The Crazy German Doctor ,The Hardcore American Soldier, The Russian and the Swordsman (times 2)!

by Edward_Richtofen

Rating: mature
Tags: Crossover, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Other, Queen Chrysalis, Adventure
Length: 1888

Teleportation gone wrong. And it wasn't Twilight this time.

RED Medic, Soldier, Heavy and Demoman tries out a Level 4 Teleporter prototype. It goes kapoot.
Samantha decides to take a break from getting revenge and decides to mess up the teleporter. While it activates with the 4 in it.
The 2 alicorn princesses' breakfast is interrupted.
Teleportation goes wrong, and this time it isn't Twilight's fault.

A bit of swearing and violence. All copyrighted stuff belong to their respective owners. My 1st so tell me any mistakes and I'll do my best to correct it.

Published 2012-10-03 13:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-03 13:40:01 UTC

Prologue

Ponyville

It was just going to be another day at Ponyville. Celestia raising the sun, Luna lowering the moon. Ponyville residents prepared for the day ahead. A certain egghead librarian waking up early and punctual to organise the town's only library, an all-time sugar-high earth pony began preparing ingredients for cupcakes, a hardworking farmer trots towards an apple orchard, an athletic rainbow-maned pegasus still sleeping, a kind a caring butter-yellow pony preparing food for her animals and a fashonista waking up for another burnt breakfast.

Books & Branches Library

*knock knock knock*

"Spike can you get the door?" A lavender unicorn asked as she slipped the last book called "Alternate Universes for Dummies" into the bookshelf.

"Sure Twi'!" Spike the baby replied enthusiasthically as he made his way over to the front door, "Welcome to Books and Bra- oh it's you Zecora! Why don't you come and I'll make you some tea, 'k?"

"Tea will be appreciated indeed," Zecora spoke in her usual accent and rhyme, "you are such a wonderful assistant, who has done many a good deed."

"Thanks!" Spike thanked as he strode twards the kitchen, "Twilight! Zecora's here!"

Clopping can be heard upstairs as Twilight trotted down.

"Hello Zecora!" Twilight greeted as Spike came back with cups and a teapot, "What can I do for you?"

"Thank you for the tea," Zecora said as Spike started pouring some for the 2 mares, "I need a special plant, actually."

Zecora Passed Twilight a picture of a blood red flower

"I need this to make a new cure for the Poison Joke," Zecora said as she finished her tea, "you can find it in a clearing near my hut. Goodbye for now, you kind pony folk."

Twilight waved goodbye as Zecora made her way home.

Another ordinary day.Or so they thought.

Canterlot Castle

"Well," a dark blue alicorn said in a fairly happy demeanor, "the moon has been lowered and morning rituals are done. Care to join us for breakfast 'Tia dear sister?"

"Of course I would," Celestia replied in a motherly tone, "say Luna, your modern tongue is improving!"

"Thanks 'Tia," Luna giggled as the 2 sisters started making their way to the dining hall, "We couldn't have done it without your apprentice's help. Not to mention her vast collection of books, but we are still working on the royal 'we'."

The 2 alicorn sisters arrived at the dining hall. Their nostrils immediately detected a familiar scent of food. As they entered, their eyes was met with a beautiful sight of breakfast made only by the most elite of chefs, a breakfast worthy of a king (or 2 princesses in this case). Many have fallen for this breakfast. Many's stomachs have ravaged their owner's bodies just to eat this meal. The holy and almighty breakfast: Pancakes. Complemented with orange juice.

"May your highness need anything else?" Waiter Royale - the waiter - inquired.

"No," Celestia replied, "we are fine. Go, I wish that my dear sister and I eat alone."

"As you wish." Royale bowed and went on his way.

"Well what are you waiting for?" Celestia asked Luna, "DIG IN!"

Luna's gaze was cut short, she gave Celestia a grin - big enough to rival Pinkie's - and made a mad dash for the table. Celestia followed suite and started eating as well, though not as much savagery as Luna's. They both have never tasted anything so darn good. Luna was literally 'digging in' with her spoon as she dumped a bit of pancake in her mouth with every scoop, all manners thrown out the window.

"We fimply cannot get enough of fis!" Luna commented with her mouth full before swallowing, "the royal cooks have improved a thousand-fold!"

"Glad you like it." Celestia smiled, seeing her little sister happy after a thousand years on the moon really lifted Celestia's mood

Fshhhh-blewm!

But before Luna can take another mouthful, a massive magical ripple as loud as a thunder shook the castle. Shining Armor slammed the doors open and started galloping towards the princess, ready to deliver a status report.

"What's going on?" Celestia questioned.

"I do not know," Shining replied as he gave a salute, "a huge magical ripple shook the Everfree Forest and the surrounding area but only momentarily. Oh, and you may want to take a look at the Everfree right now."

Celestia and Luna turned around to gaze at the Everfree Forest with a curious look. At first nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but then a red beam of light and several lightning came down from the clear sky - not from a cloud, but the sky itself - and slammed onto a clearing in forest, depositing 8 humanoid figures. The red beam dissipated and so did the lightning as soon as it appeared.

In the Everfree...

The 8 figures began to stir after a very intense teleportation process, one they have never experienced before. But one figure however, with years of drinking experience, stirred first out of the 8.

"Ugh, what a hangover," the figure with a Russian accent groaned as he stood up groggily and dusted himself, he immediately noticed a purple unicorn staring at him, he turned to 3 unconscious figures and bellowed, "alright, which one of you 3 slipped drugs into my vodka?!"

