Doctor Whooves and The Slightly Inconvenient Thursday
The night above Ponyville, like always, was filled with stars.
Far above the little town, distant galaxies and vast nebulas shone down on them, twinkling to be watched by ponies the world over. Whether it be couples, close friends or family, Luna’s sky was one for all to enjoy.
Ponies near and far gazed up into its wonder, enjoying the period of peace that had descended over Equestria, the new period of harmony that was set to last for centuries to come. Even the most devoted of the star charters in Canterlot’s top observatory couldn’t help but be at rest, ignoring their appointed tasks for a little break.
After all, it wasn’t as if the one time they took time off would be the time something actually happened.
So it was very understandable, after they heard what happened in Ponyville the very next day, they feared for their continued employment.
—
Lyra sighed, yawning as she stood outside the strange blue house from across the street, hoping she didn’t appear too tired as her hoof hovered over the door. She could do this. This was easy. She’d knocked on plenty of doors before. She didn’t want to brag, but she could probably even call herself a pro at it. So why was she hesitating now?
Well, normal ponies didn’t exactly go to the Doctor’s house very often. At the least, Lyra took pride in the fact that, despite her reputation for being unusual, she hadn’t quite reached the same level of weirdness as Whooves had.
The scientist was well liked in the community of course, his inventions had helped the village develop more than ever, like personally designing the telephone Mayor Mare used in her office. Not only that, but he got along with Twilight Sparkle when they interacted, was a leading theorist when it came to recent time studies and even (somehow) seemed to know Princess Celestia first hoof! Of course all of this was completely normal things for a pony to know, and not the paranoid research done by her marefriend that she pulled out of a concerningly large filing cabinet.
But despite all of that, everypony could agree that he was certainly… odd. Even by the standards of the same town that housed Pinkie Pie, her sister, a baby dragon and the literal embodiment of chaos himself.
Because of that, it wasn’t often ponies went out of their way to visit him. Especially at his home, something that several grainy photos suggested was filled to the brim with dangerous inventions.
“No matter how much you say it Bonnie, your habits can be and are seen as creepy sometimes... most of it looked like junk anyways! I think one was a robot dog or something...” She muttered aloud to herself, knowing full well she was stalling from actually knocking on the door in front of her.
Lyra couldn’t help herself from being worried, the pony having been on edge the last few days, the lack of any sort of hijinks concerning her more with each passing day. Bon Bon was usually the paranoid one, but if there was anything Lyra had learned while living here, it was that when things didn’t happen, it meant when something did happen, it was even more crazy to compensate.
She had already been fretting about it for days before Bon Bon gave her this task, the unicorn fully aware how bad she must have been getting when her marefriend was telling her to stop overthinking things. It was fine. Everything was fine. And if something did go wrong, the elements would have things sorted in like an hour and a half tops.
With those thoughts, she sighed again, mentally preparing herself for the strangeness that would follow as she slammed her hoof against the door.
She knocked once.
Silence.
With a scowl, she knocked a second time.
Nothing.
She slammed her hoof louder the third time, using her magic to recheck her watch and confirm it was way too early to deal with this.
When even that failed, she went to knock a fourth time, a voice from inside ringing out just in time to stop her.
”Hold on! Coming! I’ll just be a moment!” The Doctor shouted, Lyra cringing at the sounds of clutter being knocked over, followed by a distant explosion, robotic footsteps before being finished off with the cry of a panicked rooster. For a moment there was silence, the unicorn blinking in shock, wondering if she might have been better off staying in bed this morning.
Finally the door to the cottage opened, a brown, spiky haired stallion catching his breath as smoke spewed from behind him. Seeing Lyra, he smiled, straightening his tie and taking off his hat, before trying to put out the small fire on it with his hoof without making it too obvious.
”Miss Heartstrings! What a pleasure to see you this fine morning! Whatever brings you to my humble, totally ordinary abode?” He asked, Lyra raising an eyebrow at his tone of voice, far too used to using it herself when Bon Bon or one of her school friends interrupted her in the middle of one of her brainstorming sessions for how their society had been shaped by the higher powers of humanity.
No, the massive board with all the scraps of paper on it wasn't creepy. They could shut up.
“Hey Doc! Sorry to bother you. But me and Bon Bon kinda need a favour. It’s not much, I promise!” She added, once more trying to fight the wills of the universe she was certain wasn’t paranoia in case she was whisked away on some great adventure.
Ok now that was just ridiculous. When was the last time she was the epicentre of one of Ponyville's disasters? Nope! She was 100% a background pony!
”Oh dear, is this about the noise? The lights? The giant crabs?” He asked in concern, Lyra only growing more confused with each word.
”What!? No! What giant crabs!?”
”Oh right. That one didn’t happen. My mistake. What can I help you with then?”
Lyra facehooved, sighing again, mentally preparing herself to ask the question she had been sent here for to begin with, the most important and dangerous mission of all.
“Yeah, I was wondering if I could borrow some sugar?” She asked, Whooves blinking in surprise.
”Some... sugar? Oh yes. I have some. Beg your pardon though but Bon Bon makes candy, does she not?”
“Hence why she needs sugar, yes. She needs to get started on the next order as soon as possible; most of the stores are closed at this time so she sent me to borrow some. She got so focused on getting all the rare imported stuff she forgot we were out,” Lyra explained, the Doctor's face dawning in understanding.
”Ah, very understandable then! Follow me and I'll get you some right away!” He shouted, trotting back inside while the unicorn followed uncertainty, hoping things wouldn’t get more crazy once she got inside.
