Author's Note
I focused more on the Show rather than the comics or the Journal of the two sisters, I didn't plan on this being very in-depth.
This focuses on showing how Luna must've felt prior to her becoming nightmare moon, how she felt unloved and uncared for, unwanted in the society and how this was a very dark influence on her. This is written on her POV, which allows for some interesting insights onto her line of thinking.
Of course, this is mostly a work of fiction and it's more focused on the emotions she felt rather than the actual events that happen in it, though the last part with Luna becoming nightmare moon is mostly a 1:1 recreation of Season 4, Episode 1 and 2 "Princess Twilight Sparkle" in her flashbacks to Nightmare moon
Jealousy
I sat on the balcony of our tower, staring longingly into the bright white moon, it shone down upon our land. I looked over, our kingdom... Beautiful Equestria. Full of Diverse Unicorns, Pegasi, and Earth ponies, each with their function. However, with all of this, I always had my mind on something.
My sister controlled the Sun, each morning she would raise it, and each evening she would lower it. During the day, ponies frolicked, bathing in the sunlight. They would enjoy the warmth, using every second they could to be productive, and therefore Celestia was the one who would get the attention of all the ponies.
They welcomed her with open wings (or Hooves), Celebrating her and thanking her for Raising the sun every day. She took care of meetings, she talked to ponies and officials, always being the center of attention, all eyes were almost always on her. Of course, how would they not be? Of course, with my sister Raising and lowering the moon, I was left as the one who took care of the Moon, also looking over the Dream realm.
But the Moon does not bring warmth, and during the Night you cannot be productive. The nights are cold and lonely, I was always the one overshadowed by my sister's glory, and I could not help but think, what if it was me? What if I were the one getting all the love?
It seems silly at first but Imagine if you were in my place. My sister was barely present for me back then, she would always be out taking on Royal matters, the little time we spent together was troubled, to say the least, and we would argue over the smallest things, I didn't hate my sister but we often didn't see eye to eye. I was excluded by other ponies and cast aside by my sister who would soak up all the attention for her.
I just wanted some care... Was that too much to ask for? All I wanted was the love of my sister, but back then I could barely even talk to her without our conversation turning into snarky and petty arguments, and whenever I needed her, she wasn't there for me. We grew distant over time, but I remember exactly the turning point.
"Luna?" Celestia came in from behind, surprising me.
"Celestia." I looked back at her begrudgingly, rolling my eyes, then quickly turning away.
She trotted over to my side, sitting down beside me. I leaned against the Golden railing of the tower with my front hooves, feeling the cold breeze of the wind against my mane and coat, turning my head away from her gaze, though I was still able to audibly hear her sigh.
"Thinking alone again?"
"As if I ever have company."
Celestia stayed silent once again, looking back on it, I shouldn't have been so resentful towards her... I know this today, but back then I was blinded by my emotions. I thought she did it on purpose, it almost felt like she was teasing me. Of course, I'm thinking alone, Barely anypony knows me in this kingdom. Celestia spoke back to me softly after we stayed silent for a few seconds.
"So... Tomorrow is the first ever summer feast celebration."
"And?"
"And, I'd like for you to be there."
"Why should I? I'll be cast aside as 'The sister' yet again." I made some air quotes with my hooves.
"Luna, you know that's not true."
I simply groaned at her, getting up from the floor and walking towards the stairway of the tower, though I couldn't help myself but stop for a second and look back at my sister, who seemed to get up from the floor, preparing herself to raise the Sun. And soon, I saw the magical aura forming around her horn, glowing a certain shade of goldish yellow.
Slowly, The Yellowish, blinding fireball made its way high into the blue pale sky, lighting the land below. Just seeing her do all of that... I felt so... Jealous... Why can I not be the one to raise the Sun every morning? Why can I not be the one to be loved by all of my subjects?
I took one deep breath while I trotted down the stone steps, going out onto a hallway lined up with flags of our kingdom. I carefully stepped around a few of the floor tiles, I was the one who had designed the booby traps, after all, I knew exactly where each one would be. Of course, when the castle of Canterlot was built, nopony asked for my input on it, and what happened? Countless break-ins because our Royal guard despite being 'The best of the best' is truly incompetent.
