Like An Atom Bomb

by That Gamer

Rating: mature
Tags: Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Rarity, Queen Chrysalis, Romance, Sex, Random
Length: 15681

A parody of "Like A Sex Machine" by cleverpun! Rarity is a changeling!... That's about it

A parody of "Like A Sex Machine" by cleverpun (parodied with permission, of course). Now with double the words for double the fun!... Yippie skippy.

One day, the fabulous and sadistic Rarity wakes up to find that she's a changeling! Does she panic? No, silly, that would be in character. Instead, she decides to go on a wild, sex crazed romp through PonyVille, doing everypony as anypony! Apparently, Chrysalis thinks she should've thought her plan through some more.

Rated "M" for obvious reasons.

And for those of you who can't stand this story (all twenty-two of you), you can always read the original. No big deal, it's just, y'know, pride and all.

And thank you the Train Wreck Explorers for including me in a folder of Bad Trollfics! It's my first fanfiction to be a part of a group and I'm honored! Don't worry, you guys, I'll try harder next time to make a good trollfic! Y'know, like The Sexual Misadventures Of Big Mac and Celestia's hard day.

Published 2012-09-19 05:44:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-28 21:16:46 UTC

Get Up And Go

A/N: For continuity's sake, this takes place after Vinyl Crosses Abbey Road (if I ever finish it, because I'm at a complete writer's block right now in terms of that). So here's a parody of a little gem I found.

-LAAB-

Hey, kids! Remember that one fanfiction where Scootaloo was a changeling? I don't. Or that one where Pinkie was a changeling? Didn't care to read that one, so no to that too. O-or Twilight was a Changeling? ...Neither do I. And this has nothing to do with that, except for the fact that it's a unicorn as a Changeling. And it's Rarity. And she's horny as heck. And she's completely OOC. Yeah, that does mean she's a sex machine, ready to reload...

Like An Atom Bomb
A parody of a fiction by Cleverpun
Written by That Gamer!

It was actually kind of a shock. Rarity was a changeling and wasn't feeling any kind of shock and/or horror towards it. It was almost like this was a clopf- oh wait.

So, instead of going to try and find help or wondering what caused it, the white-mare who always looked light brown in her own damn house continued to cycle through her various disguises. It was simple: Just think of a pony and BOOM, there you were. They were perfect, except for the occasional moment where she forgot an eye... Or a pancreas... Or that one disguise when she couldn't face right.

And sure, she could have panicked, but, as she returned to her normal self (as normal as Lil' Miss Sadistic Rarity could be), she had a much bigger thought on hand... Er, hoof...

Who was she gonna bang first? Yeah, you read that right. Somewhere, in the vast and weird reaches of My Little Pony fanwork, Kinky Pie is very confused by Rarity's new goal.

"Hello, anypony home? Sweetie kicked me out and I REALLY need to use the bathroom!"

"I don't have a bathroom, FRIEND, but you can come in anyways..."

Rarity nodded and quickly came in. Twilight was reading through a book Rainbow had accidentally left behind that last time she was there.

"Wow, I can really see why this is stupid," Twilight said to herself. She looked up and saw Rarity. "Oh, hey Rarity, my FRIEND, I didn't recognize you until I saw you."

"Of course," Rarity mumbled with an eye roll. She followed this by asking, "Hey, darling, is Spike here? Considering how I'm always paired with him-"

"Actually," Twilight butted in, "FRIEND, Spike went to Pinkie's for some odd reason. She said her oven is on the fritz. But knocking her, Spike's probably DEAD..." and she went into a deranged ramble.

Only barely listening, Rarity went in a little further and quickly used her magic to lock the door.

Twilight jerked her head up. "Y u lok dor?" she enquired. Her eye twitched (no relevance).

"What me?" Rarity asked, blinking innocently and stepping back slightly. "But I can't tell you anyways, it's confidential."

"Confidential my purple flank..." Twilight muttered. She MAGICKED a drink over and drank from it.

"Anyways, how is you sex life?"

There was water and saliva covering the floor.

"WHAT?" Twilight exclaimed.

"It was just a question!" Rarity said quickly. "Just... what would be your perfect stallion... No deeper meaning, just wondering... In full detail please. Height, weight, age, year of birth, nationality, if he can face right, etc."

"W-well, since you asked..." Twilight stammered, starting to file away some fanfiction. "I-I never really though about it... Seeing as how my FRIENDSHIP is more important... But anypony who's smart, I-I guess. Maybe somepony who cares about FRIENDSHIP as much as I do... Somepony who likes BDSM- Wait, that's Fluttershy."

Fluttershy likes BDSM? Well, I already knew that... Mmm... Rarity thought about the moment where that BDSM thing was brought into their minds and laughed and shuddered at the same time.

"Yeah, that was a weird day..." Twilight commented. "Especially with the rubber band..."

"Agreed!" Rarity, guess what, agreed in a singsong voice. "But I also meant physically. What about physically? All I care about is the physics, even though we seem to lack it sometimes!"

Twilight looked around, dropping a copy of My Little Dashie into the trash back accident. "What's g-going on, Rarity? W-w-why are you a-asking t-this?"

"Don't worry, I'm not trying to sell you anything you wouldn't want," Rarity quoted in reply. "I'm just a questionnaire..."

"What?"

"You shouldn't care," Rarity said. She drew in a long, long, long breath and then continued, "I just wanna know... Say, for, example a random fancharacter... MALE, mind you... Comes in, what does he look like? Asks for sex? HARD sex? LONG, hard, DIRTY sex? Sex The Room would be ashamed to have? Tell me, does he look like Pinkie Pie with Celestia mane?"

Twilight quickly looked around and tried very hard to push all sexual fantasies and/or/maybe a fetish(s) out her mind. She got a blush so hard, it made Mario look grey by comparison. And, of course, she continued to stammer some more: "W-well, I-I... I'm more concerned about FRIENDSHIP. I never spent any time thinking about that... And about P-Pinkie, NO! J... Just no!"

"Oh thank Luna... For a second there, I thought you were WEIRD..." Rarity breathed a sigh of relief. "But, back to the topic, maybe that fancharacter looks like your brother? The big, strong, powerful, no-d!ck type? Are you incest? Long, hard, dirty incest? If you really like the fanart-

"Rarity, how much acid did you take? NO I've never thought about my brother like that! Well, not in public anyways..."

"..."

"Sometimes..."

"...3, 2, 1..."

"Whenever I pass by that one bench where somepony carved his name into it."

"I thought so. Ooo! Ooo! What if he looks like some kind of hybrid of Slash and Flea? An awesome top hat, some nice bling and maybe he acts nice... Knowing what I've read in your fanfiction archives... Oh my! And he still has no d!ck. But, hey, he has a top hat."

"A top hat!? Well, now that you mention it..."

"Shut up, I'm still speaking. Hmm... Or what if, just maybe, he was kind of a mixture of both? Like, y'know, Big Mac with a top hat? I've heard a lot OCs go after him... But not as many as Rainbow Dash."

"Why her?"

"I dunno. She's blind, so it doesn't matter."

"Look, I don't know why, people consider her ga- Whaaaaaa?" Twilight finally turned around (yes she never turned around once, go figure) and saw who was standing her. Instead of Rarity, it was a white unicorn with three scars over the left eye, some kind of diamond thing over the right, diamonds for a Cutie Mark, a purple mane. Did I mention said unicorn had an awesome top hat and he looked an awful lot like Shining Armour?... In terms of structure. And Cutie Mark, maybe; I haven't seen him in quite a while.

"Wha- I- Who- FRIENDSHIP~... Rarity... Where... You... Different... Paragraph... WHA?..."

"Stop being paranoid, I'll change to something else... Grambi, you're picky..."

A curtain came out nowhere and covered the stallion who came in from nowhere. A green explosion came from behind it and the curtain was raised. Now some stupid looking red stallion stood there with blonde hair... And the same Cutie Mark.

"When did I have that installed?" And then she put two and two together. "Spike must have done it without my permission, per usual."

"Well, there's that... And..."

"And what? Tell me! Or I will personally have you be in ANOTHER Human In Equestria fanfiction! You're risking FRIENDSHIP..."

"I'm kind of a..."

"What was that? You're like a virgin?"

"Yes. Yes you are. But that's besides the point. I'm a changeling now and I can make green curtains appear out of nowhere!"

"My... How? There's a major plothole here! And I'm stealing Pinkie's schtick!"

"I dunno, I woke up like this. I also heard somepony woke up with Vinyl's sitting on him."

"I-"

"His FACE."

"...That's nasty! But, getting back to FRIENDSHIP, we need to get you some help! You need somepony..."

"Help? Twilight, the health care here is horrible!" Rarity randomly decided to rapidly change her appearance. The curtain gave up after a while. "And besides, I can look like anypony I want! Think of all the rich parties I can get into! All the stuff I can loot! But, don't worry, aside from my new OOC-ness, I'm still myself, aside from the fact that under my fur I'm black and holey." By this point, Rarity had gone through almost half of the Rainbow Factory victims, except Dashie for obvious reason, and Twilight was shocked by the ones who couldn't look left. Noticing this, Rarity started going through the town's stallions. "I'm just really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really - you get the point - horny. I'm like Ebony if she had a brain cell or two! I know this isn't what Chrysalis means by 'feeding on emotions', but, come in, we're on a clopfic! Cut me some slack." She cycled through Big Mac, Rolling Songstone and Shining Armour (who wasn't a town resident, so Rarity was running out ideas). Twilight was dumbfound, not by who Rarity was turning into, but by her idiotic logic.

"And, saying this in a completely different paragraph for no damn reason, you can have anypony you like Twilight! As long as they're blue. And I'll do it right here, right now, anywhere, anytime. As long as it's blue. And I know you're still a virgin (although how I know, I'll be pondering forever), so I might go easy on you..."

"As long as it's blue?"

"That wasn't funny."

"Oh... Hey, I-I'm not a v-virgin!... FRIEND..."

Rarity let out a laugh that ringed in the ears of Bronies everywhere. The mating call of the wild Rarity that became a meme like everything else in the show.

