Laments of the Dimension-Stranded

"That's... absurd." Rainbow Dash couldn't conceive a more accurate word to describe her feelings.

Vincent had partially refueled one of the abandoned vehicles in the parking lot of the auto repair shop and had jump started it by connecting its battery and the Volga GAZ-24's battery with crocodile clips. Now that the abandoned car in the parking lot was running, Vincent had connected its battery to the Inexorable's battery after transferring the GAZ-24's spark plugs to his truck.

Rainbow had helped shove the titanic vehicle out of the auto repair shop. The truck was exceptionally heavy and difficult to move, even when it was in neutral.

Vincent's plan to get the Inexorable running was ridiculous, imprudent... ingenious. Vincent was anything but incompetent. The man knew how to improvise.

Vincent depressed the abandoned car's accelerator, revving the engine. It was in park, so the car lied immobile throughout the entire process. "If it's stupid but it works, it ain't stupid!

"Key's in the ignition, Dash! Go try to start the truck."

Obediently, Rainbow trotted to the rear of the Inexorable, circling around to the left side. She reared onto her rear legs and leapt up onto the driver's seat, sitting back on her haunches.

Rainbow had thought normal vehicles weren't conventionally-sized. The Inexorable was an entirely unique breed. Its proportions were ludicrous. The step for climbing into the driver's seat was so high off of the ground, Rainbow preferred jumping into the seat itself.

Rainbow reached with a hoof beneath the Inexorable's steering wheel and rotated the key in the ignition. The engine sputtered unresponsively momentarily before erupting with a furious roar that made Rainbow jump. "Celestia...!" The truck's engine was vibrating so aggressively she could feel her body gently quivering. The vehicle's barely-restrained power was blatent.

Vincent cackled, jumping out of the abandoned car and pumping his left arm into the air in victory. "It's alive!"

Rainbow grinned at Vincent's enthusiasm, leaping out of the Inexorable's driver's seat and onto the pavement below. "What now?"

"Few more examinations I gotta do, then we kiss this place goodbye, that's what! Hope you got your bags packed, Dash, 'cause we're goin' on a road trip."

While Vincent performed maintenance on the Inexorable, Rainbow trotted around inside the auto repair shop one final time. She considered if there was anything she had forgotten to pack. Not coming to any conclusions, she shrugged.

When Vincent emerged from beneath the Inexorable, his white shirt and hands were splattered with black oil and possibly gasoline. Rainbow shuddered. "What the heck were you doing under there?"

"Good news! Fuel lines are fine. Pressure regulator's A-OK, too. Checked earlier." He made an "OK" sign with one hand.

Not understanding, Rainbow shrugged. "So, are we good? Can we go?"

"Dash, as a professional, I say this with the upmost confidence: no fucking idea. There's a million parts that go into making a car run. Cross your fingers and hope nothing fails."

Vincent wiped his hands off on a rag and unclamped the crocodile clips from the Inexorable's car battery, tossing them haphazardly away, their purpose fulfilled. He slammed the hood shut and jogged towards the auto repair shop's emergency exit.

Rainbow approached the Inexorable's right side, viewing the vehicle for a moment. The massive truck was truly a sight to behold. Vincent had polished its gorgeous lemon yellow body. The wide all-terrain tires had a special, complicated pattern of grooves. Scarlet shocks were plainly visible.

The truck was packed with supplies to sustain them on their long journey. Vincent and Rainbow had crammed the vehicle with practically everything that hadn't been nailed down in the auto repair shop like eager kleptomaniacs.

Rainbow reared onto her rear legs and leapt up into the Inexorable's passenger seat, sitting back on her haunches and shutting her door. She waited patiently for Vincent, tapping her hooves against the dashboard and creating a little rhythm.

When Vincent returned and climbed into the Inexorable's driver's seat, she noticed he wore new clothes. His wiry frame made the scavenged yellow-greenish military uniform and combat helmet he donned appear heavy, slightly baggy and uncomfortable, not to mention it was macabre to wear the clothes of a soldier he had killed. The clothing had more pockets and was tougher, providing more protection, though. That was indisputable.

Rainbow didn't comment.

