The Hobo: The 'Laughing' Chef

by Visharo

Rating: teen
Tags: Sunset Shimmer, Drama, Pinkie Pie (EqG), Equestria Girls, Mystery, Suicide / Self Harm, Profanity, Random
Length: 1470

Pinkie, the greatest drug dealer in Equestria, sells some of her goods to an old friend...well, well, well.

Everybody knows Pinkamena in Las Pegasus, from beatcops to crime lords, as the greatest drug dealer in Equestria. Pinkie, has lost her laugh, but who needs laughs when you've got drugs! When a new person shows up and asks for the 'good stuff,' Pinkie just smiles...well, well, well, what do we have here?

A tale of drugs and schemes.

Published 2022-07-01 22:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-07-01 22:40:00 UTC

The High and Mighty

Chef Pinkamena stood in her usual corner with a cigarette in hand, hair completely flat. She never smokes, but is always found with one of those infernal inventions in her left hand. Always the left hand. The one guy who asked why, got sent to the hospital for several weeks. After that, her reputation skyrocketed.

Today was going to be a busy day. Pinkamena just knew it. She waited for a few seconds to wait for her regular, and lo and behold, he arrived. Pinkamena names each and every customer, whether they want it or not. And again, those who argue, end up in the hospital. Her regular was nicknamed Banjo, for reasons unknown.

Banjo shuffled in, wearing a large trench coat and a fedora. He discreetly looked around before finally making his way to where Pinkamena stood. No words were exchanged, but the goods were. The chef gave him a packet of home-brewed drugs while he handed over cash. When the transaction was done, he sauntered off to, no doubt, get high.

This was usually the time when Pinkamena would find some other customer or go home. Today, however, she stayed. The chef held up her cigarette and flicked it. It flew straight and true, right into the cup of a hobo, sitting a ways off. Said person lifted her face and stared right at Pinkamena, and she stared right back.

"Sunset Shimmer."

"Pinkie." Sunset picked herself up, not bothering with the dirt that covered her clothes, and faced the chef. Pinkamena grimaced when she heard the name, but did nothing about it.

"What brings you here?"

"..."

"SunShim, our friendship days are over. You saw to that." Pinkemena blew a strand of hair that fell in front of her eyes.

"I-I don't know what you mean." Sunset stuttered, looking quite out of place.

"Don't bother. I hold nothing against you."

"Y-You don't?" Sunset, caught off guard, accidentally admits what the chef was accusing her of. Pinkamena smirked.

"My my, Sunset. You've lost your touch. Luxury can do that to you. I wonder, is that why you've come to the streets?"

"Oh, stop with your word games Pinkie!" Pinkamena growled at the name, but that didn't deter Sunset. "I've come to make peace, get our friendship back together!"

"Feeling guilty, are we?" Pinkamena started to walk away. Sunset quickly followed, almost stumbling. "Yes, I suppose you would be. After all, you literally tore our magic away from us. You turned us inside out, made us go back on our nature. How's that working out for you?"

Sunset grimaced, obviously cringing from that horrible memory. "You shouldn't have remembered that. I erased your memories, there is no way you could've remembered that!"

"Why does it matter if I remember it or not? I know of it, and I'm just wondering how you, can solve your problem." Pinkamena turned a corner, into a workshop of sorts. Around the duo, lay tons of chemicals and powders on desks and counters. "Welcome to my kitchen. Like it?" She swept her arms around, as if it were a bunch of trophies she won.

"What happened Pinkie? What happened after...everything?" Sunset pointedly ignored all the drugs around her.

"After you destroyed our true selves, you mean? Well, I became quite insane." She chuckled darkly. "Still am. Almost got sent to an insane asylum. Bet you didn't see that one coming."

"...no." Sunset whispered meekly. Her eyes looking ever so haunted.

"After that, well, I suppose I went back to what I was good at. Cooking. After you took my laughter, there was no point in having parties, now was there?" Pinkamena kicked back on a chair, gesturing for Sunset to do the same. "Cooking baked goods and cakes no longer had the right feeling to it anymore, so I went to the next best thing. Drugs!"