"BULL. Wait, do you like mares then? Ooo, then the fan videos ARE true!" Rarity then started turning into all the mares she could think of, starting with the mayor. THAT was a major turn off. "What about Celestia?! Then the BLOGS must be true!" She towered over Twilight for the a minute or two, going through the various incarnations of the ruler of the land. "Luna! There's always her! I heard some rumours on forums about you and her!" And then she went through all the various incarnations of the lunar princess. Yes, even Woona. A blue spotlight came down all of a sudden and illuminated Twilight's face, making Rarity think she was turning into Sonic. "Come on, anypony you like! Pick a pony, anypony! An- WAIT. It's Nyx, right?" Twilight shook her head rapidly and Rarity changed to something else. "Just think of the sex! Think of the SEX! It's all that matters! Where ever I may roam!" Rarity turned back into herself, looking really dang f[BUY SOME APPLES]g tired. She went to Twilight and lightly wiped some chocolate off her face.

Twilight stood there, her mind leaking out her ears and burning holes in the floor. She was trying way too hard to think about it. But, as a paranoid, virgin, nerd, she had no choice but to give in. Or she could be in-character and refuse, but, you know, clopfic and all...

"All right. I know who I want."

"Yes?"

"You sure you can handle it?"

"Yes."

"Get a pen and paper and right this down."

"Why can't you?"

"Just listen."

"Fine, fine, fine..."

"I want..."

A very long pause came forth and slapped both Rarity and Twilight in the face.

"Rainbow Dash's body, Fluttershy's mane, Luna's mane colour, Pinkie's body colour, Applejack's hat, your eyes, Celestia's size, Vinyl's horn with powers, Derpy's tail, Octavia's Cutie Mark, Carrot Top's tongue, Photo Finish's glasses, Dr. Whooves's bowtie, Applebloom's bow-tie, Shining Armour's d!ck-" deep breath "-with pickles on the side!"

Rarity picked her jaw up from the floor. "Good Grambi, girl, you're damn specific!"

Twilight nodded.

"But, since you ordered it, I have to comply." So she turned into the pastiched pony and chuckled for no reason. Maybe a shudder snuck in. "I mean, DAMN, did you read Veil of Thoughts? Well, you did help write it... Man, that was a weird week..." Rarity tried to push her new mane out of the way (it seemed like it was permanently stuck on the side of her face) and approached Twilight.

"Y u no stallion?"

she quickly turned into a stallion!. "Sorry, forgot." So, now a stallion!, Twilight quickly surveyed him/her/it. She tried to hide her excitement, except for the wet spot growing larger by the second, and just thought to herself in a different paragraph for the third time this fiction:

Suck it, Trebek.

Meanwhile, outside the library and nowhere near the pentagon, Chrysalis was waiting on a cloud dyed pink disguised as a pegasus, apparently Derpy as revealed in the next chapter... Um, spoilers? Back to the topic at hand, she was bored out of her cheese-grated skull. How long did it take to change somepony into a changeling? Well, she knew, but she had selective-short-term memory loss. The Lord Of The Rings took less time then this! Writing, reading, scripting, casting, filming and watching. UNCUT.

Just as she was about to to start messing with these two ponies she saw below her, creaking of wood, breaking of things and insanely horny moans came from inside the tree. Finally! It took enough filler.

She quickly flew the window, smashing into it, but not breaking it. After recovering, she looked inside, hoping to see green cocoons and fis- hoofcuffs. However, she took notice of the extreme rape going, but not the kind she wanted. A tenth of the way through watching the spectacle, she got a pen and paper out of nowhere and started ticking off the various positions that the two inside did.

After the 127th, she just put hoof-2-face, but continued watching nevertheless. After the 272th one, her head was nearly bashed in from banging against the wall, conveniently in time with the banging going on inside. And, hot damn, was there some banging on! In every position, imaginable, from the top and bottom, from any volume reachable and various other factors, like length and time. Especially time, since this had been going on for six hours ON END.

"This is probably the worst thing I've ever done aside from think of it..."

Eventually, a damn month later it seemed like, Rarity finally left the building, sweating, panting, limping, missing a leg, missing some fur and chunks of her head.

"Oh my... That was probably the BEST! POSSIBLE! THING!... Except for a few other times I've been done. I should probably turn back to normal, but that would be convenient. I dunno why everypony's staring. Maybe I should go for Fluttershy next, then Rainbow Dash. I've always wanted to do a blind pony. Vinyl could probably be on my list, but I hate paedophilia... Don't leave any comments or reviews about, it will explained later."

After also stealing Pinkie Pie's schtick, Rarity wandered off in the general opposite direction of Fluttershy's place. Chrysalis stared all bored like at Rarity, then at the exhausted and bleeding Twilight. A couple sheets of Lunaughty were lying around, although I don't know how she could tell.

"I should have planned this out better. And I swear, if I end up being done within the ten hours, I'm gonna eat puppies... FOR BRUNCH."

-LAAB-

A/N: Yeah... Nothing much to say about this. It's just Rarity wanting to bang ponies. And, apparently, Clever here also wrote Think Pink!, which I plan to parody some day, and some kind of other fiction where Pinkie's a changeling. And that's not a parody, so yeah.

I Shook Your Arm All Night Long

A/N: Just saying this... I listened to this while listening to The Rutles and Tenacious D. Just look up "Eine Kliene Middle Klasse Music" and you'll know what I was smoking. Moving on, here's a chapter.

==LAAB:TWOTWPTA==

Like An Atom Bomb: The World's Only Train Wreck Parody Trollfic, Apparently
Chapter II: I Shook Your Arm All Night Long
BYE: That Gamer!

"OH... MY... OH! MY! OH OH OH OH! OHOHOH! MY! OHMYOHMYOHMYOHMY! MY MY MY OH OH OH! OoOoOoOoOoOoOoHhHhHhHhHh!1!1!1!1!1!1 MmMmMmMmMmYyYyYyYyYy!1!1!1!1!1"

"Fluttershy... I thrust once... Could you please wait until I get going."

Fluttershy blinked and noticed that, indeed, Rarity had just gotten started. Oh, they were also in Fluttershy's bedroom 'cause I guess the middle of the road was rented out.

"And, can I ask you something before we start?"

"Sure, I guess..."

"Why did you ask for Roger Waters?"

"Um... I-I just like him, y'k-know..."

"838 bits says you're insane."

"I'm a Hammerskin!"

"Well, last week you were a cult leader, so whatever, let's just get going." And she did just as she said: she started. Eventually, it got to the point where there were heavy grunts but believe when I say that it was not from Rarity. Also, pistons. "Oh, and now you're not making a sound! Sure, when I do it once and once only you go all 'Oh! Darling' on me, yet when I actually do f*ck you, you're quieter then... Insert clever pun here..."

"S-sorry.. I-It's just, y'know, first t-t-time... But... Could you go a little faster? N-not faster as in 'bad-clopfic-fast', but, r-reasonable... B-but you don't have to! I-I mean, i-it's all up to you, y'know... B-but I-"

Rarity slapped Fluttershy. "I'll go faster, all right? I just wanted you to talk, not go on a tangent! Only I may do that!" she kinda-sort-not-really hissed into Fluttershy's ear. So Rarity grabbed the edges of the bed and they snapped off. "Oh... Sorry..."

"It's OK, I needed to buy a new bed anyways. It got pretty when I had that BDSM guy over..."

"Wait, I thought you said this was your first time."

"Oh, no-no-no-no, I meant this is my first time not strapped down while having some male have his dirty ways with me while I'm completely helpless."

That earned Fluttershy an eye roll. So Rarity grabbed a different portion, this time not breaking off for no reason and the previously mentioned piston metaphor got shorter and faster and shorter and faster and shorter and shorter and faster and shorter and faster and shorter and shorter and faster and shorter and faster ('cause this is filler - filling up the time) and shorter and shorter and faster and shorter and faster and shorter, like a racing car passing by, LIKE LADY GIDIVAH!... Sorry.

"Oh! DARLING!" Fluttershy started moaning louder, even though she never started to begin with. "Now, even though I know it's physically impossible, pu-hull-bull my mane!"

"Bruht?"

"A-and, y'know, ta-halk-chalk d-dirty to me! Y-y'know, like we're down in the basement a-and you l-lock the cellar door!"

"How the buck am I supposed to do THAT?!"

"W-why do you th-ink Lauren g-hav you a muh-outh?"

"Oh, sure, 'cause she gave me a mouth for this one moment in time! I mean, forget breathing, eating, speaking- NO! It was for this one moment that could have easily been altered had you not brough it up!"

"You're still g-gonna d-do it, right?"

Rarity would have shrugged, but it would have thrown the world out of order and given Celestia's hard day a chance for a sequel.

"Whatever gets me though the night... Huh-buh-guh-how you do you l-like this, you [insert second clever pun here]?" Rarity started tugging on Fluttershy's mane, making her feel like Molestia.

"You k-know-"

"Stop saying that, cunt!"

"First, that was just insulting... I'm just saying. Second, I said 'you know' instead of 'y'know'. Third, could you please have less hair in your mouth? Fourth-"

"Isn't this what you wanted?!"

"Yeah, but n-not l-like that. Fourth, I pre-furher to be called a 'g-goose step mama'. And third, could you go a little faster?"

Rarity rolled her eyes again and slapped Fluttershy. Man, that Like A Sex Machine fanficton had given her friends some pretty damn high expectations, even they're not as bad as they could be (just look at Twilust). Rarity was totally going to complain about it later.

Meanwhile, at somewhere that wasn't the pentagon, but was instead outside of Fluttershy's place of residence, Chrysalis was setting up her metronome so she could slam her head into the side of the building at the same rhythm as Fluttershy and Rainbow. Sadly, their banging followed the same pattern as a mix between "Tomorrow Never Knows" and "Happiness Is A Warm Gun".

This is worst decision I've ever made since Futa Chyrsais And Twilight Sparkle Have Sex... Or maybe Scootaling...

She would have started hitting her head, but she didn't want to get any stupider and make Rainbow a Change- WAIT.

I can't believe it... I turn Rarity into a Changeling and what does she do? Buck everypony! I should have expected it... I mean, this is a parody clopfic... Well, it's not really clop, but , y'know.

Just then, the sounds of banging from inside ceased and were instead replaced with off the wall moaning. They slowly turned into the sound of knives. Curious, Chrysalis quickly flew up to the window and saw that, indeed, Rarity had whipped out a knife and was cutting into something.

OK, now I know this was a really bad idea... Chrysalis quickly flew to the ground and knew exactly what she was gonna do: March right in there and tell Rarity off for not following through with her carefully constructed plan she had no idea she was a part of!... Need I remind you, her plan was as carefully constructed as a bomb shelter made of tooth picks.

