Are We Gay?

by Skijarama

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Slice of Life, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Romance
Length: 2027

Applejack has a question for Rainbow Dash.

“Hey, Rainbow?”

“What?”

“Are we gay?”

"...What?"

Written on a whim after a weird dream and a bout of insomnia. I am not sorry.

Now with a reading.

Published 2022-06-03 02:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2022-06-03 02:50:02 UTC

Are We, Though?

“Hey, Rainbow?”

“What?”

“Are we gay?”

A soft autumn breeze blew over the hilltop as Applejack waited for Rainbow to respond. The sun had dipped low toward the horizon by now, sending shafts of orange and golden light filtering through the trees of Sweet Apple Acres. The fresh smell of fallen leaves permeated the air, joined by the rustling of those few that yet clung to their branches.

The two were lying down at the top of a little hill just at the orchard's edge after a long day of cloudbusting, teaching, and tending to the orchard.

Applejack swallowed heavily as she waited for a response. She was used to Rainbow being quick to retort to any odd questions with some sort of snarky dismissal or snappy counter-question.

Finally, Rainbow rolled onto her side to look at the worn-out farmer. A few strands of her colorful mane strayed in front of her eyes. A moment passed. Then another.

“...What?”

Her tone carried the sort of casual confusion one might exhibit after listening to Pinkie blabber about anything or listening to Twilight try and explain something sciency. There was no offense, nor alarm. Just lazy confusion.

Applejack rolled onto her side to meet Rainbow’s gaze. “Are we gay? You and me?” she repeated.

Rainbow blinked.

“...AJ, if this has to do with my mane-”

“Consarnit, RD, Ah’m bein’ serious!” Applejack exclaimed, flopping onto her back and covering her eyes in exasperation.

Rainbow just stared at her for a second, humming quietly, and rolled onto her back again as well to stare up at the sky. “Are we gay, huh?” she muttered. “That’s a pretty weird question.”

“Right?” Applejack said, letting her forelegs drift lazily off to her sides. “Gah. Ah dunno. Forget Ah said anythin’.”

“No no no no no,” Rainbow sat up and turned to Applejack with a look that could only be described as ‘intent.’ “You started this train, you don’t get to jump off now.”

Applejack’s face began to redden slightly, and she promptly pulled down her hat to hide it from view.

Rainbow only seemed to be fueled by this. She poked Applejack in the ribs. “C’mon, cowgirl. Speak up. Why’d you ask me that?”

Applejack resisted the urge to offer any sort of reply with a remarkable amount of patience, but the incessant poking still managed to get a reaction out of her. She lifted the rim of her hat to glare at Rainbow, letting out a sound that was equal parts amused giggle and agitated bear snarl. “Ah said forget it!”

Rainbow stared at her for a moment longer, and then the mother of all predatory grins appeared on her face.

Applejack did not like where this was headed.

With her trademark swiftness, Rainbow snatched the hat from Applejack’s head before the farmer had much of a chance to react, and set it on her own head.

Lopsided, of course. Because Rainbow Dash.

With a goose-like honk, Applejack scrambled up to a standing position and glared down at Rainbow Dash. She narrowed her eyes dangerously. “Rainbow… gimme back my hat.”

“Tell me why you asked if we were gay,” Rainbow shot back without missing a beat.

“RD, Ah’m warnin’ ya!”

Rainbow quirked a brow. “Applejack.”

Applejack deflated on the spot. “Yeah yeah, talkin’ to a brick wall…”

Rainbow’s deadpan look morphed into a grin that made Applejack want to snog her to death. “Now you’re gettin’ it.”

With that, Rainbow was off, kicking up a cloud of dust as she zoomed off into the orchard. Applejack might have used her hat to clear the dust from her face, but that darned rainbow peacock was getting away with it!

“RAINBOW!” Applejack bellowed, breaking into a spring after Rainbow Dash. “GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!”

She heard the cocksure response from somewhere far ahead. “Make me, slowpoke!”

“Oh, Ah am gonna make y’all eat them words…” Applejack snarled under her breath. Oh, why couldn’t she have just kept her stupid mouth shut?!

Her hooves carried her after Rainbow for almost a full minute. Luckily for her, Rainbow was being considerate (or stupid) enough to stay on the ground instead of just flying off into the sky.

Maybe she wanted to be caught? That was an enticing thought.

Applejack shook her head and focused. She caught sight of Rainbow just ahead, ducking and weaving between the trees, her colorful tail bouncing frenetically behind her in a way that caught Applejack’s eye. Again.

“Y’all are in for such a poundin’ when Ah catch ya!” Applejack bellowed like a regrettably orange banshee, pumping even more strength into her legs to try and close the remaining distance.

Rainbow looked back over her shoulder, mouth already splitting open to offer up some retort. But then she saw how close Applejack was, and all that came out of her was a startled yelp. On instinct, she unfurled her wings and went to leap into the sky.

“Oh, no you don’t!” Applejack thought. With all of the might she could muster, she compressed her legs and kicked off into the air right as Rainbow gave her first flap. The two collided a foot or two off the ground with a sound reminiscent of sexually confused potatoes.

Applejack did not want to know why that was what her mind had jumped to as a comparison.

Rainbow gave off a less-than dignified squawk, and both of them grunted as they hit the ground. They rolled along for several feet, wrestling and struggling against one another.

Applejack had strength and reach, but sweet Celestia did Rainbow have flexibility. It was only by pure chance, and the lingering confusion of getting bum-rushed into the dirt, that Rainbow finally found herself being pinned under Applejack’s considerable earth pony strength.

The two were panting for breath at this point. Applejack glared down at Rainbow, mouth agape, her coat bristling with frustration. She didn’t say anything, though. She just kept looking. And looking.

