Trixie had always found that Sugarcube Corner was one of the best places to think. Truthfully, she sometimes wondered why; it was noisy most of the time, filled with the chatter that came from being Canterlot High's favourite hangout spot, sound that should have made it hard to focus at all.
But to Trixie, the sounds of a crowd were comforting, background noise that put her at ease. Of course that made sense, after all, what would the “Great and Powerful Trixie” be without attention? She laughed bitterly at the thought, taking a sip of her coco. At this point, everything felt bitter to her. It had always seemed like the end of their time at Canterlot High was so far away. Had it really been so long since the Fall Formal, the Battle of the Bands, the Friendship Games and everything that came after?
Part of her missed those days. Well, not everything before the formal, that had undeniably sucked. But everything after was… nice. The rebuilt community and companionship almost made her feel like she belonged somewhere, even if they didn’t take her seriously.
And now, like everything else, it was leaving her.
“So. What did you want to talk about Trixie? You’ve kinda been staring into your coco for the past five minutes.”
Sunset's voice broke her from her thoughts, Trixie blinking as she looked up at the girl sitting opposite her.
“Ah! Sunset Shimmer! You have arrived at last! The Great and Powerful Trixie’s message of this meeting clearly has finally reached your ears!” The girl shouted, attracting the attention of some of the nearby students for an all too brief moment.
“Well, if you mean, I got your text and have been sitting here for a good while now then, yeah.” Sunset giggled, the sound making Trixie smile a little. It was nothing like the mocking ones she got, it was giggling that would only come from someone actually fond of her.
That was why Sunset was one of the few people Trixie considered a proper friend. She had to know Trixie wasn’t really like how she acted by now, especially after the heart to heart during the memory stone drama, yet she never tried to force out anything else, content with just being her friend, and for Trixie, that was enough.
It helped that she was a good listener too.
“I suppose you must be wondering what Trixie requires from you today, Sunset Shimmer. As you know, this is a matter of great importance! Great and powerful importance in fact!” She boasted, playing up the showmanship, increasing the tension for her friend who just stared back and blinked.
“Well you weren’t exactly specific in the text. You just said you wanted to talk. Is everything alright? You seem a little off today.”
“Trixie is fine! Well… as fine as Trixie can be… but yes, I did have something I wanted to ask you. Sunset, what are you doing next year? Once you leave CHS, I mean.” She spoke uncertainly, the change in attitude plain to see, Sunset raising her eyebrow curiously.
“What am I doing? Well, since I’m staying in this world for the time being, I’m going to college like the rest of CHS. I’ve found some good ones that would be interested in having me if I get good enough grades. Thank Celestia for having official records now…” Sunset trailed off, looking at Trixie in a mixture of concern and confusion, the other girl lacking her usual boastful aura as she listened.
“But what about your friends? Heck, what about Equestria? Why can’t you just pop back there to be a princess or something?” Trixie asked, Sunset giggling in response.
“That’s not quite how it works, Trixie. And even though I was born in Equestria, I belong here. I just… know it. While my friends… a lot of us seem to be interested in different colleges. Not surprising, I know. Chances of any of us going to the same ones is… unlikely. Me and Twilight have the best chance. But I don’t want to get my hopes up.” She blushed a little, the sight making Trixie smirk despite her low mood.
“Whipped. Make sure you get the Great and Powerful Trixie to do a speech at your wedding.” She burst into laughter at the stare she got in return, Sunset crossing her arms in embarrassment as she calmed down.
“Ha Ha.” Sunset remarked drily, rolling her eyes before continuing. “I’m not too worried though. I mean with everything else our friendship’s gone through, it’s not going to get ruined by college of all things…”
“If only the rest of us shared your carefree attitude. I’m not sure if you noticed but this feels even worse than Sirens to us. Things were… simpler back then.” She muttered. She got attention back then, attention she lived off, that fuelled the confident mask she put on each day, the one that kept her safe, that kept the eyes on her.
The trade off was that she didn't have many friends back then, stuck crying out to the crowd for any sort of attention, to remind them of her existence, refusing to be forgotten. The fate she would fight against kicking and screaming, the thing that she would never be.
She missed Maud. That girl was (fittingly) the perfect emotional rock. Trixie told her almost every concern and worry in the world. Knowing she would never be judged, always getting silent comfort in return, sometimes even with a simple remark that somehow made everything clearer.
But now Maud was in college, too focused on geology to listen to a girl she used to know, to be constantly bombarded with worries, stresses and all these other flaws she had no way of holding back. Sometimes she worried she made Maud miserable, although almost nothing seemed to change how she acted.
But still, despite all that, and the continued conversation over text, the worry remained. The worry that one day, she would forget her too.
“Please, everyone in the school is stronger than they know. They’ve survived me at my worst, so I’ll be damned if I let it fall apart again. The bonds here aren’t that fickle you know? The friendships here will probably last lifetimes.” Sunset said with a smile, before frowning in concern, noticing just how unhappy her friend appeared.
“Trixie. Is everything alright? You… don’t seem like yourself. You don’t usually space out and stuff. You know you can tell me if anything’s bothering you right?” The girl’s eyes widened at the question, stammering to herself before finally forming an answer.
“A-alright? Of course Trixie is alright! The perfectly fine and unconcerned Trixie laughs at the mere idea of not being alright!” She stammered, trying to keep up her usual bravado to varying success.
