. For some reason that sent a shiver down her spine. "Ooh, is this some kind of crossdressing roleplay!?"
"How can it be crossdressing if she's not wearing anything?" Twilight asked innocently. Rainbow buried her face in her hooves.
"Ooh, you're right! Cross nudity, then?" Pinkie exclaimed, nodding as fast as the physics engine would allow. "So what's the deal then? Did you lose a bet? Poison joke? Tax fraud?"
"Tax fraud?" Rainbow Dash asked, pulling her head out of her hooves. "What does that have to do with anything?"
"That's actually the most sensible suggestion so far." Twilight muttered. "Stallions don't pay any taxes."
"Oh, I didn't know that," Rainbow nodded, completely accepting the idea that apparently half the population just didn't pay taxes despite how absurd it would be for a nation to function like that. "But really, everything is just...wrong! Why is everypony taller then me all of a sudden!?"
"Aw, Dashie, didn't we just have an episode on that last week? Twilight wrote a letter to the Princess about it and everything!" Pinkie leaned up against Rainbow. "Awesome things come in small packages, right?"
"Uh, no? I don't remember that." Rainbow frowned, raising an eyebrow. That sounded like a lame lesson.
"Really? You don't remember stealing that artifact and turning into an Alicorn because you thought it would make you tall like the princesses?" Pinkie asked.
"What!? That sounds awesome!" Rainbow exclaimed, flying up into the air with excitement, before freezing. "Wait, just to get taller? Why would I even care about that?"
"Okay, I think I've heard enough." Twilight suddenly spoke up, a book enveloped in her magic snapping shut. "It's pretty obvious by now that you aren't the Rainbow Dash we know."
"She isn't!?" Pinkie exclaimed, looking at Rainbow Dash with wide eyes. "Then you must be a changeling!" With a sudden bounce, Pinkie tackled Rainbow out of the air, pinning her to the ground with surprising strength, and of course superior size. "Where are you keeping our friend, Changebow Dash? Answer me or- wait, nevermind, it's not even season two."
"Get off!" Rainbow protested, trying to twist out of Pinkie's grip, but she couldn't seem to find a way out from under her.
"Pinkie! I said it's not the Rainbow Dash we know, but...I think she's still Rainbow Dash." Twilight frowned, three more books flying off the shelves to orbit her. "Either somepony's somehow messed with her memories, or...she might be from a parallel universe."
Pinkie gasped. "Wait, so she's an alien!?" Pinkie looked down at her trapped captive. "An alien who looks like our friend but isn't our friend...so she's an impo-"
With newfound strength, Rainbow got a hoof free and plugged Pinkie's mouth, before giving Twilight a pleading look. "Look, can you fix this or not?"
"Maybe. I think we should gather the girls, first, though. Maybe you're not the only one?" Twilight suggested.
"Sure, whatever." Rainbow replied, before turning back to Pinkie. "Pinkie, let go already!"
"Never!" Pinkie cried out after getting her mouth clear of Rainbow's hoof. "You're an alien so you don't have human rights!"
"Wait, what's a human, and why is it right!?"
Thankfully, it didn't take long for everypony to show up, with Fluttershy making her way in last. Hard to miss, given she was the tallest pony yet, almost a head taller then Rainbow was. She approached Rainbow, seeming surprised at first, but it turned into a kind smile. "Hello, Rainbow...it's been a while since I've seen you...like this..."
Rainbow didn't respond, still staring up in shock at how tall her friend was. Usually Rainbow was the one looking down at her shy friend given how much she usually slouched, but now she felt like a little filly in front of her. Suddenly, the idea that she would care about being taller was making more sense.
"Okay, since we're all here, let's get started." Twilight called, and they piled in a rough circle around the library. "So as you may have noticed, Rainbow Dash here is a...little different."
"Mmm...yes, I wasn't going to bring it up..." Rarity gave Rainbow a subtle look out of the corner of her eyes. Rainbow wasn't sure what to think of her, especially since she had tried to pass her some sort of emergency make-up kit earlier. It was an extremely thoughtful and generous gesture that completely flew over Rainbow's head.
