“Oops. I might have made a small mistake.”
“A small mistake?! Starlight, you just KILLED us!”
Talk about an unexpected turn of events. Twilight Sparkle’s and Starlight Glimmer’s spirits, both glowing in an ethereal purple, floated over their respective bodies. The corpses rested side by side in a crater-like dint on the crystal floor. Numerous books in Twilight’s library lay spread out across the floor, scattered about like debris, and a couch and table tilted on their sides.
Even for Starlight, she really goofed up this time!
“Now I’ll never get to hold a book again!”
Starlight raised an eyebrow, crossing her ghostly forehooves. “Seriously? We will never hang out with our friends and families again, and that is what you’re most upset about? How are you the Princess of Friendship again?”
“W-well, they will die eventually, hopefully much later than sooner, so we will be with them again one day. Pinkie will probably throw a ‘together again in death’ party for it.”
“Oh, right.” Starlight eeked out a sheepish giggle. “I forgot about that.”
“But from what I read, spirits can’t touch physical objects.” Twilight pointed a hoof at Starlight, a scowl burning over her eyes. “So thanks to you, I will never hold another book!”
“I’m so sorry, Twilight,” Starlight said, her ears apologetically drooping. “I don’t know what I did wrong.”
“You don’t know?!” Twilight motioned to their ex-physical forms below them. “Is how we are hovering over our remains not a clear enough hint?!”
“I meant, with the spell! I cast it correctly…though maybe I added a little too much Apaifil to it?”
“Let me double-check ‘The Ultimate Book of Dangerous Spells for Magic Experts’.” Twilight floated over toward one of her open books dotting the floor. “We’re lucky it’s on the page I need.” She read the page under her breath, which would have sounded not too unlike “blah blah blah” to anycreature unaccustomed in spell names or terms. The alicorn’s pupils restricted as she gasped. “Uh-oh.”
“What?”
“I might have instructed you to apply the wrong amount of Pepafie, which triggered the explosion.” Twilight’s lips crawled into a guilty grin. “Oops.”
“So how we are dead mares is your fault?!”
“Yes and no, since you adding too much Apaifil caused the explosion to be strong enough to kill us. Our deaths are both our fault, so let’s call it eve–”
The pair’s spiritual bodies glowed brighter while flashing in unison.
Starlight stared down at her pulsing form, eyes widening in alarm. “W-what’s happening?!”
“I think we are being summoned to the afterlife.“ Twilight grinned in, unbelievably, excitement. “Hehe! I wish I could write down notes because I can only experience this once! Ooh, if books exist in the afterlife, I will hold another one after all!”
Starlight chuckled, shaking her head in amusement. “Only you would be excited over–wait. Are we going down?”
Twilight and Starlight slowly phased through the floor and into a black void. Utter silence and nothingness said “hi”, but the duo’s ongoing flashing illuminated a purple sphere around them, practically yelling “not now” at the surrounding darkness.
As the pair helplessly descended, ragged reddish walls revealed themselves in the seemingly bottomless void. Terror gave bursting from the ponies’ hearts a shot, yet raw confusion swirled around and clamped the emotion in place. Panicking could come later. There were more important matters to wonder about.
How could ponies like them, even accounting for Starlight’s dark past, be Hell-worthy?!
“This can’t be! I can see you being Hell-bound, Starlight – uh, no offense – but me?! I wasn’t always the friendliest pony over the course of my life, but I’ve been a good one at least! I wouldn’t have become an alicorn otherwise!”
“First, some taken, and second, didn’t you earn your wings by finishing one of Starswirl’s spells?”
“I was successful thanks to what I learned about friendship in addition to being a gifted unicorn! I even made spreading friendship my life mission! Would a bad pony do that or open a friendship school?”
“Which reminds me: I’m skilled in magic and enjoy teaching friendship too. You also said you have nothing left to teach me, so shouldn’t I have become an alicorn by now?”
“You never became one because you were never ready! If you were, I’m sure–”
“Uh, I hate to interrupt your heated argument because I love heat, but I need to check you in.”
