Dreamwalker's Tale: Last (!) Adventure

I was nervous. A simple fact, but with dire consequences. I tried to hum a little tune to myself, but I could not focus on the melody or rhythm properly. My steps carried me through the streets of Canterlot, on a path I knew decently well enough not to get lost by now. The sun was sinking, dipping the sky in a beautiful, golden glow and the color scheme of a flame merrily burning away in a fireplace.

I had no reason to be nervous in the first place, I told myself. Which did little to calm me down, as was to be expected. Yet the attempt itself kept my mind busy for another couple of steps. Until I finally arrived before Moondancer’s house and with a couple steps more, its door. “Calm down, idiot,” I chided myself in a quiet hiss. “You’re just going to have a nice, quiet evening with a friend.” I straightened myself out, took a deep breath. I even tried Twilight’s breathing technique. Or Cadance’s, rather.

After that failed as well, with no impact noticeable, I shrugged and checked my breath for the last time. Hopefully. I had brushed my teeth twice before coming here. Nervousness might have played a part in that, mostly by making me forget that I had already done it once. I had brushed my coat as well. Rarity continuously insisted that it made a difference. One I did not, could not, see. But then again, maybe I was just blind. I quite vividly remembered the outrage of not noticing Rarity’s new coiffure immediately.

Speaking of hair: I had brushed my mane and tail as well, of course. Which had been a bit of a painful affair, to be honest. That tangled, frizzy mess did not wish to cooperate at all. And I once again failed to see any difference to how it had looked before. Especially now that a lazy breeze had had ample opportunity to mess it up again.

Can’t be helped, I noted with the attempt at nonchalance and raised a hoof to knock. Tap, tap, tap.

I briefly heard her muffled voice from inside and assumed it was something along the lines of ‘coming’, ‘I’ll be right there’ or ‘on my way’. And a minute or so later, the door opened to reveal Moondancer. She was not wearing her usual, dark gray sweater. She was not wearing anything at all. Well, aside from her black, thick-rimmed glasses. She had her hair done up again. ‘It’s pragmatic’, she had told me several times. So her hair would not get in the way of her reading. As a side effect: It looked good. Her coat had a distinct sheen that usually was not there.

She simply looked pretty, all around. And she smiled bashfully. “Hi.”

I held back a snort. I could not even tell what had been so funny about this. I instead grinned from ear to ear. “Hey. Are you ready?”

She looked down at her hooves and then at her back before she nodded. “Well… as ready as I can be? You have not told me much about what to expect. I hope I will not need any dresses? Because I don’t have any.”

“Don’t worry, you look great. No dress required.” Despite the simplicity of the assurance, she stopped for a couple of seconds and just looked at me. As if she was searching for something. “Uh… you alright there?”

“I’m… yes, I am fine. Lead the way.”

I was glad to get our evening started, so she did not have to ask me twice. She closed the door behind her and we strolled along the sidewalk at a lazy pace. We had no reason to make haste, after all. “So, how have you been? It’s been a while since we last talked.”

“Ten days since you returned,” she specified.

I was genuinely surprised by her remark. “Oh? So you counted the days I was gone?” I teased her a little.

I had hoped for a smile. Maybe a faint blush. But she instead closed her eyes and exhaled for a moment. The joke did not land and she obviously did not consider the entire topic all that funny to begin with. “Despite your ‘great plan’, I was worried. You do realize that the ‘Forbidden Jungle’ does not carry that name because it sounded funny, right? It was named that way as a warning to stay clear of the general area.”

I knew that she had been worried. She had expressed as much even before I had departed. But I had apparently underestimated just how much it troubled her mind. Even though I had successfully recruited The Princess Celestia to my side. I had swung by the library twice in those past ten days, of course. Once the day Sunny had to open Day Court again. Just to let her know that I was still alive and that her help had been greatly appreciated. And once two days ago, when I had finally settled on an idea to show her my appreciation and gratitude. The latter visit had admittedly been quite brief. I just told her to be ready for pick up this evening and not to make any wild plans involving her books.

“I’m back, though?” I meekly offered. “And I’m fine?”

She sighed again and nodded. “Yes, you are. Now, if you don’t mind, what exactly are we going to do?”

I briefly considered keeping up the suspense and leaving her in the dark, but I knew a thing or two about Moondancer. She did not like surprises. A trait I could relate to. That she was willing to go along with my request was already a nice statement, but I would most likely be better off telling her now. She would eventually start to brood over it otherwise. “We are starting off with a visit to the Tasty Treat. I hope you haven’t eaten yet? And after that, we’re going to watch a movie. And after that… I’m not quite sure yet. It will be late then. I could bring you home. You could come with me. We could visit Donut Joe. I say: We decide on that once we’re there.”

Finally — finally! — I saw her smile. It was a demure little thing, but fragile only on a superficial level. There was genuine, heart-felt joy in her eyes. The kind of reaction I had been hoping for. “So you are taking me out for dinner,” she stated. And I simply nodded. I had not told her to take some bits with her. I carried a little satchel with my purse inside. Enough to splurge a little this evening. I was decently sure that we could not eat and drink as much as we would need to to empty my pockets. “You do realize that this sounds an awful lot like a date, right?”

I wanted to laugh a little, but that sounded strangely artificial in my head. And I felt a small wave of warmth flood my face. “Well, y-yes, I suppose. But it’s not. A date, I mean. It’s not a date. Well, it is, just, not like that.”

It was strange seeing her smirk. “Wow. And I thought I was nervous.”

“I just want this to be a nice evening for you,” I quickly reassured and as I saw her eyebrow slowly rise, I just as hastily corrected myself. “For us.” Us. That really did not help my case, did it?

She avoided eye contact for a while. As did I. It was ridiculous, I told myself. I was just trying to have a nice evening with a friend. This awkwardness should not be here. Between us.

And I dreaded what was brewing in her head. I caught glimpses of it every now and then. Her smile persisted, sure. But her eyes told a second story. One that evolved parallel to us having a nice evening. She was worried about something. And that obviously worried me.

“Dreamwalker… why are you doing this?” she asked as Restaurant Row came into view.

“I wanted to thank you,” I replied. “You did so much to help me out. I could not have done this without you.”

“But you did thank me,” she objected.

“Oh come on. ‘Thank you’ doesn’t quite cut it for what you’ve done. You translated an entire book basically overnight,” I insisted.

I knew her next objection even before she made it. Because I had not been precise enough with my phrasing. “I had an entire day, if you remember. And it was not ‘an entire book’. I merely had to translate a single passage from said book.”

“You know what I mean,” I grumbled.

We continued to walk for a moment in silence, before she sighed and swayed a little to the side to bump her shoulder against mine. I was quite surprised by her sudden confidence, to say the least. “I know,” she said with a smile. “But you could have just given me a book, you know?”

“Oh yes, that sounds like a terrific idea! Give a book. Of course. Why didn’t I think of that? Just give a book to the librarian… it will be a unique and memorable occasion,” I jerked around.

“I like books,” she objected with a shrug. And her smile grew in width, telling me that she knew exactly what she was doing. And maybe she wanted to rile me up a little.