Twilight continued, "And by different, I mean she doesn't remember everything happening the way it did. She's never worn make-up, her hair was always like this, and she doesn't remember almost taking over the world last week."
"Wait, what!?" Rainbow cried out, but she was ignored.
"Our leading theory is she's from a parallel universe." Twilight concluded.
"Oh my..."
"Well, I never..."
"I knew it!" Wait, what? Oh, that was just Pinkie.
Twilight pressed on. "And there's a good chance the real Rainbow Dash-"
"Hey, I'm real!" Rainbow piped up, glaring.
"Sorry, I meant our Rainbow Dash." Twilight corrected, rolling her eyes.
"Wait, when did we become communists?" Pinkie asked.
"-There's a good chance our Rainbow Dash is in whatever universe this Rainbow came from." Twilight concluded. At the shocked and horrified looks around the room, she hastily continued. "Now, don't panic, I think I can fix this! I just want to make sure I'm not missing anything. First off, does anypony else have reason to believe you woke up in a different universe?" She asked, quill and paper at the ready.
There was silence, as the ponies seemed to look at each other, unsure how to answer. Finally, Rarity spoke up. "Darling...would I be right to assume a...parallel universe would be almost the same? How would we know if we had woken up in one?"
"Hm, that's true," Twilight said thoughtfully, putting a hoof to her chin. "Well, I guess the first obvious difference would be Rainbow Dash herself. So does everypony know her as...well..."
"Wanting to be seen as the girliest girl?" Applejack supplied.
"Wears a lot of make-up and pretends it's all natural?" Rarity added. "Though it is nice to have a spa partner..."
"And afraid to do things she thinks are for stallions only?" Pinkie finished, before pouting. "She always turns down my sweets if they don't look girly enough..."
"What the hay..." Rainbow muttered, looking between her friends. "This other-me sounds like the lamest pony ever!"
"She's not!" Fluttershy interjected loudly, before quieting down. "Um...she just...doesn't like to be seen as weak or soft..."
"By wearing make-up and going to the spa?" Rainbow asked derisively. "How does that not make her look sappy?"
Stares and silence all around. Rainbow Dash looked around for even a single pony that got what she was saying, but found none. They were all looking at her like she was the crazy one.
"Oh, I think I get it!" Twilight finally spoke up, jumping up in excitement. "Rainbow, what do you consider a very stallion-like activity?"
"Uh...carpentry?" Rainbow answered awkwardly, caught off guard and not really used to thinking of things as stallion-like. "Weightlifting...? Being a royal guard?" She could see her friends' expressions getting more confused with each attempt.
"I knew it!" Twilight sprung up. "Your world has different gender roles! You don't think stallions are weak and need protection! No wonder you don't mind looking like one!" She said in a rush, before flinching back when she saw Rainbow's heated glare.
"Really? Again?" Rainbow growled. "Have you girls just never seen a stallion or something?"
Her little quip garnered a surprising reaction, as suddenly the mood in the room dropped, in a 'everypony's remembering something painful' kind of way. Rainbow Dash looked around at the sad, faraway looks and didn't know what it meant.
"I...I'm sorry Rainbow, it's just...been a while since I've even been near a stallion..." Twilight admitted, shrinking back. "And you're...close enough?"
Rainbow facehoofed. Twilight had graduated from a hoof-in-mouth moment to...she didn't even know. An Ouroboros?
"So...in your world stallions can be royal guards?" Rarity questioned, subtly trying to save Twilight. "But how can that be? Aren't they too small? And wouldn't they be understaffed and incapable?"
"Huh? Well, I wouldn't say they're capable or anything..." Rainbow mused, remembering how they'd totally gotten swatted when facing Nightmare Moon. "But small? Understaffed?" She raised an eyebrow. "There's plenty of big strong guys to stand around and guard stuff, what are you talking about?"
"Stallions are...bigger in your world?" Rarity asked, a grin forming on her face. "Tell me more~"
Nope. Nope nope nope. She was done talking to Rarity. She looked to the side, where Pinkie was- Nope, not her either. Turning to her left, she saw Fluttershy, and quickly tried to come up with a subject. "So, uh...how small are stallions here?" No, wait, shoot! That was still the same subject, just reversed-
"Around your height." Fluttershy answered, before smiling. "Oh, I just love how small and precious they are. Like you! Oh, um, I mean..." The tall Pegasus blushed.