"Ha-ha-ha... This was funny for some reason... And I can't believe you pushed me into the mattress!" Fluttershy was being pulled out of her bed by Rarity, a large blotch of sweat on the bed visible, making it look like they rained sweat. It didn't help that there were ten inches of sweat underneath them. Fluttershy's mane also looked like me before I get forced to get a hair cut... By Russians.

"Well, we sometimes have the same physics as Marville... If Marville was based around the covers and not bad parody." Rarity closed her eyes, but then quickly opened them. She looked up and coughed. A green curtain came down with an "Only Two Months Until Retirement" sign on it. It quickly rolled up and Rarity was herself again, minus her left side. Rarity coughed again and the curtain quickly gave back he right side. For no reason, she bit her lip and it started bleeding. Fluttershy was still a target. A used target that will probably question why you're doing it again immediately afterwards.

No-no-no-no-no, I will have time for this later. If later meant "not at all", considering I have, like, ten more ponies to go through. I say ten because I did everypony in town, I would be doing fancharacters for months and months.

Rarity wringed out her brow and fell down the stairs that weren't there before.

"Finally! You sure took your... Hey, are you alright?"

Rarity regained consciousness an hour later. She stood up and-

"Ahem... As I was saying: ...sweet time doing Fluttershy up there!"

Rarity was a little surprised by the PO'd Derpy, but not for the same reasons.

"Were you watching us?"

"What?! I- No!"

"Oh, I see... Look, if you two have something going on, I understand."

"No, it's not that-"

"However, I do recommend you tell Fluttershy not to do these kinds of things when she clearly has somepony else."

"Will you shut up for a-"

"If not, WHY THE BUCK WERE YOU WATCHING US!?"

Derpy quickly brought a majestic looking orange curtain around herself and was turned into Chrysalis.

"...My point still stands! Anyways, I'm glad you're here."

"Why?"

"I want to thank you for giving me this wonderful power that is sometimes considered a curse!"

"FOR THE LOVE OF-" Chrysalis pulled a frying pan out of nowhere, hit herself with it, then tossed it out a window. "YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU?! YOU'RE LIKE THIS BECAUSE I WANTED YOU TO TAKE OVER YOUR FRIENDS, NOT TURN THIS INTO A LITERAL VERSION OF 'FRIENDSHIP WITH BENEFITS'-"

"Oh, believe me, Chrysalis, baby, I've doing a LOT more than just giving R34 artists ideas..." Rarity licked her lips as she remembered the cheese burger she had stolen from McDonald's.

"SHUT UP! AS I STATED, I WANTED YOU TO TURN YOUR FRIENDS INTO MINDLESS CHANGELINGS, NOT MINDLESS EX-VIRGINS!... Wait, isn't that the same thing?... No, it isn't, SO I'M GONNA USE CAPLOCKS AGAIN!"

"Actually, Changelings transform, virgins and transformed and I'm beginning to think everypony but me has gotten it up the ass. But that's probablt due to a lack of males... And that rubber band..."

"I don't get it, I just don't... How is this a trollfic?"

"Hey! This can't be meta!"

"Sorry... Anyways, I have a mental link with my servants!... A very weak, nonexistent link... Heck, you're the closest I've had to a full one! And you've been doing everypony against my wishes!"

"OK, here's basic logic 101: If you want to take over PonyVille, just find a spell to get rid of our genitalia. Everypony would panic and you'd announce that if they let you turn them into changeling, they'd get their 'stuff' back. And when they agree and you do turn them into changelings, just create a solid mental link; not some flimsy one that can easily be ignored."

"You know, that'd be a good plan IF I WAS HIGH."

"Well, it's either that or nothing, 'cause I just wanna have... Mmm, how do I put this subtly, HARD, LONG, KINKY BUCKING SEX!" Rarity tried to do a pelvic motion as she explained it, but she was on all fours, so it looked really awkward. "I don't agree with the text very often, but I have to right here..."

"Agreed... Wait, we can't be meta! why the buck are you doing it!?"

"'Cause I know how to be a Changeling better then you, so NEYAH."

"Do you even know Changelings reproduce?"

"Considering how many holes you guys have, I imagine it must be pretty hard."

Chrysalis took twenty minutes to take a deep breath and exhale very slowly. "This is just as annoying and pointless and the conversation last chapter..." A glass of water appeared out of nowhere and she took a drink from it.

"WANNA BUCK!?"

Rarity face was covered in green spit and water, also green.

"Are you serious!?"

"As straight as Rainbow Dash is supposed to be... Wait... Reverse that, thank you."

"I'm not going to BUCK YOU. That is EXACTLY the reason why I'm HERE."

"Aside from taking over PonyVille? Are you suggesting that you just expected me to take over PonyVille with no problem?"

"NO! It just... We don't reproduce that way!"

"Then how do you!?"

"I HAVE NO BUCKING IDEA!"

"See? You've obviously never had sex before! I mean, why else would you be like this?" Rarity giggled quietly. "Biscuits and gravy... Heh..."

Chrysalis started to blush for reason despite [SENTENCE INCOMPLETE]. "Are you deaf and dumb? It's because you-"

"And all that time you had with Shinning Armour! ALONE, I might - no, MUST add! Sure, it's a Y-rated show, but... Oh..."

"OK, forget! Just forget! Forget it, forget it, forget it! I may have wasted all my magic reserves transforming you, but I have barely enough to get you on my side! SO WELCOME TO DIE!" Chrysalis fired a green bolt at Rarity. It bounced off her face and broke on the floor.

Chrysalis's face fell and she had to pick it up.

I should have thought that through a bit more.

"Hey, Freddie, I was gonna go see Rainbow, but I really don't care for the blind as much as I should. Let's just say... They don't see what I do. They don't see anonymous questions every damn day!"

Chrysalis could has tried to teleport away, but she chose to run instead. You can tell that she was having an off year. She did try, but she ended feeling some kind of pulling on her neck.

"AH! CHOKING ME, CHOKING ME, CHOKING ME!" She said before noticing the MAGICK blue chain around her neck... And her hooves. And her tails. Her mane. Her horn. Her wings. HER HEART... OK, I was kidding about the tail one.

"In a different paragraph, I CAN'T BREATHE, I CAN'T BREATHE, I CAN'T BREATHE!"

"Hey, no breathing allowed while I'm raping! THOU SHALT ONLY FEEL THYSELF BEING INVADED!"

"Then could you please loosen your grip around my heart?"

"Yeah, yeah, no, buck you, I'm the dominant one here."

And with that, Chrysalis was lifted off the ground and was layed on Fluttershy's couch. It was promptly broken.

"Look, I know I may be weak in terms of magic and I know you might be stronger then me right now and I know I'm at your total mercy and I have no way of escaping but I am a Queen and that can automatically can get me out of any situation!... Aw, screw it!" She started trying to chew off her arm. She quickly stopped as she just found out she hated the taste of black licorice.

"Look, you've said it once, so I'll say it again. Shut up. Shut up and relax. I'm going to buck you. Buck you gently... Which reminds me."

Rarity quickly used her magic to put on a CD.

"You really need to put that on?"

"Well, unless you want me to buck you so hard your eyeballs are half way across the room and your legs are down your throat."

And with that D continuing to play. Chrysalis's ego was starting to fall and it was already below the surface, so it was technically getting burned alive. Of all the fanfiction she had heard about, there had been rape in a couple. And if this was anything like what she read, it was gonna be over the top and stupid.

"LET... BE... NATURAL..." The quote didn't do anything.

"So you know who The Rutles are, interesting... Well, let's try to get you turned on. OOO! What about your mortal enemy?" Green curtain, then Celestia.

Chrysalis let out a long, snake hiss. Well... It at least sounded like that in her mind. It was really more like a long raspberry.

"Guess I was right about the mortal enemy thing."

"NO! You got her mane wrong! Don't you know anything about her?!... GAH!"

"Pfft... Somepony's pickier then she should be. Well, who else do I have on the royalty list? Shinning Armour? No, that's too obvious. Cadence? No, you're gonna be here. Amber? No, that fanfic got cancelled. I know! Nightmare Moon!"

Green curtain, then Nightmare Moon with a dick. She tried to flip her mane, but it was much like Fluttershy's - practically glued to one side of her face. Chrysalis, meanwhile, was trying to reach for some salt to mask the taste of licorice.

"Hey, no condiments in my rape time unless it's getting shoved up something! Just for that, clopping! Not sure if you're doing or if I'm, but I'll find a way!"

Rarity summoned a pillow (for a reason I'm sure had an explanation), which slammed her in the face and Chrysalis prayed that it was harder then it looked. Sadly, it wasn't. Rarity sat down (somewhere), slowly rubbing her temples and trying to think of something remotely sexy. Too bad she couldn't get her mind off of that damn Rainbow song.

"What? You can't tell me you've never clopped before!"

Chrysalis blinked at least fifty times within a couple seconds. "No, that's because I live in the real world and I'll be waiting right here for you to join. You may say I'm dreamer, but I'm sure as Venus NOT THE ONLY ONE."

"...Why the buck did you just quote 'Imagine'?..."

"What?"

"EXACTLY."

"Well, I'm still not going to-"

"Me are the dominant. You is the submissive. And here's a fun fact! My hormones still run faster then Sonic the Hedgehog on speed! You changing me into something else didn't change a thing! Except my appearance. And maybe a few vital organs."

"I guess your brain was one of them..." Chrysalis tried an attempt at making this story funny and less troll-y, but she was getting more into it the more she thought of it. Rarity's clopping going back to piston-mode had something to do with it as well. Hey, if you saw Nightmare Moon with low hanging fruit, you wouldn't ignore it.

Rarity started to finally pay attention to Chrysalis and noticed her interest rising. Deciding to be a jerk to Chrysalis, she started to move one chain towards her groin. Too bad she chose the one with the main.

"AH, AH, AH, PAIN, PAIN, PAIN, STOP, STOP, STOP!"

"Sorry. It's this one, right?"

"CHEST PAIN, CHEST PAIN, CHEST PAIN!"

"...OK, THIS one?"

"I'm left hoofed!"

"This is your left hoof."

"My BACK LEFT?"

"OK, I got it now?!"

"Yeah, just let the good times roll."

"You really know who The Rutles are?"

"I dunno wh- Hey, can we go back to trying to find the right hoof? 'Cause what your attempting to do right now is something I'm not appreciating very much!"

"Tonight I'm gonna clop you, tonight I'm gonna clop you, tonight I'm gonna clop you, tonight I'm gonna clop you, tonight I'm clop you tonight!"

"Oh, sure you complain about me knowing who The Rutles are, yet you know why Spın̈al Tap is?"

