Scar Flank's Journal

Darkness surrounded me. Not evil, but a calm of sorts. It was like I was under water. I floated on the current of the void, at peace with everything. I could see my mane and tail sway to the flow of everything. Without warning my eyes strained to see. Light pierced the darkness and covered me in warmth. What was happening? Slowly my mind approached a realization and an image appeared in the light. A figure that I owed everything to; a certain pony that I failed. He stood tall and proud on his hind legs like he did back in the good old days, adorned in the jacket I now possess. I wanted to look away in shame; I didn’t deserve to call him my Bro. "You must get a lot of exercise with all the running you do." He sounded no different than he did back then.

The concept of gravity returned like a flash. Falling faster and faster, watching as my Bro became more and more distant as the realization smacked me in the face. I had fallen from my tiny bed and hit the wooden floor below. It was a dream…no not just a dream. It was a symptom of what would soon end my life. But I think now is as good a time as any to note in this journal. When the end does come, chances are the story of this chronicle won’t have a conclusive ending. It will just end without warning and no hooves to describe those final moments. I haven’t the time to go into what it is that ails me. I needed food and also needed to look for work. I think it was time to reenter pony society.

I slung my jacket on all cool like just like my Bro use to do back then. Toss it up in the air and one right hook into one sleeve, spin around and slide the other in. Tassel the bottom a bit and fling the hood up. That last part I added. Like I said before, I don’t like being looked at. If anypony saw me do all that I think I’d bury myself from the embarrassment. Back in Manehatton ponies would ignore somepony dressed like me. Surely the same could be said for even a small town. Hehehe… how wrong I was. Walking through the market I could FEEL them looking at me. I just need to get some food. I just need to get some food. Just get in and get out. No big deal.

I trotted up to a quaint little apple stand. I think this time around I should at least pay for the apples I consume. I tilted my head up for just a second to read the sign. The vendor wore a hat straight out of a western. Maybe she’d have an accent too. "Well howdy stranger, everthangs on sale. We got apple fritters, apple pies, crab apples, apple cider, caramel apples, and if you want, we are selling bushels of apples?" I had to restrain myself fully from laughing. I think wrestling a bear would have been more physically possible than that. "That’s a might fancy coat ya got there. Never seen ya around before. Ya new in town?" I kept my head down, doing everything in my power to hold the laughter in. With a few hacks and forced coughs I cleared my throat. "Uh…Yes…. Eh… How much for a bushel of apples?"

I kept looking away to hide my face. The salesmare bobbed and awkwardly positioned her head here and there to get a better look at me. She certainly wouldn’t take the hint. "Hey now, why do ya keep hiding yer face under the hood like that? It’s a nice sunny day and all. Ah don’t bite non."
"I guess you could say I’m a shy pony."
"Oh shucks sugar cube yer just like a friend of mine. She’s certainly a shy one too."
"The apples, Miss?"
"Alright alright no need to get testy. That‘ll be 20 bits please."

My hoof reached into my coat pocket. It didn’t take long to notice the lack of weight and the minor jingle of what coin there was couldn’t possibly cover the total I’d need. Her eyes looked down at where my hoof was then back up to me. The expression advertised it all. She knew I didn’t have enough bits. My shoulders sunk, my stomach stung me as punishment. Just as my hoof hit the ground and motioned to turn and leave she interjected "Tell ya what. You take your hood off and lemmie see yer face and ah’l sell ya the bushel for what ya got."

It was unthinkable! Impossible! Take my hood off? Show my face? Dressed as I was, I know now I was asking for something like this to happen. Back in the city ponies for the most part dressed in some kind of clothing even if it was something as little as a hat to a full blown business suit. If ponies saw me, what would they think? Why did there have to be soo many of them in the market? "How about we just forget about it and pretend I wasn’t here?" Surely she would let it go this time. I wanted to leave so badly. I just wanted to start flapping my wings as hard as I could and speed back to the safety and privacy of my tiny shed. Gradually my wings extended, preparing for a quick escape. Little did I know she had an ace under that hat. "Ok then…. Free!!!"