"Wait, Rainbow, you said there were plenty of big strong guys?" Twilight suddenly asked, looking curious. "I wonder...how many stallions are there, compared to mares?"
"Uh...just as many?" Rainbow answered, not catching on to what was happening.
The mood in the room did a roller-coaster. Or maybe just Pinkie, but either way everypony else was on their hooves, buzzing with excitement.
"Truly!?" Rarity exclaimed, delighted. "There's just stallions everywhere, waiting to be snatched up!?"
"I can't even imagine!" Pinkie bounced around the room. "I mean, well, I could imagine, but it's been so long that all I can picture is Dashie so I'm just imagining a world full of Dashie but that wouldn't be so bad either and-"
"Twilight!" Rainbow called out, looking at the librarian helplessly. "What's going on? Why is everypony freaking out?"
"Rainbow..." Twilight breathed, seeming almost half dazed. Her notes were scattered across the floor. "You have no idea how good you have it. In this world, only one stallion is born for every ten mares."
Suddenly, something clicked in Rainbow's mind, and- Okay, no, we're done with that gag. But really, her friend's reactions from earlier suddenly made an unfortunate amount of sense. They were clearly in pain, living in a world where most mares couldn't get a stallion to call their own. Would never find that kind of romantic love. What was one supposed to say to somepony that lived with something like that?
"Wow, this world sucks!" Rainbow declared. Very sensitive and compassionate. Yes.
Author's Note
Sometimes, I get a funny idea and feel like seeing if I can juice some comedy out of it. This idea ended up producing more...drama? Character exploration? Gender deconstruction...? Uh, I don't know, please don't take it too seriously. I also didn't expect this to take two chapters, but it really looks like it will.
Next up: Rainbow Dash meets herself.
Well that escalated quickly
"Wow, this world sucks!" Rainbow declared.
Rainbow's unbiased opinion about this entire world (which she was totally qualified to give) was met with a few winces. To Rainbow, that was just confirmation that she was right. Which also made it okay to say out loud.
Ten mares per stallion. Sheesh, that sounded like the start of a bad joke or something. No wonder the weather team looked different, all the stallions had been missing from it! How did that even work? Were stallions treated like royalty, rare things to be treasured? She tried to envision what that would look like, even ordinary stallions going around being fawned over like the Wonderbolts.
"...Eloquent as always, darling..." Rarity muttered, before looking at her. "But yes, it's not ideal. You have to be quick if you want to nab a stallion, or else they'll be stolen away."
"Stolen away...?" Rainbow frowned. She was about to ask what Rarity meant by that, when suddenly a very different vision formed in her head.
One of big stallions being ambushed and tied up and then dragged off by desperate mares. She hadn't seen a single stallion today, and Twilight had said it had been a while since she'd seen one. Was it because they were all tied up in the basement of whatever mare got to them first? Her eyes widened. No way...right? That was crazy, that wouldn't happen! But then she remembered this was a weird and backward world. One where spas and make-up weren't sappy. A world where stallions were the smaller gender, around her current size.
From there, it was pretty much impossible not to imagine herself being tied up and dragged off to who knows where. Her pupils shrunk to pinpricks.
"Rainbow? Are you okay?" Fluttershy asked, having drawn closer when Rainbow wasn't paying attention.
Rainbow Dash flinched back, taking to the air and startling the group. "Woah, hold on!!" She exclaimed, eyes carefully scanning for the slightest move to grab her. She gulped. “You girls aren’t planning on tying me up and locking me in some basement, right!?”
“Why would we-” Twilight’s throat suddenly seemed to close as realization crossed her face. “-What!? No!” She coughed out.
"Rainbow! What kinda low-down varmints do you take us for?" Applejack asked, seeming offended.
"Uh..." Suddenly, Rainbow felt a little silly. "Desperate ones who foalnap stallions...?" Even as she said that, she realized she'd jumped to some conclusions.