“So… what was it you were doing in here?” She asked, trying to make some small talk to distract her from the annoying inner nagging that was certain everything was somehow certain to go wrong at a moment's notice.
“Oh just my latest project sorting out my… shed! Moving a few rooms around you see. Almost fell into the swimming pool when I heard you knock!” The stallion explained, Lyra thinking she was getting a taste of what others felt like when dealing with her as she groaned.
“The... swimming pool? In your... ‘shed’?” She asked, unsure if she was ready for the answer as Whooves chuckled.
”Oh yes! I was just moving the library out! Following Twilight's advice you see! She almost had a heart attack when I showed her where I kept them. Would you like a tour-”
“Nope!” Lyra interjected, sensing that her tolerance for crazy was already nearing its limit. “Just would like that sugar now!”
“Oh quite right! Don’t worry, I won’t keep you long. Luckily I always keep some in my workshop.” The Doctor explained, leading them both into a room filled with strange machines, some hanging from the ceiling while others remained stuck to the ground. “Now where did I put it…”
The stallion muttered to himself as he rummaged through the belongings on one of his desks, throwing off some old metal rods, a rusty dagger, and some golden symbol that even she didn’t recognise. He didn’t seem to notice the sound of the front door opening, Lyra’s eyes widening in surprise, uncertain just who the new visitor was.
”Doc! Doc! Oh, you're not going to believe what I found today!” The familiar voice of Derpy Hooves quickly put an end to the suspense, although Lyra was left unsure if she would be more terrified now that she knew just which pony was approaching.
Although not quite as infamous as the Doctor, Derpy was another pony well known across the community for reasons that were less than positive. Although nopony would ever doubt her enthusiasm, her luck was quite simply abysmal; in the past two weeks alone, her clumsiness had resulted in destroyed buildings, pianos, chariots and caravans all across the town.
Still, nopony blamed her. They would just rather have protective gear on if they ran into her on the street.
She was probably the pony Whooves hung out with the most, a strange combo to be sure, but one that seemed to work perfectly for them both. For everything that went wrong for Derpy, Whooves was never far behind to quickly supply a cleanup method to help mitigate the damage.
“Whatever is it Derpy?” He shouted, not looking up from his desk as Lyra ducked to avoid being decked unconscious by a shining purple cube. “Shouldn’t you be starting your rounds for the day?”
“Oh of course!” She replied, her voice steadily growing louder as she glided through the many hallways. “But I just had to show you what I found first, Doc! It’s really important! I was just starting work on the outskirts of the village since…”
“Yes, yes. Since you love the morning breeze and view of the town. It is your favourite place to relax after all.” Whooves butted in, the unicorn giving a blank expression as a garish multi coloured coat was thrown onto her.
“Exactly! But I found something! It was! It was a spaceship doc! It was smoking and everything! It must have crashed here last night!” Lyra’s mouth fell open in shock, the mare quickly pulling the coat off her horn.
“WHAT!? A SPACESHIP!? HERE!?” She shouted, her reaction a sharp contrast to the Doctor’s, who simply continued to search for the evasive sugar.
“Oh I wouldn’t get too excited Miss Heartstrings. Last time she said she found something like that, it was just an old washing machine…” Whooves explained, Lyra looking down dejectedly before Derpy’s voice rang out once more.
“Huh, Lyra? Hey! What are you doing here? I actually have a delivery for you today! It’s another of those weird romance books you like with the hu-”
“HAHA HOW NICE DERPY!” Lyra shouted, eyes wide in panic while darting from side to side. “HOW ABOUT YOU TELL US MORE ABOUT THE SPACESHIP YOU FOUND!?”
“Oh right! Well, I took a closer look, and found an alien!” That was what finally got Whooves’s attention, the Doctor turning around with a start.
“WHAT!? An alien!? Are you quite certain Derpy!?”
“An alien!?” Lyra shouted, her earlier excitement returning to her. “Is it a human!? Have they finally returned!? How much did you see!? Did they look like what we imagined!? Is it true they have a third eye on the back of their heads!?”
“Ehhhh… I don’t think so, sorry! But he said he was friendly and got really interested when I mentioned your name doc!” The pegasus’s voice was almost right outside the door now, her words only seeming to alarm the stallion further.
“Oh my giddy aunt! Oh crumbs! Oh dear, that might not be good at all. That could lead to- wait, hang on a minute.” He turned to face Lyra in confusion. “How do you even know about- no that’s not important right now. Derpy! Take me to the ship right away! Thankfully you didn’t just take the alien right to me-”
“So I took him right to you! Meet friendly alien, doc! He won’t tell me his name yet.” The cross eyed pegasus grinned as she flew through the door, Lyra’s eyes instantly drawn to what was within her hooves. It looked like a massive ball of purple fluff with stubby arms and bird-like feet, its wide yellow eyes blinking innocently.
“Huh. That is certainly. A thing.” Remarked the unicorn, unsure just what to make of the creature as Derpy continued to smile in pride, not noticing how the creature's eyes narrowed like a reptile upon seeing Whooves, who stared back in shock.
“Great wickering stallions! That isn't a friendly alien Derpy! It's Beep! Leader of the meep armada! Enslaver of countless galaxies! A being of pure evil! Drop him quick!" Whooves exclaimed in a panic, the creature giving an evil grin as it reached into its fur while the two mares looked at him in confusion.
"HE HAS A BLASTER!" Lyra shouted as the alien pulled a weapon from a pouch invisible to pony eyes, the green unicorn ducking for cover as Derpy blinked and tilted her head.
