Sundowner Downs Celestia.

by The_Chill_Author

Rating: teen
Tags: Violence, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Royal Guard, Other, Metal Gear, Profanity
Length: 1699

Kids are cruel, Jack!

Sundowner doesn't like how Celestia doesn't like sending out her troops to do her dirty work, he also doesn't like how she doesn't go to war with other nations.

So he does what he does best.

And downs the sun.

YOOOOOOO YOU ALREADY KNOW MY BOY FIRE HEARTH MADE AN AUDIO FOR THIS! CHECK IT OUT

Published 2022-06-23 18:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-06-23 18:30:01 UTC

Give War A Chance!

It has been a solid two months since Senator Armstrong saved everypony from the evil clutches of Chrysalis. Everypony went back to their normal, Twilight continued her studies, Discord continued to be a dick, Phil Swift continued selling the Flex brand...

...And Celestia continued being a fat bitch. She was sitting on her throne with a smile on her face, her hooves began to twitch as she was just too excited. But for what? The doors opened to the throne room and Celestia had to stop herself from lunging out, a maid was pushing a cart with a neat white cloth with multiple plates with cloche lids on them. The pony stopped herself about a meter from her throne.

The maid smiled up at Celestia, "I have all of what you ordered, the strawberry cake, the strawberry cake with chocolate fudge, the strawberry cake with caramel, the strawberry cake with strawberry filling, and strawberry cake with extra strawberries!" Every time the maid said strawberries, Celestia leaned closer and closer to the cart with a smile. She then took off the lids and all of the cakey goodness revealed itself.

Celestia gasped, the brightness nearly blinded her and when she opened her eyes, it looked like she had seen angels! All of the strawberry cakes lined up together perfectly, side by side, strawberry to strawberry. It was as if the strawberry cakes were all heroes standing before her very eyes. Celestia let out a happy squeal and danced on her throne.

"Oh, it's wonderful! My compliments to the chef, thank you, Thorn Oak!" She exclaimed and gave a smile to the maid. The maid bowed before her princess.

"You're welcome, Princess, it's simply what I've been ordered to do. Good maids follow orders after all!" The maid stood back up, "And I'll most definitely tell the chef of what you thought about the exquisite strawberry cakes. I'm sure he'll be very happy."

"Not as happy as I am!" Celestia quipped, and the maid smiled in response. "Alright everypony, I would like to have some peace and quiet all to myself, day court just finished and I've had a very trying day."

The guard on her right looked over at her with a concerned look, noticing this, a guard trotted over to the concerned guard. "Dude, you don't wanna see her eating cake, trust me. I still have scars to this very day."

"Really? Alright then." The guards and the maid left Celestia all to herself in her throne room. Celestia sat there in silence, the ticking sounds of the clock could be heard because of how silent it was.

"EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Celestia jumped into the air and bounced off the walls like a ping pong ball before landing on her throne. "I've been starving! I'VE BEEN WAITING ALL DAY FOR THIS! FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY!" Celestia jumped up and down and shook the throne room. Clearing her throat, she calmed back down and focussed on the cake. "Now, which one shall I eat first?"

She looked at the strawberry-filled strawberry cake.

"Not yet, the strawberry filling would ruin the taste of the other strawberry cakes."

She looked at the strawberry cake with chocolate fudge.

"The clash of chocolate and strawberry, how delightful! But the chocolate would get stuck into my teeth and ruin the strawberryness of the other cakes."

She looked at the strawberry cake with caramel.

"Hm... Same problem I might have with the strawberry cake with chocolate fudge."

She looked at the strawberry cake with extra strawberries.

"You can't get more strawberry than that! But if I started eating that now, then the normal strawberry cake would feel like it's lacking something."

She looked at the strawberry cake.

"Ah, the classic! You can never go wrong with the original!" Celestia picked up one of the knives that were brought with the cart and took a big slice of strawberry cake. She picked up the strawberry cake with her magic and opened her mouth to take a bite.

Loud heavy metal music began to play past her throne room, Celestia paused and distanced the cake from her mouth. She raised an eyebrow as she heard the clashing of blades, and magic being fired. She also heard a voice...

"Pathetic!"

BOOM!

"Gonna take more than that!"

SLASH!

"Done already?"

Celestia shrugged, it was probably Discord causing chaos, nothing that future Celestia couldn't handle. She brought back the slice up to her mouth and took a bite, as soon as it entered her mouth the door blew open. A man came sliding in, surfing in on a metal slab, he stopped before Celestia and looked up to her with a grin.

"Hello, Princess." He greeted, this man was none other than Sundowner, the average war enjoyer.

Celestia looked at Sundowner with a shocked expression, unable to speak with her mouth full, she swallowed the bite. "Uh... Ahem, if you're here to ask for my hoof in marriage, then I reccomend not interrupting me during cake time." Celestia deadpanned, Sundowner looked at Celestia, disgusted.