"Rainbow! What on earth could have possessed you to think that?" Rarity asked, offense clear in her voice. "That we would act like such...brutes?"
Oh, now she was acting innocent? "I dunno, Rarity! Maybe that stuff about stallions being 'snatched up' and 'stolen away'! What am I supposed to think when you're talking like some kind of cavepony?" Rainbow Dash shot back as she landed on the ground again.
"Cavepony!? Well, excuse me, for using expressive language!" Rarity huffed. Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.
"We should probably avoid being, uh, expressive. We can't expect Rainbow to know when we're being literal or not," Twilight said diplomatically. Rarity sniffed haughtily, but said nothing more.
Rainbow took a breath, reminding herself that despite some…strange differences, her friends were still the same ponies. Which was comforting. Still, there was so much she couldn't be sure about. Ten mares to a stallion. There was so much to unpack there, she hardly knew where to begin. Like where the hay all the stallions where. She hadn't seen any while flying to Twilight's library, and...
Wait a minute. She looked around the library (a rare occurrence for Rainbow), but she didn't find what she was looking for. In fact, she found the library was dirtier than usual. "Uh, Twilight, do you have an assistant?"
"No? Why do you ask?" Twilight asked, tilting her head.
Oh. Well then. Spike wasn't even a girl, he was just gone?
"Nevermind," Rainbow said quickly, shaking her head. "So then...ten mares per stallion? How does that even work? Do you just have like, one happy couple, and then nine lonely mares?"
She dreaded the answer. It must be really nice to be a stallion here, now that she thought about it. She could imagine even losers like her old flight school bullies would be beating mares back with a stick. Well, that is, unless they were also-
No! Stop! Brain, don't imagine her bullies as pretty mares! Do not- Ugh!
Seeming to miss Rainbow retching, Twilight considered the question for a moment. "Couple...? Oh, is that common in your world!? That's fascinating!"
Rarity smiled. "Oh, it's so delightfully strange to hear about this! A stallion for every mare!" Her eyes seemed to sparkle at the thought.
"Huh?" Rainbow blinked, not following.
"In this world, a couple is like...a selfish fantasy. Well, unless it's two mares together. A romance book featuring just one mare with a stallion would be...sleazy." Twilight explained eagerly. "A herd with at least three mares is needed before a story can feel realistic."
Oh. Ohhhh. So they took part in herding. Having more than two ponies in a relationship. She honestly hadn’t even thought of that, because the concept did not sit well with Rainbow. "Wait, so you're telling me guys can just go around dating as many ponies as they want?" She asked, disgusted.
"Not quite, dear." Rarity shook her head. "The way it works is that a group of mares, usually friends, will try to woo a stallion together. The stallion isn't supposed to pick and choose, they accept or reject the entire group."
Rainbow Dash blinked, trying to imagine it. That was…well, at least better than a free-for-all. "Huh. Just like that?" She asked. It still wasn’t something she’d actually want to be part of, but at least everypony would be okay with everypony else. Maybe this world wasn't as crazy as-
"Well, no." Twilight hastily added. "There's a complex set of unwritten rules, like more mares joining with everypony's approval, social pressure to accept more mares in if the herd is too small, superstition over the luck of a seven-pony herd, political and financial pressure on the stallion by the herdmares to accept new mares of their choosing, differences in expectations and status based on the order joined-"
"Nevermind, I was right, this world sucks." Rainbow rolled her eyes. Seriously, what was with all that nonsense?
"Rainbow!" Applejack admonished. "Look, don't listen to Twi. Most herds ain't like that, the mares are just good friends. Twilight, what the hay have you been reading?"
"Oh, uh..." Twilight blushed. "Maybe the books exaggerate to be a bit more exciting..."
Typical Twilight, speaking like she knew something without ever having tried it for real. Wait, actually...? "So have any of you girls tried...that? Teaming up and flirting with stallions?"
There were some looks around the group, before Twilight cleared her throat. Rarity and Applejack sent her alarmed looks. "Well, me, Rarity, and Applejack tried together, not long ago."
There was a short pause, and then Rainbow Dash burst out laughing.
