Chocolate Syrup and Lemonade
This Story was written by a half man-half pie mutant, an aardvark, and a purple striped kangaroo between the time of 10:51 PM and 11:35 PM.
Our epic tale begins with David Hasselhoff riding Celestia while dressed as a cowboy, going through space crashing through an asteroid field. When they come to a stop, they meet Pacman and do some magic mushrooms, then they challenge Nyan cat to a race. Unfortunately, just as Princess Celestia was about to cross the finish line, they are interrupted by ninja sharks with lasers. In order to combat this threat, Celestia summons a human from another dimension, a mentally inept Pokémon Trainer! Then Ash sends out a Metapod and Metapod uses Water Gun on the ninja sharks, but IT'S NOT VERY EFFECTIVE!
But then suddenly, the Laser Ninja Sharks run off because they are attacked by a T-Rex with a flaming mohawk and a moustache made of justice who unzips his costume, revealing that he is a flock of pink and purple polka-dotted pelicans. Ash is then trampled to death by the Hulk driving a Ferrari. The Hulk then drives his Ferrari to the local KFC and demands a hamburger but when they refuse to serve him, he politely excuses himself.
Suddenly out of nowhere, Chucky and the doll from 'Saw' get into a knife fight about 'Who looks more adorable' which eventually degrades into the World's Most Disturbing Make Out Session™. At which point all the pelicans mistake the kissing dolls for giant burritos and eat them all, causing the pelicans to explode from pure logic and from out of the explosion comes the T-1000 and a Dalek Who begin a furious match of Twister. Seeing this, Celestia gives up and goes back home somehow.
The T-1000 is obviously easily beaten by the Dalek and commits suicide, for he has disgraced his religion. The Dalek proceeds to hump the Hulk but the Hulk says he's "not in the mood tonight", so the dalek goes back and rapes the corpse of the T-1000. Suddenly Steven Magnet walks in and asks if he can get in on it. The ghost of the T-1000 immediately responds, "You didn't even need to ask." To which Steven replies "Great! By the way, I baked you a pie!"
"Oh boy!" the Hulk says excitedly "What flavor!?". The Dalek answers the painfully obvious question "PINKIE PIE FLAVOR!" Steven Magnet replies "I like trains." Then they're all run over by Pinkie Pie driving a train. Who is then quickly surpassed by Tron Lightcycles Who use their light trails to draw a picture of Steven Hawking in a slapping fight with Bill Gates Which comes to life! The light drawings ascend to the sky and become a new constellation which is then named by the Greeks and is translated into "Nerds in a sissy fit." Then the Greeks take a day from February, add it to May, and call it "Nip Slip on the Band Trip: Part Two: Electric Boogaloo" day.
The Laser Ninja Sharks kill all the Greeks for not being giant talking pencils, but the Greeks are all pinatas so the sharks leave them alone. The ghost of the T-1000 eats the magic candy and comes back to life just in time for his planned obsolescence, so he buys a cheap apartment in Reno and spends the rest of his days watching re-runs of "Charles in Charge". Unfortunately, the T-1000 meets up with Norman Bates who decides to give the T-1000 a chibi Cthulhu plushie.
The chibithulhu comes to life and bites both of their heads off, screaming that he wishes he wasn't a Carebear before he flies into the night, singing the lyrics to Cake's 'Sick of You' in French. He arrives home just in time to remove his bean sprout souffle from the oven. When he finishes his souffle, he then looks at his stomach, there is a picture of the forty-second Element of Harmony. Seeing this, he yells, "I got my cutie mark! Now I can use the power of the Chaos Emeralds to go into dragoon form and save Tristram!!" Suddenly A Wild Distraction appears! "But first, I should check what's new on Fimfiction.net!" He then reads through this epic tale and his body goes supernova in an enormous burst of magic and wonder.
And that's how the platypus was born!
The end!
P.S. Don't forget to read the SECOND chapter!
Explanations and Due Blame
"Did I really write that?" A beige stallion asked himself with a disgusted look on his face "Well, there's no way I'll ever get this garbage published." He sighed loudly before crumpling the papers into a ball and throwing it in the wastebasket.
The Earth pony held his head in his hooves. "I feel like I should write something, but this is completely stupid, I just can't think of a good story. Maybe I can think of something if I go out for a walk." He put on his jacket and headed out of his little studio apartment, racking his brain for ideas. Unfortunately, in his preoccupied state he walked right into a wall. "Dang, this is the fifth time this week in as many days, why can't I ever focus?" The stallion berates himself for his stupidity, turning and heading in the intended direction. "One of these days I'm going to have to put a 'Warning: inattentive idiot' sign on my forehead." he mumbles as he carries on, thinking of what he should write next, knowing that the first thing that comes to mind is the last thing he should write down.
"Maybe I should give up, I'm never going to write a book that's at least decent, all I can imagine up is loads of tripe, I guess saying I have an overactive imagination is the understatement of the century, but isn't that supposed to be a good thing?" He held his head up and adjusted his glasses, eying the scenery with as much interest as he does his apartment, that is to say, hardly any at all. "It's so boring here, so I guess I'm just trying to write exciting things, but they make no sense! Maybe if I do publish it, everypony will think I'm insane and throw me in an asylum, at least I won't have to pay rent anymore, maybe being a nutcase isn't so bad." The Stallion rushed home and pulled the pieces of paper out of the trash bin and flattened them back out. He then took some cardboard and tape and made a book-cover for his story, which he wrote the title on as well as his name. "Chocolate Syrup and Lemonade by Copy.Data" he said, holding his monstrosity up to the light. "Now to take this thing to the publishing office."
The pony behind the desk looked at the poorly made book she now held in her hooves, and gave an odd look at the stallion that handed it to her, who was smiling like an idiot. "Sir, are you sure about this? It's outward appearance is a bit... lacking."
CD grinned at the mare "Of course, did you read it yet?" The green mare opened the book slowly, as though it might bite her. As she read the look on her face got more and more confused and disturbed, her eye involuntarily twitching by the time she finished. She gladly put the book down, massaging her head trying to grow back the brain cells she had lost. "Mr. Copy.Data, are you serious about this... *gag*story?" CD happily grinned "Absolutely ma'am, I am one-hundred percent serious, I want this published and sold, I think it's very special!" The mare replied calmly "It certainly is special, in fact I think there are some nice people who would like to read this and give me their opinion." This was going far better than Copy.Data had expected. "Thank you ma'am, should I go now?" The answer came quickly "No, I think I'd like you to come with me so you can hear what my 'friends' think yourself." CD's plan was almost complete, it couldn't go wrong now. "That's a great idea! I'll just follow you then."
The mare took the book and CD to a hospital, surprised that CD didn't find it odd. After showing the book to three doctors, they all looked at CD who was beaming at this point and one said "Son, if you are serious about this, I believe we know what to do. Are you serious?" The reply they got didn't seem to surprise them "You bet I am, so what are you going to do?"
That evening, CD was taken to a mental ward and put into a room where he could 'relax' while the staff thought about what might help him. Many things were brought up: therapy, medication, solitary confinement, and many other things.
CD stared at the blank walls and locked door around him. "Well, this is certainly interesting, it's definitely different from REAL life, I get three meals a day, I have no debts, no responsibilities, and I can sleep all I want! This is the best idea I've ever had!" The stallion was even laughing to himself quietly, he was so happy. Suddenly a light appeared around him, it had no temperature, it made no sound, and it was bright "What the-" Copy.Data was quickly cut off and he blacked out for a fraction of a second.
To be continued here: On Nightmare Station (Specifically, Chapter 4, appropriately titled: Enter Madman.)
