“What?” Celestia frowns and the playful air that had dominated her features since we first took to the skies disappears.

“You’d think that after I suggested such a game I'd be ready for this question. Ancestors preserve me.” Celestia shakes her head.

“That's not what I asked Sólestia. What was the fucking promise that made you decide to torture me!” Sólestia - No. Her name is Celestia stop -

“Fenrir I don't care what you call me. If it helps you to see me as Sólestia then call me that. Trust me when I say I do not care, especially when it clearly distresses you this much. Anyone else however…” I growl loudly.

“That's not -”

“Yes I know that's not what you asked and I'm going to be blunt Fenrir, you are not going to like the answer to that question. At the same time it's about a four day flight to reach the Dragon Lands and given your reaction to such revelations in the past I think it would be best to wait until we make camp tonight. I promise to tell you everything, I'll even recast the Fae spell to prove I'm still being honest.” I try to tackle Sólestia out of the air but she easily dodges me. Her only response to my charge is a sigh as she shakes her head.

“Fuck you Sólestia! Tell me right now what you did to me. Tell me why!” I try again to hit Sólestia but with just as much ease as before she effortlessly dodges me and even smacks me with her tail when I pass. I whirl around and snarl, but stop my next charge as Sólestia snarls back and matches my aerial stance.

“Fine. If you want the answer so bad I'll give it to you, but you have to play by the rules. You promised a back and forth between us, so I'll tell you what you want after you answer me.” I let out a long and low hiss that leaves a cloud of frost in my wake. When I don't do anything else Sólestia just nods her head and twists around in the air and pumps her wings. In seconds she is back to gliding on the thermals as if nothing ever happened. Reluctantly I follow along behind her.

“I want answers.” Sólestia hums softly.

“You'll get them, but answer me first. It's been over two and a half years since you managed to free yourself from your stasis crystal. Not long after that you tried to take your own life and we had you put in the medical ward with around the clock monitoring since you kept trying. My question is simple, have you tried to harm yourself again since Spike started to come visit you daily.” I hiss loudly.

“Yes I tried, no I didn't go through with it. Your son… Spike stopped me.” I can feel a gentle warmth build on my cheeks. I still don’t understand what he sees in me, especially back then.

“Good, I'm glad he was there for you Fenrir. Especially since he managed to do something that I continue to fail at. As for the promise I made to you, it's important for you to know that after Ragnarök you were gravely injured and begged me to let you die. I refused and did everything I could to heal you and save your life. You responded by repeatedly trying to kill yourself.” A frown is very quick to replace the small blush that had been taking over my muzzle. It’s almost sad that I wanted her to glow, for her to be lying again. At least then I wouldn’t have to keep having her tell me the same story with different words.

“So your promise to me was to stop me from killing myself? Are you fucking kidding me?” Celestia… You know what no, Sólestia. She gave me permission so I might as well try and not rot my brain any more than it already is.

“No, that wasn't my promise to you, that’s more of a side effect of it than anything. I promised to prove that your life was worth living because you were not the monster you believed yourself to be. I wanted to show you that you are not broken. What you did was not the actions of a monster, but the efforts of a neglected hatchling to get approval from your mother.” I growl and let myself glide closer to her until our wings are nearly touching. Why didn’t she glow? She should have glowed!

“Neglected? I don't really remember anything from that point, but I know I was not Neglected.” Sólestia frowns when I do not glow. I’m starting to think this spell is bull -

“Tiamat started training you as a warrior and assassin when you were only 8. Long before there was even any hint of Ragnarök or any instability in the Realms at all. You were 8 Fenrir, that is just wrong,” I growl again.

“So what! That doesn't mean she didn't care for me and neglected me! What about you Miss Perfect? How did your daddy treat you hmm?” Sólestia’s eyes widen in surprise before quickly narrowing as she bares her teeth and growls back at me.

“You are not turning this around on me! Do not compare how I was raised to you!” Her spines and scales start to bristle along her back and a small trail of smoke billows from her nostrils. I just huff my own cloud of frost.

“Then stop pull my tail and get to the fucking point! I don’t care what you THINK made me want to kill myself, I want you to tell me what I did that made me BELIEVE that I was a monster and deserved it!” Sólestias lips curve into a vicious snarl before she lets out a wordless howl of anger.

“Oh for the love of- You know what, I tried. I tried to do this the way that Chrysalis and Cadence wanted but you are just too stubborn! I give up Fenrir, you win.” Smoke practically pours out of her maw as the air around her starts to boil. Not wanting to risk anything I pull away and realign my flight a little farther back.

“What do you mean you tried? What do those two have to do with my past?” With a loud sigh the air around Sólestia cools quickly.

“Nothing. They have nothing to do with your past. They’ve been trying to teach me how to have these kinds of conversations with you without making your mental health worse. You however seem to be Tartarus bent to make this as difficult as possible. So I am done being nice.”

“You were being nice?” Sólestia snarls again.