I kept on heading down the hallway, a few stationed guards saluted me, though I gestured them to be at ease as I entered our Throne Room. A large deep wine-red carpet filled up the entire floor, its borders were beautifully lined with golden fabric. Of course, in the end, there were our thrones. My sister's one was to the right, a banner hanged above it. It was mostly a vibrant shade of yellow with a Sun flying high above hills and farmlands.
To the left, of course, was my throne, painted with deep dark shades of a cold blue, above it hung a banner with a Crescent Moon above a large field. The room itself had a few glass windows on the walls, lined up by a few flaming torches for lighting during the nights... Not that I used that Throne during the night either way. I usually stayed up high in the castle towers overlooking the land.
I made my way to my side of the throne, inspecting it closely, then glancing over at my Sister's side, quietly but surely pondering... My sister always had everypony's attention, all I wanted was a chance to prove that I could be as good as my sister, that I was also worth something. I know it is wrong to feel jealous over a loved one's achievements, and I'm truly amazed at how Celestia can handle a multitude of issues all on her own, and yet... I felt empty... With her ruling the day and handling things on her own, she barely even had any time for me either.
My chance to prove myself would soon come though, when a Distressed Filly ran into the throne room, tears rolling down her cheeks. I instantly turned around, hearing her loud cry.
"Princess! Princess!"
The guards stopped the young filly though, I quickly trotted over, gesturing for them to make way for her. She attempted to speak, though it was hard to understand her in between her panting and sobbing.
"They- They- My-"
"Calm down filly, take deep breaths and tell me exactly what happened." I held her shoulders, helping her regain some of her breath as she settled down.
"There was a Dragon attack! The village is in ruins! We need help now! They took my parents!"
"A Dragon attack?!"
"Yes! He swooped in breathing fire! He took my parents! He took them! Please Princess you have to help!"
This was what I needed. As terrible as this was, it was a great opportunity for me, I could finally prove my worth to the people of Equestria, no longer would I have to live in my sister's Shadow, I would finally get my chance to shine! I was determined to help this young filly, quickly assessing the situation, figuring I could do this on my own, a simple dragon attack would be a breeze, especially for somepony like me.
"Take me there." I nodded, following the filly as we rushed out of the castle.
I saw the preparations for the festival, even seeing my Sister talk to a few regal ponies, though I doubt she even noticed me fly off and follow this unicorn filly onto the woods as she guided me through a series of winding dirt paths and fallen over tree logs, before eventually reaching a beautiful little village.
I recall a few dozen homes, they were all by this lake with clear blue water though the beauty of nature soon faded away once I started paying attention to the bigger picture. The stone and wood houses were either engulfed in greenish bright flames or were destroyed into rubble and ashes.
Of the ponies who hadn't fled the village, a few of them used buckets to help collect the water from the lake and use it to put out the fires, while some helped other ponies that were trapped under support beams or stone bricks. I rushed down to the lake where a few villagers looked at me with a raised brow.
"You're not Princess Celestia!" The stallion said pointing at me, watching as I glided down to the ground.
"No, but I can do as good of a job as my sister."
"I'm not sure about that."
I groaned at the Stallion's response.
"Would you like my help or not?"
He looked off to the side seeing his village in flames, deciding any help is better than none as he reluctantly nodded.
"Fine."
I lifted a few of the nearby buckets some 4 or 5 maybe, filling them with the lake's water before flapping my wings and taking off into the sky, using my magic to splash water on the burning buildings, and once that was done I made my way to the ponies stuck in the rubble, lifting the wooden beams and stone bricks, the ponies smiling and thanking me while I did so.
I was endlessly thanked as I saved the villagers, hearing them call out my name with a wide grin on my face. For a moment, I could feel a fraction of what my sister probably had felt through all these years ruling the land and it felt good... They cheered me on while I helped them along and soon enough the village was mostly safe, only a few smolders of what was once a large blaze were left behind.
"Maybe I was wrong about you."
The earth pony gave me a side-smirk, and it filled me with confidence. It felt good not only to save those ponies in need but to also be finally recognized for something I had done. This was more than enough to help me gather enough determination to keep going, it gave me the strength to keep going.
