The Incredible Inventions of Dr. Whooves
THUNK! The letter dropped to the bottom of Fluttershy's mailbox. Derpy Hooves looked into the mailbox with her right eye to check that it had gone in all the way. Satisfied with the result, she closed the mailbox, turned around, and carried her mailbag back into Ponyville.
Derpy Hooves was Ponyville's resident mailmare. She was quite good at her job, despite a certain characteristic that made others believe her to be incompetent:
She was permanently cross-eyed.
A rare birth defect had caused one of her yellow eyes to be always aimed looking at the other, making it difficult for her to see out of both eyes simultaneously. She was ridiculed as a filly because the others in her class assumed she was stupid. In reality, she was quite intelligent. She wasn't retarded, just misunderstood.
As she approached the house shared by Vinyl Scratch and Octavia, she thought about what kind of muffins she should get after work. Muffins were her favorite food, and she always stopped by Bon Bon's bakery and picked up a few for a treat.
Should I get blueberry? she thought after depositing Octavia's letter. What about chocolate chip? Or banana nut?Her mouth started to water thinking about them. Oh, I can't decide! Maybe I'll just get a few different kinds, and whatever I don't eat I'll give to Carrot Top.
She suddenly realized how light her bag felt. There was only one letter left, this one addressed to a "Dr. Whooves." She frowned. She didn't recognize the name, and she knew everypony in Ponyville. She knew the address, though. It was quite famous around town because it was the former site of Stinking Rich, a millionaire whose mansion towered over the surrounding land. As far as she knew, that property was abandoned and had been for a while, ever since Rich had passed away and left his bits to his son Filthy. Someone must have moved in recently.
Letter in hoof, Derpy headed down the path that would take her to the house. It was on the northwest corner of Ponyville, on top of a large hill surrounded by trees, where nopony had been in quite some time. That was because the path wound
through the dangerous Everfree Forest. Apparently Stinking Rich had built his mansion in that location to deter thieves--which makes sense, considering his massive wealth. That also meant that anypony else who lived there was either equally as rich or very shy.
As she was passing through the marketplace, not really paying attention to where she was going, she accidentally bumped into Lily, one of the Flower sisters. Lily, being her usual anxious self, screamed at the top of her lungs, attracting the attention of everypony within a 20-yard radius. When she saw the mailpony staring at her, she stopped shouting and, looking a little embarrassed, took some deep breaths.
"Sorry," she apologized profusely. "You know how easily startled I am."
Derpy nodded. She was indeed aware of Lily's tendencies to get scared.
"So, Derpy," the gardening pony continued, "where are you off to today?"
"I got one last letter to go, for a Mr., um, Doctor Whooves," she replied, reading the letter.
Lily shrieked again, this time not out of surprise but of fear. "You mean that old hermit who lives on that house up on the hill?! Nopony has ever seen him in person before! Haven't you heard that he's dangerous?"
Derpy gulped. "D-dangerous?" she stammered. No, she hadn't heard. What could be so dangerous about him?
Lily's two sisters, Daisy and Rose, had come to see what the commotion was about, and by this time they were adding their own theories.
"I hear he tortures baby bunnies for fun!" Daisy cried.
"Berry Punch told me he's an evil warlock who wants to take over Equestria!" Rose screamed.
Soon the other townsponies came over to them, chiming in with ridiculous accusations and adding to the commotion.
"He's a monster!"
"A spy!"
"A serial killer!"
"An alien!"
"A lunatic!"
The crowd became too much for Derpy to handle. Her claustrophobia had kicked in as she tried to break away from the crowd that was now yelling at her to go back home, to drop the letter and get as far away as possible. She finally managed to break free, and the last thing she heard before she was out of earshot was the unmistakable cry of a panic-stricken Lily shouting, "The horror! The horror!"
After she regained her composure from that frightening experience, Derpy thought about the myths that had apparently been swirling around town. Being a mailmare was a full-time occupation that did not leave much room for social activities, and she wasn't the gossiping type to begin with, so it wasn't unnatural that this was her first time hearing about the strange stallion. But after hearing the terrible things that were being said about him, she started to get second thoughts about delivering his letter.
No, she insisted to herself. It's my duty as a mail carrier to deliver everypony's mail--even if they are a little on the strange side.
But what if the rumors were true? She didn't want to think about it and tried to tell herself otherwise.
"They said the same things about Zecora before they met her," she said aloud, "and she turned out to be nice! I'm sure he can't be that bad."
Having properly convinced herself that she was in no danger, she spread her wings and decided to fly the rest of the way through the forest. It was faster to traverse the skies of Ponyville--air mail, as she called it--but it was also very tiring, so she couldn't do it often. Especially with a full mailbag. But since she only had one more letter to go, she decided it would be better to just get it over with as fast as possible.