Sunset narrowed her eyes, thinking back at their conversation so far, soon realising what the issue might have been.
“Trixie… have you applied to any colleges? You… haven’t really told me yet… are you prepared for what you want to do next?”
“P-prepared? Of course I-Trixie is prepared! Why wouldn’t she be!?” She accused, only confirming to Sunset that she had hit the nail on the head as she raised an eyebrow in response.
“Then what is it you wanted to talk about so urgently? It has to be something important. You don’t usually call me if it’s nothing…” Sunset asked, Trixie noticing that most of the other students were starting to leave the cafe, probably wanting to get back to the school before their lessons started. The fading crowd certainly didn’t help her confidence, the girl feeling even more alone as she stroked her arm instinctively, not saying a word.
“Trixie. You can tell me these things, we’re friends. Bottling things up is the worst thing you can do. The least I can do is be able to lighten the load a little. Is it to do with your college applications?”
“Yes… as usual you see right through Trixie when she is too stubborn to even admit her own problems.” Grumbled the girl, Sunset giggling at the reaction she got, not needing to be the bearer of empathy to see how relieved she looked that she had figured it out. Trixie’s pride was always an issue, her true friends the ones that could overcome it the best.
She stayed quiet for a moment, debating whether or not she should even say, giving in with a sigh.
“Trixie… hasn’t sent any…”
“What?” Sunset hissed in surprise, her eyes wide in shock. “Trixie! How have you not sent anything!? Do you have any idea how close it is to the deadline!?”
Trixie shuffled in her seat, looking down with a dejected look on her face, sighing before looking back up at her friend. “Trixie is… I know. It’s just… I don’t know, Sunset. I have no idea where I should go from here. What it is that I want to do. What it is that I need to do.”
“I know!” She cut off Sunset before she could even answer. “I’ve had all this time to think about it. To find my place in the world. To figure out what I’m supposed to be doing with my life! Everybody’s been thinking that all this time, right!? But when we started out here, that was so far away! So I put it off and off and off and now it’s actually here! I thought I would just figure it out on the way! But I haven’t got any more of an idea than I did when I started! And now I only have a few weeks to decide!”
Trixie caught her breath, unable to help herself from ranting as Sunset blinked, processing what she had just been told before finally responding.
“Wow… ok. I can tell you’re a little stressed about this…”
“A LITTLE!?” Trixie shouted, her eyes getting wider to match her heavy breathing. “Whatever gave you that idea? THE CALM AND COLLECTED TRIXIE HAS NO IDEA JUST WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!”
“Trixie! Chill! It’s alright! You don’t need to shout!” Sunset cried, Trixie pausing and noticing the few people left in the cafe staring at her oddly.
“O-oh right… o-of course. Continue!”
“Thank you. Now, I can see you're stressed about this, but despite this… not being the most ideal situation, it’s not the end of the world. You can get through this. There has to be something you're interested in! Why not just do magic?” It was probably the wrong idea to ask something so obvious, Trixie’s eyes narrowing as she growled back.
“M-magicians aren’t a stable job Sunset! If even my friends here don’t care for it, then the real world definitely won’t! What am I supposed to do? Study real magic like Twilight with my total lack of scientific knowledge!? Face it! I’m a joke! I’ve been the school joke ever since I started here! You made sure of-” Trixie froze, realising just what she was saying as her breath caught in her throat, Sunset taken aback for a moment before sighing.
“Yeah. Yeah, I know. I did kinda influence the way the others looked at you for a while. Even after the formal. It’s… better now though, right?” Sunset asked, sighing in relief at Trixie’s guilty nod. “That’s good. I think saying people don’t care for it is going a little far though. Some of them really enjoy it now! But I understand you not wanting it to be your main career or anything. It would be like expecting Lyra to become Earth’s official ambassador to Equestria.” She giggled, Trixie laughing a little with her.
“You say that, but you know how stubborn that girl can get sometimes. She’s determined enough to make that a thing herself.” Trixie said fondly, before driving back into her panic. I don’t have that though Sunset! I don’t want to stop being a magician or anything… but it can’t be what I’m meant for. It’s not supposed to be what defines me! I-I have to be more than a joke...” Trixie exclaimed, frustration mixed with her tone as she leaned forward onto the table.
“Of course you're more than a joke Trixie! And just because you don’t know what you want to do now doesn’t mean you never will! It’s not like everyone’s ambitions stay in stone after high school. At least that’s what Twilight and Rarity say… sure you always have your interests, but give it a few years and you’ll be using them in completely different ways than you imagined! Maybe you just need a bit of self reflection to find what you're good at?”
“Self reflection? No need. I know exactly what I am.” She answered bitterly, Sunset flinching from the dismissive tone, Trixie not saying a word for a moment before pausing, her eyes suddenly shining as an idea occurred to her, the face making the other girl groan.
It was one of those faces. An expression that, based on past experience, always led to trouble.
“Oh Celestia, that can’t be good… Trixie. Please tell me whatever you just thought of is at least slightly sane…”
“Ho ho… you don’t need to worry, Sunset Shimmer. The Great and Powerful Trixie has a brilliant, foolproof idea that will solve all of her problems!” The girl confidently stated, something that did little to help Sunset’s worries.
“Oh no.”
“And you shall help her!”
“Oh Celestia…” The lack of faith earned the other girl a harsh glare.
“You haven’t even heard Trixie’s idea yet!”
