What Once Was

by Mr Extra

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Spike, Adventure, Sad
Length: 2445

After an unexpected reminder, Spike reflects on what loving someone really means.

When a memento is the past presents itself, Spike finds himself reflecting on what once was. And how it lead him to now.

Published 2022-09-09 04:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-09-09 04:20:01 UTC

If You Love Them...

Spike paused, the book halfway off the shelf, as something slipped from between the pages and fluttered down to the ground. It was small and purple and the moment he saw it the world came crashing to a halt.

Gingerly he picked it up between two claws. It was so small now, smaller than he remembered. The face of it was dry and stiff with age, but no less vibrant than it had been when it put it away. It was covered with a simple design of silver scrollwork. He didn’t even need to turn it over to know what it would say.

To Mi Amore
May your heart burn bright as the stars.

Rarity had given it to him for Hearths Warming. It had been tucked inside another book then, the title long forgotten. Just another way to show she cared.

And how she had cared.

He could still remember. Their first kiss. They had been on a mission from the Map, deep in the Mareican jungle, being chased by gorillas of all things, when she had run out of the jungle and straight off a cliff.

In hindsight it hadn’t been very difficult to swoop down and catch her but at the time he’d been out of his mind in panic. Watching her break through the treeline and disappear, only for the shrill scream to rise up a second later.

When they had touched down at the bottom she had been nearly beside herself with embarrassment. Muttering about how unladylike it had been and fussing about with the twigs in her hair. To him she had been sparkling. So alive and radiant that he had felt entranced. Hypnotized by her sapphire eyes.

When their lips parted she had been stunned. Too overwhelmed to say more than a breathy “Oh” before she leaned back in.

How he had teased her for that.

Spike smiled as he brushed a claw across the small purple bookmark. Memories were flowing fast now. The sweet, the spicy, the scary, the… saucy. She had been fascinated by all the things he could do with his claws. Scratching, tickling, poking. And, later, she had been more fascinated by what he could do with his teeth.

He had held her down, not with his arms, but with his body. Pressed chest to chest she had shivered as his jaws wrapped around her throat. Each little tooth like a dagger pressed against her supple skin. Power that could end her life in a moment, carefully controlled. One hoof had been pushed against his chest as if by a child trying to lift a mountain. The other had been wrapped around his neck, gently drawing him closer. Tighter. Daring him to bite. Knowing he wouldn’t.

She had been enthralled in her own way, though she was embarrassed to admit it, and they had made a dashing pair. The beautiful princess and her handsome knight traveling to far off lands. Stopping evil villains and rescuing innocent foals. Dancing at fantastical parties and crawling through dark crypts.

It was like a fairytale come to life. He could look at her, quirking his eyebrow just so, and she would be a mess of giggles. She would find him after a long day of paperwork, with his claws cramped and his eyes crossed, glooming into a room, and wrap herself around him in a gentle embrace.

Even now, as a half remembered dream, he could feel the tension easing out of his bones.

But such things couldn’t last forever. It could have been the arguments, the fights, the long nights, the close calls. They were all harrowing in their own way but, personally, he thought it was the foals.

Rarity had been a wonderful aunt, if at times a less than stellar sister. When Sweetie’s first foal was born she had doted on the child. She made presents, and coats, and scarves galore. Whether little Jingle wanted a toy or an ice-cream, Aunty Rarity was always the one to ask. Her heart was as big as the world and Little Jingle was her star.

But when it came to sending her niece home… Well, there was always time for one more story. Or one more game. Her eyes always lingered on the little one as she walked away.

It was the same with the foals in other cities, and when she volunteered at the school. The children laughed and played and danced with her, but in the end they all went home. In the end it was just the two of them.

Spike would have given her the world, but he couldn’t give her this.

And so he hadn’t been surprised when she had asked to take some time apart. It had still hurt, but he had smiled and said that he understood. He had lied when he told her it wasn’t tearing him apart inside.

They had grown more distant as time passed, more involved in their own lives, but they had always made time for tea every week. Rain or shine, hot or cold, they would meet at the cafe with the sky blue patio and chat about everything. The weather, fashion, or the latest creature to blunder through town and, for a moment, Spike could pretend that everything was how it used to be.

Until He came into her life. It had been a tentative thing at first, mentioned in passing over tea. She had met a dashing stallion from Manehatten. It wasn’t anything, really! But he could see that sparkle in her eye, the slight blush on her cheeks when she talked. She wanted to introduce them, to see what he thought.

So he said yes.

Twilight had told him he should stop. As much as she loved the two of them she could see how it was eating him up inside. But he persisted. Because he wanted to be near her. He wanted to see her. Because as much as it tore him up, her laugh was like a gentle breeze on a burn. Her smile a warm blanket in a blizzard.

Dandy had been, well, dandy. A sleek and sharp eyed stallion from the city he would stand out in any crowd. He’d come in search of new locations for his restaurant in the growing town of Ponyville, but instead he’d found a Belle. He was charming. He was handsome.

He’d been intimidated by Spike.

Spike hadn’t been necessarily trying to make the pony feel uncomfortable, but he still found it immensely satisfying to see the stallion squirm. The second head of height he’d gained over the last three years only amplified the effect.

But the pony hadn't backed down, and he’d checked out. There wasn’t quite the same spark in his eye that Rarity had, but there were the beginnings of one.

So Spike had asked his questions, he’d pushed his buttons, and learned how to make a Ruby en Cocotte along the way. And after Dandy had to catch his train back to the big city Rarity had wanted his opinion.