"I... Forget it. Could you turn into something smaller? This sofa is already saw dust."

Chrysalis changed herself.

"Twist... Hah-hah-hah, everypony's a comedian. Try something else."

Chrysalis changed herself into Cadence and, judging by the look on her face, Rarity started to make her rub herself a lot slower.

But then her hoof sped up. Chrysalis made a face that said, "Make up your mind!" and Rarity replied with a face that said, "Same here, buddy!"

And mere moments later, Rarity decided to let the chains around Chrysalis loosen. But she would never let her heart go.

And momentum continue to build and build. Suddenly, the piston metaphor seemed more appropriate then ever, 'cause, DAMN, that thing could pump engines!

Rarity herself couldn't take it any longer. She had to buck two ponies in one chapter! Chrysalis herself had become so engrossed in Cadence's body that she wondered why she didn't do this earlier! Like, a month at most. She also didn't notice the huge wanker right in front of her face until she took the tape off her eyes.

"Oh, Discord, that's what it smells like? It smells like Cupcakes if it was a hobo!"

"Sorry, I wasn't able to wash the, ahem, 'mass' I got only a minute or two ago! Anyways, where do you want it?"

"Bruht?"

"The ears, the eyes, the armpits." Rarity leaned closer and tried to look threatening. "Which hole do you want it in?"

"You're lucky I'm not myself or else that would have been a really stupid question."

Rarity slapped Chrysalis and moved her other hoof in a circle. "Imagine this hoof is my eyes. They are rolling for you because I've had it up to here with your mouth, young lady. Celestia and Luna better not be as bad as you or else I will be writing a strongly worded letter to Lauren Faust! Now, I'll keep it nice and simple by doing it missionary since I'm pretty sure if I did it any other way, I'd blow your mind like John."

"But I'm not a virgin! Wait, I forgot what I said earlier, let me-" Then thrusting. Back and forth like a saw, or maybe, mmm, I dunno, a piston? Well, if it works well the first time, might as well repeat it!

A few feet away, Fluttershy was leaning on her counter, drinking water, watching it Nightmare Moon do Cadence, clopping to it... LIKE A BAWSS. She really didn't care that her couch's molecules were getting obliterated. And she normally didn't clop, but, when she did, Nightmare Moon was on her couch. And there goes my outside pony references card. Hope you enjoyed.

Chrysalis, on the hoof, was getting her mind painted anything but blue by Rarity. Sensations she never felt before were being crammed into every part of her body as her nerves were getting engsmsploded. Time just kept slipping, slipping, slipping as well, along with the knowledge of how her left wing worked. Rarity's all that seemed to matter at this point.

After a few paragraphs of what was supposed to be humour or what seemed like 5 hours of typing, she (Chrysalis) felt the WORST! POSSIBLE! THING! Rarity... WITHDREW (the horror)! Chrysalis suddenly remembered that she was herself. She also noticed that the room was ten inches underwater and, for some reason, she had an atomic pacemaker.

"So, Freddie, how was it to get done by Nyx?"

"Hue-hugh-huh-guh, pacemaker..." Due to Chrysalis's confusion, she really couldn't say a lot. But she could say this: She most definitely was the fool off the pill... She did not know what "pill" meant, obviously.

"I accidentally ripped out your heart, so I had to replace it with something. But I can tell that you enjoyed it anyways!" Rarity was suffering from starvation and a lack of sleep, but she decided that being Nightmare Moon was boring and, after reading Nightmare Woon, this is really awkward, so she decided to go back to normal. "Oh, Fluttershy, you done hiding out back there?"

"Just... A... Second..." Fluttershy gasped, trying for the sixth to get up (and go) and eventually managed to climb up on a stool. "Au-bu-cu, what?"

"Go get Chrysalis and me a glass of water or something."

"But she, uh, already has one... I-I'm just saying."

"That's a glass made for spit takes. Go get us a real one. And after I leave, you can take care of her. I've seen your sex toys."

"Y-you mean my hammers without the head?"

"What the buck is with you and hammers?"

"I d-dunno. And d-didn't Chrysalis try to t-take over Canterlot? It seems like a really bad idea."

"Have you seen the choices we've made so far? Chrysalis turned me into a Changeling and leaves me all my free will! I turn into a Changeling and I decided to do everypony! Twilight knows I'm a Changeling and takes advantage of me! Chrysalis comes to chew me out and I buck her mind out! Doing this is the only sensible thing I've suggested all fiction!"

"Well, when you put it like that..."

Rarity grabbed the water Fluttershy never got her and downed it all in one gulp. She then grabbed the one that was meant for her, went to Chrysalis and threw it in her face.

"Drink this, bub. I'm gonna ignore Rainbow Dash again and go screw the mayor. Fluttershy here is gonna keep a close eye on your and if she had it her way, you'd be shot in a moment. However, I still wanna do you later, so you should be thankful I saved your royally evil and holy flank. And I know you can't go anywhere, but no domination plots, no draining ponies, no screwing over the bridal business and no watching Scary Movie 3!"

Chrysalis nodded and nearly fainted.

"Good." Rarity drank whatever was left in her glass and threw it out the window. It came in through the bathroom window for no reason. "Fluttershy, I know you're curious since the mayor is the last pony you'd think I'd do, but I need to, ahem, CONVINCE her that Chrysalis is no longer a threat."

"You're gonna do her?"

"No! I'm gonna blog the hell out of her! Now, once again, screw the blind, I'mma gone!"

And with that, Rairty ran out the door and into a tree. Chrysalis, who was too bored to do anything, looked at Fluttershy.

"Hammers? Really? I thought I had weird fetishes."

"It's not an addiction!"

"Yeaaaaaah, no."

==LAAB:TWOTWPTA==

A/N: I wrote this over the course of two days and a couple of Rutles songs. So that's the second chapter. I would like to thank the seven people who liked, the fourteen who disliked, the five who didn't bother to read before disliking, the Train Wreck Explorers for taking the time to read my fic and Clever Pun for approving this. It's a little too early for thanks, but I'm just like that.

Won't Use Your Form To Get Fooled Again

A/N: Yep, here's chapter three. In that time, I could have updated Vinyl Crosses Abbey Road. Don't you pony people worry, though, I will get around to that. I have the idea, I just need to write it. In any world, here's the third chapter. I bet you anything this'll get me three more dislikes...

==LAAB==

Won't Use Your Form To Get Fooled Again
BUY: Sonic Generations

"Hello? Anypony home? I was told to come here for plot convenience!" Applejack knocked on Twilight's door again 'cause she forgot her ask. "And what's with all that heavy breathing? Are you cosplaying again? We talked about this!"

"YES! WAIT, NO! I'M DOING SOMETHING ELSE! I DIDN'T JUST GET BUCKED! LEAVE MY PRESENCE!" Twilight's erratic shouting response caught Applejack so off-guard, she landed in a trash can.

"I've never entered your presence. You sure you're- hey, a receipt for Rarity."

"YOU STOOD AT MY DOOR! THAT COUNTS! GO!"

And Applejack got out of said trash can, with only slight difficulty, and started to walk off.

"Normally I'd say that was weird, but it's Twilight. That's as normal as anything in PonyVille. But am I am a tad curious. Why the heavy breathing? Could she have... NAH! That'd be in a stupid clopfic! And, goodness, I'm starting to sound like her, muttering to myself and all. Wait, I'm talking out loud." Applejack looked around and saw that some ponies were looking at her, probably cause of the magnet she was holding and the metal plates in their heads.

"Why are you-"

"Shut up, Nyx! Anyways, moving on with my life, I should go see Fluttershy. Surely she can't be occupied with anything!"

And now for the street report and weather with NyxLight: It was a little busy on mane street. Only one homicide happened and, for once, it wasn't Screwball's fault. Despite the numerous questionnaires, Applejack still managed to get to Fluttershy in under an entire chapter. And the weather was quite relaxing, albeit a few random advertisements. And that's the weather/street report. Back to you, That Gamer!

Thank you. Anyways, arriving at Fluttershy's place, it was surprisingly quiet. On a regular day, animals would be hopping around and protesters would be trying to barge down Fluttershy's door. Even the shed Fluttershy had torn down a month ago was silent.

"Fluttershy? I need to ask you about something I can do myself!" She (Applejack) warped over to the door and started to knock on it loudly. Fluttershy answered promptly, with a rifle in hoof.

"Without staying in the same paragraph for too long, have you seen Rarity? I mean, again, I can do it myself, but, y'know. She was supposed to help me peel a fa- What the bucking hay happened to you?"

"What do you mean? She's in love with me and I feel fine!"

"Who's in love with you? Is that why you have Oreo filling all over you?"

"'She'? I didn't say 'she'! I said... Uh..."

"There's no way out of it. Why do you also look... Winded? And what IS with that white stuff?"

"Oh, that! I had to, um, separate two fighting animals!"

"Your animals fight? They don't normally fight. Sure, they tear each other limb from limb and devour each other, but fighting? That's kind of out of the ordinary! Everything's odd today, I just realized that."

"Hey, my animals can fight! I-I mean, I don't allow it, why would I, but they were really going at it!"

"Well, I apologize. So, have you seen-"

"Really going at it!"

"Yeah, you already said that. Have you seen-"

"Really. Like, for hours and hours and hours."

"Fascinating. Have you seen-"

"In every way possible! It was amazing, really!"

"I get it! Have you seen-"

"Every piece of furniture in my house is destroyed! I've never seen power like that before!"

"For the love of Celestia, have you seen-"

"A-And then I got the cameras out and the chains and the whips and the spaghetti!"

"What do you do on Saturday nights?! And where's-"

"AND THEN SHE BUCKED MY-"

"WHERE THE BUCK IS RARITY!?"

Fluttershy snapped out of whatever state she was in a looked at Applejack. Apparently, the door had somehow been shut, Fluttershy was sitting against it and... You know. Flowers. Realzing all this, Fluttershy looked to the left in dramatic confusion. Applejack looked as well. All she saw were walls of text.

"Well, that sounds... Um.. There goes my brain. Right out ear. Looks like sauce. In fact, you got any jars? I think I could use- Supposed to be finding Rarity! Right... Have you-"

Ignoring her objective once again, on purpose this time, and instead focused on the intense breathing coming from the upstairs. That's right! Applejack has super hearing! "Fluttershy, are you hiding something from me?"

"Are you crazy? I-I'd never hide something from any of my friends. Especially you Applejack! Seeing as how hon.. Hone... Hone... Sorry, I can't say that with a straight face."