A few exhausting minutes later, she'd arrived at the mysterious house. It wasn't a mansion by any sense of the word, but it still looked stunningly beautiful. The exterior was simultaneously practical and stylish, gold trimmings contrasting the dark brown coats of paint covering the walls. It looked like whoever lived there was trying to be modest about the apprearance, but at the same time looking good enough to make it stand out. If she could describe it in a word, Derpy would call the house "functional."
She looked for the mailbox, but she couldn't see it. She'd have to drop the letter into the mail slot. Frowning, she walked up to the door and was about to drop the letter into the slot when, suddenly, a high-pitched whining pierced her ears. As she tried to cover them with her hooves to drown out the noise, she saw a red laser shining directly into her eyes.
"STATE YOUR NAME AND PURPOSE," a loud robotic voice commanded. "ELIMINATION WILL BEGIN IN T-MINUS 10 SECONDS."
Derpy panicked. "Um...Derpy...H-Hooves..." she stammered.
"INSUFFICEINT RESPONSE," the monotonous voice answered. "COMMENCE TERMINATON."
The whining grew louder as the light intensified, blinding her. She shut her eyes tight as she prepared for the worst.
Then, just as soon as it had started, the noise and lights stopped. She opened her eyes to see a tan-colored earth pony with a dark brown mane standing in the doorway.
"Sorry for that, love," he said in a foreign accent. "New security system still has a couple bugs, I guess. Didn't mean to give you such a scare." He extended a hoof in greeting. "I'm Doctor Whooves, by the way. Nice to meet you."
Still shaking, Derpy gave a small smile and placed the letter in his hoof. He took it and looked it over for a moment before he said, "Ah! I was waiting for this! Thank you ever so much for coming all the way out here to deliver it. Much appreciated."
When he noticed she was smiling awkwardly and not speaking, he gestured for her to follow him inside."Tell you what--to make up for nearly vaporizing you, why don't you join me for some tea?"
She nodded. "Tea sounds good."
Derpy took a sip from her teacup. The slightly bitter liquid passed over her lips, and she cringed at the taste. But as she drank more, it began to taste very sweet. Doctor Whooves said it was chamomile; he used to drink it in his hometown of Trottingham. He also prepared some scones, which were like muffins but not quite as tasty.
The colt sat in a leather armchair across the table from his guest, taking a scone off the plate for himself. He sat and watched Derpy for a few minutes as she drank her tea. Putting the cup down for a moment, she asked a question to break the silence. "So how long have you been here?"
The earth pony answered, "Only about a month. I haven't had any guests over since then; probably 'cause of the remote location, I s'ppose."
So he doesn't know about the rumors, Derpy thought. Probably because he didn't get out much. "Did you build this house yourself?" she asked.
"Oh, no, I hired some construction ponies to help me. I did design the floorplan for the house, however."
Derpy thought for a moment as she processed this. "So you're an architect?"
Doctor Whooves laughed. "No, not really. It's just a sort of..erm...hobby of mine."
The way he said this made him sound very suspicious. Was there something he wasn't telling her? Derpy decided to let it go. After sipping her tea again she asked, "So how do you like Ponyville?"
"Oh, it looks like quite a lovely place, though I've never really been down to the village. It is quite some distance away, as I'm sure you've noticed. It's too much of a hassle for me to get down there."
"Really? You've never been to Ponyville? Then how do you eat and get food?"
"Well, occasionally I send my assistant down to get something I need, but I have a garden in the back, so food isn't much of a problem--"
"What do you mean, assistant?" Derpy interrupted. "What do you need an assistant for?"
"For my job," he replied. "It does require a lot of work, and lots of little things that I haven't got time for. My assistant helps me out whenever I need something, and she's quite efficient too."
She, he'd said. Could this "assistant" be his marefriend? Or possibly a daughter or other family member?
"But I think that's enough about me," he said. "What do you do?"
"You mean besides delivering mail? Well, I do really like muffins--"
"Muffins?" the doctor interrupted quizzically. "Are they like scones?"
"Yeah, you could say that," Derpy smirked with a small laugh.
By this time both ponies had finished their snacks of tea and scones. Derpy glanced over at the clock on the wall and said, "Well, thank you for the scones and all, but I really have to go soo-"
"Wait!" the colt yelled, barely controlling his enthusiasm. In a much quieter voice he said, "I haven't even shown you my workshop yet!"
Derpy blinked. "W-workshop? What do you mean?"
Before she could say anything more, Dr. Whooves grabbed her front hoof and led he through the house. "C'mon, you'll love it!" he shouted as they galloped down the hallway together. Whether she liked it or not, she was about to discover the secret behind the reclusive colt everypony was talking about.
There had been several different scenarios that Derpy had considered before she entered the cavernous workshop that was in the doctor's home, but none of them were anything like what was in front of her.