Only now realizing they were no longer in a void, the mares ceased their arguing and turned their heads toward the voice. Their continuous flashing ended, but their mouths dropped. Before them was a desk, and behind the desk sat a red figure in a chair, staring down at them. From Twilight’s and Starlight’s time in the world of humans, they recognized that the muscular, foreboding figure’s form was a humanoid one; however black, crooked wings sprouted on his back. Two black horns erupted from his head.
Further back in the caverns of Hell, a few spirits wandered about. A series of buildings stood tall and strong; barred windows dotted their walls. Smokeless fire roared from pits and geysers, pumping light and heat throughout the otherwise dim underworld. Mighty stalactites hung high on the ceiling like guardians, as if ready to fall and punish any spirit that stepped out of line.
Just ignore that spirits can’t feel pain or be harmed by anything non-spiritual in nature, such as falling stalactites.
“A-are you the Devil?” Twilight asked, eyes locked on the red being before her.
“Who else could I be?” The Devil responded. His voice’s tone was not ominous or threatening, despite whom the voice belonged to, but instead chill. Albeit with a slight annoyance. “Aren’t you one of the smarter ponies?”
“Sorry.” Twilight hung her head down. “I never planned for the off-chance of dying today, so I'm still reeling from it. I’m just glad I had written a living will, just in case.”
“I suppose the feeling is fair. Besides, you are handling it, or 'hoofing' it as ponies say, far better than most do when they arrive here. FYI, for future reference, refer to me as just ‘Devil’ or ‘the handsome Devil’, not ‘the Devil’.” He took a sip from a streaming coffee cup and sighed contently. “That’s good stuff. You should try some of this coffee later.”
“I will, but I still don’t understand why I’m here. Were my mistakes in life truly serious enough to warrant me a place in Hell?”
“Let’s dive into your life information.” Devil (I’m not calling him “the handsome Devil”) raised his hand. Two books, one bearing Twilight’s Cutie Mark and the other Starlight’s Cutie Mark, levitated off the shelves of a bookshelf behind him and to his desk. He flipped through the books, periodically chuckling to himself. "Oh my. One of you have been a naughty little filly sometimes.”
“Be that as it may about Starlight, it doesn’t explain why I’m here.”
“I was talking about you.” He smiled slyly toward the newest deceased unicorn. “Now you, Starlight, have been a VERY naughty little filly.”
“But I thought I had redeemed myself from my, uh, past naughtiness.”
“Now that you brought it up, I thought you had recently earned enough votes for the ‘Redeemed: go to Heaven’ list’.” The red figure glanced through Twilight’s life information a second time. “Double-checking Twilight’s feats of good-heartiness – boring – and a lifetime of innocence most of the time, she should have been a shoo-in for Heaven. One of my assistants must have screwed up on paperwork. Again.” He shot a glare at a ghost, a cross-eyed pegasus stallion in the midst of organizing folders, who gulped and flinched away.
‘I hope my granddaughter didn’t inherit my and her mother’s clumsiness and is a good pony,’ the stallion thought.
“In that case, just send Starlight and me to Heaven. I can’t wait to see what books–”
“Oh, so sorry, but I can’t.”
The alicorn and unicorn gasped in unison. They both asked, “Why not?!”
Devil pointed upward. “Only that lazy jerk upstairs can summon the dead to Heaven. You two might be here for hundreds of years or longer before she realizes she’s a few ponies short."
“‘Lazy jerk’?” Twilight asked. “Isn’t God in charge of Heaven?”
“I was talking about God. She is benevolent, but a big fat slacker. She is also the biggest troll of all time, and not always in the fun way." Devil laid further back in his chair, taking another sip of his coffee. "You never wondered why things going wrong are sometimes thought of as ‘God works in mysterious ways’ by the living?”
“That…makes way more sense than it should,” Starlight said.