"Yeah, that joke isn't as old as Granny Smith. Now, are you sure there's nothing up there? Really sure? As in animals-fighting-with-spaghetti-and-cameras-for-hours sure?"

"Yeah, it's just Angel, I think... I dunno."

"You don't know?! It sounds like he's dying and you never checked on him?! And I thought Spike was bad!"

"He still exists?"

"I think."

"OK then. Look, you just don't need to go up there. I don't think you were planning to in the first place, but, just taking precautions..."

That earned Fluttershy a glare from Applejack. But it was only a poser stare. During that time, Applejack tried to think of legit reason why she wouldn't believe Fluttershy, but she already had her mind melted once and having it melt twice at the same time was impossible.

"I had no intent on watching Angel in the first place... And if you honestly think I did, yeah, rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrright. As I tried to say a dozen times before, I WAS trying to find Rarity, 'cause she said she'd help me with something, but I now feel like strangling a puppy. Thank you. Just out of curiosity, do you know where she is?"

"I think she was headed for the mayor's place."

"Does she hate the bl- I don't care." AJ, 'cause we're using abbreviations now for no reason, turned to leave and fell over. Turning on one heel is quite a pain for the equine.

"Oh, Applejack, if you don't-"

"I don't care, Fluttershy! I already know how much she hates the blind!"

"No, it's not that. Just... Just tell Rarity... Tell her I'm still thinking about her."

"Why? Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Um... Um... Uh... Oh... Oh my Grambi! Somepony just shot Applebloom underneath Rainbow's place!"

"Ah! She's already dead, so it doesn't matter, but I'm still concerned!"

Applejack went off in a dash (git it?) and Fluttershy slammed her door shut, thanking herself mentally for bringing that rifle with her.

Fluttershy quickly threw her rifle on the smashed particles of what used to be her couch, got herself a drink of water from a trashed fridge, put said drink in a ruined cup, drank what used to be drinkable to pony-kind, put the glass in the melted sink and went up the nonexistent stairs to Chrysalis, who was inspecting a photo she found in Fluttershy's closet and clopping like nopony's business (but, somewhere, it is).

"Sorry for the interruption... It was just some pointless filler meant to funny. Well, at least here anyways... I'm really sorry."

"I'd prefer to ask why you're friend thinks I sound like a dying animal, but whatever. Can I have another hammer?"

"You don't need to ask."

"Good, you don't want it back." Chrysalis summoned another headless hammer from out of nowhere, causing Fluttershy to want to bite her lower lip, but she couldn't bend down that far. So she bit her lower lip as she watched the changeling... Well, Fluttershy doesn't know what to call it, but I do! She... She... Hello, this is the new author. The other one got a brain tumour. Anyways, Chrysalis stuck another hammer in herself, which would hurt if you really wanted to think too much about it, and it just looked odd. Then again, what hasn't been so far? Applejack's oh-so-rude interruption caused Fluttershy's libido (I still don't know what that is) to go down a couple notches, but seeing Chrysalis do whatever made it fire on all cylinders. DID I MENTION PISTONS?!

"I think you did. Not to insult you, but, y'know... And... Uhm... Chrysalis? You know that pony you're clopping to? You mind turning into him? Not that you're unattractive, I understand that some ponies have really weird fetishes, but I'm not one of them and I prefer my partners to not be hole punched."

"Well, that's awful rude. But, if you insist, I- OH BUCK! OH BUCK! OH BUCK, THIS HURTS!!! WHY DIDN'T I THINK THIS THROUGH!?! WHY DIDN'T I THINK ANY OF THIS THROUGH!? I'M AN IDIOT, I'M AN IDIOT, I'M AN IDIOT! THAT'S ALREADY BEEN ESTABLISHED!"

"Well, having hammers sticking out of you... I like it. It's-"

-Monty Python's Flying Circus!... Wait, what was I thinking about? Oh, right, Rainbow Dash. It's a good thing I skipped out on the mayor, man is she an ugly bag and a half. Back to RD, she really wanted Twilight in a Wonderbolt's uniform? That's stupid. Sgt. Sprinkles is much more attractive. Thank Lauren Faust she can't see for shit... Rarity thought to herself as she con- PISTIONS!... I'm done. Anyways, Rarity kept going in Rainbow Dash and going out. Where, you might ask? I'm not saying. Back to the story, Rarity had to put the uniform on 'cause, well, Rainbow Dash could still feel and Rarity had to keep up the illusion. But Rarity really didn't like it. I mean, she was chafed getting in all the wrong places ('cause there are right places), the fabric was in negative, it was flashing several different colors, it was a little too tight in the groin area, tearing in several different places and had machinery packed into it. The last four were Rarity's fault.

She felt Dash tap her flank through the twelve layers the uniform had, which meant that Dashie could finally see light. Rarity sighed a little sigh and pulled out of Rainbow's mouth with a loud "POP!" that echoed through-out Equestria. Amber cringed at the sound. Rainbow gasped and fell flat on her back, trying to get the darkness to replace the brightness. She decided to hold breathing off until later.

"In all honesty, Rainbow, you claim to be the biggest daredevil in all of Equestria, yet you only take it one way. Isn't that like being [insert metaphor here]?"

The cerulean pony licked her face. "So what? I'm still a rock star and that tastes awesome! I've never tasted that stuff before, really, but I can tell you this - I hope all of it tastes like that! And I don't feel remotely fat yet! you're failing me."

"I don't get off to fat ponies. Turn around."

"WHAT? Twi- Rarity, are you crazy? I don't want it up the butt! That's too normal!"

"And oral isn't?"

"Well, it could never happen to Colgate!"

"Good point... Hey, you wanna hear a scienmatific fact?"

"I don't know that that has to do with anything, but OK."

"Your ass has the best tastebuds."

"I'm really stupid, so REALLY?!" Rainbow turned around as fast she could, going 360 degrees.
Quickly realizing this for no reason, she turned around completely.

"Yeah, you can taste from your- NOT! For the love of diamonds, for you're so stupidly cute! I could
just buck you right now! In fact, why wait?"

"You liar! How dare thee-" Rainbow stopped mid-sentence when she heard the sound of a curtain falling and then quickly rising. That was quickly followed by Rarity pressing all, and I mean ALL of her weight, down on the partially poor pegasus.

"Trust me, I'm serious. You're gonna be full as the damned. And you're gonna enjoy this. You gonna enjoy this LOOOOOOONG time."

Rainbow tried to look between her legs, but then remembered something.

"I can't see."

"Oh, right. Well, just imagine two long penises... Yep, you imagined it like there was no heaven."

"What are you waiting for, tails?! Just stick them in there AND NEVER COME OUT!"

"I'll come in, if you don't mind..."

Rarity chuckled at her own joke. Thanks to that, she never noticed Rainbow's ridiculously over-confident face. But Rarity already knew how like a virgin Rainbow was, so it was quite pointless... And KUTE!!!

"Well, if you really wanna feel my sexy wrath..." she whispered in a mockingly playful way.

Meanwhile, at still not the pentagon, Applejack had been waiting at the door for at least ten minutes. In apple farmer years, that's forever! All she could really hear with her super hearing was some talking, grunting, moaning, sweating, a pin dropping and an anvil (bang-bang). She tried to open door and saw that it was open. It was reverse psychology at it's finest: leave the door open and they won't enter. However, Applejack was never one to follow rules. Especially math. So, she went inside.

"Hello? Anypony home?.. I got a pair of gohils boots and I got fading roots!"

There was still nopony home, as seen by Applejack's amazing powers of observation. The noises of doom and death were getting louder and clearer, clearly coming from Rainbow's room, which was the most clearly clear room in her clearly clean house. Clearly. Anywho, Applejack didn't feel "safe" in any sense of the word. Partially because she was intruding in Rainbow's place, partially because of how smexy the sounds were and partially because she couldn't walk o clouds. But screw the logic, we got clop! The loud noises suddenly turned into slapping and what sounded like "I told you not to move!". Was Rainbow Dash getting babysat or something?

After hours (ten minutes in reality), Applejack finally found Rainbow Dash's room. You think she could easily find something with a giant neon sign on it, but whatever. When she entered... She didn't know what to think, really. She could have thought anything, but her mind had imploded into little pieces of white dust.

But then her mind reploded when she realized what she was looking at. More pointless clop! It was horrifying, to say the least. Applejack wanted to do anything: Apologize, leave, join in, offer them her supply of cocaine, but she just stood there like a deer in headlights... And much like a deer in headlights, she was pretty much dead. And like a deer trapped in the carburetor, she could only look in one direction and was getting warmer. And it was getting quite uncomfortable.

"So, now that Applejack's done hogging the descriptions, how do you feel, Dashie mah gurl?"

"I don't feel full! You're lagging!"

"Again, fat ponies don't turn me on."

"Yet fluffy ponies and foals do?"

"...You win."

"Yeah! Now fill me up!"

"What are you? The trucks from the cover of that one Aerosmith album?" Applejack finally managed to ask after a few seconds of mental preparation.

Rainbow Dash finally noticed AJ standing in the door with a massive amount of light. If ponies could blush, she'd be as red as a red hot chilli pepper. Or maybe Mario.

"A-Applejack?! You can walk on clouds? How the heck can you do that!?"

"Better question: Why are you Sgt. Sprinkles?! And where's Rarity!?"

"Sgt. Sprinkles!? Rarity, I thought you said I was bucking a stallion Twilight!"

"Well, you are blind, so I had to do it... And as for AJ, you found me..." Rarity seemed to be uninterested in Applejack's appearance (ORANGE!!!) and Rainbow's confusion, anger and disturbance.

"Rarity, are you bucking nuts? You're cramping my-" the argument would have gotten a lot longer, but Rarity quickly summoned a zipper out of nowhere (just because she was a pegasus, doesn't mean she still couldn't use magic) and placed it on Rainbow's mouth. She would not be tasting anything for two minutes.

"I...I should just go and be in a different fanfiction..." But the orange pony's hooves were still on strike.

"Why so scared, Jackie? I mean, come on, time has not ticked away yet and you could be wasting your time in an even bigger way. Like 50 Shades Of Gray!" Despite what some ponies might say, it was really hard to act all cool and hip-to-da-jive and whatnot when you're about to have two orgasms at the same time.

"It's just, you were supposed to... And I got really worried... And Twilight was doing whatever she was... And Fluttershy had a rifle... Applebloom got shot... I can- WHY CAN YOU DO THAT!?"

"Oh, right, I should explain. I... Am the walrus."