“I know, but I’ve told you, expressions like that are never a good sign… you did the same expression when you thought it was a good idea to try a magic show last fall formal without checking with the staff, and when you attempted to use smoke bombs in the detention after that mess to do the work faster! I think me and the rest of my friends have plenty of experience with those kinds of ideas…” Sunset exclaimed, her arms crossed as Trixie scoffed and rolled her eyes.
“Please! This is a much better idea than those! As you are no doubt aware, Trixie learns from her mistakes.” She smiled smugly.
Sunset raised an eyebrow.
“Ugh, do you want to hear it or not!” Trixie snapped, tapping her foot impatiently, Sunset sighing as she mentally prepared herself for what would either be incredibly dangerous, irresponsible, or some Taratus born combination of the two.
“Our classmates acted like it was all too easy to do this “self reflection”, something that for Trixie is… most difficult to do in a way others consider fair. According to Maud at least. Although I seem very sure of myself, I don’t… necessarily know who I am. Not like all of you. You all seem to have everything figured out already. But I have finally figured out the perfect method to do so!”
“Uh huh.” Sunset was unconvinced, Trixie remaining unconcerned by her doubt as usual. “What is your overly complex idea to solve a simple problem then? I’m sorry for the lack of faith, but you can’t say it isn’t unwarranted…”
“Hmph. Fine, the brilliant and intelligent Trixie shall share her plan! Like the others said, Trixie is the only person that can help Trixie uncover herself. But they never said it had to be me who did it! And there just so happens to be a portal to another dimension within our school grounds.” She explained, looking completely confident in contrast to Sunset groaning.
“Trixie, I swear if this is some kind of selfcest thing…”
“WHAT!? NO! The G-great and Powerful Trixie wouldn’t… why would you even think that!? Is that something you get asked often!?” Trixie asked in confusion, Sunset giving a pained expression as she thought back.
“You don’t want to know.” She said before continuing, her glare silencing any more questions before Trixie could even think of them. “Anyways, I only wanted to make sure. So I guess you meant asking your counterpart for help figuring out what you want to do in the future? Not the worst idea I’ve heard, although unconventional. And much less simple than you know, figuring it out yourself like an ordinary person!?”
"But Trixie's already tried that! Please Sunset? Please? Please? She’ll give you free tickets to her next magic show?” The girl pleaded, hoping to get past her friend's strictness when it came to Equestrian magic, the redhead furrowing her brow in response.
“Trixie, I would really love to help. But I can’t just call anypony to Earth whenever somebody needs them! Especially when meeting their counterparts! Something like that could destabilise both our worlds! I know we had that time on the cruise ship, but I did that when we had no other choice! We need to limit it as much as we can. I’m sorry, but I could always lend you my journal so-”
“Trixie will pay for a meal for two at a restaurant of your choosing for you to go with Twilight Sparkle.”
“Wait next to the statue at the end of the day. I’ll ask the princess to send other you a message.” Sunset continued without missing a beat, her blush still visible as Trixie chuckled. Luckily another benefit of being close friends with somebody was knowing exactly what buttons to take advantage of. Case in point, a certain nerdy crush.
“Pleasure doing business with you.”
Trixie stared up at the statue, not saying a word as she shuffled in place.
She hadn’t thought much of it at first; it was just another set piece of the school grounds. Something that was nice and pleasing to look at, but not really worth much more thought than that.
That was before it spat out a princess from another dimension.
After that, it was obviously much more different, the statue not only becoming a popular hang out for Sunset’s friend group, but a common place for students to investigate, as if it would somehow spill out all the secrets of the mysterious other world they crossed with so often.
Trixie hadn’t had that much more contact with the magical world than the other students had. She’d been mind controlled with everyone else that one time, trotted through it after the ship sank, and one of her few friends was a talking unicorn from another dimension and was casually acquainted with the princess.
Well, dropping somebody under the stage so your band could perform instead since you were being influenced by siren magic had to count for something…
Sunset had texted her only an hour after their meeting, telling her that her counterpart would be able to meet her around five that night. Right now that girl was probably deep into planning for her date, she barely needed to revise when she was as smart as she was anyways…
So Trixie was left alone with her thoughts for company, waiting nervously for her counterpart to appear. It had been easy suggesting it, at the time the idea of another her giving her guidance seemed perfect, but as she waited, other thoughts put her more on edge, doubt and worries lying beneath the confident persona as always.
What if what came out of the statue wasn’t an idealised version of her like she hoped? What if it wasn’t even anything close to her? What if she met the forgotten, washed out, unloved and wandering failure she was always scared of becoming?
But would the idealised version be much better? Knowing that out there in the universe there was someone that was literally just a better her? What would be the point of her even existing then? Ugh, the suspense was killing her! Just where was-
FLASH
“HAHAHA! BEHOLD AND BE AMAZED WORLD AND ALL WHO LIVE HERE! FOR YOUR EYES HAVE FINALLY BORE WITNESS TO THE GREAHHHHHHHHHH!”
Trixie blinked, watching in shock as another her suddenly dashed from the portal, shouting confidently despite awkwardly wobbling on two feet. The entrance started off strong, before she stepped on her cape and tumbled right onto her face.
There was silence.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie meant to do that.” Grumbled the reflection brought to life as she slowly pulled herself off the ground, Trixie watching with wide eyes as she almost fell over again instantly.