"My job here isn't done, has anypony seen where the dragon was headed towards?"
"He was headed East, right into that mountain!" A distressed pegasus mare called out, pointing her hoof towards a pointy tall mountain, this was just in time too as I could just barely see the red beast making its way inside. It was a long flight, but those ponies needed me and so I waved them all goodbye before setting off on my journey.
My wings flapped against the wind as I flew into the Horizon, my eyes intently focused on the objective ahead, watching the tree-tops just a few inches beneath me while I sailed majestically through the air. It felt so freeing, feeling the wind on my mane, stretching my wings for once... It had been a while since I even left the castle, perhaps I should do it more often.
I went with Haste, I couldn't wait more than a few seconds or even a few minutes as those could be deciding in those Ponies' lives and it all depended solely on me. I would not let them down, I was determined to save them.
Eventually, though, I reach the Mountain, a large cavern was placed at the top leading to a Shadowy and honestly rather Questionable inside. I took one deep breath before slowly making my way inside, using my horn to light the way.
Even with my magic, it was difficult to see anything inside, fierce darkness shrouded the surrounding area, and there could be danger at any turn. I was observant my eyes darted across the shadowy insides, looking for any kind of motion that would catch my attention. At that moment, the deafening silence was only broken by the sound of my heartbeat, pounding faster and faster while I carefully took each step.
Then, finally some light! Beaming down from an opening on the ceiling, though what it revealed was far worse... The large red dragon lay on its side, sleeping peacefully atop a large mountain of a multitude of different items, from hundreds and hundreds of beautiful gems to gold coins, treasures, amulets, and artifacts...
Clenched in his claws were two earth ponies who seemed to sob quietly, holding each other close in their hooves trying to comfort themselves in such a terrible situation. I had to be quiet and most importantly very mindful of each step I took. I did not want to wake the beast, freeing the Ponies from the Dragon's grasp would be a difficult challenge, but I was determined to make it happen.
Slowly I drew closer, and soon the ponies noticed me as well gasping and waving their hands. This sudden motion brought the attention of the beast who nudged its body lightly, though I doubt it was awake, especially considering its loud snore was producing a large plum of grayish smoke.
Seeing the ponies' struggles and their attempts to call out to me, I gestured for them to be quiet. I knew making any kind of noise would wake up the Dragon, and I didn't want that to happen. Bit by bit, I got closer and closer, eventually able to hear the whispers of the ponies.
"Princess! We're so happy you came!"
"Your daughter told me about the attack on your village, I only did the right thing," I spoke quietly while trying my best to open the tightly clenched claws.
"Oh, little Crystal Rose told you about us? Oh, thank Celestia!" As soon as she mentioned my sister I looked at her with a certain Snarky frown. I didn't know my Sister was an expression amongst ponies.
Either way, I kept going trying my best to free those poor ponies from the beast's grasp, managing to eventually get them open enough for them to just barely squeeze through, they quickly trotted along running over through the way I had come in.
I lifted off the ground, gliding through the air, about to leave when I was suddenly taken by surprise when a sudden powerful roar shook me to my core. It shook the entire top of the mountain making the entire mountain I look back at the beast's face only to find it had been awakened probably from me trying to open up his claws against his will.
It fiercely spits out a blazing projectile at me, which I'm able to just barely evade by doing a quick roll to the side. It was so close that for even a split second I could feel the warmth pass me by before it eventually hit the wall behind me. By now the dragon had already stood up on its 4 paws and was looking at me with hatred in its eyes. I was scared for my life, but I stood my ground.
I tried remembering the multiple combat spells I had been thought. They were mostly for self-defense, I was never planning on hurting anypony, but the time had come when I was forced to use these spells, even if I wished it had never happened. I couldn't dwell on my moral questions for long though, another fireball flew in my direction and I managed to summon a shield just in time, though the impact knocked me back and onto the wall.
The dragon growled again, fuming with anger (Quite literally) as he lunged forward at me, claws ready for a quick snatch, Once again being able to narrowingly dodge his attacks as I fired a quick beam at his face, hitting him on the side. This made him recoil back, although I doubt it hurt him at all It did buy me some precious time.