"What?"

"Nah, I'm a changeling."

"Heh, that's nothing. Pinkie was one last week. She got over it. However, I'm still gonna act shocked towards you, so, hang on a moment... WHAT!?"

"Thought as much... Also, Rainbow has some weird tastes!"

"Mmmmmmm... Don't stop her now..." Rainbow managed to mutter out, quickly figuring out how a zipper worked.

Applejack was in shock and awe. Not because of the clop, but of the Queen reference! The author wanted to mention the song the title is quoting? The shock was enough to finally get her hooves moving... But it was still damn slow.

"Well, are you just gonna stand there like a mannequin, or are you gonna get the buck over here."

"Well, I was considering it-"

"So that's a yes?"

"I never said-"

"Too late! But, first, have you done it with anypony before?"

"A-and why do you ask that?"

"Virgins are better then anything. And I'm just curious 'cause of all the clopfics, clopart, cloppers, your internet connection, hinted incest, invited alleyway ponies, the list goes on for hours, really."

"Lies! All lies! I'm as clean as a blank slate! Nothing is cleaner then I! I swear by my honest... Hone... Wow, Fluttershy's right, that is hard. But, seriously, I've never done it with any stallion, mare or zebra! I HAVE NEVER BU-" Applejack shoved all four hooves in her mouth, along with her tail, suddenly realizing just how stupid she was sounding.

Rarity rolled her eyes and grinned. "Applejack, what you just said there is like being at a trial and BEGGING to be hanged. Might as well come over here."

Applejack spat hair out of her mouth. "I'm sorry, but I should go, I get really uncomfortable around black ponies... With holes in them! With holes in them..."

"Really Applejack. Really."

"I didn't mean it like that, it's just-"

"You're being racist. And what's wrong with being racy?"

"...That makes no sense."

"As your punishment for being like that, you're going to do it with Dashie here."

The breathing cyan lump that was known to many as Rainbow Dash, but to others as "Spectrum Blitz" or "Darling", grunted in annoyance.

Applejack wanted to leave, wanted to run home, wanted to write about for hours, wanted to remember why she was worried about Applebloom... However, her eyes were trying to find a reason to stay and they were getting desperate. Sure, the plant in the corner looked nice, but it's no reason to get raped. But the eyes of Rarity were her next focus. She never saw Sprinkles's eyes, but, if she had to guess, it was not rapidly flashing back and forth between blue and green. And she was getting LOST... LOST.. LOST... LO- What was she thinking!? She wasn't into mares! Well, maybe there was one, but Nyx was much too young!

But those eyes. Those damn bucking eyes. It was quite hypnotizing. And she was getting further into them. Further... Further... Further... Further... Furher... Further...

"Assuming how far you are in my face, I assume you really want it." Rarity pulled out of Rainbow, who wanted to hiss in disappointment, but was near death again. "Roll over, Beethoven." Rarity COMMANDED and the lump who no longer had a name just barely managed to comply.

AJ telepor'd right next to Rarity, even though she was kind of right next to Rarity, making it totally pointless. But what was even more pointless was what was going through Applejack's mind as Rarity's 'Bolt outfit tore off her, thank the living tombstone.

"Hey, AJ, I know you look kinda tense... But..." Rarity caressed the cheeks of the multiple Applejacks. "I felt your cheek, so I'm, again, right." Her eyes had a message reading "Trust us" run across them and Rarity forcefully shoved Applejack to the floor.

"Ah, my nose!"

"Sorry, Rarity. Didn't know I'd bounce back up that hard."

"Let me just try it again..."

The crocus pony was pushed to the ground again, still forcefully enough to bounce up again, but not enough to give Applejack whiplash. She felt her stomach touching Dash's and felt it rumble. Her explanation: "I'm still hungry!" Also, sweat. Great.

I've gotta be crazy, she (Applejack) thought to herself. I've gotta have a real need. It's Rainbow Dash! I've been trying to prove for months- neigh, YEARS, to prove me and Dash's relationship wrong! I'm not saying it's real, but- In the middle of this, No-Uppercase-rarity decided to finally plumb right into Applejack and Rainbow Dash at the exact same time. Well, that proves one theory possible. And by George (Bush), it felt amazing. Why had Applejack been afraid? Aside from the fact that her friend was a changeling and wanted to rape her. But, really, why? And that feeling of Rarity on top of her and Rainbow below her... The rumours still weren't true.

Dash's mouth hung open for no good reason and she (Applejack) could feel every breath and they smelt and felt awful. I mean, if you ever wanted to know what burning semen (there are some that do) and several colours too hideous to be left out of a rainbow smelt like, it was exactly like that. If you think that was bad, you should have smelt Applejack's.

"I know your breaths suck, but I'm still gonna force you two to kiss... And I'm evil."

Dash almost instantly tried to complain, but, since she's just a lump, we're not gonna be showing you what she said. Instead, Applejack couldn't find anything to complain about. But, wait, what about Rainbow's breath? Well, the smell caused Applejack to lose her sense of smell. Nothing large. Anywho, she (Applejack) felt a fly land on her neck and she immediately felt her lips fall.

Applejack tried to pull away, but as Rainbow's wormed it's way into Applejack's mouth, down her throat, into her digestive track and into her brain whilst Rarity started to, ugh, PISTONED in and out of them, nothing was left in AJ's mind except frayed sanity. And it was bliss, taking her so far away from the past that they might as well have been pen pals.

She (Applejack... Nope, just Chuck Testa... I'll stop) tried to return Rainbow Dash's kiss, but that tongue was much too wormy. And her sanity got frayed further... Much like Rarity's eyes, Applejack found herself getting lost in it, almost like she was stuck in some horribly awesome whirlwind of "Why didn't I do this earlier?!"

Everypony had something to hide except for Applejack and her lightning. She wanted it to stay like that forever. As in, screw their social lives.

My lord, virgins are way too easy. I might as well be tricking the mentally challenged. Rarity thought as her thrusts got faster and faster until Dashie and Jackie started bleeding. Really, none of them would have minded. They had insurance. And as Rarity's eyes flashed green for a second, she remembered she couldn't fly and fell through the floor. Dashie and Jackie didn't mind. And, if you listened very closely, you could hear somepony say, "Are you OK, Sgt. Sprinkles!? Anything I can do to help!?"

[

b]==LAAB==

A/N: Um... Hey, I'm the waffle king... Bonum nocte et fortuna.

Come On, You Metal Boy

A/N: All I'm gonna say is this: Libre Office saved this chapter. That is all. Chapter four, AWAY!!!

It had been nearly a century since Rarity got her Changeling powers, considering how much I've been jumping around. The sun was rising on this particular morning, seeing as Rarity STILL hasn't gotten around to the two princess (she should really just go ahead now), and it seemed to be a normal day. But to a small portion, it was not. Because Fluttershy being a Hammerskin and having Lyra in wheelchair is totally normal.

For example, Fluttershy woke up next to Chrysalis because the two haven't moved in ten years. To say it wasn't awkward, spooning (the "pistol" of this chapter) the queen of changelings, is like saying that Babs Seed isn't a gangster... Well, to ME she is! Moving on, what had made it even worse was all that damn clopping Chrysalis had done. You'd think she was from the Brony Union! But I digress. She also hadn't done ANYTHING even REMOTELY evil since Rarity left, so she never had to ask herself "Am I Evil?". I think her mother was a witch (burned alive, ooo), but that's besides the point. The point is the only thing she did that can be considered even remotely evil was some kinda reverse credit card thing. Whatever that is, it can't be as bad as this. This is true evil.

Applejack woke up next to Rainbow Dash. Yes, in ten years, Applejack not even ONCE thought she might not be able to walk on clouds. Weird, eh? But not as weird as spoonin' your best friend. Apparently, it was even more awkward last night, so Applejack just had slight discomfort this morning. Don't dig to deep into that; I already did. Anywho, just laying there, listening to Rainbow Dash's breathing hop back and forth between soft and heavy as she had even more nightmares about My Little Dashie was pretty relaxing. I think she (Applejack) would have been less relaxed if she had noticed the giant, gaping hole that Rarity had fell through the other night. Technically, however, there were 5 gaping holes in the room. But that's a dirty joke.

Rainbow Dash, on the other hoof, rolled over and snorted, breaking some of the thick fluff that had spawned when they weren't bucking like animals. RD didn't wake up, however, she just kept sleeping. That somehow made AJ feel... What's the word? Lonely? Abandoned? Alone? Apart? By oneself? Comfortless? Companionless? Deserted? Desolate? Destitute? Disconsolate? Down? Empty? Estranged? Forsaken? Godforsaken? Homeless? Isolated? Left? Lone? Lonesome? Outcast? Reclusive? Rejected? Renounced? Secluded? Single? Solitary? Troglodytic? Unattended? Unbefriended? Uncherished? Unsocial? Withdrawn? I dunno. She also felt really cold. Like she was stuck near the Crystal Empire. Not in. NEAR. It seemed to come from ol' Dashie not having her arm around Applejack, which is impossible, since horses don't have arms. They have front legs and back legs. But I digress. The armlessness was probably why Applejack was feeling this, so, to fix this, the orange pony turned over, realized she had done so in the wrong direction, turned over in the right direction and draped her hoof over Rainbow's chest. Pressing her (Applejack's) body closer to her's (Dashie's), she (Applejack) had to wriggle-ma-miggle a bit to avoid Dashie's mane, since it's, apparently, radioactive or something. It felt right. Until Rainbow Dash started strangling Applejack for no reason.

"GACK! THIS ISN'T MY LITTLE DASHIE, THIS ISN'T MY LITTLE DASHIE!" Applejack choked.

Rainbow sighed angrily and put her front legs back to her sides. "You know how I get in my sleep," she muttered.

"I'm sorry, but IT'S REALLY COLD IN HERE!" Applejack shouted. "Crank up the damn AC!"

"I'm in the middle of a dream; you do it!" Rainbow Dash told Applejack, rolling so she wasn't facing the farmer.

"But I don't know where it is!" Applejack argued.

"You'll find it," Rainbow Dash murmured, slipping back into sleep.

Groaning, Applejack decided she would stop being so lazy and just go do it. So she hopped out of bed... And fell through the floor.

"I JUST REALIZED, I CAN'T WALK ON CLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-" Applejack cried as she fell, eventually stopping with a thump.

"About time," Dash said to herself, chuckling a little.

"You OK, Applejack!?"