In a moment, she knew exactly how Twilight must feel when meeting with the princess, fully processing how odd it was to watch someone else look and sound like you, yet be so noticeably… different. The clothes for a start. She was draped in a purple suit, a flowing cape covered in starry markings like her own along with it, Trixie unsure what she should say to herself as her counterpart wiped the dust off her legs, before freezing as she looked down at them.
She blinked.
“Oh. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww… Starlight was right, this is weird…” She gagged for effect, straightening her starry hat as her words finally brought Trixie into action.
“Better than being a pony from my experience…” Grumbled Trixie, the comment making the other her jump and stare at her in shock. It took her a few moments to compose herself properly, Trixie hoping that her recovery from shock was less obvious than this as her counterpart cleared her throat.
“Firstly, being a pony is much more preferable than being… whatever this is? Some kind of… hairless yeti thing?”
“Ok, rude.”
“But that’s what you look like! Ugh, not the worst form in the world I suppose… I can think of worse. At least the Great and Powerful Trixie had some foresight that your last three visitors lacked.” The pony girl exclaimed, frowning while wiggling her fingers. “Still, what is the point of these… mini tentacle… things?”
“Hands and fingers. You use them to grab things. Anyways, thank you for responding to my summons, Great and Powerful Trixie-”
“Finally! Somepony that gets it!” The other her shouted in triumph.
“But I need advice and services that only you can provide.” Trixie decided to ignore her counterpart for now, more focused on finishing what she was saying. “I imagine the princess briefed you on our close relationship during her previous visits here when she told you of my summons.”
“How do you know Twilight again?” Her double seemed sceptical, Trixie cursing herself for not realising that her counterpart would obviously be able to notice her lying and boasting when she probably did the same things herself.
“I indirectly taught her how vending machines worked and dropped her and her friends down a hole. Honestly, I’m surprised she bothered transferring the message. It’s partly why I got someone on better terms to ask her. And she turned into a demon once.”
“Ha! Don’t feel too bad, Trixie once took over the whole town because of a cursed amulet. It happens.” The other Trixie explained casually. “Anyways, I am wondering just what you require from Trixie. I know that Twilight’s friends haven’t met their counterparts before, and Starlight said nopony had even asked to see them before! It makes the Great and Powerful Trixie honoured to be the first.”
“All in due time, Trixie. Also it’s any”body” here.” The girl answered, getting a confused stare in return.
“Anywhat?”
“Anybody. We aren’t ponies. So we say anybody! Not something silly like anypony!” Trixie explained with a sigh, her counterpart narrowing her eyes in annoyance.
“Excuse me! Anybody is what sounds weird! If anything you should all start saying anypony!” Her counterpart argued, Trixie sighing and palming her face as she processed she was actually having an argument about this with herself.
“BUT NONE OF US ARE PONIES! SO WHY ON EARTH WOULD WE USE THAT!?”
“TRIXIE DOESN’T CARE! IT SOUNDS BETTER!”
“IT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE GRAMMATICAL SENSE!”
“YOU DON’T MAKE GRAMMATICAL SENSE!”
“THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!”
The pony Trixie would have snapped back at that, but soon noticed that a few of the nearby loyals had been attracted by the argument, something that, based on her uncomfortable reaction, was likely something she was specifically told not to do while she was there.
“Trixie doesn’t suppose that your “Sunset Shimmer” may have mentioned not to make a scene like Princess Twilight Sparkle did with Trixie?” Her counterpart asked hopefully, her hands scrambling for something on her clothes as she muttered. “How in Celestia’s name are these supposed to be useful!”
“Sunset Shimmer may have mentioned that, yes.” She answered, walking closer to her double as the crowd of students began to notice that something unusual was taking place.
“Ah.” Replied the other girl, the frown on her face turning into a smirk as she found what she had been looking for. “Starlight won’t be happy with me then. I trust you can guide us somewhere where we will be less likely to be overheard?”
It was strange, the subtle ways they were different yet similar, the more confident behaviour she could see beneath the surface, hinting at a greater experience that betrayed her teenage appearance. Could she be like that too one day? To say such confident things and truly, really mean it inside? Those were thoughts to have later, Trixie smiling back at her double as they both pulled out smoke pellets from their pockets.
“I thought you would never ask. Trixie just requests that you don’t try and walk on all fours like the last two that came here. Trixie doesn’t think her reputation can recover from that.”
“T-Trixie wasn’t going to try that!”
So she was a bad liar when caught off guard in every universe. Good to know.
They even dropped their smoke pellets at the same time, dazzling the crowd with the glorious display of an exit that was truly worthy of two wonderful performers!
Unfortunately the joint timings meant they both tripped over each other after only getting a few feet away from the crowd in unison as well.
Thankfully, said crowd wasn’t too interested in intruding on their privacy, and also had exams to worry about, something that always took priority over any strange magical events after the 17th time the school got wrapped up in something like that. It had already become the norm by the time of the friendship games, even the staff aware of its existence, and at this point it was just part of what made CHS the school it was.
For a magician like herself, it should have been a dream come true, being so close to real magic. It was something people thought was fake for centuries, suddenly proven as fact, and she had a front row seat to see it unleashed.
It still was wonderful of course, but she couldn’t help being annoyed too. Turns out real magic appearing made stage tricks and illusions look worse in comparison regardless of their actual quality. That had the side effect of feeding her doubt as well, the worries of not being taken seriously, of being the punchline to every joke, being seen as anything but Great and Powerful.