“I knooow,” I whined a little more dramatically than was strictly necessary to play along. “And you would have appreciated it. And you would have thought about me every time you looked at it. And that’s nice and all, but it’s so… obvious. It’s plain and it’s boring and I wanted something special for you.”

She had been just about to chide me for calling books boring, I knew that. But as soon as I finished my last sentence, her mouth shut and she did blush a little. And I playfully bumped her shoulder back.

We had entered the home stretch by now. The little side alley. The Tasty Treat was in sight. “Hey, have you ever actually been here?” I asked.

I could not remember ever talking to Moondancer about restaurants. And she did not strike me as the type to go eat at a restaurant. As a voluntary semi-recluse, I expected her to prefer the peace of her home. Yet to my surprise, she giggled a little. “I’m a regular, Dream. I do not deal well with spicy food and Saffron knows that by now.”

I was surprised. Even more so when we entered and Saffron trotted over to us and greeted Moondancer with a hug after she placed the two bowls she carried in front of her customers. Moondancer seemed to freeze up a little, but relaxed somewhat a moment later. And Saffron did not notice or did not care. Either way, it looked like there was a certain familiarity at play. “It’s so nice to have you back,” Saffron welcomed her, before her eyes darted over to me. “Ah, and you brought Dreamwalker along.”

And she hugged me as well. It was a nice, albeit quick gesture and I felt welcome — as I did every time anyway, honestly. The hug merely made the scent that permeated the entire room more noticeable. A scent that clung to Saffron with increased intensity. A unique and powerful blend of spices and herbs. I could feel my stomach rumble a little and was quite relieved that none had heard that, apparently.

“Actually, I am bringing her along,” I insisted with a grin once Saffron gave me free.

“Oh?” Saffron just replied and looked towards Moondancer for confirmation. As soon as she nodded, Saffron grinned even wider and led us to an empty table, neatly tucked away in a corner of the room. “Well in that case, I will be with you in a second with the menu and I will try not to disturb your date too much.”

She was already briskly walking towards the kitchen when I realized the implication. “It’s not—“ I started, but quickly realized that she would not even hear me, “—that kind of date,” I quietly finished.

Despite her faint blush, Moondancer giggled at the other side of the table. “That’s what you get for bragging.”

“I am not bragging!” I objected indignantly. “You’re not some kind of trophy to be shown around, Moonie. I was just… I thought I…” Good question, actually. What did I think? I could not quite explain why the implication that Moondancer had brought me along had rubbed me the wrong way. She was a regular. I was one as well, was I not? Had this been a measuring contest? Who had been here more often? Who was in better standing with Saffron? That would have been quite ridiculous.

I was torn from my increasingly snarled thoughts as Moondancer leaned a little over the table and touched her hoof to mine. “As far as I am concerned, it is quite alright.”

I closed my eyes for a moment, took a deep breath and sighed. “Right. Fine.” She retracted her hoof and smiled. It was strange — for a pony so socially inept, she kept having these moments where she said or did exactly what was needed.

“You know… I cannot help but notice that you failed to answer my question,” I restarted in an attempt to keep the conversation going.

“I did?” she answered in mild confusion.

“Eyupp. I asked how your last couple of days had been. Well, I actually asked how you have been, but that’s close enough.”

“Oh. Right. I never really answered that.” She furrowed her brow before shrugging it off. “The Archives have been quiet. But then again, they are always quiet. That is one of the many reasons I like it there. I have my peace of mind and I can read as much as I want. Not much ever comes up. Certainly no ‘adventures’.”

I grinned. “Do you never ask yourself if you might be missing out on something? Maybe there’s the next Daring Do slumbering right beneath the surface, just waiting to be awoken by a sharp kick of adrenaline? Maybe you would enjoy stalking the jungle?”

We held each other’s gaze for a couple of seconds before we both giggled. “Certainly not,” she insisted as we calmed down. “No jungle for me, please. And no Daring Do. Do you ask that yourself?”

I still smiled as I shrugged. “Sometimes. It has been quite some time since Twilight was called for a friendship mission. But ponies come and go. Last week, Rainbow was paired up with Berry and the map sent them to Las Pegasus. I don’t… mind. I really do like my indoor adventures. But there’s a strange feeling I don’t have a name for quite yet. It only surfaces when they return from whatever latest adventure they had and they start telling me about it. There’s this great and magical world out there, full of dragons and treasures and ancient ruins and forgotten knowledge. It sounds really exciting. Thrilling. Like stuff that you want to see for yourself and not just read about.”

Moondancer grinned a little, probably remembering a few bits and pieces from our short conversation after my return. “And how did that work out for you?”

I chuckled and shrugged. “Meh. To be fair, I think it was worth having that experience. Just so that I can say: I know that this lifestyle isn’t meant for me. Things got a little muddled because we combined adventure and vacation, but by now, I think I can safely say: The vacation part was awesome. I loved every second of that. The adventure part though… not so much. We cut quite a few corners when it came to actual adventuring and even the parts we didn’t cut weren’t all that great. I mean… I have seen mosquitos the size of rats. Rats, Moonie. I could really have lived without that knowledge.”

I had started to wildly gesture around. And to my delight, Moondancer giggled. “Sounds awful,” she said in between.

I felt decently encouraged to put on a little show, so I did just that. “You might think: Oh, but there’s so much exotic food to taste. And that’s true. If you can find the stuff! We stumbled through the greenery for hours. And when we found an avocado tree and started to pick the ripe ones, we quickly learned that in the jungle, everything is bigger. Including spiders. Bird-sized spiders. I screeched like a filly!” Her giggle rose to barely restrained laughter. “And the heat. Moonie, You have no idea about that heat. Everything is constantly damp because of the incredible humidity and the heat is just relentless. It feels like being cooked alive. Slowly. Steamed to perfection, with a hint of saltiness. Don’t mind the occasional ‘braaaiiins’-mumble and bon appetit!” I was not a funny stallion by nature. But every dog has his day. Moondancer giggled for a while and I was content with that. I did not mind Saffron returning to hoof us the menus, and true to her prior promise, she stealthy left as quickly as she had appeared.

“So,” Moondancer started while she quickly scanned the familiar menu, “oversized mosquitos and spiders and cannibalistic pony-recipes aside… how was it? What happened? Did you get your materials?”

I did not bother looking at the menu to begin with. I knew what I was going to order anyway, which left me with a good moment to study my companion. Once she had made her choice and put the menu down, I nodded. “Yes, I got it. However, I really suck at interpreting prophecies. Or the jungle trial instruction manual, or whatever that was.” And so I started retelling the story of my first and hopefully last adventure. Some details were conveniently left out, of course. Moondancer did not need to know about my nights with Sunny and I ventured a guess that she very much preferred to not know about those as well. In the same vein, I did not mention Soft Step at all — or any other bat ponies for that matter.

“So… Ahuizotl is real?” It probably should not have come as a surprise that this was her first question.