He could tell that she thought the world of the pony. The way she looked at him, the way she laughed. It was like she’d just finished a dress for the princesses and was eager to show it off. But there was also the hint at the back of her eyes, that fear buried beneath the surface.

He knew if he said no that would be the end of it. The two would just be friends, colleagues, but nothing more. He could put an end to it, here and now, and keep Rarity all to himself.

Betray her trust and gain the world, his world, back.

So he said yes.

What followed was a whirlwind of romance. Within a week they were dating, and within a year they were engaged. It didn’t have the adventure and swagger of his own romance, but it was no less poignant for it. Roses by the door, evenings by the lake. An entire Marzipan Mascarpone Creme topped with a perfectly coiffed mane.

The two became inseparable. Dandy opened a new restaurant in Ponyville and Rarity was there every night. They were bouncy, they were playful, they were joyously happy.

As soon as the wedding was announced the planning was stupendous. With Pinkie at the helm how could it not be? It would be held on the hill above town in late summer. Fluttershy would be managing the choir and Applejack would be catering, because there was no way Rarity was getting off without some good old fashioned Apple generosity. Twilight even made some time in between her school and her royal duties to organize the event. For months her private suite was littered with lists longer than her throne room carpet.

And when the day came it was magical. The girls had all been in attendance as bridesmaids, and Spike had been a groomsman, towering over the ponies beside him. The air had been filled with streamers that fluttered through the air on softly eddying currents. Confetti floated like shimmering snow in the height of summer. Every stallion was dressed to the nines and every mare was glittering with jewels, but none could compare to the most beautiful gem.

Rarity floated like a princess across the room, her smile brighter than a halo and her voice sweeter than a harp. Her hooves barely seemed to touch the ground the entire day. When her dress billowed it even seemed to form wings that she could fly off with to the radiant songs from on high.

There was laughing, there was crying, there were speeches, there were party cannons. Throughout it all Rainbow would occasionally conduct ‘changeling’ checks on random guests only for her to eventually find a changeling and apologize profusely, eliciting wild laughter from Pinkie and giggles all around.

When the night eventually wound down and the dancing dried up, the two ponies said their goodbyes. Every mare got a fierce hug from Rarity, declaring the wedding perfect and that postcards would be plentiful. In return they wished her well and told her not to come back too soon. Everything would be just as she left it when she returned.

And at last she had hugged Spike, lingering just a bit longer than the rest. When they parted there was no need for long goodbyes. Just a dazzling smile and a simple ‘thank you’ said more than enough.

Then she left, waving furiously as she slowly shrank into the distance on the back of a train and a rainboom exploded into chromatic rings overhead.

The others eventually left. Rainbow and Pinky to continue the party, Applejack and Fluttershy to attend to their chores. Only Twilight stayed with Spike there on the platform. He couldn’t remember what they had talked about, or if they’d spoken at all, but they had stayed into the early morning hours when Celestia’s sun poked above the horizon. When they eventually returned to the castle and closed the doors, all was quiet. The silence of the emptiness that filled it deafening.

When Spike awoke he found a pony shaped hole in his heart. Something no salve could soothe and no gem could fill. The town he had known for so long felt like an empty shell of what was-- that rare smile was gone.

And so he left.

Twilight was waiting for him at the doors. She gave him a sad smile, but didn’t try to stop him. Instead she gave him a bag and a hug, and told him if he didn’t write she would personally find him and turn his claws into pens. Spike decided that she was probably joking.

What followed were the most chaotic days of his life.

He trekked across the Badlands and sailed around the horn of Zebrica. The depths of the Eye of the World soon held no more horror for him than the sands of the Saddle Arabian Desert. Harpies of The Eastern Hills called him friend while the Griffin Legions called him blood brother and Stone Breaker. Braves of the Bearing Streight knew of him as Lone Bird With Burning Heart. And, in the end, he found himself at last in the Dragon Tooth Mountains.

It hadn’t been his intended destination. He had just followed his feet, wandering from place to place until at last he had found himself here. With nothing but the bag on his back. Which, to be fair, was a lot more than it seemed like.

As he had soon discovered when Twilight prepared, she prepared. He wasn’t sure how she had done it, but the bag had been anything but ordinary. It weighed little more than ordinary cloth but was harder than dragon scales and inside it was big enough to fit an entire cottage. To top it off she had included enough gems for a year and one of her special two-way journals, which he found buzzing angrily at him a month into his journey.

It wasn’t the only book either; Twilight had supplied him with the start of his own library. The original five hundred books had ballooned over the course of his travels to nearly forty-five thousand. Each book had been read and then meticulously cataloged using Twilight’s own personal system.

It felt strange and yet… fitting being back where it had all started. He hadn’t been able to explain it. Ponyville had been his home for years, but now he didn’t belong there. He didn’t feel like he belonged anywhere. Not with the ponies, not with the dragons. So he had decided to make his own home. Here, at the edge of the Dragon Tooth Mountains, he decided to make a home for his library. His Hoard.

“Daddy?”

And other things.

The little voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he looked down to the hatchling waddling towards him. Haze was a small, fragile thing barely big enough to reach his knee, and he would crack the skull of anyone who so much as looked at her funny.

“What’s that daddy?”

She was reaching up curiously towards the bookmark he held gingerly in his claw. Spike bent down slowly and showed her the curious item, watching carefully for any signs of hiccups. “This was given to me by a very special friend of mine.” he said, “She was a pony, and the most generous soul I’ve ever met.”

“Even mommy?”

“Well,” he said, grinning, “Mommy doesn’t like to share her blankets.”

Author's Note

It's amazing, after nearly a decade, how feelings can linger under the surface. Waiting for just the right poke.