"Huh?"
It was then that all Tartarus broke loose.
—
“I HATE IT WHEN I'M RIGHT!” Lyra shrieked, flinching at the sounds of laser fire bouncing off the metal table she was hiding behind, Whooves and Derpy having similarly taken cover across the room.
”Come on out Doctor! You cannot hide from my vengeance! You should have known you could not run from me forever!” Screeched the demented creature, laughing maniacally as he destroyed more and more of the workshop.
”You betrayed me, friendly alien! You said you were friends with the doc! You said we would have muffins together! I WAS PROMISED MUFFINS!” Shouted Derpy, the pegasus poking her head out from behind the mannequin she was using as a barrier, before ducking back under as a stray shot almost hit her.
”How are you even here Beep!?” The Doctor asked, the stallion the only one of the three who seemed to be taking action as he rolled and leapt from cover to cover. “The last time we met it seemed quite unlikely for you to-“
”Does it matter!?” Snarled Beep, the alien smirking as he destroyed the table Whooves was about to duck behind, before aiming his blaster right at him. “Soon the only thing you will be concerned with. IS OBLIVION!”
“Doc! Look out!” Cried the pegasus, the Doctor dashing to the side to avoid the shot, grabbing one of the metal rods, pointing it back at the alien as it glowed with blue light.
BZZZZZ
The alien repeatedly clicked on the trigger, narrowing its eyes in fury as nothing came out.
“Blast it! What have you done Doctor!? How dare you deny me my glorious revenge!? I WILL TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB WITH MY OWN-” The meep’s angry rant was cut short however, turning into a surprised and terrified squeal as he was whacked in the back by a cricket bat, the round alien sent flying out of the window with an audible BONK while screaming in terror.
“Take this whatever you are!” Screamed Lyra in victory, the mare having taken full advantage of the distraction as she smiled. “Nopony gets between Lyra Heartstrings and her sugar!”
“Wow. Way to go you two!” Derpy smiled, flying towards them both. “Sorry I brought him here Doc… I thought he was nice, I promise! Now he’s messed up all of your inventions and tried to blow us all up and-”
“It’s quite alright Derpy! You know that your safety is more important than any of these old things! And while I must thank you for the assist Miss Heartstrings, we still have a meep on the loose in Ponyville! We must subdue him as soon as possible!” Whooves exclaimed, running out of the room while the mares followed uncertainty.
“Are you sure Doc?” Lyra asked, wondering if there was any point fighting the insanity after the stunt she just pulled. “Didn’t you turn that blaster thing off with your… rod thing?”
“Firstly, it’s a Sonic Screwdriver.” Whooves added before nervously chuckling at the blank stares from both mares that wordlessly told him to not focus on the minor details. “But not necessarily. A full shutdown would have taken a few seconds longer! Seconds that I didn’t exactly have! No, what I did was simply shut down the more dangerous settings of the weapon.”
“So he can still use it!?” Asked Derpy in a panic, her unfocused eyes wide. “Oh gosh. We need to catch him right away before somepony gets hurt!”
“Not to worry my dear Derpy! By my estimation Beep should only have access to around three or four of the forty two settings! So even if we can’t catch him quick, I’m certain that nopony will even notice anything is wr-”
BOOM
Whooves froze, the trio met with a distant explosion as soon as they left the building, smoke billowing from behind the rows of houses as the sound of screaming and panicked ponies filled the air.
Slowly, Lyra turned to face the nervously sweating stallion.
“In my defence it is a very deadly blaster.”
“We haven’t got time for arguing guys! We need to do something before that alien causes any more damage!” Derpy butted in, Lyra surprised at just how seriously the pegasus was taking everything as Whooves nodded.
“Right you are Derpy! Come on everypony! FOLLOW THAT MEEP!” Shouted the Doctor before bursting into a sprint, Derpy flying after him as Lyra was left blinking in confusion.
“Hey! Wait up!” She cried, quickly catching up with the pair as they dashed through streets filled with small craters, a few fires, and panicking ponies. “This is all very concerning and all, and I would love to help, but I feel like hitting the alien with a cricket bat is already the most exciting thing I’ve done for years! So how about I get the sugar from your place and leave this for-”
“I’m afraid that’s quite impossible, Miss Heartstrings! You see, while Beep was attacking us, he took the sugar for himself!”
“WHAT!?” Screamed the unicorn, her eyes twitching in fury. “BUT HE’S AN ALIEN! WHY- HOW- WHAT!?”
“Oh it’s quite simple. I believe Beep got here with a transdimensional spaceship! That type of craft is a very recent invention in his time. Get shut down the very next century too. But those models have the curious trait of being powered purely via sugar!” Whooves explained in pride, Lyra was surprised that her tolerance for insanity had been pushed this far, while also certain it must be nearing its limit. Surely. “Also, he’s a jerk.” He added plainly.
“B-but! Did he even go near where you kept it!? How did he-”
“Oh he got it like two minutes into the shooting spree.” Derpy explained casually, before tilting her head. “Didn’t anypony else notice?”
“I was hiding behind a table, fearing for my life!”
“So that’s a no?”
Lyra used all of her remaining self control to not scream up at the heavens out of frustration.
“Focus everypony!” Whooves cried, Lyra flinching at the sound of another explosion and insane laughter before what sounded like… singing?
“Great scott! We need to get there quick! He’s already dropped a new mixtape!” The Doctor shouted.
“Oh no!” Derpy cried out in alarm. “We need to do something! I hope the elements of harmony can keep him at bay! Maybe they could beat Beep for us!”
