Brains Will Fry

by PseudoBob Delightus

Rating: everyone
Tags: Hitch Trailblazer, Zipp Storm, Slice of Life, Izzy Moonbow, Pipp Petals, Comedy, My Little Pony: A New Generation, Romance, Sunny Starscout
Length: 1011

Izzy will kiss her friends, or fry their brains. It's their choice.

With magic returned to unicorns, terrifying powers of brain-obliteration are within Izzy's reach.

She uses these powers to threaten ponies into kissing her.

Warning: Pony kissing. Proceed at own risk.

Written for the Thousand Word Contest III, categories Slice of Life and Comedy.

Cover art by Helemaranth.
Thanks to Silk Rose, Scriblits Talo, and Visharo for pre-reading and feedback.
Now featuring a reading by RainbowInfinityReadings!

Published 2024-07-12 20:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-07-12 20:40:00 UTC

Story

It was a boring day at the salon, so Pipp just sat on the couch and scrolled through videos on TikTrot, waiting for something good to come up.

"Wait a minute," Izzy shouted, "go back to that one!"

Pipp scrolled up. "Which one?"

The feed rewound, video by video, until Izzy grabbed her hoof. "That one!"

Pipp let it play. It was a so-called 'kissing challenge'. "It's not much of a challenge," she griped. "Those mares are probably all in on it."

Izzy watched the video a few times, analyzing it closely. "Hmmm..."

"What?"

"You've kissed ponies, right?"

Pipp blinked. "... Yeah?"

"Is it fun?"

"Um. Yeah, sure. It's nice to kiss ponies you love. Though it's not really about fun-"

"Well I love my friends!"

"Uhuh."

"Can I kiss you?"

Pipp wasn't sure what she meant. "Well... I mean..."

But this hesitation only earned Izzy's ire. "I demand you let me kiss you!"

"I guess that would be fi-"

"Or else I'll fry your brain with my unicorn magic! Muahahaha!"

Pipp was pretty sure unicorns didn't have brain-frying magic. But she wasn't entirely sure that Izzy didn't. "Well, I wouldn't want to get my brain fried."

"No. You wouldn't."

"So, tongue or no tongue?"

Izzy looked sideways at her. "What do tongues have to do with anything?"

"Nevermind. Just... c'mere."

Pipp pulled Izzy in for a quick peck on the lips.

"There."

"Oooh..."

"Izzy, have you literally never been kissed before? Like, for real?"

Izzy wasn't listening to her. She seemed deep in thought as she rubbed absently at her mouth.

"Well, what did you think?"

"I thought it'd be more... magical."

"Aw, knife through my heart!" Pipp pretended to be wounded. "But I get it. When I said ponies you love, I meant, like, love love."

"Ah! Great idea! Thanks, Pipp!"

"There's one pony I can think of who - and she's gone. Alright."

Pipp was left on the couch next to a unicorn-shaped cloud of dust.

That was certainly a weird moment.

But she decided, as she finished typing the description and moved her hoof to tap "post", it was worth it for the content.

Hitch looked up as the bell rang above the door. Izzy walked in with a peculiar hop in her hoof.

"Hey, Izzy. What brings you- gah!"

He hadn't expected to be tackled from halfway across the sheriff's office just then. In fact, he rarely expected that to happen at any time of day. But now that it had happened, he could do nothing but accept it.

Izzy towered over him with a maniacal smile, and the ceiling lights cast ominous shadows across her face.

"What, uh, brings you here?"

"I'm going to kiss you," she said.

"Um."

"Or I'm frying your brain! Ehehehe!"

"Oh. Okay. I'll take the kiss, then."

Izzy pushed her muzzle into his, and they kissed. Then, without much ceremony, Izzy stepped off of him and sat on the floor, thinking to herself.

Hitch got up and asked, "What the hay was that all about!?"

"Pipp told me to kiss ponies I love. But I don't think it's working."

Hitch's response died in his throat when another voice rang out, "Of course it's not."

Zipp was there.

Zipp was there!?

Hitch's face turned bright red. "Ah, Zipp! We were just - I mean, we weren't - I mean - Guh?"

Zipp just ignored him, and approached Izzy. "You can kiss your friends. But if you want magic, you should kiss the pony you love."

"Well, how about I fry your-"

Zipp cut her off with a swift kiss.

"See? Not much. But watch this."

Zipp turned around to Hitch, who had only just regained his composure, and kissed him. It was just as swift, but it crossed Hitch's eyes and knocked him off his hooves again.

"See?"

"Ahhh, I see... Thanks, Zipp!"

When the cloud of dust dissipated, Zipp spotted Pipp sitting on one of the office lounge chairs, doing something on her phone. "Hey sis, what's up?"

"Ah, not much. Just watching my disaster unfold."

"Right. Well, she's probably headed-"

Pipp held a hoof up. "I'm there right after this."

Hitch managed to claw up onto the desk on unsteady legs. "Ah. She's gone. What was that all about?"

Something cued Pipp to leave. At the door, she looked back, and said, "Check your phones. This is the big one."

Sunny handed some smoothies to a patron. "Thank you, come again!"

She watched them leave, then turned back and noticed Pipp sitting at her counter.

"Oh, hey Pipp! What'll you have?"

"Nah, I'm just waiting."

Sunny looked around. It was a nice day, and nothing unusual seemed to be happening nearby. "Waiting for what?"

Pipp smiled. "Oh, you'll see..."

Sunny could only raise her eyebrow at that ominous warning, but shrugged it off. "Alright then - woah!"

A familiar unicorn suddenly barreled through Sunny's stall window, throwing them both between the storage shelves. Pipp peered over the counter and muttered, "There we go..."

Sunny stared at Izzy, and Izzy stared at Sunny.

"Izzy..."

"Yeah?"

"Why did you tackle me?"

"I wanted to kiss you."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"..."

"So..."

"If you don't let me kiss you, I'll fry your brain."

"Okay."

"So. Yeah."

"I don't want you to fry my brain, Izzy."

"I don't want to fry your brain either."

"So I guess we'll have to kiss?"

"Yup."

"So..."

"I'll just..."

They kissed.

Pipp noticed a scintillation in the air. She hadn't thought the 'magic' would have been so literal, but she was happy for them - until there came a crash. Sunny's alicorn horn and wings had manifested just at that moment, knocking everything off the shelves.

"Yay!" Izzy cried. "I found the magic!"

Sunny meanwhile laid flat on the floor with a dazed expression. Pipp imagined smoke coming out of her ears, and chuckled to herself, as she made sure to add lots of heart symbols in the description before posting this one.

It was worth it - and not just for the content!