A Royal Mess

by fluttermoontree

Rating: teen
Tags: Discord, Princess Celestia, Narcotics, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Romance, Random
Length: 1701

Twilight thought planning a party for Princess Luna would go without a hitch. She couldn’t be more wrong.

Twilight Sparkle and her friends are the heroes of Equestria. They’ve been on adventures, tackled villains and saved everypony’s lives multiple times. So planning a small last-minute party to cheer up Princess Luna should go smoothly...right?

Set right after Season 4, before the beginning of Season 5. If you’d like to know beforehand, pairings include Twilestia (not in the same timeline as In Your Dreams), LunaPie, AppleDash and Fluttercord.

Rated Teen for strong alcohol usage (though it’s comedic)

Cover art by me :)

Published 2022-07-16 18:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-07-16 18:30:00 UTC

Prologue: How Did We Get Here?

A crash sounded in the distance, and Twilight Sparkle’s eyes flared open.

The glare of the full moon streamed in through tall, arched windows, the dim surroundings cast in a ghostly silver glow. Twilight squinted in confusion, trying to ignore the throbbing pain in her temples, her vision clearly blurred even in the dark. She closed her eyes again, groaning and sliding back under her blanket. It felt like she’d taken a buckball to the head. Princess duties or no, she was not getting out of bed today. The mattress Twilight lay upon felt softer and warmer than ever before, her limbs so heavy with sleep she couldn’t even think about leaving it.

Poor Princess Celestia. Imagine having to wake up at the crack of dawn even on days like this, with practically all of Equestria depending on you doing so.

Her thoughts briefly flitted to her mentor, as they’d recently started to do so increasingly– especially in those tender moments before and after the stillness of sleep. As usual, Twilight squashed them away, attributing them to no more than a deep admiration and possibly hormonal changes from the second puberty of becoming an alicorn. She was admittedly not very well-informed on the subject, her knowledge about it simply vague recollections from a book on alicorn biology that she’d read as a filly– though she’d stolen it from Cadence when her foalsitter wasn’t looking and had returned it a few hours later, scarred by horrors that nopony of her age should have ever seen.

Twilight’s train of thought frayed into mild embarrassment as she recollected how she’d avoided any contact with the Princess and Cadence for a few weeks after that, unable to look at them in quite the same way as before. Of course, she’d soon overcome it (and questioned the credibility of the book several times). But sleep, coupled with the disorientation of a stabbing headache, had a chokehold on her that was too great to overpower. She snuggled back under the covers as her breaths began to slow again…

All too soon, Twilight’s dreamless slumber was yet again broken by the sound of a loud teleportation spell, a jarring snap of fingers and a rough, nasal voice that carried an all too familiar tone of amusement.

“Oh my, what a sight indeed…”

“Discord,” Twilight growled quietly, “surely Fluttershy’s taught you that you do not teleport into your friends’ houses uninvited, especially at a time when everypony should be asleep?”

“Oh, but this isn’t a time when everypony and every-draconequus should be asleep, even a late riser like me.” Discord huffed from behind her. “Though I understand if you don’t appreciate my coming here to tell you it’s already eleven in the morning. A bit late for the moon to still be out, if you ask me.”

“What?”

Twilight sat up in an instant, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. With another snap of his fingers, the gentle moonbeam that had lit up the room a few moments earlier was now concealed, and it was pitch dark save for a few glimmers of light around the windows.

“Discord!” Twilight snapped. “Where are the princesses? This isn’t the doing of another one of your magical seed snacks, is it?” She whipped around to glare at him, and winced as her head made contact with his scales. “And for Equestria’s sake, can you remove whatever Lights-Out spell you’ve decided to grace my room with?”

“Don’t ‘Discord’ me,” the draconequus snorted, “for the Princess of Friendship, you hardly display the gratitude that is expected of companionship. Firstly, the princesses seem to be absolutely fine– you can ask them yourselves.”

He leant in, and even in the dark, Twilight could make out his glaring yellow eyes and the pinpricks of their scarlet pupils.

“And secondly, just so we have it straight, I’ve learnt well from Fluttershy. I didn’t break into your house uninvited, because as far as I can tell, this certainly isn’t your room, or the Castle of Friendship.”

Discord snapped his fingers, and strong, white lights flickered on in sharp bursts. Twilight looked at the scene around her– and it took everything she had not to collapse in a heap.

The Canterlot Ballroom had been wrecked to the extent it was almost unrecognisable. Ornate decorations had been ripped apart and pulled to the ground, ripped cloth hanging down in ragged silver trails. Gramophones were overturned, needles dented, some skewered through the records. Tables were knocked aside, the remnants of shattered punch-glasses scattered in sticky pools of a fizzy amber liquid that was decidedly not punch. A sharp, sour smell hit Twilight’s nostrils, incensing a cloying yet pungent taste on her tongue. Before she could stop herself she was retching loudly, hoof over her mouth.