“I wouldn’t count on it.” Lyra remarked. “Twilight was called to Canterlot on princess business two days ago. Rainbow Dash is in Fillydelphia for a Wonderbolts show. Pinkie Pie and Rarity are off on a friendship quest. And Starlight Glimmer is visiting her old village for a while. So we’re mostly defenceless!”
Whooves and Derpy stared at her in silent shock.
“How do you…”
“Bonnie is very paranoid and prepared. And by very, I mean extremely concerning if it wasn’t so cute. But you know, old habits die hard.”
“Ah. Fair enough.” Whooves commented, his eyes narrowing in newfound determination. “Then by the sounds of it we’re almost completely on our own!”
“Oh gosh! What are we going to do without the elements!?” Derpy shouted in a panic, her wings flapping in alarm. “We’re doomed doc! Twilight would be able to beat him in seconds! Rainbow could do it even faster since she’s Rainbow Dash! Her middle name is danger! Or at least that’s what she told me. Although the post office records say it’s-”
As Derpy trailed off, the unicorn turned to face Whooves, the trio turning a corner and gulping at the continued levels of carnage. “How do you even know that thing Doc!?”
“Know him? Miss Heartstrings. Beep is my greates-... wait, no.” He paused, raising a hoof to his face in thought as he struggled to find the right words.
“He's the most dea... no... most destructive? No... that doesn’t work either...”
”Uh, Whooves?” Lyra asked, watching as the stallion muttered to himself, the screams of frightened ponies and manic laughter echoing behind them.
"I’ve got it! He's an old adversary of mine! Knew I could find the right way to describe him eventually!" The stallion stated triumphantly.
”That's nice and all Doc. But shouldn’t we... you know. Get a move on!?” Asked Lyra impatiently, the Doctor blinking as he processed the situation once more.
”Oh. Quite right! Let us make haste then!” He cried, dashing into another sprint right away, both mares following close behind as Derpy continued to list her panicked thoughts.
”And if Rarity was here she could knit a whole sweater! And use it as a catapult to send him flying back into space and-“
”So you’re familiar with this thing then!” Lyra shouted, cursing under her breath as she noticed all the smashed windows, the expensive items that had been there now completely absent. And all the sugar too! Celestia, this alien sucked!
”We’ve encountered each other many times in the past! The first time we met he took control of an entire town to fix his spaceship! Things happened, other aliens got involved, I trapped him in an old film. You know, the usual. He got out of that of course, then tried to take over a media station to mind control the general populace.” Whooves explained.
”He really does just have the one plan doesn’t he?” Lyra commented, the unicorn rolling her eyes while the Doctor continued.
”The last time I saw him, I followed him into another dimension where he crashed into a broadcasting studio, and he was stopped by somepony called Tom Baker that looked oddly like me a few incarnations ago just by talking to him!”
”And if Pinkie Pie was here she would say something like “it’s true, look it up!” I don’t know why she would or how that would be helpful but still!” Derpy fretted, Lyra binking as she decided it was best not to think too hard about all this craziness.
“I... ok? So should we be concerned about the printing presses then?” Asked the unicorn, already seeing the obvious pattern in all the crazy sounding events.
”I don’t believe that will be necessary! Beep only has one goal this time. Revenge on me! And by extension, the utter annihilation of Ponyville! Blast it all, where is he!?” By the time they arrived where they had heard the singing, Beep was long gone, shattered glass all over the ground as various sofas and other items were left scattered across the street.
”Gasp! We’re too late! Oh gosh! This is horrible!” Shouted Derpy, the sight finally tearing her from her worried rambling.
”Derpy, for the last time, you don’t need to say the word gasp when- hang on...” Spotting something, the Doctor trotted towards one of the many victims of Beep’s rampage, a destroyed flower stand, noticing that three ponies were curiously absent from the unconscious bodies.
”Roseluck? Daisy? Lily? Anypony there?” The Doctor shouted, his companions trailing behind him, a red maned pony nervously sticking her head out from behind the ruined stall.
”Whooves? What are you doing out here? There’s a crazed... animal... thing on the loose! It was pure carnage out here! Then it started singing and... oh it was a disaster! A terrible, awful, no good disaster!” Roseluck lamented, crying out to the heavens as the pegasus looked at her apologetically.
Lyra meanwhile, just rolled her eyes.
”Yes, yes. We are quite aware of the situation! Never fear though! Me and my trusty companions are on our way to handle it!” He exclaimed, Derpy nodding enthusiastically while the unicorn's expression remained unchanged. “But firstly, I have to ask. How are you the only pony here that isn’t unconscious?”
“Oh that happened when that creature started singing! That was the worst part of all! It finished off every weakened pony that had tried to stop it!” She cried in despair, waving her hooves wildly before the Doctor interjected once more.
”Yes, meeps do have the ability to emit sonic shrieks when cornered. But how did you avoid its effects? It should have hit everypony in the area!”
”Oh.” Roseluck said, before exclaiming. “You see this one time Pinkie Pie was doing a new style of rap with that yovidaphone thing she likes and I was one of the ponies in her test audience... let’s just say I have a lot of tolerance for these kinds of things now. Can’t say the same for my sisters though, I dragged them inside once the demon fluff ball left.”
“Oh yes. That.” Lyra shuddered, repressing the memories of that performance once more while the other two ponies stared at her curiously. “You don’t want to know. Let’s just say there’s a reason Mayor Mare banned her from performing with that thing.”