“Shut up and listen to me for just one minute you stupid hatchling!” I at least have the decency to flinch as a glare is leveled my way. Thankfully nothing else is done and Sólestia starts talking again.

“You wanted to kill yourself because of the things you did durring Ragnarök. Things that Tiamat told you to do! You were absolutely mercilessly to all you came across, you slaughtered both innocents and soldiers without thought. You ate the corpses of those you felled without care and only took prisoners so that -”

“I ate what!?” Sólestia flinched back from my yell with a grimace quickly splitting her muzzle in two.

“Look It wasn’t just you, we all had little choice in what we got to eat at that time. During the Great Hunt there was nothing left to eat but those that were sent to kill us. There were no more fish in the rivers, no more cattle in the fields, even the crops were burned just to spite us. Solaris made it clear no price was too high to eradicate every Jötunn.” My stomach churns the longer I think about what she just said.

“Please tell me you’re lying.” Sólestia laughs. A dry and hollow sound completely devoid of any life rather than the mirth that such an action should bring.

“Am I glowing?” I frown when she turns to look at me. Her scales still the same deep almost black purple with not even a hint of her mana's glow.

“So I really…” Sólestia nods softly, a pained expression etched deep into her features. I think I'm going to be sick.

“You went out of your way to capture entire hunting parties only to skin them alive in front of the towns and villages they came from. Then you'd sit there and eat then so that everyone could hear their screams. Once you were done with them you'd butcher the town or village until only the mother's and their young remained.” My scales bristle and shiver in disgust. If I think hard enough I swear I can see it. Foggy distorted images of bloody flesh dangling from my claws as I laugh. This is wrong. Just an overactive imagination. If it really were a memory it wouldn't be like this. You can't feel or smell memories, I know you definitely can't taste them… Taste the blood…

“I ah… I at least spared them right?” Of course I spared them, why did I even bother asking. I'd never -

“No, you most certainly did not. Tiamat wanted you to spread as much fear and chaos as possible and there was nothing that would stop you from trying to appease your mother.” I shake my head. That can’t be right.

“But she wouldn't tell me to -”

“Fenrir I know you said you weren't neglected but Tiamat was not a sane Jötunn. Between the deaths of your little brothers, the war, and the hunt that followed something inside of her snapped. You may have some inkling that she was a good mother when you were young but she wasn't. No good mother would make her hatchling do the things she made you do.” I hiss softly. That can’t be right. Can it?

“So I just killed everyone? If this was during that hunt, how did she even tell me what to do? How did she make me do things without her being there?” Sólestia frowns and mumbles something too quiet for me to hear.

“In the last few months of the war, right around when I and Jörmungandr got together, Tiamat called a meeting between all of her top leaders. In that meeting she laid out the groundwork for a terror campaign if we lost the war along with a clawful of other contingency plans. In that meeting she gave you and your siblings each an enchanted journal so she could keep in touch.” Another hiss escapes past my lips as I spit at Sólestia. This is going nowhere. She is just talking in circles!

“I don't believe you. That Fae spell you cast is fake. Neither of us have been glowing!” Sólestia just groans.

“We only glow if we lie Fenrir, neither of us are lying. Here let's make this very simple for you. Focus on my mana and see for yourself that when I do glow I'm not channeling anything to make it happen.” I snarl but after a few moments relent with an irritated huff.

“Fine! Tell me a lie!” Sólestia shakes her head.

“I'm very happy to be having such an easy conversation with you.” While her scales start to emit a dull glow I focus in on my mana to try and single out her own. Unfortunately I can't find it right away.

“Again.” My voice takes on a deeper tone as I can't stop the growl from leaving my throat as I speak.

“I'm not at all losing my patience.” Again she glows, but I still cannot feel or see her mana flaring.

“Lie and then a truth… Please.” This time Sólestia looks at me when she speaks.

“It brings me joy to see you like this.” … “I hate that I am the reason you've been hurt so much these last two years.” Same as before her scales shine with a golden glow, but no mana flares up to cause this effect. The same happens when she tells her truth and the glow fades away. Never once did her mana fluctuate with the glow that surrounded her.

“Fuck you Sólestia. I hate this spell.” I turn away in a puff of frost as I snort.

“If you weren't sleeping with my son I'd absolutely fuck you Fenrir. As for the spell, I find it can be fun when not used for such heavy subjects.” I whip my head back around with wide eyes. Sólestia giggles, but after I feel the horrible blush taking over my muzzle that stupid bitch nearly falls from the sky laughing. Worst of all is that she isn't glowing. Why Isn't she glowing? Why does she want to sleep with me? Why do I really like that!? Change the subject! I need to change the subject!

“Sh-shut up! Don't change the subject. Go back to the stuff about Ragnarök.” It takes a moment but once Sólestia eventually settles enough to fix her wings and remain in the air she focuses back on me.

“Are you sure you really want to hear more Fenrir? Yes I said that to try and shake you up a little bit but I'm also trying to avoid you having another mental breakdown.” No longer able to feel the heat of a blush on my cheeks, I nod my head with confidence.