Suddenly, the loud cries of the ponies from before called out to me from a pile of rubble.
"Princess! Help us!" The mare yelled, waving her hoof within all the debris. Can't these ponies run away any faster?!
I flew over towards the rubble, She was completely stuck beneath all those rocks. I grasped tightly onto her hoof, pulling it outwards to no avail, It barely nudged. Then, I used my magic to lift the boulder off of her, just enough so I was able to pull the Mare out.
Then, we both helped out her husband, once again lifting the boulder while she pulled him out.
"Thank you, princess!" The stallion bowed.
"I appreciate your praise but this is not the time for that! Get out now!"
They both seemed to have a few cuts and bruises here and there, nothing that some rest wouldn't fix, fortunately, some minor damage. Though as I command the ponies to run, I turn around just in time to see the Dragon's tail Swing at me, hitting me dead on launching me onto a nearby wall.
My body aggressively hit the rocks, I yelped in pain closing my eyes for a second. Suddenly... I felt incredibly weak. I don't know why, but at that moment, I felt useless and incredibly fragile. I thought about why I was even there in the first place, was it even worth it?
My tired panting quickly turned into anxious and uncontrolled sudden gasps for air... I wasn't feeling as confident as I was, I was... Scared. As much as I hated to admit it, I was afraid for my own life... Even if I were to die here, it's not as if anypony would miss me anyway... Would they?
The beast crawled forward, spitting fire at me once more, I covered my face in terror whilst summoning another bubble shield for myself, holding out for as long as I could while it spewed its scorching flames at me. I tried lifting myself off the ground, but my body ached in pain, I could barely even bring myself a few inches off.
"Ngh..." I groaned, trying my best to withstand my injuries, realizing that if I wanted to live, this was my chance.
I didn't want to fight it anymore, I realized I quickly had gotten into a fight where It was almost certain I would lose. I just wanted to run away and back to safety... As cowardly as that is coming from a princess.
I realized I could probably fly above him if I just flew fast enough, then I could exit through the hole in the ceiling. It was a crazy idea, but I had no other options as the entrance I came through had collapsed. I took one deep breath trying to bear the pain as I stood up.
Finally, the dragon stopped its relentless barrage of fire for a second, giving me just enough time to take off. I quickly flapped my wings as painful as it was. I was flying for my life, and as I got closer and closer to the exit I thought I might just make out of there alive.
The truth isn't always pretty though. As soon as I looked back at the monster, it was already too late. Another fire column had been fired upon me, hitting me once again and making me drop to my doom. I hit the ground with fierce force, growling as I felt my wings go practically limp.
My vision was blurry as I was left there on the ground. I could barely move, taking deep sighs. Then, I saw a certain Alicorn fly in through the ceiling, the Dragon immediately turned their attention to it as the Alicorn circled the beast, firing beams upon beams around it, and that was the last thing I remember from that cave before my consciousness slowly slipped away.
I awoke though, maybe a few hours later. I was in my bed, the room was dimly lit as the curtains were closed and the only thing illuminating the room was a torch on the wall. Slowly, I came back to myself, trying to sit upright on the bed, though it was still somewhat painful it wasn't as bad as It was when I was in that cave.
I ran my hoof up towards my forehead, groaning.
"Luna?!" A voice called from the doorway to my bedroom. I turned my head to see Celestia gallop her way over to me. "Oh, I'm so happy you're alright!" She quickly wrapped her hooves around my body, hugging me tightly.
"C-Celestia...? What happened...? My body feels so tired..."
"Well... I saw you leaving the castle, and once I found out about the whole dragon attack situation, I figured that's where you'd be headed."
I groaned.
"And why exactly did you come?"
"I... Wanted to help you, Luna."
"I Didn't- Need your help!" I pushed her hoof aside with mine, turning my face away from her.
"Well, you clearly couldn't have handled it on your own." Her tone suddenly changed, from a worried one to a more irritated one.
"I was doing just fine on my own! Thank you very much!" I crossed my arms.
"Look- Luna- I know you wanted to help, but it's okay to realize you can't handle things on your own."