”I still have nightmares.” Added the flower pony with a pronounced shudder. “I think even Luna’s getting tired of them.”
”In any case! I do believe we should be more focused on the matter at hoof! Roseluck, did you happen to see where the creature was heading?” Asked the Doctor, the mare humming to herself as she raised a hoof to her chin.
”I think it was heading west... which means... holy turnips!” She cried with a small hop, Lyra covering her ears from the sudden volume. “It’s heading right for Sweet Apple Acres! I can’t even imagine what could happen there!”
”Excellent news!” Shouted The Doctor, his eyes alight with determination. “Come along girls! We need to get there at once and stop Beep before he can cause any more harm to the residents of our fine town!”
”Yay! Let’s do it Doc!” Shouted Derpy happily, her enthusiasm on full display once more.
”Let's beat that fluff ball back into space SO I CAN GET SUGAR FOR MY MAREFRIEND!” Lyra shouted in identical excitement, blinking at the blank stares she got in return. “I mean, and save the town too, yayyyyyyyyyyyy.”
“Wait, Whooves!” Cried Roseluck, the stallion turning back to face her while the unicorn groaned obviously, earning her a rare glare from Derpy. “Could you... maybe check the flowers for me? I’ve been too nervous to check the state of them...”
He nodded seriously, the mare on the edge of hyperventilating as the Doctor inspected the flowers, looking up as Roseluck waited for his reply with bated breath.
”I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But... there’s a broken stem on one of the carnations.”
The pony gasped dramatically, her pupils shrinking as she raised a hoof to her head. “Oh, the horror, the horror!” She cried before falling back with a FLOMP, fainting from the shock.
”She is such a drama queen sometimes...” Muttered Lyra, rolling her eyes as she ran after her companions..
”That may be so. But now Beep has gone too far! It’s clear to me now... Beep must be stopped! No matter the cost.” He growled, even the unicorn unsure how to reply before Derpy chimed in.
”As long as it’s cheap! We don’t want to pay too many bits!” She stated, smiling wide as Whooves blinked in confusion.
”Wait, Derpy not that... I didn’t... I’ll explain later. Right now, we need to focus on catching Beep before he causes even more chaos than he already has!”
”Yeah... I understand that it’s a big deal we catch him and all... but do we really need to run so fast Doc!? It’s not like he can cause that much damage before we get there!”
—
”Me and my big mouth.” Said Lyra, her mouth fallen open as she surveyed the carnage in front of her.
It looked like a bomb had been dropped onto the orchard. Some trees were on fire. Others knocked over. One had even somehow been replanted upside down, the main building looking worse for wear in the distance.
”Oh Celestia...” Muttered Derpy, her mismatched eyes wide. “Where are we going to get cider from now?”
”A question for another time I’m afraid.” Replied the stallion, his eyes widening as he spotted a pair of legs sticking out of a broken wagon amidst the apples. “Oh dear. Girls! Come help me with this!”
”I’ve got it!” Cried Lyra, her horn glowing as magic engulfed the pony, picking the dazed Applejack out of the fruit pile before plopping her to the ground. The earth pony’s eyes spun for a moment, her legs shaking unsteady as she got to her hooves and shook away the cobwebs, straightening her hat before turning towards the newcomers.
”Good day, Applejack! Terribly sorry about the mess. We’re looking for the creature that ran through here a few moments ago so we can catch it.” Whooves explained, Applejack smiling as she opened her mouth, the three watching in shock as it appeared as if she was miming the words she wanted to say.
Her eyes widened in shock mid way through.
Then she started to open her mouth even more in what looked to be confused and very annoyed screams.
This continued, the pony even finding that bucking a nearby tree didn’t make a single sound.
”Ah.” Commented Whooves. “That could be a problem.”
”Wow! Applejack’s really good at charades!” Derpy said, earning her a harsh glance from Lyra.
”What is she doing, Doc?” Asked Lyra, unsure just what to think as Applejack pulled a banjo from her wagon and attempted to play it, no sound being made despite the speed of her hooves.
”I was afraid of this... you see, one of the least dangerous settings on Beep’s blaster is, well... the mute button. Anypony hit by that loses the ability to make any sound until they’re hit by it again… looks like Beep didn’t take too kindly to Applejack defending her farm here…”
Applejack looked like she was going to blow a fuse from Whooves’s words, the veins in her head throbbing as she began silently ranting.
“Oh no! That’s awful! We have to do something Doc!” Derpy cried, Lyra simply blinking.
“Uh. Not like I’m able to understand her any less than usual.”
She got a very intense glare from the pony in question for that.
“Hey Lyra.” Loudly whispered the pegasus, leaning close as if what she was whispering couldn’t be heard by everypony present “Just since she can’t talk doesn’t mean she can’t hea-”
“Yes, Derpy. I am aware. Thanks.”
“You're welcome!”
“In any case… this is quite the problem… without anypony to tell us where Beep went, we would be stuck reacting to the chaos he causes all day! We need to stay ahead and contain him!” Whooves stated, before pausing at the sound of a groan, the ponies turning to see Big Mac’s head poking out of a pile of apples, the pony snorting and shaking his head.
“Ah Big McIntosh! The day is not lost after all! My dear fellow, would you be able to answer a few very detailed questions for us?”
“Eh… eeyup?” He answered uncertainly, his eyes darting to the other ponies present as Whooves smiled in delight.
“Excellent! Now I must warn you that I require the utmost detail! Now then… the alien came here while you were apple bucking?”
“Yup!”
“Started blasting everywhere while laughing maniacally?”