She exchanged a giddy glance with Vincent. She shared his excitement. The very concept of making progress towards escaping Nowhere and returning home was exhilarating.

Her gaze drifted low to his neck, and she spotted two rectangular flat sheets of metal displaying stamped text.

"Are those your...?"

Vincent reached with his left hand, brushing his fingers against his dog tags. "Yep. These are my ol' tags when I was still in the military. Kept 'em. Wearin' this gear is givin' me flashbacks. Used to wanna forget about that time of my life, but... I wanna make my old man proud, y'know?"

Rainbow considered what had been said. "You said your dad passed away when you were younger. Do you... think he's watching you?"

Vincent sighed dreamily. "Maybe. I ain't into religion, Dash. Never was. I don't know what you think happens after death, but I wanna believe they're backing me up, y'know? My old man. People I used to serve with. Everyone."

Rainbow smiled, leaning back in her seat and gazing out through the windshield. Fortunately, unlike the old Volga, the Inexorable had adjustable seats. After adjusting the passenger seat to its maximum elevation, she could comfortably see through the windshield to the ground below.

"How's your shoulder?"

"Pulled the bullet out and stitched myself up rightly last night after you fell asleep. Honestly? Aches like a fucker. Will for a while. Bullet only grazed the bone, didn't penetrate—I'll survive, Dash. Can still drive."

Rainbow changed the subject a final time. "Why'd you bring the plant?" She was referencing the small potted flower near the gearshift. Heart-shaped leaves, heart-shaped petals. It had originally been in the Volga GAZ-24.

"It's... weird. I used to have one in my car years ago when I first came to Nowhere. Found another one on the counter in the workshop, and we found another one in that car yesterday." Vincent pointed to the GAZ-24. "Figure I'm lucky to have found three in my life. They're a pretty rare Earth plant."

Rainbow shifted her weight in the carseat. "Are you sure this thing will have enough traction in the grass? There's no roads."

"Oh, McFly," Vincent grinned, "where we're going, we don't need roads.

"Anyway, we gotta get movin' before the battery runs outta juice." Vincent withdrew an unrecognizable device from one of the pockets of his pants and presented it.

Rainbow accepted the offered device with a hoof, frowning in uncertainty. The intricate device was small, approximately the size of a large apple, and was rectangular with tiny buttons and a flat, smooth black screen. "What... is this?"

"Whoever used to own that iPod spared no expense to play music at work. That thing has a helluva memory, it's got a few hundred songs. Haven't been able to charge it for years, but now with the truck..." Vincent plucked the iPod from Rainbow's hoof and inserted a cord into the device's receiving port, then inserted the opposite end of the cord into a port in the Inexorable's dashboard.

Vincent tapped his fingers impatiently. When the iPod had charged enough to begin functioning normally, its screen lit up white and displayed a list of colorful boxes and lines of small—yet legible—text.

Vincent scrolled through the list rapidly as if he knew precisely what he was searching for before selecting an option by tapping the small square with his thumb.

Rainbow once again marveled at the complexity and ingenuity of human technology. The device was apparently designed to receive input from the tapping of human fingers on the sensitive screen and translate it to movement on the display. It was truly fascinating and incomprehensible.

Rainbow squinted, struggling to read what option Vincent had selected from the list displayed on the iPod's screen. "What's 'Thin Lizzy'?"

"Shh," Vincent ordered her, extending a hand and pointing a finger upwards. He returned his left hand to the steering wheel, placing his right hand on the gearshift and shifting the Inexorable into reverse. He rotated the steering wheel and reversed the Inexorable so its magnificent lemon hood was pointing directly north. He shifted into drive.

A riff of harsh, grating electric guitars sounded loudly through the Inexorable's sound system, making Rainbow wince. "Celestia, that's loud...!"

For the first few seconds, the noise was tolorable. Then the rhythmic drums kicked into gear. A squealing high note on the electric guitars made Rainbow's ears lie back.

"Felt a chill on my backbone," Vincent sung along with the male vocalist, resting his boot lightly over the truck's accelerator pedal. "Hung up the telephone."

Vincent slammed the gas and the Inexorable's tires screeched harshly against the pavement before eventually catching and launching the truck across the parking lot at a ludicrous speed.

