A Cheery Household Herd

“...Seriously, Moon?” Pale asked with a concerned tone, “I thought you started to feel better ever since you reconnected with Princess Twilight?”

“Of course I did, but come on…” Moondancer sighed, “She’s the princess of not only friendship, but all of Equestria now. Even though she lives much closer to me, I feel like we’ve drifted further apart. Unfortunately, there’s not much I can do about that since her work is pretty important. We see each other when we can but…” she stopped and sighed once more. “...It’s not enough, to be honest.”

“I see…” Pale replied as he took a seat next to her on the couch. “Well to be honest, I’m not exactly the most knowledgeable on her affairs. Why did you send for me exactly?”

Moondancer sat upright and continued, “Because I have another problem. I just…have this gaping sense of lonesomeness in my heart because I feel like I’ve wasted most of my life as a research-obsessed shut-in. I’ve…always wanted to feel what it was like to have a relationship but I guess I was so shy about it that I never bothered to try…”

“Ouch…” Pale replied. “I can understand that. For me, I didn’t initially think I wanted something like that either, but it wasn’t until I met Cheerilee that--”

“Exactly,” Moondancer groaned, “She was lucky enough to find the stallion of her dreams while I just…didn’t even bother. Doesn’t help that the population of stallions compared to mares is sorta lacking, so I ended up losing on that end too. Just not enough of them to go around, you know?”

While Pale understood this, he still wanted a more direct answer. “So…you want me because--?”

“I’m looking to study what makes you so desirable,” Moondancer explained as she pushed up her glasses, “I’m merely interested in your hormones, bodily functions, and genitalia to see what makes an apex stallion and how I can possibly find one for myself in the future. As is…I’ve got nothing to go off of.”

Pale nearly choked on his own saliva. “Pbthg--what? You deem me as an ‘apex’ stallion? Is that a joke, because I am far from perfect. You know that, right?”

“Of course I do. Nobody’s character is perfect, but that’s not what I’m referring to,” she used her magic to levitate various tape measures and other devices to measure his body. “I’m talking solely about your internal organs and other functions. You seem to have a perfect build, great hormonal production, healthy organs, and a body that can generate as much blood as it needs whenever it wants,” she continued speaking while taking notes. “Your Earth Pony abilities are much more interesting than I initially gave them credit for back when we first met.”

“Ah! Hey watch the tail--!” Pale yelped as he felt his backside poked by what felt like a needle. “Wait, so you think I’m special enough to warrant use for future classifications?”

“Correct,” she replied, “That way, we can help other mares look for stallions with similar qualities to help bring our population numbers up. The healthier the guys are, the more foals we’ll have. And hopefully that includes more colts too.”

“Ohhh…” Pale muttered in realization, “You want to use me for research that’ll benefit everyone. Not just yourself. That’s pretty admirable of you, Moodancer.”

“...You think so, huh?” she moved her notepad down and looked at Pale. “You know this is gonna require me to extract semen samples from you, right?”

Pale cleared his throat and smiled. “...I see. Well, I suppose if there’s no other choice, then--”

“Oh quit the modest crap, you’re excited to get your rocks off because you’ve got a lot of pent-up horniness from spending 20 years in the detective field that you’re using multiple mares in a herd to satisfy,” she said while raising a brow and adjusting her glasses yet again, calling Pale out. “Am I not wrong?”

“Well…hey, you’re the one who asked for my help with this after all,” Pale danced around the question with a grin on his face, “I’m just…excited knowing that my cellular makeup will be used to help the entire pony race going forward.”

“Good,” Moondancer replied as she pushed up her glasses, “Just know that this is a completely professional procedure. Don’t go thinking I’m gonna join your herd or become your wife’s next submare or anything like that. This is entirely business. Don’t get it twisted.”

Pale chuckled and held his hooves up. “Alright, alright. I’m just making sure we have a proper mutual understanding of what’s going on between us here. Just a normal seminal extraction--as you casually do.”

“Hmph,” she huffed and got up from the couch, trotting towards another room. “Follow me.”

Pale got up and followed her to what looked like an infirmary.

Via magic, Moondancer traded her sweater for a doctor’s coat, and applied gloves to her hooves. “Lie down on this bed so I can begin the inspection.”

And Pale followed her orders, lying down on the medical bed. “Alright. Anything in particular you need me to do, Moon?”

“Nah, just hold still,” she replied as she wheeled a tray of tools over towards her position. “Do you do any drugs, sir?”

“...Aside from recreational ones via Tree Hugger’s brownies? No.”

“Ah…that could be one of the factors…” Moondancer muttered as she walked over to Pale’s body, and cleaned off one of his hooves before injecting him with a needle to take some of his blood. “And just how much do you work out? What’s your general diet consist of?”

He winced from the prick of the needle and continued speaking, “Ow--Hayburgers, poutine…oh! But I actually do a lot of strength training via meditation and weightlifting. Oh--and I recently took up wrestling thanks to Cheerilee’s vested interest in the sport--”

Moondancer stopped on a dime, turning her head to look at him over her shoulder with a wide-eyed, interested expression on her face. “...you what?”