“Eeyup!”
“Applejack didn’t like that?”
“Nope.”
“Tired to fight it by herself?”
“Yup.”
“Didn’t go so well?”
“Eeeeeeeeeeenope.”
“Got blasted into that wagon?”
“Eeyup.”
“Didn’t go so well for you either?”
“Nope.”
“Last you saw him he was running back to the town’s outskirts?”
“Yup!”
“Excellent! Thank you for your assistance my good sir! That’s cleared everything up!” Said the Doctor, Lyra and Derpy joining Applejack in watching in stunned silence with widened eyes.
“Wow… it’s like a new form of communication!” The pegasus said in shock, her eyes sparkling in wonder.
Lyra meanwhile said nothing, having finally reached her limit of weirdness for the day as her eye twitched. Right now, she had never wanted some sugar more in her life.
“Right, thanks for the help Big Mac. One question though. You see I really need some sugar for Bonnie and was hoping I could borrow some from the barn? Then I’ll be out of your way so you can all handle this!” The unicorn said, praying she could leave the madness and escape back home to her loving marefriend.
“Eenope.” The stallion replied, the unicorn’s eye somehow twitching even more violently as she sighed in annoyance.
“The alien took it all didn’t he.” She stated, her horn sparkling with magic as Derpy tilted her head curiously.
“Eeyup.” Answered Big Mac, Applejack nodding along with him before going into silent grumbling, Lyra now trying very hard not to become the first pony to explode from utter frustration while Whooves turned to face his pegasus companion.
“Derpy. Do you remember where you found Beep’s ship? Based on what Big McIntosh witnessed, I believe he’s heading back there right now! If we hurry we should be able to catch him!” Whooves explained, Derpy blinking before smiling wide.
“Oh sure thing Doc! That’s easy! I can take you all there right now! Come on!” She said, quickly flying away as Whooves smiled in pride before turning towards the Apples.
“I wouldn’t want to impose any more than I have already. But I would really appreciate some extra help dealing with Beep. I should be able to reverse Applejack’s muteness once I get my hooves on his blaster too. So… are you in?” He asked, the two siblings looking at each other before nodding in agreement.
“Eeyup!” He replied, Applejack grabbing her lasso, adjusting her hat before narrowing her eyes in anger.
“Haha! Excellent! Let’s be off then! Come along Apples!” He cried, dashing after Derpy with the two of them in tow, Lyra blinking as the sound of trotting broke her from her furious thoughts.
“Hey wait up! I’m coming too! That alien owes me!” She cried, trailing behind the group as they ran through the orchard.
—
It didn’t take long for them to reach the crashed ship, the clumsy pegasus surprisingly not misleading them even once, her sense of direction clearly not one of her weak points. It probably helped that even somepony as scatterbrained as Derpy would remember where she saw a featureless black orb crashed into the ground along with its surrounding crater.
“Wow, whoever designed this thing had a lack of imagination…” Commented Lyra, fighting the urge to go down and poke it with her hoof, every instinct reminding her of how unsafe it was likely to be.
“Here we are Doc! See, I told you all I knew the way!” The pegasus expressed in pride, the other ponies looking around carefully, the lack of destruction seeming to suggest that they had arrived before the Meep.
“Wonderful work Derpy! I knew you could do it!” Said the Doctor, Derpy blushing and smiling from his words before he lost himself in thought. “Have to say this is a little closer to Ponyville than I expected.. actually, hang on a moment… isn’t this part of-”
“HAHAHAHAHA! So you have arrived at last Doctor!” A high pitched voice rang out, Beep smirking evilly as he dropped down from one of the nearby trees, weapon ready. “You do know how to keep someone waiting, don’t you?”
“Beep! I’ve seen you’ve been busy.” Responded Whooves, Applejack and Big Mac narrowing their eyes at the creature, Derpy trying her best to look like she was ready to fight while Lyra’s horn shined with gathering magic. “The kind of busy that’s going to get you in trouble with a lot of powerful ponies!”
“Bah! The great Beep has nothing to fear from these pastel coloured horses! I will be gone from this world soon regardless!” Boasted the Meep, walking towards his ship and opening a hatch, revealing all the sugar that was stashed inside.
”You fiend!” Lyra cried, the unicorn grinding her teeth in fury as Applejack held her back from charging in blindy. “You’ve messed with the wrong unicorn Beep! When I get there... I’ll... I’ll... put your bones in a box!”
”How quaint!” Beep laughed, firing a warning shot at the ground in front of the ponies, the force sending them skidding back. “But you will find it is Beep who will have the last laugh! The excess fuel of my ship's takeoff will utterly annihilate this puny town! A fitting revenge for my past defeats!”
”I can’t let you do that Beep.” Whooves said, stepping forward with a scowl, Big Mac similarly giving a “Yep!” of agreement. “I’m giving you one chance Beep. It’s easy to rewire your ship's systems to avoid any destruction! Please, leave peacefully and no harm-“
”Lala! Can’t hear you! Too busy being evil!” The alien laughed, putting the finishing touches on his craft while Whooves sighed to himself.
”I tried right? Everypony agree on that? We agree that we tried to avoi-“
“LET ME SMASH HIS FACE IN ALREADY!” Screamed Lyra.
”Oh very well... Applejack. If you may?” Asked the Doctor, Applejack nodded with a smile as she spun her lasso and threw it at the alien, wrapping around his spherical body before he was violently pulled towards the group.
“WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! UNHAND ME AT ONCE!” Screeched Beep, cutting though the rope with his claw before pointing his blaster at his attacker.