Looking at those big, red, shiny eyes. That little nose that was just a bit crooked from one too many bad landings. The beads of sweat running down the side of her head. The colorful mane splayed out on the grass beneath her. The way her absolutely under-maintained lips only sort of shined in the-

“Gosh darnit,” Applejack swore, swiping her hat back from the pegasus when she realized what she was doing. “Don’t y’all ever take a hint, ya stubborn mule?”

Rainbow just smirked. Always that unfair smirk. “Nope.”

Applejack groaned in frustration before driving her hoof into Rainbow’s belly. Not hard enough to do any damage, or even really hurt. Just enough to convey a message. “Well, y’all had better start!”

“Gonna hafta sit me down in class for that,” Rainbow rebuked, only wincing slightly from the punch. “And we both know how much of a pointless effort that is.”

“Ah, shaddap,” Applejack snorted before realizing she was still on top of Rainbow. With a slight flush, she backed off of her and helped her back to her hooves.

The two stood in silence for a few seconds.

“So, why’d you ask if we’re gay?” Rainbow asked as if none of that just happened.

“For the love of-” Applejack started, about ready to blow up on the pegasus with all of the mighty, righteous anger her countryisms could convey. But then she remembered that she was dealing with Rainbow Dash, and all of her frustration left her like air from one of Pinkie’s balloons. “Yer not gonna drop this, are ya?”

“It’s just such a weird question,” Rainbow replied. “I mean, c’mon. Don’t you know if you’re gay? I’d think it’s kinda hard to not know.”

Applejack ran a hoof over her face. Rainbow wasn’t gonna let this go. Might as well tear off the bandage now and get it all over with.

Applejack sat down on her haunches with a sigh. “Gah. Ah dunno, Rainbow. Ah never really did much thinkin’ about who or what Ah was attracted to. Dunno if y’all noticed, but Ah’m married to my work on the farm. Ain’t never had time for boyfriends or girlfriends or anythin’ like that.”

Rainbow got a knowing grin. “Probably because you’re so bad at actually optimizing your work…”

“Don’t you go Twilightin’ on me, little missy.”

“You’re gonna hafta make me do that, too.”

Applejack growled, her patience for Rainbow’s nonsense just about at an end. “RD, Can ya please take this seriously?! Ah know it might not look like it to you, but this is a big deal to me!”

That finally got Rainbow’s expression to soften. The teasing mirth faded away and was soon replaced with quiet attentiveness.

Satisfied that Rainbow would at least hear her out, Applejack launched back into her explanations. “Now, like Ah was sayin’, Ah never really thought about it. Ah don’t really have a love life, ya know? But…”

She glanced off to one side, her ears drooping. “We’ve been through a lot the last few years. Was a whole lotta times Ah thought we might’ve been about to lose. And when we’d come out of things on top, there’d be this little voice in the back of my head, tellin’ me Ah’m missin’ somethin’ important.

“And then in comes you, Dash. With all that swagger and confidence. Y’all’ve been pushin’ me to be my best since we met, and out of everypony, y’all seem to be the one who's bothered the least when the day is done. Ya just bounce back. Usually, right at me.”

Rainbow tilted her head. “Whaddya mean?”

Applejack shrugged. “Ah dunno. Sounded more poetic in mah head. But the point is…” she turned back to Rainbow. “Y’all’ve been comin’ to hang out with me a lot more lately. And… Well, Ah’ve been doin’ the same to you.”

Rainbow just kept looking at her with that deer-in-the-trainlights look that always made Applejack want to smirk.

Applejack continued. “Ah dunno… Ah ain’t good at this. Ah guess ah just wanna know… what are we, RD? Properly, seriously, and honestly. What are we?”

And now it was in the air, and the anxiety it created was almost unbearable. Rainbow swallowed hard, still looking at Applejack with a look that the farmer just couldn’t read. Which was frustrating, because she could usually read this smooth-brained pegasus like an open book.

Finally, Rainbow spoke. “Uh… I mean… What do you want us to be?”

“Well, Ah was starin’ at yer butt the whole time Ah was chasin’ ya.”

Rainbow blushed. “Wait, you were what?”

“It’s a nice butt!”

“Dude!”

“What? Ah ain’t gonna lie!”

“Well, yeah, but c’mon!” Rainbow moaned as her face turned a furious shade of red. “Just 'cause it’s honest doesn’t mean ya gotta say it!”

Applejack snickered at that. “Hah. Fair enough…”

“...Yours is nice, too.”

“Oh.”

There was a moment of silence. Somewhere in the distance, a chicken crowed to punctuate the awkwardness of the last several seconds.

Applejack shook herself. “Screw it. Goin’ all in!”

“So... are we gay?”

Rainbow was quiet for a few seconds, mulling the question over. And then, finally, her thoughtful expression turned into that grin. “Ya know what I think?”

Applejack felt a small twist of anxiety. “W-what?”

“We’re gay as shit.”

Applejack stammered at the profanity. “Wha- RD! Language!”

“Hey, I ain’t lying,” Rainbow chirped with a snicker of devilish delight. “Now get over here and snog me or something!”

Applejack rolled her eyes. A weight was lifted off her shoulders as she hurled herself against Rainbow, mashing her lips against those of the pegasus as they fell into the leaf-smothered dirt.

Somewhere off in the distance, that same chicken from before crowed a little victory noise before shuffling off to do the things that chickens do, and the sun finally set, drowning the world in the cool shades of night.

Author's Note

As said in the description, I wrote this on a whim after having a bizarre dream and a bout of mild insomnia. I pretty much improvised the whole thing based on the opening exchange, and here we are.

Now with a reading.