“Twilight?”

A smooth, melodious voice whispered weakly from beneath her.

With a gasp, Twilight looked down to realise that the snuggly, down feather-soft bed she’d been unable to rouse herself from had indeed been actual feathers. Thick, pillowy layers of feathers of the purest white. Feathers that had been wrapped around her like a cocoon, branching out from the wings of the ruler of Equestria herself, Princess Celestia.

Shocked violet eyes met amethyst ones that were widening in confusion, and both princesses let out resounding gasps. Celestia’s wings sprung up and away from Twilight, whose own wings were folding back in dread as she noticed a line of small, discoloured marks trailing down the Princess’s neck. Celestia noticed Twilight staring at them from where she was glued to the floor in an almost catatonic state, and looked down at herself. The Princess of the Sun felt her muzzle grow as hot as the star she controlled.

“Twilight, I…” Celestia stuttered, but she was interrupted by the sounds of soft groans from behind them.

The princesses turned. Twilight whipped around, poised on all fours as if ready to attack, wings outstretched. Celestia managed to raise herself up despite a debilitating headache, assuming the same position behind her (though she swayed wildly before reaching balance). The sight that met them made both princesses exclaim yet again.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack were slowly coming round from where they had been passed out together in the left corner. Applejack’s mane flew wild and free of its usual mane tie. Her brown Stetson hat was on Dash’s head instead, under which the pegasus’s vibrant mane hung in frazzled clumps. They were surrounded by mountains of shattered plates and cutlery, and rather a lot of mashed up pies.

At the far right end of the ballroom, Rarity and Fluttershy were sprawled together in a heap amidst piles of ruined cake. Their muzzles were smeared with frosting like a foal’s playground war-paint. Fluttershy’s gaze was spaced-out (and unusually calm for the normally skittish pegasus) yet she winced slightly, holding her stomach in discomfort. Rarity startled herself awake with a loud hiccup and then hastily extricated herself from Fluttershy, hooves over her muzzle as she cowered in embarrassment.

But front and centre were Pinkie Pie and Luna, the earth pony wrapped in a midnight-blue cocoon of wings not too different to the one Celestia had held Twilight in a few moments earlier. The Princess of the Night was completely unresponsive. Her starry mane pooled around them like a galactic blanket as their breaths rose and fell in sync, unperturbed by the devastation around them.

“My, my.” Discord chortled from above where he perched on the only chandelier still remaining on the ceiling. “This gives even my chaos magic a run for its money.”

“Goodness, I…” Celestia spluttered. She looked down at Twilight, whose ears were folding back as she avoided her former mentor’s gaze. The purple alicorn took in the ruins around her, growing more and more distressed as she noticed her friends’ shifty expressions as they slowly broke apart (with the exception of Pinkie Pie, who was still cosily snuggled up with Luna).

“Girls, what is the meaning of this?” Twilight blustered. A searing pain shot through her skull yet again, and she crumpled, Celestia steadying her with a wing just in time.

Rarity shook her head clear of the dizziness, scowling, her mascara heavily smudged.

“Heavens if I know,” she said, then glared up at the draconequus. “But I think I have an idea.”

“Now, I think it’s best if we don’t jump to conclusions–” Fluttershy tried to intervene, but as usual her words trailed off before they were heard.

“Who, me?” Discord spat. “I’ve been left alone all night in Ponyville just because you didn’t trust me enough to join your little princess party, and now it’s me you blame again when I come back to find you’ve trashed the place like a rave at Tartarus?”

“They have raves in Tartarus?” Pinkie suddenly shrieked in disbelief. “Parties? In TARTARUS?”

She leapt up from beneath Luna’s feathers (the princess was still out cold) and began hopping around the ballroom in excitement.

“Eeeee! Time for a totally-not-dangerous after party in the depths of the underworld!”

The others (bar Princess Luna) stared at her speechlessly.

“Whaaat?” Pinkie Pie pouted. “Partying with monsters is more fun than partying with Canterlot business ponies trying to act drunk. Though Princess Luna did seem to enjoy that, at least.”

Twilight blinked, unable to move in disbelief. They’d defeated countless villains, least of all King Sombra, Tirek, and the legendary Nightmare Moon herself. But nothing came close to the destruction the Elements had seemingly caused by themselves.

How, she wondered, had a party gone so incredibly wrong?

“Twi…” Applejack interjected suddenly, staring at the ground. “I think I probably shouldn’t have left Apple Bloom in charge of the cider deliveries.”

Author's Note

Well, here’s the prologue of a rather chaotic fic. Decided to begin it at the end (although you haven’t quite seen the full extent of the damage yet, there’s still more shocks to come. I really don’t envy the Princesses and Mane Six).

I’m not sure how often I can update this, but I do have the rest of it planned and somewhat written out. Watch how a few bad decisions lead to a pretty catastrophic domino effect…