I smiled. “Yupp. I mean, Miss Yearling has this small preamble where she remarks on how she researches topics before writing about them, but I usually don’t pay them much attention. It seems like she’s not kidding though. He’s real, and he’s… honestly a bit of a jerk. I get why, I think. But that doesn’t excuse his behavior.”

“Well… if I were a stranger to you,” Moondancer started with a wry smile, “you would probably think I am a jerk as well, would you not?”

“Nah,” I immediately shot back. A little bit too quickly, as we both realized. “You’re a little gruff at times. A little rough around the edges. But there’s a lovely, lovable mare under that veneer.”

Her blush was a bit more noticeable than before this time. A deeper shade of red. And given that we had ordered our food a good while ago and Saffron had once again sneakily delivered without disturbing our conversation, Moondancer had no menu to hide behind. “Maybe he is a kind soul beneath all the obligations as well?” she tried to deflect the compliment.

I shrugged. “Maybe. I doubt I will ever find out, as I doubt that I will ever encounter him again.” I watched her struggle for a moment as she shifted around in her seat a little. And a devious idea sprang to mind. “How are your tomatoes?”

She looked down on her grilled vegetables, her brow furrowed, before looking up towards me. And that tint deepened just a smidge more. “R-Red. Very red,” she played along and avoided eye contact.

I chuckled a little. “You don’t say.”

Her smile persisted, despite her shaking her head. “You are awful.”

“So I’ve heard,” I shot back with a grin, before sighing a little. “No, really though. How are they?”

“Very herb-rich. With a hint of chili. Want to try some?” She levitated her fork over, with a piece pierced on it.

I accepted the proposition with a shrug and a nod and took the piece. “You know what fillies say about drinking from the same glass, right? It’s like kissing with extra steps. Can’t imagine eating with the same fork is any better.” I chuckled once more as I saw her roll her eyes.

“Maybe Applejack was right and you are obsessed,” she murmured.

“Hey… who told you that?!”

“… you did.”

“Oh.” I rubbed my neck a little and tried to get over the slight embarrassment. Admittedly, not everything had to be some sort of innuendo. But the fact of the matter was: Flirting could be a lot of fun. As could joking around be. And Moondancer was easy to catch off-guard with either.

We remained silent for a while and simply enjoyed our meals and the company. When the plates were empty, Saffron once again appeared out of nowhere and took the plates away. “How about a dessert for you two?”

I looked over to Moondancer. “What about you? Do you still have some space?”

“Something small, maybe?” she replied with uncertainty.

I nodded and grinned after giving it some thought. I knew a lot of the desserts the Tasty Treat offered. Simply because I had a bit of a sweet tooth. And maybe because every time Celestia and I came here, we ordered more desserts than actual main dishes. Moondancer on the other hoof was not all that gung-ho about sweets. I had done some research and knew that Mysore Pak could be less sweet than several other options available. And I quite liked the texture. It somehow reminded me of shortbread. A crisp, crumbly exterior and a smooth and tender inside. It was usually flavored with sugar and cardamom, but Saffron gave most dishes her own little spin. “Say, you don’t happen to have some Mysore Pak around that’s a tad less sweet, do you?”

Saffron just grinned and nodded. “Gotcha!” And with that, she left.

“What is that?” Moondancer naturally asked.

“It’s like… uh… a cookie? Sort of? Ah, don’t worry, you’ll see soon enough.” And indeed, our final order arrived shortly after. While Moondancer inspected the ‘cookies’, I used the opportunity to shove an outrageous amount of bits in Saffron's direction. “That way, you won’t have to come over here again,” I remarked as I knew full well that these hours were quite busy. A simple look around further reinforced the practicality of my proposal, as the Tasty Treat simply did not have any empty tables anymore.

“That’s still too much though,” Saffron replied with a furrowed brow after a rough count.

“It’s a tip.”

“Yes, I know, but it’s too much for a tip,” she objected.

“Whoops,” I just said with a grin and gently shoved the bits she wanted to return to me in her direction.

I could see it in her eyes. She was not willing to let this go. But before she could start to argue, another customer raised his hoof. And another. Her attention was required elsewhere. And once she would be finished with those two tables, the next ones would have come up. If she left now, this was done. “Next time you come here, you get a dessert on the house,” she grumbled with a smile.

“That’s fine with me,” I answered and after a brief hug and a quiet ‘thank you’, she hastily retreated.

Moondancer had either not noticed the exchange or did not feel any need to comment on it. She instead carefully took one of the three pieces in her levitation and contently nibbled away at it.

“It’s good, isn’t it?” I asked. She nodded and I took my own piece. Although I was a lot less self-restrained than her and took a good bite out of it.

“Can I ask you something?” she spoke up again as we unanimously divided the last piece in half.

“No.” She blinked, both surprised and confused and I could not help but chuckle a little. “I always wanted to try that.” After washing down the last crumbs with a gulp of cherry juice, I smiled at her. “You can ask whatever you want, of course.”

“Why are you taking me on a date?”

I felt my smile freeze, and then slowly drain away. Judging by her slightly apologetic look, she knew exactly what she was doing. And there it was again, that question. It really gave her a lot of trouble, did it not? “I already told you, Moonie. As a ‘thank you’. If you feel uncomfortable with this setup, please just say so. Please. Because that’s just about the last thing I want.”

“No, no. That’s not it,” she quickly replied and even raised her hooves defensively.

“Then what is it?” I pressed.

“You keep… flirting with me. All the time,” she quietly explained and I did not quite appreciate the carefully measured tone she kept. “Surely you are aware of that?”

“I am. So?” Maybe it was time to get this out of the way? Once and for all, hopefully?

“Do you flirt with your other friends as well?” There was this uncertainty again. Both worry and hope.

And I felt my blood freeze a little as I started to ask myself: Had I led her on? Had I somehow conveyed the wrong impression? Had I insinuated something? Too much, maybe? I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath to calm myself down. My heart raced and I did not like that. This was supposed to be a nice, quiet evening for the two of us. As friends. Just friends. “I do,” I answered. And my answer seemed to surprise her enough that I felt a need to elaborate. “Well not with all of them of course. Pinkie is a devious flirt. She packs more innuendo in her daily speech than I have in store in general. But she’s always careful with it. She knows who she can flirt with. I don’t flirt with Fluttershy. It would be easy, honestly. But I don’t. She’s inexperienced. And even though Pinkie is trying to change that, it will probably take her years to feel comfortable with that. And I don’t think she will ever feel comfortable with flirting with ponies she’s not committed to. Flirting with Rainbow is a lot of fun. She plays hard to get. That she’s better than me. I don’t flirt with her in front of Applejack though. And I don’t flirt with Applejack in front of Rainbow. Both can be quite jealous and I respect them too much to even risk triggering that. And honestly, I usually don’t initiate flirts with them either. Which also means that I don’t flirt with Applejack quite as much. I suppose that would feel weird, honestly. She’s like a sister to me. I flirt with Berry, on occasion. We don’t meet that often. I relentlessly flirt with Derpy and I always come up short. She’s such a tease. You would never expect that from seeing her. She has this innocence about her, this naivety. However, just beneath the surface, she’s everything but. So yes. I do flirt with quite a lot of my friends.” Moondancer was silent for some time. I noticed her eyes darting around. She continuously scanned the many, many ponies visiting the Tasty Treat this evening. “I already paid. Maybe we continue this on the streets, where it’s probably less crowded?”