Earlier... 2Fort

"Alright gang," a man with a southern accent huffed as he wiped a bead of sweat off his eyebrow, "Ta Level 4 Teleporter's goin' up. This newer version can send any of y'all anywhere without needing another end. It can also send 4 at a time. I need 4 volunteers, who'd like ta go?"

"Good work soldier," a Soldier congratulated, "as team captain, I will be volunteering to be 1 of 4. Heavy, Medic and Demo, you're testing it as well. The others will defend the intel. Engineer set coordinates for the BLU intel room. Fall in men, we're going in."

"Now is baby killing time!" Heavy bellowed, "Sandvich, Sasha and Medic is ready, yes?"

"Ja." Medic replied.

"So long as ah got me -hic- booze." Demoman slurred as he holstered his Grenade Launcher and took another swig of his Scrumpy.

"We're all ready, don't forget your inventory in case we end up in the Australian Jungle, Engineer?"

The Soldier is RED team's captain who wielded a Rocket Launcher, Shotgun and Shovel. Heavy is the largest of the entire team, he's a Russian who uses his fists as melee. He is also armed with a Sandvich and a Minigun called Sasha which apparently costs 400k dollars to fire for 12 seconds. Then there's Medic. He's apparently a sadistic German who lost his medical license. Armed with a Syringe Gun, a Medigun and an Ubersaw that harvests blood to build up invinsibility fo a short period; aka Ubercharge. Last but probably not least, is Demoman. The author is pretty surprised he didn't blow up RED's headquarters yet; he's a constantly drunk Grenade Launcher wielding Scottish cyclops who uses his bottle of liqour in combat. Other than the previously mentioned weapons, he uses a Sticky Bomb Launcher. Engineer is the brains of the team and in this current situation he has developed a new Teleporter, which the 4 will be using.

"Good to go!" Engineer replied as the Teleporter whirred to life, "now stay still and don't anything stupid, got it?"

The 4 stepped onto the teleporter. As they stepped on a hat materialized in front of Medic, although he was ecstatic, the hat unfortunately interfered with the teleportation process. The Teleporter started spraying sparks everywhere. Jolting and sputtering, the Teleporter started malfunctioning, scrambling the coordinates for the teleport location.

"Ah can't shut it down!" Engineer frantically yelled over the chaos as he tried to demolish it with his PDA, but the 4 was already halfway through the teleportation process.

"Dammit." was all Soldier could mutter before they disappeared in a red flash. The teleporter sputtered one last time before it exploded.

At the same time somewhere else...

There was nothing but infinite blackness. It was void of anything, save for a little girl and a napping Hellhound. The little girl was only around 8 and was clutching a teddy bear caked in blood near her chest, she was contemplating. She finally came to a decision.

"You know Fluffy," the girl said as she sighed, "revenge is boring, and Daddy said revenge is bad. I'm not saying I forgive the mean doctor for killing daddy, but I still want him gone. I only want him gone."

A tear rolled down Samantha's cheek. The Hellhound noticed this and raised its head, rubbing it against her thigh, making Samantha give him a small smile. Not a bloodthirsty grin she would make whenever she sends them to fetch their souls, but a heartwarming sincere smile.

"You're a good friend Fluffy." Samantha said as she knelt down to hug Fluffy, "I'm glad you're still with me... Idea! I know, let's screw the teleporter up, hopefully sending them to an unknown dimension!"

Meanwhile...

"Oh fuck oh fuck OH FUCK!" Dempsey swore as he emptied another H115 Oscillator clip, "normally a zombie crowd is nothing, but this at least 3 TIMES BIGGER! Hurry the fuck up guys and fall back to the teleporter!"

Takeo and Nikolai started wading through the knee-deep puddle separating the Pack-a-Punch machine from the Teleporter in the Hangar, killing any zombies unfortunate enough to block their path.

"Eins, zwei, drei... Ugh, I do not think we brought enough body bags." Richtofen declared as he sliced a zombie's head off with his Bowie Knife, blood splattering all over his clothes.

Now this lovely bunch kills zombies for a living. Dempsey is a very agressive combatant who constantly calls zombies names such as 'maggot whores' and 'meatsacks'. He is a very friendly man outside of combat but moments when the other 3 see him in a happy demeanor is very rare. That or when he acquires a new gun or a lenghty killstreak. Takeo is a silent Jap who only spoke in phrases, but he's been noisier recently, he's been heard muttering something about 935. Then there's Nikolai. He's constantly drunk. And he's Russian. Who somehow still racks up alot of headshots. Finally, there's Richtofen. He's practically like Medic. The difference being he's a Nazi and he hears voices in his head.

"We don't have bodybags dumbass!" Dempsey roared, "Now shut your trap and provide covering fire before I shove a frag down your throat!"

Take and Nikolai finally made it to the teleporter, as they stepped on the teleporter Nikolai noticed something strange. The massive hoard of zombies gathered around the teleporter, all wearing a zombie equivalent of a disturbing grin on their rotten faces. They were also waving, as if to say goodbye.

"What the fu-" was all Dempsey managed to say before the Teleporter activated, but this time it was overloaded with 115, when I mean overloaded, I mean at least 9321 times more than it's usual input. Simply put it, the power level is over 9000, causing its users to land in an entirely different place. One even crazier than a base on the moon.

A/N: Well! Here's my first fanfic. Hope you enjoy it. Tips will be useful and infrom me of any mistakes. Also, NONE OF THESE BELONG TO ME. kthxbai