"You know, I haven't even told you what happened," Twilight deadpanned, clearly unamused, as Rainbow's laughs only grew louder.
"I can already guess!" Rainbow chortled, looking between the three and imagining it. "Seriously, you Applejack, and Rarity? Trying to flirt as a team? Are you really going to tell me that didn't end in disaster?"
"I shouldn't have even said anything," Twilight grumbled, which only confirmed Rainbow's thoughts.
"I do recall that we agreed not to speak of it again," Rarity said, leveling Twilight with a cold glance.
"Well, I think it was very brave to try," Fluttershy asserted, giving an encouraging nod. "Um...even if it sounds like it...possibly...maybe...didn't go so well?"
"That's puttin' it lightly. Ah was hoping to forget that it ever happened," Applejack groaned, flopping to the ground and hiding her face in her hat.
"Aw, it's okay!" Pinkie comforted, jabbing at the downed Applejack with her hoof. "It made for a funny episode, and everypony there swore the details to secrecy."
"Thankfully." Twilight sighed, shaking her head. "I'm just glad Celestia will never find out exactly-...wait." Twilight gave Pinkie a look of horror. Rarity and Applejack did likewise. "You weren't there, Pinkie! How do you know? The details were supposed to stay secret! Who blabbed!?" Twilight squeaked.
"Silly Twilight, I was there!" Pinkie giggled, before looking up with a hoof to her chin. "Buuuut I guess I was in disguise. I was working on a prank for the side plot and needed to be sneaky."
"Somehow, I'm not surprised," Rarity said, resigned. “Still, your disguise must have been quite impressive to fool us. I had no idea you were among the witnesses…”
Rainbow Dash was still chortling on the ground. Seriously, their attempts at flirting went so bad they'd vowed the details to secrecy? She looked up to see the trio still giving her less than enthused glares. "Aw, come on! Everypony has embarrassing stories, right?" She grinned.
Twilight sighed. "I suppose that's true. It was my first try...and what happened wasn't really anypony's fault." She bit her lips, still looking a little conflicted. "...and it was a good lesson, too."
"Yeah, and look at the bright side. Least Rainbow weren't there." Applejack pointed out. Rarity seemed to recoil at the idea, which almost brought a grin to Applejack's face as she got back to her hooves. "Then we'd never hear the end of it."
Twilight smiled. "You're right, I suppose there is a bright side to every-"
"Wait, wasn't Rainbow helping you with that prank, Pinkie!?" Rarity asked fearfully, startling the mood. "Was she there in disguise too!?"
"Ummmmmm-," Pinkie put a hoof to her chin like she was trying to remember. Rainbow could swear she heard a drum roll and...wait, no, somepony really was playing it outside. Everypony held their breath, and then finally, Pinkie's eyes widened. "Oh yeah! She was! The pony you were flirting with? That was Rainbow in disguise."
For a moment there was silence, as three ponies shared a horrified look. Their smiles and optimism: gone. So in a great show of empathy, Rainbow Dash burst out laughing again.
"Oh, cornsarnit!" Applejack stamped the ground with a hoof, squeezing her eyes shut. "I should have known the moment I saw the eyelashes!"
"Twilight, darling, must we really fix this parallel universe nonsense?" Rarity asked, hiding her face in her hooves. "I don't think I can bear to face our usual Rainbow Dash ever again," she mumbled, as Fluttershy moved to comfort her.
"Pinkie, why didn't you tell us!? You were there!" Twilight whined. "You could have stopped us before..." She trailed off, cringing as the memories played through her head.
"Well, I didn't know that you didn't know! And you didn't know that I didn't know that you didn't know-" Pinkie rambled.
Twilight facehoofed. "I should know better by now then to even ask."
"Plus, Rainbow looked like she was enjoying it, so I thought maybe she knew that you knew that she knew that-"
Rainbow rolled again as she laughed, holding her aching stomach. She couldn't think of any three ponies in their group of friends that would make for a worse...flirting team? The concept was still weird to her, but it was good to know her friends were still the same. The same disasters, that was. Speaking of which, she rolled into Applejack's hoof, and looked up to see the farmpony glaring down at her.