Never in the history of Equestria could wings have folded back so fast. Hearing that simple word perked my ears right up. “Free”…. Such a beautiful word, especially when food is involved. Still it wouldn’t be easy to get over the jitters that rattled my hooves to the bone. I didn’t even think it would be possible to remove my hood without passing out. Quivering and heavy my hoof raised up to push back the black cover off my head. Tunnel vision left my sight, the ground then wasn’t the only thing I could see. Rustic country buildings, flowers on almost every window sill, clear blue skies and colorful ponies left and right. As quickly as the nerves left me, they came rushing back like a flooding torrent. It was instantaneous movement that slung the hood back to its former upward position. I can only imagine how red my face was. The comedy was over and I wanted my prize. "See? That weren’t so bad nah was it? I figured ya were deformed or somthin but ya look like a regular pony tah me. Well… cept for that nasty scowl of yers in all honesty." She spoke so formally like I was a regular in town. My hooves began to tremble.

Would this humiliation ever end? I preferred stealing my meals anyway. The country pony dumped a little more than a bushel’s worth of apples into a burlap sack with a symbol of an apple on the side. I sat there questioning if it was really worth it. I made a quick jab at my stomach when she wasn’t looking for forcing me into the situation. She made her way around the stall, bag in mouth and set them aside to extend her hoof in a friendly hoofshake. Normally I’d just take the sack and wing it out of there; the on looking ponies might not take kindly to such a spectacle. Nothing wrong with shaking hooves I suppose. That right there was a BIG mistake. Up and down, up and down, faster than the eye could see, this mare sent wave after wave of motion through my hold body with each shake. With the kind of strength this freckled pony had she could easily take my whole arm clean off. "Welcome to Ponyville, mister. Name’s Applejack."

I pried my hoof from hers and picked up the sack. Motioning to turn around and make my exit she took notice of the burn scar on my flank, letting out a slight gasp of surprise. With wings outstretched I took high to the skies so that nopony could tell which way I was going. Was it rude of me to leave without reciprocating the greeting? Maybe, but at least it will send a message not to get too friendly with a pony like me. It’d be a waste of their time.

After a certain height it was just better to let myself free fall down to my hut. I love free falling. The wind blowing past my face and all around me, calmness of everything and being at peace just is too soothing. If it could last forever I’d prefer to fall asleep that way. Now all I had to do was veg out on my tree and watch the world go by. Funny thing about my plans, they almost never seem to go the way I want. "Aren’t you forgetting one teeny tiny little thing you planned to do." I cringed at the sound of his voice, the voice of a dead pony, the voice of my Bro. Gulping an apple in protest and reaching for another. He just stood there staring up at me with that stupid smirking stare he does. Peer pressure was his best weapon to get me to do anything…even now. Irritation filled my words. "Wait! Hold up! You hear that silence? Shhh listen. That is the sound of me not caring. It’s actually one of my favorite songs too. Let’s listen together."
"You know you went out to town to LOOK for work right? I don’t think slacking off on that tree counts as work."
"So? I got what I needed and for free no less. I can look for work later."
"This isn’t the kind of life I wanted for you. You had so much more potential than this even back then."
"What in Equestria would you know? You are just a stupid figment of my imagination to cope with the loneliness I force upon myself. "
"Well at least YOU admitted it this time. But then again me being you is the same thing. Now get that lazy plot up and go do something productive."
"Meh meh meh meh MEEEEAAH!!!! That’s how you sound you know…or me I guess. Crap now I confused myself. Look! Just go away. You’re my imagination! Can’t I just like wish you away or something?"
"Has it worked before?"
"No……"
"Good now get moving."
"Fine! Pain in my plot."
"I wish you spoke this much to me when I was still alive."