If she even figured out what she wanted to do, what then? Go away from real magic? The extraordinary that had so quickly become the normal? Would the students that came next even have to deal with magic? Go through similar trials as them? It was strange to think about, especially on the border of the old and new.
“So… it looks to Trixie that the crowd has mostly gone now. So we should be fine talking about whatever you wanted Trixie for.” Her counterpart said as they reached a bench, trying not to look too relieved at the idea of sitting down.
“Trixie supposes. Although, it is a little confusing talking to somebody with the same name as me… I know! Henceforth you shall be known as Tworixie!”
“Trixie will walk back to Equestria and shatter the mirror behind her if you call her that again.”
“Or just Trixie works too.” She added meekly, doing her best to maintain her confidence despite the worry she was feeling.
“You don’t need to be so worried, you know.” Her counterpart chimed in, Trixie jumping a little as she was cut off before making any other excuses. “Don’t try and say you aren’t nervous. Trixie knows her own habits.”
“R-right… sorry. I just… well. Don’t know where to start.” She admitted weakly, focusing on looking at the ground while the other girl chuckled.
“Then it’s lucky for the both of us that Sunset Shimmer included some information in her message to the princess. She said you were having issues deciding what you wanted to do in your future? Not sure how I’m supposed to help to be honest. Ponies aren’t really experts on whatever you do over here.”
“That’s pretty much it honestly. Everybody else at the moment is going on about self reflection, and since I have no idea what on earth I’m supposed to do with my life, I thought I’d ask… well, myself.” The girl explained, the other her raising an eyebrow in response.
“Can’t you just be a magician or something? That’s what Trixie did! Barring a few exceptions, that has gone wonderfully for her!” The other her rose her voice confidently, even swishing her cape a little for effect. “Surely another Great and Powerful Trixie would also be interested in magic?”
“It’s not that simple over here though. Stage magic has always been one of Trixie’s passions, obviously. But you can’t really make a career out of it unless you're good. Like. Really good. The performers that are who they say. That don't have to remind the audience who or what they are.” She muttered, frustration and despair clearly audible as the other girl looked at her in pity.
“Ah.” She said plainly. “You have them too.”
“Heh… was Trixie not supposed to? She thought if anything, you would be the one without issues when you live in ponyland.” She laughed humorlessly, before sighing. “It's hard to imagine any of you could doubt yourself like me.”
“Ha. Sorry to disappoint. If anything Trixie thought you wouldn’t have her silly little concerns. The others made this place sound so… simple. I just assumed you would have nothing to worry yourself with over here.” The other her explained sadly.
“So… he’s not there for you either?”
“Nope. Probably doesn’t even know I exist.”
“I-I’m… sorry. Did… she stay at least?”
“What? Of course. You know how stubborn she is. That woman didn’t care that he wasn’t there, Spectacle Lulamoon always liked a challenge, she said. Raising a child alone was just the latest on the list. But… if you asked… did she not stay for-”
“No! She stayed for me too. I was just… wondering how similar our backgrounds were.” Trixie explained, both of them lost in thought from days gone by.
“This isn’t just about your future, is it.” Her counterpart stated.
“Ha. I wonder if that’s a sign of me being the easy and readable Trixie or you being the all seeing and observant Trixie.” The girl sighed, unsure just where to start.
“Well… if this is anything like what I worry about. I might have an idea what’s eating at you, if it’s anything like me. You love magic. Stage magic. I love it too, it struck the line between fantasy and reality, it takes audiences on journeys through wonderful sights they could never have imagined. I was good at real magic too, but this, this was my calling.” The pony girl sighed, staring at the wand pattern that had been stitched into her sleeve.
“Well… Trixie may have had a little more help than you did when it came to figuring that out.” Her counterpart laughed to herself a little at her own comment, ignoring the confused look Trixie gave her in return.
“You're right. That’s pretty much how it went over here. And, you know, it was what he did too. It’s stupid that made me feel closer to somebody I’ve never even met.” She paused, sighing to herself before continuing. “But I learned to love it all for what it was. I believed in magic, even when I was the one faking it. I used to imagine performing in front of an audience would be the most wonderful feeling in the world.”
“Oh, so it went as well for you as it did for me. I don’t know if that’s comforting or depressing.” Her pony counterpart remarked sadly.
“It never goes well for us, does it? I tried putting on shows all my life, not to show off. Not since I needed attention to function. But… since it was fun. It was fun and wonderful to lose an audience in magic like I did and just… pretend. Pretend I was great and powerful. Pretend I was able to deal with every worry and concern possible. Scream it out to the world in a way… that they might believe it. And if they did, maybe I would too.” She leaned forward, sighing as she looked up at the sky. “Acting like that is the greatest trick I’ve ever managed to pull.”
Her pony counterpart was silent for a moment, looking at the other girl in pity, relating to her not being difficult at all.
“I know what you mean. Playing that part was all I could imagine doing to gain confidence. It helped to pretend. At least, Trixie thought it did… but Trixie might have just wanted an excuse. An excuse to be loud. An excuse to scream at the world so it never forgets you. So nopony ever forgets you ever again. That you're anything but nothing.” She explained sadly, eyes still focused on the girl who nodded in silent agreement.