“Ain’t it the truth? If you had died four months ago or earlier, she could have taken you when she picked up the last spirit that was mistakenly on the ‘go to Hell’ list.” With another lift of Devil’s hand, the life books of Hell’s newest prisoners floated back onto their shelf. “For now, due to Hell rule #10, you will have to be locked in cells. However, you can earn some free time for good behavior, and in time, you will be able to apply to be my part-time assistants,” Devil said. He muttered under his breath, “Replacing that clumsy fool of an assistant can’t come soon enough.”
“Well…*sigh*...I guess it can’t be helped.” Twilight turned to Starlight. “While this is unfortunate, what’s done is done, so–”
A male voice called out, “Hey, Devil! Are the two new spirits going to get here before my free time is ov–no way! Is that you, Princess Twilight Sparkle?”
Twilight and Starlight spun to the voice. They were met with a smirking grey stallion, surrounded by a black, evil aura.
“Sombra?” Twilight asked.
“Yes, Sombra, and you were called to Hell?” Sombra erupted in pure raucous laughter, a type he had never experienced while alive. “This is too good! I just wish I could have witnessed the moment of your death!”
“But I don’t even belong here! This is all a mistake!”
“Twilight’s right, and neither do I!” Starlight chimed in with a scowl. “Leave her alone!”
“That’s what they all say, but you, Twilight? The goody-goody Princess of Friendship, banished in Hell like me?! Ha ha, oh, I’m never going to let you live this down, or die this down!”
As Sombra continued to have the laugh of his post-life, Starlight growled and Twilight rolled her eyes. Getting teased for being stuck in Hell wasn’t what the latter expected to endure today. “Anyway, as I was saying, Starlight, what’s done is done. Complaining this isn’t fair won’t get us to Heaven any faster, so let’s make the best of it.” She faced Devil and asked, “Is it okay if Starlight and I are assigned neighboring cells or share one?”
Hell’s owner shrugged his arms. “There isn’t a rule against prisoners choosing their cells, so I’ll allow it.”
Three weeks later…
Fluttershy moped on her couch in her cottage, her eyes puffy and moist. Discord held her close as he tenderly stroked her mane, and Angel was actually acting like his name by comfortably nuzzling his owner's leg. Ever since learning of Twilight's and Starlight's deaths, neither Discord nor Angel had departed Fluttershy’s side for nary a minute.
“Things just aren’t the same without them, Discord. It even feels like a part of myself is gone.”
“I know you miss them, but they wouldn’t want you to be sad. Even Spike is trying to move on by hosting parties in his castle.” The supportive draconequus tapped his goatee in thought. “Although I think throwing one every day with so many balloons is overdoing it.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t help it. They were too good to die so soon, especially Twil–”
An image of Devil materialized in front of the friends, bearing pleading eyes. “Discord, I know it will break some rules, but Hell is–”
“Is that you, Devil? I’m comforting my dear friend Fluttershy here.”
“I know, but you gotta come help me, quick! Trust me: you need to see what’s going on in Hell!”
Discord glanced back and forth between his dear friend and Hell’s desperate ruler. “But Fluttershy needs–”
“PLEASE!! You can return to her when you’re done!”
After another moment of agonizing hesitation, Discord blew a sharp, relenting sigh. “Fiiiiine. Fluttershy, I’m afraid I have to see what the not so handsome Devil wants but I’ll be back soon.”
With that, Discord snapped his claw and teleported from the cottage, followed by the vanishing of Devil’s image.
Fluttershy laid a hoof against her cheek. She should have felt confused, yet the pegasus felt nothing. Which in itself confused her. “Should I be worried about how the Devil just begged Discord to help him in, um, ‘Heck’, and I wasn’t fazed in the slightest? Maybe I have spent too much time with Discord.”
With her previous words echoing in her head, for the first time in three weeks, Fluttershy smiled. Then giggled. The giggles evolved into hearty laughter.
In a poof, Discord popped into Hell.
However, the underworld had undergone some changes, leaving even the Lord of Chaos’s mouth agape.
Author's Note
When Discord is shocked by something, you know things have gone nuts!
Do you have any guesses on who is behind whatever happened in Hell?