That last bit pushed me over the edge of being ticked off. I took the apple in my hoof and chucked it as hard as I could at the empty space, hitting nothing but air and ground. For only a second or two I paused in a melancholic reflection. I hate being lonely, but it’s what has to happen. I’ll just have to hope I don’t run into Apple … something or other again. Remembering names was never a strong suit of mine. At least if I forget mine I just have to look back at my charred out flank to remember.

Trotting back into the town square was a little bit easier this time. Sure my sudden exit from the market seemed to draw some attention but I’d rather deal with unwanted attention than that nagging voice in my head. Eyeing down the list on the posting board at town hall I could but imagine how it would look if I worked each job. A baker at Sugar Cube Corner sounded like a sweet gig. Free food to take home sounded awesome… but … I think my scowling face would scare most of the customers away. A farm hoof at Apple Acres seemed to pay well for hard work. Too bad I don’t like any sort of heavy lifting. Plus I stole apples from them… the first time aaaaaand kind of insulted something Jack. A helping hand at the libra…NOPE! Boring!

Then I spotted it, a decent job that paid marginally well and could be done in less than an hour, depending on my speed. A mail pony sounded perfect for me. Back in Manehatton Bro and the rest of us would constantly high tail it away from cops and others who’d give chase. The city was a playground and we knew all the best spots. A small town like this, it’d be easy to learn its ups and downs. Tryouts were being held not too far from the town center. Who knows, maybe getting a job would help me feel more at ease with letting other ponies back into my life again. Being wrong is a broken record for me I think.

There must have been 12 or 13 pegasi lined up for examination. They were certainly a colorful bunch. I’d say there were mostly mares. Seems like the stallions in this town are grossly out numbered. Not sure if that is a good thing or not. I stood at the very end of the line. At least I did until a gray klutz with goofy eyes bumped into me sending me right into the pony next to me, thus sending her into the pony next to her and so on and so forth. "Oops my bad." She spoke with an askew smile.

The lot of us picked ourselves up grunting, groaning and making small remarks under our breaths. I knew I was going to make an inaudible comment here and there but never expected the ponies of this friendly looking town to do the same. The silly smile on her face became a frown as her one good eye looked to the ground while the other attempted to catch up. It was easy to identify with this bubble flanked mare. Living at the orphanage, I too dealt with some isolationism. However, I did it by choice by refusing to speak. She didn’t have the same luxury. The instructor walked up and down the line, discerning which pony had potential. This wasn’t a normal pony but rather a white… muscle with tiny wings. Never seen a more ripped out pegasus before. He came to a halt at the end, staring down both me and the klutz. Back and forth his head panned before settling on me. "That is an interesting cutie mark you have there. What, pray tell, is your special talent?"

I loathed when ponies asked me that question. It took much patience and self control to keep me from clocking this idiot in the face. My teeth were grinding, muscles tense, begging, no SCREAMING to go off on this fool’s face. I forced a smile while tilting my head back signifying some semblance of humor at the ill choice of his words. "Oh it’s actually a burn scar from my foalhood. It’s impossible for me to have a cutie mark because of it, sir."

Whispers passed between pegasi down the line. The snort of his breath said it all. Obviously I seemed like a troublemaker looking the way I do. Suddenly a flash of light and appeared before us all was that purple know-it-all from before. What was she doing here? One by one another pegasus passed out different numbered duffle bags as the instructor paced the line and spoke aloud. "This will be your test. You are to pass all these flyers out to your section of Ponyville. A map of your section is in the bag. We do not care how you get the job done, just as long you pass them out to each mailbox without fail. You will be graded solely on how quickly you get the job done. Do NOT attempt to just dump the flyers somewhere and fly back here. The flyers are special. Ms. Sparkle has agreed to help us determine which of you is cheating and which is doing their job properly. She has cast a spell on each of the flyers to randomly print an address when you pull it out. If you do attempt to cheat, she WILL know. Since I don’t see any rainbow manes on any of your heads, chances are you will take longer than 10 seconds to complete the task. You will all meet back here for evaluations. Is that clear!"