The "workshop" looked larger than an airplane hangar, filled with machines as far as the eye could see. Giant bronze structures soared up towards the impossibly high ceiling, which didn't seem to have any purpose other than decoration. There were semi-completed projects--metallic figures with gears spilling out of their innards, vehicle frames that needed to be attached to a chassis--interspersed between the finished ones. Apparently the doctor wasn't very good at organization, thought Derpy.
But the most prolific item was the clock. There were all sorts of clocks of all shapes and sizes, from hourglasses to digital to analog to pendulum to atomic to pocket. The fact that the doctor made all these clocks made sense, considering his cutie mark was an hourglass, but Derpy had to wonder...why would anypony need so many clocks?
The noise in the room was bordering on deafening. With hundreds of mechanical objects humming and whirring, amplified by the echoing acoustics provided by the high ceiling, the volume was almost unbearably loud. Fortunately for Derpy, Doctor Whooves offered her some ear plugs, which greatly reduced the decibel count. When he shouted loud enough to be heard over the din, "Let's go check it out, shall we?", she nodded and followed along as he took her on a tour.
Their first stop was a large grandfather clock that seemed harmless enough, but when the doctor pressed a hidden button underneath the clock face, it swiveled around to reveal two large laser guns. "Perfect for fending off intruders," he said, grinning. Derpy was forcibly reminded of what had happened when she first rang the doorbell, and she wanted to get out as quickly as possible.
Next they saw a tiny silver bird with a wind-up key in its back. Dr. Whooves wound up the key and let it go. As Derpy watched in amazement, the bird flapped its wings and started to fly around the room. She giggled as it fluttered directly in front of her face, over her head, and all around her body.
"That's an automaton," the colt explained as the bird curled up in Derpy's mane. "Apparently it seems to have taken a liking to you."
She laughed. "It's cute!"
"You can keep it if you like," he replied. "That was just a side project I did; it was really simple, actually. Anyway, you look like you get more enjoyment out of it than I do."
"Really?!" The mailmare grinned the widest of grins. "Thanks!"
Once the bird had calmed down, the earth pony led Derpy over to the next exhibit: a bowl-shaped device that was big enough to hold two ponies side-by-side. It was supposed to be a flying machine according to Doctor Whooves, but when he tried to explain how the rotors were connected to the internal combustion engine via an intricate series of wires, Derpy simply nodded, having not understood a single word he'd said. Mechanical talk just seemed to go in one ear and out the other.
At a nearby worktable, an orange mare with a wrench-shaped Cutie Mark was working on carving something with an electric saw. Derpy couldn't tell exactly what it was, but judging by the way the mare's brow was furrowed with concentration and her tongue was just jutting over her lips, it must have been very important.
The mare looked up for a moment and noticed the doctor and his guest observing her. She gave a small gasp of surprise as she shut off the saw and pushed her wood shaving-coated goggles up over her eyes. "Sorry, I didn't notice you just now," she said to the two of them.
"That's quite alright," the brown colt said, chuckling. "I know how absorbed you often get in your work." Addressing Derpy, he said, "This is Ratchet, my assistant. "
"Hiya!" she said cheerfully to Derpy. "Who might you be?"
"My name's Derpy," the gray mailmare answered. "I came by to deliver a letter."
"Well, nice to meet you, Derpy! We don't really get many visitors, you see, so it's a welcoming change to see somepony else around here."
Derpy asked the question that had been bugging her ever since she'd heard about the doctor's assistant. "So how did you two meet?"
Doctor Whooves answered, "Her parents were good friends of mine--until they were killed in an accident a couple of years ago. I took her in as my apprentice, and she's been living with me ever since."
Ratchet nodded. "He's been a great mentor to me for all this time. We really get along well, don't you think?" She directed this last comment to the earth pony, who laughed and said, "Whatever you say."
Something about the pair threw Derpy off. She wasn't really sure what it was about them, but the way they interacted made her feel a little angry. Mostly it was towards Ratchet. The pegasus had no idea what it was or why she was feeling that way, but she didn't like it. There was no reason to hate such a sweet mare. Nevertheless, she couldn't help acknowledging the animosity that was inside her.
They said goodbye to Ratchet and left her to finish her project. They looked at a couple more exhibits, but the doctor's attention appeared to be on something--or somepony--else.
After a couple more minutes of walking around, Derpy spoke up. "Um, we've been through here five times now."
Dr. Whooves looked surprised, as if he'd only just noticed. "Oh, sorry--um--I just got--erm--distracted." He turned around and hurried in the opposite direction, looking as though he was trying to get away from the situation as fast as possible.
They continued to trot around aimlessly, Derpy following the colt as he moved without paying attention to where he was going. She caught him eyeing her a few times, which made her turn a deep shade of red. She absently touched the autonomous bird still resting in her mane, cradling it as she walked.