“Does… does it scare you too? Being forgotten? Being so worried that you’re nothing but a nuisance to all the wonderful people around you? To the point when you can’t help but worry and stress about every social interaction? I started putting the show mask up outside of performances. Acting great and powerful all the time. Since that’s who I wanted to be. So maybe if I did that, it wouldn’t just be Trixie who believed it.” She felt cold admitting it out loud, small and embarrassed even with the logical part of her brain pointing out the other girl would have gone through similar experiences. It was probably stubborn pride that was annoying her, not wanting to actually admit she felt weak to others.
“It always makes so much sense at the time, doesn’t it? I went to a school full of gifted unicorns. Where every day was a challenge to stand out. So one day I just… treated it like a show. Things just spiralled from there I suppose. Nowadays I don’t really need to put it on so it’s more out of habit than anything.” Her pony counterpart spoke warmly this time, her bitterness mostly gone as a small smile formed.
“Great. Even another me is doing better than I am right now.” Trixie clenched her fists, cursing herself for looking so pathetic.
“Better is subjective. I envy you, you know?” Those were words she didn’t expect, the girl looking at her pony counterpart with a start as she continued. “You're surrounded by friends. So much younger than when I found them. They were there to stop you from doing anything too bad. What you said you did wasn’t perfect, but that has to be better than what I did. I got so obsessed with petty grudges I let the character take me over, I let myself be corrupted by some magical artefact, and took it out on everypony else.” Her pony counterpart looked pained just mentioning the topic, hugging herself tightly.
“We really are a couple of disasters, aren’t we? The Great and Powerful Trixie. What a joke. They were right to not even consider seeing me that way. I’m just a sad little girl playing dress up and make believe since she's too afraid to think about what comes after. Did you know it wasn’t until this year I even thought about my life after CHS for longer than a moment? I was so caught up in my act I didn’t even see it was close to ending. They won’t remember me how I wanted them to at all. They’ll just remember a failure."
“Ha! Trixie knows that you're being foolish now. If the students at that school are anything like the ponies back home, they haven't got a malicious bone in their bodies. I used to worry about that too, but my friends helped me through it. Turns out you can enjoy yourself more when you don’t think the world is out to get you.” Her counterpart said with a smile, Trixie looking up at her with a dejected look on her face.
”But how can you be sure? You don’t know what they’re all thinking! They c-could be criticising me! Judging me! Why wouldn’t they!? I’m not normal! I’m too different and I don’t know what I’m doing and-“
”First, you need to be calm. Just... pause for a moment. Breathe, you won’t be able to figure anything out like this. If you're so worried about that, you're just going to miss what they do like about you. Trust me, you're always going to be your own harshest critic. Sometimes for stuff you deserve, but most of the time, it’s for stuff you don’t.” The other her explained, her words filled with far more wisdom than would have otherwise been expected from her appearance, showing the extra maturity that couldn’t normally be seen in this world.
Trixie did as her pony counterpart suggested, taking big deep breaths, focusing on calming down and forgetting her worries.
“Oh wow. That really does work, thanks.” She said in surprise, her pony counterpart flicking her hair with a smug grin.
“Of course! The Great and Powerful Trixie never fails after all! That was something a friend taught me to help calm me down. Never fails. As if it would be possible for them to make a mistake that major these days.” She spoke in a tone that took Trixie a moment to place, eventually recognizing it as something close to fondness or admiration, the way that Rainbow talked about Fluttershy, or Sunset about Twilight. That idea alone gave her pause. Could there really be someone out there for her that could be like that? Forget all the magic she had seen since going to this school. That was the most unbelievable thing she had heard in her life.
“Thank you. The relieved and calmed Trixie appreciates the support. But perhaps you're right. Trixie may have gotten too caught up in maintaining her image to see if her fellow students cared for the girl that was behind it. Now that I’m thinking about it logically, there’s really no reason to be worried at all! Trixie takes part in their musical numbers, and has friends! Not just Maud and Sunset!” She exclaimed confidently, rising up with a small smile.
“There we go! The motivational and inspiring Trixie is pleased that her help was useful for someone as great and powerful as Trixie! Oh, Trixie sees your point now. This is a little confusing…” The other girl admitted with a laugh, the lighter mood putting both of them more at ease again.
“Thank you. It’s good to know that Trixie isn’t a fatherless, untalented screw up in every universe. Or any universe I suppose. Although that probably isn’t going to stop me from worrying that I am often though… I’m just determined to make myself miserable, I guess.” Her pony counterpart rolled her eyes at the girl’s words and scoffed.
“Shhh. We’re having a moment. It’s good for you.” Trixie giggled from the older girl’s words, the pony pausing for a few seconds in thought before continuing. “You just need to remember. You're the one who decides being Great and Powerful is an act. You're so much more than you think you are.”
“I’ll... I’ll do that. Thank you. Man, it’s weird thanking yourself for a pep talk...” The girl said, scratching the back of her head as her counterpart laughed.
”Well you were the one that asked for me. You should have expected the greatest and most powerful advice imaginable!”
“Oh right! We really did get off topic, Trixie didn’t mean to turn this into an improv therapy session. Especially one you were surprisingly amazing at...” Her counterpart gave a knowing smirk from her words, somehow looking even more smug than normal.
”Of course Trixie is good! She didn’t get the job as the School of Friendship’s Guidance counsellor for her good looks! Although, rest assured that surely had a part in it.” Her pony counterpart said with a smile, looking quite pleased with herself, Trixie staring at her in shock as the words sank in.
”Wait... so you have a job? You're a professional counsellor? At a school!?” She put aside questions like how a school could teach something like friendship for now, more concerned with the other part of what she heard.