"What the fuck? Why would I fuck a horse? I'm a warmonger not a damn farmer!" Sundowner scoffed, feeling insulted, Celestia furrowed her brow.

"And why wouldn't you buck a horse?"

"Because you're a fucking- Wait, the fuck did you just say?"

"Why wouldn't you buck a horse?"

"No, the 'buck'."

"Yeah, I said buck, you said buck wrong by saying 'fuck'."

"Jesus Christ, first they don't go to war and now this shit?!" Sundowner shook his head and gripped his blades tightly. "Equestria's just gettin' a bit too peaceful."

"What do you mean by that?" Celestia stood to her hooves and was frowning at Sundowner, however, that didn't intimidate him in the slightest.

"Have you seen the job marketing 'round here? Business ain't been the same since the... Whatever war y'all had. You decided to have a 'clean break from the war economy'." Sundowner paced slowly, walking to the right before he turned suddenly to Celestia. "Well some of us liked that economy. How's an honest warmonger supposed make a living?"

"A warmonger?" Celestia asked, "You enjoy war?"

Sundowner laughed, "Enjoy? I love this shit! War's good for us, gives ya jobs, technology, a common purpose!" Sundowner put his blades in his sheath, and put his back to Celestia. "All we're saying is..." He turned to face Celestia with his arms open. "...Give war a chance!"

"War is terrible! It brings death and destruction, it bri- Wait, you're alone, why did you say we?" Celestia's small brain couldn't grasp Sundowner's absolute chadliness, he smirked.

"And kids are cruel."

"That literally has nothing to do with the conversation."

"War crime this, code of conduct that."

"What are you talking about?!"

"Bullshit! War's just a part of who we are. Why fight it?"

"Now we're getting back on track." Celestia sighed and rubbed her temples with her hooves, "Listen, you're doing a really bad job if you're trying to marry me."

...
...
...

"I'm gonna start beating ya now, I don't know when I'll stop." Sundowner's mask got into place, and his shields prepared themselves. He got his weapons from their sheaths and got into a stance. "Now, come on!"

Celestia rolled her eyes, "Dueling for marriage never-" Sundowner ran towards Celestia, knocking over the cart much to her horror. He slammed his shields into Celestia and caused an explosion and crashed Celestia through her throne and through the wall behind her. Celestia rolled across the grass and went to her hooves with her horn lighting up. "You pissed me off, first you come barging into my throne room and then you destroy my cake? I'm going to kick your-"

Sundowner came from above, swords over head with a grin of chaos. Celestia conjured a shield bubble around her as he slammed his weapons into the bubble. It made a small crack, Sundowner took notice of this and began slashing his weapons into the bubble. Celestia was taking steps back as Sundowner's attacks became more and more ruthless. When the crack was bigger, Sundowner bashed Celestia's bubble with his shields and shattered it.

"Unlike your shield, I'M FUCKING INVICIBLE!" Sundowner roared, spinning around, he went to slice open Celestia's neck. Celestia leaned back and avoided the attack, she jumped into the sky and used her wings to keep flight.

"We'll see about that!" Celestia's horn lit up and she fired multiple bolts of magic at Sundowner, the mad man raised his shields and blocked the bolts of magic. Each impact made an explosion that made a cloud of smoke around Sundowner, concealing him from Celestia's gaze. Sundowner leaped from the cloud of smoke and met Celestia in the air. "Oh."

He slammed his shields into Celestia, sending her spiralling across the sky and eventually hitting the ground. Celestia groaned in pain, closing her eyes as she recovered. She then heard the clanking metal footsteps of Sundowner as he approached, before he kicked Celestia to lay on her back.

Sundowner slammed a foot down on Celestia's gut, "LIke I said, kids are cruel, Jack, and I'm very in touch with my inner child."

"My name isn't Jack, who are you even talking about?" Celestia asked as she opened her eyes to him grinning down at her.

"The name's Sundowner, and looks like I'm not the only one who can put down the sun." Sundowner raised his swords overhead, Celestia closed her eyes and feared the worst. But... It never came, just like your father. Yes, you, reader. You're fatherless.

Celestia opened her eyes and saw not a sight of Sundowner, she slowly went to her hooves and looked around. "I'm... Safe? I'm alright?"

"LIKE SHIT YOU ARE!"

"SON OF A BI-"

Luna rushed into the hospital and knocked down the door to Celestia's room, she saw her sister wrapped in bandages and hooked in with many wires.

"Sister! Are you alright?" Luna asked, walking over to Celestia, "What do you know of the attacker? Who is he?"

Celestia looked over to Luna.

"He's fucking invincible."

Author's Note

I'm so sorry, I just had to, I love Sundowner and his theme.