By the time they approached the prototype flying mechanism for the twentieth time, Derpy said, "I think we've seen about all there is to see here."
The doctor nodded nervously. "Oh, yes, absolutely, you're quite right, spot on." He cleared his throat and moved towards the doorway leading out of the workshop.
The hallway was eerily quiet. The noise from the machines had all but vanished. The two ponies took the earplug out of their ears, since they only helped to make the silence even more weighty.
They sat with their flanks against the wall, neither one sure of what to do next. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Derpy spoke. "Have you ever had a marefriend before?"
It took the earth pony a few seconds to process this. "Once. It was when I was young. We met up at a Junior Inventor's Convention. We stuck around for a few months; then she moved out of Trottingham and I never saw her again."
The story sounded much like one from Derpy's past. Her heart skipped a beat as the face of a young azure stallion flashed through her mind. She was instantly reminded of a gorgeous sunset, so vibrant and beautifully colored that she insisted it couldn't have been naturally produced. The memory was fleeting, however, and after a second the deep red sky overlooking the isolated inlet was gone.
"If you had the opportunity to meet her again, would you give her another chance?"
"Like I said, we were young, still just fillies. I wouldn't say it was a serious relationship."
"There's a thin line between what's serious and what isn't. You have to judge for yourself whether you want it to be serious."
By this time the two of them were sitting directly across from one another, staring into each other's eyes. Derpy could see his light blue eyes more clearly than she ever saw anything before.
Then, as she was gazing transfixed into those eyes, something happened that was so unexpected it took a moment for her to register it. When she realized what it was, she went along, giving him all her passion and longing in that one simple act of affection. Nothing else existed in the world except the feel of his warm lips against her own, lips that she knew she'd never tasted yet felt strangely familiar.
Strangely, she began thinking about Ratchet. The image of the doctor's assistant felt almost sinister, as though it were a disgusting piece of trash that was trying to ruin her moment of bliss. She pulled away abruptly and began staring intently at the floor, her cheeks a bright red hue. Scorning herself in shame, she tried to get her breathing, which was deep and heavy, under control.
When she finally looked up, she was surprised to see him reacting in almost exactly the same way. He managed to recompose himself and looked up at her.
"I can't do this," he said. "This feels too familiar, almost like--like I'm intruding."
Derpy responded, "I get that. I feel the same about you. It's almost like there's some inner force pushing me back."
"Yeah. I don't know if we should keep this up. I mean, if this is gonna be how it's like every time..." There was a silence as he broke off.
"What do you mean? What are you talking about, 'every time?'"
The colt couldn't bring himself to speak. "I want..." He looked down, struggling to say what he was feeling. He managed to get out the words, "I want...to be...with you. As in...for a long time."
The gray pony wasn't sure whether to be surprised. She had been expecting something along these lines, but to hear him say it aloud still came across as a shock. He was asking her to go steady with him.
What he'd said was true. It would be difficult to commit to a relationship if she saw somepony else's face whenever they had any interaction. But she knew there was a connection between them--that much was pretty evident. She didn't want to say no, but she couldn't rush the decision. So she picked his chin up and spoke to him.
"I'm flattered, really I am. It's just that I don't want to make a promise I may not be able to keep."
He opened his mouth to speak, but she shushed him and continued. "I have lots going on in my life right now. I have a job, a roommate, rent to pay. I don't want to plunge headfirst into something without evaluating all the variables."
He gave the smallest of smiles, which she returned with a grin of her own. "I know all about the importance of variables," he chuckled.
"So," Derpy finished, "my answer is maybe--for now."
Dr. Whooves slowly nodded, accepting all the information presented to him. "I understand how it is. But if you ever change your mind..."
He gently reached into her mane and removed the silver bird from it. "This bird has a button, concealed under the right wing. Press it, and it'll find its way back here. When I see it, I'll know you've made your decision."
She took the bird back from him and wrapped him in a hug. "I'll remember," she promised.
The hug seemed to last indefinitely. Then Doctor Whooves said, laughing, "I think the tour's over."
The doctor led Derpy through the corridors of his house without saying a word. Soon they were back in the living room, where they'd had the tea and scones.
The gray mare picked up her mailbag and put it on her back, saying, "Well, it's getting kind of late. I think I'd better head home now. Thank you for the scones and the tea and--well, everything."
"It was my pleasure," he replied. As she turned to go out the door he called, "And don't forget what I told you!"
"I won't!" she answered as she turned around and waved. Then she spread her wings and flew towards home, her head swimming with thoughts of the new pony in town. As she flew, she stared at the mechanical bird in her hoof, a reminder of the promise she'd made to the pony who reminded her so much of one she once knew.
She hoped he'd get another letter soon.