”Oh don’t be too shocked. The observant and passionate Trixie has always been skilled at reading ponies. While also being one who can argue for every creature.” She explained casually, the other girl staying silent as she became lost in thought.
She had always found it easy to read people as well, that came naturally from wanting to be a performer. Getting a good read on all the different people at once, making mental notes on what got the best reactions.
Trixie never thought about it being a possible career before, the skill something she was just good at. Was it really that much of a talent? It was something that was pretty effortless. So the idea of making it into a proper career and enhancing it overtime had never really occurred to her.
Could it really be that simple?
“So then, you said you needed help to decide your future? How else can the guiding and wonderful Trixie help you tod-“
”Actually, I think you already have.” Her pony counterpart blinked at her, tilting her head in surprise.
”Huh. The wonderful and intelligent Trixie is even better than she thought.”
Thankfully, the crowd that had been around the statue had mostly dispersed by the time the two returned, Trixie relieved at just how much better she felt with herself. Most of her doubts had condensed into forms that were much more manageable for her to deal with. Maybe she should consider talking about her problems more often. Maud did say her messages were always open after all..
“And here we are! Have to say, Trixie expected the portal to be... well, more dramatic than this.” Her counterpart muttered, putting her hands on her hips after she steadied herself, still unused to the different centre of gravity that came with her new form.
”Trixie thinks it makes a nice change. Most things here tend to be dramatic enough already.”
She said, her pony counterpart scoffing in agreement.
“Oh quite right. I wonder if every Trixie is cursed to be stuck living in places that get filled with chaos every other week.”
“Huh, is it that common for you? It’s like every other month here. Guess I don’t have it too bad after all.” Trixie expressed in surprise, her counterpart narrowing her eyes as she turned to face her.
“Definitely consider yourself lucky then. It’s been quiet back home lately, but I’m certain somepony will go crazy any day now. It was basically a given when I arrived. Besides, there’s usually antics of some kind going on…” Her counterpart was trying to sound annoyed, but the fondness and affection in her tone couldn’t be missed, something that reminded Trixie what she needed to ask before they parted ways.
“That reminds Trixie… she had something to ask you before you went home… if you don’t mind and all…” She asked nervously, twiddling her thumbs as the other Trixie gave her a judging glare in return.
“Obviously Trixie is fine answering! What in Celestia happened to your confidence?” She answered in annoyance, making the other girl squeak before shooting back a reply of her own.
“I-It’s just a sensitive topic, ok? I can’t just ask you without checking first!” Trixie shouted with a blush, only causing her counterpart to roll her eyes.
“You worry too much. Was I really this bad before I stuck around Ponyville?” Her counterpart sighed, the annoyance she felt from those words finally enough to push her over the edge.
”F-fine! Well it’s just... you sounded like you might have... someone s-special back home... so I was wondering... if I was right?” She asked as confidently as she could, her counterpart looking surprised for a moment before smiling with a blush.
”Oh... yeah, there is... somepony like that. Somepony that’s really important to me... I probably wouldn’t be the pony I am today without them.” She spoke softly, looking wistful for a few moments as Trixie was lost for words.
It was undeniable now, the fact that her counterpart was in a relationship. That she was able to find somebody that could tolerate her. They had to have fallen in love with the act, right? That was the only explanation that made sense. But even if it was genuine hew could she be in one without worrying about what haunted her the most about the idea?
“But… how?” She asked, shaking a little as her counterpart turned to face her. “How do you know you won’t leave? Like he did?” Whispered Trixie, saying her fears aloud even though she wanted nothing more than to actually disappear.
“Because…” Her counterpart began before pausing, taking a few moments to find the words for what she wanted to say. “When she looks at me. She doesn’t see that. She doesn’t see what’s missing. What wasn’t there. What I don’t have that others do. All the things I stress about every day in the mirror or in my head. She looks at me and sees what I always wanted ponies to see and more. Not the Great and Powerful Trixie. Just… Trixie.”
Her words came right from the heart, filled with passion, sincerity and love, such emotions strange to hear on her own lips. It sounded perfect though, the exact kind of relationship she had dreamed of having on more hopeful days, the romantic in her swooning at having a lover just like-
“Wait. Hold up. ‘She’!?” Trixie asked in confusion, full meaning of the words finally sinking in, her pony counterpart looking at her in confusion, then shock, then dread.
”Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh Celestia, you haven’t realised that yet. Does this count as interference? Is this what Twilight meant by interference?”
“R-realise what!? What do you-“
She didn’t even get the chance to finish her sentence before the pony girl threw another smoke bomb, dashing to the portal with a final shout.
”YOU ARE IN FACT THE INCREDIBLY LESBIAN AND GIRL LOVING TRIXIE! YES I AM VERY CERTAIN, AND YOU SHOULD BE TOO! TRIXIE WILL NOW MAKE HER GRAND EXIT AND HOPE TWILIGHT DOESN'T BANISH HER TO THE MOON WHEN SHE GETS BACK. FAREWELL-ELLLLLLLLLLLLLL!”
Her goodbye led into a shout as she took a wrong step on her cape again, the girl losing balance and rolling right into the portal, the surface rippling as Trixie was left alone with her thoughts once more.
For a moment there was silence.
”WHAT!?”