She nodded, and we stood up. We waved goodbye to Saffron, who looked quite stressed now. Prime hour. And soon after, we once again slowly strolled along the sidewalk. “So it’s just a pastime to you?”

That question hurt, despite no tone of voice of hers being responsible for that. She sounded curious, at best. Not hurt, not appalled, not confused. Just curious. And yet I could not help but read too much into it. “No. It’s not ‘just’ a pastime. I admit, I do it because it’s fun. I try to be mindful of who I flirt with and who is present as well. As I said, I don’t tend to flirt with somepony in front of their significant other. That’s just mean. And it gets you kicked in the gut. Rightfully so, as I might add. But it’s a nice way to compliment somepony, too. It would be cringey at best if I were to walk up to Pinkie and compliment her on how incredibly soft her hugs are. How much I appreciate the care she takes with each and every present. How appealing her scent is. I think she’s really, really pretty. Beautiful. She has curves in all the right places and that’s so incredibly alluring. But I know my limitations and boundaries and I stick to them. I can’t just walk up to her and tell her that. What I can do though, is flirt with her like there’s no tomorrow. And when doing so, I can tell her these things. I need a proper setup for some stupid one-liner or something, but I can construct these, or she provides me with them. We push each other, in a way. It’s good for your self-esteem, I think. It’s certainly been good for mine. It might sound horrible, but… when Celestia says that she thinks I’m attractive, it’s uncomfortably easy to dismiss with lines like ‘well of course she thinks that, she loves me after all’. I don’t claim to understand how, or why, that works. It really shouldn’t. But at times, the fact that we’re an item works against my ability to believe her. With Pinkie — just to stick to the example — it’s different. I’m not entirely sure how or why, again. But it is. I have an easier time believing her.”

Minuette. Lemon Hearts. Twilight. The list of Moondancer’s friends, as far as I was aware of them, was rather short. “Listen, Moonie. You wanted to know why I did this. I did it because I like you. A lot. But I’m not trying to get under your tail.” We walked side by side with a few inches between us. Enough that I could see her tuck her tail down a little further as she suddenly became aware of herself even more.

“But you are inviting me to your bed.” There was no malice in her statement. No accusation. Not even a real question.

“I… did,” I hesitantly acknowledged. “And I am, I guess. Is that… a problem? I don’t—… I never meant to—… I don’t want to lead you on. Am I leading you on?”

“I… I am not sure. I don’t think so?” she quietly replied.

So she was not entirely sure herself. That really was a problem then. I sighed deeply. “As I said, I don’t want to lead you on. I like you. A lot. I invited you to my room because I felt like you needed company. I wanted to help you.”

“And you did,” she quickly interrupted. “I just… I crawled into your bed for almost an entire week and it felt nice. I expected to tire of this sooner rather than later, but I just… didn’t. And then you were gone, ‘adventuring’, and I found it difficult to readjust.”

Craving company. Could I not understand that? Did I not understand that a lot better than I cared to admit? I had found no sleep for almost an entire week after my arrival here, not a single night. I had managed to sleep once I was lying down next to Fluttershy. Pinkie. Rainbow. Applejack. Twilight. Anypony. It was quite frankly utterly ridiculous. Something was not quite right with my head. I needed company. Physically needed it. And I suddenly felt bad. Really, truly terrible. I might not have wanted to lead her on. And maybe I did not. My initial fear that she somehow might have fallen in love with me seemed less and less likely. For which I was grateful. But I did show her how it could be with a special somepony. The attention. The affection. The flirting. The company. Did I not understand the value of something so simple as not having to sleep alone more than she did? I had invited her and then I had left her. And somehow, somehow, I had thought she would be fine. What misery.

And what a predicament.

I was responsible for this mess. At least partially. “Maybe you do need a special somepony?” I asked her with a wry smile.

She grimaced. I knew her stance on that matter. Her household was organized in a very peculiar way. And she was utterly unwilling to change anything about that. Every fork and spoon, every book and sock had its place and drawer. A significant other was a time sink. A commitment. And, as was obvious with any introvert and recluse, a constant source of potential exhaustion.

To a certain degree, that was bullshit. Introverts could build relationships just fine, no matter their specific kind. They just had to account for their respective circumstances. Instead of moving in with each other, maybe they would keep separate homes. There were plenty of options to make it work. She was just unwilling to consider any of them. The required investment of time and effort and energy did not seem to be worth it. And maybe I had changed that. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I honestly just wanted to help you out.”

She sighed and closed the couple of inches separating us. “It is fine. I should have known it would not be that easy.” We continued on in silence for about half a minute before she started to smile again. “Say, you would not be in the market for yet another mare to add to your collection?”

We both giggled. It was refreshing. Relieving. And the fact that she could tease and joke about it so soon after was something I was willing to take as a good sign. “Heck no,” I replied with a chuckle. “See, the only reason I can make it work with three mares — and I cannot stress enough that this truly is the only reason —, is that each one of them basically only has, like, a third of a life. If they weren’t princesses, I’d be screwed. You want to know how my relationship with Celestia works? It’s based on late afternoons and early evenings. Because that’s basically all the time we get together. And sometimes, it’s even less than that. I love her. Dearly. But there’s plenty of times when I wish we could have more. A morning with breakfast in bed. A stroll in the park after lunch. Little occasions like that. It would be nice, I’m sure. But that’s just not how it works. She has Day Court and mountains of paperwork after that. She gets out of bed when I’m still asleep and I get to see her in the afternoon, if — and only if — I’m lucky. It’s not that different with Luna either. Sure, if I get lonely, I can crawl into bed with her over the course of the day. I’m always welcome, according to her. But when she sleeps, she’s dreamwalking. She’s basically doing one half of her job. And as soon as she wakes up, she has to prepare for Night Court. Breakfast, paperwork, and off she goes. And with Night Court ending, there’s more paperwork before she crawls into bed. And then there’s Twilight. You might think: Well, she’s less involved with state affairs. Surely she has more time to spare, right? Wrooong. I mean, true, she can make more time. She has more wiggle room. For now. But the Princess of Friendship is surprisingly busy. I constantly keep telling her that she needs to stop micromanaging Ponyville. Her drive for perfection means that she cares about each and every problem, no matter how small. She distributes and redistributes forces and bits and whatnot, she keeps up appearances at social gatherings, she hosts the occasional event, she keeps track of her library, which is basically the entire castle, and she has a very large, very active circle of friends. Oh and she has occasional friendship missions as well, which keep her away from Ponyville for days, sometimes weeks.”

Moondancer stared at me in both wonder and bewilderment. “Wow.” After a longer pause, she hesitantly and quietly added, “You… sound really frustrated.”

I stopped and blinked a couple of times. Did I?