Let's move on. Twilight was at home, as she had been for a LAWNG time. In another other better story, she would have been surrounded by a concerning number of sex toys. And while, yes, there were a few scattered around, Twilight had already experimented with all of them and was currently bucking her bed. Yes, she actually found out a way to mate with her bed. But it's not unusual. Normally, that would have been EXTREMELY awkward, but she was the only living being around. Her owl didn't count, since writers only care about Spike. Speak of the dragon, he was off at the Cakes, 'cause Twilight told him that she needed to do some, ahem, "adult research on a very high level".

"What? Are you playing Superman for NES? Studying the stock market? Maybe playing Fortune Street?" he had previously asked. Twilight would have asked him what the buck an NES was, but she was currently clopping furiously right in front of Spike, so she had a question.

"Spike, are you deaf, dumb, blind or all of the above?" Twilight had asked in return.

"I thought that was Rainbow Dash," Spike had replied. They both had ignored Rainbow Dash's yelling of "ARE YOU BUCKING KIDDING ME?!", 'cause she had some good bucking hearing.

Moving back to Twilight, she was bucking her bed, having sheets be shoved up her plot, having a cloth rub her (ahem) "teets" and having some kind of stuffed thingy on her horn. Yeah, this is awkward.

But not as awkward as this! Finally getting to Rarity, SHE had woken up next to a filly, a stallion, a dog, a Fix-It Felix, Jr. arcade cabinet, some kind of anime chick and a bottle of ALLHHHH. Except the bottle, it was all pretty awkward. The filly used to be a mare, a DJ in fact, and this was technically the first time she had done anypony ('nother fun fact: they went through ten beds 'cause of the filly's presence, like she was, I dunno, a vampire from Twilight or sumthin). The stallion was a pegasus who used to be a Wonderbolt, but gave it up to be a questionnaire so he could have more time to his precious pie, which he also used in his freaky kind of sex play, which some-brony might use in the future. The dog showed up the last minute, the arcade cabinet was imported from Japan and the Anime girl... Um... She... Buck, I don't know...

Pinkie Pie woke up. Forever alone, my friends. Nothing awkward was here. If you exclude the massive amounts of blood splattered over half the room. The half that was Pinkeamena Diane Pie. The other half was also covered in blood. The half that was Pinkie Pie. But everything was totally cool. Totally normal. BUTITWOULDNTBEFORLONGCAUSERARITYANDITDBETHELASTTIMEINALONGTIME.

Cutting back to Rarity, she was the first one to wake up. (Didn't Pinkie's paragraph add SO much?) Scienmatiffically speaking, Changeling’s didn't really need sleep, it's just that a ton of artists, writers and stuff like to think that Changeling's can, so the species are all like, "We'll sleep if you shut the hay up!" They still don't, but they do it for the fans. Rarity didn't have any fans watching her at this moment in time, so she could spend time dicking around, looking for night clubs and whorses (I'm dead serious, that's how someone spells it) and stuff like that. She only really fell asleep because, well, you can't SLEEP with somepony unless you SLEEP. If you don't, you're just with somepony! And where's the mature rating in that?

She (Rarity) didn't bother showering or putting on make-up, since being a Changeling spoiled her into being a total slob. The power made hygiene so obsolete. Why can't everypony a Changeling? But I digress. Rarity decided it'd be best to shoo the dog away, since Opal would have a fit and there'd be mass hysteria. Rarity also telepor'd the arcade cabinet off someplace else for later usage and threw the Anime girl out the window. She let the other two ponies lie sleeping, so, if the cops showed up, the stallion could be accused of paedophilia and rape. Rarity's a nice mare, right?

With all that not said but done, Rarity strolled out of her house (play this, not because it fits the scene, but because it's pretty awesome) and down the street, confident about the day ahead. Hopefully, she could beat her record of six hours of tail pulling! But that idea got nuked after she had a great thought, making her confirm that her next destination was (colon) Sugarcube Corner!

There was some concern Rarity had. With her other friends, they were all smart mares, so they would all obviously know what sex was, except for maybe Fluttershy, but Pinkie was a blank wall. Who knows how much she got around, if she even got around at all! All her previous friend had internet connection, except for maybe Fluttershy, so that knocked off another thing off the list. But for Pinkie, good Faust! Did she ever take a break from her endeavours? Whatever the heck they are! This was like jumping into [thing here] without [thing here] first.

Be calm Rarity... Be natural... Ya just gotta be gentle with her. Yeah, gentle. Don't throw everything onto her at once. Start with The Sorcerer’s Stone, don't begin with The Deathly Hallows. Don't start with Party(dot)MOV, even though I have no idea which order they go in. Just be sexy, be seductive, be cool, be hip, be Lucas... She may be naive sometimes, but, for the love of Luna, can she be smart!

After that very long motivational poster, Pinkie suddenly opened the door. Realizing she was ahead of the script, she quickly closed it and waited for Rarity to knock. Rarity rolled her eyes and knocked once on the door before Pinkie opened the door.

"Hi, Rarity, what're you doing here, you here for a party, OOO, of course you are, why else would you be here, except for any other reason, I dunno, I can't think, is the fiction gonna end soon, not that one, I mean this one, I LOVE COMMAS-"

"YES, I am here for a party! SHUT! UP!"

"Oh! Sorry!"

"Yes, of course... May I please come in?"

"Sure as sweet bread! Or soup! Or schweetz! Or Snickers! Or Skittles! Black Snooty, Black-"

"Let me in!"

"OK!"

Pinkie hopped inside, suddenly telepor'ing into the kitchen to finish some kind of chore or whatever. Or maybe to mend a wonky hole in the fabric of space and time. Actually, it's a lot more like a rug, really- Oh, never mind. It could be anything with Pinkie.

"Are the Cakes around, Pinkie? 'Cause, if they are, this'll get really awkward 'cause I don't wanna-"

"No, they left for some reason! They said something about plot convenience or sumthin', I dunno, I wasn't listening! They also took Spike with them, which is sad, 'cause I was looking forward to doing something with him! Don't ask, by the way!" She (Pinkie) responded from the kitchen. Her voice seemed to get quiter for some reason.

A smile creeped it's deathly way across Rarity's face as she locked the door with a burst of magic. The door then quietly squeaked open again and Rarity sighed. She tried again and the door instead blew off it's hinges. Rarity then gave up and just hung a "Sorry! We're Closed!" sign out front. Having finally gotten that out of the way, Rarity followed Pinkie into the kitchen... Only to notice that she wasn't there. And that a door was open. Going through said door to the basement... Well, go watch the video for Cupcakes. It'll explain more then I can.

Well... Maybe she does know a thing or two. I mean DAMN. Got an even better spread then I do!

Pinkie then noticed Rarity. She smiled sheepishly..

"Rarity! Hi!... You were supposed to come down after Rainbow Dash! Ah, forget it. Remember that party you said ya wanted? mind tellin' me?"

"I'm glad to... I want a party... A SEXY party..."

"Ooo!..." Pinkie then put the skull of what used to be Nyx and rubbed her chin with a hoof, getting blood on it by accident. "I have no idea what that is."

"Considering what you have around here, I thought you knew."

"Knew what?"

"SEX. Do you know what that is, Pinkie?"

"Sure! Sex is that thing that happens after two ponies get married! Y'see, after two ponies, both of opposie genders, get married, they have a marriage certificate, which is only the plate for this stuff- meaning they both do things to their private things until marshmallow sauce comes out and they put it in a blender with pig fetus, then they blend it, then they bake it 150 degrees for however long, then they put it on the marriage certificate, then they put it out, then this stork comes and tells them how sick they are and then leaves a foal based on how long they left it in there, hoping they will never, ever, ever, ever do it ever again!" Pinkie took a deep breath, looked off to the left and decided she had nothing else to say but this: "That's at least what my grandmother told me."

She (Pinkie) returned to whatever she was doing with Nyx's skull whilst Rarity just stood there, wondering how bucked up her grandmother really was. Well, she at least had some idea what clopping was.

"Not sure how you gonna get enough fetuses for all of PonyVille. Or, buck, even a small portion of PonyVille! Shouldn't this be called a piggy party?"

"So that... That is your grandmother's twisted, deranged version of 'horseflies and herons'?"

"Horseflies and herons? Rarity, are you suggesting interspiecis relationships? That never works out! Just look at Spike and Rarity! Or Spike and Twilight! Or Spike and Applejack! Or Spike and me! Or Spike and Vinyl! Or Spike and Cadence! Or-"

"That's enough, Pinkie..."

"No, I wanna explain more! I'll even change my name so I can explain more!"

"No, really, that's enough, you've already taught me screwed up your family is. Onto the next topic, do you have internet connection?"

"Of course I do! Everypony in PonyVille has it except for Fluttershy! And possibly Rolling Songstone. Heck, that's how I got inspired to do this!"

"Murder ponies?"

"Yeah, from this nice guy named Sgt. Sprinkles! He's a pretty nice guy. Ooo, ooo, I also go on /MLP/!"

"And have you seen any particular... Posts?"

"Oh, I see all kinds of posts! Mainly show discussions!"

"Any 'I want to cum inside Rainbow Dash' posts? Any 'I want Celestia to pee in my mouth' posts? And 'sexy greentext' stories?"

"No, not when I go on. But I did see somepony claim that Fluttershy was Jesus! Who do ya think that is, Rarity? He sounds weird."

Rarity's hoof was a-shakin' as she desperately tried to avoid slamming her hoof so hard into her face that her brain would come out the other side. At this point, she decided that subtly was getting her about as far as the plot in My Lil' Vinyl. Time to go into the direct metaphors.

"Well, enough about religious debates, Pinkie, my darling. Let's get back to sex and let me just say that it does it does not work that way. Not even close. You were really damn far off. Kinda close, but no cigar. Sex... Physical. A lot more physical. As in, I wanna hear yo body talk."

"My body can talk? I think Fluttershy's body can, but from behind! I've never asked about it before 'cause it's probably not important. But y'know what is important? A fiction about my clone getting a seperate clone then me! Seriously! Or me being a Changeling! Like that hasn't been done bef-"

"Pinkie, can you please shut up for a second? I wanna rub against you for no good reason..." And she followed through with it, sliding over the floor because of how much blood there was on the floor. "I mean something sexual stimulating to the people reading. Like this..." She put a hoof on Pinkie's haunch, which easy since she was standing upright like Lyra, and slowly slid it down towards a series of three periods, which was, again, easy cause there was a lot of blood on her. And lubricant...