I don’t remember signing up for the royal guard. This guy was certainly wearing on my nerves with this whole drill sergeant act. Bending low to the ground waiting with eagerness to leap up into the air at his signal, thunderous claps and flashes filled the air. The sunny day vanished to the glow of the unicorn’s horn. Of course they’d make us do all this in a storm. Suddenly, ignoring that nagging voice from my imaginary Bro seemed a whole lot easier than before. He arched his head back before jolting it forward. "GO!!!"

All of us sprang forth into the wind, splitting off into our separate locations. We all scattered like flies from trash into the torrential rain. My plan was to make my way above the clouds to where it would be calm, only a few others did the same. I guess I am not the only clever pony. The sun shone above it all, calm and bright, pulling the map from my sack and carefully reading it was so much easier up here. Too bad most of the others didn’t think that way… well not too bad for me of course. It was clear where I needed to go. There was not time to dawdle. Slicing through the clouds, hoof in sack I pulled flyer after flyer out. Left and right I slid the drenched piece of paper into the mail slots, gliding close to the ground and over rooftops. We were the fish of the open sky and the town was our sea bed. Once and awhile I could see glimpses of other pegasi having trouble with the task as well as others doing it better than me. This test needed to be taken seriously and letting a half decent job like this go to any other pony was not an option. Moving faster and faster, my legs and wings working together, using roofs and other solid objects I kicked off to gain better sprinting speeds. Bouncing here and there, back and forth, the random addresses didn’t make it easy. The bag grew lighter and lighter until I was reaching to the bottom for the last one, this was it, all or nothing. After slamming the soggy sheet into the final box, I flapped my wings harder than ever, racing back to the starting spot. I could see it in the distance, one pony was already there, soon another touched down next to her. Forget safe landings, I can deal with the aches of a crash this time. With a loud splash of water and mud it was over. 3rd place was good enough. Picking myself up and shaking off the excess mud I stood proud of myself, rain drops and wet grass sliding down my arms.

Some took close to hours to get back while we just sat there in the pouring rain, waiting for them to return. Ok seriously did I accidently sign up for the royal guard? The least they could do was part the clouds above us. My lungs in my chest were still struggling to catch up with me. I looked to my left at the first pony who seemed to have been waiting here for a while only to be greeted by shock and amazement. The gray klutz beat me? How? There was no way this bubble brained blondie could move that fast! Soon I could see even in the pouring rain that it wasn’t only raindrops falling down her cheeks. She turned her head away in shame as her shoulders twitched with each whimper. Some of the flyers were still stuck to her fur. It was obvious, she had dropped all the flyers and they scattered in the storm. My scolding didn't help either. "You idiot! You dropped all your flyers?!" She nodded, whipping her tears and snot ridden nose. The last of the pegasi finally arrived and fell back in line. One by one the instructor made his way down the row side by side with the purple unicorn. She’d nod if they did their job the right way or shake her head if they screwed up. The moron next to me’s crying got worse. With guilt and anger pulsing through my gut, my thoughts shouted within me "Shut up you bubble brain… it’s your own darn fault you screwed up. Stop it! STOP IT NOW!!! Ugh! How old are you? He is getting closer, if you feel that bad then just GO HOME! I’m not going to feel bad for you so stop crying!" I wanted to say all those things, no... I wanted to howl all those things at her. But.... she just looked so ..... pathetic.

It was no use. The instructor was only a few ponies away and her sobs wrenched my gut something fierce. I would regret this for sure. All I could do was let out a sigh as I nudged her saying "Hey, don’t argue and just gimmie your bag." She stared at me for a moment with her head tilted in confusion before I threw mine at her hooves and forcedly removed hers. "This is the only time I am going to help you, after this you are on your own." A smile sprang across her face after I spoke those words. I remember someponyelse saying the same thing to me.