Many months later, Trixie sighed to herself, trying not to make her nervousness obvious as she walked down the corridor, feeling very small indeed in the massive university. Sire's Hollow was far from where she imagined she would end up back at CHS, university not really something on her cards before that fateful talk to her counterpart that day, the same one that had planted the idea of pursuing sociology and psychology into her head, things that would help develop her skills of reading people that she already had.
This campus was the best option for her goals because of that, the results more than speaking for themselves. It took a whole lot of studying for her to get to the point she had today, an incredibly stressful experience that was only leading to even more of those emotions in the future.
That along with the other bombshell dropped on her by her counterpart were what occupied her thoughts the most as that chapter of her life came to a close. She said goodbye to all her friends, those she knew all truly cared for her in their own way, and made sure she could stay in touch with Sunset if she needed it. That girl and Maud were the best friends she could have ever hoped for, and they were bonds she would ensure wouldn’t fade easily.
With that, she left the school behind and real magic along with it, although it certainly wasn’t goodbye forever. Besides, her tricks were so good she would make anybody believe it even without Equestrian magic floating around.
But now she had a new start ahead of her. A new beginning, a journey she would have to embark on alone. Without a single familiar face.
”Ugh, would you hurry up! We'll both be late if you keep being this slow!”
Or at least, that was the plan.
Trixie groaned, turning to face her disgruntled roommate with a scowl, who gave one just as intense in return.
“Trixie was just being introspective! Nobody is forcing you to keep up, Indigo!” She snapped.
”I’m just being polite! I didn’t expect to see anybody I knew over here! Let alone be roommates with them! Even if they are from a rival school, I’ll take what I can get.” Indigo answered, smiling confidently in a way that reminded Trixie way too much of Rainbow Dash.
“Trixie appreciates the thought. But we already had time to bond yesterday. And we will have more time later today. And tomorrow. Trixie’s point is we should not be doing this on the way to our first classes!”
“Ok, fair enough. I tend to talk a lot when I’m nervous. Or at least that’s what Sugarcoat said... message received. You know, considering we all had chances to go to the same universities and colleges this entire time, the whole rivalry between our schools really was a waste of time, huh?” The girl commented, putting her arms behind her head and looking around at the various people exploring.
“Trixie thought the Friendship Games made it all too clear we were taking things too seriously.” She quipped back affectionately, Indigo smiling back sadly.
“I’ll say. Have to admit, peer pressuring one of our teammates into becoming a she-demon wasn’t my finest moment.” Indigo admitted, trying not to show her guilt. “Thanks for taking care of her after that. Not sure if any of us mentioned that enough.”
“Oh Trixie didn’t do too much. But don’t worry, Sunset Shimmer and her friends treated her wonderfully. Based on what I saw at least. If it helps, Trixie’s made mistakes too. And that song you did was really catchy.” The girl said, comfortably turning to face her friend while walking, Indigo’s smile growing wider before her eyes widened slightly.
“Good. That girl was way better away from us. And thanks we- wait, Trixie! Look-”
SLAM
Indigo flinched, her warning coming too late as Trixie slammed right into another student, both girls crying out in pain as the books she was holding went flying all over the floor along with them.
“Wow. Ouch.”
“Oh gosh! I’m so sorry! I wasn’t looking where I was going at all!” The other girl apologised, quickly getting to her feet and frantically picking up everything.
“It’s fine! Besides, it was my fault anyways, I should have been more focused on what was… right in… front of me.” Trixie’s mouth went dry as she looked up, handing the remaining books to the very gorgeous violet skinned girl that was before her.
“Nononono, I was all me! My friend ran off to his first lecture since we lost track of time and my class is on the other side of campus! So I was dashing there without looking and I’m so sorry!” She exclaimed in a panic, double checking all of her books, while the normally confident girl tried to remember how to properly form words.
“Oh how rude of me! I’m Starlight! Starlight Glimmer! And you are?” She asked sweetly, smiling wide at the internally panicking girl that was suddenly very grateful she had a heads up about her sexuality as she took a deep breath.
“Call me the-” She paused for a moment, before smiling as she spoke in a softer, more normal tone. “Trixie. My name’s Trixie.”
“Nice to meet you, Trixie. Hope I see you around sometime! I really need to get to class now though! Bye!” Shouted Starlight, before running off into the gardens as Trixie watched in a daze, the girl staying silent for a moment before she turned to face her friend, freezing at the wide smirk on her face.
“Shut up Indigo.” She harshly whispered, seriously hoping she wasn’t blushing as the girl laughed.
”I hadn’t even started yet! But sure, I won’t say anything.” She giggled, Trixie’s stare slowly looking like it was trying harder and harder to physically harm the girl in front of her.
“Do you have anything else you want to add?” Trixie said with a blush, unable to deny that something deep inside her was much more excited for the days ahead than it had been a few minutes ago. Indigo paused, putting a finger to her chin as she thought to herself with a “hmmm”, before smirking once more.
“Just make sure I get to do a speech at your wedding.”
At that moment, Trixie knew that somewhere, somehow, Sunset Shimmer was laughing at her.
Author's Note
Trixie is one of my favorite MLP characters, so when I started doing MLP fics, she was naturally close to the top of ones I wanted to shine a spotlight on, something that was only strengthened by how little we know of her past before Boast Busters. I wanted to write something that explored that, and when I had the idea of involving Equestria Girls later on, everything came together from there. This was a lot of fun to put together though! So I hope everypony enjoyed reading it!
Also another now traditional thanks to my constantly suffering friend who has to help me plan fics about my horse obsession before also editing them!