I got up from my bed.
"That's not the Problem Celestia! The thing is, you're always the center of attention! Everypony loves you, and what about me!? I just wanted to be useful! I wanted to be recognized for something I did myself!"
Celestia stayed quiet. For once, I was the one speaking up against her... I guess this took her by surprise.
"Celestia... Do you know what it's like to be unappreciated? To be forgotten about and cast aside by even your sister?" By this point, there was already a few tears forming on my face, and as much as I tried to pretend I was fine, I felt them running down my cheeks as my voice became shaky.
She stayed quiet again, simply looking down at the ground before her voice quietly muttered out.
"I'm... Sorry, Luna."
An apology from her... I was taken back honestly. I wasn't expecting her sudden remorse... But it was too late now.
"Please, Get out."
"Luna, listen-"
I cut her off, getting closer almost yelling to her face.
"GET OUT!" I pointed at the open door as I said this.
She stared at me for a second... I suppose she wasn't expecting that either. Looking back now, I realize it was rude for me to say such a thing to her, but I was blinded by angst, sadness, anger... I'm sorry, Celestia. I noticed her breathing become a bit fast-paced as well while staring into her eyes. She seemed to do the same thing I was doing... Holding back her tears. She was better at it, though.
Quietly, she trotted over to the door, looking back at me in silence before exiting and closing the door behind her as she did.
I groaned, taking one deep sigh. Relieved, I made my way over to my bed, falling on it on my back, I couldn't take it. I just let it out. I quietly pushed a pillow against my face as I felt my watery eyes let out what I had been trying to hold back, It's hard to describe it but... At that moment, I felt so... Alone.
I was used to feeling this way more often than not, but after that argument with Celestia, it felt as if it had been amplified, and as I sobbed onto the soft pillow, I kept thinking about us. What happened? Was it... My fault? Was I in the wrong for simply wanting some care now and then? Maybe I was wrong for wanting to hog all the attention?
Then, A sudden feeling took over me. No... This wasn't my fault... This was Celestia's fault... She is the one taking all the attention. I got up from my bed, I wasn't sobbing anymore. By this point, my sadness and loneliness had turned into something worse.
I felt sudden... Anger, boiling inside me. I made my way into the mirror in my room, looking at myself whilst taking a deep breath, hearing a soft whisper in my thoughts... It called out to me.
"Why should she get all the glory?"
"Don't you think you've suffered long enough?"
"It's your turn to be loved."
I kept hearing that voice deep in my thoughts... Almost commanding me. Then, I looked back at the mirror. I had been slowly replaced by somepony else... I didn't see myself in the mirror. Of course, I saw my form but... My coat had a deep black color, It's evil smirk seemed to have sharper and pointer teeth.
"You were cast aside by your sister... Yet again." The mare in the mirror called out to me.
"That's... not true..."
"Stop lying to yourself, Princess Luna. Your so-called sister could give less of a flying feather about you."
"I know Celestia still cares about me... She's-"
"Oh... You naive princess... Don't you see? She cast you aside again, she hogged all the attention for herself."
The mirror then showed me an image... It showed Celestia as she battled the monster, saving the village. I saw her be thanked and praised by the villagers, yet again taking the spotlight. As usual.
"But I helped them! That's not fair!"
"Now you see it, don't you? Don't you want revenge? She has wronged you time and time again, discarded you as nothing but trash... Don't you think it's finally time to show everypony your real worth?"
I looked down, taking one deep breath. My emotions were confusing, but I knew I felt anger and hatred toward my sister... I despised her for taking all the attention, and at the same time, I felt so weak and alone. I stayed quiet, though the mare kept on talking, slowly seeping its toxic mentality onto my thoughts.
"Princess, you can prove your worth... As long as you let me help you. With me, we can both thrive... Everypony will love you, and you will be even more adored than your sister."
The prospect seemed enticing, to say the least. The idea of finally being recognized was what I had longed for so long, finally, an opportunity had come. By that point, I was... Desperate. I just wanted to be noticed. It didn't matter how, I just wanted... Somepony to care about me.
"I... Accept your offer."