Chapter 2: Hell is under new management
This wasn’t right.
At least, that was what Discord thought seeing Hell’s new state.
Strands of lights reminiscent of Hearts Warming lights coated the walls. Spheres comparable to disco balls dangled high on the ceiling. A massive banner hung over Devil’s desk that said “Welcome to Hell! Your new life begins here!” that was decorated with affectionate hearts.
And it gets stranger.
Most of the nearby pits and geysers that had been proudly blowing fire were cool and dormant. Spirits hovered over a few still-firing pits and sprayed water over them, quelling the flames that had roared nonstop for ages into a faint smolder, gradually cooling to nothingness. Other spirits were decorating the still-untouched walls with lights; a few drew smiley faces on walls, but grimaced as they drew them.
However, while most souls were, uh, busy, Starlight Glimmer simply stood in front of Devil’s desk. She gazed vacantly in one random direction after another.
“Whoa,” Discord finally spoke. “To think Twilight thought me causing chocolate to rain over Ponyville was crazy.”
Devil massaged his arms and shivered, despite the air being a comfortable temperature of a warm spring day. For everycreature but him. “Speaking of Twilight Sparkle, thanks to my clumsy assistant screwing up again, she was marked on the ‘go to Hell’ list and now she’s–”
“Okay, we now have approximately 15% of Hell's fires cooled. Things are really beginning to feel more welcoming and friendship-y.” Twilight levitated closer from the deeper trenches of Hell, carrying a checklist of such long length, most of it was trailing behind her. She examined walls, pits, buildings, and anything else she felt required checking, cheerfully nodding after each check. “We will soon be ready to move on to the construction of our first friendship school–”
“Twilight? What’s going on here?”
“Oh, hi, Discord!” Twilight floated to Discord with a welcoming smile. “I didn’t know you could visit Hell, or did you die? Because–”
‘She’s acting friendlier toward me than she did when alive. Don’t know how to feel about that,’ Discord shook himself out of his thoughts and said out loud, “Uh, no, I’m still alive and kicking.” A boot materialized over one of Discord’s feet, which foot he promptly kicked before the boot vanished from existence. “My magic just lets me visit Heaven and Hell. I was even thinking of stopping by Heaven to tell you how much Fluttershy misses–wait, forget why I’m here.” Discord pointed at Twilight and asked, “Twilight, what are you doing?”
“Well, being dead made me think and reflect. Maybe it really is never too late for even the most irredeemable villains to reform.” She pointed a proud hoof at herself, bearing a matching proud smile. “Since I’m stuck here for the foreseeable future, I thought, why not see if I can teach friendship in Hell?”
Discord blinked twice, twice. He asked plainly, “What?”
“You sound like I did when Twilight first told me about her idea in our cells,” Starlight said, voice stuffed with disbelief. “You and I are proof that villains can change, but even I have doubts about if every villain can or will do it!”
“I know it sounds ludicrous, but I want to try anyway. I can’t wait for another chance to teach Cozy Glow when she eventually comes here. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a lot more to do before the first spirit I will get to personally welcome arrives. Having infinite time is no reason for falling behind schedule!”
With a cheerful giggle, Twilight flew back into the deeper areas of Hell and resumed her, for lack of a better word, tasks.
“I’m Discord, the Lord of Chaos, and even I’m not batty enough” – Discord snapped his claws, briefly summoning baseball bats into existence – ”to comprehend this turn of events. Devil, why are you allowing that little pony to do what she pleases?”
“You think I didn’t tell her ‘Hell no?!’ But she became so fixated over her ‘idea’ while in her cell, I had to transfer most of my powers and the status of ‘Devil’ to her, just so she’d shut up!”
Discord’s head exploded in dozens of confetti–possibly the most understandable action he could have taken. His head poofed back onto his neck and he screeched, “She’s the Devil now?!”
“You heard right! Hell is now under the management of a friendship-loving nerd! I can’t call that lazy jerk upstairs because she never picks up her phone, so you gotta do something!”