I couldn’t believe I was suckered in by a wall eyed ditz. As an added measure I quickly removed the wet flyers still stuck to her. She owed me BIG time for this. Hopefully the numbers meant something and that they’d think I was the big screw up. From under the hood I glared at her with eyes that meant for her to keep her mouth shut. Her soaking hooves whipped her tears away once more and stared straight forward… or at least tried to. Finally the moment arrived as the instructor planted his two front hooves in the mud directly in front of me. "So Mr. Scar Flank, Ms. Sparkle senses from that bag that you lost all the flyers and failed to complete your task."

Hearing him say my name with such sarcasm made my blood boil right up to my eyes. I could almost feel them turn red. I wanted to make all four of his hooves to point straight up, but not before introducing his face to Lefty. The purple unicorn eyed the gray mare and then back to me. If she knew what was good for her she’d remained silent. All I had to do was just take the snide remarks and be dismissed. Just let the air head have the job. The meat head's snarky comments continued on. "So what happened short stuff? Did standing next to Ms. Ditzy here turn you into a klutz too?"

That was it. At that point it didn’t matter how many ponies were looking at me, judging me to be just another thug. Satisfaction was going to be mine at the expense of this muscle bound, tiny winged tough guy’s consciousness. A grin stretched across my face as I thought of how much fun I’d have collecting a few of his teeth as my trophies. "Eh… I got bored and I just felt like dumping them in the river. It was a lot more fun than I expected." Seeing his face turn sour at that, he just had to be dumb enough to cross the line. "Well I guess being a screw up IS your special talent."

I try not to be a violent pony. Mainly because when I use to get in fights years ago I’d end up bruised and scrapped up pretty good, sometimes with a limp. I always had to rely on my Bro to back me up. But I have come a long way since my colthood, a long way from being a punk kid following the first pony that meant anything to me. I imagine the motion was instantaneous from the outside but for me it was clear and fluid like water. My hooves moved on their own, lowering my body and getting in close before bending my left hoof upward, kicking off the ground and flapping my wings for a lift off. His chin collided with lefty, putting up little resistance before the rest of his body followed after, lifting of the ground and falling on his back, turning that white coat brown. In my head I could hear bells ring to his K.O. That was the second time in my life that I was able to perform that move, the second time I managed to do my Bro’s patent “Underground Uppercut”. It may have been the second time, but it was the first time in many years I felt alive again since his death. In mid air my hood flung off from the momentum. My grin became a full on evil smile, and the other ponies stared in shock at the violence, their mouths wide open. I really was in a small country town. This kind of thing was normal back in the city. Out here, it was foreign to them.

The thrill subsided as all four hooves landed softly in the muddy ground. I moved my hood back into place and leapt into the air flying as fast and as far as I could, not looking back to see anypony follow. It was luck that let me off the hook when I stole those apples, but this time I was sure to get a visit from somepony seeking to bring me to justice. Why was I always right when I absolutely didn’t want to be? I’m only finishing this now because I just got off of my intensive community service. You’d never think that cleaning this town in the dead of night could be soo tiring. Even now I am rereading the events of the day and wonder how it is I get into these messes. How much time, I wonder, will pass before that gray mare loses the job on her own? Now is not the time to think. Now is the time for me to sleep. The Imaginary Bro on the other hand had a different plan. "Well you certainly had an interesting day."
"Really? Really? You are gonna bug me now when I am so worn out? Probably gonna tell me how stupid it was of me to just hoof that job over to that sad sap of a pegasus."
"You must not know me well enough if you’d think that what you did counts as a bad thing. You were always a sucker for pretty faces, even as a little colt."
"Pfft she wasn’t that pretty. Nothing like…"
"Not gonna say her name are you? At least I know full well that HER name is one you can remember. Weren’t YOU the one who pushed her away? ………… Ok then just bury your head in that ratty coat."