"You enjoying yourself, you little jackal?" Applejack glared.
"Don't worry AJ!" Rainbow mock-comforted. "Everypony makes mistakes! You just gotta pick yourself up and try again. So if you three want another shot..." She gave them her biggest grin. "I'm right here."
Once again, three glares...wait no, two glares and a blush from Applejack. Before she could pounce on the opportunity to get another rib in, though, Twilight spoke up, flustered and a little angry. "Okay! We've answered Rainbow's question. I think we're done with this topic! Let's see, what's next?"
"Seeing if we can't grab ourselves a few stallions from that other world?" Rarity asked, sarcastically.
Rainbow Dash snorted. Seriously, why was this version of Rarity such a cavepony-
"Hm...you know, maybe we should." Twilight said, throwing a look at Rainbow. "Isn't it a bit unfair that your world gets all the stallions?"
Wait, what?
"We're going to foalnap stallions from this Rainbow's world!?" Pinkie gasped, eyes widening. Rainbow was right there with her, about to ask the same thing.
"No, that won't be necessary." Twilight denied.
"Aw..." Pinkie sounded out, disappointed.
"Huh? Did you want to foalnap-" Twilight stopped herself. "You know what? I just learned not to ask." She shook her head. "Anyway, I was thinking more along the lines of opening diplomatic relationships between our worlds, then telling stallions over there they could have a herd of mares if they came over to us. If my theory is right, we could lure most, if not all of them over to our side willingly."
Wait, what?
"Ooh, that's simply devious!" Rarity cooed. "I love it! Let's do it!"
"We could really do that?" Pinkie asked, her eager energy returning.
"It's certainly possible." Twilight nodded. "Do you think that would work, Rainbow?" She asked with an innocent head tilt.
Rainbow Dash's mouth dried. She knew plenty of stallions would jump on the chance to be with more than one mare. Heck, she'd be tempted, too. But this whole thing was...she didn't even know where to start. This was a bad idea, she could just tell! "What? No, you can't!"
"You don't think it's a good idea?" Twilight tilted her head again.
"Of course not! Why do-Why do you need to take stallions from our world?" Rainbow asked, trying not to squeak. "I thought you guys were fine with herding!"
"Having more choices would be nice, though. I kind of like the idea of a smaller herd, too." Twilight mused, putting a hoof to her chin. "How about we make this fair though, and vote on it? Everypony in agreement with the stallion redistribution plan, raise your hoof!" Twilight called out, before raising hers.
Was the decision to start a massive interdimensional socioeconomic semi-sexual ethical political cultural initiative really going to come down to six non-elected non-royal ponies voting by hoof? Yes. Yes it was.
Wait, no! Rainbow's eyes widened as she realized this was going to be the most biased vote ever, especially as Twilight's hoof was quickly joined by Rarity's and Pinkie's.
"What!? That's totally unfair, and...wait, aren't we tied?" Rainbow realized, looking to see Fluttershy and Applejack hadn't raised their hooves like she'd expected. She hadn't noticed it before, but they'd both been looking rather conflicted the whole time.
"Hm…Applejack?" Twilight asked, a little surprised. "You’re voting no?"
"Ahm just thinkin', ain't this a might sudden? This idea's too big to decide on so quick." Applejack shook her head, looking a little confused and disturbed by the sudden turn of the conversation.
"Yes! Exactly!" Rainbow nodded eagerly. Thank you Applejack, I'll never prank you again! Of course, that promise wouldn't extend to her own Applejack back home.
"But...Applejack, don't you see this is our chance?" Rarity pleaded. "You're always saying how your farm work makes it difficult to meet anypony new...don't you want a stallion, too?"
“Nah, I realized they don’t even have eyelashes.” Applejack blinked. “Wait, ah mean…nevermind.”
"I...okay." Rarity gave her a confused glance, before turning to Fluttershy. "How about you, darling?"
"Well, I don't want to be with a stallion taller than me." Fluttershy asserted with crossed hooves.