Rainbow yelped and clutched her seat in horror. "Vincent! Too fast! Too fast!"

The truck rocketed off of the pavement and landed onto the ramp with a thump, accelerating the entire way down like they were descending the apex of the world's fastest roller coaster.

Vincent whooped and hollered insanely, tilting his head back. "Stone cold sweat runnin' down the back of my neck!" He sang along happily.

When the Inexorable struck the hill at the base of the ramp, it launched upwards, sailing through the air before colliding with the ground with a deafening crash. The truck rattled loudly, but the superior suspension absorbed the force of the impact effortlessly. Rainbow was launched upwards and struck her head hard against the Inexorable's solid metal roof. She groaned in pain.

"Cold, cold sweat!" Vincent chanted, flicking the steering wheel right briefly before clamping the wheel at 5 o'clock and whipping it to the left as far as it could rotate. He performed an effortless 180 degree turn, flicking the steering wheel to the right immediately to straighten their trajectory and assure the truck didn't fishtail.

Rainbow was flung against the passenger's door by centrifugal force, her muzzle mashing against the glass of the window. She groaned, disoriented.

They tore south, going hell-for-leather at a sheer velocity that would make a professional Formula One racer faint. A massive cloud of dust billowed behind them. The truck's wide tires flung up dirt and pebbles, practically creating grooves in the earth like carriage wheels in fresh mud.

"Cold, cold sweat!"

A meritorious electric guitar solo consisting of incomprehensibly-rapid pitch shifts blared from the Inexorable's sound system. It sounded like it was building up to something...

The Inexorable's powerful V8 engine growled in tune with the legendary solo as Vincent tapped the accelerator. The truck zoomed over another hill and sailed through the air as electric guitars wailed high notes that screeched magnificently. Vincent howled.

"Stone cold crazy, place another bet!"

The song concluded with a rhymic pounding of drums. Vincent cackled madly.

Rainbow panted gently, out of breath. "Slow down! Please!"

Vincent grinned, tapping lightly on the brake. The Inexorable decelerated responsively until they were crusing at about 40 mph.

Gentle chuckles originating from Rainbow evolved into laughs. The adrenaline swamping her system caused by the stressful situation was invigorating. That song had been incredible, despite her initial terror. Rainbow was a daredevil. Now that her expectations had been calculated, she wanted Vincent to accelerate and push the truck to its absolute limits.

"That was awesome!"

"'One Night Only' is a great album." Vincent effortlessly steered with one hand and swiped through the list of songs on the iPod with the other. He made a selection and set the music player down.

Guitars screeched briefly in the intro before the main melody quickly faded in.

"Told me don't go walkin' slow, devil's on the loose!" Vincent sang along. "Better run through the jungle!"

Vincent expertly weaved the truck between trees and over humps in the earth. They passed a jagged spike of rock protruding from the ground. Rainbow looked out through the passenger window at the crater lake as they passed.

She winced slightly as she heard the line "two hundred million guns". She wondered if the singer was exaggerating. With her current understanding of humans, Rainbow estimated he wasn't.

"Satan cries 'take aim!' Better run through the jungle!" Vincent chanted, tapping his hand against the steering wheel.

The song grew fainter as it concluded. Vincent sighed, chuckling. He gazed through the windshield, focused where he was driving.

"My dad listened to CCR when he was in Vietnam."

"Is that... a place? Country?" Rainbow estimated.

"Country," Vincent clarifed. "Beaches. Rivers. Mountains. Jungle.

"Wanna visit the Acid Swamp? It's a bit of a detour to the west, but it's basically on the way."

Rainbow nodded enthusiastically.

"So, what other songs you got on there?"

"Dunno." Vincent lifted the iPod where it was resting near the gearshift and swiped through the song list. Taking notice of a particular title, he smirked, making the selection and setting the iPod down again.

An electric guitar was gently strummed six times, followed by two taps of drum sticks on cymbols, followed by the main melody.

"Back in black, I hit the sack!" Vincent sang along, tapping his left hand against the steering wheel. "Forget the hearse 'cause I'll never die!"

The male vocalist had an abnormally raspy voice that Vincent couldn't hope to match, but he compensated with enthusiasm.