“Me?” Discord laid a claw on his chest. “What can I do? Sure, I can pop to Heaven and back despite still being alive, but even my magic can't move dead souls there! Plus, after I–that is, Grogar brought Sombra back to life for a ‘while’, God arranged it so only she can revive anycreature from death!”
“Don’t try that ‘Grogar’ lie on me! I read your life info, so I know he was rea–”
“Who cares about that old goat?!” Sombra stormed to the group, growling. He wore a hat saying “friend in training.”
“Sombra? What’s with the hat?”
“It isn’t my idea, that’s what it is!” Sombra motioned upward. “Now run to Heaven and fetch God so she can rid Hell of its alicorn infestation! I can’t even mind control or kill that pest to stop her becauseshe’s already dead! Trust me: I tried!”
“Yeah, Twilight always rose back up after ‘dying’ and Sombra’s mind control magic doesn’t work down here,” Starlight explained. “All he did to her just annoyed and made her give him longer and longer friendship speeches as a ‘punishment’.”
“And enduring them was hell! Given where we are, that should tell you something!”
“Oh, Starlight, before I forget: what do you think is a better new name for Hell?” Twilight flew back, still holding her uber-long checklist. “I’m thinking either ‘Land of Second Chances’ or ‘Home of Infinite Friendship’.”
“Uh…I don’t know if either name fits," she answered, "even with your title as ‘Devil' now.”
Twilight’s ears drooped pitifully as she frowned. “My title should be the next thing to change. It might make me seem too intimidating, not a kind ruler that is also your friend.” The anti-Devil grinned and her ears perked up. “So, I will swap my title with the one I held while alive: the Princess of Friendship. Now, are there any other ideas for Hell’s name?”
Ex-Devil moaned and slapped a hand over his forehead, willing himself not to barf. “Kill me, kill me now.”
“I, uh, don’t think ‘Kill me, kill me now’ fits with the friendship theme. Oh, but I could consider ‘Friendship, friendship now’.” Twilight faced Sombra. “Anyway, Sombra, I know you still hate me, but I could really use your help with building our friendship school. I’ll even cut more of your time in your cell if you do, so you can be free for two weeks straight.”
“Ha! Oh, of course I will assist an enemy in life with her little friendship school! I just can’t wait!” Sombra spat, his words packed with sarcasm.
“Wow, thank you! I knew you would come around to embrace friendship eventually! I will come get you after I finish its blueprint, okay?”
“WHAT?!” Sombra bellowed.
“Hehe, see you all later! I talked longer than I meant, so I’m already falling behind schedule! Oh, I should get some more coffee later, because it was good!”
Twilight again flew off. As she did, Sombra gritted his teeth, his eyes glowing a spiteful red. “This is the last straw of last straws. Make me, the proud King Sombra, build a FRIENDSHIP SCHOOL?! I think not, you annoying pain in the flank!”
The enraged ex-King lunged in the retreating Twilight’s direction, but Starlight leaped and gripped him from behind tight in her forelegs. The evil stallion flailed his legs about, yet the kind-hearted mare’s grip remained steadfast as they floated in mid-air.
What a sight this has turned out to be!
“No, it’s not worth it! All you’d do is end up suffering her longest friendship speech yet! You forgot that you literally can’t harm her?!”
“I don’t care! I gotta try something because I will not raise a hoof to help with friendship! Unhoof me, or you’re next!”
While still restraining the squirming Sombra, Starlight tapped into her inner guidance counselor and gently pleaded, “Okay, I understand that you’re angry. Believe me, I know how it feels to hate Twilight and want her to pay.”
“I doubt that, goody-goody! You’re practically her sister!”
“I may be a ‘goody-goody’ now, but if I had died a few years ago, I would have truly belonged here! However, while I now love friendship just as much as my ‘sister’, even I wouldn’t be able to take a multi-hour friendship speech from her! Please, Sombra, for your sake, be a good pony for once! I won’t tell!”
“Never!”