To this day, I regret saying those very words. Suddenly, the mare on the mirror laughed, its voice echoed along my thoughts, I could barely even hear myself. It felt as If I had suddenly lost control, as If I was simply watching events unfold. I looked myself in the mirror, but I didn't see myself. My real self wouldn't have acted the way I did.
My look wasn't of sadness. That was long gone. I was bitter, furious, and resentful of my sister. I was blinded by emotions. I trotted along to the outside, opening the door of my bedroom and passing by a few guards on my way to the throne room. I demanded their salute, and so they did.
Finally, I reached the throne room, making my way over to my side of the throne... That's when... Celestia came in, but by this point, I was nothing but a spectator in my own body. I felt like I couldn't control myself, no matter how much I tried.
"Luna? I... Wanted to say something..."
"Not another step."
On command, Celestia stopped.
"Luna? I- I don't understand..."
"Did you really expect me to sit idly by while they all basked in your precious light?!"
Celestia stayed quiet yet again with a surprised expression, a mixture of worry and sorrow for her sister, who had become something she didn't want to be, all because of her being blinded by rage...
"There can only be one princess in Equestria, and that Princess... Is ME!"
My loud yell echoed along the room as I slammed my hooves against the ground, a large crack forming on the floor, creeping its way onto the window behind it. Suddenly, it shattered into shards of glass and rock scattering about the throne room.
The sun was visible behind me, the light-soaked into the room... but not for long. Using my magic, I slowly begin raising the Moon, it covered up the Sun, and the land below slowly turned into darkness, the shadows crept along and I felt a sudden force take me away as a ball of energy wrapped around me.
What was once Day, had turned to night.
At this point, I wasn't in control. I wasn't myself. I had let my fears and emotions take a hold of me. I was no longer Princess Luna... I had turned into Nightmare Moon. I could only sit idly by and watch as Celestia prepared herself, Nightmare moon's voice echoed along the halls.
Nightmare moon shot a beam of light across the throne room, destroying the ceiling in the process... I was just barely able to see the moonlight and amidst all the smoke, She trotted closer to my sister. Deep down, I wanted her to stop. I had come to the realization of what I was doing, but it was too late.
Celestia took flight once again as Nightmare moon shot yet another beam at her, this one missed creating a huge hole in the ceiling. I felt as if Celestia didn't want to attack me, and my suspicions were confirmed once she raised her voice, calling out to me... But I couldn't respond.
"Luna, I will not fight you! You must lower the Moon! It is your duty!"
"Luna? I am Nightmare Moon! I have but one Royal duty now... To Destroy you!"
Nightmare moon shot yet another beam at Celestia, this one also Missed hitting the floor below her just as she took a path out through the hole in the ceiling, flapping her wings and flying off.
"And where do you think you're going!?" Nightmare moon called, following after my sister.
Soon, ensued a battle around the castle, Nightmare moon Following Celestia as she fired beams of energy onto her. I didn't want this... I didn't want this to happen... All I ever wanted was to just be recognized and appreciated, and look and where all of that had brought me.
Unfortunately, one of the beams hit Celestia, who dropped down through the throne room's ceiling with a screeching and painful yelp, whilst Nightmare moon maniacally laughed. I couldn't do anything... I felt trapped... I just wanted it to stop... After a few seconds though, Celestia came floating back through the roof.
Her body was glowing, surrounded by glowing light coming from the elements of harmony, Nightmare moon prepared herself for the incoming attack, I could see a few tears coming down my Sister's watery eyes as she fired the rainbow-colored beam... Nightmare moon Fired a beam back, this one much darker in color. They went back and forth until a sudden white flash blinded me... I suppose this was when I was banished.
Then, It all went blank... I do not remember most of my time spent on the moon, though I do remember how lonely the cold nights felt. I do recall something though. Almost every night after my banishment, I could hear a soft song being sung to me by my sister...
I'm sorry I made you do that, Celestia. I'm truly, sorry. I will forever love you as my sister, and even if we don't see eye to eye every now and then, I have come to the realization that talking about my Issues is a much better way to convey my emotions, rather than bottling them until they become feelings of Hatred and anger.
I'm sorry, my dear Sister. I hope you'll forgive me one day.