"'Cause I'm back! Yes I'm back! Baa - aa - aa - aa - aack, baa - aa - aa - aa - aack!"

Finally getting into the swing of things, Rainbow joined in with Vincent for the final "back in black" before the brief respite.

The song featured another guitar solo. It wasn't quite as legendary as the first song, but it was undeniably catchy. Rainbow tapped her hooves against her seat to the beat. Vincent nodded his head energetically with the rhythm.

When the song concluded, irrepressible laugher filled the driver's compartment of the truck. Rainbow giggled uproariously, brushing a lock of rainbow mane away from her eyes. "I can't breathe...!"

Vincent grinned, tapping lightly on the brake pedal as they approached their destination. With a harsh grinding of wheels against earth, the Inexorable decelerated and came to a stop near a cliff. "We're here. Just don't get too close to the edge, alright?"

"Already? Wow, felt like that was just a couple minutes..." Rainbow beamed. "That was fun. Almost felt like I was flying again for a minute." She opened the passenger side door and shoved it outwards, leaping out of the truck to the ground below.

The first abnormal quality of the surrounding area Rainbow noticed was the jet-black rock ringing the cliff edge.

She approached the precipice cautiously to assure she didn't slip, her mouth dropping agape when she saw beyond the edge.

It was an enormous effervescent ocean of opaque, vivid-green sludge extending as far and wide as Rainbow could see. Large bubbles inflated, engorged and burst on the surface, belching toxic black gas into the atmosphere.

"So that's where the smoke was coming from."

Curious, Rainbow proposed and immediately sought to prove a theory. She grabbed a nearby rock in a hoof and tossed it over the edge.

The infernal guck absorbed the rock hungrily, belching black smoke. It spat furiously, emitting small bursts of hot green glop like hissing bacon frying on a pan.

"Can't say anything like this exists in Equestria..."

Vincent slammed the driver's-side door of the Inexorable, approaching Rainbow from the rear. "Nothing like this on Earth, neither. It's fuckin' gross, huh?"

"It's... almost alive." Rainbow shivered. For a moment she wondered if it was a gigantic single organism. "I hate the way it foams like boiling water over pasta."

"Imagine falling into that on your back and just being absorbed into the goo." Vincent grinned.

Rainbow shuddered, horrified.

She noted how the jet-black rock ringed the edge of the Acid Swamp. Rainbow wasn't a geological expert like Pinkie Pie's family, but even she could recognize the rock wasn't Equestrian. It was capable of resisting the corrosive properties of the sludge and containing it.

The Acid Swamp was therefore, by extension, a titanic glob of sludge contained by a massive bowl of obsidian-like rock. It was, perhaps, the universe's largest and most revolting bowl of Jell-O gelatin dessert.

Rainbow felt the urge to stretch her wings and take flight to witness the Acid Swamp from above and other, alternative angles. She was curious how large it truly was. Seeing it from the ground didn't truly represent it fairly.

Her clipped wings still weren't capable of lifting her off of the ground, though. Frustrated, Rainbow extended her wings and flapped them powerfully, rousing gusts of air. A single clipped blue feather released from one of her wings and floated on a gentle breeze off of the precipice and into the Acid Swamp below. The delicate feather was absorbed by the tide and disintegrated instantly.

"It's got a taste for you now." Vincent chuckled. "Better watch out. Some tentacles are gonna wrap around ya in the night and drag you back to the ooze."

Rainbow grimaced. "Don't even suggest it. If that thing started sprouting tentacles, I'd... cry." She chuckled at her own exaggeration.

"Trust me, I've seen enough hentai and manga to know exactly how that goes."

Rainbow blinked, considering what had been said. Her face wrinkled in disgust and she raised an eyebrow, tilting her head backwards to gaze up at her companion. "Does that mean what I think it means...?"

"Jein..." Vincent held his arms skyward in a mock-surrender gesture.

Vincent drove his magnificent lemon truck southward until they hit a literal and metaphorical wall.