As Starlight and Sombra battled on, Discord stared at them, motionless. “This is chaos, but for the first time, I can’t enjoy it. It’s too ridiculous.“
“Well, get a move on then!” Ex-Devil ordered. “The sooner you get God, the sooner she can take my new boss and Starlight to Heaven! I’m getting cold!”
Discord nodded, then snapped his claws and teleported away.
Later…
“What’s taking God so long?” Ex-Devil asked, tapping a foot in impatience. He now wore a black jacket. “She better not be taking her time just for the lols!”
“I don’t know, but she better hurry. I don’t fatigue as a spirit, but I can only keep holding back Sombra for so long before I make a mistake and he–oh no you don’t!”
A lucky flail of Sombra’s legs loosed Starlight’s grip on him, but she immediately tightened it and re-gained leverage, just in time.
“Geez, mare, how are you so strong?! Unicorn mares aren’t supposed to have this much strength, dead or not!”
“Sit-ups, pull-ups, and plenty of apple tree-bucking with a friend. For the 30th time, just calm–”
With a poof, a white alicorn teleported before Starlight, the struggling Sombra, and the ex-Devil. The sight of the new alicorn calmed Sombra into becoming still.
“Wait, Princess Celestia?” Starlight raised an eyelid in confusion. “You’re God?! I thought you were just Equestria’s princess!”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought too!” Sombra turned his head around to Starlight. “Hey, strongmare, I’m calm now. Are you ever going to release me, or are you just that desperate to hug a stallion again?”
After a gasp and with a slight blush, Starlight unwrapped her forelegs from Sombra.
“Me? God? Goodness no, but I am Vice God. My main job is as a princess, but I keep my second job a secret from the living, save for Discord.”
Starlight asked, “Why?”
“Can you imagine how much ponies would worship me if they knew? They already use my name in place of ‘God’ as it is! Anyway, the true God said something came up and wanted me to fill in for her.” Celestia surveyed the “new” Hell, a puzzled frown waning on her lips. “What happened to the fires…andwhat is with the ‘Welcome to Hell! Your new life begins here!’ banner covered in hearts? That looks like something Twilight or Pinkie might hang if they were in charge.”
Starlight, Sombra, and Hell’s former ruler explained to Celestia what happened over the last three weeks.
“Oh.” A scowl branded itself over Celestia’s eyes. “Not wanting to rein in Twilight once she gets going is what ‘came up’ with God. That lazy jerk.” Celestia growled. She was about to search for Twilight, but a mischievous smirk curled on her lips. “You know what? Starlight, since God loaned me her powers, I’m going to bring you and Twilight back to life instead of moving you to Heaven. Reviving you without God’s permission will teach her to drop her undesirable duties on me!”
Hell’s ex-boss deadpanned, “Says the Vice God who dumped her villain-defeating work on Twili–”
The substitute God glared at the red figure, staring him in his eyes. “For the last time, that was because I knew she and her friends could do it, not because I was lazy!”
“Okay, okay, sorry.” He pointed to his, or rather, Twilight’s assistant – the clumsy cross-eyed stallion – busy at work carrying folders on his back. “Oh, while you’re at it, revive that stallion too. He’s one of the few Hell has truly mellowed, so he’ll probably qualify for the ‘Redeemed: go to Heaven list’ when he dies again.”
Celestia looked at the stallion and puzzlingly rubbed her head. “Um…that wouldn’t be a good idea. I could always claim Twilight and Starlight dying was fake news since it happened three weeks ago, but–”
“Trust me, if you really want to stick it to that big troll, revive him. Then, he can be God’s problem when he goes to Heaven and tries to be her assistant.”
The previously mentioned stallion tripped and fell. The folders and their papers on his back soared in the air, then rained down over him.
“Sorry.”
“And he does stuff like that at least twice a day.”
Celestia grinned. She wasn’t passing up this chance. “I hear you loud and clear. I’ll worry about any possible ramifications later, but there will be three resurrections today.”
Author's Note
After they are alive again, maybe Twilight and Starlight should lay off their spell experiments before they kill someone else by accident.
Then again, they probably won't stop. At least Derpy's going to get her granddad back!