Was the decision to start a massive interdimensional socioeconomic semi-sexual ethical political cultural initiative really going to come down to Fluttershy's preference for shorter romantic partners? Yes. Yes it was.
Rainbow Dash clamped her mouth shut, biting back a comment that this other-world version of Fluttershy was so tall and slender that she probably wouldn’t have much trouble finding a stallion shorter than her. But as long as Rainbow stayed silent, this vote was as good as won-
“Wait, Fluttershy, you’re forgetting something!” Rarity pleaded. “The mares in Rainbow’s world would be shorter!”
Rarity's outburst was greeted by a moment of silence. But before Rainbow Dash could ask what difference shorter mares even made, Fluttershy's face lit up red, and her hoof shot up into the air.
Oh, come on! Rainbow Dash gave Fluttershy her best 'are you kidding me' look, but the shy mare seemed too lost in her thoughts as she blushed and stared at the floor.
"Well, that's four to two, we win." Twilight nodded, before smiling. "I love democracy."
"Isn't it, like, treason, for you to say that?" Rainbow grumbled, before shaking her head and regrouping her thoughts. "Wait, hold on, we're not done yet! How do you know our world has shorter mares?" She jabbed a hoof at Rarity.
"You said we're all the same height in your world, right?" Twilight pointed out. "Aren't you the average height of a mare, where you're from?"
"W-Well, yeah, but..." Rainbow fumbled, realizing that was a good point. "I- Um- W-What if I got shorter...somehow?" Somehow, the most important argument in Rainbow Dash's life hinged on this observation.
"Why would you be any short-...oh, perhaps if it's a mind swap...okay, you have a point." Twilight conceded, surprisingly. "Hm, but if you're really shorter than usual, your proportions should have changed, so if we just compare..."
"Wait, you can't!" Pinkie pleaded.
"Huh?" Twilight looked at Pinkie, surprised. "Why not? It's a perfectly logical-"
"No! Are you kidding me!?" Pinkie shook her head so fast that it looked like she wasn't moving because of the frame rate. "If we acknowledge the proportion difference, then somepony should have noticed something sooner! It'll be a major plothole! Think, Twilight, think!"
"Oh, actually, my legs are kind of shorter than usual..." Rainbow frowned, looking herself over. Her barrel was shorter, too, and her neck. "Weird, I didn't even notice..."
"...Orrrrr the author can just throw Rainbow under the bus." Pinkie rolled her eyes. "That works too."
"Uh, gals?" Applejack spoke up. "This is uh...well, fascinating and all...but shouldn't this be the princess's decision?"
There was a short pause, and Rainbow Dash mentally facehoofed for not thinking of that sooner. Surely Celestia would see what a bad idea this was, and Twilight would do whatever the princess said. That was a lot smarter than arguing about...pony height, for some reason? How did they even get here?
“Of course. You can all lower your hooves, by the way. I was just messing with Rainbow for laughing at us.” Twilight nodded.
"That was a joke!?" Rainbow and Rarity both squawked, before blinking and glaring at each other.
"Well, yeah. Did you really think something this big would come down to just us voting on it?" Twilight giggled. “Although, maybe I let it get a bit out of hoof…”
Rainbow looked at Twilight for any hint that she was joking about joking, before she let out a sigh of relief. “Sheesh Twilight, you really had me worried for a moment there.” Twilight’s idea of a joke could be…well, anyway.
"But...but Twilight!" Rarity begged, proving Rainbow hadn't been the only one to fall for it. "We can't miss this chance! More stallions! And bigger stallions! That's more stallion per stallion!"
"At best, we can get our Celestias...Celesti? Celestiax?" Twilight mused thoughtfully, before shaking her head. "-At best they can talk about it. But there's a lot of other stuff we should probably worry about first. Like maybe how this all happened anyway."
Just then, Rainbow Dash's stomach growled loudly. Oh yeah, she hadn't had a chance to eat today.
"-Or maybe we should stop for lunch." Twilight nodded.
They ate in the library. Sandwiches from a local place, because nopony knew how to cook. No, not even Applejack.
"You don't make apple pies and stuff!?" Rainbow looked at Applejack, shocked. "That's like, your thing!"