In retrospect, I had admittedly grown a little bit agitated. My voice had taken on an irritated edge and mixed with a slight increase in volume, I could see how this impression had come up. “I’m not,” I answered. But as I said it, as I heard my own voice snap a little, it did not quite feel right. I furrowed my brow and grumbled. “Okay, maybe I am. A little.”

“You have been in the castle for the last ten days, right?” Moondancer continued.

I sighed. “Yeah. Wait, how do you know?”

She smiled and shrugged. “You might find that thought outrageous, but we librarians do talk. And some of them are better connected to the other castle staff than I am.”

“Oh. I see. Well, I had been home for about a day before I returned to Canterlot. And everypony was so incredibly busy. Celestia took over Day Court again and had to deal with a lot of stuff that required her attention and Luna was still dealing with some nobles she was not allowed to throw out of windows, so I was kind of… stuck.” I stuck my tongue out in dismay. The last few days had been a bit trying. But I endured. I had been through worse. Far worse. This was nothing.

“So why was Ponyville not an option?”

I grimaced some more. “Remember what I told you about the Tantabus? That thing—… sorry. The Tantabus is the newest resident in Twilight’s castle. She has taken it on like some kind of student or something. And right now, she’s teaching it aaall kinds of stuff. Problem is, the Tantabus is confused by me. Not sure why. Not sure how. It just is. And Twilight has noticed a severe dip in its ability to concentrate and absorb new information with me around. It has something to do with my dream magic, supposedly? Maybe? Either way, the decision was made to transfer me to the Canterlot Castle for now. Until the basic training is done. And hopefully, it will then be less confused so that I can actually go home again.” I sighed deeply. Okay. Alright. So maybe, I was frustrated. Quite a bit. And maybe I had not been aware of it.

We walked in relative silence for a while. Moondancer eventually broke it again. “I am not just a stopgap, am I?”

I sighed and stopped walking. I even went as far as pulling her back with my telekinesis so that I could grab hold of her and hug her. “No. No, you’re not. You never were, and you never will be. Moonie, where… where is this coming from? You’ve always been a lot more confident than I ever was. A lot more confident than this, anyway.”

“This is different,” she sighed in reply. And in a way, I could understand that. She was, first and foremost, knowledgeable. Few ponies could hope to stand a chance against her when facts were concerned. Logical thinking. Pure power of mind.

But this was her heart’s desire. Not the flower.

The embrace was tight. Almost like she held on for dear life. And in turn, I squeezed her just as much. “I’m in a bit of a pickle,” I whispered without letting go of her. “You see, on one hoof, I really don’t want you to feel like ‘just a filler’. Because you’re not. But on the other hoof, I fear that if I continue to go with my gut, I might end up hurting you badly. And I really, really don’t want to do that.”

“Thank you.”

It was just such a disjointed reply that it caught me completely off-guard. “W-What for?” But instead of answering, she just buried her muzzle in the crook of my neck and melted a little further into me. Without knowing what to do, or understanding how the situation had changed, I just held her. And I tried to be fair to her. I tried. Very hard. Because this close, she smelled like iron and ink, like paper and dust. Like home. Like Twilight. And as I had noted many times before — that just was not fair.

Of course there was an underlying scent beneath all of that. Something quite unique to her and her alone. Something I tried to focus on. Yet despite my efforts, I was just too used to Twilight’s scent. And I had been without her warmth for more than a week. That was not unheard of. It happened occasionally. But every time it did, the effect was the same.

“Maybe we should… continue,” Moondancer offered. “We… might miss our movie otherwise.”

I was grateful she did not comment on it. We disentangled ourselves from each other and she took a step back. And I was just glad as she stayed close enough to provide some cover, just in case any passersby would glance in our direction. “Sorry,” I mumbled while I cursed myself internally.

“Don’t be,” she replied with a smile and eventually sidled up to my side again. “I take it you are a little pent up then?”

“Let’s maybe not discuss this further. I don’t want to embarrass myself more than I already have.” I sighed. A nice, quiet evening between friends. Well that plan had gone sideways. The evening was admittedly far from over just yet. And so far, nothing substantially horrible had happened. My mind was just exaggerating again. Playing up the drama for increased effect.

“Would you change it?” Moondancer asked and thereby offered a new topic to focus on.

I had mostly dwelled on my own thoughts. I quickly looked around, reoriented myself and focused my attention on her. “What do you mean? Change what?”

“You admitted that you are frustrated,” she elaborated. “Let us say that, by some miracle, you would get the opportunity to change the responsible factors and circumstances. You could make it so that Princess Celestia has a lot more time. Or Princess Luna. Or Twilight. To nopony’s detriment. Would you?”

I grimaced. “You’re too smart not to know how incredibly complicated that question is. It sounds simple on a superficial level, sure. But there’s so much piggybacking on that question. ‘Give Celestia more time’. How? How would you even do that? Equestria is her… her everything. Her foal, sort of. She conceived it. Nurtured it. Raised it. Taught it to be peaceful, mindful, to defend itself, to be stable and happy. You can’t make her ‘not care’. You can’t take Equestria from her. Ever. Well ‘ever’ might honestly be too much. The metaphor is actually quite decent. At some point, the foal will emancipate itself. Having parental guidance is nice and all, but you eventually simply outgrow this supervision. Maybe she will retire when that happens. Maybe she will travel the world, go adventuring or something. I don’t know. It's actually quite hard to imagine. Equestria isn’t ready yet. Not by a longshot. And ignoring the weird implications for a moment, Luna is participating in this just as much. She might not be Equestria’s beloved and impeccable mother figure. But she has responsibilities. And she cares about them. Deeply. When the time is right, Luna might actually have an easier time letting go. But as I said, that's a looong way off.”

“I know that it’s complicated,” she argued with a sigh. “It’s just a thought experiment. Some kind of time spell, some kind of duplication magic, some kind of mystical artifact and boom — she still cares for Equestria, but she can do all her day's work in just the blink of an eye. Would you like that?”

I actually stopped walking as I felt the need to properly think this through. It was ‘just’ a thought experiment, like she said. And yet it deserved a proper answer, did it not? Some chain of thought was behind this question. Something had led her to ask that. And Moondancer, for the most part, did not do nonsense small talk.

So I tried to conjure the scenario up in my head. It obviously sounded like sunshine and rainbows at first. Having her there when I woke up? Eating breakfast together? Sharing our time. Doing what we wanted, whenever we wanted. No external influence telling us that, sorry, but we only had a two-hour time window today and our chosen activity was too much for that, so maybe another day.

Routines would eventually settle in though. It was only natural. It was how things worked. Eating breakfast would not become old as much as it would become familiar. Expected. It would inevitably lose the splendor and exclusivity it held right now. Breakfast would become just that. A meal shared between partners. That was obviously not a bad thing. Routine, familiarity, reliability. It eventually resulted in a sense of increased security. But it also posed the risk of the relationship getting stale. The moment itself would be less enjoyable. Because it would become less and less special.

And there was another angle that worried me. I knew myself well enough. I was clingy. At least a little bit. What if I would eventually smother her? Or worse still, tire myself out? What if I, in an attempt to offer everything I got, would simply run out of fuel? Could one even run out of love? Could one tire of showing affection to loved ones? A truly terrifying prospect.