"Rarity, you're trying to seduce me! And, for once, I don't think I like it all too much..." Pinkie quickly kicked Rarity's hoof off of her, got on all fours and backed away a little.

"Why do say that?"

"You're not coming onto me fully. That's the shipping way!"

"Well, this is supposed to be a clop fic that's supposed to be parodying a clop fic that's a parody of Changeling fictions, yet failing horribly at it. Seriously, have you seen the contrast between the likes and dislikes?"

"Hey, only I can be meta!"

"Right, sorry... Anyways, I was trying to demonstrate how clopping is supposed to be done. Y'know, you just take your hoof and you put it in that narrow way to heaven. Or maybe I can run into another series of three periods..."

"Rarity, did you just reference a Christian parody of Stairway To Heaven? I thought you wanted to get away from this kind of stuff!"

"Pinkie, knock it off with the references."

"You're the one who referenced ApologetiX!"

"Touche... But, humour me, what do you think clopping is?"

"Of course! It's that sound your hoof makes when it hits something!"

"OW! Pinkie!"

"See, I told ya so! Why're ya givin' me this quiz? I suppose giving it to Twilight would cause her to panic or something, but it's currently not making much sense as of this point in time!"

"Well, if I'm not making much sense, I guess you can't help me. If you really wanted to help me plan this sexiest of all parties, you would say I at least make a little sense! But I guess if you don't want to understand me..." Rarity turned to leave, giving a reasonably convincing performance... But the blood made her do a 360 and her acting was as good as Tommy Wiseau. Pinkie did a spittake anyways.

"Are you bucking serious, Rarity? I'm the only pony in Equestria who can throw a party! I've got a plauqe that says so! And a contract! And at least ten testimonies! If you're going to such little lengths to plan a party, i do insist that I take at least some part in it!"

"Well, if you do insist, I'll show you... In your room."

"In my room? Can't we do it in my life?"

"Only in your room can this work."

Pinkie wasn't one to question things, even when was going to happen was painfully obvious, so she started upstairs and Rarity. On the first floor, Rarity realized something.

"I think I liked down there a lot better," Rarity admitted. "Can we go back down there?"

"Um... I don't really allow ponies down there," Pinkie replied. "But I really want to help you with your party... So... My needs o’er wrought my safety!"

"Your safe-" Rarity began, but decided that it wasn't worth. So the two went back downstairs. Rarity took special note of the table with leather straps.

"So, yeah, we're here in my torture room- I MEAN BASEMENT!... Yea, basement! We're in my basement! What's so special about it?"

"Well, normally, Pinkamena, the bedroom would be the perfect place to do this kind of stuff, but since you have my kind of spread, that's even better... Because sex is intimate!... And I'm not going anywhere with that." Rarity casually strolled over the to table (just like John Travolta) and patted the top of it. It was apparently code for "GET ON HERE". Pinkie was a little reluctant, since she cut open ponies on that, but she was really damn determined to be a good party planner, so she jumped on top and laid down. Again, needs over safety.

"In a different paragraph (this joke was probably never funny), the key to any great party is activities, as you know."

"Except if it's one of those posh parties! I don't like them."

"Yeah, nothing happens at those... You're right. But, my party has special activities!"

"What kind of special activities? Like watching some guy play a video game over the intornet?"

"Nope even more special!"

"Specialnatural?!"

"Whatever you want. The first activity I have in mind is... The Room. The second is my second favourite: Clopping!"

"You mean kicking?"

"No, I mean- OW! You're laying on a table! HOW! Y-y'know, this going on for two long. Gimme dat hoof."

"But what is clopping!?"

"It's when you reach for something, but run into a dash."

"Why would Rainbow Dash be in the way?"

"I SAID GIMME DAT HOOF!" And Rarity grabbed Pinkie's hoof and guided it down to her-

"Rarity, what am I reaching for?"

"THAT. See this? Rub it."

"How?... This is kinda making me uncomfortable. Even more then Awakening Pink."

"Hey, you're the one who wanted to help me."

"Well, you needed help... You needed somepony."

"Yeah, you bet your bucking plot I did!"

"On what?"

"...Just copy me. Follow the leader and do THIS." And Rarity started rubbing herself and Pinkie tried to follow.

"No, Pinkie. I said there."

"Oh, sorry. Lemme try again."

"...Pinkie, I said there. I said there. Said there. There. There. There. There. There. There. There. Ther- ther- ther- the- the- the- the- th- th- th- th- th- t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t- STOP! You finally got it! Now RUB! Rub like your life depends on it!"

"Considering where I'm laying...!"

So the two continued on for a while and Rarity was kinda, sorta getting into it, despite the amount of discomfort popping up everywhere. Discomfort's like the opposite of fluff, really. But just as Rarity's pace started to pick up, Pinkie just HAD to be doing it wrong!

"Rarity, I-"

"Pinkie, dear, darling, sweet child o' mine, I don't know what you're doing, but I do, but you're doing it wrong. Let a master of doin' it show you how it's done."

"Master of doin' it?"

"I like Herbie Hancock, alright?" The white unicorn decided to end the topic there by using MAGICK to sit Pinkie up so that Rarity could go up on the table and behind Pinkie. She then slid her [MISSING MEDIA] in between pink pony's thighs.

"Rarity, you listen-"

"Shh... Just be calm, relax, I'll do it, I'll know when you wanna cum."

"AND Frankie Goes To Hollywood?!"

"Forget my music and get into the motion of the ocean and the sun in the sky."

"And the soundtrack-" Pinkie was cut off by a feeling. A feeling deep down inside that she can't hide. She was feeling whatever Rarity was previously talking about. Honestly, who knew? But it was a good feeling, so Pinkie closed her eyes and squeaked like the little duckie she wasn't, which caused Rarity to decide to go faster. Squeaking is the signal, obviously!

And Pinkie started to breathe faster and faster, almost on the edge of hyperventilating. It went like "Hoy-eee-hoy-eee" or something. The feeling from her neverneverland was unfamiliar to the admittedly childish mind of the Pie, but I can't say it was unpleasant. (I get philosophical listening to Tenacious D, alrgiht?) For about 15 minutes, which Rarity knew because she timed it, the only sounds echoing throughout the house was Pinkie's rapid breathing. Various ponies passing by the opened door tried their ignore these airfuls of pleasure, but some had the balls to take a look. But it was irrelevant. Oh, they could also hear the rhythm of Rarity's hoof.

"You think we should... Do something?" one of the passer-bys asked his buddy.

"That depends on how much something, since we're here for no reason," the second pony replied.

"Let's say enough to put this fiction to rest," the first pony suggested.

"Hmm... I don't think we should," the second one answered.

Then the sound of Pinkie grunting became audible.

"...Let's move," the second pony said, the two running off. What was the point of that? Nothing. Back to your regularly scheduled Pinkie grunts.

So, yeah, Pinkie was grunting up a lil' storm down in the basement. She wasn't sure how much noise was acceptable, but that never stopped her. She once blew the roof off the Albert Hall after filling it with about 70 different holes. But that's a different story. Getting back to the real one, Pinkie fell backwards onto the table, Rarity quickly getting out of the way. Pinkie then decided it wasn't that big of a deal.

"By Luna's moustache... Sex is pretty damn GOOD..."

Rarity laughed as she thought about when this story tried to be funny. "That wasn't sex Pinkie. You're getting off track again and Lil' Miss Rarity doesn't like that."

"Since when did you start talking in the third person?"

"Since never. And again, that was not sex."

Pinkie's eyes got pretty damn close to flying out of her skull. She turned to face Rarity, who had a smug grin on. "That wasn't sex? Well, that other stuff felt pretty good, so I can't imagine what actually sex feels like! It must be supercalfifragiliciousexpialapenstrokealiliousvonschweetz!"

"That was clopping-"

"But clopping is when you hit somepony!"

"AH! The face, Pinkie, the face!"

"Sorry, Rarity. I forgot."

"It's OK... But, seriously, that was clopping." A green-flame curtain then fell around Rarity and quickly rose again. At first, Pinkie was completely oblivious to what happened, but then she noticed the fleshy rod dangling from Rarity like some low hangin' fruit. "Sex is actually when I take this thing right here and RAM IT UP YOUR BUCKING... Series of periods... Simple, eh?"

Pinkie, finally putting two and two together to get three, tried as hard she could to back away, but she soon ran out of table and noticed her portable spike trap was right behind her. She should really clean her basement up a little more.

"Well, Rarity, this has been a nice been a nice meeting between me and you, but I personally think that's time we go our separate ways and pretend that none of this ever happened, because, y'know, I thought of twenty different things I should be doing right now and, really, PonyVille can go without one silly little party co-planned by me, right?"

Rarity snorted and got up on the table again, pulling Pinkie dangerously close to her face (an alarm went off, so that's how Rarity knew before she shot it). "But Pinkie, riddle me this: How can you plan a party that's already started? Unless your like me and can somehow make a dimensional hopping police box turn into a time travelling device, I don't think so! And, besides, since when has Pinkamena Diane Pie ever been a bad host?"

"I... I..." Pinkie tried to look anywhere else but Rarity's eyes, but it was hard when all you can see is Rarity's eyes, so it was kind of useless. She also couldn't think of anything to say, meaning that cleverpun and I have just brought the apocalypse. You're welcome.

"Look, just hold still and please stop hitting me! I wise mare once said that getting bucked is a lot like getting a needle and I do stand by those words. And believe me, you'll enjoy it ten times more then any other things you've done before this! Pinkie Promise!"

Pinkie finally gave up on looking for a crack between her and Rarity's face and just stared in Rarity's eyes. She felt at ease... Strangely comfortable... She just stared... And stared... And stared... And stared... Drooled a little... And stared.

Noticing that Pinkie was getting hypnotized for no good reason, Rarity quickly stroked the pink pony's cheek. "Very good... Now, you'll be a good girl and just take it, right? You promise you won't panic and draw any unneeded attention? Or, if you do panic, less then I've brought?"

Pinkie pulled back from Rarity's face a little, still staring, and nodded VERY slowly. Took nearly an hour to do so.

"I knew you'd agree with me. Now I'll be easy on you..." She whispered.

And for the first time in ten years, she meant it... For the first five minutes.

A/N: Sorry it took me so long to get this up, twelve people who favorited this on FIMFiction/1 person who added this to their alerts on FanFiction(dot)Net. Well, anyways, I promise you that the last chapter will be the next one. I've got a plan to wrap everything up there. And it's got the most great and powerful lunar ponies in it!... Yeah, it's Peppermint Twist and Cloud Kicker!