"It is?" Applejack looked at her, surprised. "round' here, cooking's a stallion's job."
Somehow, Rainbow Dash wasn't even surprised. Every difference seemed to come down to the weird fixation on certain genders only being supposed to do certain things. "Wait, does Pinkie not work at Sugarcube Corner, then? Since it's a stallion's job?" She turned to see Pinkie Pie was gone. When did she leave?
Suddenly the library door burst open, and in walked Pinkie Pie with a tray full of colorful cupcakes. "I made dessert! And Rainbow, don't be silly! Cooking is a stallion's job...up until it's done professionally! Then suddenly it's heavily biased to be a mare's job!"
"Wow, this world is dumb," Rainbow declared, frowning. Who came up with that rule?
"Well, maybe a little, when you put it that way..." Twilight admitted, before accepting a cupcake from Pinkie. "Anyway, speaking of worlds, before I can get to figuring out how to fix all of this, I think we should try to figure out how it happened in the first place. So while we were eating, I put together a list of possible causes. First off, has anypony here come across any ancient, magical artifacts?"
"Ooh! Me!" Pinkie raised her hoof eagerly. "I found a potion that turns you into a pegasus yesterday!"
"That was just an energy drink, Pinkie." Twilight dismissed. "Anypony else?" She looked around. "No?"
"Wait, hold on." Rainbow frowned as something occurred to her. "Didn't you say a certain somepony turned into an alicorn last week? Because of an artifact they stole?"
"Of course! The Alicorn Amulet!" Rarity exclaimed, eyes wide. Several ponies blinked, as if just remembering their version of Rainbow Dash had tried to take over the world last week. Sheesh, how did you forget something like that?
"I thought we broke that...horrible thing." Fluttershy mumbled doubtfully. "It made her so mean..."
"We did, so there's no way the amulet is responsible for any of today's events." Twilight shook her head. "Princess Celestia and I made absolutely sure to purge its evil influence from our Rainbow Dash's mind after it was destroyed."
"So then...did she stop being an alicorn?" Rainbow asked, just to be sure.
"Well, of course!" Twilight said like it was obvious. "Once we got the amulet off, there was a flash of light, and then her horn was gone." Twilight nodded to herself.
"An' there's no way she might could've hidden her horn, somehow? Just pretended to lose it?" Applejack asked thoughtfully.
Twilight blinked, then seemed to consider something, before a look of horror dawned on her face.
"Did Twilight just get outsmarted by Dashie?" Pinkie asked, leaning over towards the librarian.
Twilight yanked a book over with her magic, quickly opened to a page halfway through. "The horn-hiding spell! Oh, why didn't I think of checking for that!? She tricked me, that little-!"
"Sounds like it." Rainbow nodded at Pinkie. "I'm starting to think this other-Rainbow pony is a better prankster then me. Anypony who can fool Twilight twice like this is worth speaking to."
In another world, a similar scene was playing out. All the Elements of Harmony, sitting at the library, discussing Rainbow's apparent interdimensional travel. The difference was this Rainbow Dash was an alicorn.
"Wait, so let me get this right." Alicorn Dash held a hoof to her head, looking confused. "You're saying if two mares like the same stallion, or two stallions like a mare, herding is seen as an unacceptable solution even if they’re friends? They just have to fight it out until one of them dies or is left heartbroken?"
Twilight bit at her lip, recalling hundreds of stories invoking the dreaded love triangle, and literally zero real-life experience. "Well, it also could end up with everypony dead, or just the shared love interest dying, or-"
"Wow, this world sucks!" Rainbow declared.
Author's Note
This chapter took a lot longer then I was expecting to write. It was partially the steam summer sale, but also because this chapter ended up needing serious revisions. I had a lot of stuff that I eventually just needed to tear out because it pushed the tone of the chapter too far. So, sorry about that.
I wasn't planning on making this a three-parter, but once again I've written and worked on a big chunk of stuff and ended up on a good stopping point. Rainbow Dash meeting herself will have to wait for next chapter, sadly...
Thanks for reading (or skipping to the authors notes...?)! Also, thanks to PopMediaVagabond for the editing support!