It was then that Big Mac charged into him full force.
“OOF! YOU DARE STRIKE-” He didn’t even get to finish his threat this time, shrieking as Lyra caught him in her magic and slammed him into the ground. Whooves simply blinked as he took in the manic melee unfolding in front of him, casually sidestepping to avoid being hit by the unicorn who had been sent flying from Beep’s blaster.
“I really should be concerned that I keep such violent company…” He muttered to himself, watching Derpy attempted to dive bomb the Meep before missing completely and slamming into Big Mac’s side.
”I’m not complaining!” A voice rang out from behind him, Whooves turning with a start to see Discord floating and munching on some popcorn as he watched the ensuing mayhem. “This is the best entertainment I’ve had all week!”
His appearance seemed to freeze the conflict, everypony pausing to stare at the draconequus, unsure just what to say at the sight.
”What in the name of Peladon’s suns is that!?” Beep broke the silence first, firing a shot at Discord who frowned as it harmlessly bounced off him.
“Oh, pretend I’m not here! I’m just enjoying the pure unadulterated chaos!” Discord grinned, eating another handful of popcorn, the peace of the fight broken by Lyra suddenly punching the alien in the face.
”THAT'S FOR MY SUGAR!”
The brawl resumed afterwards, the Meep shrieking curses as he attempted to blast the attacking ponies, every shot missing as Applejack bucked him into a tree.
”You could help, you know.” Whooves commented, the floating draconequus looking offended at the mere suggestion.
”Me? Help? Where’s your sense of drama!? That would ruin all the fun!”
“Oh well. Worth a shot.” Commented the Doctor, wondering if he should perhaps lend a hoof or disarm the spaceship, slowly trotting towards it before a deafening shout filled the air.
“What is going on over here!?” Shouted an extremely peeved Fluttershy, her eyes narrowed in uncharacteristic rage that caused Discord to vanish as quickly as he appeared. She glared down from the ledge, carefully stepping down alongside the panicked animals, her presence freezing the combat for a second time.
“HAHA! FOOLS!” Cried Beep, not willing to let another opportunity pass him by as he sprung up and kicked Big Mac in the face before running to his ship. “Focusing on the insignificant winged horse will be your undoing! They have sealed the fate of this world! Soon your town will know fiery-“
He froze as Fluttershy dropped in front of him, blocking the path to his ship as her piercing stare became solely focused on him.
“First I hear that the ferret section of the sanctuary got damaged overnight. Then I have frightened animals all over telling me that Ponyville is being attacked. But right when I was about to help, I then heard that you have not only come back to my sanctuary, BUT STARTED FIGHTING IN IT!”
”Ah ha! I knew this place was familiar! He crashed in the animal sanctuary!” Whooves shouted before being silenced by the expressions of his companions that demanded he stopped pointing out the obvious.
”What... what is this power!? H-how are you doing this!? FREE ME AT ONCE!” Screeched Meep, shakily pointing his blaster at the pegasus before recoiling back as her stare evolved into an even harsher glare.
“Don’t you dare point that thing at me mister! Do you know how much of a mess you’ve made!? You make Angel look like he’s as neat as Twilight! And what is it I heard about you trying to destroy the town!?” Raged Fluttershy, the bunny on her shoulder nodding smuggly.
”Y-you think you scare me!? I am Beep! Destroyer of countless galaxies! I-I will not be defeated by-“ He stammered out, unable to react in time as Fluttershy snatched the blaster with her wing.
”That's it! You’re coming with me right now! You’re having the mother of all time outs until you learn how to behave! Then you're going to help the nice ponies clean up your mess!”
”What!? B-but what about my revenge on the-“
”Is that clear!?” She asked coldy, her glare hitting the alien full force as he screamed like he had been shot.
”YES! I GIVE IN! I GIVE IN! I SURRENDER! J-JUST STOP WITH THE GLARE!” He begged, falling onto his back as it finally subsided, leaving him collapsed and drained of his will and strength.
”There we go.” Fluttershy said with a warm smile. “That wasn’t so hard now was it?”
She trotted away from the drained Beep, blushing when she saw the flabbergasted group of ponies staring at her in awe. “O-oh dear... I hope I wasn’t too hard on the poor thing...”
Her words seemed to jolt the Doctor back to reality, his eyes widening as he stammered. “Oh... uh... I don’t think you need to worry dear Fluttershy! I say you took care of the issue most efficiently!”
”You were amazing!” Added Derpy, raising her hooves upwards with a grin as Fluttershy hid behind her mane.
”Remind me to never get on your bad site...” Muttered Lyra, her face still frozen in shock as Big Mac shuddered next to her.
”Eeeyup.”
“So... what are you going to do with him?” Asked the Doctor, trotting over to the Meep’s ship and disarming the systems with a simple wave of his Sonic Screwdriver.
“Oh he probably just needs some time to think about what he’s done.” Replied Fluttershy with a smile. “I’m sure deep down, he’s just misunderstood.”
”I WILL REDUCE YOU ALL TO ATOMS WHILE YOU SLEEP!” Screeched the alien as Angel grabbed him by the ear and began to drag him away.
”If not, there’s always Tartarus.” Suggested Lyra with a smirk.
”Perhaps.” Fluttershy giggled. “Every creature works best in their own special way. Whatever it is, I’m sure I can handle it. I probably should help settle him in for now. Nice seeing you everypony! You too Applejack!”