It was a giant mountain, a steep wall of rock that blocked their path. Rainbow could easily fly over such an obstacle, but, tragically, without wings, she was forced to resort to remain seated in the Inexorable as Vincent guided it slowly northwest in an attempt to circumvent the giant hill. They drove for hours, searching for a break in the infinite rock wall until the dual suns of Nowhere began dipping below the horizon. Finding no valley or natural path upwards, Vincent had called it a day and parked the truck beneath an old pine tree.

"I wish I had a camera. I don't know if my friends will believe me when I tell them all the crazy stuff that's happened to me here."

Vincent chuckled dryly. "Think about it, Dash. If someone approached you and told you everything that's happened to you, would you believe them? Or would you think they were crazy and dismiss it?

"I don't wanna burst your bubble, but I'm startin' to think this is less of an escape attempt from Nowhere and more of an excuse for you and me to have an adventure."

Rainbow remained silent, not responding. She shivered, scooting closer to their improvised firepit. It was no more than a bundle of twigs set alight, but it emitted pleasant warmth. "It's cold tonight, isn't it?"

Vincent leaned against the pine tree, puffing a cigarette and exhaling smoke. "Little bit. I'm wearing two layers of clothes, though. You're completely naked. Maybe put on some pants or something?"

"I mean... you're right," Rainbow relented. "But it's summer, isn't it? It was so hot earlier today. Something's wrong."

Vincent withdrew the cigarette from his mouth and tapped it lightly with his index finger, discarding ashes. "Fuck All Nowhere's wrong, Dash. Whole place is wrong. It could start snowing right now and I wouldn't bat an eye. Logic and reasoning just don't apply here."

Rainbow considered responding before realizing Vincent had spoken wisely. She huddled near the fire and rubbed her extremities, fluttering her wings as she shivered.

"You look like a dying butterfly." Vincent chuckled.

"Shut up! It's not funny."

"I got blankets in the truck if you—"

A gust of chilling air suddenly blew over Rainbow's body and extinguished their fire. She blinked, shocked. "What the heck was that?"

Vincent looked equally disturbed. The cherry of his cigarette had been extinguished. He rolled his thumb over his lighter's metal wheel to summon sparks and ignited his cigarette once again, puffing.

Several seconds passed. The air was still. Rainbow stood up, crushing dead pine needles beneath her hooves on the forest floor. She had the audacity to believe the weather had subsided.

Another blast of chilly air struck her. Strands of her multicolored mane blew into her face. She grunted in frustration, reaching with a hoof to clear the strands of hair from her face.

The air was coming from the south. That didn't make sense. She and Vincent had specifically chosen their current spot to camp because it was beneath the southern rock wall. Vincent had explicitly stated the wall would serve as a natural wind break.

Rainbow began to walk, then accelerated to a trot.

"Hey, wait!" Vincent immediately moved to physically stop her, but Rainbow jerked away from the hand he had extended, trotting. She had a suspicion within her that something wasn't right.

"Where are you going?" Vincent demanded, withdrawing a flashlight from one of the pockets in his pants and flicking it on, pointing the beam of light in Rainbow's direction.

That's when she saw it. They both saw it simultaneously. Nestled beneath the tall, flat southern rock wall was the wide, jet-black mouth of a cave with teeth of jagged, pointed rock. Another wave of chilly air confirmed Rainbow's suspicions: there was something magical inside of the cave that was expelling the cold air.

"There's something in there," Rainbow affirmed.

Vincent was silent for a moment. He stepped alongside Rainbow and shined the white beam of light from the flashlight around the rim of the cave mouth. It was so dark beneath the shelter of the southern rock wall that the cave was barely visible. "Is it the same feeling you felt during the last Migration?"

Rainbow immediately shook her head. "No, that was more... I dunno, palpable. We're not as far south as we need to go, yet. Something living inside this cave is just a gut feeling I have. I think it's magical."

"'Magical'?" Vincent echoed, raising an eyebrow. He deactivated the flashlight to preserve its battery life. "Dash, I dunno how to tell you this without breakin' your heart, but we're not gonna find Frosty the Snowman in there."

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Get me a scarf or something! We're going in there. Got anything smart to say 'bout that?"

"Roger! No ma'am!" Vincent snapped a quick, elegant salute and jogged over to where he had parked the Inexorable.