And with no duties to keep them busy — they would need to fill that time. No matter how madly in love one was, staring into a lover’s eyes was only entertaining for so long. A day’s hours eventually wanted to be filled with something. And the hours of the day after as well. And the day after that.

Deep down, Celestia could be a bit of a thrill-seeker. Maybe that was just a mechanism to compensate for her rather bland ‘profession’ of mothering an entire nation. I had my doubts about that though. Would she take up painting? Knitting? Arena-fighting? So many possibilities. And I saw quite a few that were both likely and of a kind that I would not be able to share in. Which again was not all that bad, per se. Lovers were not joined at the hip, after all. They had, no, needed alone time every now and then. Something just for themselves. But I could not deny that there was a certain uneasiness I felt when I considered all those possible pastimes.

I did not like surprises most of the time. And I usually did not like change. I understood its inevitability. Its necessity. And the futility of frantically holding onto the status quo.

After a few minutes, I had wrangled an answer from the mess of my thoughts. It was not as well thought out as I would have liked it to be. But honestly, this question warranted a lot more than just a couple of minutes of consideration. One could write entire books about that. About ‘what if’s and hypothetical scenarios. About the many branches of this rabbit hole. What I had managed to scrape together was something I was satisfied enough with for now, given the allotted time frame and my own expectations.

“No.” Even after speaking, I still probed my own answer. Listened to my own voice with intent and focus. It sounded right. It felt right. And with my conclusion being reinforced by my gut feeling, I elaborated at least a little. “If I could just magically snap away all of her time sinks, it would break just about everything. On a personal level, I mean. Things need to evolve. Change happens, yes, but most changes happen naturally. Over time. And those few that are a lot more volatile, well, they usually entail a lot of dire and often nasty consequences. Having a lot more time with her sounds great on paper. But I fear that, once put to the test, it would eventually fall apart. It’s wrong to say that we ‘eased’ our way into this relationship. It honestly started as kind of a mess and maybe with a quicker pace than it really should have. But we managed to make it work. We slowed down. We ironed out some of the quirks and flaws. We had a lot of important relationship talks, both big and small. Changing her life in such a profound way, without even consulting her? That would be wrong. On so many levels. And honestly, at the point where I talk things over with her… at the point where we consider options and possibilities… it kind of defeats the point of the scenario, does it not? Yes, I am frustrated with how little time we have. Yes, I wish we would have more. But at the same time… what little we get makes these moments special. And it doesn’t even matter if we’re talking about Celestia, or Luna, or Twilight. Same goes for all of them. I wouldn’t change anything — not like that anyway —, because it feels wrong. If we really, truly, desperately wanted to change something, we could. We could talk about it, we could make decisions. The way such things are meant to happen: Together.”

She mulled my reply over while we continued on our way to the movie theater. “You know, that is very thoughtful. And incredibly cheesy.”

I smiled. “I guess so, yeah. But it’s not surprising, is it?”

Moondancer sighed. “No. Not at all.”

“So why did you ask?” I inquired out of curiosity.

She fell silent again as she walked beside me. Our coats occasionally brushed. It was a nice feeling. And she did not seem to mind either. “I am not entirely sure, honestly. I am still trying to understand how… I don’t know. How you tick? And I cannot imagine how that works.”

“How what works?” I inquired.

“Your relationship. Or, relationships. Do they not interfere with each other? Princess Luna is supposedly prone to jealousy, is she not?”

I grinned and a moment later, a quiet chuckle bubbled up my throat. “Oh, she is,” I confirmed. “Quite so.” A few incidents came to mind. At one point, I had kissed Twilight at the breakfast table. It would probably have been less of a problem had it not been the breakfast table in Canterlot Castle. Twilight had visited Luna, I had visited Celestia and neither of the two sisters had been present. That was until Luna strode into the dining hall and caught us in the act. As far as kisses went, it had been relatively harmless. But there had been fury and the promise of vengeance in her eyes. Her wings snapped wide open and her entire expression was a mask of indignation. I was actually somewhat proud of myself for not cowering at that moment.

With a nostalgic smile still gracing my lips, I shrugged as best as walking beside Moondancer allowed me to. “We are adults though. We make it work because we want it to work. So far, good will and the willingness to compromise have been enough. Within our weird little constellation, we don’t share information much. Each relationship is treated as its own entity, there’s barely any mix-up. We agree to dedicated times and we stick to the plan. If I go visit Celestia for a few days, I could sneak into Luna’s chambers throughout the day. But I don’t, unless that was agreed upon. I suppose I’m in a bit of a lynchpin-situation there. So I mostly stick to what they allow me. That obviously doesn’t mean I can’t ask for stuff, but if they say ‘no’, well… ‘no’ it is. If you’re involved with more than one pony, caution becomes even more important.”

She mulled my reply over for a few minutes. “It sounds very… hm… organized?”

I grinned. “Well it is. Plans can change of course. I still need a certain adaptability. If I plan a nice dinner for Celestia and myself, but Day Court is especially tiring — I have to live with a plan foiled. Or maybe, if Celestia is fine with that, I just ask Luna if she would like to have dinner on short notice. It sometimes works out that way. I’m honestly more curious about Rarity’s… uh… whatever she got going on. Because quite frankly, as organized as that mare is, I cannot imagine her applying that organizational skill to her romances. She’s too much about ‘passion’ and ‘the fire of love’ and whatnot. It sounds a lot more…”

“Messy,” we both concluded in unison. We both giggled after a quick exchange of glances.

“Pretty much, yes,” I agreed. “But then again, she keeps insisting that chaos can be a hotbed for creativity, which I can’t really object to? And it does seem to work out just fine so far.” We rounded another corner and the movie theater finally came into sight. It was a relatively small building compared to some of the surrounding structures. Despite my absolute fascination with movies, it was not a technology that had achieved its breakthrough throughout Equestria just yet. I was sure it would at some point, as I could see so much potential in it and I doubted that it would take long until others with deeper pockets would see the potential as well. But for now, this was the only movie theater I knew of. Maybe some of the other bigger cities had some as well. A single hall, with a single projector. Two movies per night, in succession, with a decently long break in between. The first one had already run its course while we were at the Tasty Treat enjoying our dinner and we arrived in time for the break.

“Say, where does this sudden interest come from?” I asked Moondancer. “Pure academic curiosity or something else?” And just for good measure, I waggled my eyebrows a little.

“You are flirting again,” she noted.

“You want me to stop?” I asked in return.

“I did not say that,” she quickly, albeit quietly replied. She answered my grin with a smile. Which eventually dimmed down a little. “Do you think I am lonely?”

It seemed like it would still take some time to get rid of the heavy stuff. But if talking about it helped, well, I would be here for it all. “Yes,” I replied unanimously. “Very much, actually. And I’m trying to help with that pain. And it is pain. Before you object: I’m well aware that there is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. You don’t mind being alone most of the time. That’s fine. But it hurts to feel lonely. Especially if you can’t change that.”

“So what? Are you offering to be my wingpony, then?” she asked in slight disbelief.