"Yes, drugs. You became the Drug Queen in Las Pegasus. Known as the best drug dealer in all of Equestria." Sunset cautiously took a seat opposite the chef.

"Did your research, I see!"

"Come on Pinkie! Return to the good side, be with our friends. You and me, we could save our friends from whatever fate they are in!" Sunset smiled, although forced, she hoped it would appeal to her friend she knows lies underneath.

"And why should I take up on that offer? I'm wealthy and leading a great business!"

"But you have no friends!" Sunset argued back, finally getting in the groove. Pinkamena smiled underneath, just a liiitle more.

"Bah, who needs friends when you've got drugs!" The chef grinned maniacally, a strange light in her blue eyes. "'sides, i've got my customers. Banjo just came by, gave me some sweet dough!"

"You do need friends! You waited by the corner, I saw it! You waited for me! You even flicked your cigarette at me to get my attention. You want this Pinkie, no matter what you're saying!" Sunset was huffing and puffing, obviously not used to shouting for so long. All part of the plan, Pinkamena thought, as she kept her facade.

"Eh, go screw yourself. You ain't getting anything from me." The chef paused; her bright eyes turned cold. Oh, so cold. "If you go call the cops..."

Sunset could do nothing but nod, swallowing furiously. The pink women continued her glare, then waved her arm, signalling for Sunset to leave. And leave, she did. It was almost funny how fast she moved.

[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]

Pinkamena made sure everyone was watching. Bask in her glory before her demise. The wind roared furiously around her as she fearlessly stepped out. Farther and farther away from safety. Several people were by the window she opened, trying to get her back inside. Pinkamena didn't want that.

She waved and smiled and continued shuffling. She bided her time, waiting for the crowd beneath to grow. Her death needs to be in the headlines! Once she was satisfied, she hung a single foot off the edge. A 30 storey drop. Right down to the pavement, where possible hundreds of people were watching. No, scratch that, there is a Channel Clop News helicopter flying about. Behind her, there were jumper experts, trying to convince her to talk instead of jumping.

Pinkamena has done enough talking. Eyes pointed upwards, staring at the glorious sun. Then took a step and fell.

[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][]

Pinkie walked up to a cafe. Well, more of skipping actually. She giggled, as she peered through the window to see a familiar horribly dressed girl inside. A large grin broke upon her face, this time of sly intentions, and opened the door. She pressed her finger to her lips when the desk employee tried to greet her.

Reaching into her poofy hair, Pinkie pulled out her pet alligator; Gummy. Step by step, she made her way to her unsuspecting victim. Said victim looked very sad as she read a newspaper. So sad, in fact, that she was drinking coffee! Who drinks coffee when they're happy? Exactly! Wait, where was I?

Right. Pinkie creeped ever so closer, when she was barely a few inches away. She slowly lifted Gummy into the air, right above where Sunset was reading the newspaper. Before the orange girl could check out why a shadow was covering her paper, Pinkie dropped the alligator. Sunset shrieked, attracting attention from employees and customers alike.

Pinkie couldn't help but laugh. Not a cruel, mirthless laugh, but a hearty laughter, filled with life. Sunset, recovered from her near heart attack, looked back at her assailant with awe.

"What's wrong Shimmy? Did I go too far?" Pinkie pouted, knowing exactly what was going to happen.

"PINKIE!" Sunset just all out tackled the chef. The two fell to the floor in a heap of giggles. It took a few moments and a few stern words from an employee, that the duo finally calmed down. "You're alive! And yourself!"

"I was never gone Shimmy, just waiting for the right moment!" And Pinkie laughed. Sunset smiled, confused, but happy for her friend.

And that laugh? That laugh was full of love.

Author's Note

Hey hey heeeeeey. Another one done! I surprised myself how fast I got this one done. I promise you this, though. The Finale to this wacky series will take a whole lot longer. It's going to explain everything, and everything is a lot. Some famous philosopher probably said that...George Washington. I assure you, Your Honor, I have said no lies.

In all seriousness, I would recommend to reread the entire series, so you understand what the finale will explain. That sentence, may or may not have made any sense. I am sleep deprived. These notes have been lengthy this time, haven't they? I shall stop now.

Kudos to Blu, for just being a good friend.