“What did Tiamat tell me Sólestia? What did I do?” Sólestia watches me intently, her eyes looking over every inch of me as a frown once again takes over her features.

“Alright, just remember that I tried to warn you.” I nod my head.

“I know.” Sólestia's frown Deepens more, but she does nod her head back.

“Alright, I'll start by going back to what I was saying earlier about you taking prisoners. Tiamat was adamant that you only roundup survivors so you could give them a glimmer of hope. Then she'd have you force them to watch as you slaughtered their young or even made them kill their own.” Why would I do that? What could I possibly achieve by doing that?

“What else?”

“Tiamat also told you to sometimes leave only a dozen or so mothers alive after forcing them to drape the corpse of their child around their neck. She wanted you to do that because they did that to her with your brother's corpse but… These were innocents. They had nothing to do with the war or the hunt.” Innocents…

“Alright. What else?” Sólestia looks to me even more worried than before.

“Fenrir I really think tha -” I cut her off with a growl.

“What. Else.”

“We would stalk groups of survivors that you let live from some of the villages. You'd injure them just enough so they were easy to track and then harrase and torture them until they led us to the next village. Finally you'd kill them just before they reached the safety of this new village and repeat the process all over again.” I tilt my head into confusion. What does she mean by we?

“We?”

“Jörmungandr, Hel, and I were with you the whole time. Jörm refused to abandon you even though both you and Tiamat told him to. I obviously wouldn't leave Jörm and Hel was too injured to go off on her own.”

“Oh.” Sólestia growls and snorts a puff of fire and smoke.

“Worst is that Tiamat kept writing to you in that damned journal. We only ever killed and ate enough to get by until we finally found a realm mostly untouched by the hunt. You on the other claw kept up with your mother's orders and continued To eat everyone we killed. Like some sort of sick challenge you kept eating and then laying out the remains like some art piece.” I really was a monster wasn't I. Ancestors I feel sick… I wouldn't deserve a second chance at life if even half of this was true, but all of it?

“Alright, you made your point. I was a monster, I get it. Let's stop talking about what I ate.” Sólestia snarls loudly.

“No Fenrir you don't get it! You're not the monster, your mother is! Tiamat forced you to do these things! She forced you to keep doing all of these horrible acts and punished you when you tried to stop! Tartarus Fenrir, you were scared to stop eating corpses because of her.”

“I… I'm…” I throw up. Bile catches in my throat as I try to stop myself. Instead all I end up doing is coughing and choking as I flap my wings in a panic.

“Oh shit… Ok come here, lean on me before you fall out of the sky.” I don’t hesitate and let my eyes close as my stomach makes me squirm. Before long only the sound of the wind and our wing bears are all that keep me company. It's strange how easy it is to get lost in a trance when flying. Even if she wasn't here to keep my wings in line I know that I'd still be able to fly for hours. All the while completely ignorant to the world around me.

“Skipping over that particular aspect of your self hatred, are you feeling any better?” It takes all I have left to open my eyes again and weakly glare at her.

“No…”

“Yeah that was a dumb question. Let's just call it here for now. We can do more of this later.” I grit my teeth and shake my head. I can't stop now. I need to know. I need to know why.

“No. I need to know… Please.” Sólestia is quiet at first but is quick to lightly shake me off of her shoulder. Looking me over she nods and holds up a talon.

“Alright, fine. Let's just speed through the rest of the list and get this over with. The quicker the better so I’m not stopping to answer any questions.”

“List? What do you mean list?” Sólestia ignores me as she takes a deep breath.

“In no particular order you killed the prior mantle holder for the element of ice. He was your Uncle -”

“Wha -”

“Butchered your entire extended family until you were the last Jötunn with an elemental affinity for ice left. You did spare the eggs though so that's a plus -”

“I -”

“You went to each of the 9 Realms of Mantle and Mortal to destroy them. Using your new mantle to freeze them with an endless winter. You did accidentally kill some of the World Tree's branches doing so -”

“Hang on -”

“Helped Tiamat light the World Tree on fire after you drained the Primordial Realm of all ice to make yourself stronger -”

“Light what -”

“You started to decorate your armor with skulls and fresh chunks of meat. You actually kept your Uncles skull and turned it into a pauldron -”

“...”

“At one point you -”

*Hurk*

“Aaaand we're back to puking.”

Author's Note

Hello again all, long time no see!

So lets just get straight into it. Things have been quite busy for me in my corner of the world. Between family and work I've struggled to find time to sit down and actually write things out. Which is more than a little irritating considering this chapter was almost done back when I posted the last half chapter.

I will go on to say that I am actually very dissatisfied with this chapter. Yes I got to say and put down the important information that I wanted to, but overall I feel like the delivery was weak. I can't even count the number of times I tried to reword things or change something small until it was just right. So in that regard I apologize again.

Finally I want to say that until things start to change I do not think I can keep to a solid publishing schedule. Again I apologize for the long wait only for an 'ok' chapter. I hope you all can forgive me and stick around for me. Until then thank you for reading and have an amazing day!