Behold, The worst aim in Equestria!

by Gigachief

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Original Character, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Random
Length: 1005

Stultus a unicorn mare Is tasked to assassinate somepony.. everything goes wrong

This is a story all about how Stultus a Unicorn in Ponyville goes to Canterlot on an important mission from one of her customers,

Nothing goes right for her

Published 2022-07-06 00:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-07-06 00:50:00 UTC

Princess Celestia

Stupid thing I thought of

It was a dark and stormy winter night When Stultus, a Xiketic Colored Unicorn mare was just about to close her shady Store in the back alleyway of Ponyville Lightning could be heard just outside and a snow storm was happening at the same time

As she was about to store all the items on display A distant dinging could be heard behind her as an Ice blue presumably Pegasus mare entered through the Tall doors.

“Stultus” The Mare said

“State your name!” Stultus said yelling

“I am Alius Stimulo” She said calmly

Stultus Signed For Alius to talk more

“I hear you're a very good assassin, yes?” Alius said in a whisper

Stultus’s ears perked up at those words

“Follow me” Stultus said In an even quieter whisper

Stultus Lifted a mat right next to her desk revealing a hatch she used her Baby blue magic to

open it revealing bunker walls filled with weapons, In the middle of the roof was a single light illuminating only really the table but it was enough to see the rest of the weapons

below it were 2 chairs and a table, Stultus walked down the stairs to the table and sat whilst motioning for Alius to do the same

“So who do you need to be... Laid to rest?” Stultus asked

“You mean to be kil-” Alius said before being cut-off

“Shh, this is a kid fanfiction!” Stultus said

“But the rating is teen..?” Alius said confused

“Still!” Stultus said

“Anyway, The pony I need you to put to rest is..” Alius paused

“Princess Celestia.”

Lightning flashed in the background

“How much?” Stultus said Looking Alius in the eyes

“30 thousand bits” Alius said with a straight face

“Holy buck ACCEPTED!” Stultus said happily grabbing both of her Red at the tip Glock 17’s

A few hours later...

Stultus had a hood with a black mask and sunglasses covering her eyes after the long journey (aka figuring out a teleport spell) She had successfully got into the canterlot gardens now it was

time to sneak inside the castle itself of course that came with a ton of trouble as Princess Luna’s night guards were highly trained in combat,

making this an extremely- oh never mind she just knocked them both out with a spellbook…

After a few minutes, Stultus made sure both her Glocks were fully loaded and ready for use, Finally, she entered

“Only one mission and that's just finding her room..” she said in a whisper whilst looking from left to right- Hey wait it's right in front of you Stultus!

“Oh!” Stultus said in a happy tone

Stultus had run towards the door breaking it in an instant (wow great move hope the guards won't get you!)

Princess Celestia had no regalia and was staring at a window with her back turned to Stultus although due to the loud noise of her door breaking was instantly alarmed by Stultus's entrance

Princess Celestia gasped “Guar-”

She was cut off by Stultus pointing one of her Glocks at her head, whilst Stultus walked slowly towards her

“Hello Princess, it seems you are in a rather horrible position, yes?” Stultus said while smiling

Princess Celestia just looked at her in shock

“My my no last words?” Stultus said in a mocking tone

Princess Celestia had tears running down her eyes

“Well then.” Stultus sighed
Celestia had closed her eyes bracing for when she would lose her life

Stultus Pointed her other Glock at her head

“Soy payaso Princess” Stultus said laughing

Princess Celestia had closed her eyes bracing for when she would lose her life Thinking about
her precious little star Luna Her skilled student Twilight her amazing Niece Cadence and her Past student Sunset shimmer and how they’ve grown all the things they’ve done

But the shot never came only the sound,

Celestia opened her eyes acknowledging the fact she was still alive

“Did... Did you MISS?” Princess Celestia asked with a scared tone

It was true! She had missed by 1 half of an inch!

“Uh no yo you- just have plot armour!” Stultus said nervously

“What is that?” Princess Celestia said confused

“Okay, that was a lie, it's just that These muskets are hard to aim!” Stultus said

“You're using a Glock 17!” Princess Celestia yelled

Stultus's reaction to that was not well as she shot rapidly at Princess Celestia

…

The loud sound played through the air again

Celestia outstretched her wings while the gunfire was rapid, Stultus missed every shot
(while Celestia was standing still mind you!)

“Dang it!” Stultus yelled

Stultus stared at her Angry but embarrassed at the same time,

“Alright! you survived this time” Stultus said

“But I swear on Celestia I will put you to rest!

Stultus grabbed her Glocks with her magic and shot at Celestia again

She missed again this time just missing accidentally shooting the mirror right behind her instead making the bullet smash the glass into bits and pieces

Stultus looked at the broken glass and started breaking down in tears

“I can't be that bad at aiming!” she said with the tears rolling down her face

“There there..” Princess Celestia said calmly walking up to Stultus she pats her should with her hoof

Stultus immediately whipped around

“ABSOLUTELY NOT!” Stultus yelled out

“I WILL KI- Lay you to rest! And nothing is getting in the way of that goal!”

“I will Succeed with this mission, Let's try this again I won't miss I swear!” Stultus Yelled While Grabbing both of her Glocks and shooting aiming at Princess Celestia’s Head Missing as

Princess Celestia sighed and looked down “If that is what you insist on I cannot help you

“Luna!” Princess Celestia called out and then suddenly something So fast that if you blinked you would miss it came flying through the doorway

Princess Celestia Smiled

“Oh buck” Stultus said to herself while getting pummeled out the window by a Fast dark blue Alicorn