Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia Try Very Vigorously To Ship Themselves
Princess Celestia set down her teacup. "What did you come all the way from Ponyville to speak with me about, my most faithful student?"
"Celestia," Twilight said, "I know there's a considerable difference in calendar age between us. But I'm very mentally mature. A pony with my level of magical expertise is usually at least forty, or even older. And think about all the other things I've learned BESIDES magic. I'm practically the equivalent of...somepony hundreds of years old!"
Twilight smiled almost flirtatiously for a moment, before she squeaked out nervously, "And for somepony thousands of years old, I think you're really good at keeping in touch with your more youthful, fun side. You and I were meant to be together!"
Twilight tried to levitate a bouquet of flowers towards Celestia, but she awkwardly applied too much energy, flinging them at her former teacher's face. Celestia caught the flowers with her own magic, then gently laid them down upon the table. She smiled sweetly. "Twilight, I'm honored. I really am."
Twilight quivered with excitement. "But does that mean you'll be my date to the special somepony dance, or not? Because I've just got to know!"
Celestia sighed. "I'm sorry, Twilight. It's not meant to be."
"What? But I heard you had a romantic interest in somepony in the Sparkle family. And Shining is already dating your niece Cadance. So who else could you possibly be thinking of?"
Celestia shook her head sadly. "Oh, Twilight. You should be careful of trusting rumors. Because when you listen to rumors, you never know what's been changed, or added, or simply made up out of nothing."
Tears welled up in Twilight's eyes. "So you DON'T want to court anypony in my family?"
Celestia shook her head.
"Waaaah!" Twilight cried. "I was so sure this was my chance! My opportunity to confess my feelings for you! My--"
Spike walked into the room. "Hay, is this a bad time?" He looked more closely at his sister. "Twilight! What happened? Was somepony mean to you?"
"Princess Celestia doesn't really have a crush on me!" Twilight wailed. "From what some ponies said, I was sure she did, but it wasn't true! So I asked her out and I completely humiliated myself!"
Celestia said, "Twilight! Thousands of ponies have crushes on me. I've been asked out by more ponies than I can even count. Nopony will think any less of you for it."
Spike hugged his big sister. "I'm so sorry, Twilight. And I feel even worse for you, when--"
Rarity sashayed into the room. "Hello, darlings! What a beautiful morning." She gave the assembled creatures a second look. "I'm sorry, dears. What seems to be the matter?"
Twilight wailed, "Nothing! Nothing at all! It was...nothing!"
Rarity blinked. "Well then...I shall take your word for it. But if you ever need a sympathetic ear, a shoulder to cry on--"
"Waaaah!" Twilight leaped up from her chair and grabbed Rarity in both forelimbs. "It hurts so much!"
"Ahem." Rarity gently returned the hug. "There, there. I'm sure everything will turn out well enough in the long run." She patted her tearful friend on the shoulders and back for several minutes.
Several minutes later, Spike cleared his throat. "Twilight? Rarity? Sis, I appreciate that you need somecreature to talk to...but do you think for just a little while, you could let go of my date?"
"What?" Rarity said. "Oh. I suppose it IS only understandable, that you might feel that way."
Spike smiled sheepishly. "I don't mean to make anypony feel bad. But, well...when you've FINALLY accepted my invitation to go on a romantic outing to Canterlot...a walk in the Palace Gardens, lunch at--"
Rarity said flatly, "I'm very sorry about the misunderstanding, my dear Spike. This isn't a date. I mean, Princess Celestia sent me a letter asking me to visit Canterlot Palace today. I simply assumed your own invitation was connected with that."
Spike jumped up and down in frustration. "I should have KNOWN! I should have KNOWN somepony so beautiful, and so much older than me too, could never be interested in me that way! I've been a fool!"
Celestia winced. "Well! Hasn't this been an educational day so far? We've learned so much, about not trusting rumors, and not making assumptions." She smiled at Twilight. "And I do want to assure you, Twilight, even though I can't court you, you will always be very special to me."
"Great," Twilight said. "I guess you'll always be very special to me too. As the first pony who broke my heart."
Rarity and Celestia exchanged looks.
"Oh!" Spike said. "I know what that means. The way Celestia and Rarity looked at each other."
"You do?" Celestia replied. "Then...please tell me...what DOES it mean?"
"It means you and Rarity have something you don't want to talk about. Probably something you both know, but you're afraid to tell us."
"Hmmph," Rarity said.
"I suppose that's true," Celestia agreed. "One reason Twilight will always be very special to me is...Spike, do you know how long your egg was in the Palace, wheeled out again and again to entrance exams for the School For Gifted Unicorns, while I waited for somepony who could finally succeed in hatching it for me?"
Spike shrugged. "No idea. I asked Twilight about it, but she said she didn't know."
Celestia nodded. "Twilight wouldn't know. Almost nopony alive today would know, except maybe Luna. Customs were different when I was young. When I was born an alicorn, the Equestrian royal family knew that meant so much about me would be different. Specifically, I would live for many thousands of years. Unlike practically every other pony."
"Hmm," Spike said.
"So my parents exchanged embassies and delegations with another royal family in a faraway land. Before I was even old enough to speak, a marriage had already been arranged. Because that was the custom of royalty in those days, to plan such things early."
"Huh?" Spike scratched his head frill.
"But while the egg of my husband to be was on its way to Equestria, the caravan was attacked by magicores."
"What?"
"Creatures half lion, half pony mage, who can suck the magic out of other creatures, and use it to cast spells. By the time the expedition was rescued, my fiance's egg had been magically frozen in time. Equestria's king and queen sought long and hard for some way to restore my destined husband, so he could hatch."
Twilight's face bore an odd expression. "So you're saying the magical challenge that for the longest time has had the most talented applicants to your school driving themselves nuts trying to hatch a dragon egg--"
"Was an utter diplomatic necessity. For thousands of years, the only thing preventing at least three separate dragon kingdoms from declaring war on Equestria was their knowledge that every year, Equestria's most promising up and coming young talent was doing their very best to free the heir from his spell."
Spike said, "What."
Celestia smiled at Spike. "You don't have to decide right away. But I do need to ask you, now that you're getting old enough to start thinking about the question. Will you marry me? Or will you abandon your fiancee, reject international commitments and treaties thousands of years old, and let Equestria be torn asunder by dragons mighty enough to burn up an entire village with a single breath?"
Spike stared at Celestia. "What?"
"Don't worry, you still have some time. Several kingdoms have been waiting thousands of years to resolve this matter. Another year or two isn't too much longer to insist they wait. Although ever since they learned about your hatching, they have been getting more and more antsy...one might even say pushy."
Celestia turned towards Twilight and Rarity. "Also...Twilight, if you're looking for a date for the special someponies dance, have you thought about asking Rarity? Her date seems to be otherwise engaged."
Twilight said, "What."
"I mean, the young drake who thought he was her date...seems to be literally engaged to somepony else. I'm sorry, Rarity."
Rarity tossed her mane. "Of all the creatures here, I think I have the very least to complain about. Really, being single suddenly seems like...a freedom I should try to appreciate."
"That's the spirit!" Celestia clapped her forehooves together. "Now who would like some cake?"
Author's Note
In the real world, if you're a ~~teenage dragon~~ as young as Spike and anypony ever tries to convince you to marry somepony thousands of years older than you, please contact a social worker as soon as possible.
