Seriously, this happens all the time.
Author's Note
Starlight’s characterization is different between the two stories because she forgot to eat before the previous fic. She’s well fed now.
On with the show!
Seriously, this happens all the time.
Starlight sighed, then looked up from her book to witness yet again Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Equestria, and Rarity, owner of several boutiques across Equestria (and perhaps beyond, although she didn’t bother with confirming), furiously having sex on the Cutie Map Table. Or was it having furious sex?
Either way, it was sex, and it seemed rather furious.
“Spike.” Starlight said, doing her best to glance away from the expert tongue action and hoof diddling going on right in front of her, yet failing. As we all would. I mean, two hot mares were just going at it in front of her.
“Y-yes?” Spike said from outside of the room.
Starlight grunted. “Could you come in here so I can talk to you?”
“N-no,” Spike said after making a sound like a deranged moose had met an enterprising haberdasher. “There’s sex going on in there.”
“And?” Starlight asked, more annoyed by Spike’s reticence than the most-likely sexual fluid that had splashed onto her person.
Or pony. Whatever gets you going at night.
“I’m not supposed to bother Twilight when she’s involved in special kiss-kiss-bang-bang Rarity time. Something about decency laws.”
Starlight let out an exasperated whistle. “Ah, right. The decency laws.” Starlight took a breath. “Could you please get Trixie for me?”
“Yeah, sure, I’ll bring her right over.” The pitter patter of baby dragon signaled to Starlight that Spike was heading somewhere—most likely in the general direction of Trixie, considering his general moral fiber and subservience quotient.
Starlight looked between the erotic roughhousing and her book, making notations in it while closely monitoring the absolutely torrid ravishing that was being performed right in front of her.
After a time, the clippity cloppity of hooves entered her aural range, along with a voice. “Spike said you wanted to—holy good gravy they’re going at it like animals!”
“Hi, Trixie.” Starlight flipped this way and that through her book.
Trixie stood agape at the pernicious fucking Rarity and Twilight were taking part in on top of the Cutie Map Table before she shook her head and composed herself. “Spell gone wrong?”
Starlight nodded. “I wanted to create a spell to aid in integrating a pet into a family, but let’s just say I’m glad I didn’t test it on that mastiff I was goading Twilight into adopting.”
Trixie looked between Starlight and the sexual locus. “I’ll say. Do you have a plan?”
Starlight pointed at Rarity, then Twilight. “I need you to get her to punch her.”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
Starlight looked at Trixie. “Don’t make me bring up the last time you tried to offer another solution to a spell gone wrong.”
“Not this again.” Trixie groaned. “The Understanding and Wiser Trixie explained that it was a silly mix-up to the Dark Underlord Shabbushah and he let it slide.”
“Yeah, after we fetched him the soul of an unborn Wishmaster.”
Trixie shrugged and grinned uneasily. “I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?”
“Enough.” Starlight grunted. “Start with the punching.”
“Fine.” Trixie eased herself up onto the table. “Hrm, this is harder than it—whoops, didn’t mean to—oh Celestia all over my face—hold still—there we go.” Trixie leapt off of the table, her face dripping.
Starlight sniffed Trixie. “You smell like vagina juice.”
Trixie rubbed her face, then wiped her hoof on Starlight. “Now you smell like vagina juice, too.”
“Can it.” Starlight put her book away and grimaced. “Take Rarity home. I’ll carry Twilight to her room,” Starlight said as she hoisted Twilight onto her back and walked off, ignoring Trixie’s vehement protests.
Eventually, they reached Twilight’s room, Starlight gently placing Twilight on the bed. She drew up the covers, then made to leave.
“Starlight, why do I feel like I just had hot sex with Rarity?”
Starlight grunted as she took her hoof off of the knob. “Alright, so, I tried to tune up an affectio with felix to create attractionem, but it looks like I accidentally cooked up a felix coitus instead.” Starlight looked at Twilight, who sat up in bed and listened intently. “I wanted to attract a mastiff because, as you are now aware, mastiffs are the best and I will fight anyone who disagrees. And, uh,” Starlight continued as she gesticulated with a hoof, “you may have stepped in the way by accident…?
Twilight narrowed her eyes, then righted herself in her bed and rubbed her forehead. “This is like a reverse hangover.” She exhaled. “I feel great but I’m really confused. And I’m pretty sure what happened was highly immoral, but,” she continued after a soft chuckle, “I get it, it happens.”
“The boundaries of science pushed can cause the soul to bend with it.” Starlight turned to face Twilight. “But as long as it doesn’t snap, everything is hunky-dory.”
Twilight lay back down and adjusted herself under her covers. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t say hunky-dory when referring to scienctific philosophy and sleep off what must have been an amazing fuck session.” She fussed her head into her pillow. “I just hope Rarity’s fine.”
Starlight affixed an exhausted grin. “She’s in good hooves.”
“Trixie’s?”
The fabric of reality paused for a sec until Starlight made to leave the room. “I’ll check to see if she hasn’t done anything stupid.”
“Back! Back!” Trixie proclaimed as she beat back the Primordial Evil Shabbushah with a wicker broom. “Your countenance shall not infest Rarity’s humble—”
“I live in a mock carousel, darling. I’d hardly call it humble.”
“—loud and stylish—”
“Loud doesn’t really have a positive connotation.”
“—vibrant and stylish abode!”
Rarity hrmmed and put a hoof to her chin. Her hoof. Attached to her arm. In the correct location. “Abode sounds a little… rustic. I’d call it a residence, honestly.”
Trixie clenched her teeth and exhaled. “Dark Underlord Shabbushah, the Great and Powerful Trrrixie banishes you from this vibrant and stylish residence—”
Technically, it is both workplace and residence—
Trixie swiped again with the broom, pushing Viscount of Despair Shabbushah out of Rarity’s front door before slamming it, the sound of chiming punctuating the ad-hoc banishment attempt.
I would hardly call it a banish—
Trixie’s eyes popped open. “Get out of my head!” she cried as she let out one final slam of Rarity’s broom and actually for real banished Shabbushah from Rarity’s home, her heavy breathing doing its part to wind down from the intensity of the situation. After a wee bit, she turned to Rarity. “Are, um, uh, you… okay?”
Rarity laughed as she pulled out a glowing ball of infinite possibility from her nightstand and patted it like a baby. “I’ve never been better. Tonight went off without a hitch!”
“Is that…” Trixie started before the sound of inevitable entropy splattered against the wall, causing Trixie to raise her broom again. “Where did you even get that! Those only mature in a realm that exists before action!”
“I won it off of them in a card game.” Rarity harumphed as she put the soul of an unborn Wishmaster back into her nightstand. “If I had known they’d be such a poor sport I never would have accepted their challenge.”
Your odor suggests that you’ve recently engaged in intercourse.
Rarity tch’ed. “Odor isn’t the way I’d describe it. I’d say I’ve been perfumed by eroticism—”
“If everycreature doesn’t shut up right now I’m turning this broom on myself!”