I chuckled for a moment and shrugged. “You know, I never thought of that. But hey, if you need one — sure, give me a call, I’ll be there. In all seriousness though, I don’t—… I’m probably not the best pony to ask for advice. I don’t entirely understand how my relationships came to be, to be perfectly honest. I joke and flirt around a lot, sure. The former without actually being funny, and the latter without being any good at it. And I think neither of those two helped me with getting where I am. So maybe consider writing a letter to Princess Cadance? I think that might be less cringey than asking friends to hook you up with whatever single stallion they know. And I’m quite convinced you don’t go ‘clubbing’. Your best chances to find somepony are usually through work and hobbies, as that eats up most of your waking time, but your work means being stuffed into a library nopony visits all day, and your hobbies do the same thing, but at your house. It’s just… you don’t put yourself out there much. And with such a tiny contact surface, meaningful interactions are hard to come by.”

“Could you shut up, please?” Moondancer interrupted while she grimaced slightly. “Your analysis is getting depressing.”

“Oh. Sorry. Didn’t mean to.” We stopped in front of the clerk and with a nod and a few words exchanged, I bought us two tickets for the second movie. The hall was sparsely visited. A few single ponies dotted here and there, even fewer couples in the front rows. I ushered Moondancer up the stairs to the back rows. In my humble opinion, the best seats in the hall. Last row, smack dab in the middle. Perfect.

Well almost. “Shoot, I forgot something! Be right back.” And with that, I hastily left the hall again, went back into the little foyer and looked for the snack bar. It was easy enough to spot due to all the weird looking machinery. I was just confused to find nopony waiting in line. Their loss. “Hey, good evening, I’d like to have some popcorn? A big one. Salted. Aaand… I think I’ll just take a water, medium.” And with my prizes in tow, I went back to Moondancer. “There we go, now we are stacked,” I announced with a grin.

“I do not really like popcorn,” she noted with a quiet sigh.

“Because it’s sweet, right? This one isn’t though. It’s salted.” After tentatively giving it a try, she deemed it ‘fine enough’ and that was, well — fine enough for me. Truth be told, it was just about the only thing the concession stand had on offer that would align with her tastes. The other things were all too sticky, too sweet or too spicy. Or, worst case scenario, all three.

The movie started and in the first couple of minutes, an entire class of loudmouth teenagers was gruesomely dispatched. Neither Moondancer nor I bet an eye. “You know, I don’t mind openings like these. But ever since I learned that they implement that as a tactic to ‘keep the attention of the bloodthirsty’, I still grew to dislike them a little bit. It just seems so unnecessarily manipulative.”

“If you think about it, everything is a form of manipulation at some level,” she replied with a small smile. “You ask me: How are you today? And already your tone of voice, the circumstances of our meeting, the years of memories shared between us, everything colors that question. And it all has certain implications. So the mere act of asking that is already a form of manipulation, at least on a subconscious level.”

“You can’t not manipulate,” I summarized and she agreed with a nod.

A few minutes later we had made it through the introduction of the main character and all the side characters, also known as the expendables. The first one had just successfully managed to knock the supposed killer unconscious and was of course fleeing. Upstairs. “Ugh, I hate that,” Moondancer grumbled beside me. “That is so stupid. I get that she does not end his life if it is not strictly necessary, but she could have unmasked him, at least! Or tied him up! Or, you know, run out of the door.”

While she muttered some surprisingly mild curses under her breath, I grinned from ear to ear and scooched a little over in my seat, closer to hers. “You know, I’m constantly learning new things to love about you,” I teased with a quiet chuckle. Despite the darkness in the hall, I could see her cheeks darken even further as she avoided looking towards me.

“They are being stupid. The script is stupid,” she instead insisted.

“Absolutely,” I agreed. “And if I were the killer and intend on finishing them off, I would honestly simply discard the knife at the first opportunity. He had come by so many better options by now, it really makes no sense to stick to this stupid knife. The reach is abysmal, the actual blade isn’t really that long and you have to get in close if you want to deal some actual damage. Heck, he could have just shoved her off the roof there. She would have been dazed, at least. Maybe broken a leg, which would significantly slow her down.”

“She can levitate,” Moondancer noted.

“Nah,” I objected. “Her magic is too weak to hold something that heavy while it’s in motion. Levitating yourself is actually even harder.”

I grinned at the big screen, and admittedly felt a little smug. She caught me off-guard when I suddenly felt her kiss my cheek before she laid her head on my shoulder. “I think I like this,” she mumbled quietly. And honestly, so did I.

We continued to rip the movie to shreds. And that was surprisingly fun. We tried to be quiet for obvious reasons, but we had something to criticize in almost every scene. In the end, this horror movie provided us with plenty of material to talk about and to get agitated over. When we left the theater, the popcorn was gone, the water was gone and the heavy mood seemed gone as well.

“No, no, no,” she interrupted me, “what I mean is: She should not have gone for her sister in the first place. That was her first mistake!”

I laughed and shrugged. “Yeah, sure, obviously. But at that point, the entire premise falls apart and you work with… I don’t know… just a random, aimless psycho. That’s kind of boring, isn’t it?”

“It would have been more realistic though,” she objected.

“Sure, but honestly — nopony goes to watch a movie because they want ‘realism’, do they?”

To my surprise, Moondancer shrugged. “I would not know — it was my first movie.”

“Wait, really?” I stopped and watched her flabbergasted while I searched for any signs of a trap. But no smirk came forth, no twinkle in her eyes betrayed her game. “Wow. I thought… with you living here and all… okay. Cool. Actually, that’s cool. So you had your first time with me then?”

While I could not refrain from laughing, it only grew louder when I noticed her undignified snort and how she laughed herself. I had managed to catch her so unaware, surprised her so much, that her usual self-control simply failed. “You. Are. Awful,” she chided me as she still laughed up a storm.

“You’re welcome,” I sang with a grin.

“You are a bad influence!” she insisted.

“You like it,” I argued.

And then she became surprisingly bashful all of a sudden. I considered teasing her some more, but honestly, there was a good chance that she had just suddenly become aware of our surroundings. That being, half-sitting, half-standing in the middle of the streets. It was nighttime, sure, but a few ponies were still milling about and there were probably some residents in these houses surrounding us. Ponies could most definitely hear us laugh and clown around.

We moved on — metaphorically and quite literally — and reached her house a few minutes later. And the inevitable moment came wherein we both stood in front of her door and awkwardly shifted around while we still grinned. “N-Now about that first time,” she started.

It was honestly a valiant attempt. I grinned and turned to face her. “Wo-ho-ho, please. Please continue that sentence, I’m dying to hear how that one ends,” I teased her relentlessly. And I mentally marked down another victory as she blushed furiously. Once again deep enough that even despite the moon being far from full and some of the stars being hidden behind a thin veil of clouds, I could see it. In moments like these, I could understand why Luna had so much fun teasing me all the time.

She was still downright evil for doing so, of course. But I could understand it.

“You… you could come inside,” she started again after she had managed to recompose herself.