The earth pony nodded happily, Fluttershy's acknowledgement of her reminding Whooves of one of the many things he had to clean up. “Oh just before you go Fluttershy! Could you perhaps lend me that blaster? I need it to help clean up the damage back at Ponyville.”
”Oh of course! Here you go, Doctor.” Fluttershy said with a kind smile, passing the weapon to the stallion before turning and departing with the animals, Beep screaming all the way.
”CURSE YOU YELLOW HORSE! I SWEAR THIS IS NOT THE END DOCTOR! I WILL ADMIT DEFEAT THIS TIME! BUT YOU HAVE NOT HEARD THE LAST OF ME! BEEP THE MEEP WILL HAVE HIS REVENGE!” Screamed the alien as he was pulled out of sight, leaving the group together as they processed what just happened.
“You know. So many of my past adventures could have been solved a lot faster if I just had ponies like you around.” The Doctor said with a fond smile.
—
“Well, all’s well that ends well right?” Asked Derpy as the group trotted back into Ponyville, the various citizens groggily recovering from the earlier mixtape attack.
“Quite right Derpy! I have to say it’s quite exciting to have an adventure again! Although I certainly enjoy the quiet more these days though…” Said Whooves, before turning to his companion. “But if you ever find a spaceship again… please check with me before you do anything…”
“You got it Doc!”
“I can’t believe we weren’t allowed to go near the spaceship after all that!” Complained Lyra. “I know Canterlot has divisions that will want to have a look at it, but still! After everything I didn’t even get a single bit of sugar!”
“I wouldn’t be so sure, Miss Heartstrings.” The Doctor said, smiling as he pulled two large bottles of sugar from his pocket, the unicorn’s mouth falling open at the sight. “I had a little time to swipe some from the scene before we had to depart. Wouldn’t want you to go empty hooved after everything you’ve been through!”
“My gosh, thank you Doc!” Lyra shouted in joy, moving the bottles towards her with her magic. “You know, spending the morning with somepony chasing an alien really makes you appreciate them way more.”
“Well said!” Derpy commented, before frowning and looking down sadly. “I never got my muffin though…”
“Don’t worry Derpy! How about we go out for one now! My treat.” Whooves’s smile grew even wider at the pegasus’s happy squee, the mare dropping to the ground and nuzzling him gratefully.
It was a nice moment, although it was ruined by the sound of Big Mac clearing his throat and pointing towards Applejack, who glared at him impatiently.
“Oh of course! I am guessing that you want me to unmute your sister now so you can head back to work!”
“Yup.” Answered Big Mac, Applejack nodding along with him as Whooves changed the settings on the blaster and fired, engulfing the pony in an orange aura.
“Yeehaw! Finally! I haven’t been that quiet since that game of intense hide n’ sneak with Applebloom!” She exclaimed, relishing every sound she was able to make as Whooves disarmed the weapon with his screwdriver.
“Well! That’s that then! Come along Derpy! Let’s have that… muffin…” Whooves trailed off, only now noticing the large shadow that was beginning to fall over the town. Slowly he looked up, following the lead of everypony else as they looked up at the large spinning saucer that had appeared above them.
“That… ain’t good… is it Doc?” Asked Applejack, Derpy smiling as she spun her head in sync with the spinning craft.
“M-maybe they're friendly this time!” Suggested Lyra in a slight panic, before gasping as another idea occurred to her. “Oh my Celestia, what if it’s humans!? Like actual humans this time! Have they finally come back here!? I’ve waited for this day all my life! Oh stay calm Lyra! Stay calm! J-just hide the books from them and they’ll think you’re a totally normal unicorn!”
“I’m afraid it certainly is not Applejack.” Answered the Doctor, who was about to continue before he processed Lyra’s words. “Seriously Miss Heartstrings, how do you know about humans?”
“Since I know the truth!” She stated as if it was obvious before her eyes widened even further. “WAIT! Do you know something? Do you know about humans? Has there been a source of human knowledge in Ponyville this whole time!?” She gushed, Whooves realising he had made a great mistake mentioning this in Lyra’s presence.
Luckily that conversation was postponed for now, electronic sounds echoing through the streets as three blue lights beamed down from the ship, the ponies vaguely able to see several shapes starting to materialise within. When the light cleared, the ponies stood face to face with a small group of strange machine-like creatures, although they possessed no clear features, their appendages moving wildly as the spikes on their heads began to glow.
"After many centuries, we finally have found you Doctor! At long last, we will extract our glorious revenge in the name of our former masters! Today the Dominators shall be avenged! And the reign of the Quarks will begin!"
Silence filled Ponyville, not a single pony saying a word as they stared in shock at the small robots.
Said silence was broken by Lyra who blinked, smirked, and leaned towards the group to mutter. “Wow, kinky.”
Whooves meanwhile simply flinched, watching as the invaders prepared their weapons, simply saying the first thing that came to mind, only hoping he would be able to think of something better soon.
“Alright, here's the plan everypony. When I say run… run!”
One thing was for sure. It really was going to be one of those days for him.
Author's Note
If there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I know way too much about Doctor Who. To the point where Whooves existence was one of the very few things I knew about MLP before I started watching it.
Now anyone sane will likely be wondering who Beep the Meep even is. He's a villain from the UK Doctor Who Magazine that debuted in the 70s and has since gone on to appear in more comics and even audios.
And he may have been sighted in the recent filming.
I am not joking.
That news was the spark that inspired this fic and it is one of the most enjoyable writing experiences of my life, thanks to including a bunch of top tier characters and chaos. Thank you again to my close friend for making this readable and dealing with my pure insanity. Hope everypony enjoys!