And this time, it was not a joke. No teasing, no flirting. An honest invitation. And while I still stood by what I had said earlier, I was worried at the same time. She was lonely. I wanted to help her with that. But sharing a bed with me was a poor substitute for what she truly needed. I would not be able to give her the companionship she truly craved. And one could fix a broken leg with bandages only for so long.

I sighed. And hugged her. “While I would love to… do you really think that’s a good idea? After today?”

She fell silent for some time. A couple of seconds turned into a minute, turned into two, turned into who-cares. I knew that she was reveling in me just being there, holding her. The same way I was enjoying her closeness right now. It was such a weird and quite frankly, utterly unwelcome thought, but: Was this what those freaking bug-monsters felt like all the time? Being starved for love and affection to the point where clinging to somepony else felt like such a nice thing that maybe, just maybe, a comparison to the next shot of some drug was legitimate?

I sighed and tried to push these thoughts aside. I inhaled deeply and this time, I allowed myself to fall back into memories. The castle. Home. Twilight. Snuggling up to her, holding her, kissing her, feeling her breath tickle my muzzle in the morning. Tasting that awful, awful brew she called ‘coffee’ when I kissed her and yet not regretting doing so. Another deep sigh, and this time it was mirrored by her. I was wondering what was going on in her head. And I would have loved to know. But I was not about to ask.

“You are probably right,” she claimed.

“Probably,” I replied with yet another sigh, albeit a quieter one. I was ready to admit that there was some regret mixed in this time. I was not sure if I would have denied her request a second time. No, her invitation. Did it really matter what I called it?

A part of me, fearful as always and worried and disturbed, was daring to ask: What if I had made a terrible, terrible mistake? And was continuing to do so? What if getting close to her, befriending her, was putting everything I had in danger?

I was not a cheater, I told myself. I despised cheaters. But. I really liked her. And given a chance, given sufficient temptation, would I call myself strong of will? Did I consider myself blessed with sufficient willpower to resist?

She was lonely. And I was constantly craving companionship. I was clingy, to a certain extent.

How could a friendship be a mistake?

I was sure Twilight had some thoughts on that. Maybe I ought to have a talk with her sometime soon. Maybe she would be able to disperse my fears and doubts. Or maybe I should have that talk with Luna instead. She had a knack for reassuring me. She somehow always found the right words to do so. Or the right actions to distract me.

“Thank you, Dreamwalker,” Moondancer spoke up again. “It had been a nice evening, and I had a lot of fun.”

“Glad to hear it. I’ll probably stick around Canterlot for a while, so, you know. Don’t be a stranger.” I smiled, and lucky me, I caught myself leaning in before anything could happen. I noticed her eyes, wide as dinner plates, her expression frozen solid, but her smile still persistent. I took half a step back. “Egh. Sorry, I just… yeah. Sorry. I’m an idiot.”

A friendship can’t be a mistake, I told myself. It can’t be.

She unfroze herself within a couple of seconds and although her smile was a little shaky and a little sad, it persisted despite my idiocy. “As I was saying, it was a nice evening. We should do that again sometime.”

I swallowed the urge to sigh yet again. Truth be told, she was probably right. We should. Because if we did not… at this point, it would be easy to avoid each other. Out of fear of what might happen. We had to do this again. Just to prove to ourselves and each other that we were stronger than this.

What a weird, weird situation.

“I hope I’ll see you around soon,” I finally bid my goodbye and stepped off her doorstep. I felt her watch me go and just because of that, I did not dare turn around or look back. It should have been silly, really. It should have felt silly. But it did not. It instead felt vital not to look. Important. Necessary.

While I walked towards the castle, I saw myself confronted with the prospect of yet another night spent alone. Another night lying in bed wide awake before exhaustion would claim my consciousness. Another night in a cold, empty bed. I could crawl into bed with Celestia. I could. Maybe it would actually be a good idea tonight.

Being clingy came with its own issues. I required a lot of attention, but I did not want to suffocate my loved ones. In that regard, having three of them helped. And despite my frustrations with that, them being busy all the time helped as well. It helped to avoid said suffocation. But I did not want to appear needy. I did not want to appear clingy, no matter how true it was. I was perfectly capable of sleeping alone. I had proven as much before.

It was possible.

I just did not quite understand how. And in those past few days, I had failed to successfully replicate it.

I walked through Canterlot streets on autopilot. The streets themselves were somewhat familiar, this area at least was. And I eventually returned to the palace. The occasional greeting with some night guards aside, the palace was silent and empty. And soon enough, I stood in front of my guestroom’s door.

With a deep sigh, I grabbed the handle and pushed the door open. And I was met with quite a surprising sight.

“… Luna?” My heart skipped a beat upon seeing her. I felt a little flutter in my stomach. Maybe this night would not turn out so bad after all...

I noticed her saddlebags lying on the floor, right beside the entrance. I could tell that those were hers due to her cutie mark being stitched onto their flap. They bulged, filled to the brim with… something. And right beside them were my saddlebags. Equally full. My saddlebags, which I had left in Ponyville.

Even more confusing was Luna's getup. Or rather lack thereof. It was nighttime and she was wearing nothing. Nothing at all. Considering she was lying on top of my bed, that might not seem quite as surprising, but she should wear her regalia right now. Which was nowhere to be seen. And she should preside over Night Court.

As I had opened the door, she had raised her head and looked at me. She watched how I carefully took in all the details around me. I almost felt like I was back on the training fields, with Wither Rose commanding me around. Was I supposed to puzzle together some kind of coherent story here? Was I being tested? I furrowed my brow, but could not spot anything else out of the ordinary.

I eventually took another step into the room and she lit her horn to close the door. As soon as it did, a bunch of enchantments aligned and reactivated. Enchantments that were not supposed to be here. These guest rooms were not secured in this manner. So she had gone to quite some lengths with whatever this was.

And now that I thought about it, I had not encountered members of the Night Guard outside my room either. So she had either slipped out without her guards knowing or she had commanded them to stay behind.

I really did not like the sight or even thought of these saddlebags. “Luna, what’s going on?”

She had remained silent so far, but now that I addressed her directly, she smiled. It was warm, welcoming and barely managed to veil the predatory glee beneath it. Oh boy.

“How was your evening?” she asked and simply ignored my own question.

“I had a wonderful time, thank you for asking. How has your evening been so far?” I asked back and slowly walked over to the bed. When I reached it, I simply climbed up on top and sat down in front of her. Now, one could argue that this was again my idiocy showing. A fly in a spider’s web struggled to get free and flee. It did not, most certainly not, crawl right to the net’s center to greet the spider. However, if this particular spider wanted to catch me, she would. Attempts at escape were futile. So why prolong the inevitable?

She seemed quite satisfied with my choice and even gave me a brief kiss as a greeting. “Oh, you know, nothing too unusual. The dreamscape was quite calm, breakfast was a bit of a boring affair, my sister droned on and on about your adventure and whatnot.”

I looked over my shoulder, back at the entrance. Specifically at those saddlebags. Oh no. I slowly turned back to face Luna and just as I had feared, there was a mixture of glee and hope in her eyes. “Ready?” she asked.

I was not.